Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Beware the Purple-Spotted Mushrooms! ❯ One-Shot

On the other side of the house...

"Damn it, why the hell didn't I get Bulma to look at this thing," Juuhachi groaned under her breath. "I'm not the engineer around here."

Still, Juuhachi did have a decent understanding of mechanics in general, and by her initial observation, she could find absolutely nothing wrong with the air conditioner or the thermostat. She had even gone so far as to check the vents in the living room, only to find that they were blowing air, though due to her increased body temperature, she was unable to properly gauge if the air was as cold as it should have been. With that proving useless, as well as noting that the thermostat read seventy degrees, she had decided that there was something internally wrong with the little box on the wall and had gone to the utility closet for a screwdriver. As soon as she returned, she let her lithe fingers work out the tiny screws of the box cover to reveal whatever was going on within the thing.

Vegeta was cursing in several various languages as he made his way towards the old hentai's domicile. Above all else except perhaps Kakarotto, Vegeta despised feeling dirty, and at that particular moment he felt downright vile as every article of clothing seemed pasted to his skin. He resolved to find the onna, figure out what the hell they had done to try and kill everyone at the party, and go home so he could bathe himself thoroughly. The colder he could make the shower, the better, he added silently.

He passed his daughter and her ongoing tea party with a great deal of satisfaction, noting to the weakling, Krillin, that he looked positively ridiculous in his matronly get-up. Served the fool right. He was, however, forced to bite off the rest of his commentary on the situation when the miniature of Bulma had thrown him a truly Saiyajin glare before informing him that the ninjen made a wonderful mommy. The princess had spoken, so with a roll of his eyes, he chose to ignore the group altogether in favor of less hostile company - namely, his mate.

Hn, less hostile my ass, but at least I can get a great deal of satisfaction out of fighting with her.

For some reason, that single thought made the already thick air around him that much heavier and gave him a feeling quite similar to a head rush. He blinked once, twice, and then a third time before realizing that his brain had somehow found its way straight into the proverbial gutter as he imagined he and his stubborn partner arguing until they were both so hoarse they were barely able to speak before dragging each other to their bedroom. Whenever that could be accomplished, it always led to the most memorable of nights... and quite often, the following mornings as well. With a plot forming in his mind consisting of finding the blue-eyed beauty and immediately insulting her on her appearance, Vegeta moved with renewed vigor into the house.

His gaze scanned purposefully over the small sitting area before falling onto the form of one of the few people on all of Chikyuu he sincerely despised. His pride still screamed at him any time he saw the golden-haired minx, reminding him of his bitter defeat at her hands back in the days when she had proven to be one of his and his future son's most deadly enemies. Even now, years later and after much pleading from his family and friends, he would normally have rather blasted her to hell than speak a single word to her. Normally.

Of course, when midnight orbs locked onto the hunched figure of the devilishly attractive humanoid, talking was the furthest thing from the ouji's mind.

She was in the process of fisting her fine blonde hair in frustration while pale azure eyes scanned the internal workings of the offending piece of junk in front of her when she suddenly noticed, or more accurately, felt an intense gaze lingering on her back. Usually the former android's first instinct in such a situation would be to turn immediately and tell whoever seemed so damned interested to take a hike under threat of an unprecedented ass-beating, but this time proved to be a grand exception. Juuhachi found herself reveling in the feeling of eyes that she knew without visual confirmation were slowly and quite thoroughly raking over every square inch of her body. She suppressed the urge to shiver visibly, biting the inside of her lip hard enough to draw blood; she wasn't ready to alert the figure to the fact that she knew she was being watched. She stayed that way for several tense moments until she couldn't take it anymore. Who the hell was it that was behind her, and how were they able to so easily shake her to the very heart of her being by their mere presence within the same room?

Her eyes widened slightly as realization sunk in. It was almost too unbelievable... but there was no one else that sported such a powerfully dominating, albeit maddeningly arrogant, charisma. Bulma's earlier commentary flashed through the woman's mind, and she smiled slightly in wicked anticipation. Making a seductive display of turning around to face him, Juuhachi twisted her lithe body with feline grace so that all of her best physical assets were prominent at constant intervals before landing her exotic eyes to engage his as she leaned casually against the wall.

To his credit, Vegeta managed to stay relatively poised throughout, standing rigidly against the opposite wall, his arms crossed and his fingers digging painfully into each bicep. Still, had a casual observer seen him, they would have known the man was definitely fighting a losing battle between pride and lust. Not only were his unblinking eyes being teased mercilessly by the shapely female, but the onna's scent had, within a fraction of a second, gone from normal to a twisted combination of slightly combative and heavily aroused - a natural aphrodisiac for any Saiyajin, even under normal circumstances. It was so potent, in fact, that the ouji could taste the bittersweet flavor lingering on the back of his tongue, making his royal blood race in ways he rarely experienced away from the battlefield. It took every ounce of self-control he could muster to hold onto the increasingly tenuous barrier that separated his befuddled brain's command to stay the hell away from the exquisitely deceptive creature and his body's painful demand to pin her roughly against the wall she reclined against and engage in a much more gratifying form of combat than their last had been.

Silence ensued as the rivals held one another firmly under a spell of almost tangible desire. Each drank in every detail of the other as if to see who would buckle first under the erotic scrutiny. As he had done countless times before, the Saiyajin prince proved to be a true testament to sheer force of will and stamina, and Juuhachi finally cracked.

"Are we just going to sit here and stare all night, or are we going to get this show on the road?"

The man smirked viciously before blurring into nothingness, only to reappear within an inch of her a nanosecond later, throwing the flaxen-haired warrior against the cool sheetrock with enough force that she felt the semi-soft surface give way beneath her. Not that she cared. She was entirely too preoccupied by the deliciously frenzied attentions of the man that held her captive to give a shit about a stupid wall.

As for Vegeta, his last rational thought was that the woman was lucky her creator made his machines damn near indestructible. She was going to need it.

Like that wasn't enough already, yes, there's more...

As soon as Videl left through the kitchen door, she made a beeline for the water only yards away. She felt like she was being incinerated from the inside out, so instead of immediately going after her husband, she chose to seek a measure of temporary relief first. Thankful for her foresight that morning when she decided to wear her bikini beneath her clothes, she pulled her tank top over her head and tossed it to the sandy beach so the ocean air could, with any luck, cool her down better, though it quickly became apparent that it wasn't going to work out that way. As a matter of fact, every gentle breeze that skimmed her hypersensitive flesh only made her discomfort that much worse as her nerves danced with increased fervor at the slightest contact.

"Damn it," she cursed softly as she unconsciously pushed away several strands of raven hair that were sticking to her forehead and cheeks. "This is insane! There's no way-"

Her monologue was cut short as something caught her attention. Her brow furrowed curiously as she watched something that looked like a cross between a shark's fin and possibly one of Marron's water toys weave and bob every once in a while among the waves a little way from where she stood on the shoreline.

"What the hell is that?" she asked under her breath as something splashed close to the unknown object. Her curiosity was piqued even more when a light cream color materialized just below the surface of the deep green water before disappearing, leaving only the black protrusion within her sight once again. Before her mind registered what she was doing, Videl had slipped off her sandals and the cut-off shorts she was wearing and began wading into the water to investigate.

Five steps into her questing trek, Videl stopped in her tracks. What she was seeing wasn't a what, it was a who, she realized as the single spike became several and a man's face surfaced to take a deep breath. She felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner; it was rather presumptuous to assume she'd be the only one with the grand idea of taking a dip to help fight against the unforeseen and equally inexplicable heat wave. She opened her mouth in greeting, but when she did, nothing came out. Her lips came back together slowly, and her vivid blue eyes simply watched as though magnetically drawn to the figure who was presently on his back, his eyes closed and every muscle totally relaxed as he floated as though asleep, barely hovering along the surface of the breaking waters. Had anyone been there to see it, they would have immediately recognized the playfully predatory gleam that ignited within the normally subdued female fighter's eyes. Good God-sama, he was so tempting... so unbelievably alluring in his unguarded position...

He was so about to get his ass splashed.

Goku had stayed almost constantly submerged since jumping into the chilly tide in hopes that it would somehow bleed the searing heat from under his skin. Thankfully, after several long minutes and much fighting with his brain's first reaction to jump away from the near-painful sensation the frigid water caused, it had seemed to finally be doing the trick, if only a little. He no longer felt like he was being roasted on a barbecue grill; now it was more like he was sitting in a warmer-than-normal sauna. He didn't care that it was still too damned hot, any relief was welcomed and embraced wholeheartedly. Still underwater and feeling marginally better, he simply let the air out of his lungs slowly as he coaxed himself to the surface, allowing his face and the top of his chest and legs to break forth and brave the early evening air. For one blessed moment, he almost felt back to normal, and he sighed inaudibly as he drifted loosely with the waves.

Then a subtle breeze blew from the direction of the shore, and though he managed to give no outward sign, he immediately sensed that someone was watching him. Whatever progress had been previously made to cool down went straight to hell as the distinctly female aroma - I'll be damned, I think that's Videl - threw his entire consciousness into a strange, primal, miasma. Saiyajin instinct replaced human rationality as he quickly confirmed the identity of his prey. The lovely human was indeed spying on him from only a few feet away, and, unluckily for her, wasn't able to hide the fact that she was about to pounce on him due to her increasingly close proximity. He suppressed his natural inclination to chuckle by allowing himself an almost imperceptible smirk.

The hunter was about to become the hunted.

Videl was now in water that almost reached her shoulders, and she dropped another few inches until her chin was just barely skimming the surface as she observed her unwitting victim only a few feet away. Perfect. With a broad, victorious grin, Videl cupped both of her hands and lunged them forward, taking a great amount of the salty sea and sending it tidal-wave style straight at the man's head...

And hit nothing but air and ocean as her intended target suddenly fazed out before her astonished eyes.

Videl jerked up. Hey! Where'd he-

Mind and body froze as a firm masculine physique leaned lightly against her back while relaxed breaths teased her neck and ear.

"You missed me," came the softly purred observation from behind.

Videl's knees almost betrayed her when the simple action sent tendrils of burning desire through every square millimeter of her slender form. He wasn't finished, either; her breaths became shallow gasps and pants as the torture continued. He slowly rose to full height while strong, yet infinitely gentle hands fell softly onto her shoulders and adventured meticulously down the planes of her back beneath the water until finally coming to rest on her hips, his fingertips tracing small patterns against the narrow strips of smooth material that held the bikini bottoms in place. Oh God, she just knew if she looked down, she would see steam rising off of her skin where water was unfortunate enough to touch it. If it was his intentional contact that led her right to the edge, it was the involuntary that threw her over it. He rocked himself against her, and she moaned quietly when his arousal - something that should not have been possible considering the temperature of the water they were in - pressed invitingly against her lower back

With only a sound that Goku would have best likened to a growl to warn him, Videl twisted in the taller man's lenient grasp, earning her a sharp intake of breath from above. Once facing him, her arms immediately twined around his corded neck, one hand weaving a path into damp ebony spikes. She used her grip to both pull him down and her up until their noses touched and passion-glazed sapphire locked onto lust-filled obsidian.

"I promise you, this time I won't miss."

Two hours later...

"Man, I hope they left us some food," Goten commented as he and his lifelong friend touched down on the front lawn of God House. "We're getting here a lot later than we said we would."

Trunks shrugged. "You know, chibi, you should probably be more worried with how pissed your 'kaasan's gonna be about you being late than about food." Even in the darkness, the lavender-haired youth could see the color drain from his best friend's face as the boy swallowed audibly. "I was kidding, Goten. Jeez," he drawled teasingly.

Goten shoved his hands deeply into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. "Are you sure? I mean... if my mom is mad..."

"Then she'd already be out here screaming her head off," Trunks concluded. "Trust me, if we've made it this far with our eardrums intact, we're safe."

The demi-Saiyajin seemed to consider the logic for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. Now c'mon," Trunks prompted as he took the four steps that led to the front porch in one jump, "let's get something to eat. I'm starving!"

"Me too!" Goten's brow furrowed for a moment. "My mom's still in the kitchen," he stated in slight confusion, "and she's with someone else, but it's not 'tousan."

"Yeah, I sense my 'kaasan's on the back porch," Trunks added. "I'm gonna go explain to my mom why we're late. You go get our plates." Goten nodded and made his way into the darkened house as Trunks went around to the back.

Moments later, two crimson-faced teenage demi-Saiyajins were right back where they landed. The look on the other's face told each of them that they had found their respective parents in similarly compromising positions.

Goten was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "Uh... Trunks-kun?"

"Yeah, chibi?"

"I didn't know our parents where swingers," the raven-haired youth stated softly. "Did you?"

Trunks' scowled slightly. "No, I didn't. Guess you learn something new everyday."

The boys shuffled awkwardly for another moment before Trunks cleared his throat again.

"Pizza?"

Goten nodded quickly. "Yeah."

The next morning...

Chaos.

It was the only way to describe the mass of cursing, spitting, slugging and screaming that ensued as the new day's sun peeked over the horizon.

After a semblance of order had been restored some time later, the guilty group of eight stood in the old man's living room, all wearing various expressions ranging from embarrassment to fear to outright disgust. No one would brave looking up and catching the eye of anyone else, and soon the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a ki blade. It was the scene that Krillin walked into.

Rubbing his bleary eyes while toting two chipper, giggling girls, he noticed off the bat that something was seriously wrong. "Uh, hey guys," he ventured after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

Various mumbles answered him, making him even more curious as to what in the world was going on. He looked at each person individually, studying them. He went first to his oldest and dearest friend and was shocked to find that the normally happy-go-lucky warrior was looking downright miserable. Chichi, it seemed, wasn't much better off. Vegeta looked like he was about to blow something up, while Bulma was standing cross-armed and turned away from her prince. Gohan and Videl both looked as though they felt sick, and Yamcha was simply shuffling every so often, toeing the carpet with the tip of his shoe. He turned to find his own wife sitting on the sofa, her normally bland expression firmly in place, though her eyes were pointed toward an interesting spot on the far wall. All of them were in various states of disarray, their hair and clothes all disheveled as though they had either slept in them or rushed to put them on. He shook his head. What in God's name was going on?

It was the little blue-haired girl that had run into her father's arms immediately upon seeing him that shed some light on the situation.

Bra bounced against Vegeta's grasp. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy, 'tousan?" she questioned innocently.

Vegeta's angry scowl deepened considerably. "No, princess. I'm not."

The chubby face glowered before turning an accusatory glare to her blonde-haired partner. "Marron, it didn't work!"

Marron shrugged from her mother's lap. "I don't know what happened, Bra-chan. I guess-"

"What are you talking about?" Vegeta interrupted coldly, bringing his daughter's attention back to him.

"The mushrooms," Bra replied matter-of-factly.

"What? What mushrooms?"

Marron spoke up. "Well, while Bra and I were playing, she found God-sennin's spotted mushrooms in the garden, and so we picked some and brought them to the kitchen."

Krillin choked. "Wait... you mean the purple-spotted mushrooms?" Marron nodded.

"What are you bakas talking about?" Vegeta demanded impatiently.

All eyes were suddenly brought to Juuhachi as her soft, throaty laughter filled the room. "Oh God," she muttered between gasps, "Oh God, that explains a lot..."

"Explains what, Juuhachi?" Krillin demanded. "What the hell is going on, you guys?"

Juuhachi sat her daughter onto the couch before standing to face the group. "Those mushrooms the girls picked have something in them that's a natural aphrodisiac," she explained, noting with some satisfaction the open mouths and widened eyes at the implication. "By themselves, they are potent, but not overly so. But," she paused for effect, "when mixed with alcohol... Well, let's just say it wouldn't be implausible for someone who's had the combination of the two to be unable to control themselves around the first person they happened to stumble onto."

Chichi gasped. "Wait! The sauteed mushrooms we made..." she breathed raggedly.

Juuhachi nodded. "I remember thinking that I hadn't bought any for us to cook with, but I didn't consider it any further until now."

"So what you're saying is that we unknowingly loaded ourselves full of some concentrated sex-drive inducers that made it so we would jump the first person that crossed our path once it was in our systems?" Bulma questioned in disbelief.

Juuhachi nodded once again before Krillin disrupted the conversation. "No way! You guys..." A broad, knowing grin took over his features. "No wonder you guys all look so rough this morning! Man, am I glad I brought the kids in when I did," he went on, missing the odd looks that were directed his way. "Wouldn't want them walking in on you guys... ya know... all over the house!" Then his smile turned down as he looked at his wife. "Hey babe, I saw you eating them. What'd you do?"

"I handled it."

"Oh, alright, but you shoulda come and got me," the little man whined jokingly, earning him a crooked smirk from his stoic mate and an indignant huff from the fuming ouji that he thankfully didn't notice.

"Well, in that case, I guess we better go," Goku piped up suddenly, wrapping an arm around Chichi's waist. "We... uh... had fun," he risked. He received several snorts and sighs from his friends at the comment.

"Yeah, I guess you guys had a busy night." Then the man turned to Yamcha and regarded him curiously. "So what'd you do while they were all doing their thing?"

Yamcha's eyes widened considerably at the question. "What... what do you mean? I didn't do anything! I... I..."

"Well, you and me are the only ones allergic to mushrooms, so I-"

Chichi gaped. "What?!?!"

Everything came to screeching halt as a deep, menacing growl filled the room. Chichi's midnight eyes became big as saucers, and she immediately spun around.

"Goku?"

The normally benign Saiyajin was looking anything but at that moment, his teeth bared in a fierce snarl and his narrowed onyx eyes glaring daggers at the now cowering human across from him.

Yamcha took a step back. "Hey... uh... c'mon Goku... I... uh..." he stammered as he subtly turned towards the door.

"You've got ten seconds."

The fact that Goku had the ability to move over great distances at the speed of light didn't register as the scarred man fled for his life, leaving a startled bunch behind him. True to his word, Goku put two fingers to his forehead shortly thereafter, despite his wife's fervent pleas not to, and disappeared. As soon as he left, Bulma and Videl both spun on their husbands. Gohan, looking quite terrified, didn't have to be asked before he made chase to hopefully calm his raging father down, while Vegeta stated he would go, if only to see the overgrown bastard actually act like the Saiyajin he was for once in his life.

With their men gone, the women were quick to follow for no other reason than they couldn't stand to be in the same room at the moment, though they promised before going their separate ways to meet in a few weeks to discuss. Gossip was still gossip, after all.

Krillin's now completely stupefied gaze moved back to Juuhachi, who simply shook her head in return.

"Don't ask."

Down the hall, the old man was drooling with perverse anticipation. From what he had just overheard, those video cameras he had spent so much time meticulously scattering throughout the house, as well as around different sections of the island, were going to provide a whole lot more entertainment than he ever imagined...

And with his imagination, that was saying something.

~OWARI~