Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Dreams ❯ Dreams ( One-Shot )

I was ripped from my meditations by visions of flames the moaning of the dead, and then a blood curdling scream a few seconds afterward. I was instantly in my battle mode, my senses working on overdrive. But as they did not sense anything, I realized that it was merely Ryven, and I sighed.
One thing I did not miss about my time training Gohan was the interruptions in my meditations. If there was one thing that irritated me the most, it was being interrupted when I took my nightly repose. Because not only do I rest during this time, but I train mentally. And as far as I was concerned, every interruption was a obstacle in my progress. However, I knew that as long as I took the time to train others younger than I, the interruptions would be inevitable, and in that, I had to learn to grow used to them, and keep my temper in check. And my time training Ryven was no exception to this, for she was prone to nightmares, nightmares of which I saw the likes of.
I knew when she had them. When I had met her, I had probed her memories, to see what was holding her back. Since then, when she dreamed of the atrocity which had befallen her, I sensed them as well, and I saw glimpses of them in my meditation. And these glimpses usually meant that the remainder of the night was to be spent consoling the poor child. I always knew that somehow she could tell I was irritated with it, because she always apologized after she woke up screaming. However, her apologizing always made be feel like such a bastard for being irritated with her, for her nightmares were not under her control.
But however irritating or tiring these nights were, it always proved to be consolation to me that she still confided in me as much as she did. It made me feel...needed. Important. Something I often found I did not feel in my home dimension. That, and her nightmares made me angry. It made me angry that someone could cause such torment to such a small child, and have no regrets, save that she herself was not killed as well.
I quieted my sigh and looked down at Ryven. She was staring straight up at the sky, her eyes wide, panting. She had been sleeping next to me against a tree when night enveloped us, curled into her cloak. Now she was drenched in sweat.
If it had been a year earlier, I would have barked at her to go back to sleep. But now I realize that this is something that she needed to get through gently. I had realized that this was different than training. And, though I find it odd to say so, when this sort of thing happened, and I was able to console her...I felt....at peace. A feeling I had long since forgotten, ever since Gohan's death. It felt like something within me had been sated, but I could not quite place what part of me needed to be fulfilled.
"Ryven." I ventured quietly, solidly. Deep blue eyes flicked toward me, and in realizing where she was, Ryven let out a long sigh as she trembled in the dark. I extended one arm toward her and brushed her bangs back from her eyes tenderly, consolingly.
"Sensei.....I'm sorry..." she ventured back, her voice shaking. Again, I felt the guilty twinge, but shook it aside.
"Iie..." I replied. "It is nothing to be sorry about. It is not under your control."
Ryven flinched a little, seeming to hesitate. I knew what she wanted to do, but she was unsure. Because I was so sparse with the way I dealt affection to her, she rarely knew how to act around me, even after this past year.
That stung slightly as well. Am I that hard to be around? Bah, of course I am. It is my way; if I gave in to coddling her, she would be weak, and I cannot afford that. I cannot afford bringing home a weakling when my home dimension is on the line. But on the other hand, this child was parentless and alone, except for my presence, of course. How badly did it affect her if the one person that accepts her refuses show any sort of affection? I remembered showing Gohan plenty of it, in my own way. But that was Gohan... Gohan was different. Gohan was strong to begin with. But then again, so was she...Bah. It did not matter now. We were not training, and she needed to feel ....loved.
I brushed my previous thoughts aside and put my arm around her shoulders, realizing that my hesitance, caused by my thoughts, was making her nervous. Ryven let out a sigh of relief and leaned against my side. The poor girl was still trembling under my arm, so I held her closer.
"Young One, there is nothing to be scared of now. It is over, I am here." I quietly consoled. She stopped trembling a moment; I found it odd, she always calmed at the sound of my voice.
"I know," she whispered. There was a moment of silence, then she crawled into my lap and nestled into my gi. I allowed her to do so, resting one of my hands on the top of her head while I held her close with the other. She sniffled a little and I brushed her golden hair back softly, trying to comfort her so she would not have to cry. I hated it when she cried. It made me feel so bad when she did, even though the reason for her grief may not have been my own fault. But to my own dismay, she did start to cry; softly, but crying nonetheless.
"Come, Young One, quiet now..." I tried to comfort her, but I knew that after these dreams she was nearly unconsolable. Still, I did the best I could to make it as painless as I could, at least. "There is no need for tears."
"I-I'm sorry, I can't help it..." she sobbed quietly, making an admirable attempt at controlling her grief. "I just-" She cut herself off as she spoke, and merely kept with her sobbing.
She just what?
"You just what?" I nudged her a little, urging her on. Now she had my curiosity. "If you say it, it will not haunt you."
Ryven took a breath and looked up at me. Her blue eyes were watery, but with an expression of pleading. Something was tugging at the back of my mind, but I could not quite place that either.
She began quietly. "I just..." She stopped again. I could see whatever she wanted to say was hard for her. "Sensei...will you be my father? Can I call you papa?"
I was in shock. Me? Father? I realized then that that was what felt sated during these times. And instantly, half of me wanted to give her permission as soon as she asked. I wanted to call her daughter. I had already began to think of her as so, but to actually be able to call her that set my mind racing. But then, reason set in. If she were to call me father, and I were to call her daughter, many things would change. I would feel compelled to treat her differently. My harsh training would no longer be appropriate. But it was that level of difficulty that made her strong. And I needed her strong. If I were to bring home a weakling, my dimension would be doomed. I could not afford to be the father she wanted at the price of my home being destroyed.
"Ryven, I am honored that you would ask me such a thing..."
Her eyes lit up a moment, and a hint of a smile crossed her young face. I winced a little at it, feeling a pang deep in my chest, and continued.
"...but, I feel it would not be wise to do so."
Her face fell instantly. "But....but why? Don't you like me?"
"Hai, I mean, Iie, I mean-" I sighed. "I do like you, Ryven. But that is why I cannot allow this."
Her lower lip quavered. "But why? I don't understand..."
I saw how wide her eyes were, and little by little I felt my resolve slipping away. I grunted, and steeled myself to her. "There is nothing to understand, Ryven. If I father you, you will be weak, and that is all there is to it. Now no more discussion on it."
She opened her mouth to say something else, but then she gave up on it. Letting out a sigh, Ryven slowly begain to withdraw from my lap. Something in me stung as I felt her tiny, warm body remove itself from mine.
"Ryven...we are not training now. You do not have to-"
The elf girl looked up at me. "...Sensei, I won't stop thinking of you as my papa."
I bowed my head a little and nodded. "Hai, I understand."
Inwardly I was relieved. And I suppose more emotion had leaked out than I had intended, because she seemed to sense my relief, and my conflict. I felt her crawl back into my lap, and I opened my eyes to see her leaning against me, curling up, but staring straight ahead. I began to stroke her hair again.
"Gomen, Ryvenchan. But it has to be this way."
"I understand." Her usual cheery voice was quieted and hushed.
"...and though I cannot allow myself to be your father, I will take care of you in any way I can."
Ryven looked up to me, her eyes still wet, but calmer. "Sensei...I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I can take care of myself, I have since I was little..."
I shook my head. "Iie. You are still little, Young One. And it is not right nor fair for you to have to take care of yourself so young. I will take care of you as long as I am able, or until you are old enough, whichever comes first."
She smiled, and I suddenly felt warm, and that need to fulfill a paternal instinct was sated. Ryven wrapped her tiny arms around me as much as she could and hugged me tightly. And for the moment, I allowed her to. I gently squeezed her back and sighed a little as she settled into me, deep in thought.
Perhaps later, when all this was over, I would allow her to call me father. And then, perhaps, I could take her home with me, as she has no ties here. I smiled softly to myself. I think she would enjoy that greatly. My comrades at home would accept her with open arms.
But the balance...no. It reacted with the over abundance of dark ki. It should not pose a threat with light ki. I sighed, as the thought was troubling. Then I shook myself from it. No, do not worry about this now. We will ...cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, we both need to be at rest.
With that thought in mind, I closed my eyes and rested with my seito in my arms. And for a moment, we both felt peace; something we had not felt in a long time. A soft breeze blew over us both, and she shivvered in my arms. I pulled the cloak tighter around her shoulders and held her closer. And as I sighed, I felt more content that I had ever felt. And in that moment, I regretted refusing her request. But it was for the best. And it was not forever.
Besides, even if the proper nomeclature was not there, I knew, deep down, that she was my daughter.