Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Frozen Skin ❯ Confessions ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball/Z/GT or any of its characters. I can't decide whether or not to follow the timeline or make this an A/U fic… *thinks*… A/U it is. There will be a few flashbacks dotted around here and there, and you can identify one by this ==*==

A/N: There will be songs throughout the chapters by various artists, a few of them being Sinead O'Connor, Muse, Seal and Stone Sour; to name but a few. This is a Vegeta/Bulma fanfic, and set shortly after the birth of Trunks (he's about two or three months old). This is intended to be quite a heartbreaking fic, since I'm a sucker for unrequited love stories and forbidden romances! And if my writing skills do prove up to par, you may want to take out the hankies just in case (well in future chapters of course!) OK so here we go!

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Frozen Skin

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Why can I still taste you? Why can I still feel you touching me? Why can I still look into your ebony eyes and see into your soul, a darkened soul you only opened up for me? Why is it that when I imagine you kissing me, I can feel your soft lips upon mine? I convince myself that I imagine such things through lack of sleep, but, even without you here, you and I both know why I feel this way: I'm heartbroken. And at night, when I'm lying alone in my bed, our bed, why can I still envision you lying next to me, holding me protectively in your proud embrace, as if you were determined never to let me go? Why can I still here your voice resounding within my mind? To your enemies, your voice was full of hate and malice, but when you spoke to me, you spoke softly, almost in a whisper, your voice sending shivers up my spine. A small smile would begin to creep upon your face; you knew you could control me, and I never denied to you, or myself, that I loved it.

But I do not love this- the remainder of my life without you which is slowly decaying before my very own eyes. My heart is slowly dying a tragic death without you, and though you would pity my weakness if you could see me right now, I cannot mask this growing sorrow inside me. You would frown if I cried before you, but deep within yourself, you would secretly understand. You would probably disguise your dislike against such weakness with a frown, but still, you wouldn't hesitate to silently comfort me and hold me in your arms. You've felt pain worse than I have in your lifetime, and have suffered more than I have indeed, but now I can imagine this melancholy to be a tiny trace of the concealed pain you've endured. I don't want to feel this anymore.

You would, no doubt, question why the human race depended upon each other, and upheld no pride or honour, but darling, you are not human, and you wouldn't be able to fully understand. But each time you looked at me, kissed me and made love to me, I would try and explain it to you and try to make you see that without love, compassion and the expression of emotions, there would be nothing left but a cold, cruel world. Pride and honour would only turn into ruthlessness and greed. And though you had good intentions to prove your race, the Saiyans, as strong-willed and determined, I couldn't bear to watch the hurt undulate and rise to the surface by reminding you that they were gone. I would never hurt you about your past.

I remember when you and I refused to co-operate, and thinking of it now, all that tension and hatred seemed pointless and petty, especially when we began to discover the hidden attraction we both felt for each other. I clearly remember dismissing my feelings for utter stupidity, but that night when you suddenly grabbed me and kissed me for the very first time, I disregarded any doubts I had about my feelings for you and knew that it was meant to be. And as time went by and our passion grew stronger, I could see past your stone-faced exterior, and experienced the real man behind the mask. You took me to new heights of pleasure that I never thought possible, and made the fire inside me burn even brighter with unbridled desire and exhilaration. I loved the way you would caress me so gently, kissing me and worshipping my body like it was a scared shrine. I never knew a man of such strength and capable brutality could ever touch me in such a feather-light manner, unafraid of showing his skills of pleasing a woman in such tender ways. But we did have our heated moments, when love turned to lust and the passion flared up inside us and our lovemaking became deep and thunderously powerful, and the ecstasy I felt caused me to scream your name over and over again - Vegeta! I wouldn't say how much I loved you afterwards, it had been said physically, and you knew exactly what I felt for you. I could see it shining in your eyes; those endless eyes that I had once thought no soul could be seen in: those beautiful yet sorrowful eyes.

I also remember, very vividly, when I watched you while you were sleeping one morning, and smiled as your eyes slowly opened up and met my gaze. You gave me a faint smile back and sighed, motioning for me to move closer to you. I obliged happily and shuffled across the bed-sheets towards you, feeling content within your warmth. You nuzzled your face into my neck, purring deeply and sexily. We lay there for a few moments until I finally plucked up the courage to speak. And I clearly remember saying to you: "How would you feel about being the father of my child?"

I got no reply for about a minute, but for me, it felt like an eternity. You then propped yourself up and looked at me almost vacantly, your eyes a little more glassy than usual, and replied: "It would do me proud to have a child which would inherit your intelligence and my Saiyan strength."

You gave me no chance to smile at you as you brought your lips down to mine, running your tongue along them, before slowly sliding it past to unite with my own. That was one truly memorable morning. I imagined giving birth to your child, raising it with you, and spending the rest of my life with you, until my dying day. But within that perfect fantasy, I didn't know that wasn't what fate intended.

Now I look down at the precious little angel I cradle in my arms, his beautiful face showing only the purest of innocence, and the goodness of his heart and soul. He looks up at me with his gorgeous blue eyes, and I can't help but be reminded of you. Though he didn't inherit your direct physical attributes, there is so much about him that resembles you: his perseverance, his fighting spirit and his strength. You've been gone far too long sweetheart, and I need you here with me. It pains me to watch our baby smile only at me, and not you too. You could be here with your son, watching him grow day by day, experiencing the pride you said you'd feel from him. You could feel your heart overflow with the joy of being blessed with such a wonderful son. And you could be here with me, embracing me as you once did, sharing the fiery passion that burned so brightly, but instead, I'm here alone with our baby with no knowledge of your whereabouts. How could you do this to me? Wasn't my love enough? You've hurt me passed the point of return with your so-called pride and honour, and now all I can do is stay here and raise our child by myself, and have him as a constant reminder of the selfishness I don't want him to acquire.

For now, my time and affection will be devoted solely to our baby, Trunks, and the memory of you will remain a shadow in my mind, but despite that, I will pray for the day of your return, wherever you may be. I hope to the Heavens above that you will come home to me before Trunks is old enough and fully deserving to know about you, and why you're not here. It certainly won't be easy for me to raise him by myself; to be the only parent there when he turns a year old, or to be the only parent there when he learns to ride a bike, and to be the only one there when he begins his school life. What I still don't understand is why you left, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not exactly sure when you left either. I remember you being there with me when I started to go into labour; you came with me to the hospital, shoving incompetent doctors out of the way in your panic and rage. I was grasping onto your hand, clawing you with my nails as I screamed at the top of my lungs due to the unbelievable pain. You kept on shouting at me, telling me to stop screeching so incessantly, and refused to leave my side until the baby was born. I went through an agonising thirty-six hours of labour, barely getting any rest from the ever increasing contractions. But nothing compared to the sheer torture of finally delivering Trunks. I didn't believe that I could survive the birth, or the pain. The whole experience terrified me into a state of hysteria as I felt Trunks slowly emerge from within me. I remember relief started to flood over me as I heard crying break into the room, and I knew it was finally over. Tears were sliding down my face, still shocked but also ecstatically happy. But I can't recall anything after that. I only remember waking up, looking beside my bed to see our baby sound asleep in his crib; no doctors, no family, no friends, no you. I sat up, very confused and slightly dizzy, and suddenly upset. What had happened? Where was everyone? And where were you? I heard a couple of voices from outside my room and looked at the door, my eyes wide and wild. My heart was pounding, almost deafeningly, as I watched Goku and Chi-Chi enter through the white doors.

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"Where's Vegeta!?" I cried breathlessly to the couple walking up to my bed. Goku's usual cheery smile began to fade and he seemed to be slightly confused too. However, it was Chi-Chi who replied.

"He left three days ago, Bulma. You've been in here for a week." A placid expression spread across Chi-Chi's face, almost instinctively sensing that I would automatically understand. My heart began to race even faster from all this new perplexity, and I felt my eyes well with tears and my cheeks turn alarmingly hot.

"What do you mean I've been in here for a week!? I don't remember anything at all! What the hell's going on??" Goku and Chi-Chi were stood right next to my bed, and Chi-Chi took my hand as she sat down in the leather chair beside my set of drawers. I noticed a vase of flowers had been stood there, and numerous cards were standing on various tables and dressers.

"After Trunks was born, you slipped out of consciousness from exhaustion and shock." Chi-Chi shifted her gaze to Goku momentarily. "We've been visiting you every day to wait until you woke up. Gohan came to see you as well." Goku's smile returned to his face and he chuckled a little.

"He loves Trunks already. He says he can't wait until the little guy can walk and talk." Goku laughed quietly.

"Nearly everyone's been visiting you. Even Piccolo and Mr. Popo came." Chi-Chi broke into a joyous smile for a second, but soon, her face began to darken, and her happy expression quickly diminished. "But Vegeta was finding it hard to be with you whilst you were unconscious. He feared for the worst, but stayed with you since Tuesday. That's when you gave birth to Trunks. He left on Friday, unable to cope with the confines of the hospital, and unable to watch you lie there, almost lifeless. He kept on thinking that you'd never wake up, and frightened himself through paranoia. I think that's why he hasn't come back." I was finding everything so difficult to register; I couldn't believe what on Earth was happening. I couldn't control my tears any longer, and I began to cry. I felt so distressed and helpless. Vegeta had abandoned me.

So many scrambled words were hurtling throughout my head that I could barely comprehend; the intensity and the force of the news I'd just received had brought an impenetrable cloud over me, and I knew it wouldn't be shifting any time soon.

"Didn't- didn't he say if he was coming back or not? Or where he was going?" I spluttered. Nothing could break through the wall of pure confusion that had bricked itself somewhere within my brain: I was literally mortified. I could see a wave of uncertainty wash upon Chi-Chi's face, and I knew there wouldn't be any positive information coming from her.

"I'm sorry to say it Bulma but," A sheet of discomfort and tension was laid upon all of us in the room briefly as Chi-Chi paused. "I don't think Vegeta had any intention of returning." Goku lowered his head and nodded in silent agreement. Chi-Chi tried to force a comforting smile, but even she couldn't muster the strength to make me feel better. I felt my bottom lip tremble and I soon knew what I would be breaking down into tears; I could already feel an unyielding sense of vulnerability and anguish overpower me. It consumed my remaining happiness in a demonic manner; like a vampire, it had sunk its teeth into my neck and was know drinking the life out of me, even more voraciously than before. I could no longer uphold my strong façade, and my iron fortified exterior had now corroded into nothingness from the relentless tears that streamed down my face.

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When I was allowed to leave the hospital a couple of days later, I returned home. My face was pale, my hair was limp, my eyes void of any sign of my soul, and my heart shattered from the bullet that had been shot right through the centre. I felt as if I was dying with a terminal illness, like a cancer of heartbreak was constricting me from the inside, and no matter what I or anyone else could do, there would be no way to cure it. Luckily, I had baby Trunks to bring a small smile to my face every now and then. I would find a bit of contentment from looking after him. I would put him in the cradle next to our bed and sing lullabies to him. As soon as he fell asleep, I'd try and get a bit of rest too. If I was fortunate to drift off, I would be woken up either by Trunks' crying, or by vivid nightmares. Either way, I had many sleepless nights and soon found myself becoming terribly depressed.

Trunks is almost four months old now and is growing rapidly. He loves to play outside on sunny days; he likes picking flowers and giving them to me. We sit outside together and I watch him draw and paint. I've kept all his pieces of artwork, most of them I've put on the fridge door along with photos I've taken of him. He's a real poser and always smiles for the camera. We've been everywhere together; our day on the beach was his favourite. Trunks found a hermit crab and wouldn't stop laughing at it! It was only when I looked over at the little sandcastle he'd created that I realised what he was giggling at: he'd embedded the crab's shell into the top of his creation and its pincers were flailing everywhere. I think he must have thought it would have made a good flag since it moved without the wind.

The last few months have gone so quickly, I think it's because I've had my hands full with Trunks. He's helped me to focus my attention on him, which without you, is my highest priority. But even with him rebuilding the happiness I lost, I know I'll never be whole again unless you come back. My only wish is that you come home to me soon; I miss you.