Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Trust and Kindness ❯ Sitting on the Knife's Edge ( Chapter 1 )

Started: 5/15/02

Finished: 5/19/02

Warnings for this Chapter: Angst, Dark, discussion of disturbing subjects such as Suicide, Murder, and Rape.

Trust and Kindness

Chapter 1 - Sitting on the Knife's Edge

The view from here is spectacular, now that I think about it.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit more interested in calculating how long it would take me to hit the bottom and whether or not I'd hit the ground at a high enough velocity to die on impact; I suppose I should test the firmness of the ground and the resistance of the vegetation in order to arrive at an accurate conclusion. I then go off on a tangent, wondering what would happen to me if I died here in the digital world; would my data be re-formatted, like the Digimon? Really, there's only one way to know…

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I recognize the voice immediately, of course. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't even hear my digivice beep when he arrived.

"Um…I heard that in an American movie…" He waits, fidgeting, for a moment; when he realizes I'm not going to say anything, he speaks again. "Well…I uh, heard you hit Miyako…you wanna talk about it?" How like Daisuke…direct and to the point, with no tact whatsoever. "I mean, you guys have been dating for, like, a month, and I thought-"

"It was just casual," I interject. "Kids our age don't get that serious about dating."

"Well, yeah, but…" he sighs. "You still haven't explained why you hit her."

"I don't see why I should have to explain myself,"

"Because I'm your friend," he replies, sitting down beside me. "And if you can't talk to me, who can you talk to?"

"I just hit her; and I don't particularly feel like discussing it." He's as close to the edge as I am; all it would take is a push…

"Okaaay…" he leans back on his hands. "So, what were you doing before I came?"

"Sitting and not talking." I want him to leave.

"Ha, ha," he says, not quite sarcastically. "What were you thinking about?"

"I doubt you would want to know what's going on in my head." I want him to go, before I hurt him.

"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask."

"I'm serious, Daisuke," I warn him; as I realize that I will tell him if this continues much longer.

"So am I."

"You're very persistent."

"I know." He smiles. "So tell me."

I know he won't back down, so I do.

"I was thinking about jumping. I was wondering what it would feel like to fall; if it would hurt when I hit the ground, or if I'd just die instantly." I look over to see the expression on his face. "And now that you're here, I'm thinking about pushing you off." Part of me is taking great pleasure in the fact that I can hurt him just with my words, and it's like a dam breaking. I feel a familiar sneer spread across my face and permeate my voice. "I'm wondering whether or not I'll be sad when you die."

"Kaizer," he whispers, eyes widening in fear.

"I'm thinking about pushing you up against that tree, tying your hands with my belt, tearing your clothes off, and raping you until you can't. even. scream." I stand up, and watch with amusement as he scurries backwards.

"K-ken, stop this!" Daisuke yells. "You're stronger than him!"

He doesn't understand; how could he?

"I'm thinking of torturing you slowly until you die!" I'm shouting now; standing in front of him with a snarl on my face. "Would you like me to tell you exactly how I'd do it?! What methods?! What instruments?! Do you really want to know!?!"

"LET KEN GO!!!" Daisuke yells; partly in fear, partly in anger.

I laugh.

"You don't get it, do you, Daisuke? I am Ken. There's no real division between Ken and Kaizer; there never was."

"I thought this was over…" Daisuke whispers, looking lost.

I shake my head; regaining my calm, my self-control.

"The only thing that happened was that you forced me to stop blinding myself to the fact that Digimon were living, sentient beings; until then, I had an outlet for this, but now my morals keep me from using the Digimon. I stopped, I had no choice, but the part of me that wants to hurt people is still there.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I say, falling to my knees and putting my head in my hands. "I don't know why I'm like this. All I know is that I think about these things constantly; and I don't know how to stop it!"

"Ken…" I felt his hands on my shoulders and he pulled me into an embrace. "We'll figure this out."

A/N: Wow, that was intense to write! I can't believe it's as short as it is!