Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Downward Spiral ❯ Chapter Six ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Six

His dark eyes travelled to Goku for support, it nearly broke his heart to gaze at him. He looked so distraught, all the joy in his face had vanished and tears had already formed in his eyes; to think, these cuts were hurting him as much as what Gohan had did . . . it was his fault Goku was so heartbroken.

A powerful shudder shivered down his spine. He was really hurting them wasn't he? Every cut might as well be a blow to their hearts. He did this to feel better yet it only made them feel worse, and Goku - Goku looked like the cuts were on his skin and not Vegeta's! The guilt burrowed deep within him as his mind shattered. The last thing he wanted was to hurt them. Kami! He hated himself so much!

Wildly his heartbeat against his ribs, pounding painfully within his throat, every breath he took was fast and forced and the sickness was rising so fast . . . What did they want him to say? What could he say? Damn it - that damned earth expression was wrong, the truth wouldn't set him free it would only bind him to his pain . . .

“Vegeta?” Goku choked out the word as tears ran over his skin; he watched Vegeta as his soft hands ran up his jacket doing it up, blocking the red stain from sight. “Is it - is it blood?”

“Yes.”

The silence was deafening. It felt like all eyes were burning upon his chest. Piccolo was the first to break the quiet as a low grunt escaped his throat; he was staring through the windows of Gohan's room, looking at the boy carefully. Surely what Vegeta was doing wasn't that important? Why were they even bothering with him for?

Gohan was lying there, after nearly losing his life, in great emotional pain and depression, then there was Goku who was being abused and beaten by Chi - then there was Vegeta, and what -? Vegeta thought his problems were equal or more serious than theirs? He thought he needed to resort to cutting himself to make them go away? Gohan and Goku couldn't control the pain that was inflicted upon them but Vegeta could! He was trivialising all their agony!

He'd be damned if he gave into such attention-seeking, the Prince just wanted the spotlight as always, in battles, in life and in general and he was just trying to be the centre of attention, jealous of a boy on a hospital bed. No way in HFIL would he give into that . . .

“I'm guessing you three are going to want to talk?”

“Yeah, of course we are,” Bulma said, confusion filling her speech, “I think we really need to.”

“Well personally what Vegeta does isn't concern my concern, he can damage his body however he wants but he won't be getting my attention for it. I'd rather keep watch over Gohan. Tell me when you're done.”

Vegeta's eyes rolled as the Namek walked away. He felt lucky that Piccolo didn't care; it made things easier for him, but Bulma on the other hand . . . She cared as much as Goku and for that he was probably most unlucky. He cricked his neck acting nonchalant.

Bulma brushed a hand shakily through her hair as crystal tears formed and ran as waterfalls over her pale skin, despite her pain she still seemed quite angelic, the way her blue eyes focused upon him with such interest was almost magical.

“Vegeta? How?”

“How what?”

“How did you get that blood on you?”

He sighed, looking away from her. Maybe the truth wouldn't be so bad? She'd appreciate the honesty over a lie, right? “I - I cut myself on my chest.”

“So, it's self-harm?”

He nodded. Why did she care so much? He wasn't hurting her! He hadn't picked up his blade and carved their skin, had he? Besides it was his body, he had a right to treat it how he pleased . . . This wasn't her concern. Still, if he really believed that then why did every glance he dared to give her fill him with remorse? His tail swung behind him nervously. He had to get out of here, he couldn't bear this any longer, it was too much! They were both so hurt . . .!

His breathing sped up as he realised how nervous he truly was, the pain was carving him deeply and he just wanted, needed one cut to erase it, he needed it to go!

“It isn't important. Don't worry. All that matters is that Goku is okay.” He looked over to his companion and felt his tears rising again; he tried to act calm and unbothered. “You okay, Kakarott?”

“Vegeta! Goku is fine. I'm going to make sure that Chi doesn't come near him, and he knows he can talk to you or to me whenever he needs to, you on the other hand -. You never talk to me! And I can protect Goku from other people but how can I protect you from yourself? So don't you tell me it's not important because it is!” She paused, choking on tears. “Vegeta I want to help you, I really do! But how can I when you won't even admit it's a problem?”

“It's not a problem though! It helps me deal and cope with things! If it weren't for these bloody cuts then I might be lying where Gohan his in his place, you guys might be crying over me instead. If you ask me cutting isn't a problem it's a solution - it's the only one I have and it keeps me alive,”

“Vegeta there's other ways to cope . . .”

“Yeah? You don't think I know that?”

Crap! He could feel the tears falling down his face; this was weak! He was showing a great weakness and to them of all people - the two he trusted and loved and he was showing them this weakness! Kami knows what they'd think of him. He could feel his anger rising with his pain. He was weak, he needed punishment for this, he needed to get rid of this feeling - if they weren't here then he could help himself, just one cut he thought . . . Then again that was what was scaring him most of all, recently he needed to do more of them and do them deeper just to get the same relief . . .

He breathed deeply and tried to calm down. “Don't you think if there were other ways to cope I'd have used them?”

“I don't know, I didn't even know you were doing this, I don't even know why you're doing it. Vegeta, listen to me, I want to help you -.”

“Look, we can talk about this later. Tonight maybe. Right now isn't the time, onna.”

“Well when is the time? This couldn't have started just this minute; so how long has it been going on for? How long have you been doing it? And why haven't you made time before now to talk?”

“I didn't want to worry you.”

“Well it's too late for that . . .”

Vegeta collapsed against the cold wall, leaning on its cold surface for support; it was the only thing that could keep him upright right now. His mind was spinning in rapid circles and his head ached with an intense pain. Why couldn't she understand? He wasn't doing it to hurt her, that's why he never told her! Damn it - why did no one understand . . .

He sighed and covered his eyes with his hand; this was too much.

“Vegeta?”

He looked up through watering eyes; it was Goku's voice. It was strange really, Goku was his friend and rival and even though he felt so awful, and was showing him such weakness the sound of Goku was reassuring . . . It was calming.

Goku's heart melted as he looked at Vegeta. He was so beautiful, so handsome and he had so much going for him, so much power and potential - in fact he had reached the same power level as Goku! All his training had paid off and he'd achieved his life-long goal! Yet, even though he achieved his aims and despite his beauty he had all this pain inside him . . . Where was the justice? He just wished he could do something to help. Seeing Vegeta in such internal agony made his heart rip in two . . .

Giving Bulma a reassuring smile he walked slowly over to Vegeta, standing close beside him. He had to do something to make him feel better, he couldn't let this carry on - if Vegeta ended up in the situation Gohan was in, he didn't know what he'd do . . . Looking into his eyes gently Goku gave the kindest smile he could muster and leant even closer.

His heart fell - the Prince couldn't even bring himself to look Goku in the eyes! His face was just so full of guilt and pain . . .

Goku moved his hand slowly up over Vegeta's arm, tracing the muscles lightly; he just wanted to help him, to make him feel better, and he loved him too much to see him hurt. His hand soon found its way to his neck, and his other hand placed extremely softly upon his chest, he held him softly; Vegeta flinched at the touches not expecting either. His hands were so cold but so comforting, the contact felt good.

Gently he stroked his neck with his thumb and came even closer to Vegeta, whose tail was now waving playfully behind him. He tried so hard to control it but he couldn't - his tail just kept waving on its own accord. Damn it! Was he really enjoying this? Goku was probably trying to comfort him as a friend and he acted like a schoolgirl in return? At least Goku didn't know how strong he felt right now . . . Still, why was he enjoying this so much? Why did it make him feel so much better? Kami, this wasn't right but he wanted more . . .

He sighed and looked at Goku curiously. Why was this Saiyan stroking his neck for anyway, that wasn't a normal thing when you were trying to comfort a friend, right? That was something you did to a -. Man, he was probably totally wrong. He had to get that notion out of his head!

“Vegeta, please, we just want to help you.”

“I know that Kakarott.”

Bulma gave a sharp cough and walked over to Goku, in her eyes was a look of annoyance and worry; she tapped Goku on the shoulder firmly. Giving him an expectant look she shook her head - he shouldn't be doing this, it might make it obvious to Vegeta how Goku felt, ore it might just make him feel uncomfortable . . . “Goku, remember what we were talking about in Gohan's room . . .?” She nodded subtly at Vegeta.

“Yeah, what about - oh.” She meant he shouldn't be touching Vegeta like that, right? It was crossing the line, or wasn't appropriate or something . . .? She was probably right, he was upset and acting like this wouldn't be helping.

He sighed and let go of the Prince who was now looking quite dejected. Vegeta wrapped his tail quickly around his waist and looked away blushing, hugging his body tightly. Wait - Vegeta was -? Goku gave a little silent laugh and a smile. If he didn't know better he'd say Vegeta was blushing! He looked kind so cute crimson . . .

“Vegeta?” Bulma started, distracting Goku from his thoughts, “Piccolo's already offered to watch Gohan, so why don't you go get Goku's things and take them home and we'll meet you there?”

“Why?”

“Because we all need some rest, especially Goku and you after all you've both been through, and Goku's staying at ours, remember?”

“Fine, whatever.”

“Oh and whilst your out you can pick Goten and Trunks up from school.” She gave a laugh as Vegeta's usual look of fury returned, he always hated been given orders or work to do, and picking up the `brats' from school wasn't his idea of fun, that was the onna's damn job . . .

“You want me to break the news to them about Gohan?” He said with a devious smile.

“No!” She cried, a little louder than she wanted. “If it's anything like your talks with Trunks it'll go along the lines of, `oh Gohan's dead. Or something, I can't remember really I just know he lost a whole load of blood. Oh yeah kids, Goten's dads been abused and kicked out of home, so you'll have plenty of time to ask him all about it. Hey! Don't cry you brats or I'll kick your ass!' Am I right?”

“The direct approach works best.”

“There's direct and then there's disturbing!”

“Who cares? It sounds all right to me, and if it was up to me that's what I'd tell them. What's wrong with it?”

“Everything's wrong with it! Unless emotionally scarring them is your goal!” She sighed and shook her head, “Look just go get the boys and Goku's stuff.”

“And where am I supposed to put his stuff?”

“I don't know.” She said flustered. “Just put in your room out the way for now . . .”

Goku watched Vegeta as he strolled down the corridor and out of sight; he smiled to himself admiring the sight. Man, he loved Vegeta so much, and just touching him like before had made him weak and his heart melt, he just wished he could spend longer with him, talk to him, be with him . . . He jumped as Bulma cleared her throat loudly.

“Goku? Why don't we head back to CC now? It'd be good to talk a while, and when Vegeta gets back I think it's really important that we all talk, and an early night would be good too - the sooner we wake up the sooner we can see Gohan.”

“Bulma?”

“Yeah?”

Goku looked away nervously, what would she say if she asked her what he wanted to? Would she think it a bad idea? Would she think it sweet? Only one way to find out. . . Besides he could do with some good advice. “I was wondering . . . do you think that when Vegeta gets back I should tell him - you know?”

“That you like him?”

“Yeah.”

Bulma gave a sincere smile. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

Well at least she approved, but Kami! It'd be so hard to tell Vegeta . . . Maybe he should go for the more direct approach and just show him? No - that wouldn't be good, would it? Well Bulma wouldn't agree, he knew that much . . . Damn, how was he supposed to tell Vegeta? Turning a crimson red Goku scratched his neck nervously.

“Don't get embarrassed Goku, it's all completely normal - and besides he might feel the same way about you too.”

“I hope so . . .” He muttered.