Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Unspeakable ❯ Untouchable Words ( Chapter 3 )

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Unspeakable
Chapter 3: Untouchable Words


They were all gone. Left me alone with nothing but my thoughts.

I couldn't be more grateful.

My mother's sister called and told her to come into the country for the day. Not really feeling in the mood to go, I attempted wiggling out of it, but with no avail. Taichi sensed the need for solitude and told our mother that I had a special report to do for our biology class, which she had accepted. So here I was, sitting in the bottom of my bunk, sipping a bottle of whiskey and thinking of nothing but my brother.

His deep brown eyes, overpowering with love and care. His wild brown hair, proving he has an untamed nature within. I couldn't help but wonder what he would be like in bed. Caring and gentle or untamed and wild. Two completely different sets of aspects that made such a difference, yet belonged to the same person.

Inhaling deeply, I screamed outloud. Screamed until my lungs hurt and I realized it was going to affect my singing if I continued. The thoughts I have were considered dirty, forbidden and sinful--everything my mother and father raised us children not to be. And here I was, having the most peculiar thoughts about my own brother.

It's like that story with the character Oedipus, who slept with his mother unknowingly and killed his father in the same ignorance. He also had children with his mother. Except, unlike him, he was sorry for what he had done. He was ignorant in his actions. I, however, want to sleep with my brother.

If someone were to try converting me to Catholicism, I would have to laugh, for I no longer carry my virginity. I've had a boyfriend before, who I slept with; he broke up with me the very next day. There had been so much pain when that occurred, so much misery that I could not merely keep it a secret. I was embarrassed beyond all reason when I had told Taichi, who had comforted me as I cried upon his shoulder. He then looked in my eyes and told me that it wasn't my fault and that it was the jerk who did that to me. Of course I see that now, but at the time, I relied on Taichi for support. And when he looked in my eyes, I felt something else there.

Love. A different kind of love I usually felt from him. I suddenly saw him in a different way; suddenly wanted to see the body under his clothes, although I had before, but for a different reason. I wanted to kiss Taichi.

That was when it first began, which was four months ago. Each day, the feelings and urges grew a little more, almost to the point where it was unbearable to control them. I failed to, though, the night of my unfavorable playing that cost us the record deal. It occurred two weeks ago, but every feeling when I kissed him was fresh in my mind. The emotions of feeling his soft lips upon my own, my hands cupping his warm cheeks in place, and the feeling of his own hands placing themselves on my shoulders sent me chills every time I thought about it.

Sighing, I stood and wandered into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water. Realizing that screaming isn't the best way to let out frustration, I located my bass guitar when going back into my room. I hadn't touched it since the night of our recent gig, finding myself with a hovering guilt every moment I laid eyes upon the instrument. However, the need for my fingers to strum was too overwhelming for me to just give up on it. I set down my water and picked up the worn instrument.

It exhibited a deep scratch on the side from a time Hikari had knocked it off Taichi's top bunk, and a chip off the wood from Taichi one time, mistaking it for a wood carving.

Many didn't believe it when I told them, but Taichi liked to carve wood. We have a few things around the bedroom of his creation. Animals, little sceneries etched into flat rocks, and even a few dwarf looking people. None of those were my favorite. One sat on the nightstand next to our bunk bed. It was a beautiful light wood, most likely obtained from an oak or birch tree. It was a carving of my guitar. It was much smaller than my actual bass guitar, of course, but it was still there, seemingly a reminder of his compassion in understanding my music. It was a hope. A warm feeling that he was there for me, in a way none else could be.

Perhaps it had to do with my feelings toward him.

I sighed and leaned against the wall of where I sat on my bed, clutching my bass guitar very loosely, for no one was around to cause a stern protectiveness to wash upon me. Unaware of how tired I really was, I closed my eyes in thinking I was to rest them for a few minutes, only to fall into a deep slumber with the early afternoon sun poking its way into my room.

***

A smile subconsciously proceeded onto my face as I groaned at the touch of warm hands against my sides. Feeling quite pleasant, I opened my eyes to find Taichi standing above me. His hands left my body and he stole a seat on the chair at our desk that is hardly used.

"Morning sleepyhead."

"It's morning?" I asked, yawning as I stretched my arms and moved aside my guitar. As I placed it onto the floor, Taichi snorted.

"No. It's evening now. I think someone is making us dinner."

"Always thinking about food," I said, laughing absentmindedly.

He smiled warmly and said, "I have something for you."

"Ugh. Please don't tell me it's another ugly orange sweater from Aunt Haruka!"

Taichi laughed and shook his head. "Thankfully, no. Although, when I was fetching something she had requested, I noticed brown yarn coming out of her basket."

My nose innately wrinkled and I placed my hand out. "May I please just have whatever you brought me?"

Nodding, he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two white tubes, tossing one to me. I caught it, holding it to my chest and exhaling deeply. "Thank you," I whispered.

I opened my eyes to see his smile of understanding as he lit his and tossed me the lighter. As I sparked my own, he got up and opened the window so that we wouldn't be caught because of the smell. There had been too many times where we were almost caught… One too many for the both of our likings.

Inhaling the gift, I fixed my eyes on Taichi, who seemed to be fighting himself to say something. When achieving the courage, he asked, "So who was the song dedicated to?"

"Why do you ask?" Despite having the little wonder of harmony, an anxious rock hit the pit of my stomach, causing me to tremble slightly.

"Because Koushiro and Sora asked me to ask you," he said. As if knowing it was him, he tilted his head and said, "Or is it something unspeakable?"

"Unspeakable," I said instantly, grateful that he answered his own question.

"Shun left a message, probably after you fell asleep. He's probably requesting a threesome again."

"He's much too wild for his own good," I said, noting Taichi agreeing with me.

For a few moments, a silence reigned as we both continued relinquishing our cigarettes. His body slouched forward, resting on his knees, all but patting the ashes into a tin can. I was just allowing mine to fall onto my bed, keeping in mind to clean it up later.

"Tell me what's eating you."

I glanced up at the unexpected request, wondering where to start. I always did have Taichi to listen whilst I spoke. He was there for me in so many different ways…

"I ruined it on Saturday. It was my fault."

"Oh Yamato, we've been over this already. It's not your fault." Taichi, sighing for reasons I was unsure of, stood and put out the worn cigarette. "Besides, I don't think that's all that's on your mind."

"What do you know?" I snapped, taking the cigarette out of my mouth and holding it to the side. "I have guilt every time I lay my eyes upon my bass."

"Even so, I still know there's something else."

"It's unspeakable. Remember?" My tone was full of dull remorse and the fact that my eyes were drooping probably made it look as if I was going to cry.

"So, what's on your mind is the person that you sung for." He began pacing. If he had a pipe, he would have looked like one of those great nineteenth century detectives.

"When did you become so smart?" I asked, still using the lifeless tone of voice. I really surprised myself by using this tone, for it really did sound heartbreaking. I wasn't one to judge myself on this normally, but this was too strong not to notice.

"For being so smart, you can be really stupid," he said. Laughing at his own joke, he began grinning wildly at me.

All I could do was burst into tears.

Taichi rushed to the foot of the bed, kneeling in front of it. He took away the cigarette so that it wouldn't drop out of my fingers mistakenly and burn anything, setting it off to the side as doing so. After finishing that, he climbed onto the bed and wedged himself into the corner, against two walls. My eyes were blurry, but enough to see him motioning me to sit in between his legs. I did so, leaning into his loving embrace as he began rocking me back and forth.

For what seemed hours, Taichi cradled me against his body. Soothing. It was the word to describe my emotion as he did this.

Taichi not only stole my heart, but he tamed it.

***

The moon shone its beams through our bedroom window. There hadn't been any dinner for us, so Taichi and I stayed in here, curled up for endless hours. We still were, except we both stripped down into our boxers so that it would be more of comfortable night.

As I shifted into a more favorable position, Taichi's hand moved so that it was resting on my crotch. I gulped, unsure of what to do. Needless to say, the hand felt nice there… Gave that beloved warm feeling in the groin. I groaned, not only in pleasure, but in an annoyance. I was becoming extremely aroused and this wasn't the best time. I hadn't been in a relationship for months, nor masturbated in a few weeks. The testosterone levels must have risen, for I was now panting and gasping for breath. It ached and I wanted nothing more than to reach down and touch, but I was leaning on Taichi as he slept…

Glancing down, it dawned on me that the tent showing through my boxers needed attention.

I leaned comfortably against Taichi before I slipped my hand into my boxers, beginning to stroke softly. Naturally, I began pretending it was Taichi bringing me to ecstasy, but trying not to allow the fantasy to escape too loudly from my lips.

"Shit," I whispered, repeating it over and over again.

I began thrusting into my hand, hardly pausing when Taichi shifted once more. Just as I thought I was going to come, I felt my hand being pried away from my erection. At first, nothing filled me except for disappointment. I was so close… Then, I realized something else. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Taichi was wide awake. My chest tightened when I realized my brother caught me masturbating.

He did something most unexpectedly.

Reaching into my boxers, he picked up where I had left off before. Stroking me gently and then picking up speed… then reducing it to a slow speed and taking off hastily once more… It was a repeated motion, bringing me over the top a few minutes later. I felt guilty once my seed covered his hand, but he said nothing as he eased me off of him, stood up, grabbed a towel that was hanging on the door, and wiped the sticky mess off his hand.

I cursed softly, glancing up at my brother. "This isn't normal," I whispered.

Taichi said nothing and eased himself into the same position he had been before. Simply exhausted, I laid against him once again, beginning to lose myself to sleep.

"We'll talk about it in the morning," Taichi said.

It was the last thing I heard before falling into a deep, troubled sleep. Yet, I was satisfied.

End of Chapter 3.