Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Goten's Tale ❯ Book 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Goten's Tale Journal #1

August 21- Well, today is my 19th birthday and out of all the gifts this stupid journal is the worst. A stupid journal! I don't need a journal. I guess I'm just using it for today to express my outrage.

August 23- Maybe I'll being using this more then I know. I had three tests today and I'm sure I failed my science one. I guess I won't tell mom. I didn't even have time to eat lunch today with studying and all.

August 30- Life is hell. I got dumped today. I spilt some coffee on Paris' shirt and she got all bitchy to me and yeah. Since it's Friday, I'm going to a party tonight hopefully I'll have some fun there.

August 31- I have a huge headache. From the half of the party I can remember it was pretty fun. I hung out with Trunks for hours sitting by the bar having a few drinks. I never relieved how hot he is. His blue eyes pierced into the depths of my soul, they are truly amazing and his lavender locks can truly take your breath away, but he would never like me. Great… now I'm depressed over something I have no control over, I'm going to go and watch some TV or something before I have to go to into work. Ugh… a 6 hour shift….

September 1- It's almost Monday, exactly 2 hours and 19 minutes till its Monday. 2 hours till I have to face Trunks at school. I saw him on the street today… I turned around and headed the other way… oh god I must've been blushing so much. He must hate me if he saw me… I hope he didn't.

September 2- I avoided Trunks all day but he caught me once. I skipped math class and I spent my lunch in the library studying… well, that's what I told everyone that saw me. He saw me at my locker but I quickly shut it and walked off, he didn't even try fallowing me or anything. He must think that I hate him... if only I could tell him.

September 3- Nothing new today. Had a test but thanks to all that studying I did yesterday, I'm sure I aced it. Trunks wasn't at school today, I hope he's not to sick or something. He tried to phone me but I didn't answer, maybe I should've, something important might have happened. I guess I'm gonna try to phone him back.

September 4- Thank God. At lunch Trunks found me in the library. He asked me why I had been avoiding him and I why I phoned to hang up on him yesterday. I was going to say I wasn't but then the bell rang, thank you dear lord. I told him I'd talk to him later. How long will I have to keep this up for?

September 6- I saw Trunks today and I thought I was ready to talk to him, but when I walked up to him he turned his back on me and walked away. Now I've lost my best friend and possibly the only one I could truly love, that would suck so badly. Now he hates me? What am I suppose to do? Try to apologize and have him turn his should on me again? …at least I have the weekend to try to make things up with him. God, I hope I can fix everything with him.

September 9(morning)- Yesterday, I was standing outside of Trunks' house. I had bought him a bouquet of long stem roses, but then I remembered he's straight. I didn't know what to do with the flowers, I did pay around fifty bucks on them. I was worried about it though so I ended up throwing them away and before taking off. I guess I'm going to try to talk to him today at lunch.

September 9(evening)- Ugh… first 6 hours of school then 4 hours sitting behind a counter at Burger King… what does a guy have to do to make easy money and have an education? Well, finally I talked to Trunks, he's pissed at me but on the bright side, I made him a deal. He agreed to go out on Friday for a few drinks and anyone that buys him a drink, is his newest friend or in my case, forgiven. I thought my face was crimson as I listened to him speak and now my past thoughts of him being straight… well I can't be sure anymore. I listened to him bragging about how a secret admirer was leaving him roses outside of his front door. I wish I had the courage just to tell him that I had put them there. I think I might need to talk to someone, maybe Gohan would understand, he was always there for me growing up.

September 13(morning)- Last night I had this amazing dream. It was about what could happen tonight. I remember I sitting at the bar with Trunks just talking about this shit and that shit when I felt his leg slowly rub up against mine. I can't remember what we were saying but he as he spoke to me I started to fall deeper in love with him. I could feel his hand rubbing my inner thigh just inches from my groin and slowly he leaned in and kissed me. He pulled me into his lap and from what I remember our lips didn't break apart for even a second. One of his hands gently rubbed over my back as the other one slowly made its way towards my groin. As his touch reached its destination, I woke up. I think I'm actually gonna try making a move on him but if he rejects me... I dunno what I will do.

September 13 (Afternoon)- I've packed my bags just encase he does push me back and if he does then I'm running out of there grabbing my bags and going to Tokyo. Let's go and see how things will turn out.

September 13/14 (midnight)- He pushed me away… I'm sitting in the back of the bus right now. It won't take me far but at least I will have no one to tell me that I screwed up. When the bus stops, I'll hike up the road about to 2 miles and catch a bus to get to Tokyo, I can find a job there…. I didn't bring many items among my things I have a new cell phone, some clothes, my wallet with my pay check in it, my alarm cloak with batteries in it, a watch, a picture of Trunks and my precious journal and to think, I once hated it. I can't believe I tried to kiss him… God! I have ruined my fucking life. I'm going to get a few hours of sleep before they reach my stop.

September 16- I'm in Tokyo now, it's not as good as I thought it would be. I found a place to rent. It is in a boarding house but no one else but the owner and me are living here. She's charging me 200 a month and that includes breakfast and dinner but there is now washing machines in the house and I have to cover lunch myself. I phoned Gohan and told him I have left for a while. He promised me that he wouldn't let mom go searching for me and tell everyone else that I don't want to be found. I also told him to say bye to everyone for me and I told him to tell Trunks that I'm so sorry. After I hung up, I plopped down on the dusty old bed and started to write about it. Tomorrow I'll try to find a decent job, I hope I can find somewhere that will heir a college drop-out… I'm not the smartest you know. At least life can't get any worse.

September 18- I've been looking for the last two days but still I am jobless and really tired. I think I had six or seven interviews but they are all blurred together now. I think the best reaction was from a small fast food place telling me that I was the best they had seen this week. I think I'm going to take a bath and then go to bed.

September 20- I have been away from home for a week now and I'm starting to miss it but things are finally something looks up. I got a job! I woke up this morning to the boarding house's phone ringing and it was the small fast food restaurant telling me I got the job! I only make $6.30 an hour for now but still it's money. Now I have money buy my own food instead of eating the gross boarding house meals. I start on Monday and I work from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.. Without the tax deductions I will be making $63.00 on my first day. I think I'm going to look for another job in the mean time, one that pays a bit more and has less work. That will be a miracle come true if I can ever get a job like that.

(?!?)- I think it is Sunday but I'm not sure… ugh… to hung over. I'm planning to go to the store tomorrow to pick up my uniform and if this is Sunday, I'll just stay there for the day. Anyways… I'm going back to sleep.

September 23- I just got back from my first day of work… it wasn't so bad actually. I was working as a cashier today. There's a nice guy that works there with me, his name is Jay, he reminds me a lot of Gohan. Well, he took me out for lunch. I love his hair but I don't think he dyes it. It's bright blue and matches his eyes so well. He may not look a lot like Gohan, but he sure does have the attitude of him. He works at the drive-through window and he left home when he was around my age. I told him all about Trunks and he said I shouldn't have left but I couldn't look at Trunks without having the heartbreak pain over and over again. He knows that I prefer men and he doesn't care, he kind of makes me think that he's gay too. He reminds me of Gohan so much though. Well since I work tomorrow, I'm going to take a shower eat before going to bed. See ya. Did I just say bye? Damn, I'm starting to loss my mind now.

September 24- Today I toke Jay out to lunch, he's such a sweet guy. Although I told him that this was payback for Monday he still tried to pay for everything. We were about 5 minutes late getting back but Sarah, our boss, didn't really care. She's really melo. I'm really happy that Jay and me both got the day off tomorrow. He asked me if I wanted to do something. He is really shy, maybe that's why he doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. Wish me luck!

September 25- Damnit! I curse that so called lord to the fucking pits of hell. Today Jay and me were walking around and guess whom we saw. Out of the billions of people on this planet we saw the one that I never wanted to see again, Trunks. He saw us and started to run over but as soon as I relieved that he had seen us, I grabbed Jay's hand and we bolted through the people on the sidewalk. Jay is here right now because to tell you the truth, I'm a bit scared that Trunks will find me and drag me home. He said that Trunks would find me but in the little chance he does, we could leave this place. He actually offered to come with me. I told him that Trunks was A LOT strong then he looked but all he did was laugh at the comment, what was he hiding? He reminds of my brother so much and at time he treats me like a younger brother. I'm a bit nervous about tonight, there's only one bed in my room and I don't think Janet, my landlord, would let him stay in another room. Well, I think I have neglected my guest for long enough, bye.

September 26(morning)- Good morning my dear friend. Last night I remember falling to sleep with some distance between Jay and myself and when I woke up his arms were wrapped around me. His eyes were wide open and he was staring at me as if he was asking permission. I wouldn't push him away, he was so warm and handsome, he was just perfect. As our eyes meet, he pulled me deeper into his embrace and I wrapped my arms around his muscular shoulders. We must've been laying there for 15 minutes before I let go of him and went down stairs to get us something to eat.. Right now we are eating on my bed but he's trying to distract me by rubbing his leg up mine but I can easily ignore that, I fought back looking at Trunk when he was naked, why would he distract me? I think this is the first time I am smiling, without faking it, since my birthday. It almost seems like all my troubles have slipped away.

September 26(Evening)- Right now I'm at Jay's house… he works the same job as me, how can he afford this? He lives in an apartment but it has like 7 different rooms. There's even a guest room but I'm probably just going to sleep in Jay's room hopefully, he's so warm. I hope that Trunks didn't tell my mother that he saw me here, he can't be that heartless… can he? I hope not. Have a good night I know I will.

September 27(morning)- It's Friday today and I'm sitting in bed with Jay. I'm really excited! Since Jay and me are off again, he's going to take me to the movies. I really like him. He doesn't really remind me of Gohan anymore though; he really doesn't remind me of anyone. He's so hot! His muscular stomach, his ice blue eyes, his soft blue hair and his gorgeous smile, he's perfect! He has his arms around me and he's glancing at what I'm writing. I really don't mind with him because this is mostly about him and has nothing to do with what I will not name. He has such a magnetic personality when he lets people in, I wonder why he's single. Every morning he says good morning and he's always smiling that perfect smile. I'm going to close you for now because we'll be head off to the movies soon, bye!

September 28(Evening)- We just got back from the movies and I feel as if I'm dreaming but the only thing weird about it is that Trunks isn't in it. After all the years I spent obsessing over him, he vanishes out of my mind as I start to fall in love with this man. Well you are probably wondering why I'm so excited. Well Jay said that we would have the best view from the back of the room so I agreed to sit there. At the beginning of the movie, he seemed so shy and kept blushing each time I caught him starring at me. As time passed on, I leaned onto him and he seemed to jump before he put his arm around me and pulled me into the warm of his body. I remember lifting my head before his lips pressed on mine and after that I don't remember my lips leaving his. It filled my body with a dieing ecstasy… you know who some people say they are high on life? Well I was. Although he seemed shy in the movies, he wasn't in the car. He was like a totally different person; it wasn't the one that I feel in love with but another person, one that I love as much. He put his arm around me and pulled me into a kiss. His hand slowly ran over my back and his fingers wrapped around the bottom of it. As he started to pull it off but stopped. It was so sweet hot he asked me, "Goten, I love you, I have loved you since the minute I saw you. I don't want this to happen in a car, if it happens I want to wake up to see your face beside me. I guess this is my pathetic attempt at asking you to movie in with me". I was speechless, I knew the words I wanted to say but they wouldn't come out, so I kissed him and gripped his hand in mine as I smiled at him. He drove me to my apartment and I got back my deposit. Right now as I'm writing this, I'm waiting for Jay to get out of the shower, it's a bit amusing listening to him sing though, I think he has forgotten about me already. I don't think that I have been this happy in a long time, I even conned Jay into getting a photo or us and now I have two pictures to carry with me. Both will be sure to go in my wallet but before I cover another two or three page, I will go, after all the water stopped a few minutes ago, goodbye my oh so dear friend.

September 29- How can something fill your mind with joy but fill your heart with pain. Well, let's start with the good news, I got my first check today and now the bad news, I'm packing to leave. Don't think that Jay and me had a fight or anything, it's just that Trunks and my father were at my work today the only thing good about that was that I was on break when they came. As I turned the corner to go back to the cash register, Jay grabbed me and warned me. I was so scared about getting caught that I almost started to cry, I was even more worried that they would hear me as I spoke to Jay. We were able to get our paychecks and Sarah said it was no problem, she'll just say she fired us. I asked her to give a note saying that I'm safe and from them not to look for me because I don't want to be found to my father. When I told her that I was leaving town I swear I saw a tear forming in her eye but I told her not to worry and that we'd meet again. I gave her my cell number and told her to phone me some time but not to early in the morning and not to late at night, she knows I love my sleep. I was really surprise when Jay said that he was going with me. I know he said he would but I didn't think he would give up everything for me I'm nothing special. Her only reply to him was "I always thought you were gay". I couldn't believe it, I thought my dad and Trunk would've heard my laughing but they didn't. After many goodbyes and hugs, we left through the back door and left. As I turned back for one last look at the restaurant my dad stood there looking towards the car. I didn't know what he was looking at because the windows were tinted and he hadn't saw us get in the car but it seemed like it was serious. Jay told me to bring only what I have to, I only have a suitcase, you and my wallet I need it all. I guess my next post will be in a whole new place, get ready to listen to me bitching again, bye.

September 29/ 30- We're parked on the side of the highway for the night. Jay wanted to keep going but I can see him starting to fall asleep and I don't want anything to happen to him, I know I could survive but I also know that he couldn't. Well, we are planning to pass through the next few towns and stop when we see a smaller one with stores we might be able to get jobs at. I know it may be pathetic to say but over the last few weeks, Jay has been the only thing that has kept me going, if it wasn't for him I would have probably given up today but he has brightened up my days. I'm glad there is something that I haven't ruined in my life. I need to get some sleep, well probably need to leave earlier in the morning and I don't want to sleep in another vehicle, sleeping on the bus made me feel a bit sick when I woke up. Goodbye.

October 2- We found a small town earlier today, I guess around noonish and we found a medium sized apartment for $800 a month. Jay says that it's not a bad price but I still think that we should take the smaller one but then again I would probably do get quite annoying. We had to convinced the landlords to let us move in right away though, I think we had them at we are homeless and the car isn't to comfy. Well, right now, our place is pretty empty; we have a bed frame, a stove a fridge and… wait that's it. Our neighbour said that we could buy his TV because for $25 because he is moving and he's only doing one trip because he is moving to a few hours away. Tomorrow we are going to check out the second hand stores and maybe go to the mall and some blankets, a bed frame and maybe a radio so Jay doesn't have to sing songs from memory. It's entertaining and all but he sings so off beat it's not funny. Hopefully by Friday we'll be looking for jobs. I guess that's all for tonight, have a good night.

October 3- We just got home and we found quite a few good things; we bought a bed frame, a couch, a TV stand, a radio, a kitchen table and some chairs and we only spent around 150 dollars, it would've been cheaper but we bought a new radio from the mall. Even though it wasn't on the agenda, I dragged Jay into a photo booth on the way home and we got new pictures. I got to pick my favourite two and Jay got the others. I guess I choose mine because they are more fun, in one of them, I'm sitting in Jay's lap and in the other I'm kissing him. I don't mean like a five second peck I mean like a passionate, what did you say, kind of kiss, it was great. I found out something new about Jay and I kind of like it. He has two piercings, his tongue and his right nipple. He said he got his tongue pierced about a year ago and his nipple when he was 16. It felt a bit odd at first but now it feels I like something that I have never experienced before. Jay sent one of his pictures of us to his mother, don't get me wrong or anything, it was an innocent picture, he has his arm around me and that's it. He just wanted to show her what he looks like now and what I look like because I'm dating him. He said one day I'd have to go and meet them. I hope they don't get mad at him or anything. Right now I'm sitting in Jay's lap and he's whispering how we should get some sleep because tomorrow will be a long day. So I guess I shall say goodbye. I don't know if he's doing this to make fun of me or respect me but he says bye… I think it was to make fun of me…. Until tomorrow.

October 4- Jay and me both got jobs at this small antique shop and we are getting paid $7.50 an hour and working four days a week. We got our TV today and it works great and everything, I don't understand why he didn't want more for it, kind of odd. Oh my god, you will never believe what I found out. Jay is half saiya-jin. He didn't know at first what a saiya-jin was but described his father being an alien that looked human and blessed him with incredible strength. He said he never met his father but his mother had told him when he was around my age that she was raped by a man with black hair that stuck out all over and wore a strange type of armour. If you ask me it sounds like Vegeta or one of the evil saiya-jins that came down to Earth just to destroy it… I don't think I'll tell him that. I also saw Jay power up… he's stronger then me and I see what my father was looking at. He must've let his power level show but I probably didn't notice because I was to busy worrying about getting caught. Maybe when everything calms down and I'm sure my father and Trunks aren't looking for me, Jay could help me train, get me stronger. Well, I guess I shouldn't worry about him getting hurt; I guess he should be worried about me. I hope one day I can bring him to meet my family. I think he would really like them. Well I'm going to go to bed, it's been a long and odd day. Bye my dear friend.

October 5- I called Gohan and he's going to come down! He knows about Jay and he said that he would be happy to meet Jay. He's coming tomorrow! I'm so excited! I hope they get along well. Our job doesn't start till Monday and we picked our uniforms up in the morning. They look really stupid though. They are white dress shirt with a flower on both arms, a pair of blue pants and a pretty stupid hat. Right now I'm lying across the couch with my head resting on Jay's lap, he's my snuggle pup. I'm going to go and maybe take a walk to calm down a little. See ya!

October 6- I guess you can call me somewhat happy. Today Gohan came down with a surprise guest, Trunks. I can't believe the look I saw on Trunks' face when he first saw Jay. I felt my heart break apart again. I know there is nothing between me and Trunks but for the longest time he was my best friend and I would never wanna see him like that again, it looked like he was going to cry… he deserves it. He talked with me for a while and he said that he's not mad and was never, that helps me a lot now. He told me I should come home because he missed me. I'm thinking about going back but a part of me is holding me back and if I do, will Jay actually come with me or would he want to stay here? I know if I go home I can get Jay into my college program next year, he's smart enough. Well, when Trunks and Gohan were here we decided to go to a movie and to a small restaurant. It was fun but it was painful to see Trunks face each time Jay would touch me. When Jay jokingly smacked my butt, I felt Trunks' power level rocket up. Throughout the meal I kept feeling a leg rub up mine, I don't know who it was but I really don't want to ask Jay if it was him because he might be a little angry if it wasn't, I think he's protective over me. I know Gohan and Jay were getting along great but Jay and Trunks kept getting in arguments and their stare could kill someone if they stepped between them. I think their arguments were really over me even though they were arguing over the movie and the restaurant and things like that, but at the end of each one, they tried to make me decide and I let Gohan decide so I didn't have to choose between my best friend and my boyfriend. Wow, do I really consider Trunk my best friend? I guess that proves that I am truly as pathetic as I thought I was. Well, I think that's all for today. Until tomorrow.

October 7- Hey, this isn't Goten for once and I know I'm probably gonna get yelled at for this but it's Jay. Since my little prince is fast asleep I going to tell you about today. Well, um… ya… I can't really think because with that amazing, nearly naked body beside me on the bed, it just screams for my touch. Well… um… today was our first day at the antique shop and we got yelled at because we were doing "inappropriate things" during working hours, I think it's because our boss is homophobic and can't stand seeing two guys even kiss… it was kind of funny. Umm… I'm a bit shy about what to write, I don't know if Goten will get mad or not…. I love him more then I thought I could. I think this If Goten decides to go back I want to go with him; I would go with him to the farthest reaches of this planet. I don't really like that Trunks guy he was acting with a spooled brat that always gets his way. I am a bit disappointed about the restaurant thing because it wasn't me I thought that Goten would have at least asked me about it. I'm guess I should stop writing because my words have almost filled up a full page and this is Goten's, not mine. This is where I say bye right? Well then, I'll bid you farewell.

October 8(morning)- Good morning dear friend. I read what Jay wrote and yelled at him for a while before kissing him and telling him I love him. I still don't know if I want to go back, if I did all my friends and family would be angry with me for just disappearing. Also I think I would have to stop Jay from killing Trunks and that might not be the most easiest thing to do. I love Jay more then he knows and each day is like a new adventure. We don't work today so we are going to rent a few movies, it's cheaper then going to the movies, and spend a day at home. I guess I'll say goodbye now.

October 8(Evening)- This is Jay again. I'm just writing to say we have been talk and we have decided if things don't start looking up by the beginning of November that we will be moving back to Goten's hometown. I'm going to introduce him to my mom and my half sister at the end of this week; I hope they'll like him. I sort of miss them, especially Kayla, she's only 11 but she's pretty cool. She has the same kind of eyes as me but she has black hair with the ends dyed bright purple. I found out that Goten can also go super saiya-jin and to think, I didn't even know what a saiya-jin was three days ago and now I find out I can go super saiya-jin? Maybe it was my destiny to meet that god. Goten just came out from the living room so I'm saying bye before he it's me again. I know he may think he loves me more but everyone that looks at us should know that I love him then he could ever think.

October 8/9- I lost my virginity. I don't know what to think. It was good but I thought it would be so much better but then again I hear that everyone's first time sucks. Jay just came up to me and kissed me. When I pushed him backwards, he pulled me onto the couch. I wasn't sure but as his warm fingers slipped my shirt off, my doubts disappeared. His hands massaged over my chest as I worked at getting his shirt off. I was the first to get his pants off but right after he overpowered me again and ripped off my pants. He held me down on my back and ripped my boxers off before removing his own. The pleasure of him inside me was amazing and I wish it could've lasted forever. Neither of us had ever done it before but it was pleasurable… maybe a bit painful at the beginning but it was still the best experience that has ever happened to me. I'm going to go and join Jay in his shower. Later times.

October 10- Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday but nothing really happened. We asked for Saturday off and got it then we headed over to Jay's mother house, we are actually sitting in his old room, it's has choo-choos. I guess he was right about his younger sister, she is pretty cool but she did get annoying pretty fast. I really liked his mom, she was really nice, kind of reminded me of my own mom. Well, I'm going to go to bed now because we have to get up in the morning because I'm taking Jay to meet my mom and dad tomorrow. I hope get likes them and I hope my mom doesn't yell at him or me. Have a good night.

October 11(morning)- Well, we are in the car on the way to meet my parents. I have told Jay not to get my mom mad and not to think too much of either of my parents. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone. I'll write more on our way back. See ya.

October 11/12- I'm heading home with Jay and I don't really ever want to move back to the same town with that sadistic bastard. I can't believe what he did to me. I was having a good time and Trunks tells me he needs to talk to me privately for a few minutes. We went into his room because we had to go to his house for dinner and he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and stared at him for a little while. All I can remember saying was "I'm with Jay now and I'm happy" but now I'm not so sure anymore. Now I'm confused… damnit! Trunks, I fucking hate you! I wish I had told Jay what he did so he would have kicked his ass. Well, I'm happy because all my family and friends seem to like Jay, even Piccolo and Vegeta and they seem to hate everyone. I'm not sure but I think this was the first time I have ever seen Vegeta asked someone to spar with him and got a answer of no, it was pretty amazing to see his face when that happened. He started to yell about how he was the prince of saiya-jins and all the Jay did was laugh and tell him that almost all them are dead so he can't be a very good ruler. It was so funny. Well, after about two hours Jay, my dad and me went to have a quick spar. I hate that bastard! Trunks can burn in hell! Well, we just got home so when we go up, I'm going to lay down with Jay and I think I might tell him what happened… I'm just not sure. Well, goodbye my dearest of all friends.

October 12- We just got home from work and I feel like shit. I don't understand why but Jay is mad at me because I told him what happened. He thinks I should have told him when we were there but if I had then he would've attacked Trunks and he would have had everyone on him trying to kill him and that wouldn't be the smartest idea. We might be going back up there tomorrow so Jay can have a word with that bastard, Trunks. I don't know what to do anymore. Wish me luck, bye.

October 13- I'm sitting on the couch beside Gohan. I don't know why but I can't help but cry right now. Jay went home without me and I'm so scared to think that he is gone forever. I'm not going to give up on what I love but I'm worried it will give up on me. My dad has already agree to take me back in the morning through instant transmission, hopefully by then the tears will have stopped. He's mad at me because I stopped him from hitting Trunks, he knows that I still think about Trunks as my best friend and he is mad? I know he knows because he has read through the pages of you and I wrote that I still thought of him as my best friend and if I could I wouldn't have stopped him. When he left I punched Trunks to the ground myself. It didn't do as much damage but I got my revenge instead of letting Jay have it. I hate him! Maybe I'll phone Jay and Peter, my boss, and tell them I'm staying here a night, but will Jay even care? Goodbye my only true friend.

October 13/14- Oh my god! I'm disgusted with myself! What have I done?!? I can't believe it! I love Jay not Trunks… don't I? Well, you're probably wondering what I'm going on about so let me tell you. I umm… I was lonely… I missed Jay… and umm… Trunks was the only one around. I'll try to write it in full sentences for once. I was sleeping on Trunks' couch and I was a bit lonely. I stood up and walked over to Bulma's door but was no answer to my knock and when I thought about Vegeta yelling at me, I decided to go back to the couch. I don't know why but I started to cry on the arm of it before I felt a hand rubbed over my back and Trunks' sweet voice apologizing ever so softly. I turned around and jumped into his arms, I never wanted to leave them to tell you the truth. He wrapped his arms around me and I… me… myself… I kissed him. He kissed me back. I don't know what crossed through our veins but we gripped at each other and eventually managed to get each other's clothes off. He lifted me up and brought me into his room and to put it in lame man terms… we fucked. I don't know why but it was better then with Jay… maybe because Trunks was my first love. Maybe I was just using Jay to get Trunks jealous… but I still want to be by Jay's side. I just woke up about 15 minutes ago to his hands tracing over my chest. I know it makes me seem like a total asshole but I jumped up and ran out the door. I have my clothes and I'm now sitting on his lawn with tears slowly dripping out of my eyes on to your pages. I can't face Jay now and I can't face Trunks now. Damnit! I messed up my life so much! I'm going to go home to my house around noon tomorrow grab my bags and run away from Jay for a while. I will phone Trunks and him and talk to them sometimes because I love them both… I think. I'm going to Gohan's house and spend the rest of the night there. Goodbye my only friend.

October 14(morning)- My dearest friend. I'm sitting on the couch at Gohan's house. He asked why I left Trunks' house but I couldn't tell him but I knew I had to. I think he understands though, I hope at least. I would give my soul to remove last night from history but it would break my heart too. Now I've fucked myself over again, I'm in love with two different guys who don't even like each other and I have no home. Can things get any worse? Well, I'm going to start to head towards my dad's house I guess. Bye now.

October 14(evening)- Dad brought me home and Jay was waiting for me. I kissed him and told him how sorry I was and that I was going to go away for a while to think. He made me promise that I would visit him once a week and I do attend to keep it. I'll miss him a lot and I will come back when I make my decision on whom I really love, why is love always so confusing. I'm on a bus again and I'm talking to Jay, he's saying that he already misses me and that he loves me. I'll phone Trunks a little later see what he says. I love Jay's sweet personality but I love how Trunks' courageous soul. Does either of them really love me? I could ask them but they would just say yes. I don't know why I have to love. Is life always this difficult? Well I'm going to talk to Jay for a little while then go to sleep and talk to Trunks when I wake up. Goodbye my only friend.

October 15(morning)- I had a nightmare but I think it has helped me make my discussion. In my dream I was sitting with Jay's arms tightly wrapped around me when Trunks came in with his jealousy burning in the depth of his eyes. Jay and him got into a fight for me but when I stopped them they tried to make me choose but I couldn't. I wouldn't let go of either one so they both left me. I think I know whom I really love now but I'm not sure. I'll tell you later my thoughts because I'm going to phone Trunks now to see if my feelings are right. Later.

October 15(Afternoon)- I'm still talking to Trunks. His first sentence was that he missed me. I didn't know what to say… I felt like time had stopped so I said the first thing that fell into my mind "ditto". I'm so stupid! I told Jay I missed him and I loved him and all that I could tell Trunks was ditto? I ran away from both of them and now I can't even talk to one and tell him what I feel? I want him to wrap his arms around me and make me feel like everything is ok before I have to make my choice, but at the same time I wouldn't mind if it was Jay either. Damn! The choice is too hard! I can't choice! I made love with Trunks and Jay and they both felt great… well good at least. Maybe I should let them have each other… they would probably kill each other though. Tomorrow I'm going to visit Trunks and on Wednesday I'll visit Jay. I think I'll be sleeping at some bus stop tonight. I am truly pathetic…. Goodbye.

October 15(evening)- I'm not sleeping at a bus stop. I'm on a bus that will take me about two blocks from Gohan's house in about two hours, so I'll sleep there and go to Trunks' house in the morning… or maybe I'll go to Trunks' now and Gohan's in the morning…. Goodbye for now.

October 15/16- I just got off the bus and I'm in the bus stop writing a goodbye because I just noticed I'm on your last page. I'm going to get a new book and carry you around everywhere, but you won't know what's going on in my life. Goodbye dear, dear friend. Thanks for listening to me bitch about my life. Goodbye.