Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fall of the Mighty ❯ Confusion ( Chapter 34 )

~The Queen Of The Fic Is Back~

After much, much, MUCH waiting and torturous excursions, I'm back! I'm going to do my best to update regularly again but I can't promise. Got a full plate with school and a job that I'll find out next week if I get or not. I plan to finish this time.

I've been going over the reviews and flames here and I must say, it's interesting how many people hate Spice with a passion while others love her. *shakes head* I just thought that I would point out to all who actually read the author's notes that I have a specific purpose for all of my characters and I write them all differently. I gave them all distinct personalities and, yes, I made Spice a bit obnoxious on purpose. None of them are perfect and most of them have huge character flaws which play large roles in the story. Things would be very different if those flaws didn't exist.

Gee, Amadeo has been quite busy with me lately. *laughs* I know that everyone wants Vegy/Kaky action. I truly do. But too bad. This story has plenty of distance to travel and it has spread out a bit. You'll just have to deal with the other characters as well. I have a plotline to dust off, you know. *smirks evilly* Oh what plot bunnies I have raised! In my absence they have done what all bunnies do and multiplied tenfold.

I'd like to think that my writing skills have improved as well. I found so many mistakes while rereading this!! Anyway. My side characters shall continue to thrive and produce angst and my main characters will continue to flounder without direction and there's nothing you can do about it but read and hope!!! *grins* Because, as much as some wish it weren't so, I write this for myself, not you. But I'm glad that some of you enjoy it as much as I do. Those of you who actually took the time to stop and flame me… *chuckles and shrugs* Cool.

~Long Live The Queen~

Music for this chapter:

Die Trying - So Long, Words That Kill

Nothingface - Sleeper, Beneath

Linkin Park - Part Of Me, Crawling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You are a fool, Kakarotto."

"I probably am." Goku admitted. "But I still don't believe you." Then, quicker than Vegeta could react, the taller Saiyan placed his fingers to his forehead, appeared before him, and slammed into the prince, carrying him down the hall and through the open front door, into the pleasantly warm midday air. Outside the ouji grunted and snarled, catching himself and throwing Goku off again. He powered up and braced to attack but the larger man took the offense and came at him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Confusion*

No.

Pain. Anger. Hate. Hopeless. Meaningless. Powerless.

Vegeta fought back.

`Kami!'

There it was again. There was that pain again. That horrible, unbearable, all encompassing agony. That terrible empty hopeless worthlessness. He'd been free of it for so long. He'd been occupied by all this shit for so long that it had been pushed away. But now…now it all came crashing down upon him. It twisted inside like a knife. He had been free of it but now it was just as heavy and crushing as it had ever been.

Here, in the center of yet another fight. Facing the one who caused him such anger and pain and grief and…and…and took it all away at the same time…but it never truly went. It could never truly be erased. It was always there and now his anger pushed to the front again.

`And I had been almost free! Almost! And *he* had to stop me! *He* had to do this to me! *He* had to cause so much more when I already couldn't stand it anymore.'

Vegeta was tired. He was so very tired of it all. He wanted it to just disappear again. Just end.

But it wouldn't end!!

It just grew worse!!

It wouldn't stop!!

He just wanted to make it stop!!!

In his anguish, in the middle of the fight, just as Kakarott came at him yet again, it all came to the front. It all came crashing down and his energy exploded, thrusting Goku back by the sheer weight of it.

"I would have been better off if I never net you!" He screamed.

"I was better off before you ever did this to me! Why wouldn't you just let me die?! It would have ended! It would have finally stopped! I wish I'd never met you! I wish you'd let that monk fucking kill me all those years ago! It would have been preferable to what I've become! Your mercy is the cruelest of anything I have survived in this life!"

His emotions exploded in the form of the power he'd gained so recently, desperately searching for outlet. Any outlet. His eyes fell on Kakarott, glowing golden and faced off against him with a stunned expression on his face but still challenging and ready to take him on. Just begging for Vegeta to unleash all this pain. He could do it. He could finally put an end to all of this.

Right now.

With an agonized bellow of rage, white hot ki gathered at the lost prince's fingertips. It was searing in it's intensity as furious, wild eyes locked onto Goku, ruthless and unmerciful.

But at the last instant he caught himself.

He caught himself and he turned to the forest.

And Vegeta ran.

He just ran.

He ran from the pain. He ran from the agony. He ran from the rage. He ran from what he had been about to do. Because if he stayed…he would have to fight…and he had no control left. He'd destroyed enough in his lifetime. Enough to know just what he could and would do when it came right down to it. What, deep down inside, he *wanted* to do.

He ran blindly, his energy consuming him and everything in his path, and Kakarott followed right behind him.

Goku took a moment to shift gears. One moment it seemed that there would be an all out battle, that Vegeta was really really mad and about to come at him with everything he had. If that were the case, then Goku knew that it would be a true fight and he couldn't truly be sure of the outcome. Not anymore. But then suddenly the prince was gone, crashing through the forest and leaving a blackened, smoking trail behind him. It didn't take more than that to make Goku give chase. Still…he had to power up just to stay within sight of the other Saiyan.

What was going on? Why was Vegeta acting this way? Why…was he so unstable? Suddenly a huge section of forest ahead blasted into dust by an explosion of wild energy. It seemed to mirror his thoughts of chaos and unpredictibility, then all was suddenly quiet. Goku ran into the still smoldering disaster and slowly came to a lumbering halt, staring around in shock.

A huge circle of forest was…gone. Just gone. A blackened and smoking crater, devoid of all life.

Vegeta was gone.

There was no sign of his ki anymore. The first thought that leapt to Goku's mind was that he'd destroyed himself once again like he did for Buu, but he swatted the thought away immediately. Vegeta couldn't have done that. Couldn't have! And the destruction was not so terrible. No, Vegeta was still alive. He was just…gone. Unstable. The word came back to Goku along with a feeling of dread that wasn't at all new. The prince had been exploding with rage and emotion and his energy had been saturated with the intensity of it. The earth-raised Saiyan could still feel its signature vibrating like static in the air. Vegeta had almost let it consume him here, he'd let it out recklessly and uncontrolled until he could control it again…and then he bottled it up so tightly that he just disappeared. Goku had felt him seize it and drag it under control again just before he crushed it so that Goku couldn't sense him anymore.

He was just gone.

"…Vegeta…don't do this…you don't have to do this…"

Goku sank down and just sat among the ashes in this once green section of his lush forest. He really didn't understand what was happening. First, Vegeta would say one thing and then do something else…and then do what he always did…but it was different now. There was a quality of tense…what? Tense... He could feel the tension. There was always tension around Vegeta but it was worse now. Why? And Vegeta had lied. Plain out lied through his teeth to Goku's face. Nothing seemed to make sense. Only now did he let Vegeta's last words get through.

Vegeta still wanted to die. He…what did he say? He said…that Krillin should have killed him way back when he came to earth. He said…

~"Your mercy is the cruelest of anything I have survived in this life!"~

~"I wish I'd never met you!"~

~"It would have been preferable to what I've become!"~

~"It would have ended! It would have finally stopped!"~

`What did you mean? What did I do to you, Vegeta? What would have finally stopped?'

He just didn't understand.

~~~~~~~

"Sit still."

The growl sounded impatient and longsuffering.

"I've been sitting for three hours! I'm starting to cramp up! Maybe if you gave me a little more direction than just `sit still and find your center'!"

"If you want can't even learn the patience to sit still then you have no hope of moving on in the lesson." Piccolo grumbled, beginning to feel tense himself. It had been a long time since he had been around anyone except Dende for such a prolonged period and even longer since he'd had to train another. His experience with Gotenks all those years ago still managed to leave a sour taste in his mouth.

"…Piccolo?"

The Namek sighed and relaxed his position. It seemed that nothing would be accomplished today.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tense, I guess. I mean… with all that's happened, how could I not be? I'll try to do better but I just can't right now." Tong paused but Piccolo made no response. "It's just… So much has happened. Why'd it all have to happen now? Why now? Why us?" The young man's distraught upset was obvious.

Piccolo's brow lowered.

"It's life, boy. Life forms and life ceases. It has nothing to do with who you are or your peace of mind."

"But why?! That's all I want to know. Why does it have to be the way it is?!"

"Because that is the way it is." The answer was flat and emotionless.

"That's not good enough!"

Now Piccolo had had enough. The young man's dissatisfied whining was beginning to grate on him.

"Kid, it doesn't matter what you think. Your opinion has no bearing on how the world works. Your complaining changes nothing. Get over it." He growled and glared at the boy who glared right back at him.

"I don't care! It doesn't make sense! It's not fair! It shouldn't be this way!"

"Kid..."

"It's not right! Things shouldn't be this way." He stared down at his hands. Long, thin fingers sat on his denim clad thighs. Fingers that had threaded through dark hair and once loving faces. Fingers that had brushed tears from his eyes too many times when those faces turned cold and uncaring. Fingers that had caressed his mother's pale cheeks while he struggled in vain to keep her conscious. "It's not fair."

"Tong."

The young man looked up, his eyes glistening brightly, to see the Namek towering over him. Piccolo wore a grimly calm mask.

"Go home, Tong."

The demi stared up at him with hurt filled eyes but Piccolo didn't falter. The young man needed to come to terms with himself. Until then, there was little that Piccolo could do with him. He didn't know how to deal with the complexities of these beings. He was completely different in species and nature. They acted emotionally, rarely using logic, and they seemed to put out extra effort to complicate their lives. It annoyed him to no end.

Suddenly Tong's emotional face turned hard and waspish.

"Fine! I don't care if you don't care. You couldn't possibly understand what I'm going through or what I'm dealing with!"

Angrily, the demi stood up, facing Piccolo with stiff defiance, and then he spun around and stalked off to take to the air and disappear. Piccolo just shook his head in aggravation and calmly sat once more in a lotus position to meditate.

Tong was halfway to his dad's house when he finally decided that he had acted too rashly. He'd completely embarrassed himself by being so juvenile. He was supposed to be an adult and here he was acting like a little kid. But it hurt! He felt so empty. So alone. And it would always be this way. He would always be alone. That belief made his eyes sting and his throat constrict and he flew just that much faster. He would have to apologize to Piccolo later. Just because the Namek was there didn't mean that he had to care. He didn't. These were Tong's problems and none of Piccolo's concern. It was wrong of him to try and push them onto the Namek. Piccolo was right to send him away. It still stung but Tong affirmed that he wouldn't blame him. It was his own fault.

When he arrived at his father's house, where he'd been staying since his mother's death, he found Gohan in the kitchen, rummaging around and attempting to make a late lunch. Tong smiled sadly at his father's back and entered. Gohan's shoulders drooped the barest fraction, but it was plain for the son to see.

"Here, dad, let me help out."

He knew he was much more acquainted with the stock, store, and workings of the kitchen than his father was. He'd spent a lot more time here with Videl than any of the others in his family. It had been their time together, talking, cooking, and providing for their loved ones.

~~~~~~~~

Spice yawned up at the darkening sky. It had been a surprisingly fun day despite the awfully constricted feeling in her frame and the headache that constantly beat at her temples. She felt jittery and nervous but managed to keep it to herself other than the fact that she'd maintained a less-than-discreet distance from the man with her, but he hadn't seemed to mind. She had also been able to keep from being grouchy too, which was a true feat for her at this point. She had attempted to avoid his hospitality as well, but he'd insisted. Since she had no money of her own, she ended up finally accepting when he'd paid for food and a sparse few other things as they wandered the city together.

It's not like she had eaten very much, not much at all due to the awful physical state she was in. Kami! She wanted a drink so badly! She *craved* it. Just the fact that she was going through this withdrawal was an unpleasant awakening. It was almost a physical pain, but there was nothing that she could do to numb it short of drinking it away…and she *wasn't* that weak!! It had helped to distract her a bit when they had sat at a small open air deli, eating slowly and talking of all sorts of unimportant things. When she'd finished eating, she'd looked off to the side and her eyes had locked mercilessly upon a stranger a few tables away. Not so much on the stranger as on the bear bottle in his hand. She'd been shocked when the almost uncontrollable urge came upon her to leap over the table and wrench the alcohol from his hand…and she wouldn't have been the least bit sympathetic if she'd broken his fingers in the attempt. It had also shocked her when she felt Taigar take hold of her white knuckled fist. Twitching her attention back to him and immediately forcing her hand limp and open. She tensed, realizing how awkward she'd been acting.

"Is there something wrong?" He'd asked, looking concerned. She found herself staring into his eyes which were such a pale, diamond blue. She hadn't noticed them before. Not really. And there was a tingling, almost electric feeling in her fingertips where he held them in his hand. A tingling that seemed to creep up her hand, up her arm, flowing strangely right up to her shoulder, making her feel…certainly not unpleasant…quite the opposite really…but…it was rather disconcerting all the same. She'd reclaimed herself shakily and began to draw her hand back. His eyes seemed to want to hold her there but she determined that that wasn't going to happen. "No, I was just thinking, sorry." As her fingers slid from his gentle hold there really was an electric shock which made her twitch slightly. Quickly she'd tucked her hand safely below the table and into her lap, the tingling slowly fading. She'd wished the flush on her cheeks would fade as well. His pale eyes still watched her closely for a moment more but he smiled again and nodded understandingly. "I see." She looked away again, thinking that it was quite a cool windy day and glad that her hair tended to be so spiky and controlled. At least it wasn't going to friz with the static in the air. Half mindedly, she noted that she felt just a little better. See? She wasn't *so* dependant. She could kick this habit. She glanced back at Taigar who was looking around the street. Especially if she had some welcome distractions…

Now they sat on an overlook on a hilltop in the center of the city. Spice reclined on the rock wall that was set as a safety barrier to keep overzealous view seekers from falling over the edge. Taigar was looking over the city and bay through the coin operated binoculars. He glanced up when he heard her yawn.

"I should take you home. You deserve some rest after such a long day, da?" He smiled that dazzling smile and she shrugged in non-committal disinterest, looking away.

"I'm good. Hasn't been that long. I had fun."

The tall blond cocked his head to the side as he eyed her thoughtfully.

"I hope that you do not mind me asking. I will not if you do…"

He left the question hanging and Spice smirked in amusement, wondering just what was coming.

"Ask away. I'll let you know if it's the wrong question."

He considered her speculatively before proceeding, as if trying to decide something. "You have a tail. I mean no disrespect, I'm just curious. I know that the animal races left the cities a long time ago. Where I come from, there are still some, but they all have the ears and some have the fur to match. You do not. I just wondered…"

"Ah…" Spice thought about that for a moment, trying to decide whether she should attempt to answer or if it was none of his business and that she should tell him so.

"It's a family thing. Not something that we broadcast. You know… It *has* been a long time since anyone has seen half-breeds or other species so…it's just easier that way. People aren't all that tolerant when it comes to stuff they don't see every day."

She made a point of not saying anything more specific. She may like this guy so far but she still didn't know him. It was none of his business, but she'd respect his curiosity at least. Taigar nodded his acceptance and offered her his hand when she moved to dismount the wall, but she waved it away with a dry smirk. Careful not to touch him in remembrance of what that had felt like earlier. It may not have been bad…but…it was unknown and Spice liked to stay in the known.

"A wise philosophy. I understand completely. Shall we?"

He gestured to his bike and she nodded. She really was tired. She still needed sleep badly. Maybe she would get it tonight.

"So, how long are you going to be around?" She asked, trailing off with another yawn.

He climbed onto the large bike and she sat behind him, as she had insisted on doing all day.

"I had just been passing through, traveling around, seeing the sights, but I think that I shall stay a bit longer. There are such interesting things around here. I want to learn about them all. So it just depends on how long that takes."

He cast a small smile that was almost as captivating as his roguish grin over his shoulder at her and gunned the engine, speeding back down the steep road.

At C.C. Spice hopped off the machine and resolved that she would have to get a motorcycle like it for herself someday. It was a thrill to ride. She refused to acknowledge that the machine might not have been the only thing giving her that thrill. "It was fun. Thanks. I needed to get out for a bit."

"Maybe we could do so again somewhen soon." Taigar suggested evenly.

Spice smiled at his pronounced accent. It still baffled her as to exactly what language it was from and he hadn't really answered her before. It didn't matter though.

"Maybe. Let me know if you want another tour. If I have the time, I wouldn't mind... I've got some stuff to deal with so…"

She shrugged casually instead of finishing the sentences, leaving them open for interpretation. Then she headed into the mansion.

Plopping onto the couch, she just smiled, thinking over the events of the day. There was a small fluttering in her stomach that somehow overpowered that nasty tense feeling and there was still a tingle under her skin which she dismissed and pressed down, choosing to label it as "effects of the moon" which was slowly shrinking from its full state. She took a deep breath and let it go, forcing all uncertainties away, turning to another train of thought.

She needed money.

Today's outing had driven that home to her. Not that she needed to spend it on anything in particular, but for her own peace of mind and security.

Where do you go when you need money?

Why, to family of course.

She sighed and felt out with her senses. She found Gohan and Tong together at home. Trunks and some of the kids were nearby. Her grampa was by himself at his home. She didn't feel Vegy anywhere nearby.

`Ah. There's someone. Pan must be working late `cause she's still at the dojo. I'll just go see what she's up to…'

~~~~~~~~~~

Pan sighed and hoped that Goten wasn't having too much trouble with the kids. She hated to dump them on him like this but there wasn't much she could do about it. She had resigned herself to being here for at least another three hours. She was also beginning to see why she couldn't keep anyone in this timeslot.

"Hey, sis. Long day?"

Pan looked up to see Spice leaning on the doorjamb of her office. She was surprised to see her but couldn't muster either the enthusiasm or the concern.

"Hey, Spice. It has been a long day and it's just getting longer. Haven't seen you in a while. You don't look drunk…are you looking to reminisce over old times or did you come to find out when the funeral is? If you care, that is." She continued to leaf through papers.

Spice seemed to falter a bit but she gathered herself and asked anyway, ignoring her sister's harsh comments.

"So you wouldn't happen to have a minute to talk, would you?"

"No, I don't, Spice. I've got a class waiting for me."

Then Pan sighed and put down the paperwork that she had been rifling through. "I'm sorry, Spice. I didn't mean all that. I'm just a bit overwhelmed and overworked."

Spice just shrugged and looked away, restrained and slightly guilty.

"Ah. Well, okay then. I understand. No biggy. I know what it's like. I think we've all been a little pissed lately. It wasn't really important. I just wanted to ask somethin, that's all." She hedged for a few seconds and then looked up at her big sister.

"There's gonna be a funeral?"

"Of course there is, what did you think? It's tomorrow, actually. The Martial Arts Federation is footing the bill, of course. It's going to be a real media event. Was even in the paper but you wouldn't have noticed that. I know you don't read the newspaper. Wish I didn't either." She sounded disgusted.

Of course Hercule Satan's daughter, owner of and strongest female fighter in the Federation, would get all the fanfare that she never wanted. Pan gathered up her supplies and then paused.

"What did you want to ask?"

Spice hesitated. This wasn't the most opportune conversation to bring this up in but she was here, she might as well. She made it a plain statement rather than a question.

"I'm broke."

Pan stopped and frowned at her. "You're broke."

Spice nodded.

"You're broke so you came to me?" Pan raised her eyebrows in condescending disbelief then shook her head. "I don't have time for this, Spice, I have too…" She drew up short suddenly. "Wait a minute. You're broke. You need money?"

"That's the general idea." Spice sighed sarcastically.

Pan's annoyed features brightened and she shoved her equipment bag into Spice's arms. "Alright then. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Four o'clock to eight and you close up the dojo."

Spice blinked. "What?"

Pan snatched up a set of keys from her desk and began ticking off each key's designation.

"Front door, back door, equipment room, lockers, office 1 and 2, filing cabinets, and safe. You'll be dealing with junior high age levels. Mostly white and yellow belts with one green. I expect this place to be organized and spotless when I open up in the morning. I've raised the rate over the last few weeks so count yourself blessed. Fifteen dollars an hour plus however long it takes you to clean up and close. Benefits after three months."

Spice found herself standing at the door to the dojo with Pan's equipment in her arms and a set of keys on top of it, watching while her sister got into her car and drove away.

Spice just stared and then turned around slowly. She could now hear the commotion of a large group of children in one of the closed back rooms and realized for the first time that a number of parents were sitting in the lobby watching her with doubtful expectance.

`Oh no…'

"Hello." A bright eyed soccer mom greeted her with a wide, unsure smile. "Are you taking over the class for Miss Son tonight?"

Spice looked around at the people who watched her so intently. `I'm such a sucker…'

"Uh… Yeah. I'll be dealing with the class from now on…I guess…" Inwardly she cringed at the statement but didn't dare show it. "You're all here `cause your kids are in the class, right?" They all nodded in agreement. "Good... One problem at a time..." Spice commented dryly and headed for the training room with heavy steps.

The door opened and she stepped into pandemonium.

`I am such a sucker…'

~~~~~~~~~~

Rogue: Alright!!! Here! I've updated! I have!!! See?? And….I'm working on it. I want so much to finish this story. I've been thinking about it almost every day. I'm gonna do my very best this time. Even with school 6 days a week and a full time job. I promise. I'm gonna try extra hard this time. This has been eating at me for weeks now.