Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Chi Chi's Potpourri ❯ Just Blaze! ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not mine! If it was, Master Roshi would be a pimp, have a pimp hat with a feather in it, a magic stick (pimp cane), a diamond crusted pimp goblet, and Bulma and Chi Chi would be his hoes. So be thankful!

A/N: This fic contains a lot cursing (yes, I'm a potty mouth! =P ) and drug references. I got this idea after hearing a friend tell a story on how they took someone's weed, rolled a blunt full of tobacco, and watched everyone else as they `got wasted' off nothing! Hope you like it! And please, PLEASE, (I can't stress this enough… well, maybe I can…) REVIEW! Thanks!

Chi Chi's Potpourri

"GOHAN!!!" Chi Chi yelled from the kitchen. Her shrill voice reached his sensitive hearing making his body jump out of the bed before he had even awakened.

"Gohan, you had better wake your behind up or I'm gonna--" Chi Chi looked an inch below her to find her son grinning at her, completely dressed for school. "Oh, there you are! I told you to get to bed early last night, didn't I?" Chi Chi glared at him when he remained silent. "Answer me!"

Gohan sheepishly opened his mouth to speak. "Well, dad--"

"Don't talk back to me, young man!" She screamed. Gohan knew that was going to happen. "Since you decided to oversleep today, you'll just have to eat your breakfast on the way to school." She handed him his lunch and an extra bag that contained his small breakfast.

He took the bag away from her and made his way to the door. `Geez! She's a little bitchier this morning than usual!' Gohan thought with disdain. She was still ranting at his retreating back.

"--better hope you don't fall asleep in class and let me find out about it either!" He gripped the cold metal of the doorknob, thankful that peace and quiet was now tangible. "And you think I didn't hear that smart assed remark! I heard it and I have half a mind to give you a beating so bad, it will make your father's hits seem like love taps for using that fucking language in my house! What did I tell you about that damn cussing?"

"WHA--!?" `How the hel-- How did she hear me?' Gohan thought with his mouth hanging open in shock.

"I'm a mother. Mother's know EVERYTHING!" Chi Chi's eyes widened with her last word and she laughed manically as Gohan escaped behind the door.

"I guess it's that time of the month, again." Gohan sighed and flew off to school.

***

Goku looked up at his son as he flew off to school. He knew Chi Chi was going to blow up that morning since he and Gohan had been up late training the night before. He had slipped out of the house before sunrise and took a long, long walk and was now on his way back. `At least she's already vented a little.' He thought, feeling a little sorry for his firstborn. `Well, I might as well get this over with.' He slowly turned the doorknob, stalling the inevitable, and crept into the house. `I guess things have calmed down. Chi can be a real bitch sometimes!' He continued in a half walk, half glide through the house. `Maybe she went shopping or something.' He thought with a smile. He turned around and his jaw dropped to the floor.

"So glad you finally decided to come home, dear!" Chi Chi was leaning against the door with her arms folded. `How the hel- How did she do that!?' Goku thought. The feat she managed to pull off was nearly impossible. Goku was still in the living room and the only way to get to the door was to walk past him, unless you were to come in through the front door. He had closed the door behind him and it hadn't opened since. `Maybe she learned how to do instant transmission…'

"Hey Chi Chi!" Goku said nervously. "How are you?" Chi Chi's eyes turned blacker (if that were possible) and her smile faded.

"You were supposed to take out the trash last night, Goku. And because you kept Gohan up all last night, he overslept this morning!"

"Chi, honey I'm sorry. I'll take out the trash right now and I promise not to have Gohan up too late again, okay?" He held his breath as his wife remained silent. He felt the sweat begin to roll down the space between his eyes when she quirked one eyebrow.

"Alright. I guess I can forgive you since you have been getting Gohan to bed at a decent hour lately, with the exception of last night…"

"Whew!" Goku sighed. "I'll take out the trash right now!" With that, he ran (literally) to the kitchen and grabbed up the two black plastic bags and headed out the back door.

`What can I do to calm her down? Think Kakarrott, think! I could try-- Ooh look, a butterfly!' Kakarrott-- Err… Goku, dropped the bags in the usual spot and crouched down to look at the small monarch butterfly move its wings back and forth on a leaf. `You don't see too many of these around here…' He thought while examining the insect.

"Hey little fella. Chi loves you little guys, but I think you're kinda ugly for a butterfly!" Goku said happily to the insect. The butterfly picked that moment to fly away and Goku thought he heard the words `Piss off, bitch' come from it before it flew off.

`I gotta stop drinking!' Goku thought while shaking his head. He turned and stood, looking at his surroundings. The forest was lit brightly by the sun, giving everything more color. That was what had caught Goku's eye. `I know! Chi likes to burn that po-po… potpourri stuff when she's stressed out. I'll just get some flowers and burn those in that little jar for her!' He went around the area and grabbed whatever flowers that smelled good and bunched them in his hand. After a few minutes, he was pretty happy with what he collected. `Wait, that stuff usually has leaves in it too, doesn't it?' He reminded himself, having seen Chi Chi burn the stuff countless times. `But what leaves smell good?' He looked around again and his eyes rested on the leaves that the butterfly had used as a perch minutes ago. `Those will be okay, I guess.' He grabbed a handful of the medium sized leaves and walked back into the house to help soothe his fuming wife.

***

Gohan snapped his head up as the last bell rang, letting everyone know that school was over. "I WASN'T SLEEP, DAMMIT!" Gohan yelled, still in a trance. He laughed nervously at the few stares he got from a group of girls that were still in the classroom.

"We're all aware of that Mr. Son." His teacher's voice said sarcastically.

"Sorry, Mr. Sakurai. I didn't sleep too well last night."

"I'll let it slide just this once since you're ahead in your studies. But don't think I'll be so easy next time!" He warned.

"Yes sir. I'll make sure to get some extra sleep tonight."

"Alright, Gohan." He handed him a few sheets of paper. "Here's your homework for tonight. If you have any questions about it, the material is on page 103 in your textbook."

Gohan yawned as he went to his locker to get the rest of his things. He was just glad that school was over. When he closed his locker, he found a familiar face smiling up at him.

"Oh, hi Shelly!" Gohan said. He had a small crush on her when school started, now they were friends, kind of.

"Hey, Gohan! Are you going to that party at Mike's tomorrow night?" She asked, her blue eyes shining.

"Naw. I got some things to do at home. Have fun though." He said as he started to walk away.

"Gohan, can you do me a big, big favor?"

"Yeah, sure. What is it?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. I just need you to hold something for me until tomorrow." She flipped her blond hair over her shoulder. "I'm taking it to the party but I need a place to put it." She said.

"Why can't you just take it home?" He asked curiously.

"Because someone might find it there! My sister's are always going through my stuff! Please Gohan?" She looked at him pleadingly.

"Okay, give it here." He sighed. She took out the small plastic bag from her backpack and placed it in Gohan's hand. His jaw dropped when he realized what it was.

"Michelle, I can't hold this!" He said in a hushed tone. "If my mom finds it she'll kill me!"

"Please Gohan? It's only till tomorrow, I swear!" She promised.

"I can't do it! I'll be skinned alive if she finds it!"

"Can you just do it this one time, Gohan? Can you do this for a friend?" She begged, giving him the puppy-dog eyes.

He sighed. "Okay, Shelly. I'll hold it for this ONE night! You'll get it back first thing tomorrow morning. And don't expect me to do this again for you!"

She wrapped her arms around Gohan. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you Gohan! I'll see you tomorrow!" She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and ran off to catch up with her friends. Gohan sighed again and placed the clear bag in his backpack.

`I can hear mom now if she finds this; `So, you smoking that shit now huh, Gohan?' This is the last time I hold weed for anybody! The things I do for love!' He thought. He headed for home, feeling a headache coming on.

***

Piccolo landed softly on the grounds of Goku's house and suppressed his ki so that he wouldn't be detected. The last thing he needed was for someone to come barging in on him checking up on his `investments'. It was bad enough when he got caught planting it when the boy came outside. Piccolo told him that he wouldn't tell his mom about his pet dragon as long as Gohan kept quiet about the plants.

He walked around to the back of the house and past the two garbage bags that sat at the end of a short walkway. He looked over to the large flower bed and his eyes widened. "What the…" He walked quickly over to where his `investments' had been planted and became angry. "Somebody been picking off my shit!" He said to himself. Just then, his sensitive nose picked up a distinctive scent coming from an open window of the house. "I can't believe they been smoking my stuff!" Piccolo looked down at the cannabis plant that had obviously been ripped apart. "You can't even grow weed in someone else's backyard without them getting a cut anymore!" He shook his head and took the remaining leaves from the plant and stuffed them in a plastic bag. He then flew off as quietly as he came.

***

Goku walked into the living room and plopped down on the sofa, excited to see Chi Chi's face when she smelled the potpourri. He took all the stems off the flowers and carefully crushed the leaves he had collected, then he flared his ki slightly to dry the plants without destroying them. Dumping the now dry items into the round burner, he lit a match and dropped it into the jar, blowing gently to get the leaves burning. `Chi Chi's gonna be happy when she sees this!' He thought to himself. He actually found himself enjoying the flowery, yet woodsy scent.

`Hm, I wonder if it's supposed to make that much smoke. Oh well…' He looked at it curiously before brushing his thoughts aside. "Hey Chi!" He called.

"WHAT!?" She yelled.

"I got something for you! Come downstairs!" A few seconds later, she was standing in the living room.

"What do you have for me?" She asked disdainfully with her arms folded.

He held his hand out toward the beige colored burner. "Ta da! I know that potpourri helps relax you, so I made you some!" His innocent smile melted Chi Chi's heart. (Alright everyone, say it with me! 1, 2, 3, Awww ain't he sweet!)

"Oh, Goku! You spoil me rotten, sometimes!" She walked over to him and hugged him.

"That's my job, Chi!" He said into her hair. The smell of her shampoo mixed with the potpourri made an even more pleasant scent.

She looked down at it. "Hm, is it supposed to make that much smoke? Oh well…" She snuggled closer to her husband.

1 hour later…

For the past half hour Goku found himself feeling weird, but he couldn't quite explain how he felt. The best way he could explain it was that he felt fuzzy inside. After he showed Chi Chi the potpourri, things had been going smoothly and they were actually sitting on the living room couch talking and playing like two teenagers with raging hormones. `I guess I did better than I thought!' Goku thought to himself about the plants he had picked. And they all came from their backyard.

"You know, Goku," Chi Chi brought him out of his thoughts by straddling his lap. "Gohan won't be home for a couple hours, and Mama Bear wants some hunny." She said seductively while grinding her body against his growing member.

Goku cocked his head to one side. "Are you saying Mama Bear wants Papa Bear to give her some dick?" He said cockily.

"Yeah, I am." She said into his ear. She moaned as he nuzzled her neck and gently bit and sucked on her creamy skin.

"If you're naked by the time I get up there, I'll give you more than that." He growled, letting his tongue slide out of his mouth. She watched eagerly as he slowly moved it up and down before returning it to his mouth, then she jumped off of his lap and bolted up the stairs. He watched as her shirt silently tumbled down the stairs.

With an evil smirk that could rival Vegeta's, he stood and picked up the potpourri burner. "She'll be screaming my name in two minutes!" He said to himself. He left the living room, picked up her fallen shirt, and made his way up the stairs. At the top of the stairwell he spotted her pink lacy panties on the floor. He picked them up and brought them to his nose. Her scent was heavy on the thin garment, making Goku growl deep in his throat. He continued his way to their room and found that his wife had already shed her clothing and was lying patiently on the bed. With a smirk he stepped into the room and slammed the door closed with his foot.

***

Gohan landed at his house after a long day of school to hear music blasting from the inside. `What the hell is going on now?' He thought. He walked inside and found the living room was pretty smoky. `Mom must have burned something again… Wait, that ain't regular smoke. That's…' He sniffed the air hard. "Mom and dad are gettin' blazed! And they been in my CD's!" Gohan ran upstairs to his parents' room and his jaw hit the floor. Goku was wearing a white tee, baggy jeans that were now sagging, and a pair of Timberland's. Chi Chi was wearing a tight fitting jean skirt, and a tight black G-Unit shirt that was split at the top to show her cleavage. Her black Kangol cap was tilted and covering half of her face (was her hair out!?). They were standing in the middle of the floor freak dancing (!?) to Chingy's `Right Thurr'. Gohan was frozen in shock. `Where did mom learn to dance like that?' He thought. Goku was lip syncing the words while he and Chi Chi grinded to the music. They were still oblivious to Gohan's presence, or maybe they didn't care.

*Look at her hips. Look at her legs, ain't she stacked?

*I sho wouldn't mind hittin that from the back.

*I like it when I touch her cuz she moan a lil bit

*Jeans saggin, so I can see her thong a lil bit…

Gohan left after he saw his father's hand start to creep up Chi Chi's leg. He went in his room and picked up the phone. `Mr. Piccolo might know what's wrong with them…' He dialed the numbers for Piccolo's cell and waited patiently until he picked up.

"Chico? I told you last time to have my shit ready for that drop-off!" Piccolo yelled in Gohan's ear.

"Uhh, it's me, Mr. Piccolo. It's Gohan."

"Oh… Wassup Gohan?"

"Nothing much. You wanna hang out or something? Mom and dad need to be alone right now." Gohan said, closing his door to block the loud music.

"Sure, why not? You know where to find me." Piccolo hung up.

Gohan hung up and looked at his backpack. `I should take this with me. Mom and dad don't need anymore weed!' He exited his room and ran past his parents. "I'm going to see Mr. Piccolo!" He yelled behind him.

"OKAY!" They both yelled.

"What else could happen today?" Gohan groaned as he flew to find Piccolo.

***

"Vegeta, you're going with me whether you like it or not!"

"I'd like to see you try to make me! I refuse to `hang out' with that third class lowlife and his loud mouthed harpy!"

Bulma was dressed and ready to go to a little get together she and Chi Chi planned. They were to meet at Chi Chi's house later on that night, but Vegeta refused to go. He was sitting on the living room couch with his arms folded flipping channels on the TV.

"Fine. No sex for a week." She crossed her arms in defiance.

He scoffed, not looking at her.

"Okay, two weeks."

He glanced at her then back at the TV, still unaffected. "Fucking Oprah…" He grumbled.

"Three weeks, Vegeta!"

"Woman, I can control my body. You're only torturing yourself that way!"

"You drive a hard bargain, Vegeta. Besides, I have my ways of satisfying myself! But since you put it that way…"

Sweat began to spring up on Vegeta's head.

"Four…" She shifted her eyes around the room before looking him in the eyes. "MONTHS."

Vegeta stood and growled something before he left the room. "What was that Vegeta?" Bulma called after him.

"I SAID I'M GOING TO GET READY! DAMN WOMAN, GO CLEAN YOUR EARS!" He stalked out of the room.

Bulma laughed. "Works everytime!" She picked up the remote and flopped down on the couch. "Ooh, Oprah's on!"

***

"So when I went upstairs, they were freaking in their room! I've never seen them act like that before!" Gohan and Piccolo sat in a field; Piccolo was listening to Gohan gripe about his parents' behavior. Gohan dropped his backpack on the ground and continued talking.

Piccolo sniffed the air. "Wait a minute…" He cut Gohan off. *sniff* *sniff* *sniiiiiiffff* His eyes zeroed in on Gohan's backpack. He snatched it up and started to rip it open.

"Wait, Mr. Piccolo! There's nothing in there but my books!" Gohan tried to take back his bag, but was too late. Piccolo had already found what he was looking for.

"Aha! I knew I smelled something! Why didn't you tell me about this, Gohan?" Piccolo held up the clear Ziploc sandwich bag that was half full of weed. He looked with disappointment at Gohan who was staring at the ground in shame.

"I-I-I thought that, umm, that you would…" Gohan mumbled.

"I'm just glad I found it before your mother did! She can be a real bitch sometimes!" Gohan looked up at him. "Great! Now I can stop hiding this from you! This cape was gettin' hot. It was aiight in the winter, but damn, its summer now!" Gohan looked up at his alien mentor in confusion as Piccolo took off his gear to reveal what he was wearing underneath. He was wearing a white beater and black jeans. He changed his shoes from the orange ones he usually wore to a pair of white Nike Air Force One's. He examined the bag. "Yeah, we can spark dis shit today! I just bought some blacks and a Philly…"

"Umm, Mr. Piccolo?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Why do you have a gun?"

Piccolo looked down at the chrome 9mm that was stuffed in the waist of his pants. "I forgot that thing was there!"

"But why do you need it? You could easily blow up anybody who messed with you."

He put his hand on Gohan's shoulder. "Gohan, have you ever been through a time when you just didn't feel like powering up?"

***

Vegeta scowled in distaste as Bulma and Kakarrott's harpy gushed over whatever had happened earlier that day between her and Kakarrott. He had long since blocked out what they had been saying and found himself falling asleep standing up in the corner.

"Hey Vegeta!" Kakarrott walked over clumsily to where Vegeta was standing, managing to trip over the couch. Vegeta didn't even acknowledge him. "Aww, come on Vegeta. I know you're not still mad about the Mario Brothers thing. I swear that was the first time I played it!"

Vegeta looked at Goku. "Kakarrott, what is wrong with your eyes?"

"Hn?"

"Your eyes look like they've been swollen shut!"

"Oh, that! Me an Chi Chi burned some potpourri and I think I picked the wrong kinda leaves for it! Maybe we were allergic to it or something. I dunno." He turned around. "Chi Chi, I'm hungry again!"

She turned around, eyes also puffy. "Kakarrott, you just ate! Then again… I got the munchies too!" She stood and walked to the kitchen and started to cook a Saiyan sized meal.

"But Chi," Goku whined. "I'm hungry now!"

"Oh, Kami… Here! Here's some chips. Now leave me alone!" Chi Chi threw him a grocery bag full of Doritos, Fritos, Funyuns, and just about every other brand of snacks from the market.

"Even I know that little bag isn't going to satisfy him for very long." Vegeta mumbled to no one in particular.

Bulma changed the subject. "So Goku, where's Gohan? Shouldn't he be home from school by now?" She asked. Goku was too engorged in his eating that he didn't hear her.

"Goku?" No answer. He was now on his fifth bag on chips.

"Goku?" She called a little louder.

"Ooh, a BIG bag!" Goku said excitedly as he ripped open the party sized bag of Doritos. He turned his head up and was now dumping the contents of the bag into his mouth.

"KAKARROTT!!" Bulma yelled.

*CRUNCH CRUNCH* "Hn?" Goku looked at her innocently, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Geez! It seems like that's the only name you've been responding to since you came down with this condition. Where's Gohan?"

"I think he said he was going to go see Piccolo. I was so fucked up I could barely understand him!" He laughed.

"So is that why your dressed like that? Where is your shirt?" She said with a smile.

Goku had ditched the shirt a long time ago but was still wearing the baggy jeans and boots. "I took it off. It was hot in herre!" He said. (For those who don't know, he said it's hot in here. Pronounce it as `her' or `hur'. Now you're almost as country as me!)

Chi Chi started singing loudly from the kitchen. "I am gettin' so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off!" She started to pull up her shirt from the bottom.

"CHI CHI, NO! NOT HERE!" Goku yelled. She snapped back to reality and fixed her clothing. Everyone turned their heads when Gohan opened the front door.

"Hey everybody." He said quietly. He still didn't know what to expect from his parents, but he felt somewhat relieved to see Vegeta and Bulma there. At least they could handle them if they got out of hand again. He walked further inside to let a thugged out Piccolo enter the house.

"What's really good, ya'll?" Piccolo greeted everyone. Goku looked up from his bag of Doritos and noticed that Piccolo was now in his house.

"Yo, wassup Piccolo?" Piccolo walked over to slap and lock hands with Goku before answering.

"Chillin'. I got this izzle from my mizzle *he pointed to Gohan* and we bout to get fizzle up in dis hizzle dizzle!" He pulled out the bag of weed and started to dance to whatever music that was in his head.

Goku brightened up instantly. "Fo' greezy?"

"Fo' sheezy!" Piccolo responded throwing the bag into Goku's lap.

Bulma and surprisingly Vegeta looked incredulously at Goku and Piccolo. Vegeta turned to Gohan. "Care to translate that, boy?"

Gohan stared at the floor. "Piccolo got that ounce from me, uh, I mean, his man and they're about to get high." He said simply.

"Since when did you start smoking, Piccolo?" Bulma asked.

"Shit, I been smoking for a minute. I'm surprised you don't smoke with all the shit you go through!"

Vegeta started to laugh smugly in the corner. Bulma turned to face him. "And what do you find so funny?" She placed her hands on her hips challengingly.

He looked at her. "Come now, woman. Are you really that naïve? He's been smoking for a while. Why do you think he always stands so far away from everyone else?"

"I thought he just liked his space." She answered with a shrug.

He started to laugh harder. "Baka onna. His clothes always smell like weed!" He rolled his eyes. "Of course you wouldn't be able to sense that. You have as keen a sense of smell as cue ball!"

"But Krillin has no nose, Vegeta!" Bulma stated.

"My point exactly!" He grumbled.

Everyone turned their attention to Chi Chi, who was yelling at Goku. "Dammit Kakarrott! I just bought that!" He had his head fully tilted back, again, and was squirting the whole can of Cheez Whiz into his mouth.

Bulma turned back to Vegeta, eyeing him suspiciously. "So Vegeta, how is it that you know so much about that?"

The corner of his mouth turned up into his signature smirk. "Cause I smoke weed too. I buy it from Piccolo since he stuffs his bags the fattest."

Bulma's jaw hit the floor. "WHAT?!"

"After all this time, how do you think I have managed to keep myself from wringing your neck? The only downside is that I get the munchies bad as a mutha. I almost ate your father's cat once."

"Vegeta, not Whiskers!" Bulma yelled.

"The damn cat shouldn't have walked on the table while I was eating!" He yelled back.

Vegeta was in the middle of sating his uncontrollable hunger after getting high in the gravity room. The table was full of food and he was ignoring everything else that was going on in the world at that moment. That's when Dr. Briefs' can, Whiskers hopped on the table. Unfortunately he got in the pathway of Vegeta's fork and ended up getting shoved in his mouth. Feeling the fur in his mouth, he started to go over what he had in front of him and noted that indeed nothing on the table was furry. The cat's meows in his mouth was a dead giveaway. Vegeta instantly coughed up the cat like it was a huge hairball and almost bursted with laughter after taking one look at the wet and shivering cat. "I guess the least I can do is wash you off." He said to the cat. His reached down and gently grabbed the cat and proceeded to hold it under warm running water in the kitchen sink. "Consider yourself lucky, little one. Next time you'll know not to walk where you don't belong!"

Vegeta inwardly chuckled at the memory. "Don't worry, he's still alive and probably clinging to your father's shoulder as we speak."

"He had better be!" Bulma huffed.

"Now if ya'll are finished with all that bullshit, are we gonna spark this or what?" Piccolo asked in annoyance.

Bulma turned up her nose. "I think I'll pass. That stuff makes your lips turn black and I don't want to ruin my perfect pouty mouth."

"Shit, that's cool wit me!" Piccolo said. He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a Philly. Everyone watched as Piccolo used his razor sharp nails to split the blunt and dumped the contents into a nearby trashcan. He told Goku to throw him the weed and started to roll the blunt.

"Umm… Mr. Piccolo, are you gonna use all of that?" Gohan asked. He just remembered that that weed was Shelly's and she told him to hold it for her.

Piccolo looked him up and down. "Hell yeah! It ain't all goin' in this blunt, but we gon smoke it!" After he finished rolling, he checked his back pocket again for his lighter, but couldn't find it. "Gohan, did you take my lighter?"

"N-no, I don't have it." He stammered.

Goku sung out. "Just gimme the light and pass the dro…"

Piccolo looked at him warily, but lit the blunt with his ki instead of questioning further. After all, it was only a lighter. "It's `bout to jump off shorty!"

1 hour later

"So I be tellin' Chi Chi, `bitch stop callin' me Goku! My fuckin' name is… is… Vegeta, what's my name?"

"Your name is Kakarrott. Now stop hoggin' the blunt!" Vegeta went to grab the blunt but Goku moved out of his reach.

"Hold up, HOLD UP!" Goku yelled. He paused and looked at Vegeta. "I don't know you like that!" He said calmly.

"Puff, puff, pass, bitch!" Vegeta yelled.

"Oh yeah! My fault, my fault Vegeta." He handed over the blunt to Vegeta, who stared at him like he was about to blast him. He put the blunt to his lips then pulled it back abruptly.

"What?!" He said to Goku. Goku put up his hands in surrender and shook his head. "That's what I thought." He took a puff. "This some good shit." He said to himself and took his second puff. He passed it to Bulma but she pushed his hand away.

"I told you already. I'm not doing that, Vegeta!"

"Then get the fuck out, you blowin' my high!" Chi Chi reached over Bulma's head and took the blunt. "See, even the bitchiest woman in the world is cool for once!"

"Chi?" Goku asked. Chi Chi had been inhaling smoke since Vegeta had started talking again.

"Damn, woman! Stop inhaling!" Chi Chi kept going, but soon went into a coughing fit.

Piccolo snatched the blunt from Chi Chi. "Hey! I didn't take two puffs!" She choked out.

"Bitch that was your two puffs!"

Goku stood up. "Hold the fuck up! You ain't gonna be disrespecting my ho-- I mean my wife like that!" He yelled, pointing in Piccolo's face."

"Count these rocks, biotch!" Piccolo sat down on the floor.

Goku opened his mouth to retort but stopped. He turned around. "Chi Chi, what rocks are he talking about?"

"Kakarrott, sit the fuck down!" Vegeta yelled while taking the blunt from Piccolo.

Goku followed Vegeta's orders and flopped back in his place on the couch. His face instantly lit up. "Hey guys I heard this joke! So a black man, a white man, and a Chinese man are driving along and their car breaks down, right…"

Bulma tried to take the blunt from Vegeta. "Gimme that. I'm going to need it after this."

"Hold up! You ain't put in on this, woman." Vegeta said while looking her up and down.

"You didn't either!" She yelled.

"That's because I'm the fucking prince! Saiyan no Ouji, bitch! You're lucky that I feel like being gracious today." He handed it to her and folded his arms. He suddenly turned his head back to her. "What?!"

Bulma looked around. "I didn't say anything, Vegeta!"

"That's what I thought."

Goku was still rambling. "…and then this horse walks into a bar and--"

"Kakarrott!" Vegeta interrupted.

"Yeah Vegeta?"

"Why in the hell do the spikes that you call hair constantly switch sides?" He asked.

(Jump to Goku, whose spikes are going to the left.) "Gee, I don't know. I never noticed it."

(Jump to Vegeta) The scowl on his face deepened.

(Jump back to Goku, whose spikes are now facing the right) He laughed and scratched the back of his head.

"Kami, you're an asshole!" Vegeta mumbled.

2 hours later

The living room was still filled with smoke when Gohan walked down the stairs. He was on his way to the kitchen to eat since he had yet to have dinner. Vegeta, Chi Chi, and Piccolo were sitting on the couch; Bulma was lying across all three of them with her head on Vegeta's lap. She must have passed out. Goku was sitting on the arm of the love seat talking with another blunt in his hand.

"Humans, Satan, *puff* midgets, unicorns, they ain't tryin' to see a Saiyan succeed!" (Ever seen the movie `How High'?) "You know what I say? I say fuck `em! Fuck all of them! The next time somebody tries to destroy the Earth, watch they be on my dick!"

Vegeta nodded his head. "True, true…"

*puff* "I'm sick of the man always tryin to keep us down!" *puff* Goku stopped in the middle of talking and closed his eyes. The quiet of the room was interrupted when he fell over in front of the couch with the arm holding the blunt extended up.

Vegeta nodded again. "True, true…"

"I know you guys didn't smoke all of that weed in one sitting!" Gohan said.

Piccolo looked up. "Naw." He took the blunt out of Goku's hand. "Wanna hit this?"

"No thanks. Mr. Piccolo." He pushed it away. "I don't smoke."

"Oh stop being a bitch and take a hit!" Piccolo shoved the weed in his face. Gohan looked uncertainly at Piccolo and took the blunt. He brought it to his lips and took a long hit. After two seconds, he started gagging.

"Ahh, virgin lungs. Aiight give it back."

"Hell naw!" Gohan said. "After all the shit I've been through today, this shit is coming with me!" He went to the kitchen and picked up the entire pan of stir fry that Chi Chi made earlier, then headed for the stairs. He looked Piccolo up and down. "Good night."

Piccolo looked at Gohan stunned. "Ain't this a bitch!" He looked around and saw that everyone else had either fallen asleep or passed out. "Well, I might as well go to sleep too." He leaned his head back on the couch and let sleep take him.

The next morning

Vegeta woke up the next morning before everyone else that had crashed in the Son's living room. He shook the fuzziness out of his head and looked down to see that Bulma was lying on him, drooling on his spandex. He immediately pushed her off of him, causing her to roll on the floor, or rather on Goku who was lying on his back directly in front of the couch.

The weight of her body brought Goku out of his sleep. Bulma's legs had conveniently straddled his head and her face was in his lap. Goku was shocked to say the least. "Gee, Bulma. I never knew you felt like that way! I mean, I'll do it if it's ok with Vegeta…"

Vegeta picked Bulma up. "I will not let my mate be defiled by your third class tongue!" He yelled, waking up everyone in the room.

"Come on, Vegeta. I'm not that bad at it! Chi Chi likes it a lot!"

Vegeta growled but ignored his comment. "We're taking off. We have… things to do." He stated. "I hate to admit it, but I actually enjoyed myself last night."

"Yeah," Piccolo agreed. "Let's do this again next week when my `shipment' comes in. Next time I'll bring some Hennessy."

"Alright, next week then!" Goku said, standing up. "Are you and Bulma coming?"

Vegeta shrugged. "Why not."

"Good! Now if you'll excuse me." He walked to the front door and opened it. "Will everyone on this side of the door, get on that side of the door? You ain't got to go home, but you got to get the fuck out of here!" Piccolo, Bulma, and Vegeta grumbled incoherently and walked out of the house.

Piccolo turned around and faced Goku. "Just for that, I'm making you buy the rolling papers. You owe me two Phillies and a black."

"Okay, can you take a step back?" Piccolo stepped back. "Just one more, you know, you all in my face and you got morning breath." He took another step back. "Alright, the door's about to close in your face…" Goku slammed the door. "Come on Chi Chi," He picked up his dazed wife. "I think it's still some potpourri left." He walked up the stairs with his wife in his arms. When he reached their bedroom, he stepped inside and closed the door with his foot.

Gohan had just finished getting ready for school and was headed for the door. He figured that he would just get breakfast on the way since his mother wouldn't be in much shape to cook after the night before. He was walking past his parent's room when he heard the kind of grunts and moans that a kid just doesn't want to hear coming from his parents.

"Great. Now I'm scarred for life… again." He said to himself. He left the house as quickly as possible and blasted off to the nearest Dunkin' Doughnuts, happy for the first time to be going to school.

Chi Chi's head shot up when she heard the door slam. "What was that?" She said, wiping the moisture from the side of her mouth.

"Nothing." Goku said quickly and pushed her head back down in his lap. "Ohhh YEAH…"

~Fin~

Poor Gohan! He seems to be the only sane one left in the group. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the madness of my sick and twisted mind! I almost hated to let this one go, but you can only stay high for so long (and mine has ended.) Don't forget to review!

(And now for a shameless plug) Be on the look out for my next fic `Cold Blooded Killers: Sleeping with the Enemy'. It's a suspense/murder fic that should be coming out sometime this month. So be a pal and check it out! I promise you'll like it!

Well, nothing else to say so please review, review, review! See ya!

Caramel Heart