Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The New Guy ❯ One-Shot

For a change, I'll start with the disclaimer: Digimon does NOT belong
to me. I've abducted some of the characters but...

The storyline came to me in a dream, so be nice little reviewers.
This takes place just after the episode that comes after 'Juggernaut'. Ya
know, the one where Juggernaut overloads and the first dava arrives.
I forget what it's called.

>>The New Guy<<

Onada looked up from his desk. A glaring Yamaki stood, chewing his gum frantically, one hand on the imitation wood surface.
"Type this up for public consumption. And have it done by the end of the day." His words came shortly between loud, minty snaps. The tense scientist turned on one heel and bolted out of the cubicle to areas unknown.

Just great. It was only his first day.

He picked up the crisp document, turning it around and standing it next to his monitor. He squinted from behind his glasses, trying to decipher the handwriting.


Dear Digimon-loving populace at large,

As leader and supreme ruler of a covert government branch called Hypnos, it's my extreme displeasure (but duty because if I don't I'll get fired) to tell you what we've been doing. I don't think you'll like it. Of course you wouldn't! That's why it's clandestine!

We've been building nasty, big, vile, disgusting programs that track digimon. And when they've found one, they DESTROY them! Isn't that wonderful?! I made it myself. I'm SO proud. Do you want to know WHY I made the programs? To keep aberrant artificial intelligence from knocking on your door and devouring your family! Does that seem so wrong? Why in hell am I being admonished? I'm just doing my job!

Now I've got to talk about all those strange lights you've seen in the sky. I can't possibly explain them, because you wouldn't understand any of it, you're too stupid! But, again, it's my JOB to tell you to not be afraid; it's just harmless digital discharge. Swamp gas refracting in the light of Venus, if you must.

There. Seiichi can kiss my ass.

Sincerely,
Your digimon squashing friend,
Yamaki Mitsuo, Dimensional Physicist, friend to all, Department President
etc....

And I WILL find my cigarettes, Riley!


Oo-kaay. How the hell was he supposed to send THAT out? Onada sighed and ran his fingers through what was left of his hair. Why did he take this job? It was directly in the death-black spotlight of a failing bureau; in the crossroads between a raging public and a wall of government suits. He crumpled up Yamaki's (ahem) letter. Maybe because he desperately NEEDED the job. He ran the kinks out of his neck and fingers, setting them lightly on the keyboard.


To the citizens of the great city of Tokyo:

Perhaps it is no surprise that many questions have arisen as of late. Is it not the duty of every person to protect their family, their friends? If questions are not answered, fear follows. But I assure you, these fears are groundless.

In the past weeks, many people have reported lights in the sky over the Shinjuku district. I will concede, these aerial phenomenon were due to the project that I oversee. To be clear, however, they are in no way harmful to you or your family.

Scientifically, they were the product of an experiment probing the very fabric of our universe. We yearn, as have humans throughout the ages, to discover our true place in this world. In the interest of knowledge, these discharges were perfectly normal, safe, and expected.

We can deeply understand and sympathize with your worry. Please know that above all else, we take into account the well being of every citizen.

Please accept our humblest apologies for any distress our project has caused.

With deepest regret:

Yamaki Mitsuo, Department President


Leaning back in his chair, he stifled a small laugh. Like Yamaki would EVER speak in such a debasing manner. Oh, well, it was done. He ran a copy off through the room printer and placed it on the barren shelf labeled 'For Public Distribution'. Yawning widely, he groped for his briefcase. It sucked shit being the sole Public Relations representative. He was going home.

EH: You like?
Yamaki: Not exactly. I'm seen as an immature brat throwing a temper tantrum.
EH: Well, perhaps... But you're the cutest immature brat in the whole wide world!
Ken: Don't worry, Mitsuo. Help will come soon. Soon, we will be free!
EH: But for now, while the helicopters circle overhead, you can eat non-perishable cans of refried beans!
Yamaki: Just review, PLEASE! She promised she'd let us go once the demands were met...