Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fathoming Love ❯ Chapter 31 ( Chapter 31 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

“Things were a little rough for a while. When I wasn’t training and making crude marks to Bulma, (which between us, had taken on a training form of its own) I was out, figuring that if we really were on a time limit here, living a little wasn’t such a bad idea. I’d do somewhat human things from time to time, going to sports games and movies and the like. It really wasn’t something I indulged in much, or even to the knowledge of anyone else.


“But I soon discovered, much to the annoyance of Brief’s taxi service, that the bar scene held particular appeal. I became something of an alcoholic for a short while, working out hangovers during the days and drinking my way back to them during the nights. I think I sweated and pissed straight alcohol for a few weeks in there, numbing my mind of Bulma for as many hours of the day as I could.


“Yamcha no longer a distraction for us both, we were forced to run into each other more often these days, our wardrobes positively ridiculous as we would both take whatever flimsy excuse to “get out” and “go shopping” and do just about anything to free ourselves from the presence of the other.


“I won’t lie,” He said with a half grin. “I was a little pathetic, drinking myself into oblivion, buying condos and resorts and other things I’d never need just as an excuse to leave capsule corp. But despite all other options, I always seemed to come back, admiring the “location” which just happened to convieniantly give me a good view of the pool area. I even stooped so low as to pick up woman at bars, which wasn’t difficult in the least, though my “standards” did sometimes cripple that little idea. Sexually I was as insatiable as always, sometimes going at it for days of drug-induced stupors, returning a heap of hangover for Mrs. Briefs to scurry inside and lead to a guest bedroom where I would pass out for good amount of time before continuing my training.


“The outside world thought I went so deeply into my training that I was torturing myself but the truth was, in such a state of physical and mental weakness, the training was torturing ME.


“One night, I sat, slumped over the top of a bar, my feet hooked beneath a barstool as I just sat thinking about how low I’d stooped in the way of things. No, I’d always been a little bit of a drinker, of a partier, at least as much as was allowed back in the day. But I’d really sunk deeply into it these days, needing just anything to free myself from thoughts of her. It was like I was constantly swimming in a sea of “what if” and “but, well, maybe”s that were slowly just drowning me.


“ “Hey buddy,” a huge hand clapped on my shoulder, shaking me from my thoughts. “My pal here needs a seat, beat it eh?”


“I looked over, in a haze as I took in the size of this man, the hulking figure seeming to dance in front of my vision as I just took another drink, staring oddly at him. He was the type that had always dwarfed the world around him, using his intimidating figure to scare obedience and even respect from the men in his life. But he was still just human and obviously off-put by the fact that the seeming “pretty boy” of the bar was just gazing at him with a look of perfect indifference.


“ “Hm,” I mused allowed, chewing on the inside of my lip. “And here I was told the Nephilem had done’ died off. Never can believe what you read these days.”


He huffed, sucking in a large breath as he puffed out his chest.


“ “I believe I just asked you to move bud,” He growled, ugly bottom lip bulging out at me.


“ “And I believe you’ve just proven the theory of evolution, you big damn ape,” I snapped, taking another swig of my drink before clapping it down on the smooth, polished surface. “Besides, don’t you have an Empire State Building to be climbing up right about now?”


"A fist was thrown towards my head much quicker than I had anticipated he could even move, the alcohol apparently slowing me down. I dodge easily enough, the bulky hand smashing into the bottle of scotch I'd been cherishing, liquid and glass shattering everywhere. The bartender dove beneath the counter, various occupants of the bar scattering as I was surrounded by a massive group of overgrown humans.


" 'Ohh...' I smiled sadistically. 'This is going to be fun.'


"I stood up, grinning wildly which caught them entirely off guard, the single "pretty boy" seemingly at complete ease when faced with over ten stereoid induced men. The leader, Griff, as his minions called him, looked off-set by me, trying to grasp how it was that a perfectly aimed, perfectly orchestrated punch had missed me entirely, the speed with which I moved unnatural.


"I walked a bit closer towards him, the dim lighting illuminating my features just enough to make him falter backwards a little, the inhuman radiance of my skin and perfect features enlightening him to the sixth sense that all creatures carry when faced with a predator. It was like he realized quite instantaneously that he was facing something he didn't rightly comprehend and that something, in the way of basics, was higher up on the foodchain than he was.


"People stared from the cover of tables and barstools, watching in anticipation as I dared him to do that again. Griff, not to be dettered from his goal and ashamed to duck out amongst his friends, delivered a few well aimed throws, impressing me with his skills as I let him land every single one. He yanked his wrist back as a crack broke through the silence, the bone completely shattered when his fist connected with the granite surface of my cheek. His eyes were alight with agony and panick, his feet stumbling back as he just gawked in horror.


" "What... " He hissed in pain. "What the fuck ARE you?"


"I grinned when his friends came closer, spurned by the defeat of their collegue and desperate to gain his respect by falling me. One by one they took turns, fleshy fists clammering over my body as they hit me as hard as they could. I just laughed eventually, tilting back my head and becoming hysterical in it. The metalic tone of my voice at such a level stopped their attacks, my vocal cords long ago replaced by Frieza after he'd more or less torn out the organic ones. They all just stared at me in wonder, hating me for showering them with insecurities but also in complete fascination with something supernatural.


" "My turn?" I smirked.


"I was on them instantly, moving with super-human speed as I ground my knuckles against the frailty of flesh, breaking and busting bones with the simplest of attacks. Blood soared through the air, moistening my smile as I let myself indulge in it. Ah, but it had truly been too long and I loved the feeling of being infinitely stronger than anyone near me. I was a God in those moments and it dawned on me, as I tore the mask of hair from a man's head, that maybe I'd forgotten how much I thrived on violence. Even my time in space paled and I realized that I'd been so utterly soaked with human thoughts that I'd forgotten just what it was to be Saiyan.


"Bloodlust pumped in my veins like an inferno and I laughed with it, feeling so entirely free and alive that I couldn't help but become hysterical. I just laughed and laughed like a complete maniac, watching each one fall before me, others cowering in corners, horrified by their underestimation of something so monstrous. I made them realize how human they were, how entirely mortal the flesh that covered them was and they sank with it.


"My lust for power was completely rejuvenated and I soared with it, taking them out one by one even as they begged for mercy.


" "Please!" Griff screamed, on his knees as I approached. He trembled as he saw my eyes, understanding the complete detachment that dwelt there. Any semblence of normalty had long lost its place in this scene and he held his wrist painfully to his chest as he gazed up at me from beneath sweat drenched locks of black hair. "Don't."


"I lifted him weightless by his throat, grinning maniacly as I clenched steal fingers over thin, pumping flesh. He struggled, squirming like a fish in my hold, his body rocking back and forth as he was pressed up to the ceiling."


I felt a bit cold at this point, reliving the moments I had spent on a ceiling, courtesy of the prince. I even moved my hand to my throat, recalling the seconds that had ticked like hours, watching the animalistic urge pump behind his eyes, his instinct daring him to enact the violence it so strived for. In many ways, I had to see the Saiyan in him as almost an entirely different personality, the devil behind the man, unleashed in the worst of moments and making him question every moral and value in its wake.


"I dared myself to do it, to kill him, to touch my fingers together in a mash of flesh and bone and watch the life leave his eyes that stared upon me in all their blood-shot glory.


"A hand suddenly cupped my shoulder, and suspecting it was but another annoying minion, I grit my teeth, turning around to glare at the intruder. Kakarot's disappointed glare met my face and I started to laugh again at the stupidity of it. Oh, but if he only knew, I reasoned, how entirely natural this all was, how entirely contradictory to nature we both acted on a daily basis. I wanted to pull him to me almost sexually in that moment, my heart racing with a thousand instincts that pleaded for all things contrasting with humanity.


"I wanted him to be standing beside me, indulging in our ancestory, killing all those weaker than us. I wanted us to feed off one another, sexually, violently, everything in between. Because really, sex and violence are one in the same to a Saiyan. All a means to discover parts of ourselves through honing skills with another. I wanted to make him enjoy this because I realized, in so long a life, as seldom as even I had truly let myself go in violence, Kakarot had probably never allowed himself to feed off it, to live off it quite like I was in the moment.


"But everything I wanted him to do, I realized he wouldn't. He wasn't here to join me, to love me in the instance we gorged ourselves on human flesh. He wasn't here to rule with me or to conquer anything.
"He was here to stop me.
"I growled at him, twisting away from his touch as I clenched my fingers only harder, the life slowly leaving the awful human in my grasp. Kakarot's hand was just as quickly on my wrist, pushing it downwards to lower the human. I fought only marginally against him, loving the feeling of a hot hand covering my own. Truly, I was a complete sucker for contact, letting him remove Griff, coughing and wheezing, from my grip.


" "Lets go," He told me quite suddenly, gesturing for the door. I rolled my eyes at him, grabbing another bottle, full in its content, before reluctantly following him. I watched his face as I passed, loving how beautiful he was and wondering if he was even aware. I doubt he'd ever even taken the time to appreciate it, never having been beneath the influence of Zarbon as I had. Truly, the man was gifted in a thousand ways, his eyes always betraying that hint of intelligence he so often seemed to dispise.


" "Hey buddy." A trembling hand caught my shoulder, the eyes of a short, human man catching mine. He was fearful of me, that was true, but I had to give him credit for being bold enough to touch me after such a display, his hand shaking as he placed a card in my pocket. "You ever decide to go into professional fighting, you let me know eh?"
"I laughed at him, rolling my eyes when Kakarot made an insulted sound, walking us both through the door and into the outside world. I turned on my heel to look at him, coyly clicking off the bottle top and swishing the contents inside.


" "You're mad at me." I grinned like a lunatic, watching his beautiful mouth contort, searching for the answer. I loved when he pretended to be a moron, so contradictory to his nature as it was. If he realized how obvious his lie was to me, he never mentioned it, perhaps being quite oblivious to the fact that I knew perfectly well that a little bump on a Saiyan's head would NEVER, this late in life, still affect any part of his mental capabilities. Perhaps, for a few years after the fall, he had forgotten things and yes, maybe his memory had been permanently wiped away but intelligence wise? Kakarot would never fool me.


"A Saiyan mind constantly heals itself, as does his body, which is why we live so much longer than a human. Our cells constantly rejuvenate themselves, our minds never NEVER lost in age. There is no Alseimers Disease with Saiyans and to the day we die, we remain in the forms of young, healthy men with our brains completely intact.


"But as much as I loathed that he pretended to be a moron, I also understood his necessity for it. Grown in a world that despises ANYTHING it doesn't truly comprehend, Kakarot's only means of never isolating himself from the humans was to adopt ways for them to never fear him. From a young age, he had seen the prejudices of the human race, their complete horror at something that they can't control and their awful means to sustain themselves by destroying everything that didn't compute in their tiny little minds.


"So he became the humorous fool, the petty, shallowminded idiot that wasn't worth fearing. He honed his skills as the years went along, being loved for his simplicity and adored for the physical beauty and fascinating aspects he possessed. It became second nature to him for a while and when he suspected his unnatural intelligence would make others fearful of him, he regressed into his second instinct, which was, sad to say, a complete moron.


" "I'm not mad at you," He said finally, beginning to follow me as I walked. "I need you."
"I glanced sideways at this, as we journeyed through dark alleys, free from the fear most humans must possess when walking amongst the shadows of a ghetto. Kakarot looked almost shyly at me, his eyes darting away as soon as they connected with mine. The strong lines of his jaw shifted, his shaded eyelids squinting slightly.


" "What?" I grinned, throwing my head back as I drowned some of the bottle, wincing at the kick it gave to the back of my throat. "Wife not putting out these days? You know, there's only so much I can offer in that case."


" "Vegeta!" He hissed, embarrassed. It always humored me to make him so nervous, appealing to the very bisexual tendancies most Saiyans have. And he knew and I knew it, part of his nervousness around me always being that in the way of things, I knew a shit ton more about him than he knew about himself, or at least would accept.


"I suddenly pinned him to a wall, laughing in a dark voice as I enjoyed the closeness of his body, pressing myself into him. I was still stark raving mad with lust-- blood lust, sexual lust, shit, any kind of lust available-- drunk on the night and the small victories I could get over him. He was like a marble statue, hard like a rock as I moved into him, breathing against his neck. He loved this more than me and in that, I could see that he hated himself for it, refusing to look at me.


" "Let me go," He said, face turned to the side. I loved this suddenly, nuzzling my nose across the warm expanse of his cheek, my hands holding his arms against the brick wall.


" "You have the power, Saiyan God," I smiled, letting my lips for but an instant glide along his flesh. "Make me."


"But he didn't. His jaw became hard in his cheeks, his teeth grit as he allowed me to touch him, to make him even more tense, the small victory I would always have over him. In all his love for his wife, I would forever exist, the one single fascination he held above any other. The beautiful prince, unlike anyone he'd ever known.


"I finally tired of the moment, releasing him and pushing myself back as I stumbled ahead.


" "What do you want?" I sighed, taking another swig of my drink. "A little entertainment while you hide out from the little woman?"
" "I suppose I could ask you the exact same question Vegeta," He replied in a cocky manner, raising an eyebrow to me.


" "I haven't the faintest conception of what you're referring to," I spat, not liking this apparent "secret" he thought he had over me. How did he know? Oh, and it was pretty obvious he knew, that smug look plastered all over his gorgeous features. I growled in frustration, hating how apparently transparent I was. For all the secrets of personality I knew about Kakarot, it pissed me off to no end to realize, he knew a few about me as well.


" "So what's the problem," I finally asked, beginning to walk as he came beside me.


" "A lot of things," he admitted, lowering his head with a sigh. "So many things and then ten times that amount I haven't even thought of yet. The potential end of the world is coming and here I am, the first one to go apparently, without even a good fight. And who will everyone turn to? Who, in the face of madness, will everyone expect to have all the answers?"
"I looked at him, seeing the sadness inside his eyes as he'd never allow anyone else. I liked that he'd come to me, if no other person, that he saved his honesty for me when there wasn't a being otherwise that would ever see his face as he was letting me right now.


" "You're worried that they put too much faith in you," I nodded. "You're afraid that everything will be lost if you don't survive the heartvirus. That all hope is set upon your shoulders and if they fail, no one will keep on fighting."


" "I guess I'm worried about so much," He admitted. "But mostly, I need to understand some things that only you can help me with. That's why I sought you out. Your affairs are your own Vegeta and I don't intend to stand in the way of them all the time."


" "Only when I behave like myself," I snorted. "rather than some pampered, prettyboy human version of what I am."


" "That's what I need to know," He said seriously, ignoring my rudeness as he paused. "I need to know what we are. Who I am. When I transformed into Super Saiyan, things became clear and things became hazy. Something happened to me and I can't understand it anymore. I can't go through my days, as I did before my brother came, in a mess of instincts that collided with who I was taught I should be. It's like," He looked up, needing to confide in me things he'd never voiced and struggling with how. "my whole life I knew perfectly well that I wasn't like any of them. I looked at their world, the pettiness of everything they strived so hard for, and I knew, in a very arrogant way, that I was above them.


" "I also felt this constant charge of evil, welling within me. This incessant need to constantly be fighting or hurting or doing something, even in the charade of justice. Even when the whole world thought that I just wanted to do what was right, I just wanted to be fighting and not have people scold me for it later. Everything I felt, everything I thought was completely wrong to the people around me.


"Vegeta, I ...." He pursed his lips. "I never thought I was normal. I felt evil. I felt evil ALL the time. I guess I still do. It's like there's this lingering creature beneath the skin that constantly prods me to fight, to hurt, to make things bleed. It's this ever driving force that makes me completely bored and ancy when I'm doing anything OTHER than fighting. I can hardly bore my way through daily routines, through moments of intimacy with people.


"Before I met ChiChi.... " He made a disgusted face. "All I did was have sex and fight. And NO ONE ever knew it. No one. I would sneak away from my friends for periods of times when all I would do was find sexual partners. Half the time, I didn't even need to be attracted to them. I just needed a body. I became this empty, hatefilled thing that couldn't be sated. It was like I needed more and more and more and the harder I repressed that, the greater it built. Sex and violence became the same thing to me and I...." He looked away, his footsteps on the ground hard as they slapped the pavement. "I did some awful things before I learned control."


"I looked at him, offering my bottle of booze and watching in humor as he gulped some of it down, wincing from the taste. His soft skin squeezed tight around his eyes as he cringed.


" "What are awful things Kakarot?" I whispered, moving a lock of his hair out of the way of his eyes, making him look at me. "What is evil?"


" "What do you mean?" His eyebrows clenched together.


" "Is evil what you feel is wrong? Or is it what you're beloved humans see as wrong?" I smiled when his face went blank, trying to decipher my riddle. "You've grown as a tiger amongst sheep and have taken on their version of right and wrong. But your nature, as a tiger, is to feed on blood. In the eyes of a lamb, that IS evil but unfortunately, it IS your nature to do so regardless. Evil is just a point of view, a prejudice towards that which you cannot understand nor have the incentive to do so."


"He sighed, continuing to walk.


" "Sometimes," He breathed. "I wish I could see things the way that you do. I wish I could look in a mirror, at my skin that doesn't resemble my wife's, at my eyes that seem too piercing, at my every muscle that grew with or without the need to excersize them, and not be horrified by something inhuman that stares back at me. Othertimes, I think the detachment from anything moral would kill me and I would walk amongst a thousand things and feel no desire to protect them. And for me? That would be emptiness."


" "Perhaps emptiness is better than complete rejection of self." I mused, shrugging my shoulders.


" "That's what I need to talk to you about," He swallowed. "As I said, I've always felt the lingering monster beneath my skin, the dark presence lurking behind every seemingly good deed I've ever done. But it wasn't until I transformed that it entirely took over me. For a split second of the process, I let my sadness and my loss and my desperation cloud everything else. I forgot to love, I forgot to fight for something greater than myself. I just hated so completely that I let the rage do my fighting for me, giving power to the monster in order that he could enact my revenge for me. Like I was a child suddenly, giving all consequences to his friend so that when the time came for them, he could just point to the other and pretend he had nothing to do with it.


" "I gave up and in that, I lost the battle with the real monster," He looked into my eyes. "Me. I wanted to kill everything. I didn't care about anything anymore. About the price of life, about those I loved. I just wanted to destroy everything in my rage, to tear the eyes from my son's sockets, to rape and batter Bulma, to fly to earth in order to kill everything I'd ever had an attachment to, JUST for having stopped me from being so completely happy for so long. And I was. That's the horrible part. I felt no guilt in the utter happiness that the rage gave me.


" "I was so free of everything. Of attachment, of guilt, of care. The only thing I felt was hatred for everyone that had kept me from this bliss for so long. It only lasted a few moments, until the more human side was able to gain control but...." His mouth twisted in thought. "It's still there."
"He touched his fingers over his chest, tracing them along the tight white t-shirt as if in wonderment. I think he was lost for a moment, deep in love and comtemplation of the fury beneath his fingertips.


" "It's waiting," He said finally, shaking his head. "And I cannot fight these bastards if I'm in the process of fighting myself. I need to understand it Vegeta. I need to understand myself. I've wandered around my life long enough in the dark of my true potential. If we are to die," He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "I won't die a mystery to myself."













































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:::::you ever need a job being a boxer::::::