Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Trust and Kindness ❯ Breaking Point ( Chapter 3 )

Started: 5/22/02

Finished: 7/04/02

Warnings: More dark and disturbing content. Ken with a knife.

Trust and Kindness

Chapter 3 - Breaking Point

Daisuke's idea worked well enough for a time. Unfortunately, my tenuous friendship with the other Digidestined had already been damaged beyond repair; from what Daisuke told me, Miyako sported a bruise for nearly a week. I know that Daisuke has had to deal with some hostility because of his continued friendship with me.

Daisuke and I are growing closer; it seems we now spend every second we can together. He has a way of making me forget my problems; for some reason I can synchronize my emotions with his very easily, and I find myself becoming addicted to his presence. We rarely talk about my problems; I don't bring them up, and when he does, it's only to ask short, pointed questions. He's depending on me to bring the issue up if it starts to get out of hand, but I find that it's far too easy, when asked how I am, to always say that I'm fine.

I'm not fine; I feel that I'm back on that knife's edge again.

Maybe I should bring it up this time...

~*~

"…I wanted to see it in the theater actually, but I never got a chance," Daisuke is saying. I nod absently as he rambles on about the movie he rented for our sleepover; my parents went out to dinner and a movie, so we have the house to ourselves until about 10:30. "Ken?" I look up to see him watching me with a little concern. "You alright? You're kinda...you know...spaced."

"I'm sorry, I was thinking. What were you saying?"

"I said that the other `Destined are planning a picnic when Mimi comes to visit next month, do you want to come?"

"You know I'm not invited."

"Well, I'm inviting you; so now you are." Poor Dai-chan, he's trying so hard to mend things; he doesn't like seeing his friends divided.

"You're sweet," I tell him. "Naïve at times, but very sweet. We've been through this before, you know it wouldn't work. They won't want me there and that will just cause strain; then someone will pick a fight, probably Takeru, and I'll loose control again."

"But, you're doing better now..."

"That doesn't mean that I should voluntarily put myself in a very stressful situation." I smile at him. Very sweet. Very naïve. "You go ahead though; your other friends are probably feeling neglected since you've been spending so much time with me." I glance at the clock. "I'd better start dinner."

"What are you making?"

"Yakiniku."

"Oishii!" He grins at me. "Can I play?" He indicates my Playstation.

"Of course."

~*~

Watching a knife slice through flesh is a very hypnotic thing.

Elegant in a morbid sort of way…the blade parting meat and fat all neatly and precisely into thin strips.

Hypnotic...

Elegant...

Morbid...

"Hey, Ken...your Playstation's being weird again."

I look up at him, standing by the counter, and uninvited thoughts bombard me...

Light sliding across blade...across blood...blood on the floor...blood on his skin…on my skin...from his skin...blade slicing through flesh...his flesh...my blade.

Elegant...

Morbid...

...no...

The knife clatters to the floor and I drop to my knees, clutching my head as if to protect my mind from those thoughts.

"Ken!" Daisuke starts to come to my side.

"Konai de!!" I shout at him, desperately. Naturally, he doesn't listen. His fingers are touching my shoulder when mine find the knife; I start laughing as I clutch it.

"Ken..." He embraces me from the side. "You should have told me--"

It's funny… I thought he'd look just a bit more surprised to find a knife at his throat.

"Do you really want to do that?" He asks.

"Don't think I won't," I hiss back.

He puts his hand on my cheek; I turn my face and bite it over the thumb joint... not quite hard enough to break the skin, but definitely hard enough to bruise. He cries out and I feel a sick coil of satisfaction in the pit of my stomach.

"Is this what you want, Ken?" He asks, through gritted teeth. "To hurt someone?"

I release his hand.

"I like your pain," I tell him, smirking. "I like that I have the power to make you feel that way." I bow my head into his shoulder, the hand holding the knife dropping to my side, guilt overwhelming me suddenly. "I don't want to like it so much..." I cry into his shoulder.

~*~

When I finally looked up at him, he had a look in his eyes...a look that I hadn't seen on him before.

Dark...

Considering...

I didn't know what to make of it.

It always amazes me how easy it is to pick up and continue on as if nothing had happened.

I finished making dinner, we ate, and then we watched our movie; when my parents came home, we went to bed and talked for a while about nothing important.

Through it all, that odd look never completely left his eyes...

It was disturbing to me that I had no idea what he could be planning.

~*~

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