Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Dragonball Live - MSTed! ❯ Dragonball Live - MSTed! ( One-Shot )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Mystery Saiyan Theater 3000 Post 102 Dragon Ball Live! Written By: Vinny Makk MSTed By: Persona (Scene opens on the bridge of the Satellite of Saiyans, Son Goku can be seen decorating a Christmas tree.) "Oh, hello! I'm Son Goku, and I'm just decorating the satellite for the holidays! As Goku pulls a branch towards him to wrap some lights around it, he is blissfully unaware that Vegita has walked into the room. "Ah, that's the last one!" Goku said triumphantly as he let go of the branch. He was about to get the tinsel when....... *THWAP* "YAAA!!! MY EYE!!!" Goku could only scratch the back of his head and smile nervously. "Oops. Sorry about that Vegita." Vegita's responce was a typical one that always seemed to suit him. "SUPER VEGITA BIG BANG ATTACK!" After the smoke and dust cleared, Vegita could be seen storming off in the direction of the kitchen, Goku was laying flat on his back, and the SOS was now short one Christmas tree, yet the satellite itself remained not so much as scratched. It was about now that Gohan and Trunks decided to enter the room. Gohan was the first to notice Goku laid out on the floor, while Trunks found the smoking remains of, well, something. "Morning dad. What hapened this time?" "And what's this pile of ash in the corner?" Goku sat up and tried to clear his head. "Well, I was decorating what used to be a Christmas tree, when I kinda smacked Vegita in the face with a branch." The others noded and continued toward the kitchen. This kind of thing was common place on the SOS and everyone was used to it. That was when the full impact of what Goku had said hit Gohan like a ton of bricks. "Wait a second! Where the hell did you get a Christmas tree up here in deep space!?" Suddenly the incoming transmission klaxons started going nuts. "That's a good question and I'd love to answer it, but it will have to wait until later. The not so dynamic duo are calling." Goku said as he pressed the button. "Ah, good morning Fantastic Four! I assume you're all doing well?" Majin Saban inquired from his base of opperations with TV's Yamcha right behind him. "About as well as can be expected cramped up here." Goku replyed. Saban smirked evily. "Good. You won't be doing so well for long! I've been geting into the Christmas spirit as of late, the spirit of giving and all that, and I've decided to share that spirit with you." Trunks beamed at this. "That's very nice of you! Are you going to give us our freedom?" Saban glared at the naive youth. "No you idiot! I'm going to give you the gift that keeps on giving! Namely, today's experiment! Yamcha! Send them the fic!" Yamcha grumbled something along the lines of "Even here all I get are stinking camios!" Saban gazed at Yamcha with an annoyed look on his face. "Well, if you're so hungry for stardom, I guess I could just beam you over to the satellite as well." Yamcha quickly came to the decision that camios weren't so bad after all and sent up the fic as fast as he could. The alarms and klaxons that signaled the incoming fic went off as everyone started making their way into the theater, with Goku yelling "WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIIIGN!!!!!!" (Theme music spontainiously cues up) In the not too distant future, In the Dragonball universe. A group of heroic Saiyans, Were trying to beat Saban's curse! Because they refused to go along with Saban's plan, And spred bad dubbing across the land, Saban came up with an evil way, To break their wills and make them pay! We'll send them cheesy fanfics, And anything else we may find! (LA-LA-LA) They'll have to sit and watch them all, And I'll finally control their minds! (LA-LA-LA) Now keep in mind they can't control, What tortures are brought to light. (LA-LA-LA) They'll try to keep their sanity, Without killing each other in a massive fight! SAIYAN ROLE CALL! GOKU! (Kamehameha!) GOHAN! (Fear my poses!) TRUNKS! (Why me?) VEGITA! (Send THIS to another dimension!) So if your wondering why they can't escape, And other various facts. (LA-LA-LA) Just chalk it all up to a plot device, And you should really just relax! FOR MYSTERY SAIYAN THEATER 3000! [We hear the Guitar twang as the door sequence completes. Everyone enters the theater. They sit, from right to left: Goku, Gohan, Vegita, Trunks] GOHAN: You know, you still haven't told me where you got that tree. GOKU: Oh, it arrived in this box with this label attached to it. VEGITA: What? Let me see that. [Vegita takes the label away from Goku and reads it aloud.] VEGITA: Persona's Plot Hole Delivery Service. Serving your plot contriviance needs since post 101. The hell? PERSONA: Hey! It's my MSTing, and I'll damn well crush the fourth wall whenever I feel like it! OTHERS: ........ >Dragon Ball LiveDragonBall Live! TRUNKS: It was so nice, he wrote it twice! >Author's Note: Some of the jokes or gags in this fanfic are quite corny >and/or don't make any sense whatsover and could damage mentally if you >try to make sense of this ^_^ . GOHAN: Alright everyone, try to turn off the thinking parts of your brains. VEGITA: Looks like Kakarott's in the clear then. GOKU: Yeah..... HEY! >Plus, some things might offend some people when I use stereotypes. >Please just ignore that, I really don't believe what I wrote.. TRUNKS: Okay, so the author gives us a warning, then dosen't even believe he wrote his own story? GOHAN: This is gonna hurt isn't it? VEGITA: Probably. >seriously =). I just did it to be funny. VEGITA: Correction, definatly! >Also some of the characters act nothing like they do in the anime or >manga. GOKU: Characters actually OOC in fanfiction!? Dear God I'm shocked beyond words! VEGITA: Turn the scarcasm down a notch. >By the way, all characters that resemble celebrities that you know, are >not in anyway meant to be resembling those celebrities. TRUNKS : You see, I don't want to get my ass sued. >Also, some parts of the story are vulgar and lude. >READ WITH CAUTION! [Persona appears and posts a sign on the wall reading "Material shown here is not safe for public consumption. View at your own risk."] PERSONA: There, now I don't have to worry about safety violations! [Persona disappears.] VEGITA: Is he gonna do that often? >Well, it's been two months after Tenshinhan's small gimmick fast-food >restuarant called Chikyuu Fried Dragon™ GOKU: You see, Tenshinhan suffered one too many blows to the head and now thinks he's Colonial Sanders. TRUNKS: I think we missed part one. GOHAN: Quiet, Saban might hear you. >and we all thought Tenshinhan was no longer having a mid-life crisis, >we were wrong. GOKU : You see, I had the urge to write a sequel and... >It seems that he is trying to get a small TV station on the air. Well, >guess what, he asked us for our help. Oh by the way! This is Kuririn. ALL: Hey Kuririn! >I dug up my old journal and decided that I should write some of the new >events that are about to unfold. GOHAN : I want to record how badly Tenshinhan bombs for posterity! >I know something strange will happen along the way. Well, my position >at the DBZ-KZ TV station is advertising, but since this station isn't >very big.. I do a little of everything. Well, here's a list of the >DBZ-KZ staff and their jobs. TRUNKS: Alright, here's where the hurting starts. >Son Gokou - Host - Cooking with Son Gokou GOHAN: Strangely, there were five hundred cases of food poisoning a day after the show aired. >Vegeta - Host - Working out with Vegeta! VEGITA : Hello you little veeklinks. I am Vegita, und I am here to blow (clap) you ahp! >The Great Saiya-Man - Host - The Saiya-Man Dance Hall [All save Gohan look at the last line and try their best to keep from breking out in laughter.] GOHAN: WHAT? >Gohan - Host - The Daily DragonBall (News Show) GOHAN: Cool! Two positions mean two pay cheques! >Mr. Satan - Host - The Mr. Satan Show GOKU: a.k.a. the ego booster. >Cell - Host - Late Night with Cell ALL: ^_O VEGITA: Man, Cell's really let himself go since getting killed. >The Ginyuu Force - Host - The Political Power Fighters! ALL: @_@ GOHAN: He didn't. Please tell me he didn't! TRUNKS: Don't worry, I don't think ANYONE would do THAT. >Piccolo - Narrator >Bulma - Weather Girl [Vegita's eyes glaze over as he goes into happy daydream mode.] >Gohan - News Anchorman >Chi Chi - Reporter GOKU: Actually, I could see that happening very easily. GOHAN: Yeah, mom kinda has that talent to keep pressing a point until you cave in. >Kuririn - Advertising VEGITA: Watch DBZ-KZ TV, or we'll blow up the planet! TRUNKS: I see someone's into hardcore advertising. VEGITA: You got to admit, it's a sure fire ratings grabber. >Tenshinhan - CEO and Chairman of DBZ-KZ GOKU : I'm the God, I'M THE GOD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! >Well DBZ-KZ is on the air! Transcripts of each show featuring their >time are listed below. I know Tenshinhan will need these some time or >another so I'm writing them. > >Note: For some reason, Political Power Fighters wasn't shown until the >next day. GOHAN: For you see, good taste tried to prevail, but in the end it failed. >12:00 AM - 9:00 AM >Infomercials >9:30 - 10:00 AM >Cooking with Son Gokou GOKU: I'd just like to point out that this isn't really me, so don't get on my case about this. >The show starts out with Son Gokou eating a big pan of brownies. He >suddenly notices the "On Air" sign is lighted up so he hurls the cookie >pan across the room, his face is still covered in chocalate. VEGITA: You sure this isn't really you? TRUNKS: Yeah, the author got your character dead on. >Son Gokou (Muffled Voice): Welcome to.. (Gulp.) ..Welcome to uhhh... >Gokou focuses his eyes on the cue-cards. >Cooking with... Son Ginsu? GOHAN: YES! It's Son Ginsu! He slices! He dices! He'll Kamehameha your cabbages across four time zones! >Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): Gokou! You know! Your name! >Son Gokou: Uhhh.. uhh.. cooking with Son Gokou! Heh heh >Gokou makes a huge fake smile. GOKU: Remember the money, remember the money... >Son Gokou: Today we will be cooking... well, we will be cooking food! TRUNKS : You know, generic, unidetifiable food. VEGITA: Ah, army rations. >Yes, the greatest pleasure in life. I'm going to teach you how to get >america's #1 food onto your plate. GOHAN: Neverminding the fact that this is Japaneese show. >Now, what you have to do is grab a nearby telephone.. TRUNKS: What? Is he making phone casarole? >Suddenly a telephone drops from above. GOHAN: *CLONK* YEOW! >Ooh look what I found! Now you have to get a telephone book... VEGITA: Ooooh, phone casarole with a side of phone book salad! How yummy. >A telephone book drops from the sky as well. GOHAN: *THUMP* OUCH! >Now open up the book and look in the "Yellow Pages." Once you have >done that, look for Pizza Hut.. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, we are >getting Pizza.. mmm mmm good! [All let out a colective groan.] VEGITA: A *COOKING* show that teaches you how to order *TAKE OUT*? What the hell were you thinking Kakarott? GOKU: I told you! This isn't me! TRUNKS: But you gotta admit, the author's nailed your character perfectly. GOKU: -_- >Gokou closes his eyes and begins to drool. After a few minutes a stage >hand begins poking him with a yardstick. VEGITA : Not the head! Poke him somewhere where he'll actually feel it.... Not *THERE* you sicko! >Son Gokou: Gyaaah! Oh yea, well the number for Pizza Hut is 555-4323.. > >Son Gokou begins dialing. GOHAN: INTENSE DIALING ACTION! TRUNKS: Well, hearing was nice while it lasted. >Tenshinhan (Off Camera): Tell them the number will depend on where they >live! > >Son Gokou: Uhh.. oh yeah, the number will be different if you don't >live here.. ALL: Wah-wah-waaaaaah. >You hear Tenshinhan let out a sigh. VEGITA : Why oh why, did I agree to hire him. >Son Gokou: Ok now listen up, I'm going to put my call on speaker-phone. > >He begins dialing GOKU: But haven't I dialed already? >and a *ring *ring comes from the phone. Someone picks up. GOHAN: Moe's Taveren, Moe speaking. >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Hello, how can we help you today? >Son Gokou: I'd like some food.. TRUNKS : Really? And I thought you wanted a traffic report! >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): .... >Son Gokou: .... >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Well, what kind of food!? GOKU : Gee, how about some pizza? >(Son Gokou begins to think for a few minutes while the person on the >phone continues to ask "Hello?") > >Son Gokou: I'd like some Pizza! GOKU: ...... VEGITA: That proves it. It IS the real Goku. >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Ugh... well duh, uhh we will just send >over a large pepperoni pizza. It'll be $9.99. GOHAN: Man, is that ever cheap! TRUNKS: They must be trying to bury Panagopolis. GOHAN: Shameless product plug number one. >Son Gokou: Ok... can I have some cheese on it? > >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Sir... it already has cheese on it. > >Son Gokou: Well what if I don't want to pay for cheese? VEGITA: Well why did you ask if you could have some then? >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Umm.. its free. GOKU : You see, we have a slight twenty year backstock that we need to get rid of and... >Son Gokou: Oh Goodie! > >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Well.. is this for delivery or pick-up? > >Son Gokou: I can pick it up. > >Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Ok, it'll be ready in twenty minutes. > >(Son Gokou hangs up the phone and then focuses stands up straight.) ALL: TEN-HUT! >Son Gokou: Well once they deliver it, I'll pick it up and put it on >this table. [All facefault.] TRUNKS: Geez, how rock stupid can someone be? >Then we can chow down! By the way, chowing down is my favorite part. ALL : NOOOOO! >Son Gokou gives the camera a huge grin. > >But until then, open up your cabinets and grab your munchies. I prefer >marshmallows and ham... VEGITA: Ugg. Smores, Homer Simpson style. >and some other various meat, actually any meat is good. > >Tenshinhan begins tells Gokou to sign off > >Son Gokou: Sign off? Uhh... signs don't turn on.. GOHAN: They do if they're electric. >Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): No Say Goodbye! TRUNKS : He is SO fired. >Son Gokou: Oh oh yeah. Well we are outta' time so bai bai.. and >remember to check into tommorow when I'll teach you how to successfully >microwave leftovers.. if I have any VEGITA: Dear God, he's going for the microwave! Don't let him touch.... *BOOM* >The show ends. ALL: WHOO-HOO! >11:00 AM - 12:00 PM >Working out with Vegeta! > >Vegeta is standing in front of Kame-Sama's palace with six other people >in workout clothing. Tenshinhan gives him the cue and he starts. VEGITA: Coming to you live from Heaven, a show about people about to be sent straight to Hell! >Vegeta: Hello everyone, welcome to working out with Vegeta. Remember, >this show is for hardcore fitness fans... no weaklings allowed! GOKU: Well, that rules out most of Earth's population. >The six humans jump when he shouts. > >Now first we need to warm-up. I advise you power up to your highest >level. > >Vegeta begins gathering energy and suddenly he powers up to Super >Saiya-jin 2. The six humans watch him in amazement. GOHAN: I thought you said to your highest level. VEGITA: I was talking to them. I'll do what I damn well please. >Well I'm all ready.. now you six, power up! > >The six humans start making faces and growling noises. GOHAN: Oh geez, do that sort of thing in private will ya! >You people are worthless! > >He shoots two energy blasts that take out the humans on the far right >and left, leaving only four humans alive. VEGITA: Maybe that will motavate the rest of you! >Vegeta: Well, I hope you all are ready now. Here is what we are going >to be doing slowly. > >Vegeta begins punching, kicking, jumping, flipping, and many other >moves and stances at a average speed. The humans just stand there >confused. > >Now let's go fast this time! > >He finishes the entire exercise while the humans are still doing their >first punch. VEGITA: Yeah, God I'm good. GOKU: As if his ego wan't big enough already. >Vegeta: Are all normal humans so weak!? TRUNKS : Sorry, we can't all flatten mountans like they were made out of leggo. VEGITA: You do know that your're the next to die right? TRUNKS : ACK! >Vegeta blasts two humans with two ki blasts, leaving only two humans >left. They both stand there trembling in fear. > >Now we can get to the hard stuff. But before that I want to see you >two run around the palace one-hundred times. GOKU : I said come up with something creative to fill some time, and RUNNING is what you come up with? VEGITA: You want some too? GOKU : EEP! >The humans gasp but they obey and begin jogging. For the next half >hour, it shows clips of them running. At the 99th lap, they are >completely worn out. They are almost across the finish line. > >Vegeta: C'mon! Your almost done! It's not that tough GOHAN : I think he forgot that I'm a lard ass. >The humans fall to the ground, trying to catch their breath. > >I wish it wouldn't have to come to this... > >A boom box falls from the sky. Vegeta pulls a cassette from behind his >back and inserts it into the boom box. VEGITA: The hell? >Once it reaches the the 6th second on the track, it happens... VEGITA: I'm not going to... >Yes, the one song that will make you succeed no matter what.. VEGITA: Oh, crap! I am! >it is the theme to "Rocky." TRUNKS: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLL... OTHERS: WRONG ROCKY! TRUNKS: DO'H! >Suddenly, the humans stagger up to a standing position. They slowly >jog to the finish line. Suddenly everything goes into slow motion. GOHAN: The show's been hit by a subspace temporal annomoly! GOKU: What are you talking about? GOHAN: Just trying to use up our technobabble quota for the day. >Vegeta hops and down excitedly. [All save Vegita try to keep from laughing uncontrolably, but they fail miserably.] VEGITA: OH SHUT UP! >The humans approach the line.. each second getting closer. Sweat pours >off their heads, their muscles are practically dead. They use their >last bit of strength to hurl themselves over the line. Vegeta lifts >them up and raises their arms. TRUNKS : WOAH! Someone forgot to apply their pit stick! >Vegeta: Well you did it, too bad you both are weak. > >Vegeta throws the two humans into the air and fires to energy blasts >that wipe out the humans. GOKU : We should have seen that coming right? GOHAN : Yup. >Well, only if they were stronger. Well I'll see you tommorow where I >will kill some more humans and do some cool moves. That Tai-Bo guy has >nothing on me! > >The show ends. GOKU: You know, this hasn't been too bad. TRUNKS: Yeah, so far everyone's been more or less in character. >1:00 PM - 2:00 PM >The Saiya-Man Dance Hall VEGITA: So far being the key word. I think the hurting starts here. GOHAN: Oh sure, dump on my segment why don't you! I don't think it will be that bad. GOKU: Foreshadowing folks! >The camera pans across a group of people dancing. On top a high >pedastool is The Great Saiya-Man dancing to "Natural Born Killaz" by >Ice Cube. The music ends and the camera zooms in on The Great Saiya->Man. TRUNKS: It zoomed in too much and knocked Great Saiya-Man off his pedastool, he then impaled himself upon one of the dancing poles below. The end. VEGITA: So what's on Raw? GOHAN: That was uncalled for. TRUNKS: Hey, I had to put my obligatory dark riff in here somewhere. >The Great Saiya-Man: Yo yo yo! Where my dawgs at!? [Everyone, save Gohan, immidiately doubles over with laughter.] GOHAN: What the hell has the author done to me? VEGITA: We've secretly replace the Great Saiya-Man with Konnan, lets see if any one notices.... [Breaks down into laughter again.] >The crowd begins barking. GOHAN: Rabies! >Yea yea yea, that's right. Now, before we put out another show. I'd >like to give you all a little sample of my upcoming record. [The laughter suddenly dies and is replaced by a look of horror.] TRUNKS: This is bad! He's gonna sing! VEGITA: Even worse! He's acting like Konnan, so he's gonna rap! GOKU: I knew all that laughter came with a price. GOHAN : I don't know any of you. >Ok, hit the music and let me bust some rhymes.. ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >The camera begins zooming around the crowd as The Great Saiya-Man's >music begins playing. Saiya-Man lifts up his microphone and begins. TRUNKS: And if I die before I wake... >The Great Saiya-Man: Ok let's get this goin'. Ok, one day my old man >met this scrub named Raditz. Gokou and Raditz began fighting and Gokou >got hit in the stomach and puked of some.. uhh.. crap-itz! [All stare at the screen in horror.] GOKU: Dear God! It's worse than I thought! GOHAN: Man, this isn't even me, and I'm STILL never going to be able to live this down! VEGITA: And these lyrics are terible! I mean, there's reaching, then there's grasping at air! TRUNKS: So how would you rate this? VEGITA: Three foot midget trying to touch the top of Tokyo Tower. >That foo' Raditz grabbed me and took me away. Gokou then asked for >Kuririn's help and Kuririn didn't know what to say. GOKU: Yes he did. He said something along the lines of "Gee I'd like to help, but I don't feel like getting killed. Good luck!" >Then Piccolo came down and said he wanted to team up. Then Gokou and >Piccolo decided they should think up a scheme up. TRUNKS : Okay, I'll hit him from the left, you hit him from the right, then we'll smash him in the front! We can't fail! GOHAN : Wow, brilliant stratagy there Napolion. VEGITA: And the sad thing is that's prety much how it really happened. >They grabbed Bulma's Dragon Radar and found Raditz' crib. They planned >on beating Raditz up so badly, he would have to eat with a bib! VEGITA: So they were gonna pound on him until he submitted to using proper table manners? GOKU: I know Raditz was a messy eater, but... >They flew to that place and then a war broke out. Soon enough... >Piccolo, Gokou, and Raditz had one helluva' bout. TRUNKS: Live! Only on Pay-Per-View! >Eventually my top dawg, Piccolo, lost his arm. Then Raditz said he was >going to do some more harm. Piccolo told Gokou he had a trick that he >was savin'. All Gokou had to do to Radtz was try to tame him. VEGITA: Using only a wooden chair and a whip! GOHAN : Down Raditz! Down! >Eventually, I escaped Raditz' ride and then I opened a can. GOKU: Gohan, you like Stone Cold? GOHAN: Who doesn't? >I got pissed off and hit Raditz so hard he almost flew to Japan! TRUNKS: Neverminding the fact that they were alredy IN Japan. >Gokou grabbed Raditz and Piccolo fired away. Raditz died and Gokou >would have to fight another day. > >The Great Saiya-Man drops his microphone and expects applause ALL: NOT BLOODY LIKELY! >but the only noise that is heard is crickets chirping. VEGITA: Ah, classic responce to something awful number two. GOKU: What's number one? VEGITA: A whisper of wind and a rolling tumbleweed. >The Great Saiya-Man: Oh so that's how your gonna treat me? All you >playa' hatas'! TRUNKS: This little segment is giving "playa's" everywhere a bad rep. >Well I guess we can listen to some phat joints for the rest of the >show. ALL: YEAH! NO MORE RAP! TRUNKS: Uh, Gohan, you do know you're dissing yourself, right? GOHAN: THAT'S NOT ME! >Some music starts up and all it does is show dancing for the rest of >show. > >Finally, it's time for The Great Saiya-Man to say goodbye. ALL: PARTY! >The Great Saiya-Man: Well that's all the time we have today. Well, >tommorow we will bust out some more rhymes. ALL: AHHHHHHHHHH! >Peace Out. VEGITA: War in. >The show ends. > >3:00 PM - 4:00 PM >The Daily DragonBall > >Gohan quickly rushes onto the set. He fixes his tie and sits down in >his anchorman chair. He notices that he's still wearing his Saiya-man >cape. He quickly throws it off and fakes a smile. GOHAN : I'm not Great Saiya-Man! GOKU: Pseudo-stolen MST3K riff number one. >Son Gohan: Welcome ladies and gentleman to the Daily DragonBall. The >top news of the day is that six people were murdered on live >television. VEGITA: Oh, like that's something new. >We are going to have a interviewer owner of the network who shows that >show. > >Suddenly the cameraman turns around and focuses on Tenshinhan. TRUNKS : That's right, six jackasses were killed on my network. And if you don't want any of the same, you'll quit yer damn whining, and that's the bottom line! >Tenshinhan begins sweating and Son Gohan runs over to Tenshinhan with >his microphone. > >Son Gohan: What do you think of this tragedy that happened on one of >your shows? GOKU : Tragedy is right, all that running... In my opinion the slaughter was the only thing that saved the show! >Tenshinhan (talking in a whisper): Gohan... don't do this to me.. it >could ruin our ratings.. > >Son Gohan: Ratings? What ratings? Well it seems Tenshinhan is more >concerned with ratings then the lives of others. He just admitted that >he told Vegeta to mercilessy kill those six people in order to get >ratings. VEGITA: As if anyone would have to ASK me to do that. >Let's talk to Vegeta about it. > >The camera turns over to Vegeta who is sitting by the coffee pot, >drinking a cup of coffee. Son Gohan rushes over to him. > >Vegeta: What the hell do you want!? VEGITA: Those who keep me from my daily dose of caffine WILL PAY! >Son Gohan: Isn't it true that Tenshinhan forced you to kill those >humans or he would fire you? VEGITA: What? Of course not. Fire me, heh, Tenshinhan likes living far too much to make a threat like that! >The camera turns to Tenshinhan who is signaling to Vegeta not to say >anything. Tenshinhan sees the camera and begins sweating profusely as >he scratches his head and gives a fake laugh. TRUNKS : I am SO screwed... >Camera turns back to Vegeta. > >Vegeta: Uh.. I don't know I guess. > >Tenshinhan shrieks "What!?" while Vegeta casually sips his coffee. VEGITA: Like your petty grivences concern me. >Son Gohan: There you have it. Tenshinhan a psychopathic tyrant of the >television world.. or just misunderstood? ALL: TYRANT! >You decide. Please call in with your comments at 1-800-555-555-555. > >Gohan makes his way to the desk and sits in his chair. His telephone >rings and he picks it up. > >Son Gohan: Hello Massachussets, your on the air. TRUNKS : Hello, I'm lookning for a Mr. Nuts. First name, Dees. GOKU : Hold on I'll check. Dees Nuts? Dees Nuts? Has anybody seen Dees Nuts before? >Cindy Shraw (On Phone): I think he should be shot fifty times in the >leg than have his wrist cut open and then take a blunt object and beat >him the head with it while someone with a sledgehammer hits him a few >times in the gut. GOHAN: Someone call the nice men in white please, we've found a tennant for one of your unused rubber appartments. >Son Gohan: Ohhhh kay.... we are going to the next caller, California.. >your on the air.' > >Drew Meadows (On Phone): Huh huh huh huh.. you suck. Huh huh huh huh. GOHAN: Thank you for your comments Butt-Head. >Son Gohan: Next caller, West Virginia.. your on the air. > >Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Hello is Homer Sexual there? GOHAN: NO WAY! I'm calling no way on this! I'm way too smart to fall for this shit! VEGITA: Too bad this isn't really you eh? >Son Gohan: Please hold. Hello, is there a homer sexual here? C'mon, >one of you guys has to be homer sexual. What's the problem, why is it >so tough to find a homer sexual? I need a homer sexual. GOHAN : I hate my life. >Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Hahahaha! > >Son Gohan: Sorry sir.. can't find him. > >Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Don't worry, you'll find who your looking >for one day.. hehe. [Gohan writes down his name.] GOKU: What are you doing? GOHAN: Just ading Mr. O'Neil to my "People I need to kill when I get back to Earth" list. >Son Gohan: Well, goodbye. > >He hangs up the phone. > >Son Gohan: Well it seems that's all the time we have for today. Be >careful.. take care of yourself.. don't hurt eachother.. and don't >jaywalk.. is that what I'm supposed to say? VEGITA : Who the hell wrote this shit? >Tenshinhan sighs. > >The show ends. > >4:00 PM - 5:00 PM >The Mr. Satan Show GOKU: Mr. Satan, DBZ's answer to Hulk Hogan. TRUNKS: Does that mean that this is gonna be like 'NWO Nightcap'? [All shudder at the thought.] >The camera pans across the crowd who are all clapping because a >stagehand has told them to do it, of course. VEGITA : You will clap, or you will DIE! >Mr. Satan is a few feet in front of the stage with a microphone in his >hand. > >Mr. Satan: Hello and welcome to another edition of the Mr. Satan show. GOHAN: But if the show just started now, how could there have been previous episodes? >Today, we have a special treat. I, the world champion, personally >looked for people who.. y'know, aren't normal.. so we could have them >on the show! TRUNKS : Our guests today are Kefka, Oscar, and The Great Red Serpent! >Today, we have Taopaipai and he is going to tell his tragic story of >him being so weak. GOHAN : Well, everything was fine until this kid named Goku kicked my ass. Ever since then, pretty much anyone could kick my ass... That's about the sum of my life. >Taopaipai walks onto the stage and takes a seat. GOKU : HEY! Put that back! Other people have to use that chair you know! >Mr. Satan: Now tell us your story of your disability that I like to >call, wussy-itis. TRUNKS: Wussy-itis? That's not even a word! VEGITA: It is now. >Taopaipai: Well, I used to be the strongest person in the world. Then >this little kid got strong and beat me up and y'know, killed me. GOKU : And getting killed, like, sucks, and stuff. >I came back and tried to kill him but he opened a can on once again. TRUNKS: Yes, even Taopaipai like Stone Cold GOHAN: Who doesn't? VEGITA : That little SOB called Goku stomped a mudhole in my ass and walked it dry, and that's the bottom line! >Now he's extremely strong and I have no chance of beating him. VEGITA : That's a privlege that I hold excluseively. >Also, I am hurt badly and I'm very weak. My bones are brittle and my >muscles forever will be sore and weak. GOKU : I can't defeat anyone anymore, oh did I mention that I'm weak? >Each day, I hurt myself. VEGITA : My heart bleeds for you. >I tried to go get the paper but the neighbor's dog attacked me. I >tried to fight back but he tore off my leg. Now I have this wooden >leg. GOHAN: A cyborg with a wooden leg? TRUNKS: Well, cyborg parts cost an arm and a leg these days, sot that doesn't sound too far off. >Taopaipai lifts up his pants leg and shows them is wooden leg. The >crowd goes "Aaaaaaaaaah." VEGITA: Vegita goes "Uuuuuuuuuug." >Mr. Satan: What other stories do you have? GOKU : Well, I have here the number one best selling biography of Mick Foley. TRUNKS: Shameless product plug number two. >Taopaipai: Well, I was playing ping pong with the nurse and I got hit >with the ball and I broke my collar bone. Last week I spilled a drink, >slipped on it, and bruised my kidneys. I stubbed my toe so bad it >detached my foot from my leg. VEGITA: Blah, blah, blah. Cry me a river, piss me a lake. >I was walking down the street and a little girl dropped her teddy bear. >I picked it up and gave it to her but she just punched a hole through >me and slammed my face into the wheel of her tricycle. Breaking my >nose in three places and rupturing my larnyx. [Everyone trys not to laugh at the image forming.] >What else.. a bee stung me. It tried to get it's stinger out, but >instead of losing it's stinger. It ripped off my arm, and >as far as I know, it's still stuck on it's stinger. GOHAN : All this and more on 'When Animals Attack 37!' >One day, I sneezed so hard my eyes popped out. I bit my tongue and >almost bled to death. I was driving once and I crashed. The airbag >came out and knocked off my head. And... GOKU : Airbags. A threat to babys and wussy cyborgs everywhere. >Mr. Satan: Wait a minute! How could this happen, you'd be dead! VEGITA: But this tis the Dragonball universe, where death is just a minor inconveniance! >Crowd begins chanting "Bullsh*t." > >Taopaipai: Well I'm a cyborg actually. TRUNKS: A poorly built cyborg, it's kinda the reason why my body parts fall off so easily. >Mr. Satan: Cyborg my ass! > >Crowd begins chanting "My Ass." >Mr. Satan: Get this phony outta here security. > >Guards lifts up Taopaipai and drag him off the stage. While dragging >him, Taopaipai gets rug burn and suddenly catches fire. Taopaipai is >burned to ashes before security could put him out. GOHAN: Now Taopaipai's ashes lie beside the remains of Sailor Venus and Queen Metalia. TRUNKS: There's a vague MSTing reference. >Mr. Satan: Err.. umm. Please look away from the stage ladies and >gentleman. Ewww.. someone put a air freshener over there. Ugh >nevermind. It's all the time we have today. See ya later and Mr. >Satan is #1! Whooo! > >The show ends. > >5:00 PM - 11:00 PM >Reruns of "Sanford & Son." [All shudder.] >11:00 PM - 12:00 AM >Late Night with Cell > >The show starts out showing clips of strange stuff involving Cell. It >shows Cell driving a toilet, ALL: O_o >giving a german sheperd a bath, and shoving Emirel Lagasi's head into >the fryer and security taking Cell away. ALL: o_O >Then shows Cell and Pat Sajak beating the hell out of eachother on top >a pool table. ALL: @_@ [Widespread laughter erupts at this point.] >Shows Cell beating a Cell Jr. over the head with a brick. Then it cuts >to the band, which is all Red Ribbon members. Then it shows Cell >waving his hand. VEGITA: HEY! He's spraying blood everywhere! GOKU: Yes Cell, we know you can regenrate your body parts. You don't have to show it off and make such a mess! >Cell: Welcome to the show. We have a great show for you tonight. I >have Don King with me tonight. TRUNKS: One of the only men in the world who's hair can make the hair styles of pretty much every anime ever made seem normal! >Crowd Applause > >Cell: Also I have the Pope with me tonight. GOHAN: The hell? How does someone who commits mass murder and trys to destroy the entire planet get the Pope to appear on his show? GOKU: Don't ask. Your head might explode. >Crowd Applause > >Cell: But first, let's see a clip of me and my sidekick, Cell Jr., >going to Ethiopia. > >The little television behind Cell begins showing the clip. It shows >Cell in safari clothes and Cell Jr. having a huge pack full of stuff >tied to him. VEGITA: In yet another example of a mildly funny scene that's been done to death. >Cell: Here we are in Ethiopia.. we have come to one conclusion, nothing >much here. Well, it's kinda boring too. Wait, look it's a group of >people. TRUNKS : Let's kill 'em! >They run over to the group of Ethiopian people. > >Cell: Damn, you guys are skinny. Bob, put the camera on this guy's >ribs! > >They close up on the Ethiopian guy's ribs. GOHAN: *CRACK* AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GOKU : That's a little too close there Bob. >Cell: You guys must be hungry ALL: NO SHIT SHERLOCK! >(Cell bites into a candybar.), VEGITA : I'm not known for my compasion. >just looking at you guys makes me hungry. GOHAN: Neverminding the fact that he's an artifical life form that doesn't need food to survive. >Wait, come over here Cell Jr. > >Cell looks into the backpack. VEGITA : Porno, porno, porno... Maybe I hould have packed more supplies? >Cell: Here guys, have some food. ALL: O_O TRUNKS: Cell... Being nice... GOHAN: If that ain't OOC, I don't know what is. >Cell hands them cans of slim-fast, low-fat granola bars, and some koose >koose. ALL: ..... TRUNKS: I guess I was wrong. >Cell fakes a tear. > >Cell: I'm always glad to help out all the unpriviledged people. ALL: YEAH RIGHT! >The clip ends and the audience applause. > >Cell: Next week, I'll show you the time I visited hell. GOKU: Speaking of which, how'd Cell come back to life? VEGITA: Maybe someone wished him back with the Dragonballs? TRUNKS: What!? Who'd want him back? PERSONA: Just chalk up stuff like that to plot devices. It will save on pointless discussion and your sanity. ALL: ..... >But now, please clap for our special guest.. Don King! ALL: No. >The crowd applause as Don King makes his way over to Cell, shakes his >hand, then takes a seat. GOHAN : He's stealing chairs! VEGITA : KILL HIM! >Cell: So.. what have you been up to lately? GOKU : Oh, about 5'9, give or take an inch. Heh heh, little joke there. VEGITA: VERY little. >Don King: Nothing much.. you know Mike Tyson is in prison and all. TRUNKS : Again? >Cell: He just can't stop getting himself into trouble can he? > >Don King: Well, he's more like.. hmm.. mischevious. GOHAN: That, or he has some real strange eating habbits. >Cell: Ok. What else has been going on in your life? > >Don King: Pretty much nothing. > >Cell: Okie-doke. Well, let's bring out our next guest.. the Pope! > >The pope makes his way over to Cell in his little pope-mobile. ALL: Pope-mobile? GOKU : Quick Robin, to the Pope-mobile! TRUNKS : Don't you mean the Batmobile? GOKU : It's in the shop. >Cell: Greetings Pope. > >Pope: Hello > >Cell: Well crowd, we were going to ask Pope some questions but he >doesn't speak much english. Also, we don't have a translator since we >are so cheap.. GOHAN: Well, at least he's honest. TRUNKS: Yeah, but then what was the point of getting the Pope on the show then? >so, we are going to just have Don King and the Pope fight in a >deathmatch! ALL: NANI!? >Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): What!? > >Crowd chants "Deathmatch!" > >Don King: I'm up for it. GOKU: I can't believe they're doing this. VEGITA: Maybe the Pope will clobber Don King with his holy staff? >Cell: And just to be fair, the Pope gets to use his pope-mobile thingy >since he doesn't know what's going on and would refuse the fight if he >knew it was going to happen. So the guy who drives the pope-mobile >will control what's going on. TRUNKS: Hold on, making matches on the spur of the moment, throwing stipulations wherever he feels like it... GOHAN: Cell IS Vince McMahon! >Don King: Wait a minute, that's not.. > >Cell: Ding Ding! > >The Pope-mobile quicklys runs over Don King, killing him instantly. GOKU: And Don King gets absolutely Goldberged! VEGITA: I think the match was fixed. >You can hear Tenshinhan vomiting in the background. The Pope is >completely confused and upset. TRUNKS : That's the last time I appear on your show! >Cell: And the winner is the Pope! > >Crowd cheers loudly. Then the Pope is driven off stage. The cleaning >crew clean up Don King's remains. VEGITA: Now Don King's remains are smeared all over the place along side Taopaipai, Salor Venus, and Queen Metalia! GOHAN: That carpet's getting a little crowded. >Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): What have you done!? Now the author is going >to get hate mail.. err.. GOKU : AAAAHHHHHHHHH! >I mean we are going to get hate mail! Ugh.. just say goodbye. > >Cell: That's all the time we have for today. Goodbye! > >The show ends. > >12:00 AM - 8:30 AM >Infomercials GOKU: Hey, we did it! We made it through the entire programming day! [Massive cheers erupt in the theater.] >8:30 AM - 9:00 AM >Political Power Fighters. [The cheers stop. Silence reigns.] ALL: AWWWWWWWW CRAP! VEGITA: Here comes the final punch! TRUNKS: Be ready for anything, this one looks painful. >A stupid intro shows the three political power fighters fighting all >kinds of hippies and flag burners. Then the show begins. > >Narrator (Piccolo): One day, after the Political Power Fighters sent >beat all the hippies and flag burners up, VEGITA: So they sent a bunch of hippies and flag burners to beat up? GOKU: I... Think so... TRUNKS: What? That can't be right... Can it? GOHAN: No! At least... I don't think so... [All look to the sky.] PERSONA: Don't look to me for answers! I'm as much in the dark as the rest of you! VEGITA : This is bad. VERY bad. >they saw a bright flash in the sky. Suddenly, Renegade Republican and >Defying Democrat landed. The three Political Power Fighters were in >trouble. GOHAN: This whole show is in trouble! GET RID OF IT! >Renegade Republican (Jiisu): We have came to overthrow the goverment >Haha! > >Defying Democrat (Bata): That's right Haha! > >The three Political Power Fighters gasped. ALL : gasp. >Legislative Loyalist (Captain Ginyuu): Not if I we can help it! Haha! TRUNKS: What the... VEGITA: Don't. Just, don't. >Judicial Judgementer (Recoome): That's right Haha! > >Executive Executor (Gulda): As a team, we cannot be defeated! Haha! GOHAN: These names suck ass! Haha! [Vegita punches Gohan.] VEGITA: DON'T DO THAT! GOHAN: S-sorry, I don't know what came over me. >Renegade Republican: So, it's that a challenge? Haha! > >Legislative Loyalist: Yes. Haha! > >Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat laugh. ALL: Haha! [Silence.] GOKU: I can't believe we did that! TRUNKS: Dear God! The fic is winning! >Renegade Republican: Haha! That is so funny, it makes me laugh! Haha! >Go flag burners and hippies! Haha! GOHAN : Not like that's hard or anything. I seem to laugh every line anyway! >The flag burners and hippies charge at the Political Power Fighters. A >fight starts up. Legislative Loyalist punches a hippie across the >face, WHAMMO! Executive Executor chops a flag burner in the back, >PING! VEGITA: That's all we need. Old Batman special effects. >Judicial Judgementer kicks a hippie in the stomach, ZAGNUT! ALL: Zagnut? >Legislative Loyalist throws a hippie down on the ground and stomps on >him, WANKER! VEGITA: ... No, that one's too easy. >Judicial Judgementer and Executive Executor pick up a hippie and >bodyslam him, BOB DOLE! ALL: NANI? PERSONA: BOB DOLE!? This one's making MY head hurt! ALL: ..... GOKU: If our author goes down, do we go down too? TRUNKS: I don't know... And watch the fourth wall! >Suddenly, the hippies, Political Power Fighters, and flag burners stop >fighting and begin dancing. ALL: @_@ GOKU: That proves it! This whole segment was stolen from that Simpsons episode about the Radioactive Man movie! >Renegade Republican: Oh no! They overcame our minions! Haha! TRUNKS : We're gonna get our asses kicked! Haha! >Defying Democrat: We must use a our secret weapon! [All look on in shock and amazement.] GOHAN: I don't believe it... VEGITA: I know! He didn't laugh! [Wild cheers erupt in the theater.] >Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat: The press! Haha! > >Suddenly, reporters and cameraman surround the Political Power >Fighters. Our heroes fall to their knees, they are weakened by >Republican and Democrat's attack. > >Renegade Republican: I guess we win! Haha! GOKU: At least until they sumoned their pissed off moviestar powers, giving them the ability to punch out reporters! [All look at Goku strangely.] TRUNKS: I think he's starting to crack. >Legislative Loyalist: We must work together to defeat our foes! Let's >summon it! Haha! > >Executive Executor and Judicial Judgementer: Right! Haha! > >Political Power Fighters: Goverment bot! Haha! GOHAN: Ah yes, when in doubt, summon your giant robot. TRUNKS: Just like in real life! >Defying Democrat and Renegade Republican: Nooo! Haha! > >Suddenly, the Political Power Fighters jump into their Goverment bot. >Somehow, Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat grow to the same size >as the huge Goverment bot. Then a fight begins. Soon enough, Renegade >Republican and Defying Democrat overpower the Goverment Bot. VEGITA: Will they call upon another robot, or the ever ready plot conrtiviance blade? >Legislative Loyalist: We need to do something fast. Let's call upon >the blade of eternal taxes! Haha! TRUNKS: Plot contriviance blade. >A katana comes out of nowhere and Goverment bot grabs it. He slashes >Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat, causing them to have never >ending taxes. They wither away and die. GOKU: Ugg, can you blame them? >Political Power Fighters: We won! Haha! >Narrator: The day is safe for the political fat-cats of the U.S., once >again. TRUNKS: All the people here are from an anime, so why is this so US based? GOHAN: American author, duh. >Thanks to our heroes.. the Political Power Fighters! Kame-sama.. this >job is so demeaning.. > >The show ends. > >Sadly enough, DBZ-KZ is closing down, we got slapped with so many >lawsuits the first day.. we couldn't keep ourselves on the air. VEGITA: YES! The forces of good taste prevail! >Well, don't worry, I'm sure Tenshinhan will have another mid-life >crisis and we will all be pawns in his little game. GOKU: I hope not! >I'm sure of it. ALL: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! >The End? GOHAN: Finally! Let's get out of here! VEGITA: You said it! [Reverse door sequence 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.] Majin Saban was disapointed that this experiment was a failure, but he looked to the bright side: at least he caused them a lot of pain. There would be other experiments, and he had high hopes about the fic he now held in his hand! Maybe next time. Trunks slumped against the wall. "Well that sucked. What a lousy way to spend Christmas! I mean, the fic wasn't even Christmas themed!" "What do you expect, he's evil." Gohan retorted, still trying to forget the fic. "HEY EVERYONE! GET OVER HERE!" The three other Saiyans went into the rec room to see what Goku was bellowing about when they saw a "Star Trek type door" TM. that previously wasn't there. "Kakarott, where did this come from?" Vegita asked, his curiosity sparked. "I don't know. It was here when I walked in, along with this card." Goku handed the card over to Vegita who read it aloud. "To the inhabitants of the Satellite of Saiyans, I know the last fic was a little rough, so I sent you this little Christmas present to use whenever you need to blow off some steam. Hope you like your new Holoarena. Seasons greetings from Persona." After about a five second delay to totally process what the card said, all four Saiyans rushed into the Holoarena with big smiles on their faces, thinking what they were going to do to many Saban clones. [Picture fades out.] PERSONA: I think they're going to be in there for a while. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ LEGAL STUFF Son Goku, Son Gohan, Vegita, Trunks, Yamcha, and all other Dragonball Z characters mentioned in this MSTing are the property of Akira Toriyama. Haim Saban is TM and C himself. I am merly borrowing them and do not lay any claims to them. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. ABSOLUTELY NO INSULT is intended towards Vinny Makk. Consider this a humorous form of C&C. I ask again, PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! The Holoarena is a rip off of the Holocabana created by Megane 6.7, which is a rip off of Star Trek's Holodeck, which is probably a rip off of something else, but I can't think of it right now! ^_^ Persona's notes: MST number two is finally finished! Just in time for Christmas too! This MST was compleated on December 25, 1999 at 3:32pm. I know in my last MST I said that I was going to MST a lemon, but what can I say, I changed my mind. I thought I'd get a bit more experiance in before I get into lemons. Well, that's it for now. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy new Millenium! E-mail Persona: neo_persona@hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Cell: Well crowd, we were going to ask Pope some questions but he >doesn't speak much english. Also, we don't have a translator since we >are so cheap.. so, we are going to just have Don King and the Pope >fight in a deathmatch!