Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ DBZ Whose Is it Anyway? ❯ Chapter 1

DBZ Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Discliamer: I don't own DBZ, Whose Line, or any other show referred to in this fic.

!Warning!: Contains sexual references!

Goku: Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", on tonight's special DBZ show…

Camera goes to Krillen in his orange "Roshi" clothes, happily combing his hair.

Goku: "I'm gonna whip your hide!", Krillen!

Camera goes to Vegeta in a pink shirt and blue jeans, pointing a gun-like hand at the camera.

Goku: "I'm gonna kick your butt!", Vegeta!

Camera goes to Hercule in his normal brown outfit, putting up both fists.

Goku: "I'm gonna beat you down!", Hercule Satan!

Camera goes to Bulma in her Capsule Corp. clothes, looking seductively at the camera.

Goku: And "Can't we settle this over a cup of tea?", Bulma Briefs!

Camera goes to Goku in black slacks, white undershirt, black suit jacket, and red tie.

Goku: And I'm your host Goku, come on, let's have some fun!

Goku sits down at his "desk".

Goku: Hello, hello, and welcome to a special Dragonball Z version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right the points are like all the Tournaments after the Cell Games. If you've never seen the show before, these performers are gonna come up and make up everything right off the top of their heads, and I give them these fake points, and at the end I pick a fake winner. And the winner gets to sit here at my desk, and the losers will be, after the show, "getting jiggy with it". Let's start off with a game called "Superheroes", this is for everybody, but starting with Vegeta. He's gonna be an unlikely superhero trying to solve a world crisis, and he's gonna give Bulma her superhero name, and she's gonna give Krillen his, and so on. But what we need is the name of an unlikely superhero…

Audience: Michael Jackson Man, Captain Butt…

Goku: Captain Butt, and what's the crisis in the world?

Audience: Fat people, No fast food…

Goku: No fast food! So you're Captain Butt and there's no fast food in the entire world! What are gonna do?

Vegeta puts his hands behind him to make it appear that he has a giant butt.

Vegeta: I sense trouble! I better check the Crisis Monitor. Holy Gluteus Maximus, fast food is disappearing everywhere! I hope my super friends arrive soon!

Bulma comes out.

Bulma: I'm he…yeah, nice backside!

Vegeta: Thank you! Thank goodness you're here…, `thinks big butts are sexy girl'!

Bulma: What's the problem you big boy with a big butt!

Vegeta: There's no fast food!

Bulma: Forget about that you buff big bummed man!

Krillen enters.

Krillen: Sorry I'm late!

Bulma: You're here! Captain Frat Boy!

Krillen: Woo!! WOOOO!!!! Yeah!!! We need fast food, man!! Whoa, man, you're butt is huge!

Hercule enters.

Hercule: I'm here!

Krillen: Alright, it's Drill Sergeant Man!

Hercule: Now, listen up! Hey, you! Yeah, you, miss googol eyes! Don't look at him like that! There's no fast food, huh? Just press this button! PRESS THE BUTTON!!!

Vegeta presses a pretend button.

Hercule: Well, I've got to get back to my men, or should I say ladies? (Leaves scene)

Krillen: Yeah, man, and I gotta get loaded!

(Leaves scene)

Bulma: Well, I got to go, here's my phone number! (Leaves scene)

Vegeta: Looks like another crisis averted! Now, to put on my pants!

Goku presses the buzzer and everyone sits down.

Goku: A thousand points to the World Martial Arts Champion, Hercule! Now on to a game called "Weird Newscasters"! Vegeta is going to be the anchor of a news program. Bulma, you're the co-anchor, and you are "Extremely Paranoid"! Krillen, you'll be doing the sports, and you are "The fat Majin Buu"! And Hercule, you're the weatherman, and you're "Elmer Fudd"! So, when you hear the music, go on!

News music plays.

Vegeta: Good evening, and welcome to the "Just about 6 o'clock, but actually 5:59 and 57 seconds News", and I'm Sometimes Onbutusuallyoff! Top story today, "Tragic lollipop accident leaves Candy Land in rubble!" Now to my co-anchor and lovely wife, Bulma. Bulma?

Bulma(Extremely Paranoid): Ah! Why did you turn it over to me? They'll see me! You'll never take me alive! (Runs backstage screaming)

Vegeta: Um…OK! Let's see what's going on in the world of sports with Ken D. Coated. Ken?

Krillen(the fat Majin Buu): BOOO!!!! Ha-Ha-Ha! There was much Pow-Pow-Pow and Ow-Ow-Ow! Mike Tyson was fighting Evander Holifield and saying "Me eat you up! Me eat you up!" Back to you!

Vegeta: That's amazing! He sounds just like my Uncle Fred! Now let's go to our meteorologist, Chance O. Showers, Chance?

Hercule(Elmer Fudd): Thank You! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

Tomawwow it's going to get vewy, vewy hot! Pewfewt weather fow hunting wabbits! Back to you!

Vegeta: This just in, speech impediments are on the rise! Well, that's it for the News, this is Sometimes Onbutusuallyoff and I quit!

Goku hits the buzzer and everyone sits down.

Goku: You know, if Buu and Elmer were fused, that was me last night! Man, was I loaded! Ha-Ha! Thousand points to everybody! Now on to one of my favorite games, "Scenes from a hat"! (Vegeta and Bulma on the left, Krillen and Hercule on the right)

Before the show, we ask the audience to write down suggestions, and one of things we ask for is scenes they'd like to see acted out. We take the best ones put them in this hat, and we see how many the performers can act out, starting with: "Bad Anime/regular cartoons Crossovers"

Vegeta steps out

Vegeta: And now for "Sailor Scooby-Doo"

Goku laughs presses the buzzer, Vegeta goes back to the side, and Krillen comes out

Krillen: It's now time for "Samurai Ash"

Goku presses the buzzer pulls out another slip of paper

Goku: "Rejected names for Dragon Ball Z"

Bulma: And now "The show about 7 yellowish balls that, when gathered together, summon a giant dragon who grants wishes!"

::BUZZ::

Hercule: Now time for "The Goku Show"!

::BUZZ:: ::Goku pulls out another slip of paper::

Goku: Aw, man! Come on! "What Bulma Briefs is thinking right now."

Bulma: Get this over with, so Vegeta can pleasure me!

::BUZZ::

Hercule: I'm not wearing any panties! I'm not wearing any panties!

::BUZZ:: ::Audience and Goku laugh hysterically::

Krillen: Is it just me, or is Goku's tie a clip-on?

::BUZZ:: ::Goku pulls out another slip of paper::

Goku: "Things you`ll never see."

Vegeta and Hercule come out, Hercule punches Vegeta, and Vegeta falls to the ground and screams "OW!!!!!!"

::BUZZ::

Vegeta (singing happily) : Zippity-do-dah, Zippity-day! My, oh my, what a wonderful day!

::BUZZ:: ::Audience laughs hard and Goku takes another slip of paper::

Goku: "DBZ self-help books that would be unsuccessful"

Vegeta: "How to be a real winner" by Hercule Satan!

::BUZZ:: ::Laughs::

Hercule: "Discovering your nice side" by Vegeta

::BUZZ:: ::Goku pulls out another slip of paper::

Goku: "Bad things to do during a wedding"

Hercule: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to…go! Go! GO!

::Goku hits the buzzer repeatedly with his fist, laughing hard:: ::Everyone sits down::

Goku: Aw man, whew! "I'm not wearing any panties!"? If I had a nickel for every time Chi-Chi said that to me…

Hercule: …You'd have a dime!

Goku: That's right! Hey, good luck with your new show, man! [My idea: Justice (yeah, I know it sounds stupid)] Let's go on to a game called "Film, TV, and Theater styles"! This is for Krillen, Bulma, and Hercule. But what I need from the audience is some styles of film, styles of theater, and styles of television.

::The audience gives numerous suggestions and Goku some down::

Goku: OK, that's enough! What's gonna happen is Krillen, Bulma, and Hercule are going to act out a scene, and I'm gonna buzz in these styles, and they'll have to change to each style I indicate. So, the scene is "Superman, Hercule, has come to save Lois Lane, Bulma, from his Arch-enemy Lex Luthor, played by Krillen." So start out normal, and I'll buzz in these different styles.

Bulma (acting like she's tied up): You'll never get away with this, Luthor!

Krillen: Ah, but I will Miss Lane!

::Hercule enters the scene::

Hercule: Release her, Luthor!

::BUZZ:: Goku: "Martial Arts Film"

Hercule and Krillen: WAH!!!!!!

::Hercule and Krillen start fighting Martial Arts style:: ::BUZZ:: Goku: "Baywatch"

::Hercule and Krillen start fighting in slow motion::

::BUZZ:: Goku: Now, keeping it clean for the censors, "South Park"

Hercule: Hey you, respect my Authoritie!

Krillen: Mmph! Mmph-Mmph! ::BUZZ::

Goku: "Survivor"

Hercule: Lex, The tribe has spoken! ::BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ::

Goku: Well, sadly no points for that game! Now on to "Hoedown", with 18 on piano! ::everyone gets up and stands in the order of: Krillen, Vegeta, Bulma, Hercule:: Now what I need the audience is something pertaining to Dragon Ball Z! ::someone in the audience says "Super Saiy-Jins":: Super Saiy-Jins! OK, let's here "The Super Saiy-Jins Hoedown"!

Krillen:

Super Saiy-Jins are so great,

One I wish I could be.

"Why?" you are asking

Well, I tell you, see,

Being even stronger and faster,

That would be so keen

`Cause then I could better satisfy

My wife, Eighteen!

Vegeta:

I am a Super Saiy-Jin

And it is so sweet

And I well tell you

Why it's such a treat,

Being married and a Super Saiy-Jin

Fun has never died

Because my wife, Bulma

Is always satisfied!

Bulma:

I'm married to a Super Saiy-Jin

And can't tell a lie

I tell this

He can sure satisfy!

How good he is

Will be said

The most active place in our house

Is our bed!

Hercule:

Super Saiy-Jins are so great

They are the best

They're so wonderful

They're better than rest

But about Super Saiy-Jins

There's something I must tell you,

That I, Hercule Satan,

Happen to be one too! (Goes Super Saiy-Jin)

Everyone: Happen to be one toooooooooooo!

(Everyone sits down and Hercule goes normal)

Goku: A million points to Hercule for going Super Saiy-Jin! And now "Irish Drinking Song"! This is for everyone again with 18 on the piano! (Performers stand in the order as they were sitting.) What we need for the audience is someone you admire. (Someone shouts "Goku!") O.K., now remembering you can kick your butt in about five seconds, let's here the Goku Irish Drinking Song!

Note: For writing time purposes I will refer to the performers by their "first" initials.

ALL: OHHH! Idedidedidedidedidedidedi!

K (Krillen): His first name is Goku,

V (Vegeta): His last name is Son,

H (Hercule): He's stronger than Superman,

B (Bulma): He's purer than a nun!

K: He can fight better

V: Than any other man could,

H: But though he's a great fighter,

B: You'll never catch him in the hood!

ALL: Oh, Idedidedidedidedidedidedi!

V: His sons' names are Goten and Gohan

H: His Granddaughter's name is Pan

B: But try to hurt them

K: Or he'll kick you in the can.

V: His wife's name is Chi-Chi,

H: She is really hot,

B: But don't say that to his face

K: Or out of you he'll beat the snot!

ALL: Oh, Idedidedidedidedidedidedi!

H: He can go Super Saiy-Jin,

B: 1, 2, 3, or 4!

K: Any time he wants to,

V: So he can beat you to the core!

H: Oh, he is amazing

B: And he's a "tough box",

K: But when it comes to intelligence,

V: He's dumber than an ox!

ALL: Oh, Idedidedidedidedidedidedi!

B: He's a really cool guy,

K: And a nice one too

V: He would be a good friend,

H: Though he has a low I.Q.!

B: But don't ever cross him,

K: Don't ever do it all,

V: `Cause if you ever do,

Hercule: He'll kick you in your Dragon-Balls!

ALL (audience and Goku are laughing hysterically while Krillen, Bulma and Vegeta try to hold back their laughter): Oh, Idedidedidedidedidedidedi! Oh, Idedidedidedide-di-de-di-de-DIIIII! (Krillen, Vegeta and Bulma break into hysterical laughter) (Performers sit down)

Goku (still laughing): Wow! That was the funniest thing ever!

Vegeta: "He'll kick you in your Dragon-Balls, oh, Idedidedide…"

Goku: Aw, man! WOO! (Stops laughing) Anyway, tonight's winner is Hercule! Hercule's the winner! Now, him, Krillen, Vegeta, and I are gonna do ANOTHER HOEDOWN!!

(They stand in the order of Vegeta, Goku, Krillen, and Hercule.)

Goku: Now what we need from the audience is the of another anime show, other than DBZ! (Somebody says "`Tenchi Muyo!'!") O.K., `Tenchi Muyo!' is good! So, here's the `Tenchi Muyo!' Hoedown!

Vegeta:

Tenchi Masaki

His fighting is not bland

With the Lighthawk Wings

He kicks evil's can

Certain parts on his body

Couldn't be nicknamed "Shrimp"

But I still could beat the crap out of him

`Cause he is a wimp!

Goku:

Tenchi Muyo!

It is a great show

I watch it all the time

Oh, I love it so!

I'm obsessed with it

`Cause you see

I legally change my name

To Goku Masaki!

Krillen:

Tenchi Masaki

Seems quite sublime

But with all those women after him

It really is a crime!

It really unfair

It really not right

`Cause I bet he

Gets lucky every night!

Hercule:

Tenchi Masaki

He is the man

I wish I was like him, `cause it

Seems to me, Hercule Satan

Being like Tenchi

I wouldn't be in a rut

`Cause all those women would be

After my `you know what'!

ALL: After my `you know whaaaaat'!

Goku (laughing): Hey, that's it for this "DBZ" "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

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