Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ All by myself ❯ Everything's not lost ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I don't own dragonball Z that's the privilege of Akira Toriyama. I'm just an obsessed fan with far too much time on her hands. Please don't sue. Pretty, pretty please with an ice cream, pink ribbons, and a cherry on top! Oh and the songs not mine either, life sucks *-_-*

All By Myself

Part two (written to the hidden track from Coldplay's album Parachutes)

The first cognisant thing that races through my head is where the hell am I, and I look about me as the sleeping gas releases its hold over my body. Panic overtakes every rational thought and in an instant I am on my feet, grinding my teeth, preparing to power up. Then, then I remember. I can feel the bubbling of power that underlies my customary form and a familiar smirk tugs at my left cheek, as all my satisfaction flows through that single flicker of emotion.

Looking over my shoulder at the warped, circular structure that has been my home for the past four months, I remember a brief moment of time. It presents itself in a haze like dream that haunts my thoughts, of a time of sheer coldness. HFIL hasn't got a patch on the torture that human's describe as emotions, feelings, attachments, feh, I hate the way they have about fifty words all expressing the same damn thing. As a whole race they aren't that collectively stupid, they should have figured out by now that words are pointless.

To my disgrace, I cannot resist this niggling urge to show my all, and close my eyes, letting my ki flare to a barely perceptible level. In the distance of semi-consciousness, I can feel a raised power level falter. Ha, it worked! The fool sensed it! He was fighting the Namek before I interrupted, and now both have stopped their sparring session.

No doubt the Namek is shit scared right about now, which is perfect! Kakarrot on the other hand is a different matter. I can feel his mind pulling at mine, and as much as I dislike him in general, I find myself curious as to how he will react. "Welcome back Vegeta!" He chirps it into my mind, as though we had been life long friends. Maybe I should have ignored him. "Congratulations I knew you would do it! Wanna test your new powers, it would be great to fight against someone at my own level!"

Idiot! Who is he trying to kid? "At your level? Don't insult me Kakarrot! You know that I am stronger than you, and that I train alone!"

"Sure! Whatever you say Vegeta, are you going back to Capsule Corp?"

There is no emphasis on words thought telepathically, but in this instance it doesn't matter. I know where his thoughts lay. He's been ridiculously unsubtle in his attempts at matchmaking. He proves me right by speaking again before I answer, "Well, say hello to Bulma for me!"

Bulma… The name sticks like glue, and the memories, oh Kami! "If I see her, then I will have more important things to discuss than you Kakarrot." I hear myself hiss it out, and am glad that mental thoughts are just a monotone feeling, as my voice betrays my weakness.

"Well I'll see you around! Train hard Vegeta, we need you on this one!"

"Humph!" I snort out the only response I deem him worthy of.

Feeling the connection fade into obscurity I rejoice in the fact that I have quieted his ramblings, and turn to survey my surroundings. It looks as though the computer took some damage. I am a fair distance away from my hour… I mean the Capsule Corporation. I'll be damned! These pathetic creatures sentimentalities have rubbed off on me! Fuck! What the hell am I doing back on this disgusting planet so soon? I have irreparably screwed up any little ray of hope that this godforsaken planet has presented for me, and the whys are still bugging me. I feel strangely drawn here again. My sub-conscious screams that maybe I need to see her again, need to explain why I… I feel a sting that has pierced me ever since I accepted her damn hospitality. It was completely alien to me before that day, but it has grown with time and familiarity into something that is twice as painful as one of Frieza's ki beams, and just as deadly. However much I try to ignore it, it is still there!

I knew what I was doing that night, I wanted it to happen! I needed it, and her. It happened too quickly though! I had other priorities! I let my lust for her get the better of me, and SHIT if only I had waited! Then I could go to her now. Show her what I have become, let her know that I am the legendary… but it is of no use to dwell on such things. I have ruined everything. I turn my attention to the floor and whisper the words that I cannot say to any living being, especially, as is more than often the case, to myself. It exposes me, makes me feel weak, and if I feel weak then that is how I will appear. I cannot afford to let that happen. The Saiyan no Ouji is the strongest being in the entire universe, and I will not, will not be dictated to by anything other than myself! I do not need anyone!

I have to laugh at my delusions. How pathetic am I? I can't even acknowledge it to my own sub-conscious, how am I supposed to let her know that she is the only reason for my return to this planet and its atmospheric restrictions! Damn it!

Now I never meant to do you wrong,

That's what I came here to say,

Almost unwittingly my body takes a familiar direction, but my thoughts, Kami my thoughts just won't be repressed! The feel of her body against mine! The lust in those perfectly-clear blue eyes! The smell of the conditioner in her hair! I can taste, see and feel it all, just as potently as that one night. Such creatures, I had believed, were only written in fairy stories, with no bearing to reality, but she is so, so near to my idea of perfection! Plaguing my thoughts, demanding her share of my actions, wanting me, needing me. Unfortunately therein lies the actuality. It punishes me with open disdain for having feelings, because it will always be those reminiscences that hurt me the most. I had it! I had her, and Kami did I ever blow it!

The wind whips agonizingly around my body as I pile on more power, impatiently fearful of my destination, but still scorching my ki onto the night's sky to lose as little time as possible to get there. I become frustrated at this pedestrian pace, and am glad to be able to delve into the additional energy reserves of my transformed state. I allow the mind-bending energy to flow through me.

At first I struggle to realize the power, it is new to me, and I am still unsure if I rule it, or if it rules me, but it quickly slots into place, just as though I had never lived without it. Pouring into my chest, it's energy files down every nerve and synapse of my being, transforming my usual image into that of my legendary ancestors. It feels so damn good, but then I knew it would. If I were ever to have an addiction, then this feeling of supremacy would be it.

I had delusions that once I was the legendary, then everything would click nicely into place, and although it is a start I still find myself pining for more. This was my ideal for so long, I cut my teeth on the legend, and strove my whole life to reach it, but it isn't the answer I had longed for. Its power is indeed great, but I cannot escape the emotions needed to sustain it.

I have seen how much the transformation changes your body, but I never had any idea of the mental repercussions. It heightens almost every sense making all those damn small emotions that I have picked up from her species, quadruple in their intensity. The trouble is, that it doesn't only affect me when I am Super Saiyan. I can feel it even in my normal form. Somehow the power has burdened me with its necessity, and now we are one and the same.

I relive that one night as though waking from a dream, and my actions fall around my feet as I can now see everything from her perspective. I think I have fucked things up completely. I am still unsure. I know how it felt at the time, and to let her have any hope of my returning affection would have not only been a danger to my judgment, but to her life as well. Caring for the Saiyan no Ouji is a dangerous game! No one has ever attempted it, and probably no one should! I am my own person and will not be swayed or captured by anyone. No I cannot condemn my actions to myself, but for her sake I do. She deserves better, and to show any emotion would be to break her purity, to stain her life with the blood on my hands.

But if I was wrong then I'm sorry,

I won't let it stand in our way,

I will never forget the day I decided to leave. I had been training in that damned capsule for days, pushing my body to breaking point, but still not getting any stronger. All I could think about was Super Saiyan, and my hatred for Kakarrot. They burned through my core with ferocity, and thoughts of my hostess were as far away from my mind as I could possibly drive them. Unfortunately for my sanity, she wasn't. Every fibre of my body burnt under the strain of the gravity, and my mind was so preoccupied that I didn't even feel her ki until it was too late. Then I heard it. The cut off, but again I was too late in my exhausted state to realize what it signified, and in my arrogance I was flung out of my set forms. The g's lifted, and my body was sent hurtling into the ceiling.

My back landed with a crunch against the computers stabilizing brackets and before I knew what was happening I was falling helplessly onto the fire blasted tiles beneath. I remember swearing a mixture of the worst profanities in every language I have learnt, but mostly in the now dead tongue of Vegeta-sei. The door hissed open, and my fatigued vision was inundated with differing shades of blue as I tried to focus properly on the being that dared to interrupt my training. Anyone else would have lost their life right there and then, but immunity was her unknown guardian. She was smiling as she entered, and it made staying my hand even more difficult. No one laughs at the Saiyan no Ouji! "What the fuck do you want?" I shouted, and was glad when her face dropped at my abruptness.

The fall was only momentary, and she shook her head as if she should have known better. I applaud the shrewdness of her mind, she knows me far too well. Her features cleared as though the affront never happened. It was only at that moment that I understood her purpose. Her father mustn't have told her about my plans. Good man, my threats worked well on him. She had come for her usual weekly inspection, ignorant of the fact that her precious daddy has already given it the once over.

I had asked him to test its spatial capabilities, and he had told me that it had been dormant for too long. After letting me know that the repairs would not be completed in time for my planned departure, he was quick to reassure me that an improved capsule was at my disposal if I wanted it. I think the old man might actually have been glad to see the back of me. He could probably see the attraction in his daughter and wished to put an end to it, just as much as I did.

Her blue eyes looked deeper into my soul than I wished for, and I could see her shiver under their gaze. "You know why I'm here Vegeta! So stop acting like a spoilt brat and let me work! There are some fresh clothes in your living room, go and have a shower and get changed you're stinking the place up!"

I simply grunted and left without another word. My shower was over far too soon, and I stalked around my apartment looking for the clothes she had spoken of. All I could find were a pair of loose fitting pants, and that accursed pink shirt. I looked scathingly at the obscene fabric before throwing it over the arm of the couch, and pulling up the black pants. Idiotic woman, I had no use for human clothes, where was the new armor that she had made for me?

At that moment I looked out of the window, only to see her walking out from my training room with the summer's light pouring over her all too alluring human features. I reigned in and scorned any feelings that her presence created, "Onna! Do you honestly expect me to train in these rags? Where are my training clothes?"

She walked in the door, her cheeks flushed with her technical exertions, "You won't be needing them. We have to talk."

Ugh, humans and their pitiful small talk! "We have nothing to talk about!"

"I think we do Vegeta! I can't go on like this. We have to resolve what happened between us. I need to know where I stand!"

Oh Kami! For two months I had managed to avoid her questions. I thought I had made it perfectly clear that I did not wish for any repercussions to do with that night. "Don't insult me! We had sex, it was good sex, but that is all it was. What do you want… a relationship? Ha, you're an even bigger fool than I had imagined Bulma! It's not going to happen. I never have, nor ever will be dictated to by a woman!"

"I know! I wouldn't expect anything less from you! But everything has changed. My mom thinks that you deserve the chance to change your mind, and so do I."

Her words struck at me with the same force as a Kamehameha. "Your mother knows? Do you have a death wish Onna? I told you not to breathe a word to anyone!"

Her hands clasped her mouth, but I could tell that she didn't regret breaking our agreement, "She and my father are the only one's that know Vegeta. To be honest I think they had already figured it out, and even if they hadn't, then they would have found out when…"

I didn't let her finish, I was too angry, "I warned you woman!" I spat stalking over to where she stood, grabbing a handful of her beautiful hair, and pushing her up against the prefabricated wall of my capsule house. Energy coursed through my veins and I could have so easily killed her at that moment, snapped her neck in an instant, sent a ki beam through her heart, rendering mine free. "Killing you would be so easy." I said losing myself and voicing my thoughts, "You have no energy, no fighting ability. I could send you into the next dimension this second, and have no regrets!" I curled my lip and sneered my disdain at not having the courage to go through with the threats, "Fortunately I am in a good mood today, I have other things to concentrate on than your pathetic emotions, so get the fuck away from me before I change my mind!"

I let her go and she slid down the wall into a crumpled mess on the floor. Her eyes turned from fear to anger the instant she touched the carpet, and those cerulean orbs burnt through me. They ripped through my defences, and the urge to fall victim to her charms flooded through me, as she got to her feet, "Fine! Fuck you Vegeta!" she spat, oh Kami she is sexy when she's angry! "I don't need your help with this. I have never needed anyone. You are the only one who will lose out, and if that is the way you want it then I don't care anymore. We will be better off on our own!"

I'm still not sure what she meant by we, but at the time my anger at the lust she created inside of me, blanked out everything else, "Finally the Chikyu girl understands! Go snivelling to that ex-boyfriend of yours. See if he wants his little whore back! I have important things to do! So I'll tell you again, leave me the hell alone!"

I regretted the words as soon as they came out because her anger dissipated. She stared at me as though I was nothing to her. What if she did want him back? What if I had pushed her too far? I didn't want her to leave. I just needed a way out, and insults came naturally to me. She turned on her heels, her anger palliated into a coldness that could rival my own. It was calculated, controlled, and its meaning couldn't be clearer. She did not need me, did not even want me.

My flight path wavers slightly under the impression, as my head tries to cope with those accursed memories.

Because my head just aches when I think of,

The things that I shouldn't have done,

I still don't know what I am going to say to her. I just hope that I can curb that temper, before I ruin everything. Hell, I don't even know if I will be able to speak the words to her, I can barely accept their import to myself! All I know is that I can't let it end this way. I know I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did, and even if she throws them in my face, I will know that at least I tried.

I shudder at the thought of going back to the way I was before. Anything that I have cared about in my life has always been taken away from me, and now, when I have the freedom to do as I please, my past still haunts me. Frieza may be dead, but his hold on me remains still. The megalomaniac has got the last laugh after all. His lessons still ring true in my head, still influence all my actions, and now, when at last I have a chance at something more, he doesn't even need to interfere, because inherently I'll fuck it up anyway.

I grit my teeth and close my eyes, welcoming the air currents pushing against my face. I glory in their untamed state. They wash away the old Prince of Vegeta-sei, and introduce an alternative. It is my lot to choose. For once I can pick which route I take. I have the choice not to live in this universe on my own.

Pride. That is all it comes down to. Pride. It is all I have left, and coming here has meant taking that one refuge and tipping it on its head, but right now I don't care, and I shout it out into the frosted night air for all in sundry to hear, "I AM MY OWN PERSON! DO YOU HEAR ME! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! THIS IS WHAT I WANT!" my voice peters out, and my last breath is muffled by the wind, as I finally admit it to myself, "I don't want to be on my own anymore."

But life is for living we all know,

And I don't want to live it alone,

At last I can see it. The city sprawls out in the far distance and I can see the yellow domed outline of the capsule corporation, lit up like an obelisk to the damned as I approach. The lights of the over-populated city stream passed me like the millions of stars I picked my way through to get back to this planet. I can feel the exhaustion of my long travels catching up on me, but I will not let them dictate me. I am on a mission, and nothing will stand in my way.

I arrive at the now familiar surroundings, and hover over the buildings as a wave of nervousness, floods over me in such debilitating intensity that I find myself stuck in its hold. Damn the price of Super Saiyan! Curse all these feelings to HFIL and back! Fuck this planet for making me feel them in the first place, and fuck her for making me as weak as a proverbial kitten. Fuck her? The thought is a good one, and I allow myself a dry chuckle at it.

The floodlights illuminate the structure, but all building lights are off. Perfect! I can quietly sneak into my own quarters unnoticed, and leave confrontations until the morning, but first things first. I have to make sure. As my eyes close I tune my senses into a particular ki. I really am a lost cause, even her miniscule power sends shrills down me in my present form.

I pause as I feel something… something different! How could her ki have changed so much? It's impossible and the location, its all wrong. According to my senses she isn't in the main house. I will try again, just to make sure. No I wasn't mistaken! Baka! She is even more foolish than I had believed, to be wandering around the compound at this time of night, with no ki to protect her from the cold! Damn her!

Curiosity gets the better of me. I have to fly down to have a look at the face that has haunted my thoughts for the passed four months. As these humans say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe… just maybe, seeing her again will palliate this desire, sending me straight back into space without so much as a backward glance.

Her ki has become stronger as I near the northern factories. I can trace its origins properly from this distance, and feel myself almost fall out of the sky in shock. In my house! The little minx is in my damn house! How dare she take that liberty! I can feel the anger rising, but somewhere, yes in some little unfathomable portion of my body I am glad, and hope, above hope that everything's not lost.

I land at the entrance of the capsule house strangely expectant. Walking through the familiar rooms stirs those emotions, and makes me regret coming back. The nearer I am to her the stronger they become. Maybe it is some kind of occult witchcraft, taught to her by that Bubba woman. I pause. I can smell her now I am at the foot of the stairs, and am unsure if I should continue. It's not too late to turn back. I will make a fool out of myself if I go any further, but for some reason my feet aren't listening to my silent pleas for escape, as they continue up the steps of their own accord.

I have reached the top step, and am surprised to find her balled up in a foetal position on the bedroom carpet. The sight of her takes my breath away, and I have to remind myself to exhale. The golden light of my ki envelops the room and she stirs in her sleep. I slowly pad up to take a closer look and as I approach her fitfulness returns. She murmurs something incoherently into the floor before rolling over to face me. I look down striving to find some imperfection in that face that will bring me out of this nightmare, but see none. I curse under my breath, and then, then my gaze falls on something I was not expecting. Her stomach! She's… HOLY SHIT!

Singing I, I, I

What goes through my head at this time? Curse me to HFIL for doubting her, but I have to wonder if it is mine? Almost instinctively I walk over to her sleeping frame, and place a gloved hand millimetres away from her swollen belly. At least now I know why her ki seemed so different. The infant is strong, far too strong to be that other humans, and in spite of myself I feel the corners of my mouth twitch in reaction to the revelation. I hone my senses in a little more, and move my glowing hand a fraction closer. Then I feel it! It's barely even noticeable to my Super Saiyan senses, but it is real enough, the boy kicked where my hand rests.

Unfortunately, I do not appear to be the only one who felt it, and dry, tear streaked cheeks start to move in annoyance. Those long eyelashes begin to flutter, giving me just enough notice to power-down and disappear into the shadows.

Her eyes blink repeatedly, trying to get used to the light, and lose the drowsiness from the dreams she has woken from. She rubs the back of her neck, obviously still stiff from her time on the floor, and looks around the room, bathed only in the lights of the stars. I hold my breath hoping that she will not see me here. Baka! I am a Saiyan! Our kind do not slink around in the shadows like cowards, if we have a problem then we face it head on, and to HFIL with the consequences.

I chuckle to myself as she gives me the perfect opportunity to startle her. She gets to her feet, rubs her back and mumbles, "Aw man I feel like shit!"

"You look like it too!" I lie, and move away from my shadow filled corner.

I hear my lungs laughing as she practically jumps out of her skin, and turns to look in my direction, trying to see if I'm real or part of some sick dream. I want to say something meaningful after our long separation. Something that will let her know that I regret our last conversation, but my voice disobeys me as usual, "What's the matter Bulma, have you forgotten how to tell me to fuck off?"

My coarseness seems to out weigh any doubt of my substantiality, and her eyebrows twist in puzzlement. This is the moment I have been dreading! How will those eyes fix on me? Will they be angry or will they, god forbid it, be happy at my return.

To my surprise they are neither, her face is blank, cold, just as it was the day I left. "So you came back." The words are expressionless. She would make a great warrior if only her ki would allow it. Her coldness and lack of concern are remarkable, "Why?"

My throat dries, as she catches me off guard. Anger I had expected, but not straight to the point, cold questioning, and I am left dumb, floundering for an answer.

Singing I, I, I

I can't reply. All the things that I want to tell her jumble up in my mind, and refuse to surface. In my desperation I ignore the question, and ask one of my own. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I sigh as her face of ice contorts into a mixture of emotions. Again we are on a level playing field as her failure to come up with the right words is just as impressive as my own.

And you sing I, I, I

Neither of us can say a word, but we don't need to. Our gazes fix each with the others in the darkness. Penetrating, intense, her eyes are full of questions and as she reads mine, they overflow with unintelligible replies. I remember my own strictures on her species. 'Words are pointless.' Any small amount of dignity I have left flies out of the window as I walk over, grab a handful of her hair, and persuade her back against the slightly sloped wall.

Even in the half-light I can see the fear in her eyes, and it pushes me to speak, "I'm here to do that which I was too gutless to do before." I growl into her ear.

Her resolve never falters, as she nods her confirmation and closes her eyes, waiting for my decision.

I laugh at her stupidity, "I am not here to kill you… death is too easy."

Her eyes snap open, and search mine for an answer. She seems to get frustrated. The lack of light plays into my hands. She cannot see the lust that must be expressed in them. I can feel it flowing through every vein in my body, it taunts me, dares me to give into it, and openly defies me.

This time I let the feeling win out, overpowering me with its absurdities. (I told you that she was a risk to my sanity, here's complete proof) Out of sheer need, I find my body hungrily pressed up against hers. She gasps, and a tingle of excitement dances down my spine, as I let go of her hair to trace my fingers over quivering lips, "I promise to make you regret this day for the rest of your life!" I whisper, as my head lowers to replace gloved hands with searching lips. I taste them with relish, and thank Kami that my memory hasn't diminished. Touching her really is better than turning Super Saiyan.

Her eyes are still distant, and for the first time in my life I am afraid, no not afraid, absolutely shit scared of her refusal. A single tear rolls down her check, and I catch it on the tip of my finger, my thoughts instantly returning to our night of passion. Here we are six months later, and I have learnt my lesson. I will keep my oath, and I repeat it like a fool in the glaring silence, "I don't want to be on my own anymore," and instead of wiping it away, I bring the tiny droplet to my lips.

A hand reaches up and nervously touches the angles of my face. I lean into its caress. "Vegeta… I?" I cannot let her ask the question, and simply copy the fragile gesture. Plain straight satisfying, non-emotional sex binges I am used to, but when it comes down to the correct way to seduce, giving, not taking, then I will have to learn from her. Again I lean down, but am suddenly conscious of my new power so barely brush her lips, not wanting to risk injury.

To my astonishment she pulls back, and I can see the question that I knew she would ask, it is practically teetering on the edge of her small cherry lips. Panic takes its hold, I still don't know if I can give her the answer she needs. I have to stop her, have to keep this moment for what it is! "Bulma," She stares back at me expectantly, and I close my eyes, praying that Kami will help me find the right words, "I will not make any promises to you." The words catch in my throat, betraying me as much as they did on the night we first found solace in each other's arms.

Now! Right here! This is the time to tell her. It will stop her wanting to know anymore, and in my nervousness I blurt it out, "I am Super Saiyan now." Her eyes widen, and I can't say anymore. Even I was shocked by the bluntness of my voice. I can see that brain of hers trying to work out my true meaning, and, as is usually the case outside her laboratory, has put four and four together to make five. She is so obviously trying to look happy for me, but I can see the emotion underlying that mask, "You think I have everything I want?" I ask.

She bites her bottom lip, and nods with the insecurity of a child through those heart-filled eyes. I step back, letting the power of my ancestors flow through me at a safe distance, setting the room aglow with its energy. At first she is immovable from either surprise or fear, (I'm not sure which) but the feeling is short-lived as she circles me, timidly surveying my golden torso, "How do I look?" I ask with a chuckle, as the tension seems to lift under her approving gaze.

"You look, like you could power the whole of Japan!" she replies with a chocked giggle, "How does it feel, now you have finally reached it?"

I silently thank the old Namek for giving me the opportunity of explaining without the accompaniment of humiliating words. I power down, not wanting to burn her delicate skin, and drag a hand along the clean line of her neck. It carries on its journey through the dip of her cleavage, and protectively over our unborn child. My lips stop millimetres away from hers, "As good as this," I breathe heavily as I bring us together, "But only just!"

The End

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What do you think? I have slightly edited and revised certain points in this story. At last I have decided to leave this as it is. I know an awful lot of you wanted a third chapter, and it would have been fun, but I think that adding more might just detract from what is already there. Please review and let me know if you like this. Any comments, constructive or no, are always, very welcome. ~Ember~