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Under the Ice

Part Two: Drowning I

By: Vain 8/5/2001

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This is Chapter One of "Drowning:" the second part of Under the Ice.

While I highly recommend that you read "Surfacing" first, it isn't an absolute must.

In keeping with the tradition set in Surfacing, I don't own digimon, this is a YAMAKEN / KENATO LEMON, and contains YOAI and SHOUNEN-AI, and themes of suicide, depression, and metal illness:

you don't like it; I don't care-don't read it, don't flame me.

This story also contains mature themes and adult language. That's why there's that NC-17 pop-up thing on your computer.

The song "Coma" was written by Axle Rose and is the property of the group Guns and Roses; it can be found on their album: Use You Illusion 1.

I also seriously suggest that you read the notes at the end of this chapter. They explain exactly what I've done to Ken-chan. . . .The poor dear. But I do so love Ken torture . . .

And yes, I am hentai. I've managed to live around it.

Enjoy.

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Hey, you caught me in a coma

And I don't think I wanna

Ever come back to this . . . world again.

He thought that the sky looked particularly heavy that day, but he would not be deterred. He was determined to go. Determined to do this.

"I've been thinking, Sam; trying to figure some things out. I can't admit that I'm wrong . . . You wouldn't believe the lengths I've gone to just to be right. No, to convince myself that I was right. It never really mattered to me whether or not I actually was right; it was only that I thought I was. Hmm. It's kind of funny, I guess. I mean weird. Would you approve? Somehow, I don't think so . . ."

The boy was silent for a moment as though waiting for a response that he knew would never come. He didn't really know why he had come here. He felt the need to explain himself-to ensure that his brother understood what he was doing and why he was doing it. Osamu, he knew, would frown upon his actions, but it was necessary that he understand them, whether or not he approved. But now, as he stared at the headstone, all of his eloquence and touted genius fled him and he felt terribly inadequate.

Inadequate in comparison to a stone . . .

For the briefest instant, he raised his head and his eyes skittered over the intense blue sky. It was so huge . . . So immense . . . Oh, God . . . The boy quickly dropped his head.

I kinda like it in a coma

'Cause no one's ever gonna

Oh, make me come back to this . . . world again.

He sighed and ran a hand through his wealth of indigo hair. "How do I explain this to you, nii-chan?" he demanded in frustration. "How can I make you understand something that I know in my heart you would be so dead set against? It'll be better this way, though. They don't need me: Dai, Miyako, Iori and the others-they're done with me. I was going to go out and play soccer with Dai after this, but he's meeting Wallace and the others at the Primary Village today."

Ken tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes. "I don't like that . . . leaving things undone. Somehow it feels wrong. But there's no help for it. It has to be tonight; I know it does.

"Wormmon and I talked for hours last night, rehashing things. He loves me so much . . . sometimes I just don't understand him. There's no one else really that I need to talk to. Mother and Father are oblivious. They can't understand anything.

"I feel . . . empty. That's why. Does that help? When we were all fighting it was okay. Arukenimon, Mummymon, Black Wargreymon . . . they were merely distractions. I tried. I really, really did, Sam! I wanted-I needed . . ." The teen drifted off, feeling incomplete. "I don't know anymore. I just-" he lifted a hand uselessly and waved it through the air in front of his face. "I don't know, oniisan. I just don't know anymore."

Now I feel as if I'm floating away

He quieted again and looked down at the ground. Old leaves blew in the faint wind with dusty whispers and the boy felt like a sudden chasm had opened up inside him. He shuddered and pulled back into himself. For a terrible instant it seemed to the child prodigy that the entire world was caving in on top of him. The sky seemed to stoop a bit lower and hang over him threateningly. The wind, gentle as it was, turned into a shriek that ripped through him and left him quaking. Ken cringed involuntarily as the sky roared at him. Then it all stopped.

The teen stiffened, falling backwards as he lost his balance. His head was straight back and his eyes locked onto the sky. He was trembling. Blue-violet eyes squeezed tightly shut and he pushed himself to his feet with staggering grace. A lump had risen into his throat and he felt horribly dizzy and nauseous. "I-I have to go, nii-chan." He backed away, still looking at the sky. "I have to go."

And the sky continued to scream.

I can't feel all the pressure

And I like this way

~~~*~~~

Daisuke frowned at his peach pie and Wallace eyed him in concern

"Dai, what's wrong?" Miyako chirped.

"Yeah," Terriermon demanded. "Don't you like peach pie? Wallace's mom made it special."

"No, no," the goggle-boy mumbled. "It's fine. I'm just worried about Ken, that's all."

Wallace frowned. He loved Dai and never interfered with the shorter teen's relationship with his jogress partner, but he couldn't help but feel a little twinge of jealousy when the great Ichijouji Ken was mentioned. Daisuke never used that tone of voice when talking about him.

The Child of Love and Sincerity shrugged indifferently as she plucked a sushi roll out of Koushiro's hands. "So he had something better to do. I mean this is Ken we're talking about. He probably had some big genius thing to go to or something."

Her boyfriend shot her a playful glare, but was interrupted by Daisuke. The Child of Courage and Friendship was looking in the distance, his chocolate brown eyes clouded by fear. "Didn't you guys see the way he was at the Christmas party?"

Koushiro retrieved another sushi roll from Iori's Tupperware. "That was four months ago, Dai."

The teen closed his eyes and shook his head in frustration. The digital sunlight bounced off his goggles in a bright flare. "No. Something is wrong. It's like . . . he's collapsing in on himself. He's . . . cold. Emotionless."

Wallace bit his lower lip. "Why don't you e-mail him?"

"Nah. He's not really big on e-mails." The brunette's mouth set itself in a line of firm determination. "I'll just take a Digiport to Tamachi after lunch."

Veemon and the other digimon shared a look. Tentomon then looked at the human, his voice a worried buzz. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Pass the sushi, Iori."

"Sure. Hey! Darn it, Armadillomon! That's disgusting."

The tawny yellow digimon blushed sheepishly at his human. "Sorry, Iori." He nodded to Miyako's partner. "Hawkmon."

The avian merely glared at him.

Daisuke eyed the two digimon warily. "On second thought, I'll just have another piece of pie.

But my body is callin'

~~~*~~~

My body is callin'

Won't you come back to this . . . world again?

Ken pushed the door to the apartment closed and barely resisted crumbling to the floor in a heap. He struggled to compose himself for a moment and released a slow, shaky breath. Just a little bit longer, Ken. Don't fall apart now. It's almost done. Just a little bit longer.

"Oh, Ken dear?"

Another breath. Hold it together. "Yes, Mother?" He was amazed at how steady his voice was.

"We're going out now, dear." His mother emerged from the hallway, head tilted to the side as she put on her little pearl earrings. She was dressed in her best. Apparently, it paid to have a son who brought the money in.

Ken deftly avoided her eye as he maneuvered around her to get to his room. "Alright."

His father appeared out of their bedroom as the teen slid past. "We'll be back around two in the morning, okay?"

"That's fine," he agreed as he moved past him.

Ken was in his room with the door closed before he could hear his parents' goodbyes. Bye, he thought silently. He pressed his forehead against the door and closed his eyes. I love you.

Suspended deep in a sea of black

I've got the light at the end

"Ken-chan?"

Indigo hair slid away from his face as he peered up at his bed in the dim light. "Yeah, Wormmon?" He couldn't see the digimon.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Why?" The young genius pushed himself away from the door and continued to squint in the general direction of Wormmon's voice. He couldn't find him. Where the hell was that digimon?

"You don't look too good."

"I'm fine." Was he even on the bed?

"Are you sure? I can stay home if you need me to."

"No. I told you: I'm fine." Was he there at all? "Where are you, Wormmon? I can't see you."

The concern in that gentle voice doubled. "I'm right here, Ken-chan."

Ken glared up at the bed. "Where?" Where the hell was he? "Where are you at?"

"Ken, I'm down here! On the table."

"Huh?" The pale youth's head lowered and he looked at the circular table standing two feet in front of him. Wormmon looked back at him, fear plain on his face.

"Ken-"

"What are you doing there?" the human interrupted, a dark scowl disfiguring his face. "You're never there."

Wormmon blinked rapidly in confusion. "I-"

"Never mind." Ken waved a hand and walked over to his elevated bed to slide open the patio doors that stood beneath. "It doesn't really matter. When are you leaving?"

I've got the bones on the mast

Well, I've gone sailin', I've gone sailin'.

The digimon watched his human's back warily from his post on the table. Ken had been moody and silent for weeks before he had suddenly relaxed nearly a week or so ago. He had almost been his old self, laughing and playing as though a great weight had been lifted. But now, he was suddenly having rapid mood-swings and just being . . . weird. In Wormmon's vast wealth of experience, this was all very, very bad.

Ken turned around to frown at his partner. "I asked you when you were leaving."

"Oh," his antennae quivered as he started slightly. That frown was too familiar . . . it brought back bad memories. "Now, actually. I was just waiting for you."

"Ah," Ken replied non-committally as he took off his blue Tamachi High vest. "You'll be at the Wormmon Village?"

"Yes." The little virus type skittered back slightly as his boy approached the table, the old instincts from Ken's days as the Digimon Kaiser washing over him like a tsunami. His large blue eye tracked the human's movements, pupils slightly dilated. "Do you want me to e-mail you when I get there?"

Ken smiled down at him gently. "Don't be silly." He didn't notice his friend cringe slightly as he lifted him into a gentle hug. "I trust you."

Wormmon stiffened then relaxed a bit. He felt off-guard and unbalanced by the teen's inexplicable behavior and didn't know how to react. One minute, Ken was acting Kaiser-ish, the next he was Ken again-but there was still something not quite right about his eyes: an unnatural gleam settled deep within the pupil. He had never seen his partner act like this and felt totally at a loss.

Ken walked over to the computer and used one hand to open the Digiport. He suddenly lifted the little green digimon away from his body and held him up and out, eye-level and at arm's length. He bit his lip and a pained expression settled on his face. "You know that I love you, right, Wormmon?"

The fear in the digimon's eyes tapered down, but the concern skyrocketed. "I know, Ken-chan."

The young man sighed in relief and pulled his digimon back to his chest in a tight hug before setting him on the desk. "Have fun, my friend."

The round head turned to look at him one last time. What's wrong with you, Ken-chan? "Bye, Ken-chan."

He smiled peacefully. "Goodbye, Wormmon."

I could leave so easily

While friends are calling back to me

There was a blaze of light and the dizzying sense of falling as the Digiport swallowed the caterpillar digimon and then spat him out on the green grass of a field in front of a television. Wormmon froze like a rabbit as he tried to get his bearings.

"That was certainly interesting," a calm voice said dispassionately.

Wormmon turned to regard another wormmon sitting calmly on a nearby rock. This other creature was quite a bit bigger than he was and had longer antennae and brilliant green eyes.

"I've been waiting for you," the larger digimon continued in the same tone. "I thought you were going to bring that human of yours, though."

The Digidestined digimon only shook his head. "How far is it to the Primary Village from here?"

"Not far." A round head swayed side to side a little. "Why?"

"I can't come today."

"Oh?"

Wormmon rose to his back legs and crawled a bit closer anxiously. "I need to find the Child of Courage and Friendship right now. He travels with a Veemon. Have you seen them?"

The other wormmon nodded wisely. "A rare sight, Veemon are." A red-tipped foot was lifted and pointed off to the east. "They're on the outskirts of the Village with a bunch of other humans."

"Thank you." Wormmon turned and began to hop/run towards the direction the older digimon had point towards.

"Watch out for Elecmon!" the old one called. "And be careful!"

Wormmon continued without turning around. He knew that if he looked, the other digimon would be gone. Daisuke, Veemon, I need you!

They're leavin' it up to me,

When all I need is some clarity

~~~*~~~

And someone to tell me

What the fuck is going on!

Ken stood naked in the bathroom and eyed the assorted bottles of pills he had spread out critically. A full glass of ice water sat waiting on the back of the sink.

Ah, decisions, decisions . . .

A hand came up and absently ran itself through his hair. The young man sighed and then looked up at himself in the mirror. He glared at his lean frame with distaste and his reflection grimaced at him, also displeased at what it saw.

"So what do you think?" he asked it after another moment of contemplation.

"I think you're as mad as the Hatter," it replied.

Ken felt his lips move as his reflection spoke and nodded sympathetically. The thought crossed his mind that maybe it-he-was right. He shrugged and felt his lips twist upwards in a parody of a smile. "No matter now, though, right?"

His reflection only shrugged with him with a smirk, dutifully mimicking every word he said with its reflected mouth.

He frowned at the mirror in irritation. "You're not very helpful, you know."

"That's not why I'm here," the reflection responded.

"Oh?" A slim indigo eyebrow lifted as his words bounced off the linoleum, sounding small and tinny.

His reflection raised the same eyebrow with him.

An alarming thought occurred to Ken at that moment and he wondered if he was the reflection and if his entire world was merely the other side of the real Ichijouji Ken's mirror. How would he know? Did his reflection know? Or was it even his reflection at all? Perhaps they we both real and were destined to forever parody one another in a twisted game of copycat that had no meaning, or basis, or end, or beginning. Who was the master and who was the puppet? And did it really matter in the long run since the same strings would always move no matter who pulled them? It was a profoundly unsettling thought.

"Why are you here?" Ken demanded, suddenly half-afraid of the mirror.

"Why are you here?" the mirror mocked, saying the words with him.

Slippin' farther and farther away

It's a miracle how long we can stay

In a world our mind created

In a world that's full of shit!

Ken looked back down at the counter in disgust. He lifted up a bottle and, stoically ignoring the mirror, read the label.

" 'Do not take more than two in a twelve hour period. If symptoms persist or you experience chest pains, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, shortness of breath, or black outs, discontinue use and contact a doctor immediately.' Hmm . . ."

He tilted his head and showed the mirror the label. "This sounds promising."

"This sounds promising," his reflection agreed as he spoke.

Feeling pleased with himself, the teen opened the cabinet and his reflection fled with the motion. After a few moments of clattering all of the bottles except the one Ken had selected were back on their respective shelves and the cabinet door was closed again. His reflection returned, mimicking his movements and being very serious and determined to not look up from its reflective sink.

The pills weren't really going to be necessary, all things considered, but Osamu had always told him: "If you're going to do something, Kenny-boy make sure that you do it well the first time. There aren't any real second chances in this world." That was advice that he had taken to heart and lived his life by, whether he was building control spires or planning one of his now-famous Christmas parties.

Ken opened the bottle, poured out eight pills and then reread the label. "Do not take more than two in a twelve hour period." He shrugged, picked up the water and then downed all eight in one immense gulp. It felt like swallowing a stone.

He stepped in the shower and turned the hot water on. The spray hit his cold skin like knives and he shivered with an unexpected chill. A pale hand reached down and added a bit of cold water to the stream.

As he lathered up his hair, Ken idly wondered how Daisuke and Wormmon were doing. He hoped they were enjoying themselves. Wallace would be there for Dai. He'd understand eventually-see that this was all for the best. And Wormmon had Veemon and those other wormmon. It had taken a while, but his family had finally forgiven them both for what had happened during his reign as Kaiser. Wormmon didn't need him anymore. Nobody did.

He rinsed out the shampoo and stepped out of the water so he could add conditioner. Iori . . . They had never really been friends. A smile slid over the young genius's lips as he thought about the small boy's innate sense of righteousness. Was I ever that innocent?

The scent of juniper and rain filled the bathroom as he lathered up his bath sponge thing and began to carefully wash himself. Miyako would be fine. Sure, she'd probably be pissed, but she'd forget soon enough.

He stepped back under the showerhead and let the water rinse out the conditioner and wash away the suds. Takeru and Hikari had each other . . . They meant well enough, but beyond their relationship, nothing really mattered to those two. It wasn't their fault, though; they were in love.

A sudden wave of vertigo hit the youngster and his knees collapsed beneath at their own accord. He grasped frantically at the rim of the tub for a minute in an attempt to stop himself from breaking his neck. A shivering breath was pulled into his lungs. "That was fast," he muttered.

Of course, it wasn't necessarily those pills that had brought him to his knees. Episodes of this nature had become nearly common over the past two or three months. Thankfully, Wormmon was the only one who had ever been privy to these 'spells' of his, and that faithful little digimon would believe him if he said that the sun set in the East.

Ken was still for a moment, kneeling on the tub floor and shivering and shaking as the water beat down on him. Then unsteady hands reached up and turned off the water and he pushed himself to his feet. Cold in the steamy air, those same hands reached out and grasped at a towel. He wiped his face and then wrapped it around his waist. He padded his way into his bedroom where he dried of and carefully pulled on of clean clothes.

Always fastidious to the point of being anal-retentive, the young genius began to straighten up his room. Everything had to be perfect-absolutely flawless. Working through increasing dizziness and nausea, Ken made his bed and put the damp towels in the hamper. When he was finished he leaned heavily against his bed and surveyed his work.

"I'm done," he whispered in relief. "I'm really done."

Staggering steps took him out to his balcony and he paused for a moment to admire the view. It was nearly sunset. April sunsets were beautiful in Tokyo; he wished he could see it. Ken's vision was blurring and he didn't know if that was from the pills or tears. That was funny though-he shouldn't be crying.

A small paring knife awaited him on the wall of the balcony. Ken picked it up now, acutely aware of its light weight and the curve of the strong black handle in his hand. The indigo-haired youth slid down to a heap in the corner of the balcony, hands still clutching at the knife. His vision had grown worse, but he knew what needed to be done. His skin was pale and the long blue vein ran up his arm like a neon signpost. Yeah, he knew what needed to done.

Help Me

Help me

Bastard.

~~~*~~~

Please understand me

Daisuke shivered.

In Tamachi, Ichijouji Ken slid down in a heap in the corner of his balcony, clutching a paring knife in his hand.

"Dai?" Wallace stood up, alarmed. "Daisuke, what is it?"

All the blood drained from the dark boy's face and he slowly rose. His voice was distant and empty. "Something is wrong."

I'm climbing through the wreckage

Of all my twisted dreams

Ken pressed the tip of the knife against the inside of the bend of his elbow. The vein looked so bright.

"Dai?" Veemon looked afraid.

"He's going to do something. I can barely feel his heart. And I'm dizzy, guys. Something has happened to him."

It was so very bright . . .

Miya also stood, startled by the blank look in the goggle-boy's normally vibrant eyes. "Who, Dai? Ken? Is something wrong with Ken?"

A staggering step took the Child of Courage and Friendship away from the group. "His heart . . . I can barely feel it."

Ken pushed the knife deep into his soft skin and drug it down the glowing line of his pulse to his wrist. He bit back a moan of pain. It wasn't so bad, though. Not as bad as he thought it'd be.

But this cheap investigation just can't

Stifle all my screams

Daisuke suddenly shrieked in pain and fell down. Wallace flew to his lover and wrapped his arms around him. "Dai! Dai?! Can you hear me? Dai?!"

A sob tore itself from the other teen's throat. "Oh, no! No, Ken, no!"

So red . . . it didn't glow though. God, he was tired.

And I'm waitin' at the crossroads

Waitin' for you,

"Daisuke! Daisuke!"

Everyone turned away from the fallen teen to watch in surprise as Wormmon did his odd little hop/run over to them. He looked exhausted. Veemon ran over to his friend and Hawkmon flew up into the air.

"What's happened?" the bird asked the virus.

"Ken," Wormmon gasped. "Something's really wrong with him."

Daisuke was lost to the world.

Ken raised the knife to his opposite arm. His hand was slick with blood and it was going everywhere, but he held he knife with a determination that was simply frightening. Just another neon line.

Waitin' for you,

Where are you?

Koushiro helped pull Daisuke to his feet. The younger boy was trembling and muttering under his breath. "Wormmon, where is the Digiport to Tamachi?"

A magenta pod pointed in the direction from which he had come and Miyako and Koushiro pulled out their digivices.

"Hawkmon digivolve to . . . Aquilamon!"

"Tentomon digivolve to . . . Kabuterrimon!"

Picnic forgotten, the group all clambered up onto a digimon's back. The two heavily laden digimon took of with grunts of effort and a swoosh of air.

No one's gonna bother me anymore

Miyako and Iori took Wormmon, Terriermon, and Veemon while Koushiro and Wallace held Daisuke between them. The wild-haired boy was shaking violently. "Ken, no . . ."

Push in and pull down. It was all so simple. The knife slid out of his hand. His arms were tingling.

Daisuke's body spasmed wildly and the teen screamed again. "NO!!!"

No one's gonna mess with my head no more

"Dai?!" Wallace held onto him for dear life. "I've got you, love. It's okay. I got you."

"There!" Wormmon pointed to a small black dot on the ground. "It was still open when I left!"

Blue-violet eyes lidded and opened wearily. "Osamu . . ." The eyes opened again. "I failed. I'm sorry." He felt cold and darkness rose to meet him. "I'm sorry."

I can't understand what all the fightin's for,

The two digimon descended next to the television and Iori leapt to the ground, still holding Wormmon to him. He knelt down and peered at the box before turning to the others. "It's still open! Ken forgot to close it!"

The two Champions returned to rookie and Iori pointed his digivice at the computer. "Digiport open!"

'Cause it's so nice here down off the shore.

Wallace didn't know what to expect. He had never met Ichijouji Ken before. What he did not expect, however, was to see a slim, pale, dark haired teen lying crumpled outside on a balcony in a growing pool of his own blood.

Daisuke tore himself from his arms and lurched towards his jogress partner with a groan of despair. Wormmon was right behind him. Miyako stopped short and turned away with a gasp. She grabbed Iori's shoulders before he could get a good look at the Child of Kindness

I wish you could see this

'Cause there's nothing to see.

"Oh, my god." Koushiro turned white. "Miya call an ambulance."

The elder genius reached up and pulled a blanket off the bed and pushed his way past Wallace to get outside to the balcony.

Daisuke looked up, tears magnifying his eyes. "Koushiro . . .?"

Wormmon seemed to have gone into a state of shock.

Biting his lip to force back a sob, the Child of Knowledge pulled Ken's limp body out of Dai's arms and tried to clot the younger boy's bleeding wrists with the sheet. "Oh, Ken," he murmured. "Why didn't you say something?"

It's peaceful here and it's fine with me.

Inside, Miyako was on the verge of a panic attack. "My friend . . . he's bleeding everywhere! Hurry. Ichijouji, Ichijouji Ken. No! Yeah. We just found him. . . . I-I don't know! No! I just don't know. . . . His wrists-it looks like he slashed them. Yes! No, nobody else's here. Damnit, would you just hurry?!"

Not like the world where I used to live,

Iori, Wallace, and the digimon felt generally useless and just tried to stay out of the way.

Dai clutched an unresponsive Wormmon in front of him like a shield and tried not to scream.

I never really wanted to live.

~~~*~~~

Ya live your life like it's a coma

Yagami Hikari smiled as her bother snuck up behind his boyfriend. "BOO!"

Jyou shrieked and leapt into the air and the Child of Light and Child of Courage both burst out laughing.

"That isn't funny . . ." the blue-haired teen whined.

"Actually," Taichi mumbled around laughter, "that was very funny."

His sister grinned and stood up. "I'm going to get a glass of water; you guys want anything while I'm up?"

"Hmm?" Tai looked away from his attempt to steal Jyou's med book. "Nah, I'm good. Jyou?"

A wave of his hand. "Just get me whatever."

A sudden chiming stopped the young lady at the door. She walked back across the room and retrieved her D-Terminal. "I've got mail," she announced.

Taichi rolled his eyes. "You've always got mail." He turned back to Jyou and began to confide in him in a loud whisper. "It's probably from Mimi or Sora asking if they want to get together and talk about their boyfriends."

The girl stuck out her tongue. "Well if you really feel that way, I'll just read it in the kitchen."

"You do that then."

She stuck her head back in the doorway. "Oh, and please try to keep your hands to yourselves while I'm away, okay?"

Jyou looked up with an expression of false shock. "We're not like you and Takeru, you know!"

Hikari leveled a ruby-eyed glare at him before vanishing.

So won't you tell me why you'd wanna

With all the reasons you give it's,

It's kinda hard to believe . . .

Tai leered at his boyfriend. "Good, she's gone; now we can make out!"

A resigned sigh slid from between Jyou's lips. He closed his book and playfully held out his arms with an exaggerated pout. "If we must."

Taichi pounced.

Jyou yelped and fell out of his chair with a hard thud and glared up at his boyfriend who was now straddling his hips. "Not that I mind your enthusiasm, koi, but was that really necessary?"

"I will do whatever it takes to get you on your back!" the original goggle-boy declared.

A sudden crash from the kitchen interrupted them and Tai turned towards the door with a dark frown. "'Kari?"

Jyou slapped his boyfriend's thighs sharply and stood once Tai was up. They both left the room to find the younger teen.

"Hikari," Tai asked as they entered the kitchen, "are you o-"

The word stopped on his lips. Hikari sat on the kitchen floor next to a puddle of water and broken glass. It looked as though her water had slipped out of her hand and, judging by the look on her face, she was anything but okay.

Her brother was at her side instantly as Jyou began to clean up the glass. "What happened?" he asked as he enfolded her in a hug.

She looked at him mutely and held out her D-Terminal. Taichi took it from her and read the message with a slight frown.

But who am I to tell you that I've seen

Any reason why you should just stay?

Jyou looked up from what he was doing when he heard his boyfriend pull in a painfully sharp breath. "O, god . . ."

"What is it?" The Child of Faith adjusted his glasses. "What's wrong?"

Taichi handed him the Terminal.

Hikari,

Call the all the others and come to Tamachi General Hospital Emergency

Room A.S.A.P. Ken tried to kill himself. Koushiro is here with

Wallace, Dai, Iori, Wormmon, and myself. Daisuke's gone to pieces. Hurry.

~Miyako

Jyou blinked, read the message again, and then turned serious eyes to his boyfriend and his sister. "I'll go get the car."

Maybe we'd be better off without you anyway!

~~~*~~~

You got a one-way ticket

On your last chance ride.

Takeru frowned at Patamon as the batpig shoved half of a chocolate cake into his orange and white face.

"You're going to explode if you keep eating like that!"

Patamon's eyes blinked through a mask of Death By Chocolate cake. "Vut id jew shay?"

Takeru laughed and shook his head. "Nothing."

The little vaccine pouted and started to say something, but a sudden beeping stopped him.

With a frown, the Child of Hope reached down and pulled his D-Terminal out of his pocket. He flipped it open and began to read.

Gotta one-way ticket

To your suicide.

"Is it from Hikari-chan?"

Takeru gasped and stood up so fast that his chair fell over backwards. His head snapped up and he quickly barked orders to his partner. "Go call Mimi and Sora on the phone! Tell them to come to Tamachi General immediately."

"Why?" Patamon's eyes shone through the mess on his face in concern. "What's happened?"

"Ken just tried to kill himself."

~~~*~~~

Gotta one-way ticket

And there's no way out alive.

Sora frowned at the stage. "I don't know why I even came here!" she declared to Mimi over the loud music.

The pink be-decked girl shrugged and fanned herself with her hat. "Neither do I. In fact, I say we leave right now and go shopping. I only have another six weeks of vacation."

"How did you manage to get six weeks of vacation in May?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Sora. It's still April." The digi-world princess waved a hand airily as she continued. "Besides, I just stacked all my courses last semester and the previous year so I have plenty of credits and I had daddy sign me out as going on a student exchange."

Sora blinked at her friend. "Sometimes you absolutely amaze me, Mimi."

"So what did you guys think?"

The two girls glared from the stands down at Yamato harshly. "Yama," Mimi whined, "we were in the middle of a very important discussion!"

"About what?" the blond asked with his impetuous grin. "Your hats? Well, if you really need to know, Mimi, the hat isn't too small, your head is just too big."

"Why, you! I oughtta-"

"Sit down, Mimi!" Sora grabbed the girl's arm and jerked her back into her seat. "You're causing a scene!"

The Child of Sincerity flung her free hand out in a gesture that encompassed the entire empty room. "In front of who?!"

Yama smirked at turned back to his band. "Form the top guys! And a-one and a-two and . . ."

Music filled the air once more and Mimi continued to level a menacing look at the singing Digidestined. Abruptly she turned back to her friend and frowned. "So why aren't we shopping?"

Sora avoided her eyes. "I just came to check something out. I didn't think we'd catch them in a sound-check."

A pink eyebrow lifted. "Checking out . . .?" she coaxed.

Sora turned to her smiled. "You're not going to let this drop, are you?"

And all this crash communication

That has left me in the cold

Isn't much for consolation

When you feel so weak and old

"Nope."

"I need to make sure that Yamato isn't missing out on anything . . . or one."

Mimi squealed in delight. "Yama's crushing on someone?! I mean really, really crushing on someone?!"

"Mimi!" Sora blushed a pink the other girl was proud to see. "Please! You know how stubborn Yama can be and this is kind of . . . delicate."

"Ohhh." Mimi was quiet for a moment as she absorbed this information. "So who is it?"

Sora let loose a groan. "You're just impossible!"

"Does Yama know he's crushing?"

"Yeah," the Child of Love snorted, "but they're both so goddamn stubborn that they've decided to just ignore it and hope it goes away. Of course, Yama finds that a little bit harder to do than the object of his affection does . . ."

Mimi tilted her head and looked pensive and quiet for a moment, foreign expressions to her delicate face. "This is more than a crush, isn't it?"

"Yah."

"Oh. Damn."

"Yeah, so you see my problem?"

"Yeah," the pink-haired girl nodded, but still wasn't satisfied. "But who is it?"

Sora looked away. "Mbdjbeq Whc."

"Wanna try that in Japanese?"

The brunette turned back. "Oh, it's Ichijouji Ken!"

A jaw dropped and pink eyes widened to the size of saucers. "As in Digimon Kaiser?"

"FORMER Digimon Kaiser," Sora corrected with a wry twist of her lips. "And yes: the one and only."

"Oh. Double damn."

"Mm-hmm."

But if home is where the heart is

Then there's stories to be told.

"Is he crushing, too?"

"I think so."

Suddenly the music stopped. Sora stood up. "What's up, Yama?"

The Child of Friendship was looking backstage with a frown. "The phone's ringing." He replaced the mic in the stand and turned to his band. "I'll be back, guys. Keep in tune, kay?"

He vanished backstage.

"That was odd." She turned back to her friend. "Hey, are you alright, Mimi?"

The pink girl was on her feet and looking pale as paper. "Something's wrong, Sora."

"What do you mean?" Sora peered down at stage and frowned.

Then Yamato appeared. He looked like somebody had just punched him in the stomach. Very, very, very hard. He half-walked half-staggered over to the mic and began to pack up his gear. "Practice is over," he said.

A murmur rippled through the other band members and Sora grabbed Mimi's wrist and hauled her down the stands to the foot of the stage. Yamato appeared to be in some sort of shock.

No, you don't need a doctor,

No one else can heal your soul.

"Yama?" she demanded with dread sitting heavy in her stomach. "Yama, what is it?"

He looked up and reached a hand behind him to scratch his head. His voice came out as a cross between incredulous and bewildered. "We need to go to Tamachi General." He seemed to be looking straight through them. "It seems that Ken just tried to commit suicide."

Got your mind in submission

Got your life on the line

~~~*~~~

But nobody pulled the trigger

They just stepped aside

Daisuke stared blankly at a whitewashed wall.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

The others had all arrived: Taichi, Jyou, and Hikari were first and Yama, Mimi, and Sora were the last. Daisuke said nothing, but he was vaguely, on some distant level of comprehension, aware of what was going on.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"What happened?" That was Taichi. Hikari leaned heavily against him.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

Iori answered him. That kid was just so damn helpful. "We were at the picnic and Dai said that he was worried about Ken. Then he just started freaking out and Wormmon showed up."

Wormmon . . . The little virus was in Daisuke's arms now, but the youth wasn't really aware of that. He simply held Wormmon close and tried to pretend that this wasn't happening.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"So we took the Digiport to Tamachi and found him." The small teen shivered. "God, there was so much blood."

Daisuke tried to block those words out, but they rang tenaciously in his ears. He wanted to scream.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

They be down by the water

While you watch 'em wavin' goodbye.

Miyako placed a gentle hand on Tai's arm. "Daisuke felt it, Taichi. He felt Ken kill himself."

Daisuke shivered and pulled Wormmon closer to his chest. He pushed himself back deeper into someone's arms. Wallace? Did it matter?

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"Dai?" Taichi's face appeared in the younger goggle-boy's line of vision. "You okay, Dai?"

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

They be callin' in the morning

Daisuke felt his lips move, but couldn't control the words that slipped their way past them. He just felt the need to say something-anything at all. "I can still feel it, Taichi."

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"Feel it?"

The wild-haired teen nodded dumbly. "His heart. I couldn't feel it for a little while there, but it's back. I can feel it again now."

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"Is he alright?"

With great effort, the dazed youth turned towards the sound of Yamato's voice. He started a moment, taking in the normally handsome singer. Ishida Yamato looked like shit-to put it mildly.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"Is he alright?" the blond demanded again, looking slightly frantic. He was almost falling over, Sora totally supporting him.

"Yama," the Child of Love whispered with a slight tug. "Not now. Daisuke doesn't know anything."

The blonde's lips thinned into a line and his eyes glittered feverishly.

Lub, dub. Lub, dub.

"Easy, Yamato. I know how you feel." Taichi gripped his best friend's arm steadingly. "If it was Jyou, I know I'd-"

Yamato jerked away and made a sharp hissing noise. For a minute it looked like he'd hit Taichi, but then he merely staggered out of Dai's line of sight. A meaningful look passed between Tai and Sora and the original leader of the Digidestined frowned.

They be hangin' on the phone

"So you didn't talk to him?" he asked sharply.

Sora shrugged helplessly.

Daisuke turned away.

Lud, dub. Lub, dub. Oh, Ken . . .

"Hey, it's the doctor!"

Dai freed himself from Wallace and stood, eyes glued to where Hikari's hand was pointing. The doctor entered the waiting area and sighed. He was a tall, straight man in his early forties and his face was the perfect oriental model. A sickeningly blue hospital cap hid the majority of his thick black hair, except for a few strands that escaped to brush his forehead.

They be waitin' for an answer

But you nobody's home

A deep alto voice rolled out of his chest. "Your friend is very lucky," he said. "And very thorough."

Koushiro's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Young Ichijouji-san took a massive overdose of prescription painkillers at least a half an hour before he cut himself. We had to pump his stomach and flush his system; it was pretty touch and go for a while."

"But he's alright now?" demanded Yamato in his peculiar anxiety.

The doctor nodded. "We're keeping him on suicide watch, but he should make a full recovery. Minus some nasty scarring, of course."

Daisuke found his voice with a dull croak. "Can we see him?"

"Yes. He should be waking up soon." The doctor frowned for a moment as though considering something. "Don't tire him out, though. His body's been through a lot and I doubt he'll be very friendly or grateful. He seems to be quite determined to die. Keep in mind that you are dealing with somebody in an extremely fragile state of mind. He's very delicate right now."

They all rose gratefully and began to file out of the small room, but the doctor's voice stopped them. "Miss . . . Inoue?"

Miyako stiffened. "Yes?"

"As I understand it, you made the call?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know where the boy's parents are?"

The girl shook her head in a negative.

The doctor frowned again. "And I suppose that you are all equally uninformed?"

Yamato's eyes flashed in that dangerous way once more and Sora grabbed him and pulled him away towards Ken room. Jyou shook his head. "I'm sorry, doctor."

The man nodded and made a dismissive motion with his hand. The Digidestined left to check on their friend.

And when the bells stop ringing

It was nobody's fault but your own.

~~~*~~~

Drowning is a terrible way to die, but drowning under ice is even worse.

When you fall through, the first thing you know is cold.

You're so surprised that you don't know where you are or how you got there,

all you feel is a horrible invasive cold that bleeds through your garments and lodges itself in your soul.

Then the water takes you.

It wraps around you like a lover and slides up your nose

and into your mouth and down your throat. It touches your lungs like the dull side of a

rusty knife and it's only then that you know you're going to die.

And that scares the hell out of you.

So you panic.

You don't remember that the current's taken you downstream

away from the hole through which you fell.

You don't remember that your clothing and boots and the winter wear-

so valuable just a short time ago-weigh you down and drag you away from the surface.

You don't remember that struggling steals your energy and devours your air and that, even if you should reach the surface,

you're still under the ice.

You don't remember that you can't escape.

All that matters is reaching the surface-breaking through to the other side

and sucking in just one single beautiful breath of air.

But you can't.

So if you reach the surface, you feel a sinking horror when you see

the bubbles from your struggle skitter along the bottom of the ice.

And then you're pounding at the bottom of the ice, beating your fists and fervently praying to every god you ever knew-whether or not you're religious-that

someone will hear you or see you and come to your rescue.

If you're lucky someone comes.

You can see black shadows as they gather around you above the ice

and maybe even hear the dull thumps as they try and break through.

But by then you're almost out of air and you're so, so very tired.

You can't think anymore. You can't fight.

And you feel like your head is going to pop and your heart is bursting if you can't exhale.

So you do.

You let out that last gasp and water invades your body,

almost violating you in its eagerness.

But at that point, you don't care.

You know that the people on the surface won't ever break through and, for all their telling you to hold on and that they're coming, they don't know what it's like there.

They can't ever know.

Then you relax and feel yourself sinking, all the while, the silly people up there are screaming and pounding away at the ice.

Fools. What do they know?

So you just let go and close your eyes.

And suddenly dying isn't all that bad.

~~~*~~~

There were always ample warnings,

Voices . . . He could hear voices.

"Jyou, you shouldn't be reading his charts!"

"Relax, Sora, I just want to know how he's doing."

They sounded very far away, though. Like phantoms. Like they weren't there at all.

"Oh, god, look at his arms."

"Do you want go outside, Miya?"

"No. I just didn't expect-"

There were always subtle signs,

He knew them-wanted to see them-but they were so far away and he was so very tired . . .

"Ken? Can you here me, Ken?"

"Ken-chan? I went and got Daisuke. Please wake up. Please don't leave me again."

Again? He didn't want to leave. He had never meant to hurt these people, but everything was just so damn hard. Everything was so loud.

"Why doesn't he wake up, Wallace? Why's he so pale?"

" . . . He lost a lot of blood, Dai. I'm sure he'll wake up soon."

"Please wake up, Ken."

Was somebody crying? What a silly thing to do. Stop it, he willed. Stop crying.

"Can you feel it, Ken? That's our hearts. Can you still feel it?"

He wanted all these people to go away. He wanted them to stop trying to pull him out of the dark place he was in.

"I'm here, Ken-chan. Please?"

And you would have seen it comin'

But we gave you too much time,

Stop crying, damn you! Go away!

"I think he's coming around."

"Ken?"

"Please wake up."

"It's alright."

"Give him some air, guys! Don't crowd."

Go away! I don't want to wake up. Leave me alone!

"Ken?" Daisuke drew a sharp breath as a pair of blue-violet eyes fluttered open.

A groan slipped through the other boy's lips and he closed his eyes again. A bandaged arm lifted and lay across his face as he registered a weight settled firmly of his chest. Ten familiar pods pressed down on him: Wormmon. Aw, fuck, he thought in disgust.

"Ken-chan?" the digimon whispered.

The arm moved and the teen opened his eyes again and looked at the small creature on his chest. Tears stained the little virus's face and his large blue eyes were wet and distorted by fear and grief. The dull ache in Ken's heart lurched suddenly and the human felt like throwing up. His voice came out in a cracked and abused whisper. "I've made you cry again. I'm sorry . . ."

Wormmon took one look at his face and promptly burst into tears and burrowed into the crook of Ken's neck.

The ache spread to a warm throbbing.

Wrapping one arm around his digimon so that he didn't fall, the Tamachi-born genius pushed himself upright to a sitting position with a great deal of effort. The motion and sudden pressure on his arms sent angry bolt of pain shooting through him to settle in the area between his shoulder blades. He felt hands trying to facilitate him, but he kept his eyes firmly glued to the bed. He didn't want to look up and see the hatred and disapproval in their eyes.

"Ken?" That was the owner of those helpful hands, Daisuke. "Ken, please look at me."

Don't look. Oh, please, God, I don't want to see.

"Please, Ken?"

Haunted purple eyes peered out at the goggle-boy through a curtain of indigo hair and Ken unconsciously cringed back. Oh, please . . .

And when you said that no one listened

Why'd your best friend drop a dime?

Daisuke forced a smile for an instant, but the strain was too much and a sob tumbled from his throat even as his expression collapsed. The shorter boy stood and wrapped his arms around his jogress partner and squeezed him tightly, careful not to squish Wormmon between them. "You scared me, Ken," he whispered into the trembling teen's hair. "Don't you ever, EVER, do that again, do you hear me? Never again!"

Ken leaned into those strong arms and nodded mutely. Lub, dub. Lub, dub. He could feel their hearts beating together.

"Ken?"

The genius raised his head in astonishment. He had forgotten that there were other people here. In fact, everyone was here. Taichi was standing on the other side of his bed next to Jyou and Yamato sat down in the chair beside the night table. Sora and Mimi were a little bit behind them and Iori, Miyako, and Koushiro were hovering next to the door as though unsure of themselves. A tall blond boy whom Ken recognize as Wallace from Dai's rants and Hikari's pictures was standing behind Daisuke's chair looking relieved and next to him Takeru had his arms wrapped around Hikari.

"Ken?" Yama repeated.

Wary eyes turned to him and the blond musician's hand found Ken's and held it tightly. The older boy's face trembled somewhere near tears. "You okay?"

Why is he upset? Ken gripped that hand tightly, clinging to it like a lifeline. There was strange comfort to be found in that grip. "I'm sorry," he whispered without knowing why he really was.

Yamato's blue eyes shone. "Please don't ever do that again."

Sometimes we get so tired of waiting

For a way to spend our time.

He nodded again, still trapped in Daisuke and Wormmon's embrace. The throb had grown to a burning fire that invaded every part of his body and overrode the pounding in his head and pain in his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. A tear escaped him as he closed his eyes to blot out their faces. Now just what the hell am I supposed to do?

~~~*~~~

And it's so easy to be social

Dr. Marion Dukatsue was one of the foremost child psychologists in the world. With two medical degrees, two more degrees in abnormal psychology, a PhD. in child psychology and criminology, and masters in Japanese and French, she was just about as good as they got. After practicing in the United States for twelve years and traveling the world for another two beyond that, she had finally decided to settle down in downtown Odaiba, Japan and begin a study on the merits of Asian education over the Western system. The study devoured most of Dr. Dukatsie's time and she only took on the most difficult or high profile cases that were brought to her attention. Ichijouji Ken was her newest patient.

It's so easy to be cool

Her dark brown eyes narrowed as she took in the slim teenager with whom she had spent the last hour. A striking woman in her own right-six feet tall, narrow-waisted, a bit muscular, and very upfront-she was not a person who was easily unsettled, but the celebrated genius had thrown her for a bit of a loop. The kid was just uncrackable.

After about a half hour, she usually had a patient in the palm of her hand-forty-five minutes at most, but she knew that she wasn't anywhere close to putting a dent in Ichijouji's shields. The kid had more defense mechanisms than the U.S. did during the Cold War, and she sensed that there was some sort of deep traumatic event in his past-most likely more than one. This was not the typical poor-little-rich-boy syndrome she was dealing with here. This was a mystery. A sigh pushed its way past her rouged lips.

"Would you like a glass of water, Ken?"

"No thank you, Doctor."

It's so easy to be hungry

When you ain't got shit to lose

Keeping his back to her, the youth stared out of the floor to ceiling windows of her penthouse office suit and stared at the traffic thirty-two floors down. Dr. Dukatsie sipped her non-fat mocha latte, content to wait him out. She knew how to play this game, too, and had figured out about five minutes into the session that pushing would just make him close up. The black point of her gel pen whispered as it skated across the yellow legal pad. She glared down at the ledger and frowned at her flowing script.**

Patient # 52 (I, K). Session One: Information:

- Brother: Ichijouji Osamu, deceased

- Parents: Rika and Tsuyoshi.

- I.Q. +4 deviation from norm @ 163.

Patient # 52 (I, K). Session One: Observations:

- Ego-centrism

- Subtle / repressed narcissistic and sociopathic behavior patterns point to a mental breakdown at an earlier point in time and the possibility of future episodes.

- Paranoia (?)

- Repressed anger.

- Possible mild O.C.D.

- Symptoms of agoraphobia and social phobia: extreme discomfort at being touched and an intense anxiety and dislike of new people and situations.

- (?) Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Possible abuse during childhood?

- Insomnia and Depression-reports of manic behavior before the suicide. Rx: Sinequan or Paxil w/ lithium to treat possible mania.

- A brief slip about possible delusions?

Patient # 52 (I, K). Session One: Diagnosis:

Treat Immediately

Marion closed her eyes tiredly. This egg is going to take quite a while to crack. She settled back into her chair comfortably and smoothed raven hair out of her face. "So, how did dying feel?"

The teen whirled around, the smooth mask slipping for the first time since she had met him. His eyes narrowed warily and the mask returned. His long indigo hair slid to the side and obscured his face as Ken looked at her sideways for a moment. His voice was cold and polite, polished and precise, like a china vase left in a snowstorm. "What do you mean?"

And I wish that I could help you

With you're 'spose to find,

Dr. Dukatsie looked him in the eye. "It's been two weeks, Ken. You don't have anything to say? You don't feel anything?"

"No."

"Nothing?"

"I feel nothing, Dr. Dukatsie."

She nodded and a bell chimed softly. The woman stood, appearing to tower over the slender genius as she shook his hand in a firm grip. "Well, I'm afraid that that's all the time we have today, Ken. Thank you for your time."

He smiled a smile that didn't touch his eyes and shook her hand lightly, his grip was soft and quick, a feather in comparison to her crow bar. "Thank you, Doctor."

But I'm still out here waiting

Watching reruns of my life.

She noticed that he unconsciously wiped his hands when she released him. Another false smile and a few polite words later, he was out the door and she was left to brood. Marion walked over to the phone on her heavy oak desk and hit a button.

"Yes, Doctor?" asked a tinny voice through the speaker.

"Nantsu, I want you to schedule an appointment with Ichijouji Tsuyoshi and Rika for tomorrow."

"Of course, ma'am. Is that all you'll be needing?"

"Yes. Thank you, Nantsu."

Out in the hall, Ken leaned against a wall around the corner, eavesdropping. He shook his head and turned to go. Hmph. So that woman thought that she could manipulate him, did she? Imbeciles. In the elevator, he assaulted a button that would direct the large chamber to the ground floor. The young genius closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the elevator started with a slight jolt. His stomach lurched and leapt up to his throat.

When you reach the point

Of breaking you know

He squeezed his eyes shut until he felt the skin bunch and ripple. It's just an elevator . . . Nothing is going to happen. There's nobody else here. It's just an elevator. Ken bit his lip so hard it bled. It's just an elevator . . . Oh, my God . . . He imagined that he could hear the cable snapping and the metal walls of the elevator scream as they warped and twisted. He put his hands over his ears and dropped down to the floor in a whimpering heap.

"Stop it," he choked out. "Please stop it . . ."

Suddenly two strong hands were on his shoulders. "Ken?" The hands shook him and pulled him to his feet. "Ken, what happened?!"

The last Ichijouji child opened frightened eyes. "Daisuke?" He pushed himself up with trembling hands. Daisuke was standing in front of him, his face almost intolerably close. He smelled like wet earth and almonds. Ken tried to back up, needing space to be between them-needing air-but hit a wall. "What happened?" He had to get out of this elevator. Right now.

It's going to take some time,

Chocolate brown eyes shone with confusion and the shorter teen stepped back to give his friend space. "I dunno. When the elevator open, I saw you all balled up here in the corner. Did you hurt yourself?"

". . . No," Ken said slowly. He slightly pushed his way past his jogress partner and stepped out of the elevator, taking in a deep, hungry breath of air.

"What happened to you in there Ken?"

"I . . ." Deep purple eyes looked at anything but Daisuke. "I should get home, Dai." Those bruised ice eyes looked up to lock briefly with his friend's before turning away. "You know how Mother worries."

Dai stared at Ken's retreating back in puzzlement. "Just what the hell is going on with you, man?"

To heal the broken memories that

Another man would need

Just to survive.

----------------------------^-----------------------------

**A/N 2: I'm a Psych major and I already have about the equivalent of a semester and a half under my belt, so I pulled out one of my texts to check out where Ken's various little problems would fall. If you're curious, here's what the good doctor's notes meant:

- I.Q. +4 deviation from norm @ 163.

IQ (OR Intelligence quotient is found using this formula Mental Age (or MA)/ Chronological Age or (CA) and multiplied by 100. This means that anyone who has an IQ of 100 is average. 68% of the population fall between 85 and 115; 99.7% of the general population fall between 55 and 145. Someone who has an IQ of 85 is said to fall -1 standard deviations (S.D.) from the mean. This means that their IQ is one deviation, or "level" below that of the general population. 70 and below, or anything below -2 S.D., is considered mentally retarded; this accounts for roughly 2.14% of the general population. An IQ of 115 is +1 S.D., meaning that that person's intelligence is one "level" above that of the general population. At +3 S.D. (145) there is only .13% of the population. At +4 S.D. (where I have placed Ken-chan) the number is infinitesimal.

- Ego-centrism

Ego-centrism is the belief that everything revolves around you and it can also be tied to certain phobic, anxiety, and paranoid disorders.

- Subtle / repressed narcissistic and sociopath behavior patterns point to a mental breakdown at an earlier point in time and the possibility of future episodes.

Narcissism is characterized by the inability to empathize with others; the firm belief that the person is "special," "superior," or "unique;" constantly seeking attention or admiration; and generally the person believes, quite firmly that he or she is better and more deserving than others and therefore has a natural right to whatever they want, regardless of the consequences to others -gee, Digimon Emperor ring a bell, anyone?

Sociopaths and psychopaths are people who are diagnosed with "Antisocial Personality Disorder," which has nothing whatsoever to do with axe-murders or serial killers (although many of them have it), but merely means that the person's behavior can be characterized as self-centered, lacking concern for others right and well-being, lacking concern for the consequences of their actions and being highly manipulative and exploitative of others. Not MY Ken-chan, right?

- Paranoia (?)

The belief that others are out to do you harm or "get you." Well, the Kaiser did hear voices . . . Besides, if you dressed like that in public, you'd be paranoid, too. No doubt, he was definitely on the Kiddie Gap's hit list.

- Repressed anger.

This is anger that was buried within the psyche because its object or cause was in some way out of reach. It's not a particularly healthy way to deal with things, because it has a tendency to build up and can cause nervous breakdowns, increase stress, tension, and risk of stroke, depression, and heart attack, and it also has the rather nasty side effect of slipping at the most inconvenient times or being directed towards others who are considered a more acceptable "whipping boy." *Sigh* My poor Wormy-kun . . .

- Possible mild O.C.D.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It also has to do with feelings of exerting control over one's environment. C'mon, NO twelve year-old's room is that neat. And he studies waay too much. Plus there was that whole "Nothing can stop me from ruling this world" thing.

- Symptoms of agoraphobia and social phobia: extreme discomfort at being touched and an intense anxiety and dislike of new people and situations.

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder is an illogical fear of crowds, being alone w/out help, and open spaces. Often "panic attacks" (feelings of impending doom, cold sweats, tremors, vertigo, hypervenalation, or perhaps even fainting spells) accompany the disorder. Social Phobia is intense and excessive anxiety of being in groups and being the center of attention. Yes, I am aware that this conflicts with Ken's narcissistic behavior, but in the show, as much as Ken loved the attention, he despised it passionately as well.

- (?) Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Possible abuse during childhood?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is another anxiety disorder (my poor Ken is a wreck ;_; ) and it occurs when a traumatic and horrifying event (such as watching your brother die, watching your partner die, realizing that the world you're in is not there for your sole amusement, finding out that you've destroyed more lives than the entire Third Reich, or getting sucked into a Black Ocean, attacked by hideous monster, kidnapped by a pedophile [and I don't care what Toei claims, either Oikawa was a raging freak and pedophile or I'm green and or with pink polka dotted hair and named Myxquiklhutzyr. And I'm not], manipulated by a giant spider, and / or having at least two manic-depressive / psychotic episodes) and the event returns in vivid flashbacks in reaction to a trigger event. As for the child abuse, talk to Ainokitsune-I like Osamu, but there was definitely something weird going on there . . .

- Insomnia and Depression-reports of manic behavior before the suicide. Rx: Sinequan or Paxil w/ lithium to treat possible mania.

Insomnia is an inability to fall or maintain asleep and often accompanied PTD and Anxiety Disorders. Depression should be obvious. If it's not, e-mail me. Mania is characterized by elated or highly agitated moods, increased activity levels, poor judgment and concentration, decreased need for rest or sleep, and in an elated version produce feelings of intense euphoria and enthusiasm; the irritated version causes feelings of misery. Incessant chatter often accompanies the disorder in either version as does "flights of thought" and "racing thoughts." Mania, in often milder forms, has been associated with the common behavior of people shortly before committing suicide.

Sinequan-an antidepressant

} Both are used to moderate severe depression.

Paxil-an anti-depressant

Lithium-is an anti-depressant and highly effective in treating manic depression.

And now you know!!! All this information was drawn from one book, and this is my first official college semester and psychiatry is not the branch of psychology I'm studying. If there are errors or here, please e-mail me and I'll research it and respond. Thank you!

-Vain

Behavioral and Social Science: Psychology

By: Don Baucum, Ph.D.

The University of Alabama at Birmingham

Barron's College Review Series

Hauppauge, N.Y.

http://www.barronseduc.com

c. 1999

Library of Congress Card Catalogue # 98-54394

----------------------------^-----------------------------