Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Cookies and Cream ❯ One-Shot

Pairing: Goten/take a wild guess

Warnings: Squick

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this fic except maybe a box of Keebler Cookies

For peoples without the blessings of Keebler Cookies: http://www.keebler.com/about/elves.jsp

Cookies and Cream

One memorable day, Goten was sitting alone in his house. Since he was hungry with the hunger for sweets, he was currently rooting through his kitchen looking for something that contained sugar. However, his mother had apparently gotten rid of all sugar-loaded goodness after what had happened last time Goten got hyper.

"I can't help that I broke the table...and the couch...and the armchair...and the car! It was their fault for seducing me with their inviting looks!" Goten lamented as he remembered how sore he had been after that episode of sugar-induced lapse in judgment.

"Man...I would do anything for some cookies right now," Goten whined as he stared at the food his mom had left him. As soon as the words left his mouth, the sky turned dark and lightning stuck the same place twenty times. Feeling a cold breeze flow through the house suddenly, Goten looked around nervously. Then he felt it. Someone was in the house with him.

"H-he-hello?" he squeaked out as he tried to locate the intruder. All the lights went out and the teenage demi-Saiyan was plunged into darkness, well not plunged since he never really moved, it just got dark, you know?

"MORTAL! DID YOU SAY THAT YOU WOULD DO `ANYTHING' FOR SOME COOKIES?" boomed a loud and demonic voice - just imagine the scariest voice possible and have them say that line.

Goten looked around in fright and tried to hide under the new table. "Who-who are you?"

"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, BITCH! ANSWER ME OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY AWESOMEST POWERS!" the scary voice answered back angrily.

Goten winced from the loud angry tone yelling at him. "Um, yes, I would like some cookies...uh...if-if that's okay with you?" he said in a scared little girl voice.

"BUWHAHAHAHAHAHA! PREPARE TO BE HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY DEMORALIZED FOR YOUR PRECIOUS COOKIES!" the voice screamed. There was a loud buzzing noise and suddenly all the lights came back on. Goten looked around hesitantly before slowly climbing out from underneath the table.

"Well that was odd...oh well! Back to the hunt for food!" Goten said with a shrug.

"That won't be necessary," said a kind, if somewhat squeaky, voice behind him. Goten froze at the voice and slowly turned around, which was probably hard since he was frozen. There he saw the most disconcerting thing standing before him.

The Keebler Cookie Elf.

Goten's eyes went wide at the broad grin, pointy shoes, and big red hat on the elf. "Maybe I don't need the cookies after all..." Goten said as he tried to convince himself that it was all just an illusion.

The elderly elf smiled wolfishly, "You already said you would do anything for the cookies, and now you're going to change your mind? That will never do!"

"The Keebler Elf just talked to me. I must be going crazy. No. It's not real. Yeah. It's not real," Goten said, trying to brainwash himself.

"Oh, I'm real alright. You'll see how real I am," the elf said with a wink.

"No. He didn't really say that. It's all in your head, Goten," the young half-breed said while he punched himself in the face.

"The only thing that will accomplish is ruining that lovely face of yours," Elf said as he grabbed Goten's hand. "Now, how would you like some cookies, sweetie?"

Goten looked down at the pint-size elf and frowned, "Well, I do want some cookies...and those Keebler cookies are right tasty...but are they worth my sanity?"

"Yes! Our Keebler cookies are the finest in any land! The special ingredient is love!" the elf said with a cheesy smile.

"Um, I guess so...well let me have some then," Goten said in defeat.

"Gladly!" Keebler Elf said as he magically produced a box of those Soft-Bake cookies that are so fucking good. Goten eyed the box for about one second before grabbing them out of the elf's little hands and inhaling them at a rate faster than the speed of those fat kids in a hot dog eating contest.

Unbeknownst to Goten, but knownst to us, the Elf's eyes began to glow red and a menacing smile crossed his usually kindly looking face. He raised his small hands and wiggled his chubby little fingers and BAM! All of Goten's clothes mysteriously disappeared!

The young demi-Saiyan looked down at his naked body and instantly said, "Man, I'm pretty."

The Keebler Elf also looked at Goten and said, "Man, you're pretty."

Snapping his head up, but avoiding neck injury, Goten looked at the Elf in disgust. "Dude, you are so not allowed to check out my naked form!"

The Keebler Elf stared into Goten's deep eyes-and began to laugh. "Ho, ho, ho! You have to pay for the cookies, kid! Didn't you pay attention in economics class? There is no such thing as a free lunch!"

"But it wasn't lunch...it was just some cookies..." Goten said in confusion. The Elf rolled his eyes in exasperation and walked over to Goten, whom he proceeded to pick up and throw onto the round table.

"Lunch...cookies...they all digest the same. So time to pay! Muwahahaha!" the crazed Elf said in a crazed voice as he ripped his own clothes off to reveal his pride and joy. Goten's eyes were immediately drawn to the proudly standing...PINK HELLO KITTY VIBRATOR!

"Oh. My. God. Why do you have a pink Hello Kitty vibrator for a dick?" Goten asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the frightening sight. The teenaged boy was entranced by the happy, little cat smiling at him from atop the dildo.

The Elf looked down at the sex toy/cock and smiled as he petted it lovingly. "Well, all us elves are eunuchs, so I had this vibrator grafted onto my body so that I could engage in sexual intercourse with the elf boys. I like their screams...heh..."

Goten was near the point of no return to sanity and just couldn't comprehend the words that were coming out of the elf's mouth. This must be a hunger-induced hallucination. Yes. Goten was sure of it.

But before he could convince himself that shutting his eyes and telling himself that it wasn't real would make it go away, he was flipped onto his stomach and quickly entered.

"YEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWCCCCHHH!!! HOLY HELL! FUCK, MAN! GIVE ME SOME WARNING AT LEAST! A LITTLE LUBE WOULDN'T FUCKING HURT EITHER!" the normally gentle Saiyan screamed as the pinkness filled him.

"Oh yeah, baby, scream for me like that," the Elf purred into Goten's ear.

"Get it OUT of me!" shouted Goten in a mad rage as he attempted to buck the Elf out of and off his ass. However, that only made the Keebler guy more persistant.

"UUUUhhhnnnnn! Work that thang, boy!" Ernie, which is the elf's name because I got tired of just typing `elf,' moaned. Reaching down to the pink dick thingy, he turned on the vibrating goodness and pushed deep inside the screaming boy.

Goten's eyes went round as Ernie hit the spot, so to speak. And to show his appreciation, he began to sing in a loud, falsetto voice.

"OH, SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE AT LAST I'VE FOUND YOU!"

Thrusting in and out of the now pliant form, Ernie grinned in satisfaction as he watched the little smiling kitty disappear into the body and then reappear seconds later. Ernie laughed in triumph as he brought the young man to orgasm, actually I don't know why he was laughing because I'd be pissed, since he couldn't orgasm too, you know?

Anyway, Ernie left the trembling Goten face-down on the table and went to sit on the couch and dunk his yummy Keebler cookies in a tall glass of Man Milk.

Owari!