Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ All by myself ❯ One Step Closer ( Chapter 5 )

One Step Closer to the Edge - Bulma's P.O.V

I lean against the wind as it picks up around where I stand, and all the tension hype and stresses that have been thrust upon me by these last few days, seem to press on my shoulders and make my whole body buckle. The stiff breeze bombards my face, but my body will not be helped, and I fall abruptly to my knees, wishing that I had the courage to be stronger.

This airhostess smile, that I always seem to resort to in tense situations, vanishes with the strength in my legs, and I try to convince my mind that this is just a natural reaction to the nerve-wracking events of these passed few days, even though I know that the truth is so much bleaker. It is because I have no one to fall back on, no secret hope to buoy me up. This is my true self, and it lays me bare to face my current situation in all its soul shattering reality.

I cannot take this anymore,

I'm saying everything I've said before.

Cell may have been defeated, the world is safe yet again and even though I breath evenly just to make sure its real and that I'm still alive, my thoughts aren't any clearer than they were before Son-kun stepped out to fight. My mind is running at Olympic speed just trying to comprehend the multitude of suffering that my sanity has barely managed to control recently.

As much as watching my friends being beaten to a bloody pulp has become a kind of satanic hobby over the years, it never gets any easier, and this time… well this time it hit home a little more forcefully than usual. Guilt is the predominant feeling at the moment, seeing as my closest friends have put their lives on the line for me so many times, but now I think I might have some insight into why Chichi gets the way she does during a battle. I have never felt quite so anxious as I did when I saw Vegeta and Trunks on the television here at Kame house.

I have to laugh (even though it is an effort), as now even my own reasoning's for coming here appear slightly peculiar, and as much as I try to convince myself that it was to achieve some kind of normality whilst watching my nearest and dearest, yet again put their lives on the line, I know deep down why I was so intent to reach this tiny island.

Master Roshi may be a strange, perverted little man, but he holds few (un-hentai related) grudges. He does not judge harshly and quite frankly there are few people I feel so completely relaxed around. I can't explain it, but this just seemed the right place to be.

I have always been a socialite and therefore could not have watched the Cell Games alone, but sitting at Capsule Corps with my parents wasn't something I wanted to experience either. In fact it was a welcome relief to be here and around someone whose eyes weren't constantly watching my every movement, or ears that wouldn't question every little sigh, which would inevitably occur when I saw one of the fighters in all of his proud grandeur.

Yes, call me a moron, call me weak and a glutton for punishment, call me everything that I deserve, but I have a mental block in relation to Vegeta. I just can't switch it off, and whether it be that Cell would succeed and destroy him… or that the Z Senshi prevailed and he went his own way, I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again, without making my peace, however it might or might not be accomplished or returned.

So that was my plan, and in the unhindered company of the old turtle hermit, I could silently offer Vegeta his redemption and my… my forgiveness I guess, because even as I think of him now, my thoughts will inevitably fly back to the argument we had before he left.

At first it hurt a lot, the way he acted, the beginnings of half sentences that he struggled to express, and that constant battle with his pride, which I appear to be no closer to deciphering. It infuriated me beyond anything in so much that he couldn't change it. That not even after everything that has happened could he lay his pride aside and say what I wanted him to… but now, when the moment is gone and the harshness of his voice is lost. I cannot totally despair.

It's strange how easy it is to say this now after the sleepless, anguish I spent that night in, but it's barely an effort to excuse all his words, and instead pity him. Oh boy! I can just imagine what he would do if he could intrude on my thoughts right now! Pity! I can almost hear the fluent tide of strictures that would flow from his lips in relation to it, but I can't help but feel this way. If only he would open his eyes and realize that he doesn't have to struggle through life on his own, figure out that being close to someone doesn't take away your individuality or your pride but emboldens you to go onto greater things, then maybe, just maybe he might actually be able to leave some of the countless demons of his past behind, and look forward to something brighter.

However much I try to rationalize this situation though, I guess this mess with the androids has at least taught us both one thing. That neither of us are infallible, and as I sit here on this windswept tropical beach, mourning the loss of my best friend and Mirai son, I actually want for nothing more than his presence. I want to be held in his arms, having him reassure me with his touch that the dragonballs will be effective in brining them back, in short, that everything will be ok.

Deep down though I know better than to expect it, even now he is probably planning his departure from this planet, and even though the thought makes my heart weep blood, I can't help but try and understand why he feels it is so necessary. The trouble is I have absolutely no idea how I would get through to him even if he did come back. What can I say or do that hasn't already been tried. 'I love you Vegeta' certainly didn't work.

All these words they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance,

Less I hear the less you'll say

But you'll find that out anyway,

For months I had felt, but never dared to use those words. Yes… the Saiyan no Ouji is not the only one who fears their import, I was just as scared to use them to his face, as he is to acknowledge that such feelings exist at all, because I knew that as soon as I uttered them things would have to change. It would do something that even Trunks' birth could not. It would catapult our relationship over that invisible boundary, and lay me completely open to him, and I did not know if I would be strong enough to face the contempt that I somehow knew it would create.

Now I have no regrets. I know I did the right thing. What was keeping it to myself going to accomplish? Absolutely nothing. He needed to know. I guess its up to him to decide now. If he comes back, (and I have to blink back a tear at the uncertainty of that 'if',) then he will have to be willing to acknowledge more to me than he has ever done before. I close my eyes as my resolution sticks firm, but I do not expect much from him. I would never dream of making him admit that he loves me, I know that would never happen, all I want is for him to say that he wants to be a part of my life. If he can acknowledge this then maybe these last couple of years could mean something more poignant after all.

Just like before…

I'm nearly choking on the tension now, as my stomach twists itself in sickening anxiety and my thoughts leave the Saiyan no Ouji and turn instead to our mirai son. I see Muten Roshi out of the corner of my eye… his head hangs low as he walks out onto the porch and down the wooden steps.

My heart feels as though its about to be torn in two, "What's happened? They couldn't wish him back right? It's because he isn't from this timeline isn't it? You can tell me, please I need to know!"

I stand staunchly in front of him, my hands balled into fists and thrust onto my hips, the tears only just being kept behind the panic in my voice. The old man looks up to me, and I can see that he is suffering just as much as I am, even though a forced smile edges awkwardly over his features "Trunks is fine," He reassures me, "I can feel his life energy again. He has been brought back by Shenlong, but…"

He doesn't continue and as he looks down again I do not even notice that his features have returned to an unnatural melancholy. Instead, waves of relief wash over me, flowing along with the blood in my veins, as I choke on the tears I had been forcefully holding back. Now they flow freely, but my body will not stop shaking as I garble out my thanks to Dende.

"Bulma… I" The old master speaks again, but I am too caught up in my own little world of release, to even distinguish his words.

"Bulma! Calm down, you… you have to hear me out!"

My body relaxes out of the half torture that his words have brought, and I train my vision back to his sunglasses, just in time to catch a glisten of something in the corner of his eye.

"You can relax in the knowledge that Trunks is back, but the same cannot be said for Goku." He turns away to look at the rapidly setting sun, "They, they wanted to use the Namekian dragonballs to bring him back, but… but he decided to stay in the other world. Bulma," He holds out an aged and withered hand and envelops mine with it, "Goku's not coming back."

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

His words leave me stunned, and for a few minutes I can do nothing but blink in silent astonishment. As time ticks slowly by, a strong sense of denial replaces the relief I had prematurely indulged in. I shake my head from side to side, the tears that I can no longer control being flung from my cheeks by the movement, "No I don't believe you!" The words rip and tear at my throat, "Of course he will come back, he can't possibly want to stay… what about Chichi, what about Gohan, what about… me?" I step backwards under the impression, still trying to convince myself that this is all just some sick joke, "No you're mistaken, it makes no sense for him to stay in other world! You're lying!"

Even as I am saying this, I know deep down that he must be telling the truth; he has taken an oath, and cannot lie. I stumble back as he walks closer to me, and fall on my backside into the water that laps gently at the shore. As I make contact with the wet sand, the force of my feelings, crush against my chest. It's too painful and I let a half-strangled cry, explode from my lungs, "Goku! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Losing myself in an excruciating grief, the like of which I have never felt before, the next few hours seem to pass at a lightening pace. To be honest I am not cognisant of anything around me, as I stay here giving into my misery on the sand, not even caring that the heat of the day is as lost as the day itself. That is until a hand reaches down and gently touches my shoulder.

"I'll be in, in a minute Master Roshi," I don't face him, but continue to stare into the night's sky, "I just need to be on my own right now!" I bring my knees up to my chest hugging my legs and burying my face into them.

The hand however does not leave my shoulder. Instead it lingers, stroking up and down, kneading away some of my tension. Another one joins with the movements, mirroring the effect on both sides.

"Bakayarou!" I shout, appalled at its ineptness, "Can't you keep your disgusting hentai hands off me, even at a time like this?"

"But aren't you enjoying it, Bulma?"

The words are whispered into my ear, accompanied by the light tickle of hot breath on my neck, but the voice… shit the voice is all wrong, and my whole body tenses.

I'm not sure, but I think my mind may have finally been pushed too far, starting to freefall into dementia! "V-Vegeta?"

"What's the matter?" comes the voice again, "No smart comeback?"

I have never turned so quickly in my life. Reaching out a hand to the chiselled features of his heavily shadowed, aristocratic face, trying to figure out if I've fallen asleep on the beach, and let my dreams take over. Fortunately my fingers don't lie and as they meet with solid flesh and blood, any doubts are lost.

I need a little room to breathe

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

The frenzy my nerves have been spun into these last twenty-four hours, finally seem to come to a head at this discovery. They make my whole body shudder violently, and as the spasms constrict my movement, so the choked whimpers, which disobediently burst from my lips, ignoring my silent pleas for control, stop any speech.

He leans forward, his eyes clouded, distracted, but still urging me to look at him, so he can search them for a clue as to why I am behaving this way. His whole body looks completely different to normal, there appears to be nothing unforgiving in his stance, his arms hang loosely at his sides, and his breathing is erratic.

I look to the sand, too mentally exhausted to try and understand what this signifies. A feeling however, seems to break through the haze of emotions, and I chance a brief glance upwards, only to see that Vegeta has fallen to his knees, and looks just as drained and at a loss for reason as I am. Under my stare his eyes leave the floor to fix with mine, a torn gloved hand reaching feebly up to my face.

At first I lean into its caress, but all too suddenly remember our true situation, and so turn my head defiantly away. Even though I want nothing more than to dive into his arms, and seek the solace that they offer, any little shred of dignity I have left, denies him the satisfaction of cooperation. "If you have come to say goodbye, then you needn't have bothered Vegeta. I really don't give a shit about us right now!"

He closes his eyes as though he had been expecting this, "You know about Kakarrot?"

Kneeling on the sand I rub my shoulders as the coldness I feel within, finally acknowledges the drop in temperature on the outside. I ignore the shivers that rake though my body, and the single tear that splashes to the ground as I nod my corroboration, answers for me.

"You are crying because Kakarrot is gone? You were…" His eyebrows contract slightly, "friends."

I have to try and hide the astonishment at these words, the last thing that I expected him to do was talk about Son-kun. "And what would you know about friendship?" I ask, a little more bitterly than I would have liked.

He looks down at me as I lower my head to relieve the suffering of my heart. "Absolutely nothing," he agrees, "but… you should not be sad he is gone. He… he died a warriors death."

Even though the only light escaping, to give my eyes help, is that of the oil lamp in Kame house, I don't need to see properly to tell that something is wrong for Vegeta to be acting this way. The hairs on the back of my arms are beginning to bristle as the electricity radiating from him, pulls at the air surrounding me. "Why are you here Vegeta?"

He doesn't speak for the longest time, almost as though he is gearing his mind up to answer as truthfully as he can. Eventually the silence, awkward as it is, is broken. "To say something that before today, I had never said to another creature."

I curse myself for perhaps expecting more, and I can hear the hurt in my voice as I shout, "Dammit Vegeta! For once in your life, stop talking in riddles and get to the point!"

"Fine…" he pushes himself off the sand and wades knee deep into the cool saltwater, "I came to say that…" his head drops, "I'm… I'm sorry."

I find the answers aren't so clear

Wish I could find a way to disappear

My mouth opens and closes at this answer as my mind tries to formulate some sort of response, but I confess that this was the last thing that I expected to hear fall from his lips.

He seems to have anticipated that I would remain silent so continues without any encouragement. "So Bulma? Are you happy now you've made me say it, hm? Does it make all those pathetic human sentimentalities of yours, jump for joy as I admit to being as weak as the human you want me to be? Or maybe this doesn't satisfy you, maybe I should shout it from the rooftops as loud as I can, just so that the whole of this backwards planet can hear how far the Prince of all Saiyans has fallen. Then I can safely say that I have had the shittiest day of my life, just to make my humiliation one hundred percent complete?"

There is silence… all I can hear is his breathing, ragged as if fighting to stay under control. "What do you think Bulma? Do you think I have lost my mind yet, because it's certainly starting to feel that way to me?" he turns and walks back up to face me, his eyes burning into mine, "Yes your precious Kakarrot is gone, but so was your…" he looks down and holds his head in his hands, "…our son.

I can't believe that I am making myself say this, but… I offered you two promises before I left, neither of which have I managed to keep, so this is my punishment! I will say it again, just to make sure that you understand how much coming here is costing me… I'm sorry!"

His teeth grit as he admits to this and his ki level rises quickly, as a wall of golden energy explodes around his perfectly proportioned body. "You see I couldn't do anything Bulma, can you believe that? How much time did I spend in that fucking room, and what did I achieve? Only two things… Jack and shit! All I could do was sit back and watch whilst Kakarrot did the right thing, once again putting his own life before that of others, to show me up as the coward that I am.

That freak Cell openly mocked my lack of strength, and when it came to defending my family…? I could do nothing other than be a bystander as a beam of energy flew from his fingertips, straight through the heart of Trunks! So I ask you… what kind of warrior is it that can't even exact revenge on the murderer of his own son?"

All these thoughts the make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again

"Vegeta I…"

"Be quiet, I have not finished! You know, I threw every piece of power I possess and more at Cell, but it didn't even faze him. He was completely unharmed. The creature took me out with one blow, and what was even worse was that my life and all of those on this planet… including yours, was denied victory at my own hand, and instead passed to that of a half-breed child, born from third-class blood!"

Shut up when I'm talking to you! Shut up

Shut up

Shut up when I'm talking to you!

The tension is unbearable, but I am still at a loss for words. What exactly does he want from me? I can't help with this, just because he's feeling like shit, doesn't mean that I have to give in. His words are more than I expected, but still, in my selfishness, I do not think they are enough. It's Trunks again, and even though I'm glad that he feels such a strong connection with his son, I can't help but wonder if I actually figure in this at all. After all Trunks isn't the only one who needs him!

He has turned away from me, and not being able to handle this situation, I get off my knees and prepare to return to Kami house, check on my son and let him brood in silence. My legs are weak, but I somehow make it to the door. I am not, however, destined to make it inside, "So what I have just said means nothing to you? You'll just blank it out and pretend that I do not even exist?"

My anger blankets my exhaustion and I spin on the spot, ready for round two, "Just shut up Vegeta! I am sick of this. I'm not prepared to have you walk all over me yet again! I'm sorry that your precious ego is hurting, I'm sorry that your pride has taken a beating, but you are not the only one who has suffered? What about my pride huh? Do you even realise what I have been through, because of you? No of course you don't, because your head is so far up your own ass, that you can't see anything other than your own shit! Well I have a small piece of information for you monkey prince, the world does not revolve around you… and," my anger trails off and is instead replaced by my earlier conviction, "neither do I!"

Shut up when I'm talking to you!

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up when I'm talking to you!

I do not even want to see the anger that I know my words have created, so not giving him the chance to vent it on me I resume my original course, and walk into the house.

As I close the door behind me I am greeted by the old turtle hermit. He is holding onto trunks, who is in turn is screaming his head off and holding onto the old mans beard. When he sees me, my little boy stops his tantrum and opens his arms to me.

Choosing not to see the concern on the old mans face I relieve him of his baby-sitting duties, and take a hold of my sons chibi body. As seems to be the case with him, Trunks has picked up on my anxiety and so instead of making a fuss simply snuggles into my embrace. Once again my legs give out on me, and I crush him to my chest, clinging to his innocent affection, nuzzling into his soft baby skin, not minding the tears that fall from my eyes and over the both of us.

I stay this way for a while, not looking for help as my thoughts race, and even the explosions that shake the foundations of the house, from a Super Saiyan's temper tantrum, are nothing but background noise to me. As I start to calm down a little, though, I realize that it was a mistake coming here. I am so tired and emotionally drained, that all I want to do is be at home and tucked up in my own bed, not having to worry about any of this.

Master Roshi has not taken his eyes from me this whole time, the worry on his face very evident and I look up to him through tear drenched eyes, "I'm sorry," I state, "I did not mean to bring all this onto you."

He waves a dismissive hand, and I can just about crack a faint smile in thanks, "Can…" I almost choke on the tears, "Can you pass me my handbag?"

Not replying, he disappears, only to return a minute later with the small black leather purse. Shakily I take it from his hand and fumble inside, trying to find my plane capsule. After a frantic search I find the small device, and tentatively getting to my feet I whisper my thanks, and a barely coherent farewell to the venerable old master, before walking outside again.

As my feet pad dejectedly onto the wooden porch, the explosions stop, and even though I choose not to notice, I can feel Vegeta's eyes on me.

Almost blindly I continue down the steps, and trying to control my fingers, stopping them from trembling, I push the capsules release button and throw it to the ground.

The sky is still glowing with Vegeta's energy, and the explosion of my capsule is almost insignificant, when compared to the anger he has wrought on the oceans bottom, as huge waves still circle unnaturally under his power.

Taking a deep breath I walk towards my plane.

"Where do you think you are going?"

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

I grind my teeth, and not wanting anymore confrontations, ignore the words, and open the door. Something, however, stops my progress. I look down to see what is halting my progress, only to see a strong arm wrapped around my waist, a bloodied glove, laying flat on my stomach.

In an instant I am lured away from the vehicle, and hear the small 'poof' as the plane re-capsulates itself. I struggle, trying to extricate myself from his grip, like a wild animal, even though I know it's impossible even without having to hold onto Trunks!

"Let me go Vegeta! I just want to get out of here!"

"You are in no condition to drive!" he affirms, not relaxing his grip for a second.

Knowing that escape is impossible, my body goes limp in his arms, and my sobs return, even though my eyes cannot possibly emit any more moisture than they have already.

Submissive in his arms, he wordlessly shifts my weight, and my feet are lifted from the floor, "What are you doing?" I ask, my voice flat, void of any emotion other than fatigue.

He is silent for a moment, before his head lowers and he breaths gently into my ear, "Taking my head out from my ass, and finally doing something for you."

The words were even less than whispered, and for a minute I think I have imagined them, that is until I feel the tingling of ki enveloping me, and we push off the fine sand and into the dark, star sprinkled sky.

Not wanting to even try and comprehend what is going on, my body finally gives up its losing battle, and the part of my soul than wants nothing more than to be held by him, conquers all. One of my arms still clings securely around Trunk's waist, but the other curls around his neck giving into the need for closeness, that I have only ever felt when being with him.

Everything you say to me

Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break

'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to… break

His name is Vegeta… my dark prince, and the only being alive that can ease my pain.

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A/N - Wow! This chapter came so naturally! Quite frankly I do not think I have ever enjoyed writing a chapter as I have this one. Of course whether it is any good or not, is for you to decide. Plus I'm in a chapter dilemma, should I add another one or not? Oh boy! Decisions, decisions. @_@ Please review and help me out! ~Ember~