Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ This Too Shall Pass ❯ This Too Shall Pass- One ( Chapter 1 )

A/N- Hiya! Sorry this took so long. I went back and revised the first chapter a bit. I wasn't happy with it at all, also I tried to make this chapter longer to apologize for the long wait. I'm really sorry about that.

Anyway, please R and R? Enjoy!

Disclaimer: *blinks* Do you have any idea how screwed up these characters would be in the show if I got my hands on them?

This Too Shall Pass Chapter 1

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Sleep, my lovely little angel.
Rest in the peace of your dreams.
When you wake, I'll still be here.
Forever and always, as long as you remember
To stay with me, till death do us part

~unknown writer

~~~~~~~

Yamato blinked his eyes open lazily as the sun streamed in through the window. He took a deep breath and stretched a bit before turning over to his boyfriend.

"Taichi?"

The brunette was staring at the ceiling. He turned to face Yamato and smiled...just a little too brightly.

"Morning Mato."

The blue-eyed boy extended his arms and Taichi crawled into them immediately.

"You feel okay?"

Taichi looked at him like he had three heads.

"Of course I am, why?"

Matt just shook his head.

"Nothing. I have band practice today."

"Cool. I was gonna do some stuff around the place anyway. You're dad's not gonna be here, right?"

"No, he'll be gone till tomorrow."

Yamato's father was on assignment so Taichi was staying over. It wasn't like they were sneaking around. Both Taichi and Yamato families knew about their relationship and although they had never asked out right, they were fairly sure that said relationship went a little deeper than kissing and hugging.

Yamato chuckled a bit to himself. No one was surprised when the two got together. Their friends had all apparently known before they had and their families were nothing but supportive. Both sides thought that the one boy would be good for the other.

Taichi had helped to draw Matt out of his shell when they were younger and he was now a fairly popular rock star figure in Japan. Nothing top of the charts, but well known in Odaiba at least.

Yamato, well, he had helped Taichi and his family a great deal in the near past. Taichi seemed to open up and respond to him more. Tai loved his family, but sometimes there were things that he just didn't think they could handle.

"I'll be out for about three hours. What are you going to do?…Are you gonna be okay?"

No matter how happy Taichi had been last night, there was always a good chance that he wouldn't be nearly as fine that morning.

Taichi had bipolar disorder and his was rapid cycling. He could be fine one minute and go ballistic the next, or just withdraw into himself. You just never had too much of a warning to know what was going to happen.

"I'll be fine." Taichi said seriously

"Sure?"

Taichi broke into a grin.

"Yep! Maybe I'll go play some soccer or something at the park. I am the best you know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Yamato muttered, smiling as he slowly got out of bed to try and find some clothes. Taichi was the best player on the team at school. He was the leading striker.

"Or I might just stay around the house and vegetate, don't know which yet."

Taichi was pulling a baggy blue shirt over his head and had somehow managed to find some boxers and khaki shorts in the mess of clothes that was Yamato's room.

"Okay. Just call my cell if anything comes up, kay?" The blonde had managed to find a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

Taichi yawned and stretched as he stood up.

"I will." Tai looked at the clock. "Shouldn't you be going? It's 10:30 ya know. Doesn't your practice start at 11:00?"

A blonde blur whipped past him and stared at the clock.

Matt screamed.

"No! I'm gonna be late again! Masaki and Jiko are gonna kill me!"

Taichi came up and put his arms around the distraught boys shoulders, nuzzling his neck.

"Don't worry. You'll make it if you leave now."

Yamato groaned

"Okay."

He turned around and Taichi held his guitar out to him.

Matt slung the case over his shoulder and put his hands on either side of Taichi's face.

"Thank you." he kissed his nose. "I love you." And he kissed his lips.

Taichi chuckled.

"I know. I love you too." he smiled "Now go! Or you really are going to be late!"

"Alright! I'll be back soon Taichi!" He grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

Taichi sighed as the door closed.

"yeah..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato had made it to practice only a few minutes late. Not enough to be murdered for. But something kept nagging at the back of his mind as he played through the songs.

Taichi had seemed okay. Matt had been around long enough to know when Tai's okay meant not okay at all...at least he thought he had been. The brunette was adept at hiding his emotions and anything else he felt was necessary. Not even his parents or Hikari had noticed when he had first started hurting himself.

Yamato shuddered and missed a chord on his guitar. He quickly apologized to his band mates and they started again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After emerging from the shower and dressing, Taichi stretched and looked around the bedroom. He snorted as he realized why it was darker than usual in there. The shirt he had been wearing from last night was thrown over the lamp, courtesy of his enthusiastic blonde lover.

Taichi walked out into the living room and wondered if he should do something productive.

Quickly deciding against that, he laid on the sofa and grabbed the remote for the TV. He flipped through all 120 channels and found nothing good on at all. He finally settled on the news with a growl.

'Not one channel has anyone under the age of fifty on it.' Then he remembered it was Saturday. Everyone was out of school and most teenagers were at the mall, or the movies, or just out of the house in general. That meant that all of the old people and their walkers, who roamed the land free on weekdays between 7:30 and 3:00, were locked securely inside their homes, as far from the pierced, loud, annoying adolescents as they could get.

'Which means all old people television, all the time.'

The brunette sighed as he watched some fifty-something man explain to him about the weather in Uganda.

'Hey, at least it's better than 60 minutes.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matt sang the words to each song perfectly, but he wasn't even paying attention to what he was doing, he was still thinking about his boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taichi had been hurting himself for months before anyone realized it. Yamato was the one who uncovered it, although Hikari was the first that started up his suspicions.

"He just seems like himself one minute and then the next....I don't know Matt, it's like I'm standing next to a stranger."

She had told him how her brother seemed to get more withdrawn. But then when he was confronted with questions about his behavior, instantly everything would be alright again. He would smile and laugh and it would be fine.

But Matt just knew something wasn't right.

After being together with Taichi for almost a month Matt decided to get to the bottom of the situation once and for all. He invited Tai over to his house after school to stay for the weekend.

He had kind of lied to do it too. He told the Kamiya's that his father would be home, when he would actually be gone for the first day. Well, they asked if he would be home. He would...eventually.

Tai had come over around six. Matt opened the door and a cold weight settled in his stomach. He knew something was wrong. He could feel it.

The brunette walked in and immediately began telling Yamato about events that had transpired at soccer practice. He was talking so fast that the blue-eyed boy almost couldn't understand him.

"Tai?"

"You should have seen the coach Mato! His eyes were huge, he didn't even realize-"

"Taichi."

"I kicked the ball straight towards him, not meaning to of course, but-"

Matt strode over to him and grabbed both of the brunette's upper arms, forcing him to face him.

Tai looked surprised at his sudden behavior.

"What are you doing Yama?"

Yamato noticed Taichi's eyes were all over the place. He wasn't focusing on anything, like he couldn't keep still. His hazel eyes looked dimmer, the pupils dilated.

"Taichi what's wrong with you?"

"What?" Tai laughed "Nothing's wrong Yama. I'm fine."

"You're lying to me. What is it? Something's wrong. Something's been wrong for a long time now and you're going to tell me what it is."

"Matt! I told you nothing's-" Tai looked dazed for a moment and seemed unsteady in Matt's grasp. He closed his eyes and shook his head briefly before looking up into blue eyes and focusing on them. Slowly he spoke. "..wrong..nothing's wrong Matt, okay?"

Matt growled.

"No! Not okay Taichi! You're not okay! Something's not right with you, you-" Matt stopped as Taichi closed his eyes and seemed to take deep breaths. "Tai...?"

Brown eyes slowly opened and looked at him. He moved his mouth a bit before speaking.

"I...don't feel good Matt..."

The brunette fell forward into Yamato's chest.

"Tai!"

The startled blonde caught him and eased him gently down to the ground.

"Tai! C'mon Tai talk to me!"

Taichi's eyes were barely open, but he wasn't responding. His head was thrashing around weakly as were his arms and legs as he tried to move.

"No, stay still, stay still, 'Chi"

Seeing that Tai wasn't responding, Matt got up and ran to the phone. He dialed 911 as he hurried back to the now gasping boy's side.

"Calm down Tai, you're okay, you're fine."

Yamato relayed the necessary information to the operator while stroking his hands through Tai's hair to clam him. After being assured that they knew where he was and an ambulance was on the way, Matt hung up the phone.

Fear overwhelming him as he watched Taichi, he pulled the now unconscious brunette up into his arms. Cradling the other boy against him he rocked slightly back and forth. He could hear Taichi's soft gasps for air, but was forced to only sit helplessly and listen.

"God Taichi, what did you do?" Tears fell as he pressed his forehead to the side of Tai's.

"What did you do?..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

That had been one of the most horrifying experiences of the singer's life. Having to hold his love in his arms, not knowing if he was watching him die. If this was the last time he would ever see him alive.

The ambulance arrived after what seemed an eternity to Yamato. They carried Taichi out on a stretcher and allowed Matt to ride in the back with him to the hospital.

Taichi's parents were notified and they, Hikari, and Takeru who had been visiting Kari arrived at the hospital less than fifteen minutes after Tai was brought in.

They found Yamato sitting outside the emergency room doors with his head in his hands, crying. He told them everything that had happened. The group went to the waiting room and sat huddled together, waiting for word.

The doctor came out and announced that Tai would be alright and a collective cry of relief resounded.

He had overdosed.

Overdosed

Taichi

The doctor explained that it was most likely unintentional, that Tai wasn't trying to commit suicide, but he was trying to hurt himself. He had taken too many sleeping pills, ten exactly. But he most likely hadn't meant for this to happen.

Taichi told them later that he just liked the disconnected feeling he got when he took them. Like everything in the world was alright and he could take it or leave it anytime he wanted.

Of course, the other things Tai had done to himself were exposed then too. The wrist-banging was evident by the huge bruises on his arms, there were also shallow and deep cuts on his arms, legs, and stomach.

He was admitted to the psyche ward of the hospital for a week.

Yamato could have kicked himself. He just thought Taichi was being coy or shy when he wouldn't let him remove any of his clothes, but now he knew it was to hide the marks on his body.

After the psychiatrists were done with him, they diagnosed him with bipolar disorder.

"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. He could be unnervingly happy one minute and something, or nothing, may happen and he goes into a depressive state. It is manageable with medications though. Therapy has also proven quite an effective treatment…"

It was all so clinical. And the doctors didn't really care, they were just doing their job and shuffling the patients in and out as soon as possible. This was his best friend, his lover, his soul mate, and all they saw him as was another statistic. It was infuriating to the blonde, but he held his tongue in respect of Taichi's family.

After a week, they sent him home with prescriptions and signed him up with a therapist. Both courses of action which, Tai had hotly protested.

~~~~~~~~

He was doing better, Matt thought as he played the last few notes of the closing song. He had relapsed into cutting himself or taking too many pills on a few occasions, but they were small cuts and only two or three pills.

It had been explained that self-injury was an addiction for Taichi now. One that was just as hard to get over as alcohol or any drug. His body wouldn't want to give up the feeling it gave him, the relaxation and stress relief.

'He is better.' Matt affirmed in his own mind. Taichi hadn't done anything for six weeks now, and believe that all of the digidestined and his parents were making sure of that.

'He's okay.'

Matt had started packing up his guitar and quickly checked his watch. He had told Taichi that he would be home in three hours. It was almost two now!

He finished packing up his guitar and stood with the case slung over his shoulder.

"See ya later Masaki, Jiko!"

The two looked up and waved.

"Bye Matt!"

The blonde began walking home through the crowded sidewalks of Odaiba. He would make it home before two as long as he went straight there.

'He's okay'

He laughed, Tai would probably have gone back to bed or maybe he was still out playing soccer in the park like he said he might do.

'He's alright.'

Matt stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

'I know he's okay. Why do I keep telling myself that?'

And suddenly he got that same feeling in his stomach that he had the night Taichi had overdosed. Something was wrong. Something inside him knew something was wrong and he needed to get home fast.

Needing no more than his own mind's prodding, Matt began racing down the sidewalk to his apartment building, hoping with every fiber of his being that he was very much overreacting.

~~~~~~~

Tai looked up as the news finally ended. One o'clock. Matt would be back in an hour.

'I guess I could make some lunch. He didn't eat before he left and I'm starving.'

Deciding it was a good idea Taichi got up and went to the kitchen.

As he was getting some things out of the refrigerator, he suddenly felt like he should be doing something.

But he was doing something, he thought. He was making lunch.

Pushing the feeling to the back of his mind he went about getting out the skillet and spatula for the eggs.

As soon as he broke the first egg and dropped it in the skillet, he felt it again, but stronger. He closed his eyes and rolled his shoulders back, trying to make it stop, but it wouldn't. He stared feeling short of breath and turned off the burner on the stove.

'no, no, no, not now...don't do this to me...'

Slowly, Taichi slid down to the linoleum floor and curled up there. He pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to take deep breaths.

'i'm okay, i'm okay...shit'

Tai whimpered and held his legs closer to him. His mind was racing. Every thought was moving too fast to try and think about it. His body wanted to move, wanted to do something, but he felt like doing too much, like he was being pulled in every direction, so he just sat, and cried.

He was shaking now. Everything was too fast. Everything was too much. He felt hopeless, guilty, frustrated. Incredibly frustrated at not knowing what was happening.

Tai's whimpers increased until eventually, he was screaming. He was backed up into a corner and started banging his arm against the wall, not knowing what else to do.

He was vaguely aware of a door being slammed open.

"Taichi!"

He was still screaming and struggling as he was enveloped in his boyfriend's arms.

"It's okay Taichi. I'm here...I'm here baby."

Matt was rubbing circles on Tai's back to try and get him to calm down. Tai was still screaming, but it was more muffled sobs now, with his face pressed up against Yamato's chest.

Some part of him recognizing where he was and who was holding him, Tai started to relax and shakily wrapped his arms around the blonde.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." he kept telling him over and over

"It's okay Tai. You didn't do anything. I love you and you're fine, alright?"

Slowly, Taichi's cries turned into short gasps and he pulled slightly away from Yamato, refusing to look him in the eyes.

Immediately, the blue-eyed boy grabbed his chin and forced him to look up at him.

"I love you." he told him "I love you, you understand that?"

Taichi reluctantly nodded and took a deep breath.

"Yeah. I love you too Yama." he swallowed "I'm okay."

Matt smiled.

"Good." he looked over the brunette for damage and saw the black and blue marks already starting to appear on his right arm. "C'mon Tai, let's get you taken care of."

Tai nodded

Matt stood up and helped Taichi to his feet. He led him back to the bedroom.

Yamato didn't bother to pick his guitar up from where he had dropped it on the floor.

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A/N- okay, what happened to Taichi was really hard to explain, but I've gone through it and it's not fun. It's feeling trapped in your own skin and trying to claw your way out. Like having too much energy and not knowing what to do with it. It's actually near to impossible to explain unless you've been through it, but I tried my best.

Um, let's see, any questions about the story so far can either be left in a review or e-mailed to me and I will answer them in the Author's notes for the next chapter.

I hope you're liking it so far! Sorry I'm so slow...school's a bitch and I'm the queen of excuses. Thank you to all the readers and reviewers.

Ja ne

Broken Angel