Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Get a Room ❯ Get a Room ( One-Shot )

Get a Room

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own DBZ or The Vandals. *sigh*

Audra: The creative bug must have crawled up my ass or something because I am back with another quickie! However, there is no actual sex in this one, a first for me, only sexual situations: hence the R rating.

Vegeta: Yeah, the little perv must be sick or something.

Audra: No, it just wouldn't fit with the song. Um why are you here again?

Vegeta: I'm just curious as to how you're planning on embarrassing me this time.

Audra: (smiling very sweetly) Why whatever do you mean?

Vegeta: (rolls eyes) Are you going to start the stupid story or not?

Audra: Of course! Now shut up so they can start reading!

Vegeta: ……

~~~

The smell of food seeping through the ventilation system of Capsule 3 had caught his attention while on push up number 851. Vegeta inhaled deeply, savoring the enticing scent as it seduced his senses, and he suddenly remembered what Bulma's mother had told him yesterday. They were having yet another one of their get-togethers today. Not that he cared. They were always having a party for this or a luncheon for that, and of course, his presence was always requested. Why, he had no idea. He loathed the people that attended the stupid things. Hell, he didn't even like the Briefs, but at least they were tolerable most of the time. There was a good side to all this, though. The blond had told him they were barbequing today, and he did love barbeque.

'Well, maybe this won't be too unbearable. I might beat the crap out of some of the onna's friends while I'm at it.' He smirked at the thought of eating all the sausage he could after pounding some weaklings into the dirt. His stomach growled rather impatiently after all the thoughts of food, so he decided to end his session for now. Vegeta turned off the gravity simulator and grabbed a towel before walking back to the house. Little did he know that his uncharacteristically pleasant mood would soon do a 180.

He casually strolled into the kitchen, unnoticed by its occupants, as he wiped the sweat off his face and neck. He froze when he looked up at the humans in front of him. The blond woman appeared to be mixing up a large bowl of the stuff called potato salad, well trying to anyway. Dr. Briefs was behind her, kissing her neck and exposed shoulders. His hands were on her hips, pulling her back against him as she giggled. Obviously neither knew he was there.

Vegeta stared in absolute horror, all logic gone from his brain. Of all the potential scenarios to walk in on, this was by far the least likely and had never once crossed his mind as a possibility. Although the woman flirted openly with all living males and was constantly embarrassing her blue-haired daughter with her naughty insinuations, he assumed the couple was too old to have such urges, being weak humans and all. As his wits were regained, he swiftly fled the kitchen, his appetite long since lost, and went upstairs to shower.

Congratulations, you're in love

The lonely nights are gone

But now you're makin' us all sick

The way you're carryin' on

Vegeta hopped in the shower and proceeded to vigorously scrub himself. He shuddered as the image of Bulma's parents would not leave his head. 'Damn humans. They hadn't even noticed when I walked in on them. They should keep that shit in the bedroom!' He took his time with the shower in hopes that when he returned to the kitchen a certain two people would no longer be there.

His hunger got the best of him not much later, so he got out and went to get dressed. He was about to put on some the 'normal' clothes Bulma had bought for him, when he decided against it. 'Why bother? I'm going back to the GR the minute I'm done eating anyway.' He threw on a pair of training shorts and some shoes before going back downstairs. On the way down, his smiled returned. 'I hope some of the idiots are here already. I'm in the mood for a fight.'

As he walked past the living room, however, all happy thoughts were once again displaced. There on the sofa were Bulma and her stupid boyfriend, Yamcha. They were entwined in a passionate embrace, mouths locked and hands intimately exploring each other. Slurping and smacking sounds could actually be heard! It was a very grotesque sight, and unfortunately it was one the Saiyajin prince was quite used to. The only time he ever saw the two together, they were either fighting or all over each other.

Put your tongue in your mouth

Get your hands off her ass

It's an embarrassing public display

Have you no sense of shame?

Well, being Vegeta, he couldn't pass up an opportunity such as this, even if it meant having to endure the sight for a moment. He was itching to harass someone, and they were the perfect game. He crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat. They never even heard it. He cleared his throat again, still nothing. Yamcha's hand slipped under her shirt, and Vegeta lost all patience. He had to do something quick before this progressed any further.

He went back into the kitchen that was thankfully empty this time. He grabbed a large pitcher and grinned evilly as he filled it with cold water. Upon returning to the living room, he dumped the water on the two sex-crazed humans. They were quickly broken from their lust-filled trance and jumped up shrieking at the assault of cold water. The Saiyajin no Ouji burst into a fit of laughter at their reaction and was only able to remain standing by holding onto the back of the couch. The two finally regained their composure and sent hateful glares at the houseguest.

"Vegeta, what the hell is your problem??!!" a very irritated Bulma screamed. It took a few moments before he could get his amusement under control enough to answer her.

"Well, the way to two were carrying on like you were in heat, I figured you needed to cool off a bit." His mood suddenly became serious again. "Do you really think anyone else wants to see you two fucking? You do have a bedroom." Bulma's jaw dropped.

"We were doing no such thing," she countered. He couldn't believe she would deny it.

"What the hell? Are you saying that I'm blind and stupid? I know what I saw woman!"

"You saw two people being affectionate you jackass! There was no fucking involved!" Vegeta snorted a quick 'whatever' and walked out the back door, leaving a very wet, bewildered couple.

Oh, get a room. We'll all pitch in

If you'll go away!

"I can't believe her! That was clearly foreplay. Just because they might find privacy to complete the act…Ugh I'll never understand the people on this stupid planet!" he complained to himself as he walked over to the massive brick barbeque pit where Dr. Briefs was flipping the steaks. "How long 'til we eat?"

"Not too much longer, 30 minutes or so," he answered as he adjusted his glasses. The whole time he was there, Vegeta stared at Kitty who was perched on the scientist's shoulder. The black cat didn't like the menacing glare it was receiving and hissed at the alien. He bared his teeth at the small feline before walking over to sit under the closest tree.

He began to meditate in an attempt to keep his anger under control and block out the rest of the idiots he was surrounded by. He was able to cut himself off from the rest of the world for only a short while because the guests started arriving. His eyes snapped open when he sensed his greatest rival nearby.

Vegeta watched the younger Saiyajin exit the house accompanied by his psychotic wife. The two were apparently helping set up stuff on the picnics tables. Goku dug his finger in one of the bowls of food for a quick taste, when Chi Chi smacked him in the back of the head as she yelled at him. Vegeta couldn't hear all of the scolding, but he did make out her calling him rude. He then mumbled something Vegeta assumed was an apology before pulling her into his arms and capturing her mouth in an enthusiastic kiss. The prince rolled his eyes. 'Them too?' Chi Chi reluctantly let her husband go so she could finish helping. When she turned to walk off, Goku gave her rear a squeeze, and she responded with a playful punch to his shoulder.

A string of spit connects your mouths

I'm trying hard not to look

And all the endless baby talk

Is going to make me puke

Vegeta finally decided to make his presence known in hopes that all the foolishness would cease. 'The bakas wouldn't act like that if they knew others could see them,' he concluded. He stood up and walked toward the picnic tables where the newly arrived guests were beginning to congregate. He took his usual spot, a comfortable distance away from everyone yet still close enough for his attendance to be recognized. He leaned against the side of the dome-shaped house and closed his eyes as the warm sun helped relax him a little. He sensed he had company.

"Kakarotto." He opened his eyes to find a beer bottle in front of his face. He shrugged and grabbed it. "What do you want?"

"Just seeing how things are goin'. How's the training?" he asked as he took a pull from his beer. Vegeta just narrowed his eyes at the question. "You and Bulma getting along?"

"Now why the hell would you ask something like that? I'm not here to make friends, Kakarotto. I'm here to train," he growled. Goku shrugged and downed the remainder of his beer. Just then laughter caught the attention of the two Saiyajin. They looked over in the direction of the noise and saw Launch and Tenshinhan. She was stroking his flushed cheek and saying indecipherable things in a cutesy, high-pitched voice. "I think I'm going to be sick," Vegeta said. Goku ignored that statement.

"They just got back together the other day," he said nonchalantly.

"Like I give a shit. For once today, I would just like to not be forced to witness the repulsive mating habits of this stupid planet."

I don't care who's the biggest schmoopyhead

I'm hearing you talk and I wish I was dead

Oh baby! Oh honey! Oh pumpkin! Oh schnookums! Oh baby!

It was then that Bulma and Yamcha emerged from the house sporting dry clothes. She shot an angry look at Vegeta before going to talk to her father.

"Goku!" Chi Chi called from the other side of the yard, waving her hands for him to come to her. The taller Saiyajin pushed himself off the side of the house to go see what she needed.

"See ya later, Vegeta."

"Can't wait," he mumbled as he watched Goku walk over to his wife and put him arm around her as she was talking to him. He scanned over the yard quickly and was horrified when he noticed that everyone was hanging all over somebody else. Yamcha had sat in one of the lawn chairs and pulled Bulma sideways into his lap. One hand was resting on her upper thigh and the other was rubbing her lower back as she was running her hands through his hair. Vegeta then turned to 3 eyes and his companion. She was sitting on the edge of one of the picnic tables, and the mutated human was standing between her legs. His hands were on her hips as they kissed passionately not giving a damn who saw them. Vegeta cringed as he realized the failure of his plan. 'These people don't care if they're seen or not. My presence is not going to stop them from groping each other.'

His sight drifted back to his fellow Saiyajin and his annoying mate. She had her arms around his neck, and his arms were around her waist as the two just looked at each other and kissed softly a couple of times between bouts of conversation. Vegeta shut his eyes and turned his head in the opposite direction. Surely when he opened them again there would be something better to focus on. No such luck today. His brain was greeted with the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Briefs for the second time that day. He was still cooking the food with her standing next to him. She was facing him, rubbing her chest all over his arm and giggling like a little girl. "Oh holy Vegetasei!"

Oh get a room! I'll pay for it

If you'll go away. Go away.

Vegeta stormed off to his sanctuary, the gravity room, to wait it out until the food was ready. Of course he'd be lucky to be able to eat after all the nasty, disgusting scenes he had witnessed today. 'This is insane! Did someone spike the punch or something? I wouldn't put it past the turtle man or even the porker. Speaking of the old pervert, what the hell is he doing near the GR?'

Roshi was standing next to the spaceship on his tiptoes so he could peek through the small window portal. He was giggling rather loudly, either not caring about everyone else or completely forgetting about them. Just then the old man turned his head to the side as the crimson spray of a nose bleed shot into the air. Grabbing a handkerchief from his pocket, he cleaned himself off as he turned back to the window. 'What the hell? He's obviously watching something to be acting like that, but who the hell would be in my GR?!'

Vegeta strode over to Capsule 3 and growled a warning to Roshi who swiftly retreated to the other side of the yard. He opened the door, not prepared for what he was about to find. Everyone at the picnic turned toward the angered cry of the prince.

"You?! What the fuck are you doing in here??!!"

There on the floor of Vegeta's most sacred place was the purple-haired boy from the future and some girl. Who knows who she was, and Vegeta didn't care. The two had been getting down to business in his hiding place from the rest of the horny bastards, damn it! The mortified girl, clad only in her undergarments, was hastily throwing her clothes back on. The only show of modesty the boy displayed though was the hint of a blush. He casually stood up to greet his unknowing father, shirtless and not attempting to hide the bulge in his pants.

"Hi Vegeta-san."

Well, a person can only take so much, even a Saiyajin prince. He didn't care that the 17 year old could turn Super Saiyajin and he couldn't yet. He wanted to beat the living shit out of him for first of all, mocking him with his presence and secondly, being in his refuge. The only people ever allowed to enter his training room were Bulma and her father and that was only to make any necessary repairs or upgrades. Vegeta was about to launch an attack on the younger male when he noticed that the boy's erection had yet to subside. His anger slowly drained out of him and was replaced by general uneasiness. 'That's just disturbing. Does it really not bother him to be seen in that state? Has he no self control?'

"Ugh, I'm surrounded by low class bakas!" he exclaimed as he shot up into the air. He had to get out of there, away from all of them. He didn't care where he went, anywhere else would suffice.

Bring it down a notch or two

You're gathering a crowd

And I can tell from over here

You're visibly aroused

"I think I may destroy the planet after all," he said to himself during his flight. The loud protest of his stomach only added to his rage. "I should have grabbed some food before I left, cooked or not!" He wasn't going back to Capsule Corp. just yet, so Vegeta flew slowly over the city in search of a restaurant. When he spotted a diner that appeared suitable, he swiftly landed in the street in front of it. Ignoring the stares and whispers around him, the prince went inside and sat down in a booth as far away from everyone else as possible.

He put his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands. "What a fucking day," he groaned.

"That bad, huh?" a female voice responded. He looked up to see the waitress smiling at him as she placed a menu in front of him. "What can I get you to drink, sugar?" He was about to snap at her for the endearment, but let it slide being too hungry to bother.

"Water," he said as his gaze fell upon her name tag that said, 'Lucy.'

"Alright. I'll be back in a sec to take your order," she said with a wink as she left to get his drink. 'The entire human species is nothing more than a bunch of hormone-driven pests,' he concluded. It was then that, to his surprise, he saw Krillin enter the diner with a woman. She had long blue hair and was wearing a very small dress. 'Weird. I never thought I'd see Baldy with a woman.'

The waitress returned with his water and took his order with only a little questioning as to whether or not she heard him correctly. It's not everyday that someone orders that much food. To his utter dismay, she informed him that it would take a while to prepare that much food, but that she'd bring plates out as they were ready.

Once Lucy left to tend to the other customers, his gaze shifted back to Krillin and his date. They had claimed a booth not too far from him, and it appeared that the two had not noticed him since they were obviously occupied. Had he not been so grossed out by yet another public display, he would have wondered why they were here and not at Bulma's little party. The woman was sitting next to Krillin, almost on top of him, whispering things in his ear that caused his face to turn as red as a tomato. The index finger of one hand was drawing circles on his bald head, while the destination of the other hand was obstructed by the table. "At least I got that benefit," Vegeta said under his breath.

He tried to block them out, he really did. But with both of them giggling, his superior Saiyajin control was slipping, slowly giving in to the urge to blast them to oblivion. His hand was twitching, begging to summon his ki and destroy all the pathetic weaklings that dared to disgrace themselves in his presence. Luckily Lucy returned with 4 plates of food just as he was about to give in to his destructive tendencies. He emptied the plates in record time and decided the snack would be enough to hold him over. He chanced one last glance at the couple who was now heavily making out, oblivious to everyone else around them. He shuddered as he left the diner, not paying for what he had already eaten.

Don't dry hump in restaurants

It's unsanitary and rude

Now it's dinner and a show

But I just wanted food

The Saiyajin no Ouji sighed as he walked down the sidewalk away from the diner. He didn't really want to go back home yet, but where else was he going to go? He could always go to some uninhabited part of the planet and blow shit up, but even that offered little comfort for some reason he couldn't fathom. All he wanted to do was lock himself in the gravity room and ignore the fact that he was stuck on Earth.

"The gravity room." He cringed at the thought that the intruders might have gone back to their previous intentions once he left. 'Ugh, they probably contaminated the place.' Yes, he would definitely have one of the Briefs' cleaning bots go over the GR before he set foot inside it again.

Vegeta didn't know what made him do it, but for some reason, he looked over toward the street and wished he hadn't. Inside a hover car that was stopped at the red light, two teenagers were lip-locked. 'Why me?' the alien prince wondered. Something was different about this couple, though. He couldn't quite place what it was, but there was something about the boy. After a few seconds, he figured out that his ki was familiar, but why? He sure as hell didn't know any teenagers. His eyes widened in shock when he realized whose ki it was.

"There's no way. He's what 8 or 9 years old maybe. That can't be him." He studied the imposter of his rival's brat as best he could considering that the boy was busy at the moment. The girl's low pigtails were obscuring his face, but when they separated momentarily, he saw the face. He looked like an older version of Gohan! But how was that possible?

His trance was broken by the sound of car horns blaring. The light had turned green, but the horny couple hadn't noticed; hell, they hadn't even disentangled yet! Vegeta turned to continue walking as his mind tried to sort out what he had just witnessed. 'Obviously the stress of today has made me delusional. There's no way that was him! It was just a coincidence that he looked like him, and I misread his ki. Perhaps the real Gohan is nearby,' he reasoned.

Well, you're having that heated session

In the busiest intersection

Knock it off now

The light is green

The prince continued his snail's pace trip back to Capsule Corporation as he tried to forget all the disturbing images that would clearly plague his mind for some time to come. 'What the hell is wrong with everyone? Have they no sense of decency? Privacy? Do they have no concern for those around them?' he wondered not realizing the irony of his last question.

When he looked up at the sky, he noticed that it was now night. 'What the hell? I haven't been gone that long!'

"Hey baby, how about a good time?" Vegeta's eyes narrowed on the woman who had the audacity to ask him such a thing, and kept walking. He passed by a bench where a couple was sitting. The woman was straddling the man's lap as her tongue was visibly exploring his mouth. He shuddered and looked away, but everywhere his eyes fell, there were people in some sort of intimate embrace. Two men were walking in front of him, and one had his hand on the other's ass. There were random couples making out on the sidewalk, next to buildings, on park benches. He even saw a couple on top of a washing machine as he passed the laundry mat.

"God damn it! What the hell is wrong with everyone??!!" he screamed as he unconsciously powered up. He levitated up into the air and gathered his ki. "To hell with this fucking planet!" As the spherical ball of glowing energy grew, Vegeta began laughing maniacally. "I've been dormant far too long." His eyes gleamed as the inner demon was unleashed one final time. He didn't even regret that he would not be able to escape the planet. The ball was almost ready, and it radiated a bright orange causing it to light up the darkened city. Of course no one even noticed; they were too engrossed in their activities. He hurled the giant blast toward the earth where it impacted with one of the busiest parts of the unsuspecting city. It quickly penetrated the crust and made its way into the core of the planet. There was a bright flash of light that was followed seconds later by a powerful wave of energy.

Oh get a room. We'll all pitch in

If you'll go away. Go away.

Go away. Go away.

Vegeta awoke with a start. He glanced around, completely disoriented, as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. He was on the couch in the dark living room; the only light in the room was coming from the TV. 'Oh hell, that was a dream?' The sound of the front door opening then caught his attention. He heard the clumsy shuffling of feet, the door slam, and then a thud. Curiosity got the best of him as he decided to get up and check it out. To his utter dismay, it was Bulma and Yamcha. They had barely made it inside the house before he pressed her against the wall quite provocatively. Her leg had wrapped around his, and her hands were traveling quickly over his body. Their shoes and jackets had already been discarded to the floor, and it appeared that the two might not make it upstairs before even more articles of clothing were removed.

This was the last straw. First there was that horrific dream, no fucking nightmare would be more accurate, and now this. Vegeta's fists clenched as his anger rose. His ki was rising, his veins began bulging beneath the skin, and his teeth were grinding. The aggravation became too much, and he let out a blood curdling roar as a burst of energy erupted from him, damaging everything within several feet of him.

Oh my god! Oh my god!

Knock it off!

The Saiyajin no Ouji grabbed Yamcha by the back of the collar and hurled him through the front door. The wood shattered and splintered under the impact leaving a gaping hole. The surprised human bounced a couple of times before skidding across the lawn. His journey quickly ended when he collided with his car and was rendered unconscious.

"What the hell did do that for?!" an angry Bulma demanded. Vegeta ripped his angered gaze from the man outside to glare at the blue-haired woman next to him.

"Why? Are you serious? You really have no idea why I would be pissed to walk in on you two practically having sex at the front door?" he snarled at her with a level of rage she had never witnessed from him. She backed up slowly, eyes wide, as an uncomfortable feeling settled in her stomach. Everything about him at that point was feral, and she truly believed that if he would ever be able to hurt her, now would be it.

"It is bad enough that you and that weakling act as if you are permanently stuck together or something, always putting on a show for anyone to see. I've ignored it as long as I could, but I swear if I have to see any more of that lovey-dovey, touchy-feely bullshit, I..I don't know what I'll do," he yelled as his anger was slowly coming under control. He saw the fear in her eyes and surprisingly took no pleasure in that.

"Ugh, goddamn dream," he mumbled softly as he turned away from her and ran his hand through his wild spikes. Bulma blinked once, then twice, and her jaw dropped.

"This is about a dream?" she asked in disbelief. He didn't answer; he just kept his back to her as he paced nervously trying to figure out how to save his pride this time. To add insult to injury, Bulma busted out laughing, no she was crying she was laughing so hard. Vegeta's fury possessed him once again as he grabbed her by the shoulders and roughly pinned her against the wall.

"There is nothing funny about this, woman!" Bulma was stunned by his actions but not really frightened. She was still just barely able to contain her laughter as his grip on her was becoming slightly painful.

"Vegeta, think about it for a second. You're losing your temper over a silly dream." He growled at the comment but loosened his grip on her somewhat. "I mean what could've happened to upset you so badly? You had to sit around and watch all the Z fighters make out or something?" Although she had finally controlled her laughter, the amusement in her voice was still apparent. His eyes narrowed for a moment before he finally released her.

"I'm sorry we offended you, but surely you don't believe all displays of affection are so bad." He just stared at her emotionlessly as he tried to figure out her intentions. She walked up to him and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. He noticeably stiffened but did not attempt to escape her.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Vegeta," she whispered in his ear before pulling back and slapping him as hard as she could on the same cheek. Had he not been in complete shock over the kiss, he would have seen the slap coming, but he was so he didn't. His widened eyes quickly narrowed at the strange woman in front of him.

"That was for breaking my door, knocking out my date, and scaring the shit out of me." With that she went outside to check on her boyfriend. Vegeta was left standing in the foyer completely confused by her actions as usual as he touched his cheek.

"I will never understand humans," he complained shaking his head as he walked off in the direction of his training room.

O_o Can we say stress management classes? I think so.

Okay people, this is my first songfic to post so please, please review. I need to know if it's good, bad, completely retarded…well probably. It's my second one to write. The first one is still in the development phase. It's a beautiful song, but I'm having problems with it. It's a drama fic, and I've said many times that I'm just not very good at being serious.