Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Through the Looking Glass ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: @_@; This chapter got really depressing. It also wasn't easy to write, because its really hard to describe what Taichi is feeling and going through. This story has become really psychological, too. I think that's a good thing, though. x_x; Anyways, this chapter is a little bit shorter than the last two, but it has accomplished what it was supposed to at least. On a side note, I think this shall be done in two more chapters, which is what I've been aiming for since I figured out exactly what was going to happen. The Taito is starting to show its face in this chapter, at least. ^^;

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run defrag on my comp again because it refuses to finish the process. >_>; And I'm feeling too lazy to write a disclaimer.

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I didn't open my eyes right away when I woke the next morning. When I did open them, the events of the previous day came flooding back, as I had feared they would. I had been hoping that it had all been a dream, but waking up in my sister's room had proved it to be reality.

I sat up, and immediately noticed that the pajamas that I had borrowed from Hikari the night before felt significantly tighter than they had when I put them on. I slowly turned my eyes downwards, to my chest; the top of the pajamas was stretched tightly over a very flat and male looking chest. I blinked, then continued inspecting my body until I was satisfied. I was male again. How, or when, I didn't know. Nor did I care. I was just glad to be me again.

Of course, my happiness was to be short lived, because I realized the situation was not as good as it seemed. I remembered that I was supposed to be at Daisuke's, not in my sister's room. I panicked, then ran across the room to Hikari's bed.

"Hikari," I nudged her with one hand. She mumbled something incoherent, and turned over. I nudged harder. "Wake up, damn it."

She grumbled, and turned back over. "What?"

"I changed back," I gave her very pointed look.

"Changed-? Well, then change and go to your room then," she looked at me as if that was an obvious thing to do. "Just leave me alone."

"In case you forgot, I'm supposed to be at Daisuke's And Takako is supposed to be here still."

"Takako had to go home really early, then."

"Oh," I should have been able to figure that out. I think being a girl made me stupider or something. "I guess. But what about me?."

"Change clothes and sneak out," she said simply. "Now get out."

"Yeah," I sighed, resigning myself to having to be sneaky again. "I guess I have no choice."

"Just leave, already!" She turned over in a rather violent manner to illustrate her point.

I stuck my tongue out at her before taking the pajamas off. It felt extremely weird, being in my sister's room, wearing nothing but my underwear. I blocked it out my mind, and cautiously opened the door. The apartment was still dark, so I figured no one was awake yet except me. I dove out of her room and into mine in what felt like one movement. After hastily throwing on the clothes I had been wearing the previous day before my trip to the digital world, I snuck out of my room and out the front door.

I glanced at my watch, which read 9:25. I had been wandering around for about two hours. I hadn't realized I'd been out for even one hour, probably because I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts. I still felt really guilty about lying to Yamato, but I felt even more guilty because I knew I would do it again in a heartbeat. The only thing was, I didn't know why. Every time I got close to the answer, a knot would form in my stomach and I would lose my train of thought to my guilt and hesitation.

I decided to find somewhere to sit down, because I was bound to run into something eventually if I didn't. As I was looking around for a bench, I realized I where I was. Sora's Mother's store was about 2 and half blocks away from where I stood; the nearest bench was the one in front of it. I smiled to myself, amused by the irony of the situation, and continued up the street to the bench.

Somehow finding myself there seemed appropriate, but at the same time I almost wished I had turned and gone the other direction. My emotions and thoughts were already controlling my mind; now they were controlling my feet as well. I stared down at the ground, wondering why I couldn't just let everything that I felt the day before go. At the time that it was happening, I had just assumed the knot in my stomach was simply the guilt I was feeling over lying to Yamato, but now...

...But now, I knew it wasn't so simple. And I couldn't admit to myself that my feelings were true, when I didn't even know what it was I was feeling. I thin I had some vague idea, somewhere in the back of my mind of what it was, but I blocked my mind from even thinking of such an absurd idea.

With that conclusion, or lack thereof, I looked up, scanning the street. There weren't as many people as there had been the day before, something I was somewhat glad of. As I was bringing my gaze back up the street, I heard the sound of a door opening behind me. I felt my muscles tense, in a slight, and unnecessary, panic. I turned to see who was leaving the store. My panic didn't seem quite as unnecessary as it had when my eyes fell on an uneasy looking Yamato.

He blinked, in what must have been surprise when he saw me there. I responded with an annoyed look, which he somehow took as an invitation to join me on the bench. I just stared at him. He smiled, his mood making a very abrupt change from what it had been moments earlier.

"Hey," he continued to smile, which normally wouldn't have bothered me, except that it was so different than the smile he had been constantly wearing the day before. "What're you doing here?"

"Uhm, just out for a walk," I looked at him, feeling extremely apprehensive. "Since when do you actually go in the store?"

"When I'm here to shop," he replied simply, like it should have been obvious.

"To shop?" I gave him a bemused look. "Wouldn't it make more sense to buy your girlfriend some slightly more..conventional flowers?"

"My-? Oh, I'm not shopping for her. I'm shopping for-" He cut himself off, and turned away from me. "Uh, uhm, nobody?"

"I'm sure," I grabbed his ear, yanking his head back to face me. "No weaseling your way out of this."

"Damn," he put on a look of mock despair, before his lips fell into another smile, even though his eyes stayed sad. "Well, it probably won't matter what I do anyway. She's not the type who go for another girl's boyfriend, ya know?"

"Who's not that type?"

"Oh, that's right," he looked like he had suddenly remembered something important. "I didn't actually tell you about her yet. I only met her yesterday, anyway."

He was talking about me. Or Takato, rather. It didn't matter to me at that moment. The only thing I cared about then was the knot in my stomach which had tripled in size when he said that. It was mostly from the guilt of knowing that he was getting screwed up over a girl who wasn't real, a girl I had pretended to be just to have a good time.

"Her name is Takako," he continued talking; I guess he took my silence has a cue to keep going. "She lives in your building too. She already met Hikari."

"Oh?" I gulped, and feigned ignorance. "I wasn't home last night, so I guess I missed meeting her.."

"Yeah, that's what Hikari said," he nodded, and then went on. "Its too bad, too. We could've had a party last night if you'd been home, since she ended up spending the night with your sister."

"I'm so sure my mom would have let us," I raised an eyebrow, then immediately gave myself a mental slap for saying that without even thinking.

"Yeah, I guess," he looked away again. "It probably wouldn't have made much of a difference anyways."

I glanced at him; I felt bad for what I had said, and because I could see just how taken he had been with Takako. I wanted to take back everything I had said to him the day before, or make him forget it happened. But at the same time, I wanted nothing more than for him to keep talking about Takako; I wanted what he was saying to be true. And my heart fell when I realized that what he was saying was only as true as Takako was real.

"Taichi?" His voice drew me away from my thoughts the way being punched in the stomach takes your breath away. "Look, I've got to go..uhm, can you pass on a message for me?"

"A message?" I looked at him curiously before realizing what he meant. "Oh, you mean to Takako. Yeah, I guess I can."

"Uhm, thanks," he smiled graciously, looking a little sheepish. "Just tell her to come to my apartment around three o'clock tomorrow. I just want to talk, so make sure she doesn't take the invitation the wrong way, okay?"

"Okay. I think I can remember that," I smiled, even though the I was being visited with the familiar feeling of wanting to ram my head into a brick wall. "I'll get the message through somehow."

"Thanks," he stood up, and turned to walk away. "Talk to you later."

"Yeah," I didn't stand; I didn't think my legs would support me even if I tried. "See ya.."

I sat there for awhile, slowly realizing exactly what the knot in my stomach was, and just how much I had managed to screw up in such a short amount of time. I looked down at my hands, wondering if I would be feeling this way if I had never become Takako; I wondered if I would have even been able to see Yamato this way at all.

That night, I went back into the digital world, even though I knew that it would have been better to show up at Yamato's apartment the next day as myself and tell him the truth. It was probably because I hadn't admitted just how deep my feelings were beginning to run, but for some reason, that seemed a worse fate than continuing to lie to him.

I wandered around aimlessly for awhile before I was able to find the mysterious object that had started everything. When I found it, I didn't do anything very immediately; I just looked at it. It seemed amazing to me that something that looked so simple could be so powerful. I reached out to touch it, but I didn't plunge my hand into it the way I had before; I ran my fingers across the surface, watching it ripple and flow. It was really a thing of beauty; it was like a puddle of mercury hanging in mid air.

I paused my hand, in what looked like the center, and slowly plunged it in. I hadn't realized how cold it was the last time; it felt like I was dipping my hand in liquid nitrogen, like my arm was going to shatter into a million pieces if I moved it. The cold faded quickly though, and everything went black.

I opened my eyes, as found myself lying on the grass in front of it. I didn't move right away, remembering how dizzy it had made me before. I didn't want to go back into the real world anyway. The real world was full of lies and pain, and all I felt there was shame for everything I was putting Yamato through, and all for my own selfish ends.