Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Dark Heart ❯ A Conversation With God ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter 5: A Conversation With God

Well, you see, Willard, in this war, things get confused out there.

Power, ideals, the old morality, and practical military necessity.

But out there with these natives, it must be a temptation to be God.

Because the rational and the irrational, between good and evil.

And good does not always triumph.

Sometimes, the dark side overcomes what Lincoln called the better angels of our nature.

Every man has got a breaking point.

You have and I have them.

Walter Kurtz has reached his.

And, very obviously, he has gone insane.

[General Corman; “Apocalypse Now”]

Bulma landed her plane on The Lookout as softly as she could, she quickly looked down at her son and she gratefully noticed that he hadn't woken up.

She got out of the vehicle and she looked around her. To her surprise, Mr. Popo and Dende were already waiting for her. In the distance, on the other side of the magical place, she saw a tall figure which she quickly identified as Piccolo.

The woman started walking towards them and she saw that both the young God and Popo were smiling kindly at her, she smiled back as she joined them.

“Dende! How are you?” she asked cheerfully.

“I am well Bulma. I hope you are doing well yourself”, the young Namekian replied.

Bulma nodded and she put on her bravest face.

“Things are going quite well Dende, thanks for asking”. She then turned to Mr. Popo and she nodded her head politely. The young deity's assistant nodded back in return and he looked at Trunks with a gentle smile.

“Would you like some tea, Miss Bulma?”, Popo asked.

“Oh, um, sure... That would be lovely. Thank you”.

“This way, please…”

Dende and Mr. Popo walked slowly towards the main building, with the blue haired woman following closely behind. When they arrived, they entered a room that was almost empty, except for a sofa and a small coffee table.

“Please, take a seat”, Dende asked her politely.

Bulma sat on the couch, still cuddling her sleeping child in her arms. Despite the kindness the two men were showing her, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable and a tad nervous. She had a bad feeling, like a knot in her stomach, but she couldn't put her finger on why. All she knew was that this wasn't a courtesy visit.

The young God took a deep breath and he looked at her.

“First of all, I would like to apologize for the trouble we are putting you through. I know you are a very busy woman and I'm sure you have many other things to do,” he said shyly. Bulma looked at him and she smiled again. It was hard to believe that this young man was the Guardian of the Earth now. She could still remember her first impression of him when they first met on Namek, how small and frightened he'd looked back then, and now here he was, holding a position of great importance and seemingly doing a great job at it so far. She wasn't surprised Dende had become great friends with Gohan, since they were both young boys whose experiences, so early in life, had made them wise beyond their years.

“It's OK Dende,” she replied. “I'm sure there's a good reason for my presence here, am I right?”

He nodded his head solemnly, while he stared at the floor, and Bulma felt her chest constrict a little. So, she was right, there was something wrong going on, and judging by the person that had called her, it must have been something big.

“Bulma, I have called you in here today because this morning…”

Suddenly Mr. Popo entered the room, interrupting their conversation. He was carrying a tray with a teapot and two cups. He efficiently served his Master and their guest and, when he was done, he looked at the purple haired baby once again.

“Miss Bulma, would you like me to watch your child for you while you're having your discussion with Dende?” he asked courteously.

Bulma looked at him for a second, dumbfounded, she looked at the young God almost in question and he nodded.

“Um, alright. Sure… But I'm afraid Trunks has been a bit clingy lately and maybe he won't take it too well…”

Both men looked at each other mysteriously, as if they knew something she didn't know, and Bulma felt herself getting more nervous by the minute.

Popo slowly extended his arms towards her and she gently tried to pass the baby to him, softly trying to open the tiny fists that were fiercely clutching her shirt. To her surprise, it worked.

Popo smiled at her again as he held the boy in his arms.

“Don't worry Miss Bulma. I'll take good care of your son”.

The scientist looked at him for a minute, still wondering how was it possible that Trunks hadn't wanted to be held by her mother and yet, somehow, he'd trusted this mysterious man. She quickly smiled and she explained to him how there was a diaper bag in her plane where he could find a couple of bottles of milk in case her baby woke up.

“Do not concern yourself with such matters Miss Bulma. Everything will be alright”.

Mr. Popo left the room with the baby in his arms and Bulma turned back to Dende. She was shocked to see the young man fidgeting, looking even more nervous than she was.

She took a deep breath and she put a hand on top of one of his.

“Dende, please, what's going on?” she asked anxiously.

The young God put his other hand on top of Bulma's and he proceeded to talk again as he kept staring at the ground.

“Bulma, this morning I had a conversation with King Kai.” There was a brief pause before he continued.

“You know who he is, don't you?”

“He is one of the other Gods, right? The one who trained Goku when he went to Other World for the first time”.

Dende nodded.

“Yes, you are correct. We… We talk sometimes…”, the young boy spoke slowly, almost as if he were trying to choose his words carefully.

“We converse about all sorts of topics. You see Bulma, I know what a great responsibility I have been given, and I want to do my very best to prove that I deserve such a great honor...”

“I'm sure you are doing a great job, Dende. We are very lucky to have you here on Earth”, Bulma said sweetly.

The young Namekian blushed slightly and he continued.

“I communicate with several Gods actually, they… They share their knowledge with me; I have learned so much about the mysteries of the Universe Bulma. So many things I… I never thought…”

He paused again while the blue haired woman listened closely to him. She frowned slightly and she noticed that the young deity seemed to feel overwhelmed about the vast knowledge that had recently been revealed to him; her curious scientific mind couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy and wonder, but at the same time, she knew that there were certain things that a mere human like her was not supposed to know.

“So, what did King Kai talk to you about?” she said, eagerly to finally find out exactly why she'd been invited to The Lookout.

“We… He… He told me…”

Bulma squeezed his hand tightly.

“What is it Dende? You can tell me anything. I won't tell anyone I promise!”

He took a deep breath and he looked her directly in the eye.

“Vegeta”.

Bulma's eyes widened and she gasped softly. She could feel her lower lip tremble at the mere mention of the warrior's name and she took a few seconds to swallow the lump in her throat and compose herself.

Dende looked at her in understanding, patiently waiting until she felt ready to continue their conversation. He patted her hand lightly, he let go of it and he took the cup of tea that laid completely forgotten on the table, silently offering it to her.

Bulma took the cup, privately cursing herself for her shaky hands. She was a proud woman after all, and a part of her felt deeply ashamed about the fact that the mere mention of the Saiyan's name provoked such a reaction from her. She drank a sip of the warm drink and she left it on the table. She took a deep, shaky breath and she looked into Dende's eyes again.

“Wha-What about him?”, she asked nervously.

“It has been a month since he left the Earth, has it not?”

Bulma sighed.

“A month and five days…” she replied sadly, deep down embarrassed about the fact that she had been counting the days with such precision.

Dende nodded again.

“Bulma, I know… I know that he didn't say goodbye to you but… Did he…? Did he ever tell you anything about his plans for the…? For the future?”

Bulma shook her head softly.

“I'm afraid not. Vegeta…” She sighed again. “Vegeta was a mystery to me in many… In many ways…” She spoke shakily, trying to fight her emotions but losing the battle anyway.

This time, it was the young God's turn to sigh.

“Bulma, the Gods of the Universe, well, we… We try not to interfere on the events and situations that take place in it unless it's… Well, unless it's absolutely necessary”.

Bulma nodded in understanding.

“Bulma, I need to ask you a question and I need you to be completely honest with me. You have my word, on my Honor, that whatever information you share with me will not leave this room…”

The scientist looked at him expectantly, awaiting his question.

“Do you think…? Do you think that Vegeta is an evil man?”

Bulma was shocked by the question, and she sat there, blinking in confusion for a moment. Finally, she closed her eyes and shook her head in a frustrated manner.

“Honestly, Dende? I don't know how to answer that question…” She paused, trying to sort out her own thoughts before she continued. “I know… I know that he has done evil deeds. I have heard a few details about his past here and there and I, I sort of connected the dots and, well… I am sure that he has done terrible things, especially while he was under Frieza's service”.

Dende nodded.

“That is correct.”

He remained quiet, waiting for her to continue expressing her thoughts, it was almost as if he only wanted to hear her point of view on the matter, almost as if her opinion about the Saiyan were the only opinion that truly mattered.

“On the other hand…” She let out another shaky breath. “On the other hand… Oh Dende! I really don't know what to believe anymore, you know? I saw a side of him that… It really made me believe there was a good man in there, somewhere.”

The young God remained quiet, allowing her to reach her own conclusions.

“I… I'm sure you know about what happened with Mirai Trunks”.

Dende nodded.

“Vegeta attacked Cell after he had attacked the future version of your son”.

“Apparently, it was more than that Dende. I have been told that he lost his mind, that he actually felt such fury at the sight of our… Our dead son that… That he couldn't take it…”

She paused again, trying to control the tears that were already burning her eyes.

“Tell me Dende. Can an evil man love his own child so much?”

He looked at her silently, battling his own thoughts and asking himself how involved he should really get in the situation. Kai had advised him to talk to Bulma but to tell her as little as possible, but now he could see the poor woman was still extremely confused and completely unaware about the true extent of her lover's feelings towards her and their son.

He exhaled deeply and he decided to give her a little push…

“Alright Bulma, here's what I believe. I believe there's good and evil in every one of us, but that… That when we're born…” He shook his head, trying to make some sense of his ideas. “I think that when we're born, we are fundamentally good”.

Bulma listened carefully to the young man.

“I do not know too much about the Saiyan race. What I do know is that they were a warrior race but… Well, let's just say that they weren't born to do what Frieza forced them to do.”

He looked at her and he softly asked her, “Did Vegeta ever tell you what he did under Frieza's service?”

She nodded.

“He mentioned something about purging planets in Frieza's name.” She paused. “I recall Vegeta's face when he talked about it and I got the feeling that he was disgusted by it”.

“You are, once again, correct. I think warriors find it shameful to kill people indiscriminately, especially weaker races that can't even defend themselves properly. Saiyans believed that the honor was in the fight itself, and the harder the battle the better, because then, when they won, they felt they had earned their victory”.

Bulma remained quiet, silently agreeing with the young man.

“I believe it is very possible that Vegeta was born with the instinct of a warrior, but not necessarily with the mind of a monster like Frieza was…”

The woman cringed at the idea of Dende, of anyone, comparing Vegeta to that horrendous creature, and she couldn't help but defend her man.

“Of course, there's a difference! There has to be!”

Dende nodded, inwardly pleased at her protective reaction towards the Saiyan Prince. Perhaps there was still hope for them…

“I know Bulma. I was there on Namek, remember?”

Bulma was now staring at him, her eyes still burning with unshed tears, but still angry about what the Namekian had said before.

“I am sure I do not know your mate as well as you do, but I can assure you that the man that I saw when he arrived at my old planet and the man that ended up dying there at the hands of Frieza were two different people.”

There was another pause as Dende took a sip of his own drink. Then, he cleared his throat and he continued.

“I had already died by the time Frieza killed Vegeta, but even before that happened, I was able to witness a glimpse of humanity inside of him.” He looked at her. “Why do you think that happened, Bulma?”

Bulma stared at him, shocked by the question. How would she know? She wasn't even there! She'd spent most of her time on Namek completely alone, abandoned by her friends while they were away doing whatever the hell they had to do…

The young God seemed to have read her frustrated thoughts and he proceeded to explain himself.

“I know you weren't there to witness the battles Bulma, but what I'm trying to make you understand is that nobody knows Vegeta like you do”.

She couldn't help but laugh a little at that affirmation; a small, desperate laugh. The day she understood Vegeta would be the day Hell froze over… She looked at Dende again, waiting for him to continue, but the young man remained silent.

She sighed and shook her head, finally realizing that he was trying to tell her as little as possible and that she would be the one that would have to try to find out exactly what was happening here.

“Alright,” she exhaled loudly. “If you want me to guess, which is all I can do when it comes to Vegeta anyway…” She paused, deep in thought. “I'd say that that final battle on Namek really changed him, and I'm pretty sure that it happened even before Frieza killed him.”

She took another sip of her tea and she continued, holding the warm cup in her cold hands.

“Vegeta never talked about that battle, but Krillin and Gohan shared some of their stories with me when we came back from Namek. I think… I think it was probably the first time Vegeta had fought alongside friends… I mean, I know he had fought with Nappa and Goku's brother before, but…”

“Nappa and Raditz weren't technically his friends though,” Dende said, interrupting her.

“What?”

“I was saying that those two men weren't really Vegeta's friends, they were his royal subjects, so their loyalty towards him probably came from their honor, from their obligation to serve the Prince of their race, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they were his true friends.”

Bulma nodded, her heart breaking a little at the thought of Vegeta spending all of those years alone, joined only by two brutes that probably didn't care much about him as a person anyway.

“And then you came along…”

“Me?”

“Yes Bulma. You came along and you invited him into your home, did you not?”

She nodded with a melancholic smile on her face; what the hell had she been thinking? It was her own fault that she had ended up in this situation, broken hearted and alone…

Dende continued.

“Why did you do it, Bulma? I must admit, I would have never invited a man like Vegeta into my own home.”

She sighed and she looked at him.

“Honestly? There were a lot of reasons, I guess… I had invited you guys to live with me, so I thought it wouldn't be too, um, polite, not to invite him as well…” She laughed apprehensively. “Also, I guess I felt a bit sorry for him; he was all alone, with no place to go… I don't know…” She shook her head once again. “I don't know what I was thinking…”

There was another pause and she finally turned to Dende with a determined look on her face.

“Dende please, you must tell me what is happening here. Is Vegeta alright? To be honest, I don't understand why you're asking me all of these questions… I just…”

“He's out there Bulma.” He looked at her intensely. “He's out there, and he is lost”.

“L-Lost? I don't underst…”

“He is not alone right now”

Bulma's eyes widened at Dende's words, and she couldn't help but feel a sharp pain in her stomach; Vegeta, her Vegeta, wasn't alone?

The deity must have felt that the blue haired woman was about to get the wrong idea, so he quickly continued.

“He's with a group of men. They're his men.”

He paused.

“Bulma, do you recall the first battle on Earth? When Vegeta fought Goku?”

She nodded.

“Can you guess what Vegeta's plans had been at the time?”

She shook her head nervously; she was staring at the floor now, shaking, with those tears about to spill…

“I… I don't know Dende… I… I hadn't even met him yet back then… I guess he wanted to be the strongest, you know how he is… I suppose that has always been his obsession: strength and power and… I… I guess back then he probably just wanted to kill Frieza and take his place and…”

Bulma suddenly stopped talking and she looked at Dende, a frantic desperation in her eyes.

`No'

`No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…'

She was panicking, openly crying now…

“Is… Is that what he's doing Dende? Has he taken Frieza's place?”

The Namekian gently grabbed her shoulders and he looked into her eyes, trying to remain as calm as he could.

“Calm down, Bulma, that hasn't happened.” He paused, and then he looked to the side. “Not yet.”

Bulma softly removed his arms from her shoulders and she took the young man's hands into hers. She looked at him and she noticed he was avoiding her gaze now. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, and she continued.

“Y-You… You said not yet. Does that mean…? Does that mean he hasn't d-done anything yet?”

Dende looked at her again.

“I will not lie to you Bulma; some blood has already been shed.”

“W-Whose blood? Dende please!” She was yelling nervously now, and she felt as if she was going to lose her mind any minute now…

“We could…” He stopped. “We could say that it wasn't innocent blood. Not yet anyway…”

Those words made Bulma feel a tinge of relief.

“Whose blood was it then?”

“Did Vegeta ever tell you what he did when he went into space looking for Goku?”

Bulma nodded in understanding. So, that's what it was!

“I recall asking him about it back then, and he said he'd been getting rid of some of Frieza's men. Is that what he's doing Dende?” She asked with a hopeful voice.

`That wouldn't be so bad', she thought. Through Vegeta's words in the past, she'd gotten the impression that there was some chaos in space now that Frieza was gone, and maybe her Prince was just trying to get rid of some of Frieza's men. Deep down, she felt grateful that he had, since she was sure those guys were scum anyway and the Universe would be a safer place without them.

Dende nodded, but unlike Bulma, he didn't seem to believe that such actions were a positive sign.

“Bulma”, he said, “I must ask you again if you believe that Vegeta is an evil man”.

Bulma wiped the tears from her eyes, she took a deep breath and she looked at him.

“No. I know he isn't. I can't explain why or how Dende but… I know, deep in my heart that he's not an evil man”.

“Then I must ask you Bulma, if a man without a truly and completely evil heart tried to take the place of an evil monster, what would that do to him?”

Bulma looked at Dende, slowly pondering that question, and then it hit her.

It would destroy him.

If a man that wasn't truly evil tried to do the job of an evil man, there would only be two possibilities for him and his future: he would either end up becoming an evil person himself or his mind wouldn't be able to withstand it.

It would break him.

And the image of the warrior's eyes, looking at her during that last night spent together told her that he had already been halfway there before he had even abandoned the planet.

“Dende”, she said, almost whispering now, as if she were sharing a secret with the young God, “Do you think Vegeta is trying to become evil?”

The boy looked at her and he shrugged.

“Bulma, I honestly do not know whether he's attempting to become evil or whether he actually believes himself to be evil. All I know is…”

He sighed in despair and he paused again.

“Vegeta… Vegeta's had a hard life Bulma. During my conversation with King Kai this morning I… I learned a few things about him that surprised me. I was able to comprehend a lot of the things he has done in the past, and I'm actually shocked that he hasn't done much worse.”

Bulma kept listening, and she could feel her eyes begin to burn again. She knew her Prince had had a difficult life, but she didn't know the true extent of the abuse he'd suffered, especially during his youngest years spent by Frieza's side. Who knew what that vile creature had done to him.

“He's strong Bulma. I believe he's a strong man, not only physically but mentally as well. However, the mind has its limits Bulma, and the mind can only take so much before it breaks, and once it does, it's very hard to put the pieces back together.” The young boy shook his head gently. “Very hard…” he repeated, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“What should we do Dende? Do you think there's anything we can do?”

The young boy looked into her eyes again and he asked her the definitive question.

“Bulma, do you love him?”

She stared at Dende, shocked by the boldness of that question.

Love.

What a word…

Love wasn't a word she'd used often in her life, particularly when it came to describing her relationship with her Saiyan Prince.

Love…

There had been times when, in the dark, as they lay together in bed after their heated lovemaking sessions, she had told him that she loved him. He'd never once reciprocated the sentiment but, at the same time, there had been little gestures that had told her that maybe, maybe he actually did feel something towards her. After her declarations of love, she would see a sparkle in his eyes, or the fingers of the hands that were embracing her clutch a bit tighter, possessively, as if he were trying to tell her that he loved her too.

Of course, given her current circumstances, Bulma was really starting to believe that it had all been in her head, that Vegeta had never truly loved her, that she had just been a pastime to him, just a warm and eager body to comfort him at night after his grueling daily training sessions. After all, he had abandoned her, hadn't he? He'd left a woman and a son in order to go on some crazy quest for power, or whatever the fuck it was he was doing out there in space.

But right now, in front of the Guardian of Earth himself, Bulma had to be completely honest and admit the truth.

“Yes”, she whispered shyly, “I love him Dende. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life, except for my baby…”

“Then you must help him”.

She looked at him and she smiled sadly.

“Dende, I'm afraid you overestimate my importance in Vegeta's life”.

“And I believe you're underestimating it, Bulma”, he replied confidently.

The blue haired woman was quiet for a minute, trying to assimilate all the information that had been revealed to her.

“Even if…” she exhaled in frustration, “Even if I wanted to help him, how…? How could I possibly do that?”

“You must find him Bulma, and you must bring him back. I believe that, if anyone can reach his mind, and his heart, that would be you”.

She laughed.

This was insane.

He was insane.

“I can't just go into space! I have a child, Dende! Also, I wouldn't even know what to do or where to look for or… or… What I would actually do to convince him to come back even if I found him…”

The young God shook his head, disappointed in her lack of confidence.

“Come on Bulma! Think! Kai told me you're actually responsible for some wonderful achievements! Didn't you create the Dragon Ball radar that found the Dragon Balls countless times, thus saving so many people's lives? Didn't you build the Gravity Room that enabled Goku to get stronger and to defeat our enemies back on Namek? And what about the time machine that allowed Mirai Trunks to come back and save all of us?”

Bulma listened to the young Namekian talk excitedly about all of her previous accomplishments. Under other conditions she would have been proud of herself, but now, she felt scared and confused. Her current situation just wasn't the same anymore.

“I hear you Dende, I really do! But…” she sighed, “My circumstances are so different now! I have a child who needs me…”

“And a child who needs a father too, don't you think?”

Damn him! He was right of course…

“How could I just, leave him here? I just, I can't even…”

“Bulma, you have people that love you and that could help you; your parents, the Son family… Don't you think…? Don't you think that, leaving your child for a short period of time would be a small price to pay if that meant he could grow up with a father and a mother?”

She understood what he was saying, but her maternal instincts were far too strong and soon Bulma found herself softly crying again as she shared her biggest fear with the young man…

“What if something happened to me? What if I don't come back?” she whispered fearfully.

“You will. You can do it Bulma, I know you can. You're a strong woman, why do you think Vegeta chose you as a mate?”

She smiled sadly through her tears…

“I don't even know if we're mates anymore, Dende… Or if we were ever mates to begin with… He left me, remember?”

“Bulma”, he grabbed her hand and he squeezed it firmly, “I cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do, just as I cannot fully understand what goes on in Vegeta's mind. I have invited you in here today, in order to share the information I have with you; it is up to you now to decide what to do with it”.

Bulma nodded and smiled timidly again.

“I understand Dende, and I appreciate what you, and the other Gods, are trying to do but, I just… I think I need some time to make a decision…”

Dende stood up and he nodded.

“Just follow your instincts Bulma. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.”

He looked at the blue haired woman, sitting on that couch, crying and shaking and he kindly said, “Take your time to compose yourself. We'll wait for you outside”.

Bulma observed him as he left the room. She felt her eyes swollen, burning, and her head felt hot and heavy. She was exhausted. She'd been exhausted even before this surreal day had begun, and now she had to deal with this situation. A situation she feared because she couldn't fully comprehend it.

She wiped her eyes with her hands and she quietly finished her tea. She knew she had to calm down before her baby could see her in that condition…

Trunks.

Her chest hurt at the thought of abandoning her baby just so she could go into some crazy adventure into space. Sure, she had always been an adventurous person, but now she couldn't evade her responsibilities, could she?

She stood up and she started walking outside, where Dende and Mr. Popo were waiting for her. She surprisingly realized that her baby boy was wide awake, and he seemed to be in a good mood. As soon as he saw his mother, he extended his little arms towards her and he giggled. She smiled warmly and she picked him up, kissing his temple softly.

She turned to Dende and Popo.

“Thank you for your time, Bulma. I hope the information I have shared with you will be of some use.”

She nodded.

“Thank you for everything, Dende. We'll stay in touch.”

She turned to Mr. Popo and she thanked him for the tea and for taking care of her child.

“It's been my pleasure Miss Bulma. Good luck” he replied with that mysterious smile of his.

She turned her back on them and she proceeded to walk slowly towards her plane. To her surprise, her little boy's mood had changed, and he was now hugging her tightly, burying his little face in her neck. As she was approaching her vehicle she noticed that tall figure standing next to it.

Piccolo.

She had completely forgotten about him.

She stood in front of him and she nodded politely.

“Piccolo”

“Bulma”, he nodded back.

“Can I help you with anything?”

The green warrior observed her carefully, and then he focused his eyes on her son, who was clutching her shirt tightly again with his chubby little fists.

“As a matter of fact, you do; I'd like to have a word with you now, if you don't mind”.

He nodded his head towards baby Trunks.

“It's about your son”.