Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ Do you believe in magic? ( Chapter 3 )

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tale: Chapter the Third

 

By: Wonder Woman

(Nyeh, Nyeh, Nyeh! I can call myself any damn thing I like!)

 

Disclaimer: Hi, I'm really am Akira Toriyama, but I'm being held captive in a state run institution for the insane, they claim I'm a short, fat blonde girl and not a middle aged Japanese man. They also say I don't really own Dragonball Z/GT or any other intellectual properties owned by Toriyama-sama. Which is impossible because I'm not really a short, fat blonde chick, am I? Am I? Looks in mirrorOh, crap!!! Please don't sue author of this relatively harmless fanfic, all she owns is a grubby bathrobe and collection of used tissues. And 'no' people she isn't Toriyama-sama. DUH!

 

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In the last chapter Vegeta and Bulma decide to compare notes on their life histories as well as their world's histories.

 

Bulma listened to Vegeta's mini rant about Goku losing his Saiya-jin

 

programming from a child hood fall on the head. During which she just

 

stared at him as if he had a head injury.

 

"What head injury?"

 

Vegeta rolled over and stared at her wide eyed, "The one that made

 

him a baka. The one that made him forget his mission to purge Chikyu-sei.

 

The one that nearly killed him as a chibi!" His voice got higher and higher.

 

Bulma looked at him even more strangely and repeated, "What

 

head injury?"

 

"There was no head injury? But, But….." Vegeta stuttered, "But

 

why did he turn out good? He fell off a cliff, landed on his head, and was a

 

dumb sap ever since."

 

"Well, he and his brothers were pretty wild as kids, but they calmed

 

down a lot when they were de-tailed, and any ways their father told them

 

to listen to the old man who was going to raise them. However, they still

 

got to be a little too much for Gohan to handle, so he gathered up the

 

Dragonballs again and made a wish. He wished they'd be nice boys and

 

they were ever since."

 

"So they forgot their Saiyan programming with dragon magic? Not

 

brain damage?"

 

"Sure"

 

"Why did Bardock dump all his brats on Chikyu, anyway?"

 

"Well, he had a vision of Goku becoming a Super Saiya-jin on

 

Earth, or because of Earth, so he decided that one Super Saiyan in the

 

family was good, but three was even better."

 

"Sounds like something I'd do. Or any Saiya-jin."

 

"Besides, Vegeta-sei was now surrounded by angry, cross dressing

 

alien reptiles, he decided that a nice, obscure back water place might be a

 

good place for his family to hide out. Just in case the vision of his home

 

world blowing up might come true after all."

 

"I always thought he was a little to sharp for a third rate Saiya-jin."

 

"No grass growing under his feet, that's for sure."

 

"So, how did "I" find out about the dragonballs? I don't think I gave

 

that away to the little twit, but I was more concerned with killing Freiza

 

and getting back home to 'you'."

 

"Well, 'you' learned about them the first time 'you' ended up on

 

Chikyu-sei."

 

"YOUR version of me landed on Chikyuu-sei? When? HOW?" The

 

cranky prince demanded. "This I've got to hear?"

 

Yes, folks! Flash back time is upon us once again. Prepare yourselves for the thrills and chills. This is Dun, Dun, Dunnn!!! Flashback.

 

The night sky flashed with lightning and rumbled with thunder. A

 

familiar snake-like shape began to form itself in the dark clouds.

 

"Reflect a moment upon your desires………"

 

Emperor Pilaf and his gang had appeared and Bulma was sure they

 

were going to kill them all. The seven glowing crystalline spheres floated

 

around the giant beast. She had to beat the little blue creep to the dragon.

 

If he ruled the world it wouldn't matter if his 'minions' killed them or not. In

 

fact, the HFIL would be better than a world run by him. She and Oolong

 

were neck and neck for the finish line and they both shouted simultaneously

 

their 'desire'. So did the others, a moment too slow, but whatever they said

 

was lost in a crack of thunder, except Goku who manage to crawl out from

 

the melee of 'heroes' and villains.

 

"I want a prince my age….."

"………panties!!!"

"CAKE with lotsa frosting!!!"

 

"Granted"

 

The dragon soared upwards toward the heavens. The spheres

 

scattered to the four corners of the globe. The night sky became peaceful

 

and still once more, and the stars appeared, bright and sparkling. Everyone

 

present paused what they were doing.

 

The angry, ugly blue gnome-creature snarled, "What was granted?

 

I'd better be king!"

 

Everyone looked around at each other. Hmm, good question. In the

 

starry sky some sort of black ovoid appeared. It grew and grew until it was

 

about ten feet long and slightly more across. It was like a black hole. A

 

whirling vortex suspended in midair. And suddenly a far off scream could

 

be heard quickly coming closer and closer. Out of the hole in the night sky

 

plummeted a human figure, well a humanoid figure in any case.

 

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIII", shrieked the creature.

 

Whaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!! It crash landed on Emperor Pilaf and

 

mashed the little jerk flatter than a tortilla. The creature stood up and stood

 

silhouetted in all it's short, pointy-haired glory. The hovering vortex slowly

 

shrank to nothing and disappeared.

 

Yamucha looked at Puar and said, "I think we need some light."

 

"Yes, master!", she squeaked in reply and transformed into a flashlight.

 

Bulma turned to Oolong and snarled, "YOU TOO, Porky!" The pig grumbled but complied.

 

The being turned out to be a short kid wearing nothing but a tiara

 

and a pair of pink lace panties and covered head to toe in butter cream

 

frosting and marzipan flowers! Everyone was rendered speechless. Except

 

for the er, person they all starred at.

 

"What just happened? Where am I? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? Do you know who I am!!? I demand you tell me! I am the Ki…er, PRINCE of all Saiyans! I demand you answer me!"

 

Everybody turned and starred at each other open mouthed in shock

and then turned back to the angry, sugar coated mini monarch.

 

"KUSO", He screeched. "ANSWERS!!!", which was punctuated with a HUGE Ki blast.

 

They barely had time to dodge it. All at once they all started babbling answers.

"Dragonballs……"

"…..Wishes!"

"All that stupid pig's fault…."

"Where's my cake?"

"……Poor Emperor Pilaf is dead!"

 

The last one was chorused by Mai and Shuu. Every body turned to

 

look at the pair standing over what was left of Pilaf. What wasn't smeared

 

down the pointy headed guy's front, that is. It was nasty and squished out

 

of any recognizable shape.

 

"'Poor'!? 'Poor'!" Bulma demanded. "Are you crazy? How can you

 

even care about him? He treated you like crapola! He blamed you for his

 

mistakes and beat you! Good riddance! And worst of all, he was going to

 

kill me!!", she yelled down at them. Suddenly she thought of something,

 

and she turned to the outraged stranger. "You killed him?", she said slowly

 

as if realizing something. "You killed him and saved all of our lives. You

 

saved my life. You're a hero. You're a hero and a prince!", her voice rose

 

excitedly as she ran up to him babbling, "You're my hero and my prince."

 

Then, without a thought for the frosting and Pilaf goo coating the peeved

 

and pointy potentate, she flung her arms around him and started

 

smothering him with kisses. Between kisses, "You saved…" smooch

 

"…me!" smooch "You…" smooch "…saved me!" smooch "I think you're

 

really terrific!!!" smooch smooch smooch!

 

The pointy haired teenager's reaction to being kissed by teenage

 

pinup girl was not the usual reaction of a teenage boy's. With a look of

 

complete revulsion he shoved her off of him.

 

"Uuugh, oh, gross, ALIEN SLOBBER!!! Stay back, you hideous

 

freak of nature!!! Come near me again, and I'll blast you into the next

 

dimension!", he yelled as he spit the girl taste out of his mouth and then

 

rubbed the back of his hand across it. "That was completely disgusting!

 

Stay back!"

 

At this point our Vegeta interrupted Bulma's story……

 

"Do you mean to say that the little jerk-wad had a chance to boff

 

you, in all your nubile, teenage Playboy Bunny suited glory, and he passed

 

it up? Are you really telling me that? BAKA!!! I knew I should have stayed

 

and killed the little pissant and taken over Vegeta-sei!" Vegeta was

 

incredulous. "I can't believe it. I can not believe it."

 

"It's all true, I swear it. Right down to the last frosting garland and

 

rosebud."

 

"Wait, how come you were surprised I knew your name when I

 

snatched you on Namek?"

 

"Because, right after 'you', er, he shoved me away he looked at me

 

with that scouter thingee he was wearing, he said I only measured five ki

 

points, and from then on he acted like I didn't exist at all. Then after the

 

others explained how he got to earth, he got mad and took off in a snit.

 

The Son family took off to track him down. Oolong went home and

 

Yamucha and Puar came to stay with me. The last I saw or heard of the

 

little fruitcake was on news reports of him devouring an entire zoo of

 

endangered tropical birds, scaling the empire state building on a rampage,

 

looting Victoria Secrets, and so on. He stayed with Goku and his family,

 

but he was such a prick that at the end of the year they begged me to help

 

them find the dragonballs to send him back to where ever he came from.

 

That's how we got mixed up with the Red Ribbon Army. They wanted the

 

Dragonballs, Son-kun wanted them more."

 

"So he got the dragonballs and gave mini me the heave ho?"

 

"Right!"

 

"So what was that crack about Victoria's Secret?"

 

"I was serious about the lingerie stores. He really did rob some."

 

"More than one???"

 

"Umm, well you know you two aren't that much alike. I mean, you

 

look alike. Well, sort of, but you don't really act that much alike. In fact,

 

you aren't acting anything like him at all."

 

"Do I really want to hear this?", Vegeta asked with a pained

grimace.

 

"Errrr, well, maybe not.", came Bulma's answer.

 

"I'd better hear this. Just give it to me straight."

 

"Funny you should use the word 'straight'. Well, It isn't just alien

 

girls he's grossed out by, it's all females. And him and Nappa just weren't

 

sparring partners, either."

 

"Nnnnnnn, nnnnnn, naaaaaaa……" Vegeta tried desperately to respond, "nnnaaaaaaannnnnnnnnniiiiiii????????, nani,nani,nani???"

 

He started to choke and Bulma leaned over to pound him on the back. He

 

coughed and gasped. "Nappa? He and Nappa? NAPPA? If he had to be

 

gay, why NAPPA!? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!?" Vegeta pressed his hands to

 

his forehead and wept.

 

"Anyone but Nappa!"

 

"Then you probably don't want to hear the rest of it, then."

 

"There can not be more! There can't!"

 

"Forget I mentioned It."

 

"No, let me have it straight." He winced at the word 'straight'.

 

"Well, you know how I said 'you' came to earth for the dragonballs?" she waited for him to nod. "Well, the other 'you' didn't get into a fight with the z-senshi over them, it was something else." She was hesitant.

 

"I'm afraid to ask."

 

"Yamucha."

 

"NANI?"

 

Yes, folks. It's another one of those darn cliff hangers.