Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Crossing the Boundaries ❯ Living Without You ( Chapter 12 )

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I'd driven for hours on that first night...drove until I could no longer focus and feared that a lack of rest would result in a fatal crash. Morning had come and gone, and the afternoon, warm and bright with possibility, did nothing to ease the determination with which I drove. I was running from a pain that I couldn't escape, and it would be a long time before I could sit still without hearing those damned words murmuring in the back of mind.

The first place that I stayed in was rundown and seedy - the stereotypical flea bag motel if you will, and if I could have kept my eyes open any longer, I'd have passed it by in a heartbeat. The sun was sinking on the horizon though, and my need for sleep far exceeded all else by this point. I quickly paid the shady fellow behind the counter and grabbed the key to the room without ever directly meeting his gaze.

One window of the room was cracked and covered with plastic, and the pale rust colored carpet had seen better days. But the bed looked clean at least; the plain white spread unwrinkled and free from stains. No sooner did I slip off my shoes than I collapsed onto it...not even bothering to turn down the covers.

Much to my surprise, I didn't dream that night. The sleep that blessed me was deep and unhindered by the emotional turmoil wrought by recent events. I slept as if I hadn't done so for weeks though it was mere days since this all began.

When I woke there was a strange sense of emptiness that I couldn't quite explain, and to ponder on the cause for too long would have surely plunged me that much sooner into the depths of a depression that would come in its own due time. For now I was content to live numb - caught in a self imposed state of denial that would carry me through until those protective walls cracked and shattered around me. For now I would make myself believe that I didn't care.

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Over the next two weeks this pattern remained the same. Driving, sleeping then catching something quick to eat at a roadside diner before starting the process all over again. I thought about nothing but the road ahead and where the next exit would pop up. If I ever stopped to look at a map, I couldn't tell you.

Here and there a well meaning stranger in one place or another would attempt to engage me in polite conversation, but I always ignored their petty banter. I didn't need them anymore than I needed Trunks or Goku or anyone else for that matter. My soul concern was for the child I was carrying - the only person who would need me and love me without condition.

So it was for the sake of the child that I finally halted my travels in a small, nondescript town in the middle of nowhere. I'd become so accustomed to being on the move that it felt strange to be in one place for more than a day, but I knew that I should see a doctor and try to rest for a while.

After spending two days at the local inn I managed to find a room for rent. The owner of the house was a widow with three grown children and a fixed income who wasn't much for company but needed the money. The living arrangement encouraged me to find work as a cashier at a department store in town. The hours were long and the pay meager, but it kept me busy...for a little while.

Day and night blurred into a continuous cycle of mindless motion until the day I went to visit the doctor. He confirmed that, yes, I was pregnant and about a month or so along at that, and he scheduled some routine blood work for the following day. I promised to go right after work though I had some reservations about actually doing it.

That night as I was laying out clothes for work the following morning a thought occurred to me. As the child developed, its power signature would become more defined, and it would only be a matter of time before Vegeta and the others could sense it despite the distance I'd put between us. Would they come after me?

This was the first time that I had allowed myself to really think about the truth of the situation since I'd left, and it was then that the walls I'd built began to crack. Sleep did not come easy once I'd finally laid down, and when I did doze off, sometime after three I suppose it was, I had uneasy dreams about the man I'd left behind.

I woke over half an hour before the alarm sounded, and I felt the repercussions of the restless night in every inch of my body. It was difficult to concentrate on getting ready for work as my mind kept straying to the dreams I'd had. It was the first time I realized how alone I was.

My thoughts drifted back to that last conversation with Gohan, and I could still envision that look in his eyes when he'd spoken of Videl and Pan - such love reflected in them. How could he and Trunks be so different? Why couldn't the young prince find happiness in the impending birth of his child?

Such thinking brought to mind unwelcome memories of those two nights I'd spent subjected to his sexual whims, and it only served deepen my feelings of melancholy when my body warmed to those thoughts. Had my mind become so detached from the rest of my being that one could no longer understand the workings of the other, for surely that could be only explanation for this traitorous reaction?

I forced myself to leave the house thinking that I could forget again if I were to lose myself in the monotony of everyday life as I had been doing in the passing weeks. Unfortunately, three hours into my shift I grew lightheaded and nearly fainted at the register. I practically begged them to let me stay, but the supervisor firmly insisted that I take the remainder of the day off.

Against my better judgment I kept the appointment to have blood drawn, and the hematologist commented that I looked like I needed rest. I simply told her that I'd had a late night and intended to go home and take a nap. She seemed satisfied with that so I left without further incident.

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That night was no better than the one before it. I slept but found no peace, and in the morning when I woke it took all I had just to climb out of bed. I called the store and told them that I still didn't feel well - perhaps it was the flu - but I'd let them know as soon as possible if I'd be in tomorrow. On top of everything else, I'd soon be without a job.

I was sitting by the window in my room staring out at the magnificent autumn display. The trees were a symphony of vibrant reds and warm golds against an endless expanse of blue where tiny bits of cloud drifted lazily across the picturesque scene. I watched them, envious of their simplicity. How lovely it must be to float in the sky all day with no pressing purpose, no destination, just drifting away wherever the wind carried you.

Suddenly, I burst into an uncontrollable torrent of tears. It seemed as though my heart was breaking...again.

I sought to find some memory of comfort...something to ease my heart to silence again, but there would be no reprieve. This unexpected emotional eruption stirred only the most heart wrenching of images. Every moment that I wanted to forget flashed in my mind with a relentless intensity - from the first time I'd laid eyes on Trunks to that devastating instant he made it known that our child was a mistake to him and nothing more.

A fierce agonized cry tore from my throat, and I slammed one fist onto the window sill.
Why couldn't I just find it in me to hate him? He'd brought me nothing but pain since he'd first touched me, and still every thought of him renewed that same longing and need to be with him. It didn't make sense! Why couldn't something just make sense for once?

" What in creation is going on in here? "

My tantrum was instantly subdued as the door was thrown open and the owner of the house stormed in with a broom clutched in one hand. " Damn it, what's all the commotion? "

" I - " my eyes grew wide and my face flushed in embarrassment " I didn't mean... "

" For someone who's taken off sick, you seem right well enough to me, " she grumbled snidely and backed out of the room with a wary glance.