Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The Red Viola ❯ Chapter 1
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: neo-angel_1 
Ichijouji Ken recieves a viola that changes his life -- permanently.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.09.2001 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 519 | Status: Completed
Ichijouji Ken recieves a viola that changes his life -- permanently.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.09.2001 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 519 | Status: Completed
The Red Viola
by Youkaiko (2001.2.15)
---------
I came home from school one day to find a large black case in the living room. My mother told me it contained a viola. She had gone to a junk shop out of curiosity and found a very old viola there for 20,000 yen. The owner of the store told her it was a very small amount of money for such a valuable instrument.
"I thought you might want to have it. You don't have to play if you don't want to. If not, you can do whatever you want with it," she told me. I opened the case and inspected the viola. It was somewhat large, but very lightweight. It looked to be of very good wood. The thing that alarmed me was the color. It was a very deep, heavy red. Not a cherry red, which is normal for wood, but a very rich and disturbing color of red. It seemed so emotional for an instrument. I plucked a string. Even a simple pluck expressed emotion.
I knew then it was mine.
Mother and I took the viola with us as we went to a music store and talked to one of the people there. The clerk explained that there were certain things you needed to buy in order to play and maintain a stringed instrument. I showed her the viola.
"What an interesting viola," she remarked. She told me to hold it beneath my chin and my left shoulder and to hold it up with my hand. Apparently, I needed a shoulder rest because there was too much space between the viola, my chin, and my shoulder. She said I also needed rosin to put on the bow, a special wood polish to keep it clean, and perhaps lessons.
My first attempt at playing the viola was a failure. That was expected. My parents and Wormmon were patient as I practiced almost every night before I went to bed. When I got the chance I studied the techniques of other violists by watching a lot more television. I listened to how they played, but I mostly observed their positions. There were many specifics in playing a stringed instrument. In holding the bow, one had to hold it a certain way. It was a cross between the Russian and German techniques. One must be able to hold the instrument with their chin and shoulder so that you don't have to hold it by one's hand. One needed to bow straight and between the fingerboard and the bridge. It seemed a little overwhelming at first, but I realized it was like soccer. There were proper ways to do things, but it involved a lot of practice.
"Why do you want to play viola, Ken-chan?" Wormmon asked me. He watched me rosin my bow and warm up.
"When I saw it, I just had the urge to. It felt natural," I explained. Wormmon looked at the viola with wonder. "I know it's a piece of wood, but I've taken to it."
"You won't forget about me, will you?" He looked at me with those sweet blue eyes.
"Of course not. You and I are best friend, right? Not even music can stop us." I smiled at Wormmon and touched his head with my finger. He giggled and scurried to the other end of the room.
My parents talked to the principal, and I was allowed to join the school orchestra mid-year. They were all somewhat experienced. There were only three other violists. Most everyone played violin. The orchestra was well balanced, though. The director thought that we should not play easy music, and I soon learned we were taught to play orchestra pieces by great composers like Haydn, Bach, Mozart, Handel, and others.
I came home each day very overwhelmed by my classes. My parents offered to pull me out, but I told them I could handle it. I really couldn't. Every time I practiced, I could hear every mistake, every wrong note, every bad bowing, every fault. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't seem quite right.
"Ken-chan, you just started playing!" Wormmon told me.
"I can't use that as my excuse. There are other people I've met who have learned to play well in a shorter time," I shot back.
"But you shouldn't try so hard, Ken-chan! If you took it easy, you would pick it up faster. I'm sure of it," he consoled.
"It's not good enough." I put the viola and bow down on the floor and climbed into bed. It's so hard when you're competing with truly talented people. I just wanted to cry and get it all out. So I did. I cried as I held back my screams.
Wormmon stood on the pillow. I could hear him comfort me with pretty words that did not seem to fit me. He snuggled close to me. I tried to stop crying. But it made me hurt even more. I wanted to yell, but my parents would have noticed.
The fingernails on my right hand were a bit long. I noticed this as I dug them into my skin. It was like having an intense paper cut. I couldn't see my hand, but I could sense the redness and irritation. The pain made me want to shout, but I realized the only way I could release my anger was either through hurting myself or playing. If I played, I would hear the wretchedness of my own inability. There were a few simple pieces that required a lot of emotion, though.
From now on I had to pour myself onto the viola.
---
I was walking home with Daisuke one day. He was telling me about the soccer game that he played against Juuban Junior High the other day.
"Aw, man, it was awesome! I scored two goals against their top guy, Tanaka or whatever. I just went right past him and zoom! Oh, want a jelly bean?" He dug through his pockets and took out a white jelly bean.
I shrugged. He pressed it into my free hand. I ate it, and it tasted of coconut. I liked it. "Daisuke, where did you get it?"
He smirked. "I took the bag from Miyako when she wasn't looking. They were good, too. I like the cappuccino ones. They taste really really really good!" He chortled for a few seconds, then snapped back into reality.
I glanced at him. "How many of those have you eaten?"
"Oh, only half a bag," he remarked. He poked my viola case. "What's in here?"
"A viola."
"What's a viola?"
"It's like a cross between a violin and a cello."
"Can you play something for me?"
We stopped walking and I set down my things. I unzipped the case and removed the viola, bow, and shoulder rest. "What do you want me to play?"
"I dunno, just play."
So I did. I began to play in 3/4 time. The song sounded familiar. At first it was lifeless, but by the time I got to the lento moderato, I put my heart into it. I could feel it. I began to use more and more vibrato. Sadly, it ended.
"Ichijouji, what was that?" He looked at me, puzzled.
"It... it was a piece by Brahms, called 'Von ewiger Liebe', or 'Love is Forever'." The words just seemed to come out. As soon as they did, I realized what I said. It made me feel so awkward. I could feel my cheeks become warm and red.
Daisuke just laughed at me. "I liked it, but you're so weird, playing mushy stuff for me."
"I... wanted you to... to have your own piece," I stammered. "I meant it for you."
A smile came across his face. "That was really nice of you! Thank you."
I looked down, embarrassed.
---
The warm water hit my face as I reached for the shampoo. I poured a bit of shampoo into the palm of my hand when I noticed a long scar running down the middle of my left arm. It started below my wrist and ended midway between my shoulder and my elbow. I ignored it and began to shampoo my long hair. I never thought to cut it. Was it really that important? The whole bathing process was made more enjoyable by actually having hair to wash.
I stood under the shower and let the water run through my lathered hair. I had a curious habit of playing with my still-wet hair while washing out the shampoo. I was moving it out of my eyes when I noticed another scar, this time on my right palm. It stretched horizontally from my thumb to the end of my hand. It concerned me a little more. But I knew it was probably something I did that I forgot about, which was common.
I took my mind off of my mysterious scars and let it wander as I began to wash my skin. I thought about what Daisuke had said to me earlier today. What possessed me to play "Von ewiger Liebe"? It was Brahms. It was too emotional to play for a friend like Daisuke. It felt right, though. I liked when he smiled. He had a beautiful smile, and beautiful eyes.
This too bothered me, and I didn't want to think about it. I decided it best that I stop mulling over such trivial things and forget everything. The soap was fluffy and bubbly. It easily slid off my skin and down into the drain. I watched as the last of the white suds left me and disappeared.
---
"Moshi moshi. Hi Daisuke! Yeah. Ken-chan! Phone!"
I looked down at the table from the bed. "Yes, Wormmon?"
Wormmon held up the telephone. "Daisuke wants to talk to you."
I got up, walked down the ladder, and took the phone from his claws. I gave Wormmon a little pat on the head.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ichijouji. What's up?"
"Nothing." I was rather terse. I couldn't help it; I was not used to talking to people over the phone.
"Yamato needs a violinist for his band. He's doing a cover of some song and I told him you play something like a violin. Can you do it?"
Something like a violin? At least Daisuke was paying attention when I told him what the viola was. "I guess."
"Cool! Then I'll get to see you there. Jun's dragging me to Yamato's concert. I wanted to stay home and play video games, 'cause I finally got enough cash to buy a game, and now Jun says, 'Nooo! You have to come with me! The backstage guards know you're Yamato's friend! Blah blah blah!'"
His terrible imitation of Jun was annoying. "Do I call Yamato then?"
"Yeah. Do you have his number?"
"No."
"Be right back." I could hear Daisuke shout to Jun asking for Yamato's number. She shouted back as if she memorized it. It made me wonder if Jun had ever called Yamato before.
"Ok, I got his number. Got a pencil?"
I looked around and motioned to Wormmon. Wormmon handed me a crayon and a scrap of paper. "Yes. Go ahead."
"The number is 5923-2937."
I scribbled down the number with the crayon. "Thank you."
"Oh, it's nothing! Aww, Jun wants to use the phone and call her friends. I gotta go. See ya later."
"Bye." The phone clicked off and so I hung up.
I looked at the picture Wormmon drew. It was of him and me in a field. There were little pink hearts around Wormmon's head. I smiled at my Digimon. Wormmon smiled back.
"Let's go to bed now, Ken-chan."
I shook my head. "I need to practice, and I need to call Yamato. He wants me to play at his concert."
Wormmon looked a bit disappointed. But I didn't have time for him. I had to play. I hoped he understood.
I dialed the number that Daisuke gave me. The other line rang twice. I heard loud music in the background as someone said hello.
"Um, may I speak to Yamato, please?"
"This is he. Who's this?"
"Ichijouji Ken."
"Hey."
"Hello. Daisuke told me about the concert and I would like to play."
"It depends... what exactly do you play?"
"Viola."
"How high is your range?"
I held one hand up and visualized my fingerboard. "From a1 to a2, then b2, c2, d2... no farther than d2 without straining my hand."
"Let me get the sheet music. Hold on a sec." I heard the phone being set down somewhere. A door opened, and I could hear Taichi and Yamato talking for a little while. A few moments later the phone was picked up again. "Your range is fine. I'm pretty sure the notes don't go that far." He started to giggle. "Taichi, stop it, I'm busy. Yes I am! I'm talking to Ken." A pause. "Nooo... sit down over there and let me work." Another pause. "Sorry about that, Ken. Like I was saying, you could probably play this. The concert is in five days and I don't have time to hear you. Can you learn it by then?"
"I think so."
"Ok. Do you want me to give it to Daisuke or Takeru or can you come pick it up?"
"I'll pick it up."
"You know where I live?"
I could hear Taichi in the background saying, "Rock Star Boy Pimp Avenue!"
I ignored that. "I think so. I'll be over in a while."
"Thanks. Bye." He hung up rather quickly.
---
I took the bus to Odaiba to retrieve my sheet music. After a little trial and error, I figured out where his apartment was located. The front door was ajar, and I heard peculiar sounds coming from the back of the apartment. I knocked on the door, not knowing whether to come in or to wait outside. The noise grew louder. I began to worry a little, so I walked in. The noise sounded like Yamato's voice.
I made my way to the end of the hall, and noticed the door was open. I looked in and saw something that perhaps I shouldn't have walked in on. I felt a wave of stupidity wash over me. The noise stopped and the two of them were breathing heavily.
"Did you hear something?"
"Must have been... shit! I forgot Ken was coming over. Aitsu!" I heard a smack.
"Sorry, Yama-chan. Is this about the concert?"
"Yes."
"Shit. I'm sorry. Here, take my shirt and give him the music."
"It's all right," I said. "I'll find it."
"Wait, you'll never find it," Yamato began to say, then I think he fell from something, because there was a loud thump on the floor. He popped up from the doorway, in a long shirt typical of Taichi. "I'll get it for you."
He wandered to the couch, where there were lots of guitar tabs and sheet music. He took a thick stack of papers, found my part, and handed it to me. "Here. Learn it fast. If you can't memorize it by then, bring a stand. But I would rather you memorize it, ok? I also need you to stop by our Friday rehearsal so we can test the mic on your viola."
"Where is it?"
"By the Odaiba Junior High building, half a block north. You can't miss it. Get there by six."
I nodded. He turned to go back to his bedroom when I tapped him on the shoulder. "I need to ask you something," I whispered.
"What is it?"
"How do you know when you love someone?"
He smiled. "You don't." He raised his hand and I saw the glimmer of his ring. "I'm pretty sure about it myself. You won't know until it hits you." He walked back to his room. I walked outside, closed his front door, and stared at the sunset for a little while.
---
It was the night of the big concert. I waited backstage for my entrance. Yamato had the audience's full attention. Everything was really loud. Earlier Miyako put a microphone on my viola and it was off for the time being. I wasn't really prepared. I memorized the piece as Yamato wanted, but I still didn't feel prepared. Perhaps, when playing live rock concerts, it is expected to be spontaneous. The more I thought about it, the more it made me nervous.
A small dish of peppermints was by Yamato's water bottle. I reached over to grab one when I noticed the one I had did not have red stripes like the others. I ate it anyway, to calm myself. As I was about to take another peppermint, I noticed an odd swirl of red in Yamato's water. It did not float or sink, it seemed to stay in the middle and warp the water to its liking. I took another white one, and as it melted in my mouth the swirl of red slowly grew larger, and the peppermint began to taste bitter. I spat it into the wrapper and threw it away.
"Ken, you're on stage in one minute. Are you ready?" Miyako put her hand on my shoulder.
"I think so."
"All right! Ganbatte, Ken. Show 'em what you're made of." She gave me a thumbs up, and went over to the volume controls. The song Yamato was playing was done, and I was waiting on him to introduce me.
"Hey everyone, for our last song for tonight I thought I would have a special guest play a solo. From Tamachi Junior High, violist Ichijouji Ken!" He put his arm out to the wing I was waiting in, and I walked out to the stage. He attracted a very large crowd. I never thought I would play for such a loud audience. Everyone cheered when I went onstage. I suppose everyone remembered who I was. Ex-boy genius, ex-superstar soccer player, the one everyone used to be in love with. Now I play my song and see if they still love me.
Yamato looked at me. I nodded my head. The guitar softly led. Yamato stepped close to the microphone.
"Shiroi kitchin kabe ga aru sen mado..."
His voice was warm and quiet. Yamato did this to lead up to a more intense part of the song. He breathed in and sung louder.
"You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you..." I know who he was singing to. No one else knew but a few of us. I understood. One day I knew I would know this feeling.
He went into another stanza and I raised my bow. I accompanied in the lower strings. Then my solo came, and I played. It felt empty. I know that I could have played better, but I couldn't feel the music. The audience couldn't tell.
"You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you..." I went back to my lower accompaniment. Yamato's energy was strong and steady, until the end. We knew to cut off at the end.
The audience cheered. We all took a bow, and he said something into the microphone I could not hear, but then the audience clapped for me. I stood, slightly dumbstruck. It occurred to me to smile, and so I gave a little smile and took another bow.
We all went backstage. Taichi and Daisuke were there. Daisuke gave a little wave to me. Yamato walked to Taichi, smiling.
"Did she come?"
"Yes, and she left as it ended."
Yamato smirked. "Did anyone else come?"
I heard a girl yell. "But my stupid brother is backstage!! Let me in!! DAISUKE!!!!"
Daisuke began to snicker. "Jun came..." He laughed so hard he had to hold on to Taichi for balance.
"Hey guys! We thought we would come too." Jou walked in the door with Koushirou. Jun tried to run in after Koushirou, but he closed the door on her. By this time, Daisuke was on the floor, trying to breathe.
The door opened again, and Miyako came in. Jun came in right behind Miyako. As Miyako shut the door, Jun's scarf got caught in the door.
"Miyako... I told you, no fans backstage."
Miyako's smile turned pure evil as she turned to Daisuke. "This is for taking my good jelly beans from me!" She growled and hit him on the head.
He rubbed his head "Jeez, psycho Amazon, right Ken?"
She glared at him, then at me. I hid behind Yamato. Just then, Jun sprung from the door and jumped on Yamato, holding him tightly and holding me as well. I could hear him whimper.
"Taichi... please..."
Taichi took one of Jun's arms and tried to pull it off. I mouthed Jou's name and he tried to help Taichi. Koushirou stepped in and the three of them pulled Jun off. She began to pout.
"Junnnn! Go away already! He knows you love him, now leave him alone!" Daisuke stood firmly, his hands folded. She mocked him, then left the room. Daisuke mocked her mocking him.
"Hey guys," Taichi started, "want some ice cream? My treat..."
Yamato smiled. "Since you're paying, that's fine. Any of you coming?"
"How much money do you have, Taichi?" asked Jou.
"Enough."
Jou, Koushirou, Miyako, and Daisuke grinned. "We're going!"
Daisuke looked at me. "You're going too, right?"
I shrugged.
"Well, you don't have a choice. I'm dragging you with us." He grabbed my arm and all of us walked out the other way, avoiding Jun.
---
Our group of Chosen Children walked to the nearby ice cream parlour. We took two booths. Taichi, Yamato, Jou and Koushirou sat in one, and Miyako, Daisuke and I sat in another. We had a bit of small talk until someone came to wait on us. The older children took orders first, then Miyako and Daisuke.
"What about you, Ken? Don't you want anything?" Daisuke looked at me.
It made me a little embarrassed. "I don't think I should. I didn't do very well."
"So?! I don't care." He stood up and put his hands on the table. "Waiter, I want a really really big sundae with two spoons, please!!"
The waiter nodded and wrote it down.
I tugged on Daisuke's shirt. "Why did you ask for two spoons?"
He grinned. "I'm going to make you eat ice cream if it's the last thing you do!" I laughed at him and he smiled even more. "Anyway, you did really well tonight. But you didn't play like you used to."
I sighed. Daisuke could hear it. "I know. It didn't feel right."
"Maybe after you've had some ice cream, you can play for everyone and show them what you can REALLY do." He nodded at his own statement.
"I.. I don't want to..." I glanced out the window.
"Come on, please please?" He started to plead.
Yamato turned around from his booth. "Stop it, Daisuke-kun. If he doesn't want to play, you can't make him." He turned back around and it grew silent.
"Sorry about that, Ken." He sunk in his seat.
"It's all right, Daisuke. I'll play for you some other time. I'm glad you enjoy it."
His eyes grew wide and he sat up. "I really enjoyed it! You wouldn't believe it. All those girls, once you started to play, shut up and sat still in their chairs! They cheered for you AND Yamato!"
I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. I smiled. "Thank you."
The waiter came back with our ice cream. She handed it out. The sundae was last. It was as Daisuke requested -- really really big. The two of us ate our ice cream. For some reason, I didn't mind sharing. It was all right, if I shared it with him.
---
"I want to play something for you, Wormmon." I smiled at my Digimon, who was seated on my table.
"For me?"
"Yes," I began, "for you. This song is yours. It's called 'The Last Spring'. It's a little sad, but whenever I hear it, I think about you and how sweet you are." Those few words made his cheeks turn red.
"Oh, please play for me, Ken-chan!"
I set the bow on the string at the tip. Taking a breath, I played my part of the song. I could feel myself in the song, and giving it to Wormmon --
But something was wrong. Somehow, the music slowly changed itself into something oddly foreign. I was intent on finishing it, though. The song ends softly, yet it seemed so loud and intense. For a few seconds I spaced out, then regained composure. I put down my viola, and as I did, I began to cough.
"Ken-chan, your hand..." Wormmon pointed to the palm of my hand with his claw.
"What about it?" I looked at my hand and noticed it was bleeding. I wiped the blood off on my pants and observed the source. The scar on my hand somehow was cut again and was bleeding. This concerned me. "Oh. It must be that cut."
Wormmon nodded, then made a gasping sound. "Ken-chan...!!"
"Hm?"
"Your arm!"
I looked down. There was a dark red line running along my left arm. I took off my school jacket and shirt. There was nothing on my arm, just the scar I found in the shower. I checked my hand, and noticed that there were no signs of blood on my skin.
---
Daisuke and I spent a nice day at the park. It was beautiful, sunny, and very pleasant. We walked around for a while, talking about nothing in particular.
"Can you still run as fast as you used to?" Daisuke asked.
"Probably," I said. "I haven't done much of that in a while."
Daisuke nodded. "Well, then... I'll race you to the bottom of the bluff! First one gets the rest of my jelly beans!!" He sprinted off before I could object. I threw my viola case down and ran after him.
"You're cheating, you know that!" I yelled.
He looked back at me, sticking his tongue out. "So? I'm first and I get my jelly beans!!"
This only made me run faster. We reached the peak of the bluff with Daisuke still ahead. Before we went downhill, I tried to slow down, but I ran into Daisuke's back and we fell down the bluff, our arms and legs tangled up. Each time I tried to free myself, we went down faster and were more tangled until the bluff leveled off. Somehow I rolled over Daisuke, and we landed with our heads against one another, our hands touching.
Daisuke was panting. "I win," he spoke between breaths.
"No, I win," I huffed.
"Okay then, we both win." He laughed a little.
We stayed together like this for a long time. It was very quiet the whole time. I listened to his breathing. He was still awake. The feeling made me sleepy, and I almost drifted off.
"Ichijouji, go get your viola."
I absently shook my head. "I want to stay here, like this."
"Come on, please?" Daisuke stood up and held out a hand. I took it and stood up, dusting off the grass from my pants.
"All right." We walked up the bluff in silence.
When we reached the top, I opened the viola case. "You want me to play, right?"
"Yeah.. wait, hold on. I'll be back." Daisuke wandered off somewhere. I tuned and waited for him to reappear. He came back quickly, Yagami Hikari in tow. "Play the song you played for me, please."
I kind of nodded, and began to play "Von ewiger Liebe". Daisuke watched Hikari. She seemed pleased.
"For you, Hikari-chan. A song for you." Daisuke smiled at her. Hikari blushed and chuckled.
"It was kind of you to have Ken play for me, Daisuke." She smiled at him. "I need to go now, but thank you very much, both of you." She turned her heel and left quickly.
An odd rage came over me. This was my song to Daisuke. He took it and disfigured it. I seethed. This was my gift to him. It was not meant to give away, as someone with their heart on their sleeve, but to be kept close. He could have shared. He could have said it was his song. But he mangled that part of me I wanted him to have. I tried hard to control my anger.
He put an arm around me. "Man, you really impressed her! I think I have a chance with her. Thanks, Ken!" He grinned. I shoved him away.
"Ichijouji? What's wrong?" He looked at me.
I put my bow in my other hand, and punched him as hard as I could. "You hurt me," I whispered intensely.
He looked at me as if he had been bitten by a garden snake. "What the hell did I do? I just wanted you to play a stupid song!"
I lunged at him. "Stupid?! Is that what you think of me giving my music to you?!"
"What are you talking about?" he yelled, trying to hold me at a distance.
I grappled on to his neck. "I told you when I first played that song it was yours!"
He clawed at my hands. "I didn't know what you meant by that! I didn't think it was important!"
The viola, by this time, was on the grass. Its energy radiated from itself and seemed to heighten my anger. The blood in my veins stung painfully, but not as painfully as Daisuke. I closed my hands around his neck, hoping to make him hurt as much as I did. He was gasping for air and flailing when he hit my stomach, throwing me backwards. He tackled me and slammed me to the ground, holding my shoulders. I reached to slap him, but he blocked and slapped me hard. I screeched and punched him but he moved his head before the punch landed. He put his whole body weight on me and held my wrists.
"Listen, Ichijouji. I don't know what's wrong with you, but cut all that shit out!" I have never seen Daisuke look anyone in the eye with such venom as he did to me.
I relaxed in his grip and turned my head to one side. "I don't know what you mean, because you are the one who hurt me, Motomiya."
He let go of one wrist, held my chin, and turned my face toward him. "What happened, aitsu?" He was still angry, but it seemed to diminish somewhat.
I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry. "You gave away the song I gave to you. It was a present, for you and no one else. I..." My words faded.
His anger faded. "Oh," he breathed. "I'm sorry." His eyes seemed so full of sorrow.
I wanted to tell him it was all right. But a wave of pain, like needles, washed over me and reignited the fire within. I quickly pushed him over, ran to my viola, and threw it in the case. "You're not sorry," I shot back. "I am your musical service, a slave to your whims, Motomiya Daisuke."
He looked at me with his soft brown eyes, confused. "I told you I was sorry!"
I yelled at him. "You're only sorry because you don't care!" I began to run.
"Why won't you listen?" He was yelling too, growing more upset the faster I ran.
"I am listening, so listen to me! I don't need you! Just leave me alone!!" I ran off as fast as I could to the bus station.
---
Even after the bus trip home I felt depressed. I just wanted to let it all go. So I practiced that night. I left the door to the terrace open. I liked playing outside, but I needed to be confined today. Alone. I ignored Wormmon, who was atop my bed.
I took out my music stand and my music. I spread out my music over the stand to play. The bow was tightened and rosined, the strings were tuned, and the shoulder rest was on. I began to play.
From the moment I touched bow to string I felt my heart pour out. Everything I felt, all the anguish and hurt and rage and sadness, flowed into my own fingers. I played harder than I had ever played. The pianissimo was a faint whisper, the fortissimo was a wrenching scream. I came into the part of the music that was marked accelerando when a gust of wind knocked the music off the stand. I could feel the paper hitting me with an odd force, as if every page had a score to settle with me. The wind blew harder as each note grew louder and quicker. I could feel my body slipping into the music with every increment. Then I hit a very loud and very strong down bow.
Grand pause. The wind stopped. I noticed my left hand. Each finger was dark red like the wood of the viola. The strings had become dark red, too. The black ebony fingerboard was stained in my blood. My own blood was shed to play. The blood trickled down my hand and stained the carpet to be in its own image. I could taste my own desire. I laughed bitterly. My bow seemed to slide out of my right hand and fall to the ground, praying for me.
Then it hit me -- I had played to die. Fear washed over me and I fell to my knees. The weight of my body brought me to a sitting position. My viola slid from my shoulder, across my lap, and to the floor. Such a horrid piece of shit. I could still see my bloody left hand, which rested on my lap. I wanted to join the blood of my body and leave me. It hurt so much, yet I could not feel any pain; it seemed to numb me.
I was hunched over my hand and the viola, staring at nothing at all. My right hand brushed over the instrument, feeling the energy I poured unto it. My left palm clamped down the viola. I involuntarily ripped the A string from the viola with my right hand. The string lashed out at me and cut my skin at the jaw. I dropped the string and touched my jaw. It stung from the metal and animal gut. All I could think to do was to lie down next to that curséd thing, that box of horror. I could hear loud screams from my bed, but they passed through my skull and out the window.
The reason the viola was red was because it was made with blood. The color didn't look so demonically luminescent until now. I realized that it was my own blood now. The viola sold me. I fell asleep curled up next to it. We were one now.
---
I didn't want to go to his grave. Why did he have to give up? I remember once when he played for me. We were alone, and he played a song for me. I saw his heart play that song. He said that the song was mine. I never saw him play like that when he played at Yamato's concert, though. When he played that time, it felt like he was playing someone else's song, and not Yamato's.
Wormmon said lost his soul the night he died. Wormmon told me that he felt so inadequate because he just stood by while he let his best friend die. I told him I felt the same way too. Could we have done something? I don't know. I wish there were some kind of time travel device so I could go back in time and save Ken from himself. We all loved him so much. He was my best friend.
"Daisuke... come on, let's go," Takeru called. Takeru, Hikari, Miyako, and Iori had come to the cemetery with me. They had paid their respects. They didn't like to see me so depressed over Ken, even if he was important to me. They wanted me to go.
"Just a minute," I called back. His nameless song, the one in his heart he never played for me, danced in my head. I smiled a little. I hope he was happy, in the sky where he belonged. I had one last thing for him, though. It was just a small token of my friendship. I knew he would like it.
I placed a single white rose on his grave.
End.
Special thanks to Julia.
http://neo-tokyo.8m.com/redviola
by Youkaiko (2001.2.15)
---------
I came home from school one day to find a large black case in the living room. My mother told me it contained a viola. She had gone to a junk shop out of curiosity and found a very old viola there for 20,000 yen. The owner of the store told her it was a very small amount of money for such a valuable instrument.
"I thought you might want to have it. You don't have to play if you don't want to. If not, you can do whatever you want with it," she told me. I opened the case and inspected the viola. It was somewhat large, but very lightweight. It looked to be of very good wood. The thing that alarmed me was the color. It was a very deep, heavy red. Not a cherry red, which is normal for wood, but a very rich and disturbing color of red. It seemed so emotional for an instrument. I plucked a string. Even a simple pluck expressed emotion.
I knew then it was mine.
Mother and I took the viola with us as we went to a music store and talked to one of the people there. The clerk explained that there were certain things you needed to buy in order to play and maintain a stringed instrument. I showed her the viola.
"What an interesting viola," she remarked. She told me to hold it beneath my chin and my left shoulder and to hold it up with my hand. Apparently, I needed a shoulder rest because there was too much space between the viola, my chin, and my shoulder. She said I also needed rosin to put on the bow, a special wood polish to keep it clean, and perhaps lessons.
My first attempt at playing the viola was a failure. That was expected. My parents and Wormmon were patient as I practiced almost every night before I went to bed. When I got the chance I studied the techniques of other violists by watching a lot more television. I listened to how they played, but I mostly observed their positions. There were many specifics in playing a stringed instrument. In holding the bow, one had to hold it a certain way. It was a cross between the Russian and German techniques. One must be able to hold the instrument with their chin and shoulder so that you don't have to hold it by one's hand. One needed to bow straight and between the fingerboard and the bridge. It seemed a little overwhelming at first, but I realized it was like soccer. There were proper ways to do things, but it involved a lot of practice.
"Why do you want to play viola, Ken-chan?" Wormmon asked me. He watched me rosin my bow and warm up.
"When I saw it, I just had the urge to. It felt natural," I explained. Wormmon looked at the viola with wonder. "I know it's a piece of wood, but I've taken to it."
"You won't forget about me, will you?" He looked at me with those sweet blue eyes.
"Of course not. You and I are best friend, right? Not even music can stop us." I smiled at Wormmon and touched his head with my finger. He giggled and scurried to the other end of the room.
My parents talked to the principal, and I was allowed to join the school orchestra mid-year. They were all somewhat experienced. There were only three other violists. Most everyone played violin. The orchestra was well balanced, though. The director thought that we should not play easy music, and I soon learned we were taught to play orchestra pieces by great composers like Haydn, Bach, Mozart, Handel, and others.
I came home each day very overwhelmed by my classes. My parents offered to pull me out, but I told them I could handle it. I really couldn't. Every time I practiced, I could hear every mistake, every wrong note, every bad bowing, every fault. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't seem quite right.
"Ken-chan, you just started playing!" Wormmon told me.
"I can't use that as my excuse. There are other people I've met who have learned to play well in a shorter time," I shot back.
"But you shouldn't try so hard, Ken-chan! If you took it easy, you would pick it up faster. I'm sure of it," he consoled.
"It's not good enough." I put the viola and bow down on the floor and climbed into bed. It's so hard when you're competing with truly talented people. I just wanted to cry and get it all out. So I did. I cried as I held back my screams.
Wormmon stood on the pillow. I could hear him comfort me with pretty words that did not seem to fit me. He snuggled close to me. I tried to stop crying. But it made me hurt even more. I wanted to yell, but my parents would have noticed.
The fingernails on my right hand were a bit long. I noticed this as I dug them into my skin. It was like having an intense paper cut. I couldn't see my hand, but I could sense the redness and irritation. The pain made me want to shout, but I realized the only way I could release my anger was either through hurting myself or playing. If I played, I would hear the wretchedness of my own inability. There were a few simple pieces that required a lot of emotion, though.
From now on I had to pour myself onto the viola.
---
I was walking home with Daisuke one day. He was telling me about the soccer game that he played against Juuban Junior High the other day.
"Aw, man, it was awesome! I scored two goals against their top guy, Tanaka or whatever. I just went right past him and zoom! Oh, want a jelly bean?" He dug through his pockets and took out a white jelly bean.
I shrugged. He pressed it into my free hand. I ate it, and it tasted of coconut. I liked it. "Daisuke, where did you get it?"
He smirked. "I took the bag from Miyako when she wasn't looking. They were good, too. I like the cappuccino ones. They taste really really really good!" He chortled for a few seconds, then snapped back into reality.
I glanced at him. "How many of those have you eaten?"
"Oh, only half a bag," he remarked. He poked my viola case. "What's in here?"
"A viola."
"What's a viola?"
"It's like a cross between a violin and a cello."
"Can you play something for me?"
We stopped walking and I set down my things. I unzipped the case and removed the viola, bow, and shoulder rest. "What do you want me to play?"
"I dunno, just play."
So I did. I began to play in 3/4 time. The song sounded familiar. At first it was lifeless, but by the time I got to the lento moderato, I put my heart into it. I could feel it. I began to use more and more vibrato. Sadly, it ended.
"Ichijouji, what was that?" He looked at me, puzzled.
"It... it was a piece by Brahms, called 'Von ewiger Liebe', or 'Love is Forever'." The words just seemed to come out. As soon as they did, I realized what I said. It made me feel so awkward. I could feel my cheeks become warm and red.
Daisuke just laughed at me. "I liked it, but you're so weird, playing mushy stuff for me."
"I... wanted you to... to have your own piece," I stammered. "I meant it for you."
A smile came across his face. "That was really nice of you! Thank you."
I looked down, embarrassed.
---
The warm water hit my face as I reached for the shampoo. I poured a bit of shampoo into the palm of my hand when I noticed a long scar running down the middle of my left arm. It started below my wrist and ended midway between my shoulder and my elbow. I ignored it and began to shampoo my long hair. I never thought to cut it. Was it really that important? The whole bathing process was made more enjoyable by actually having hair to wash.
I stood under the shower and let the water run through my lathered hair. I had a curious habit of playing with my still-wet hair while washing out the shampoo. I was moving it out of my eyes when I noticed another scar, this time on my right palm. It stretched horizontally from my thumb to the end of my hand. It concerned me a little more. But I knew it was probably something I did that I forgot about, which was common.
I took my mind off of my mysterious scars and let it wander as I began to wash my skin. I thought about what Daisuke had said to me earlier today. What possessed me to play "Von ewiger Liebe"? It was Brahms. It was too emotional to play for a friend like Daisuke. It felt right, though. I liked when he smiled. He had a beautiful smile, and beautiful eyes.
This too bothered me, and I didn't want to think about it. I decided it best that I stop mulling over such trivial things and forget everything. The soap was fluffy and bubbly. It easily slid off my skin and down into the drain. I watched as the last of the white suds left me and disappeared.
---
"Moshi moshi. Hi Daisuke! Yeah. Ken-chan! Phone!"
I looked down at the table from the bed. "Yes, Wormmon?"
Wormmon held up the telephone. "Daisuke wants to talk to you."
I got up, walked down the ladder, and took the phone from his claws. I gave Wormmon a little pat on the head.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ichijouji. What's up?"
"Nothing." I was rather terse. I couldn't help it; I was not used to talking to people over the phone.
"Yamato needs a violinist for his band. He's doing a cover of some song and I told him you play something like a violin. Can you do it?"
Something like a violin? At least Daisuke was paying attention when I told him what the viola was. "I guess."
"Cool! Then I'll get to see you there. Jun's dragging me to Yamato's concert. I wanted to stay home and play video games, 'cause I finally got enough cash to buy a game, and now Jun says, 'Nooo! You have to come with me! The backstage guards know you're Yamato's friend! Blah blah blah!'"
His terrible imitation of Jun was annoying. "Do I call Yamato then?"
"Yeah. Do you have his number?"
"No."
"Be right back." I could hear Daisuke shout to Jun asking for Yamato's number. She shouted back as if she memorized it. It made me wonder if Jun had ever called Yamato before.
"Ok, I got his number. Got a pencil?"
I looked around and motioned to Wormmon. Wormmon handed me a crayon and a scrap of paper. "Yes. Go ahead."
"The number is 5923-2937."
I scribbled down the number with the crayon. "Thank you."
"Oh, it's nothing! Aww, Jun wants to use the phone and call her friends. I gotta go. See ya later."
"Bye." The phone clicked off and so I hung up.
I looked at the picture Wormmon drew. It was of him and me in a field. There were little pink hearts around Wormmon's head. I smiled at my Digimon. Wormmon smiled back.
"Let's go to bed now, Ken-chan."
I shook my head. "I need to practice, and I need to call Yamato. He wants me to play at his concert."
Wormmon looked a bit disappointed. But I didn't have time for him. I had to play. I hoped he understood.
I dialed the number that Daisuke gave me. The other line rang twice. I heard loud music in the background as someone said hello.
"Um, may I speak to Yamato, please?"
"This is he. Who's this?"
"Ichijouji Ken."
"Hey."
"Hello. Daisuke told me about the concert and I would like to play."
"It depends... what exactly do you play?"
"Viola."
"How high is your range?"
I held one hand up and visualized my fingerboard. "From a1 to a2, then b2, c2, d2... no farther than d2 without straining my hand."
"Let me get the sheet music. Hold on a sec." I heard the phone being set down somewhere. A door opened, and I could hear Taichi and Yamato talking for a little while. A few moments later the phone was picked up again. "Your range is fine. I'm pretty sure the notes don't go that far." He started to giggle. "Taichi, stop it, I'm busy. Yes I am! I'm talking to Ken." A pause. "Nooo... sit down over there and let me work." Another pause. "Sorry about that, Ken. Like I was saying, you could probably play this. The concert is in five days and I don't have time to hear you. Can you learn it by then?"
"I think so."
"Ok. Do you want me to give it to Daisuke or Takeru or can you come pick it up?"
"I'll pick it up."
"You know where I live?"
I could hear Taichi in the background saying, "Rock Star Boy Pimp Avenue!"
I ignored that. "I think so. I'll be over in a while."
"Thanks. Bye." He hung up rather quickly.
---
I took the bus to Odaiba to retrieve my sheet music. After a little trial and error, I figured out where his apartment was located. The front door was ajar, and I heard peculiar sounds coming from the back of the apartment. I knocked on the door, not knowing whether to come in or to wait outside. The noise grew louder. I began to worry a little, so I walked in. The noise sounded like Yamato's voice.
I made my way to the end of the hall, and noticed the door was open. I looked in and saw something that perhaps I shouldn't have walked in on. I felt a wave of stupidity wash over me. The noise stopped and the two of them were breathing heavily.
"Did you hear something?"
"Must have been... shit! I forgot Ken was coming over. Aitsu!" I heard a smack.
"Sorry, Yama-chan. Is this about the concert?"
"Yes."
"Shit. I'm sorry. Here, take my shirt and give him the music."
"It's all right," I said. "I'll find it."
"Wait, you'll never find it," Yamato began to say, then I think he fell from something, because there was a loud thump on the floor. He popped up from the doorway, in a long shirt typical of Taichi. "I'll get it for you."
He wandered to the couch, where there were lots of guitar tabs and sheet music. He took a thick stack of papers, found my part, and handed it to me. "Here. Learn it fast. If you can't memorize it by then, bring a stand. But I would rather you memorize it, ok? I also need you to stop by our Friday rehearsal so we can test the mic on your viola."
"Where is it?"
"By the Odaiba Junior High building, half a block north. You can't miss it. Get there by six."
I nodded. He turned to go back to his bedroom when I tapped him on the shoulder. "I need to ask you something," I whispered.
"What is it?"
"How do you know when you love someone?"
He smiled. "You don't." He raised his hand and I saw the glimmer of his ring. "I'm pretty sure about it myself. You won't know until it hits you." He walked back to his room. I walked outside, closed his front door, and stared at the sunset for a little while.
---
It was the night of the big concert. I waited backstage for my entrance. Yamato had the audience's full attention. Everything was really loud. Earlier Miyako put a microphone on my viola and it was off for the time being. I wasn't really prepared. I memorized the piece as Yamato wanted, but I still didn't feel prepared. Perhaps, when playing live rock concerts, it is expected to be spontaneous. The more I thought about it, the more it made me nervous.
A small dish of peppermints was by Yamato's water bottle. I reached over to grab one when I noticed the one I had did not have red stripes like the others. I ate it anyway, to calm myself. As I was about to take another peppermint, I noticed an odd swirl of red in Yamato's water. It did not float or sink, it seemed to stay in the middle and warp the water to its liking. I took another white one, and as it melted in my mouth the swirl of red slowly grew larger, and the peppermint began to taste bitter. I spat it into the wrapper and threw it away.
"Ken, you're on stage in one minute. Are you ready?" Miyako put her hand on my shoulder.
"I think so."
"All right! Ganbatte, Ken. Show 'em what you're made of." She gave me a thumbs up, and went over to the volume controls. The song Yamato was playing was done, and I was waiting on him to introduce me.
"Hey everyone, for our last song for tonight I thought I would have a special guest play a solo. From Tamachi Junior High, violist Ichijouji Ken!" He put his arm out to the wing I was waiting in, and I walked out to the stage. He attracted a very large crowd. I never thought I would play for such a loud audience. Everyone cheered when I went onstage. I suppose everyone remembered who I was. Ex-boy genius, ex-superstar soccer player, the one everyone used to be in love with. Now I play my song and see if they still love me.
Yamato looked at me. I nodded my head. The guitar softly led. Yamato stepped close to the microphone.
"Shiroi kitchin kabe ga aru sen mado..."
His voice was warm and quiet. Yamato did this to lead up to a more intense part of the song. He breathed in and sung louder.
"You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you..." I know who he was singing to. No one else knew but a few of us. I understood. One day I knew I would know this feeling.
He went into another stanza and I raised my bow. I accompanied in the lower strings. Then my solo came, and I played. It felt empty. I know that I could have played better, but I couldn't feel the music. The audience couldn't tell.
"You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you..." I went back to my lower accompaniment. Yamato's energy was strong and steady, until the end. We knew to cut off at the end.
The audience cheered. We all took a bow, and he said something into the microphone I could not hear, but then the audience clapped for me. I stood, slightly dumbstruck. It occurred to me to smile, and so I gave a little smile and took another bow.
We all went backstage. Taichi and Daisuke were there. Daisuke gave a little wave to me. Yamato walked to Taichi, smiling.
"Did she come?"
"Yes, and she left as it ended."
Yamato smirked. "Did anyone else come?"
I heard a girl yell. "But my stupid brother is backstage!! Let me in!! DAISUKE!!!!"
Daisuke began to snicker. "Jun came..." He laughed so hard he had to hold on to Taichi for balance.
"Hey guys! We thought we would come too." Jou walked in the door with Koushirou. Jun tried to run in after Koushirou, but he closed the door on her. By this time, Daisuke was on the floor, trying to breathe.
The door opened again, and Miyako came in. Jun came in right behind Miyako. As Miyako shut the door, Jun's scarf got caught in the door.
"Miyako... I told you, no fans backstage."
Miyako's smile turned pure evil as she turned to Daisuke. "This is for taking my good jelly beans from me!" She growled and hit him on the head.
He rubbed his head "Jeez, psycho Amazon, right Ken?"
She glared at him, then at me. I hid behind Yamato. Just then, Jun sprung from the door and jumped on Yamato, holding him tightly and holding me as well. I could hear him whimper.
"Taichi... please..."
Taichi took one of Jun's arms and tried to pull it off. I mouthed Jou's name and he tried to help Taichi. Koushirou stepped in and the three of them pulled Jun off. She began to pout.
"Junnnn! Go away already! He knows you love him, now leave him alone!" Daisuke stood firmly, his hands folded. She mocked him, then left the room. Daisuke mocked her mocking him.
"Hey guys," Taichi started, "want some ice cream? My treat..."
Yamato smiled. "Since you're paying, that's fine. Any of you coming?"
"How much money do you have, Taichi?" asked Jou.
"Enough."
Jou, Koushirou, Miyako, and Daisuke grinned. "We're going!"
Daisuke looked at me. "You're going too, right?"
I shrugged.
"Well, you don't have a choice. I'm dragging you with us." He grabbed my arm and all of us walked out the other way, avoiding Jun.
---
Our group of Chosen Children walked to the nearby ice cream parlour. We took two booths. Taichi, Yamato, Jou and Koushirou sat in one, and Miyako, Daisuke and I sat in another. We had a bit of small talk until someone came to wait on us. The older children took orders first, then Miyako and Daisuke.
"What about you, Ken? Don't you want anything?" Daisuke looked at me.
It made me a little embarrassed. "I don't think I should. I didn't do very well."
"So?! I don't care." He stood up and put his hands on the table. "Waiter, I want a really really big sundae with two spoons, please!!"
The waiter nodded and wrote it down.
I tugged on Daisuke's shirt. "Why did you ask for two spoons?"
He grinned. "I'm going to make you eat ice cream if it's the last thing you do!" I laughed at him and he smiled even more. "Anyway, you did really well tonight. But you didn't play like you used to."
I sighed. Daisuke could hear it. "I know. It didn't feel right."
"Maybe after you've had some ice cream, you can play for everyone and show them what you can REALLY do." He nodded at his own statement.
"I.. I don't want to..." I glanced out the window.
"Come on, please please?" He started to plead.
Yamato turned around from his booth. "Stop it, Daisuke-kun. If he doesn't want to play, you can't make him." He turned back around and it grew silent.
"Sorry about that, Ken." He sunk in his seat.
"It's all right, Daisuke. I'll play for you some other time. I'm glad you enjoy it."
His eyes grew wide and he sat up. "I really enjoyed it! You wouldn't believe it. All those girls, once you started to play, shut up and sat still in their chairs! They cheered for you AND Yamato!"
I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. I smiled. "Thank you."
The waiter came back with our ice cream. She handed it out. The sundae was last. It was as Daisuke requested -- really really big. The two of us ate our ice cream. For some reason, I didn't mind sharing. It was all right, if I shared it with him.
---
"I want to play something for you, Wormmon." I smiled at my Digimon, who was seated on my table.
"For me?"
"Yes," I began, "for you. This song is yours. It's called 'The Last Spring'. It's a little sad, but whenever I hear it, I think about you and how sweet you are." Those few words made his cheeks turn red.
"Oh, please play for me, Ken-chan!"
I set the bow on the string at the tip. Taking a breath, I played my part of the song. I could feel myself in the song, and giving it to Wormmon --
But something was wrong. Somehow, the music slowly changed itself into something oddly foreign. I was intent on finishing it, though. The song ends softly, yet it seemed so loud and intense. For a few seconds I spaced out, then regained composure. I put down my viola, and as I did, I began to cough.
"Ken-chan, your hand..." Wormmon pointed to the palm of my hand with his claw.
"What about it?" I looked at my hand and noticed it was bleeding. I wiped the blood off on my pants and observed the source. The scar on my hand somehow was cut again and was bleeding. This concerned me. "Oh. It must be that cut."
Wormmon nodded, then made a gasping sound. "Ken-chan...!!"
"Hm?"
"Your arm!"
I looked down. There was a dark red line running along my left arm. I took off my school jacket and shirt. There was nothing on my arm, just the scar I found in the shower. I checked my hand, and noticed that there were no signs of blood on my skin.
---
Daisuke and I spent a nice day at the park. It was beautiful, sunny, and very pleasant. We walked around for a while, talking about nothing in particular.
"Can you still run as fast as you used to?" Daisuke asked.
"Probably," I said. "I haven't done much of that in a while."
Daisuke nodded. "Well, then... I'll race you to the bottom of the bluff! First one gets the rest of my jelly beans!!" He sprinted off before I could object. I threw my viola case down and ran after him.
"You're cheating, you know that!" I yelled.
He looked back at me, sticking his tongue out. "So? I'm first and I get my jelly beans!!"
This only made me run faster. We reached the peak of the bluff with Daisuke still ahead. Before we went downhill, I tried to slow down, but I ran into Daisuke's back and we fell down the bluff, our arms and legs tangled up. Each time I tried to free myself, we went down faster and were more tangled until the bluff leveled off. Somehow I rolled over Daisuke, and we landed with our heads against one another, our hands touching.
Daisuke was panting. "I win," he spoke between breaths.
"No, I win," I huffed.
"Okay then, we both win." He laughed a little.
We stayed together like this for a long time. It was very quiet the whole time. I listened to his breathing. He was still awake. The feeling made me sleepy, and I almost drifted off.
"Ichijouji, go get your viola."
I absently shook my head. "I want to stay here, like this."
"Come on, please?" Daisuke stood up and held out a hand. I took it and stood up, dusting off the grass from my pants.
"All right." We walked up the bluff in silence.
When we reached the top, I opened the viola case. "You want me to play, right?"
"Yeah.. wait, hold on. I'll be back." Daisuke wandered off somewhere. I tuned and waited for him to reappear. He came back quickly, Yagami Hikari in tow. "Play the song you played for me, please."
I kind of nodded, and began to play "Von ewiger Liebe". Daisuke watched Hikari. She seemed pleased.
"For you, Hikari-chan. A song for you." Daisuke smiled at her. Hikari blushed and chuckled.
"It was kind of you to have Ken play for me, Daisuke." She smiled at him. "I need to go now, but thank you very much, both of you." She turned her heel and left quickly.
An odd rage came over me. This was my song to Daisuke. He took it and disfigured it. I seethed. This was my gift to him. It was not meant to give away, as someone with their heart on their sleeve, but to be kept close. He could have shared. He could have said it was his song. But he mangled that part of me I wanted him to have. I tried hard to control my anger.
He put an arm around me. "Man, you really impressed her! I think I have a chance with her. Thanks, Ken!" He grinned. I shoved him away.
"Ichijouji? What's wrong?" He looked at me.
I put my bow in my other hand, and punched him as hard as I could. "You hurt me," I whispered intensely.
He looked at me as if he had been bitten by a garden snake. "What the hell did I do? I just wanted you to play a stupid song!"
I lunged at him. "Stupid?! Is that what you think of me giving my music to you?!"
"What are you talking about?" he yelled, trying to hold me at a distance.
I grappled on to his neck. "I told you when I first played that song it was yours!"
He clawed at my hands. "I didn't know what you meant by that! I didn't think it was important!"
The viola, by this time, was on the grass. Its energy radiated from itself and seemed to heighten my anger. The blood in my veins stung painfully, but not as painfully as Daisuke. I closed my hands around his neck, hoping to make him hurt as much as I did. He was gasping for air and flailing when he hit my stomach, throwing me backwards. He tackled me and slammed me to the ground, holding my shoulders. I reached to slap him, but he blocked and slapped me hard. I screeched and punched him but he moved his head before the punch landed. He put his whole body weight on me and held my wrists.
"Listen, Ichijouji. I don't know what's wrong with you, but cut all that shit out!" I have never seen Daisuke look anyone in the eye with such venom as he did to me.
I relaxed in his grip and turned my head to one side. "I don't know what you mean, because you are the one who hurt me, Motomiya."
He let go of one wrist, held my chin, and turned my face toward him. "What happened, aitsu?" He was still angry, but it seemed to diminish somewhat.
I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry. "You gave away the song I gave to you. It was a present, for you and no one else. I..." My words faded.
His anger faded. "Oh," he breathed. "I'm sorry." His eyes seemed so full of sorrow.
I wanted to tell him it was all right. But a wave of pain, like needles, washed over me and reignited the fire within. I quickly pushed him over, ran to my viola, and threw it in the case. "You're not sorry," I shot back. "I am your musical service, a slave to your whims, Motomiya Daisuke."
He looked at me with his soft brown eyes, confused. "I told you I was sorry!"
I yelled at him. "You're only sorry because you don't care!" I began to run.
"Why won't you listen?" He was yelling too, growing more upset the faster I ran.
"I am listening, so listen to me! I don't need you! Just leave me alone!!" I ran off as fast as I could to the bus station.
---
Even after the bus trip home I felt depressed. I just wanted to let it all go. So I practiced that night. I left the door to the terrace open. I liked playing outside, but I needed to be confined today. Alone. I ignored Wormmon, who was atop my bed.
I took out my music stand and my music. I spread out my music over the stand to play. The bow was tightened and rosined, the strings were tuned, and the shoulder rest was on. I began to play.
From the moment I touched bow to string I felt my heart pour out. Everything I felt, all the anguish and hurt and rage and sadness, flowed into my own fingers. I played harder than I had ever played. The pianissimo was a faint whisper, the fortissimo was a wrenching scream. I came into the part of the music that was marked accelerando when a gust of wind knocked the music off the stand. I could feel the paper hitting me with an odd force, as if every page had a score to settle with me. The wind blew harder as each note grew louder and quicker. I could feel my body slipping into the music with every increment. Then I hit a very loud and very strong down bow.
Grand pause. The wind stopped. I noticed my left hand. Each finger was dark red like the wood of the viola. The strings had become dark red, too. The black ebony fingerboard was stained in my blood. My own blood was shed to play. The blood trickled down my hand and stained the carpet to be in its own image. I could taste my own desire. I laughed bitterly. My bow seemed to slide out of my right hand and fall to the ground, praying for me.
Then it hit me -- I had played to die. Fear washed over me and I fell to my knees. The weight of my body brought me to a sitting position. My viola slid from my shoulder, across my lap, and to the floor. Such a horrid piece of shit. I could still see my bloody left hand, which rested on my lap. I wanted to join the blood of my body and leave me. It hurt so much, yet I could not feel any pain; it seemed to numb me.
I was hunched over my hand and the viola, staring at nothing at all. My right hand brushed over the instrument, feeling the energy I poured unto it. My left palm clamped down the viola. I involuntarily ripped the A string from the viola with my right hand. The string lashed out at me and cut my skin at the jaw. I dropped the string and touched my jaw. It stung from the metal and animal gut. All I could think to do was to lie down next to that curséd thing, that box of horror. I could hear loud screams from my bed, but they passed through my skull and out the window.
The reason the viola was red was because it was made with blood. The color didn't look so demonically luminescent until now. I realized that it was my own blood now. The viola sold me. I fell asleep curled up next to it. We were one now.
---
I didn't want to go to his grave. Why did he have to give up? I remember once when he played for me. We were alone, and he played a song for me. I saw his heart play that song. He said that the song was mine. I never saw him play like that when he played at Yamato's concert, though. When he played that time, it felt like he was playing someone else's song, and not Yamato's.
Wormmon said lost his soul the night he died. Wormmon told me that he felt so inadequate because he just stood by while he let his best friend die. I told him I felt the same way too. Could we have done something? I don't know. I wish there were some kind of time travel device so I could go back in time and save Ken from himself. We all loved him so much. He was my best friend.
"Daisuke... come on, let's go," Takeru called. Takeru, Hikari, Miyako, and Iori had come to the cemetery with me. They had paid their respects. They didn't like to see me so depressed over Ken, even if he was important to me. They wanted me to go.
"Just a minute," I called back. His nameless song, the one in his heart he never played for me, danced in my head. I smiled a little. I hope he was happy, in the sky where he belonged. I had one last thing for him, though. It was just a small token of my friendship. I knew he would like it.
I placed a single white rose on his grave.
End.
Special thanks to Julia.
http://neo-tokyo.8m.com/redviola