Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Clueless-DBZ style ❯ I fully intend on breaking for animals like you... ( Chapter 2 )

Clueless, DBZ style
I do not own DBZ or the rights to the movie Clueless owned by paramount pictures.
Character list in Chapter 1.
*...*Bulma's POV..Thoughts...

*Here's the 411 on Mr. Son. He's single, he's in his 30's and he earns minor zeni for a thankless job. What that man needs is a good healthy boinkfest. Unfortunately, there was a major babe drought in our school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married. And in the grand tradition of P.E. Teachers, Miss Pan seemed to be same-sex oriented. Of course, there was always Miss. Satan. Something told me not to discount Miss. Satan. Well sure, she has short hair, and always wearing the same outfit, and she always wore no makeup. God, this woman is screaming for a make over. I'm her only hope.*

Bulma pulls out her favorite pink feather pen and starts writing furiously in a notebook near the office mailboxes for the teachers. ChiChi was with her smiling from ear to ear, watching Bulma write the note, and playing look out so they wouldn't be caught hanging around the office.
"Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, but the eternal summer shall not fade. Phat! Did you write that?" ChiChi asked reading from Bulma's note over her shoulder.
"Duh, it's like a famous quote or something."
"From where?"
" Duh, Cliff's notes. Where I get all my creative lines."
"Oh." Bulma hurries and finishes the note and shoves it in Miss. Satan's mail box where she hears her voice coming towards the office with Goten in tow.
"I know you're going to be better. Now, you run along and I'll see you third period and you will try to remember to bring your textbook." Miss. Satan said to him as she entered the office going towards her mail. Bulma and ChiChi had high tailed it out of sight as Miss Satan finds the note and starts to read it. Videl smiled as she read it getting a dreamy look on her face.
"Oh my god! She actually looked happy Bulma!"
"Ooooh, classic." Bulma grinned and raced towards her debate class.

"Nappa, 16 tardies to work off boy." Gohan told the scruffy looking teen. Nappa mumbled something in his native language earning laughs from his other Saiyan friends around him.
"Angela Mitchell, no tardies." The girl smiled to Gohan.
"Kisser!" The whole classes yelled out to her, getting a hurt look for the girl.
"Goten Son, 38 tardies. By far the most tardies in the class. Congratulations." The whole class cheers and applauds as Goten stumbled up from his desk heading for the podium.

"Wow, this is so unexpected, I, uh, I didn't even have a speech prepared. Uh, but I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many, many people have contributed to my tardiness. Uh, I'd like to thank my parents for never letting take flying Nimbus to school, the Capital City bus drivers for taking a chance on an unknown kid, and, uh, last but no least, the wonderful crew at McDonald's for spending hours making those egg McMuffins, which are my favorites, without which I might never be tardy!" Goten wiped a fake tear from his eye as he accepted his tardy award. His classmates laughing and snickering as Goten took his seat once again.

"Well, if Mr. Son has no political messages to include in his speech, I'll go on. Bulma Briefs, 2 tardies.
"I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?"
"One was last Monday Bulma."
"Mr. Son, I was surfing the crimson wave, I had to haul ass to the ladies' and the other one is from my Daddy. He needed my help." Gohan cocked his eyebrow to her.
"I assume your referring to women's troubles, and so I'll let that one slide."
"Thank you Mr. Son, Miss Satan was right about you." Bulma gave him a sly smile.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she said you were the only one in this school with any intelligence." Bulma played with her favorite pen watching Gohan's face. She was pleased with what she had said. Her plan to get him and Videl was finally set into motion.

"Bulma get in here!" Dr. Briefs yelled from the dinning room to his daughter. He adjusted his glasses as she came in.
"Yes Daddy?"
"Would you tell me what the hell this is?" Dr.Briefs holds up a bunch of papers in her face.
"Umm, a second notice on three outstanding tickets. I don't remember getting the first notice."
"The ticket is the first notice. I didn't even know you could get tickets without a drivers license."
"Oh sure you can. You can get tickets anytime."
"Oh, is that so?" Bulma nods her head innocently at her Dad.
"Well not around here you can't. From this moment on, you will not drive, sit, do anything in that Jeep without a supervised driver present. And no cruisin' around with ChiChi, all right? Two permits do not equal a license! Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Daddy." Bulma frowned.
"Bulma, I expect you to become a good driver. I want to see you apply yourself."
"I will Daddy, I will practice really hard."
"Ok, now get out of here." Bulma walked away slowly going outback to the pool.

*A licensed driver with nothing to do? Where would I find such a loser?*

She notices Vegeta standing poolside training, trying to enjoy the afternoon sun.

"Hey veggie breath, you got something on your chin."
"I'm growing a goatee." Vegeta replied turning around and throwing a few punches at her.
"Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last one at the college without chin pubes." Bulma smirked.
"I can't tell you how much I enjoy these little chats of ours, but in the interest of saving time, why don't you just tell me what you want."
"Ok, so actually I have a permit and can drive and all, but Daddy says I can't take the Jeep out without a licensed driver, and since your not doing anything and all, you know?" Bulma put on a pouty face, playing with a seam on her shirt watching to see if Vegeta would say yes to her.
"What are the chances of you shutting up until you get your way?" Vegeta huffed at her.
"Hmmm, slim to none. C'mon!"
"Hmpft!" Vegeta crossed his arms and glared at her. Bulma pulled him out of the lounge chair he plopped himself into and hauled him to her jeep.

"Hey, James Bond. In Japan, we drive on the left side of the road." Vegeta growled on her swerving into the other lanes.
"I am. You try driving in platforms. You know, you can borrow them anytime you want shorty." Bulma snapped out.
"Look, I got to get back to class. Ah, you want to practice parking?" Vegeta eyed her, white knuckling the dashboard.
"What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet parking. What class you going to?"
"Actually, I'm going to a special training meeting. We might get Hercule to beat on."
"How fabulous. Getting Hercule to take time from his busy posing schedule to come down to class for you guys can beat on?"
"You know, maybe Hercule wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution for us to us him as a punching bag. In case you have never heard of that, a contribution is the giving of…"
"Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits from Daddy to Piccolo, even though he refuses to wear anything but that cape and turban…"
"Time…funds…"
"And as soon as I get my license I fully intend to brake for animals like you, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance." Bulma smartly remarked.
"Which I'll bet serves your interests more then theirs. You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock."
"Oh, that'd be reason enough for me. Anything to rid myself of you." Bulma smirked. She could careless about Vegeta, but she wanted to prove him wrong.

ChiChi and Bulma wandered around the school cafeteria at lunch. Bulma's thoughts were some place else.
"ChiChi, would you call me selfish?"
"No, not to your face."
"Really?"
"What's wrong? Is Vegeta giving you shit because he's going through his post adolescent 'I'm the Prince' phase?" Bulma frowned before she sighed.
"Look, there's Mr. Son." Bulma pointed him out sitting at a table by himself.
Both girls ran over to him and smiled.
"Mr. Son, Mr. Son, umm do you drink coffee?" Bulma asked
"Well, not from this cafeteria. But, uh, yes under normal circumstances I do."
"Well, I am such a retard. When I was packing Daddy's lunch this morning I gave him my lemon Snapple, and I took his sucky Italian roast. Do you want it?" Bulma handed him the thermos to Gohan.
"Are you sure you don't want it?"
"Duh! It might stunt my growth. I wanna be 5'10 like Cindy Crawford. But I thought maybe you and Miss Satan might like it?"
"Maybe you can share it?" ChiChi added.
"Well, uh..Thanks girls." Gohan smiled took the thermos and poured himself a cup of the coffee.
"Sure." Bulma and ChiChi hauled ass out of the cafeteria down to Miss Satan's room.

"Miss Satan!" Both ChiChi and Bulma yelled as they entered the room.
"Hi girls, did you sign up for the martial arts fair yet?"
"Oh, yeah, we will." ChiChi shifted her books and purse around in her arms.
"You have such pretty eyes. Don't hide them. And these clips are so cute." Bulma said lifting Videl's long bangs out of her eyes and putting it back with some fancy hair clips.
"And this tiny little waist. Ooooh, wow." ChiChi exclaimed checking out the makeover victim.
"Girls, oh don't forget to sign up for the martial arts fair." Videl was speechless as she watched the girls leave the room in a hurry.
"Not a total betty, but a vast improvement." ChiChi remarked.
"Well, we did our best."
"Mmmmhmmm. I didn't have to get the frying pan out of my purse."
"We gotta book it if we're going to make it to P.E." Bulma pulled ChiChi along going outside to get to their next class.
"C'mon Chi."
"Ohh, I feel like failing, dude c'mon." ChiChi dragged her feet.
"I know what you mean, but at least it's exercise. I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of special K, three pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&M's and like three pieces of licorice. That's all that was left after Vegeta got done eating this morning."
"Oh my god! Look. Is that a photo op or what?" ChiChi pointed out Gohan and Videl talking on the benches outside of school, sharing the coffee Bulma had given him.
"Will you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That's an unequivocal sex invite."
"Oh Bulma, he's getting her digits, Look at Videl, she is so cute. They'd be so perfect together."
"Old people can be so sweet." Bulma hugged up on ChiChi.

*The entire student body was utterly grateful for the improvement in their grades after I got Mr. Son and Miss Satan together*


"Bulma what's this all about?"
"My report card Daddy?"
"The same semester?"
"Uh huh." Bulma nodded.
"What'd you do? Turn in some extra credit reports?"
"No."
"You take the mid-terms over?"
"Uh uh." Bulma shook her head.
"You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?"
"Totally based on my powers of persuasion. You proud?"
"Honey, I couldn't be happier then if they were based on real grades." He gave her a hug.
"Thank you."
"Fabulous."

*I felt so satisfied; I wanted to do more good deeds. But that didn't include Vegeta. He's such an ass sometime. Comes and lives at my house. Always putting me down with his remarks. I wonder if there's a way to kill him?*

Bulma and ChiChi are standing around out on a tennis court for P.E. bored out of their minds. ChiChi started sneezing like crazy, and Bulma looked at her with disgust and found a tissue for her to use.
"Chi, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring."
"Follow…Through! There you go, there you go. All right, Bulma. Earth to Bulma! Come in Bulma!" Miss Pan waved her hand in front of Bulma's face to get her attention back to the tennis lesson.
"Oh, Miss Pan? I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes to hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of care-free gum." The class starts to cheer Bulma's rant.
"Well, you certainly exercised your mouth Bulma. Now hit the ball." Bulma stepped up with her racket in hand as a ball wized by her head barely missing her nose.
"Miss Pan, that machine is just a lawsuit waiting it happen!"
"Thanks for the legal advice. Get back in line."
"ChiChi? You're up."
"Uh, no. Miss Pan? I have a note from my frying pan instructor, and he would prefer it if I didn't expose myself to any training that might derail his teachings."
"Fine, Bra?"
"Miss Pan. My plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing anything active where balls fly at my nose." Bra spouted off.
"Well there goes your social life." ChiChi snickered along with the rest of the girls from the class.

*Mr. Popo, the principal came out to the courts. It's strange seeing him outside of school, and especially without his watering can for his beloved flowers.*

"Miss Pan? Got another one here for you. Ladies, we have a new student with us. This is Number 18."
"18, you don't have time to change, but you could hit a few balls in those clothes." Pan said eying 18's street clothes.
"She could be a farmer in those clothes! Just look at them." Bra hissed.
"Chi, my mission is clear. Would you look at that girl? She's so adorably clueless. We have got to adopt her."
"Bulma, she is toe-up. Our stock would plummet if she hung around with us."
"Chi, don't you want to use your popularity for a good cause?"
"No, but I'll use my frying pan for a good cause if Goku doesn't stop acting like a goof."
"C'mere. Yeah you. C'mere and hang with us." Bulma motioned for 18 to join them. 18 looked them over for a second before walking towards them.
"Thanks."
"How do you like Capital City?"
"Man, this place is a total shit hole. I could really use some sort of a herbal refreshment though."
"Well, we do lunch in ten minutes. We don't have any tea here that's good, but we have Coke and stuff."
"No shit? You guys have Coke here?" Bulma and ChiChi looked at each other.

*18 is a weird one, but we can get her to fit in. So we decided to show 18 the ropes at Orange Star High School.*

"That is Launch's group over there. They do the T.V. station. They think that's the most important thing on this earth. And that's the Saiyan mafia over there. You can't hang with them unless you have a tail. And there is Trunks in the purple jacket, and all the most popular boys in the school." Bulma explained as they walked to lunch tables outside.
"That includes my boyfriend. Ain't he so cute?" ChiChi asked pointing out Goku chowing down on his lunch.
"Yeah." 18 said with a monotone voice.
"If you make the decision to date a high school boy, they are the only acceptable ones."
"Bulma, which one of them is your boyfriend then?"
"As if!"
"Bulma's has an attitude about high school boys." ChiChi said taking the sucker out of her mouth to answer.
"It's a personal choice, every woman has got to make for herself." Goku noticed his girlfriend and Bulma walk by and got up to give chase.
"Woman, lend me five zeni." Goku held out his hand to ChiChi.
"Goku! I have asked you repeatedly not to call me Woman!" ChiChi started to reach for her purse to get her concealed weapon out and use it.
"Excuse me, Miss ChiChi." He flashed his warm silly looking grin.
"Thank you."
"Ok, but street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but necessarily in a misogynistic undertone." ChiChi almost fainted, Bulma stood stunned.
"Whoa, did he just actually say that?" ChiChi's mouth hung open.
"Wow, you guys talk like grown ups around here. Amazing." 18 smirked.
"Oh, well this is a really good school after all."
"I'm going to go get a soda. You guys want?" 18 asked digging into her pockets of her baggy jeans.
"Sure."
"Alright, be right back."
"She's nice Bulma." Bulma squealed in excitement.
"Ooooh, project!"

18 made her way inside to the lunch line looking over the food that sat under warming lights.
"Whoa, that's disgusting." Goten scrunched up his nose at what was put on his tray.
"That's nice representation of dog food." He grimaced almost losing his appetite as he looked at 18's tray of gross food."
"Thanks. That's a pretty nice skateboard. Love the stickers." 18 flipped her blonde hair out of her eyes.
"Oh? You like 'em? See, I was thinking it was too cluttered. You know I wanna wipe all of this out and concentrate on one main decorative statement. Like, uh, a dragon. Right there." Goten pointed to the underside of his skateboard.
"I can do dragons." 18 said walking down the line to grab more food.
"Really?"
"Well there isn't much to them. Want to see?" Goten nodded his head as 18 opened up her notebook full of pencil drawings.
"Wow that's really cool. You drew them?"
"Yes of course! Tracing is for infantile humans."
"You're really good at it. I like them."
"No I'm not. Just something to pass the time while teachers drone on."
"No you are really good, I swear."
"Yeah, what ever." 18 grumbled as she walked away going back outside to find ChiChi and Bulma to sit with for lunch.

"I met a cool guy I suppose." 18 said sitting down next to Bulma and handing out sodas to them.
"Describe please! I want to know who it is."
"Alright. He's got kinda long black hair that sticks up all over. Kinda funny, and straight off he offers me some smoke. There he is." 18 pointed him out as Goten walked by.
"Are you talking drugs?" Bulma's mouth gapped open in full stare at 18.
"Yes of course I am."
"18, how old are you?"
"I'll be sixteen in May I think."
"My birthday is in April. And as someone older then you can I give you some advice?" 18 nodded to Bulma.
"It's one thing to spark up a dubie and get laced at parties. But it's quite another to be fried all day long." Bulma pointed out a group of guys and girls sitting away from everyone else.
"Loadies generally hand on the grassy knoll over there. They come to class and say bonehead things, and we all laugh. Of course, but no respectable girl actually dates them. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot around here do you?"
18 shook her head.
"I've got an idea, let's do a make over!" ChiChi's face lights up at the thought while 18 slumped down to hide.
"No, no way guys."
"Oh, c'mon! Let us! Bulma's main thrill in life is a make over. Ok, it gives her a sense of control on a world full of chaos. She was born with style."
"PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE???" Bulma begged. She so wanted to do it.
"Sure why not? Shit, I've never had friends before."
"Great!" Bulma and ChiChi both shouted.