Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Under the Ice ❯ To Breathe Again ( Chapter 4 )

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Under the Ice

Part Three: To Breathe Again

By: Vain 9.29-10.8.2001

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This is the last story in Under the Ice.

IF YOU DO NOT READ THE FIRST TWO STORIES, THIS WILL MAKE NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!

In keeping with the tradition set in Surfacing, I don't own digimon,

this is a YAMAKEN / KENATO LEMON, and contains YOAI and SHOUNEN-AI, and themes of suicide, depression, and metal illness:

you don't like it; I don't care-don't read it, don't flame me.

This story also contains mature themes and adult language.

The song "Monster Side" was written by Mark Aston / James Denham / Nicholaj Juel / Luke Bullen and is the property of the group Addict.

I found it on the Disturbing Behavior (track 4) soundtrack and I copied it by ear, so if you know the words and I've made errors, please send me corrections.

And yes-in case you're REALLY dumb and still haven't figured it out-I am hentai. Get over it or go away.

Enjoy.

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Motomiya Daisuke glared at his jogress partner. His chocolate brown eyes, normally liquid and vibrant, were cold and unforgiving. Across the room and sitting on the couch next to Ishida Yamato, Ichijouji Ken stared back unimpressed. The two were only vaguely aware of the argument going on around them.

"I don't really think that it's any of your goddamn business," Yamato informed Taichi with a decidedly frosty tone of voice.

Tai ground his teeth together. "I'm just saying that you should have waited-thought this thing through first."

"Well, we didn't, so you may as well get over it." Yama's arms and legs were crossed defensively and he leaned slightly towards Ken. "I don't understand why this is such a big deal."

Daisuke's eyes narrowed, but he still didn't look away from Ken.

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread," Koushiro murmured almost absently.

Ken looked away from Daisuke and his lips quirked upwards towards an eerily familiar smirk. "In case you haven't noticed, Koushiro, neither myself nor Yamato have ever been much the angel type."

They all stared at him. This was the first time that Ken had spoken voluntarily since before he was hospitalized.

Miyako shook her head. "I don't care if you two do hold prizes for angst, that is no excuse for being stupid."

Ken's eyes hardened over-he had worked too hard to ever let anyone call him stupid-but Yamato interrupted him. "We're not stupid, and quite frankly, my relationship with Ken is none of your business, so just butt out!" He turned hurt blue eyes to Taichi in reproach. "I thought that you at least would be happy for us!"

The wild-haired teen stood and extended his arms. No one was quite sure whether the gesture was pleading or intimidating, but his face had suddenly turned a very unhealthy color. "I said talk to him, not fuck him!"

Yamato stood and clenched his hands into fists. "We did what we did because we felt like it! You don't know what it's like, Taichi! You don't know what it's like to be so empty!"

"Then you make us understand!"

"You couldn't."

Abruptly Dai snapped. The goggle-boy lurched to his feet, rage blazing in his eyes, and pointed a dangerous and accusing finger at Yamato. "And I don't want to either! That is no reason for you to take advantage of Ken!"

Ken's eyes flashed darkly and his voice was a dangerously smooth purr that instantly commanded attention. "Take advantage of me?" His eyes had gone from an ocean blue to a frozen purple. "He took advantage of me?" The genius gave his jogress partner a look that was somewhere between contempt, pity, and disgust, but was nowhere near pleasant. "Please, my dear Daisuke, since I obviously must have missed something, explain that to me."

Dai's brow contorted and he was breathing heavily.

Ken's eyes almost seemed to glow with poorly contained anger. "Educate me as to how exactly the big bad Ishida-san took advantage of poor helpless little Ichijouji Ken."

Daisuke took three steps across the room and bent down so that his nose was almost an inch from Ken's. The indigo-haired boy started, afraid that Dai was going to kiss him; instead, he did something much worse-he slapped him. Hard. This was not the light cuff that one gives a friend to bring him to his senses, or even a reprimand given to a naughty child: this was a genuine "this-is-gonna-leave-a-big-welt-I-want-to-hurt-you-more-than-you've-hurt-me " smack. And Motomiya Daisuke, the Child of Courage and Friendship, laid it right across the sneering face of his best friend in the world.

Everything stopped. Everyone stared. Ken turned his head to face his assailant with pain-filled eyes. Daisuke fled.

"Daisuke!" Tai reached out as his protégé ran past, but had to grab Yamato before the older teen could do some serious damage to him.

"Get back here!" the blond yelled as he struggled in Tai's arms.

"Let him go, Yama!" Miya cried, trying desperately to calm him down.

Hikari and Takeru both moved to Ken's side. The former despot held one hand over the large bruise that was rapidly blossoming on his left cheek and his mouth was slightly open in dull shock.

"Ken?" Hikari asked, gingerly touching his shoulder.

"Yamato! Dai just didn't know what he was doing! He was mad, alright?!"

"It is not alright, Miyako! Let go of me! Er . . .Yagami Taichi!"

"Ken?"

The pale young man turned his eyes to her. He lowered his hand. "It seems I've made quite a mess of things again, haven't I, Hikari?"

She shrugged and cast a glance over Ken's shoulder to Takeru, silently begging for help.

"You know Daisuke," Takeru said soothingly, "his heart's usually in the right place, but his head tends to occupy an altogether different region."

Ken shook them off and stood. Yama's struggles ceased and they all turned to watch as the Child of Kindness put on his jacket.

"Ken?" Yama asked, a whole conversation voiced in just one word.

Ken looked up at him and a soft smile slid across his face. "I have to talk to him," he told the musician. "He didn't mean anything by it-he never does. But I still have to talk to him."

After a moment Yamato nodded reluctantly and Taichi and Miyako released him. "Be careful," he counseled as his koi walked towards the door.

Ken nodded. He knew that Yamato was not worried about him getting hit again. There are some things that can do more damage than any physical pain in the world.

The sound of the door echoed loudly as it closed. The blond turned wary eyes on his friends. The silence was terrible-a living thing. Yamato sighed and sat down on the couch, suddenly weary.

"All right," he said, blue eyes filled with resignation. "Go ahead."

"Oh, Yama . . ." Hikari made a helpless fluttering motion with her hands. "What do you want us to say?"

"Well you all seemed pretty damn eager to lay into me a few minutes ago!" he snapped, pulling back into the padding of the chair defensively.

"We just . . ." the Child of Light stopped and looked around for help. "We . . ."

"We don't want to see anyone get hurt," her boyfriend said gently.

The musician glared at his little brother. "Well thank you for your concern, but I think we'll be just fine."

Miyako cast her jogress partner a worried look and moved to sit on the floor by the frustrated teen's feet. Her ruby quartz colored eyes stared up at him pleadingly, enlarged by her enormous glasses, and she placed a hand on his knee in supplication. "Yamato . . ." she started off carefully, "I don't think that you quite realize what you've gotten into." His eyes hardened, but she continued. "Haven't you ever wondered why Ken and Daisuke didn't hook up? Or Ken and myself? God knows the desire was there for both me and Dai."

Yama narrowed his eyes suspiciously and she felt him tense up beneath her hand. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about it," she urged softly, "Who were the couples that everyone saw? You and Tai. Hikari and TK. Sora and Mimi. Daisuke and Ken. Did you ever wonder why that didn't work out?"

Suddenly the blond smirked. "No." He raised his eyes to glare at Taichi. "But did any of you ever wonder why Tai and I never 'hooked up?' "

Miya blinked and recoiled a bit, startled. Taichi began to study the ground in false fascination. Koushiro perked up, eyes shining with curiosity and Hikari and Takeru held hands, confusion prominent on both their faces. They were aware that something had happened a little while before Jyou finally worked up the courage to ask Tai out, but neither of their brothers had ever mentioned it.

Yamato looked from face to face; smirk broadening with every passing moment. "You never told them?" he asked his best friend innocently.

Taichi looked up at Yama with an unusual sadness in his eyes. "If our situations were reversed, would you?"

The smirk faded and Yamato ran a hand through his hair. "No, I suppose not." He turned his blue eyes to Hikari. "You're talking about the Darkness, aren't you? Let me guess: you're all afraid of it?"

Miya's eyes widened. "How did you-"

Yamato shrugged. "I don't see what you're all stressing over. It hasn't hurt me."

Hikari stiffened. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on!" the blond snapped. He pushed himself to his feet, brushed past Miyako, and began to pace like a caged animal. "You above all people should know that darkness isn't something that will just fade away, 'Kari! Darkness is just as much a part of Ken and me as it is of you-us by nature and you by default. So Daisuke's afraid of it. So he doesn't understand it. If you expect me turn away from Ken on that basis, then you've come to the wrong person!"

Hikari shook her head defensively. "This has nothing to do with rejection! We-"

"Just want to make sure that I don't get hurt?" he sneered. "Just want to make sure that Ken doesn't go all Kaiser again? Just want to make sure that he stays miserable?"

"NO!" She shook her head. "You're twisting things! Ken-"

"Is not going to be okay until he comes to terms with who and what that he is!"

Koushiro eyed his friend warily. "And how do you know?"

Yama smiled sadly-painfully. "I've been there. I wouldn't have made it through if it hadn't been for Taichi, but we also figured out that it wouldn't have worked out-not anymore, at least. But he did manage to keep me from taking a paring knife to my wrists."

Taichi studied the floor. "Barely."

The genius frowned. "I don't understand."

"I know." Yama hissed, scrubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. "So just stay out of it."

Taichi stood and stepped forward, face a sudden, angry red. "Damnit, Yamato, you're not listening!!"

"I don't want to listen!!!"

The two boys glared at one another angrily for several long minutes. Koushiro watched with typical analytical interest and Miya's hand flew to cover her mouth. Takeru drew Hikari into his arms, ready to shield his beloved should their brothers resort to violence.

Koushiro was the first to break the tense silence. "I'm afraid that I still don't understand."

Yamato's eyes left Tai's and turned to stare at the Child of Knowledge for a moment. Then he laughed. Tai regarded his chortling friend with narrowed eyes for an instant and then he too began to giggle. Soon the two of them were doubled over and holding their sides as they laughed.

Koushiro glared. "It isn't that funny," the dark-eyes teen muttered, looking put out.

It was too much. Hikari buried her face in TK's shirt to smother her chuckles and while the blond merely threw back his head and laughed. Miyako bit her lip and turned away from her pouting koi.

Koushiro looked from face to face. "Stop it." If it had been anyone else, he would be whining.

They only laughed harder. The neat teen scowled and crossed his arms, prime sulking position. "Well, I'd like to see you all try to do quantum physics . . ."

After several rather long minutes, Yamato reclaimed his dignity, but the grave mood was ruined. He stood upright, wiping his eyes almost automatically. His eyes had softened considerably as he regarded Taichi. "This is stupid."

Tai also stood rubbed his eyes, but he looked a bit more somber. "It's different with Ken, Yama-chan. We trust you to keep a tight rein on those darker impulses . . ."

The blond raised an eyebrow. "But you don't trust my Ken?"

The other boy sighed and ran a hand through his untamable hair. The significance of the possessive was not lost on him. "No," he replied softly after a moment. "No, Yamato, we don't. I don't. I cannot take that risk."

Yamato swallowed hard and then turned to Takeru and Hikari, eyes a bit bright. "And you two?"

Takeru stared up at his brother defiantly. "I'm with Taichi."

"Hikari?"

"I don't know." The girl closed her eyes and looked down. "But I do know that Ken is my friend. I will not abandon him when he needs me most." A delicate hand reached up and brushed her hair back. "I've felt it, you know. All these years. In both of you." The girl looked up and met his eyes. "But you always seemed so in control, Yamato. You always handled it so well that it was never in issue. But Ken . . . he's different, Yama. He's darker, angrier. I don't know if he can control it. The Darkness inside him never really left, I think, it was just hiding. Ken simply pushed it all down underneath the surface and showed us what we wanted to see-or maybe it was what he wanted to be. I don't know. I guess that he can't push it down anymore." 'Kari shook her head. "But it is a part of him, of who he is. It's a very dangerous part, but it's inseparable. We were all fooling ourselves thinking that it wasn't. We all knew it was there, somewhere just beneath the surface. That's why we didn't talk about the Kaiser-we were afraid that saying it would make it real. And that's why Dai and Miya never made a move. The Darkness in him scared them. They-we-were afraid of him. Are you?"

The Child of Friendship smiled softly. "No. I trust him. And I care."

Miyako sighed. "But you don't know him."

"And you do?" His blue eyes were like spears. "Does anyone here really know him but Dai?"

There was a moment of uncomfortable shifting and Yama nodded grimly. "Well, then, I think it's high time that we remedied this little situation." He stood straight up and made a swift downward gesture with both hands. "Look, here are the facts: I like Ken. Ken likes me. We want to be together and see if this works out. Ken needs help; I can give him that. Ken needs support; I can give him that. Ken needs someone who is not constantly ramming expectations and rules down his throat; I can be that someone. I am not scared, or alarmed, or frightened by the Darkness in him. I know it too well. And this is not a debate or a group decision to be made by the entire Digidestined council. This is between no one but Ken and myself. If you don't trust Ken to handle himself, trust me to handle Ken. End of discussion."

The sound of clapping emerged from the doorway and all heads turned from Yamato to stare at Takenouchi Sora as she gave him a round of applause. "It's about time you said something," the Keeper of Love declared as she stalked into the room. "You just don't try to stand in the middle of something like what the two of you could have."

Yamato stared at the new arrival as she sat herself down on the couch that he had just vacated. "Wh-ho-When . . ."

"Right after Daisuke fled and was followed by Ken." She stretched languidly. "How'd he get that bruise on his cheek anyway?"

"Dai hit him." A sudden thought then dawned on the musician as what she had said finally sunk in. "You knew!!" He took several steps towards her, face flushed and eyes flashing. "I was torturing myself for about him for months-nearly two and a half years-and you knew all along how I felt!!!"

She frowned. "I am the Child of Love, Yama. Besides, you managed to make a total ass out of yourself whenever he was around. It wasn't exactly the most subtle thing you could've done, Yama-chan."

He glared at her, obviously unsatisfied.

The red-haired girl then smiled and batted her lashes at him prettily. "Besides, true love should never be rushed."

The musician choked on air. "I don't-it's not-I-"

Sora watched him sputter helplessly for an instant and her frown deepened. "Too soon?" she asked with genuine sympathy. "Sorry."

"You're sorry?!"

"Don't worry about it. It took me a long time to accept whom I was destined for."

Miya blinked behind her glasses in confusion. "What?"

Sora's eyebrows shot up. "We thought you knew." She looked around at all the confused faces. "What? You didn't really think that all Mimi and I did together was shop? C'mon, people! What did we need to do? Paint a sign?"

Yamato's eyes looked a bit glassy. "I think I need to sit down . . ."

Everyone stared. Hikari blushed an interesting shade of red and Tai's mouth hung open. Sora looked at them with an odd blend of amusement and annoyance.

Koushiro sighed. "I just don't understand people," the genius murmured. He reached down for his ever-present computer bag and pulled out his laptop.

A cough from the doorway broke the stillness and they all turned around a second time. Jyou flushed as he became the center of attention. His eyes moved from his boyfriend, to Yama, to Sora, to Miyako, to the Takari, to Koushiro, and back to Taichi. "Um . . . did I miss something?"

Yamato sat down heavily. "I need to get new locks."

Jyou looked around innocently. "What? What happened? Tai-chan? Koushiro?"

The genius looked up, eyes hard. "Don't ask."

"But-"

Tai shook his head. "No, Jyou. Really. Don't ask."

The blue-haired teen rubbed his forehead. "Oh . . .okay." He looked to where Yamato sat on the couch. "Are you alright, Yama? Where's Ken?"

He shrugged.

Jyou looked around the room again. "Okay."

There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence.

Jyou frowned. "You didn't sleep with him, did you?"

Sora burst out laughing and Yamato buried his head in his hands. "I've got a headache."

~~~*~~~

// I am young, but a fool.

I am stupid, but uncool. //

The Ishida's apartment was two floors below the roof-a very short distance when one is running. From it, the view of Tokyo was fantastic. The sunlight was bright and enormous cumulous clouds blotted out chunks of the frozen blue sky. Not blue like Ken's eyes, like the ocean, but blue like Yamato's, sapphires on a sunny January morning.

"He hits harder than you," a cold voice informed him from somewhere behind him. Cold . . . like that January morning. Just cold. Like ice.

"Did he hit you? Did you ask him to? Did you get off on it? Did you whimper and moan and beg for it and did it make it better when you came all over his bed screaming his name?"

There came the unreal noises of Ken's boots against the concrete as the taller boy came to stand next to Daisuke and stare out over the city. The goggle-boy didn't look at his friend when Ken began to speak again. "No. I was actually referring to Takeru. Takeru hits harder than you do."

// I am kind, but I'm weak.

I can't turn the other cheek.

All I wanted was to find a friend there, then again //

They still did not look at one another, but Dai shifted slightly and wrapped his arms around himself to ward off a slight chill. "What are you talking about? Takeru's never laid a hand on you."

"Have you forgotten already?" That voice was so cold. It wasn't a boy's voice. Nor was it the voice of a shy and haunted teen. It was a dark voice-a Kaiser's voice. Odd, how someone could be two different people without ever really changing. That cold voice continued: "It was right before our last battle against one another-after I'd released Kimeramon. Takeru was in the base, looking for someone as I recall-not me, but someone else. He found me. We fought and he hit me. He actually hit me. Like you did, but harder. I let him hit me, I think. I wanted him to hurt me. I wanted to feel something beyond rage and hurt, so I, with my black belt and judo awards, let him hit me. It hurt. That was the beginning of the end, I think, when Takeru hit me. I knew it was over. Maybe I was even glad."

// I just can't hide my monster side,

My monster side.

And I can't control the loss I feel,

The loss I feel. //

The two were silent again and Daisuke coughed.

"Why?" he asked after a moment. They both knew that he wasn't talking about Takeru now.

Ken didn't look away from the city. "Because I wanted to. Because I wanted it. Because I wanted him. I've wanted him so bad . . ." He sighed, a slight displacement of air. "I haven't been happy for a very long time now, Daisuke."

"Nobody gets everything they want, Ken. Nobody ever gets to be truly happy. You don't see any of us fucking random Digidestined because of it."

The other teen was not disturbed by this brief tirade. "Yamato is hardly 'random.' He's . . . I think I could care about him. He cares about me-the real me. The me that frightens you and made you run away. And I have no desire to 'fuck,' as you so eloquently put it, anyone else. And furthermore, as a matter of fact, I do see people 'fucking random Digidestined because of it.'" Now he finally did look at Daisuke and his violet-not blue, but violet-eyes held condemnation and hurt.

Daisuke took a step towards his jogress partner, hands clenched in tight fists. "Don't you dare . . ." he hissed in a terrible voice-it was a cold voice, not a Daisuke voice. "Don't you dare compare what Wallace and I have with some random tryst you and Yama had because he was drunk and you were pathetic!"

// If I had another chance,

I would peacefully advance. //

The worst thing about loving someone is that they always hurt you. And you will always hurt them. Ken flinched and his eyes hardened. He looked away, not trusting himself to speak, and Daisuke let his hands drop limply to his sides. He felt so very tired and the silence between them was an old, worn thing.

There came a whisper, or maybe it was a breath. "Oh, 'Suke . . ." A shuddering breath was released and then drawn back in. "Why can't you just understand? Why won't you even try?"

Dai looked away from his friend and back out over the city. "You underestimate me, Ken. I do understand. I understand perfectly and it's monstrous and horrid and inhuman."

// But as I'm fated to be here,

Resigned and ridden by my fear,

I should love myself. My vanity loves someone else //

"But it's who I am . . ."

"IT'S NOT!!" Blazing brown eyes looked into softened blue-violet ones. "It's not who you've been for the past three years! And now, overnight, you're just going to forget all that?! What about your parents?! What about Wormmon?! The others?! . . . What about me, Ken? . . .I-Damnit, Ken."

Ken looked away again. "You know me, Daisuke. You know me better than anyone. You've been in my head, dreamed my dreams, felt my feelings . . . our hearts beat together. But they are not one heart. Why are you so afraid of this-of me? Do you think I'm going to become the Kaiser again? Start building control spires and cross dressing again? Do you have so little faith in me or know me so little when you know me better than anyone?"

"And if I say yes? What then, Ken?"

"It's rude to answer a question with a question." The taller youth sighed and the wind ruffled his hair.

Daisuke looked away and felt big tears film up his eyes. He blinked rapidly to prevent them from escaping. "I don't know what you'd do. And I hate that."

"Are you afraid of me, Daisuke?"

"No," he responded without hesitation. "I'm afraid of what your capable of. Even when you were the Kaiser, I was never afraid of you. I envied you. I admired you. Maybe I even loved you, just a little bit. But I was never afraid of you. What about you?"

"What?" Ken frowned and looked down at his friend. "What do you mean?"

"Are you afraid of yourself?"

". . ."

// And I just can't hide my monster side,

My monster side,

And I can't control the loss I feel,

The loss I feel. //

The wind blew again, a bit harder now, and Ken's hair whipped around him, tangling in front of his eyes. Daisuke continued. "Can you really say that it would be different now? That it wouldn't matter now if you went back to what you were?"

"No. But I can't ever go back to being the Kaiser anymore than I can go back to being the child that I was. They're gone and past. Trying to be the Kaiser again would probably have the same effect as trying to be that little boy has had." He raised his arms and stared down at the white wraps around his forearms for a moment, a bemused expression on his face. "This whole year I think has just been today waiting to happen. If I've lived at all since the last battle with Belial Vandemon, I think that it was so that I could come to terms with this."

Dai snorted softly, a sound that would have been friendly and companionable in any other circumstances. "And you got it all in one night with Yama? He must be good."

Ken dropped his wrists and recoiled instantly. "Why are you making this so hard?!"

// I am the best there is

And so all there is hot air.//

"Because I don't want things to change!! I don't want you to change, or revert, or understand, or whatever the hell it is that's happened to you! I don't want things better or different! I don't want you not need me!" The olive skinned teen's eyes widened to the size of dinner cups and his jaw dropped open when he realized what he had said.

Ken stared at him for a moment and a terrible silence fell between them. Daisuke swallowed and looked away. "It's not about love, Ken," he whispered softly at last. "It's never been about love. I could have loved you; yeah, I could have loved you so much. Maybe I even did for a moment, just a little while . . . But we always had something more-something that was so much better. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you to Yamato or anyone else. I don't want to share."

Ken looked back out over the city and crossed his arms over his chest. "We've both been terribly selfish, haven't we?"

// Unfulfilled, I take it out on you

Because you care.//

The shorter boy looked up, startled. "Ken, you haven't been selfish-"

"Haven't I? Do you think that I ever did any of it for you guys? For my parents?" He shook his head. "After my little tumble from grace, I couldn't stand what I was-who I was. I didn't do my 180-degree turn around for you guys: I did it for me. Sure, I care about you guys," he looked down at Daisuke and his eyes seemed to glow, "I love you guys, all of you-but I still did it for me. I was afraid of myself, of what I was capable of." He shook his head. "It's actually a bit funny-one extreme or another with me. Perhaps it's time that who I was and who I will be find common ground."

Daisuke sighed. "You won't change your mind, then?" Then he frowned and shook his head. "No. Never mind. How could I ask you to change what's in your soul?"

A dark frown flitted over his companion's face. "I'm not going to turn into the Kaiser again, you know. I won't. Or maybe I will-without all the fucked up craziness, though." He shrugged. "I don't know. But I do know that I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm drowning in this shell, Dai. I need to breathe again."

"So what happens now?"

Ken closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. "I've been saying that for a long time now. To believe a fiction and live a lie or . . ." He opened his eyes and seemed for a moment to be searching inside himself for something. "Or . . . to be happy?" The youth paused, the last word lingering on his lips as he sampled the foreign taste of it in his mouth. "To be happy? I want to be happy, Daisuke."

"And what will everyone say?"

"If I cared what everyone would say, Dai, I wouldn't have let Yama screw my brains out last night when my parents are homophobes. So they'll talk. Let them. If everyone seems to think that my life is so damn interesting, let them talk. That's all it is. I've spent three years killing myself to be kind. Just because I've decided to stop doesn't mean that I'm going to become the epitome of cruelty again. Let them talk."

// Because I love you, I expect you to be there. //

Daisuke stared at his friend for a moment. "I could have loved you, Ichijouji Ken."

Ken stared back. "Do you care about me?"

"Yes."

"Then that's enough."

// I just can't hide my monster side,

My monster side,

(My monster side),

And I can't control the loss I feel

The loss I feel. //

They stared at one another a moment longer and then, with infinite tenderness, Daisuke leaned up and gently kissed Ken's bruised cheek. "Yeah." Ken wound his arms around Daisuke and the shorter boy rested his head on Ken's chest. Their hearts were beating in time. Suddenly the goggle boy let out a short bark of laughter. "But we would've been something to see, right? We would've been happy."

"I think . . ." The dark-haired teen drifted off pensively and pursed his lips. "I think we could have been happy in another life, Dai. Together, I mean. But not now-not in this one."

"And will you be happy with Yamato?"

"I shall be myself, Daisuke. And I shall be content."

// I can't abide my monster side,

My monster side,

(My monster side)--

But it's an animal I just can't ride,

I just can't ride.

I, animal. //

~ Fin ~

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Monster Side

By: Addict

I am young but a fool

I am stupid but uncool

I am kind but I'm weak

I can't turn the other cheek

All I wanted was to find a friend there then again

I just can't hide my monster side

My monster side

And I can't control the loss I feel

The loss I feel

If I had another chance

I would peacefully advance

But as I'm fated to be here

Resigned and ridden by my fear

I should love myself, my vanity loves someone else

And I just can't hide my monster side

My monster side

And I can't control the loss I feel

The loss I feel

I am the best there is

And so all there is hot air

Unfulfilled, I take it out on you

Because you care

Because I love you I expect you to be there

I just can't hide my monster side

My monster side

(My monster side)

And I can't control the loss I feel

The loss I feel

I can't abide my monster side

My monster side

(My monster side)

But it's an animal I just can't ride

I just can't ride

I animal

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