Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Dragonball Z: Celebrity Deathmatch style! ❯ Dragonball Z: Celebrity Deathmatch style! ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: Celebrity Deathmatch, DragonBall Z, and Oscar belong to their rightful owners.

Celebrity Deathmatch!

<Johnny>: What happens when sibling rivalry takes it to the next level? Find out what happens when you mix a pervert with a psycho. Finally, Two people, one you love to hate, and the other, you'd hate to love, battle to the death! All that and more on tonights *logo appears* Celebrity Deathmatch!

<Johnny>: Hello fightfans. I'm Johnny Gomez.

<Nick>: And I'm Nick Diamond.

<Johnny>: You guys are in for a treat tonight!

<Nick>: Is it because of Halloween?

<Johnny>: Yes, Nick. For once, you're actually right. These matches will be of the scary kind.

<Nick>: But what happens when this fic gets out of date?

<Johnny>: Then our audiences can still look back and reminisce. Speaking of which, let me introduce you to tonights special guest. Ladies and gentlemen, from the world of DBZ, here's Dende!

*camera includes Dende in the shot*

<Dende>: Hello. I'm glad to be on the show.

<Johnny>: Yes, I'm certain that you are.

<Nick>: And so are we. Just in case the last battle goes wrong, you can wish us back with those dragonballs of yours.

<Johnny>: Speaking of dragonball Z, let's introduce our first match.

*Shows profiles*

<Johnny>: Created from an evil scientist, semi powerful, and highly egotistical, is none other than Android 17. His opponent, also created by an evil scientist, is married, has a child, and is quite pretty. She's the twin sister of Android 17, introducing Android 18.

*Shows the ring*

<Nick>: And it appears our fighters have just entered the ring.

<Dende>: I hope that 18 wins.

<Nick>: Mind filling us in on why these two decided to battle to the death?

<Dende>: I don't mind at all. You see, after 17 tried to kill 18's husband for looking at him funny, she got completely upset, and challenged him to a one-on-one battle. He suggested to take it up in the deathmatch ring. How he knew about that is beyond even "my" knowledge.

<Nick>: A wonderful story indeed!

<Johnny>: Here comes referee Mills Lane to start the fight.

<Mills>: Okay, I want a good clean fight! No ki blasts that'll end up decimating the ring, or the audience! Understand? Good! Now, let's get it on!

*the bell starts the fight*

<18>: I don't know what possessed you to try to kill Krillin, but you're not getting away with it! *quickly moves behind him and backhands him to the ground*

<Johnny>: 18 takes the initiative!

<Nick>: Now that's what I call a powerful bitchslap.

<17>: *quickly gets up* Dear dear sister. Must I make this painful? *tackles her and is punching her rapidly*

<Johnny>: 17 shows no mercy, even to family!

<Nick>: He sure knows how to put a woman in his place.

<Johnny>: Nick, please, enough with the lame jokes.

<18>: *kicks 17 in the crotch. While he is in pain, she ki blasts him through his stomach, then gets out of the way.*

<Johnny>: Looks like 17 has one monstrous hole in his stomach!

<Nick>: No more eating for him!

<17>: I can't believe you did that to me!

<18>: Then you won't believe this! *does a roundhouse, but her leg is caught in the air*

<17>: *holding her leg* Oh, I believe it. *rips out her leg, then beats her with it*

<Nick>: Boy that's not pretty!

<Johnny>: If I didn't know she was an Android, I would be feeling sorry for her right now!

<Nick>: And 17 is not quitting! Will this be the end of her?

<17>: *has stopped beating her* Well, I'm in a hurry. Looks like it's time to end this. *fires a ki blast, but 18 dodges just in time*

<Johnny>: Wow! A huge comeback for 18!

<18>: *standing on only one leg* What are you waiting for? An invitation? C'mon!

<17>: If you really want death "that" badly, all you had to do was ask. *charges up another ki blast* Goodbye dear sister. *shoots the blast straight at her*

<18>: *at the right moment, punches it right back at 17, sending him flying out of the ring*

<Nick>: A rebound attack, courtesy of 18!

<17>: *powers up, then charges at 18*

<18>: *does the same*

*both are duking it out evenly, all in the air. 17 hits 18 back in the ring*

<17>: Time to finish you!

<18>: You first! *charges up a destructo disk* Here's a move I learned from Krillin! *hurls it*

<Johnny>: Amazing! We get to witness firsthand, the famous destructo disk!

<Nick>: Things aren't looking too good for 17.

<17>: *is trying to dodge, and is occasionally dodging it just in time to cut up a few of the stage lights.* I'm too fast for your slow attack! *while still dodging it, has a new ki blast ready for her. He's about to throw it, but another ki blast hits him directly, causing him to fall amongst the audience.*

<Johnny>: And 18 is saved!

<Nick>: But by who?

<Dende>: Look! Over there!

*camera zooms to audience*

<Johnny>: I see him! Could it be?

<18>: Krillin! I'm glad you could make it! Thanks for helping me!

<Krillin>: It's no problem.

<17>: *before he could respond, the diskus vertically slices him in half*

<Nick>: And 17 is out of the match!

<17>: *in half* Outside interference shouldn't count!

<Mills>: Hmm, I'll allow it!

<Krillin>: *picks up half of 17* How about we finish him off together?

<18>: You read my mind. *picks up the other half*

<Johnny>: And a teamwork attack is taking place!

<Krillin & 18>: *charge up a large ki blast, fire it at 17, disintegrating him*

<Mills>: *raises 18's arm in the air* The winner!

*bell stops the fight*

<Krillin>: Great fight, dear. Let's head over to Bulmas place so she can fix your leg.

<18>: Sure thing. And after that, let's go home for a little- *whispers the details in Krillins ear*

<Krillin>: *big smile* Well, what are we waiting for? Let's hurry to Capsule Corp!

*the two of them fly away*

<Nick>: What an amazing fight!

<Johnny>: Quite a "splitting" bout if I do say so myself.

<Nick>: But for right now, let's split for a commercial break.

*commercial break*

*end of commercial break*

<Nick>: Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch.

<Johnny>: For those of you just joining us, let me give you a recap.

*instant replay shows*

<Johnny>: A brutal exchange of blows were taken with Android 18 blasting a hole into Android 17's stomach. 17 retaliated by ripping out 18's leg, and then beating her with it. It finally resulted with a minor distraction from her husband Krillin, causing him to lose focus of the flying obstacle, and ending up paying for it! Now, back to our next match!

*shows profiles*

<Nick>: Our next match is somewhat of an interesting one. We pitted the number 1 DBZ pervert Master Roshi against the number 1 madwoman Lunch.

*goes back to Nick and Johnny*

<Dende>: But how did you convince those two to fight?

<Johnny>: Well, it's kind of hard to explain, so take a look at the exits.

*shows exits*

<Nick>: As you can see, there is a pile of pornography leading from the Kame house to the deathmatch ring, and on the other side, there are various jewels, also leading from the Kame house to the ring.

<Dende>: But why weren't those objects already stolen by someone else?

<Johnny>: We have the deathmatch swat team keeping all other people from taking them.

*Shows a random person trying to steal the jewel, only to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a bunch of soldiers.*

<Swat soldier>: Anyone else wants some?!

<Audience>: *quietly return to their seats*

*camera goes back to Nick and Johnny*

<Dende>: Oh, I see.

<Johnny>: And here comes our contestants now!

*camera zooms to the ring*

<Lunch>: *has picked up the last jewel* There! *looks around* What the hell?! Where am I?!

<Roshi>: *has picked up the last piece of pornography* At last! My collection is complete! *looks around* Hmm, I knew there'd be a catch.

<Nick>: *looks closer at the pornography collection* Wait a minute! Those are mine! *noticing Dende and Johnny looking at him* Uh, I mean, those "should" be mine, if I was that type of person.

<Mills>: *steps into the ring* Alright you two, here's the deal. The first one to win this deathmatch, wins the loot.

<Roshi>: So, all I gotta do is beat Lunch, and all this is mine? YAHOO! *calms* Of course, I won't try to kill her though.

<Lunch>: That will be your downfall old man. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is going to separate me from these jewels.

<Mills>: Then it's settled. Okay, I want a good clean fight! The only rules, is that you do what I say! Alright, let's get it on!

*bell starts the fight*

<Lunch>: Time to die old man! *pulls out a machine gun, and starts firing*

<Johnny>: Lunch wastes no time and fires a full arsenal!

<Nick>: How the hell did she conceal that?

<Dende>: *slightly blushing* I'm not quite sure.

<Roshi>: *is frantically dodging each bullet*

<Lunch>: *runs out of ammo, then pulls out another one, and fires*

<Nick>: What the hell? Another one? What's next, flamethrowers?

<Lunch>: *is out of ammo* Fine! Dodge this! *pulls out a flamethrower, and chases him with it*

<Nick>: Guess I spoke too soon.

<Roshi>: *turns to Lunch, does a flip behind her, and kicks the weapon out of her hands*

<Johnny>: I wish I could say that she's now unarmed, but she probably has a rocket launcher or something mysteriously in there.

<Roshi>: Alright Lunch. I don't want to hurt you. Give up right now. *throws some dust in her face*

<Johnny>: Dust thrown to the face! A cheap move indeed!

<Lunch>: *sneezes* Huh? Where am I?

<Nick>: This just keeps getting stranger and stranger! Lunch apparently has some weird kind of split personality!

<Roshi>: So, you alright?

<Lunch>: Alright from what?

<Roshi>: Well c'mon, I'll take you home. *puts an arm around her waist*

<Lunch>: Um, alright. *some of the leftover dust causes her to sneeze again* What?! *smashes Roshi's head into the concrete, and she is now waiting for a response.*

<Johnny>: And the evil personality triumphs over Roshi!

<Mills>: *looks at the head buried Roshi* He'll be there for quite a while. *raises Lunch's arm in the air* The winner!

<Lunch>: Don't touch me! *throws Mills Lane into the audience*

<Mills>: Watch it lady, or I'll have to teach you a lesson!

<Lunch>: *pulls out a rocket launcher* What was that, old man?

<Mills>: Er, nothing.

<Lunch>: Well, it's about time I--*is now out cold*

<Roshi>: It pays to play opossum.

<Johnny>: A very unlikely turn of events!

<Nick>: Roshi has just pressure pointed Lunch into submission!

<Mills>: *raises Roshi's arm in the air* The "new" winner!

<Roshi>: Goku! Krillin! Pick up the jewels and the magazines! I need to "tend" to Lunch here. *picks her up* See ya at the Kame house! *leaves*

<Goku>: But Krillin left with 18. *sighs* Oh well. It looks like it's up to me. *is quickly putting the things in a large pile*

<Nick>: I guess the old man has many tricks up his sleeve.

<Dende>: I'm just glad nobody died.

<Johnny>: And that's not all! Stay tuned as you will witness the fight of a lifetime! Right after these messages!

*Commercial break*

*End of commercial break*

<Johnny>: Welcome back to celebrity deathmatch!

*replay shows*

<Johnny>: On our last fight, Lunch tried to fire at Roshi with many varieties of weapons. She then changed personalities that lulled Roshi into a false sense of security, only to have it backfired against him. Thinking that she was the winner, Lunch let her guard down to be surprised attack by an old man who was playing dead.

<Nick>: Quite a splendid fight.

<Dende>: Um, where is Mills Lane?

<Nick>: Oh, that. You see, once he found out who the third opponents were, he hightailed it out of here like he was south of the border.

<Dende>: I sense some very strong power levels. Who are they?

<Johnny>: Let's answer that now, shall we?

*shows profiles*

<Johnny>: The first combatant is in fact "not" from the DBZ world. He isn't even from any world. He's the person you'd hate to love. The person who annoys all who reads his fics, the super saiyan wannabe hermaphridite, Oscar!

<Dende>: Oscar? Who is Oscar?

<Nick>: Glad to answer your question. For those of you who were lucky enough not to catch a glimpse of his fics, even in mst form, here's a short bio. Oscar is a lemon self insert writer who is an all powerful super saiyan. He also claims to be a hermaphridite. In his fics, he defeated many powerful Sailor Moon villians, made out with a white talking cat, a catwoman named Felicia, and a few other Tiny Toon and Looney Toon characters that, for the sake of our stomachs, won't mention. Very annoying indeed.

<Johnny>: That's right, Nick. So, to see just how powerful he "really" is, we took him out of his turf, and pit him against a fighter that's so powerful, even "we" are regretting doing so.

<Dende>: Regret? Who could it possibly- *has just realized the power level* No! Are you insane?! Anything but him!

<Nick>: Relax, Dende. That's why "you're" here. Should something go wrong, you could just revive everyone with the dragonballs. Er, by the way, I hope you have a teleportation spell ready.

<Dende>: I do "now!"

<Nick>: Johnny, go ahead and introduce the battle.

*camera shows the ring*

<Johnny>: Introducing our first combatant, Artemis's lover, Oscar!

<Audience>: *boos and jeers*

<Oscar>: Shut the f**k up y'all! I don't hung with ppl like u!

<Nick>: What the hell did he just say?

<Johnny>: According to this mst'ers guidebook on dealing with an Oscarfic, hung means hang, ppl means people, and u is short for you.

<Nick>: Well, I guess I can overlook that.

<Johnny>: Now for the other fighter! The villian you all love to hate! The dangerous, the deranged, Majin Buu!

<Buu>: *instantly lands in the ring*

<Audience>: *too scared to say anything*

<Dende>: What's wrong with you guys?! That's the evil Buu!

<Nick>: I thought he was already evil.

<Dende>: No, I mean that's the one with the muscles!

<Nick>: Oh.

<Buu>: Buu hungry.

<Oscar>: Well as soon as the fight starts, I'll feed you my fist!

<Johnny>: And introducing our guest referee, the love of Oscars life, here is Artemis!

<Artemis>: *jumps in the ring, limping* Hi everyone.

<Oscar>: Luv ya lil luvmuffn.

<Nick>: *is looking through the guidebook* Oh, I see it now.

<Artemis>: Well, I want a good clean fight. Just please end it fast. *whispering to Buu* And please kill me while you're at it.

<Oscar>: I heard that you naughty cat. Don't make me punish you.

<Nick>: *cringes* That sentence was uncalled for.

<Johnny>: Tell me about it.

<Artemis>: Well, you know the rules. There are, in fact, no rules whatsoever, so go nuts.

<Oscar>: Good. I can use whatever tak I want now.

<Nick>: Johnny? What is tak?

<Johnny>: I think it means tact.

<Buu>: *grins evilly*

<Artemis>: Well, as Oscar would say to me, *put head down in shame* Let's get it on.

*the bell starts the fight*

<Oscar>: *turns super saiyan 2 and repeatedly strikes Buu.*

<Buu>: *is just standing there.*

<Oscar>: *continues to strike until he tires, then backs away. To his shock, Buu is unscathed.*

<Nick>: Wow! Majin Buu can sure take a hit!

<Johnny>: Several to be precise.

<Oscar>: Hey! U were spose'd to be hurt!

<Nick>: *is looking through the guidebook* Doesn't this book have some kind of index?

<Buu>: It Buu's turn.

*from where he was standing, Buu swung several punches at Oscar, who was barely able to dodge each one*

<Johnny>: Buu has quite a reach.

<Oscar>: Fine then! Kamehameha! *fires it at Buu, who swiftly dodges it, taking out some of the audience* Hehe, oops.

<Nick>: And Oscar takes out some fans, not like he had some in the first place.

<Buu>: *quickly fires a large blast out of his mouth, hitting Oscar directly*

<Johnny>: And a counterattack from Buu!

<Oscar>: *is recovering from the blast* Ow! That really put a frogn on my face!

<Dende>: A frogn?

<Johnny>: Well, you see, Oscar is also known for his strange way of spelling. What did he mean, Nick?

<Nick>: *is looking through the book* It says here that it means frown.

<Johnny>: How frog and frown can be mistaken are beyond me.

<Oscar>: I didn't want to use this, but u left me no choice. *quickly wraps himself around Buu* But I'm taking you with me! *uses the kamikaze explosion move.*

<Johnny>: Is it over? Is that really the end of the fight?

<Artemis>: Unfortunately, no.

<Oscar>: *when the smoke clears, he is still in one piece, while Buu is in many pieces* Looks like I win!

<Nick>: How the hell?!

<Johnny>: I may not be a DBZ expert, but doesn't that move cause the user to die as well?

<Nick>: That's what "I" was assuming.

<Artemis>: Not in "his" fics. *is about to declare Oscar the winner, when he noticed Buu's pieces have quickly came together, and rematerialized him.* Back to the fight!

<Johnny>: When we said that Buu was extremely powerful, we didn't know how right we were!

<Dende>: This won't end well.

<Oscar>: How?! I killed you!

<Buu>: Buu was going to ask you same question.

*Before Oscar could ponder the thought further, Buu gave him a lightning fast pummeling, weakening the saiyan wannabe*

<Johnny>: And Oscars receiving the beating of his life!

<Oscar>: You haven't won yet!

<Buu>: Is it true that you boy and girl?

<Oscar>: In a way, why?

<Buu>: *kicks him in the crotch* Just wanted to know if that would hurt.

<Nick>: A kick to the family jewels! An evil attack if there ever was one!

<Oscar>: *after recovering from the kick, stands back up* Heh. Watch this. *splits into two Oscars*

<Nick>: Oscar has just split himself into two people!

<Oscar>: Watch us fuse.

*The two Oscars perform the fusion dance, and when the light clears, all that is there is one Oscar. Not fused of course.*

<Nick>: What the hell was that for?! I don't notice any difference!

<Johnny>: That's because there isn't. You see, in order for a fusion to be successful, you need two separate souls with even power levels and size. In Oscars case, since he had no one to fuse with, he tried to fuse with himself, but to no avail.

<Nick>: So is he screwed?

<Johnny>: Pretty much.

<Oscar>: What?! That's not fair! I'm supposed to win!

<Buu>: This isn't Oscarfic. This world where anyone can win. By the way, you like candy?

<Oscar>: Yeah, why?

<Artemis>: Stop!

<Buu>: What?

<Artemis>: Don't turn him into candy!

<Buu>: Why?

<Oscar>: Because he truly loves me, that's why.

<Artemis>: No, it's because he might absorb into you when you eat him.

<Oscar>: Traitor!

<Nick>: Can Oscar really do that, Johnny?

<Johnny>: No, but apparently Artemis doesn't want to take any chances.

<Oscar>: What the f**k is wrong with you Artemis! You're spos'ed to be my lover!

<Artemis>: Only against my own will! Besides, I saw what you forced Luna to do to Usagi while she was sleeping!

<Nick>: I don't think I'll comment on that one Johnny.

<Johnny>: Same here Nick.

<Buu>: Buu heard enough talk. If Buu don't turn you into candy, then Buu turn you into something else! Buu hope you like eggs.

*before Oscar could react, he was transformed into a lifeless egg by Buu, which he then crushed it under his foot. He looked at the yolk, shot out an eyeblast, and disintegrated the remains.*

<Artemis>: Majin Buu is the winner!

<Dende>: And that's my cue to get the dragonballs ready back in my world. *teleports back to his world*

<Nick>: I wonder why he was so scared?

<Buu>: Buu hungry! Buu eat chocolate now! *transforms the whole audience into chocolate, except for Nick, Johnny, and Artemis.*

<Johnny>: I can see why Dende was so afraid.

<Nick>: Yeah.

<Johnny>: We released a monster, Nick!

<Buu>: *inhales all of the chocolate*

*While Buu is eating the chocolate, Artemis runs away. Buu sees him and changes him into a 2 liter of soda*

<Buu>: Buu need drink to wash down chocolate. *picks up the soda bottle and drinks it*

<Nick>: Think we should git while the gittens good?

<Johnny>: It wouldn't really matter, Nick. Look what happened to Artemis.

<Nick>: Good point.

*After Buu finished drinking, he turned to face Nick and Johnny.*

<Buu>: You two. Close the story for Buu. *flies through the roof, and high into the air.*

<Johnny>: I sure hope Dende gathers those dragonballs soon.

<Nick>: You heard the creature, Johnny. Let's close this episode. *clears throat* Thank you for watching celebrity deathmatch. I'm Nick Diamond.

<Johnny>: And I'm Johnny Gomez, saying good fight, good night!

<Nick>: And possibly goodbye!

*High into the sky*

<Buu>: *raises his hand high into the air* Human extinction attack.

*credits roll*

THE END

Authors note: Well, I hope you liked it. Sorry for making it end like that, but when you think about it, that "is" something Majin Buu would do. And don't worry about Nick and Johnny. Dende will fix all of this by collecting the dragonballs again.

Send questions, comments, and other stuff to evil_reviewer@hotmail.com

Please, no flames. This fic was meant to be Halloween like, so I "had" to think of some scary matches, so don't take it seriously. If you have to criticize, then please keep it at a constructional level. Otherwise, I hope you all enjoyed it.