Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ What If It's You? ❯ Chapter 1

What If It's You?

Yagami Taichi swiped at the itch on his cheek in a preoccupied manner as he tapped the pink, odd-shaped eraser on the wood of his desk thoughtfully. Grunting in exasperation, he screwed up the piece of A4 lined paper that was lying mockingly on the desk in front of him; blank, save for the many half-visible lines of words that had been violently rubbed out.

He grinned in spite of himself as he realised how stupid he was being. The twenty-six year old holder of the Crest of Courage was frightened of writing a letter. Mind you - it wasn't exactly your average letter.

(I've got something to tell you

That I just can't say

So I'm writing it down

In case maybe, someday… )

Taichi sighed through pursed lips, and tilted his head back, gazing at the ceiling as if he hoped it would know the right words to say…when you try to say something like this…something a few hours ago he would never have thought he'd be doing.

(Our lives take a turn down a road

We can't see, right now)

"Okay," he murmured, matter-of-factly, needing to clear his thoughts. He scratched at the back of his head, dislodging a few flakes of dry skin from the patch of psoriasis that had suddenly appeared there; from stress, according to the doctor. Still desperately seeking inspiration, Taichi gazed around at the framed photographs on his desk and various pieces of furniture in his bedroom.

He smiled and reached for the nearest picture, which was of his friend, Koushiro, and his beloved younger sister, Hikari. He analysed the picture carefully, and calculated that they must have been 16 and 13 years of age, respectively. Koushiro was holding a game console controller limply in his hand, and sweatdropping as an irately concerned Hikari was most probably berating him for playing such a violent game.

Taichi smiled; he hadn't seen his sister in a while, with her being busy at a teachers collage in central Tokyo. Taichi smiled as he replaced the picture, then leant far back on his desk chair to check that Agumon was still dozing on the sofa in the next room. He was.

Taichi rose from his chair, and walked the short distance across the room, coming to a decisive stop in front of a large, expensively framed picture, hanging on proud display on the wall. The picture was one of a large group of youths; fourteen in fact; all ranging from the age of 19 to the age of 12. Across the bottom of the picture sat 15 strange animal-like creatures, but that wasn't what Taichi was interested in.

Reverting to his sighing state, Taichi smeared a thumbprint on the glass as he circled the face of a laughing girl, standing sideways in the picture in-between a younger Taichi and a blonde boy who was staring in a smirking fashion at the camera.

"I can't believe it's lasted so long…" Taichi finally said, quietly.

(I know you're happy

And I'm happy for you…)

Was he talking about the relationship between Yamato and Sora? Or was he talking about the infatuating feeling he had harboured for his best friend for years? Well they had both lasted almost unbearably long, but his feelings, longer than the 'relationship'. He didn't even know anymore; when had things started getting so confusing?

(But since you two found each other

I've been so confused)

Yeah okay - she had been his best friend since like, ever; but Taichi didn't see the point in denying that even as a young teenager he had taken more than a passing interest in the slender girl. He would have gladly slobbered all over his feet should she start making romantic advances.

But he didn't want to 'push it'. He didn't think that his feelings were strong enough to risk their friendship himself. He was interested, as any testosterone driven, teenaged boy would have been, but he wasn't sure. And for some reason that just made all the difference.

(Cos I believe there's one soul on this earth

That was meant for mine

That I am here to find)

And now, as Taichi turned the smooth, cream envelope with its gilded edges over and over in his sweating hands, he felt… well, he didn't know how he felt. He didn't think that these irrational thoughts stemmed from jealousy; that he had only begun to fall in love - whatever that meant - with Sora after she started dating Yamato. Was all this just from a text book case of wanting everything that his rival, Yamato, had?

No, it couldn't be. He had made peace with Yamato a long time ago, and held no resentment to him over this. The only person he hadn't forgiven was himself.

Why hadn't he stopped her from going in to see Yamato that night at the concert? It would have been so easy just to draw her into a discussion about something important, or even to announce that he was mad at her - maybe that would have stalled her; maybe so much that she was too late to meet with Yamato, and they never got together…

But even if he had done that, he told himself, it was only a matter of time. That would have only been postponing the inevitable; because it seem that Yamato and Sora were very keen on this relationship. After all, it had lasted over ten years now. And after all, it was an invitation to their wedding packed in the ivory and cream envelope in his grasp.

(What if it's you?

What if our hearts are meant to be one?)

This simple, cream envelope raised so many questions - what would happen to him if the whole concept about 'soul-mates' was true? Would he ever find someone to share his life with? Or if he did, would he be forever wondering whether he would have been happier with Sora at his side and in his arms?

(And what'll I do?

Knowing that I'll never love anyone

As much as I love you?)

It was easy enough to tell himself he was being stupid, that lots of people had multiple spouses and loved each of them the same. That raised the previous issue once more, about whether or not he truly loved her, and whether it was worth risking the happiness of her, Yamato and himself.

(What if I do?

What'll I do)

Then again, it wasn't as if he could find another woman with whom he had shared so much - and he wasn't even talking about their misadventures in the Digital World; Sora had, really been his best friend throughout his whole life. She was the only woman he could ever jump on, ruffle up her hair, and then teasingly threaten to show pictures of her naked in his paddling pool aged four to the whole world.

(If destiny called me

But I missed my cue

Do I get one more chance?

Oh how I wish I knew)

Taichi didn't want to go to the wedding. And that was the understatement of the year. He had to deal with them being together for the past ten years, but the union of 'marriage' made it seem so official - no turning back. He'd even heard rumours - granted, probably not true as they were from Miyako - that Sora was pregnant.

And now, as the best man, you might say he had an obligation to go. Go to the wedding of the girl he loved. The girl who had always seemed to shimmer in the corner of his eye, and had always seemed to beckon him from some inaccessible place. And now he had to go and watch her be joined to Yamato, in heart, soul, mind and body, with a golden band, a garble of words and a few scrawled signatures - one of them his - in a book.

He was signing her away.

(I'll never again put my heart

In the hands of fate

If it's too late)

Taichi flopped onto his bed, raising his arm to push back his fringe. He stared up at the ceiling, his face set in a grimace as his head pounded with a migraine. He wasn't going to be weak and cry, but he felt so utterly lost. Nothing seemed the same, thanks to that ivory and cream envelope still clutched in his sweating grasp.

Thoughts and feelings crashed around him, as he lay drowning in a sea of emotion, too drained and unhappy to get up and save himself.

(What if it's you?

What if our hearts are meant to be one?

And what'll I do?

Knowing that I'll never love anyone

As much as I do…

Love you)

Sora would never have done this to me if she knew how I feel, he thought spitefully.

But… niggled a voice in his subconscious. Sora wouldn't be doing this if she didn't love Yamato with all her heart, soul, mind and body; if she didn't feel like she wanted to spend the rest of her life in his arms and bearing his children.

And Taichi, if she loved you, with all her heart, soul, mind and body; if she wanted to cherish you, through sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer for poorer till death did you part… then it would be Yama-kun getting this envelope, and it would be him getting ready to be the best man at your wedding to Sora.

(What can I do?

I think that it's you)

"I love her," Taichi whispered to the silence. "It's not fair."

(If I ever get to hold you

I'll never let you go

But if I never get the chance to…

Then how will I ever know…

If it's you?)

Falling out of love is hard to do. But for a resigned Taichi, there was no other option.

For in the silence, he realised that he loved her. And he loved her so much, that he wanted to make her as happy as she ever could be. He wanted her to be so happy with Yamato, that he became just a memory and a warm feeling in her heart.

(And there is one thing

That I want you to know

Before I say my goodbye)

Taichi stood up, and walked to his desk once more, contemplating the piece of paper that he had hoped would hold his ultimate love letter to Sora, halting the wedding instantly and making her run to his arms.

He always was the dreaming type.

He sat down at the desk, and began to write.

(Just remember

Whatever I may do)

Dearest Sora;

I received the invitation in the mail this morning - congratulations!

I am honoured that Yama-kun has chosen me as his best man, yet slightly surprised that it was not Takeru - I have a feeling you had something to do with it!

I will do my best Sora-chan, I promise I won't lose the rings or anything, as long as you promise I won't have to wear a hideous suit!

Seriously Sora, you're my favourite person in the whole world, and I love you very much. I hope you find a happiness that's as everlasting in your marriage.

Love, Taichi

XXX

(And wherever my heart leads me

There will always be a place there

For you)

Taichi placed the piece of paper in a standard and ordinary, white office envelope. His heart felt heavy as he sealed the flap; he wasn't sealing a letter, he was sealing away his feelings.

But his hand did not shake as he wrote the address onto the envelope: Ishida Sora.

Be happy, Sora, he thought, as he replaced the pen in the pencil-holder. You deserve it - even if it's not with me.

(Because it's you…)