Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ By Myself ❯ By Myself ( Chapter 1 )

By Myself

by: Vegeta's Mate

A/N: This is my small contribution to the "Save the Songfic Challenge" on Saiyajin_Secrets. I do not own Vegeta or Goku, or any other character associated with DBZ. I therefore cannot own "By Myself" by Linkin Park....oh well, a girl can dream can't she? ~:evil little grin:~

"bleh" =speech

~bleh~ =thought

Warnings include: sap, angst, hints at Yaoi, but no sex. (sorry guys)

Flashes of pitch black mop could be seen in the moon lit darkness as I stalked my prey through the deepest jungles of Africa. His intoxicating scent tantalizing my nostrils as I hunted him. ~Yes my pet, run!~ I thought, my nose in the air to catch more of that alluring scent.

A soft grunt and a few mild curses made their way to me on the evening breeze, letting me know that my prey was struggling.

Pity.

"You are mine!" I howled in to the night, hearing his breath quicken.

I darted left to flush out my intended target and was favorably surprised to find that I had been duped. ~Clever little bastard~

My prey rushed out of the woodwork and dashed past me, eluding my grip. "I will catch you, you can not run forever!" I growl and dart out to catch him, impatient to claim what is mine.

"I belong to no one!" he called over his shoulder as he pours on more speed. "Catch me..... before I catch you!"

~That bastard!~ I thought, ~We shall see when this night is over who has been caught!~

I fly after my rapidly escaping prey, so intent on catching him I failed to see the trap until it was too late. With a roar of victory from my prey I am tackled to the ground and pinned beneath his smaller form.

"Kakarotto..." he sighed as he claims my mouth in a possessive kiss. His hands clench in my hair, holding my mouth to his.

Kicking out my feet I flip us so that his slighter form is pressed in to the soft earth beneath me, and proceed to ravage that blazing orifice that had, just moments ago, been the ravager.

This man, this Saiyajinn beneath me is the one being on this planet that understands me, he knows that the 'happy baka face' is just that; a face I put on to hide the pain of being laughed at, that is the reason I initiated this hunt.

HE sees me differently.

Vegeta cares and he sees ME, not the idiot that I show the world. Once, and only once, he watched the mask crack. Since then our relationship changed from sparring rivals to something more.

~FLASHBACK~

We were training in the desert, full out 'going-to-kill-each-other' training when Bulma decided that the 'idiot' had had enough rough treatment and interrupted us.

"Ok Vegeta, you've beaten on poor Goku enough. I saw how hard you hit him, you'll be lucky if you didn't knock what is left of his senses loose." she said by way of greeting.

"Oh. Hi Bulma!" I called with false cheer, "What brings you out here?"

"I want you to go to C.C. and clean up, Mom will make you something to eat. Now Vegeta," she said taking for granted that I would not argue with her. "I've told you that you can't hit him on the head. He's brainless enough with out you making it worse."

I froze, she'd never been this vicious before. With an effort I kept my smile.

Vegeta growled and dropped to the ground, "Woman do you realize that you talk about him as though he is too stupid to understand what you are saying?" he growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

I felt relieved that he would defend me. My smile became more genuine. Maybe she would say she was sorry....but that was not to be.

"Vegeta, he probably doesn't even hear us, he's too busy thinking over the food my mother is going to feed him." she laughed and shook her head, "Poor Son-kun never hears anything after food is mentioned."

I felt my heart crack. My expression must have shifted because Vegeta looked over at me then growled at Bulma.

"Look what your heartless chatter has done! Even Frieza never spoke of another as though he weren't there! It is too easy to make an enemy if you underestimate someone."

My heart felt as though it were shattered, the broken pieces lodging into my lungs and gut. I could feel myself bleeding internally and with each drop that was shed, I felt my mask fissure and break apart.

"Bulma, please go." my voice was a strained whisper that was almost not heard.

"What's wrong, Goku? Vegeta! You hurt him!" she yelled before stalking up to where I had landed. "I told him to not hurt you, Goku. I'm sorry that he was so rough, come on let's go to C.C. and get you fixed up." she cooed, her voice sickly sweet.

"No woman, you need to leave him alone. He's not physically hurt." Vegeta came to my rescue, he made her go away.

Bulma left in a blast of sand, dust, and fury as her hover bike took off. Vegeta looked after her as she went on her way. I didn't wait around, afraid that I would break right here in front of Vegeta and dishonor myself. I blasted off for the nearest wooded area at full speed, desperation lending me more speed than I truly possessed.

By the time I found a wooded area, tears were standing so deeply in my eyes that I couldn't see, and I dropped my power allowing myself to nose dive into the ground, uncaring of the damage it inflicted.

I burrowed deeper into the furrow I had created on impact and let loose the sobs that have been trying to escape for the last ten years.

I was so lost in my sorrow that I didn't sense or hear Vegeta land next to me.

"Why do you hide?" he had asked, I could feel his hand on my foot mere seconds before he jerked me from my self made hiding place.

"Why would anyone care, Vegeta? That's the question I want answered." I asked as I pulled away to sit facing away from him.

"If you hide your pride and let it all go on, then they'll take from you `till everything is gone, Kakarotto. That is a lesson I learned when I was young, you would do well to heed that advisce." his voice was soft, his inflection saddened and with those few words he stood and walked over to me. "You must do what is best for you Kakarotto, I can not tell you the right path. I can only give you my advice."

My eyes widened in shock, "Vegeta?" I queried turning to look at him, "Since when do you care?"

A snort and a "baka" was my answer. His hand hovered over my shoulder uncertainly for a moment before I felt the light pressure of his gloved hand. With a sigh I relaxed and leaned my head on his hand, drawing as much comfort from that one touch than all of the hugs and kisses I had ever received.

Vegeta sat down beside me and pulled me to lean against his shoulder, "I have always cared, baka. You belong to me."

"I'm your rival, that doesn't make me yours." I said my heart slowing it's river like bleeding to a slow trickle.

"Do not play the idiot for me, Kakarotto." he growled tipping my face to look at him. "I know there is more to you than this "baka" face. I have put aside my animosity at you for being the one to destroy Frieza, I deserve to know the baka within." he growled.

I straightened from his shoulder and averted my face, "I'm not hiding Vegeta, I am the same person inside that I am outside, for the most part." I finished softly hugging both my knees to my chest.

I was surprised when he gripped my shoulders and spun me to face him. I was even more shocked when he pulled me to his chest and stared down into my face, his eyes boring in to mine. "Kakarotto." he whispered before dipping his head and pressing his forehead to mine. "Tell me what goes on in that head of yours."

"Why do I put up with the way they treat me? I know I make the right moves but inside I'm lost. I put on my daily facade of the cheerful idiot but then, I just end up getting hurt again by the people who are supposed to love me. Why do they make me feel worthless?" I blurted out, my throat closing on the last words in an effort to fight back the sobs clawing their way out of me.

Vegeta raised his head and looked into my eyes again, "Because you let them." he whispered, holding my face closer. "And now you are going to let me do this." he mouthed softly before flaming satin lips caressed my own.

A shock of electricity shot from his mouth to mine as our lips touched in what had to be the most mind blowing kiss I had ever received, as I gasped he took advantage and plunged his tongue in to my mouth.

Whirl-winds of pleasure raced through me....yet in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think, ~Do I trust him and get fooled by phoniness,
or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?~ My heart made my decision for me and I drank in his kiss like a man parched for water.

His grip tightened momentarily before he released my mouth, I moaned in despair at the loss.

"I have waited ten years to do that and I will wait another ten, if it is necessary, to do it again."

~END FLASHBACK~

Now he is mine, every inch of that lithe, muscular form and I will never let him go.

"By Myself"

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]

[x2]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

[Chorus:]
I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I
Turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll
Take from me `till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be out done
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
by myself [myself]

[x2]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

[Chorus]

How do you think I've lost so much
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch
How do you expect... I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to

[x2]
Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside

[Chorus x2]