Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ I Can Be Cruel ❯ I Can Be Cruel ( One-Shot )

Title: I Can Be Cruel

Chapter: N/A One Shot

Author: Veresti

Genre/s/: Angst, a little romance, although not much really

A/N: Well, this is a very A/U fic. I don't know what else to say. Perhaps you'll like it, perhaps you won't. Either way, oh well. Kinomi, I tried to fix it to better explain what you thought needed more clarification, but I didn't really know what to put. So I hope what I have is okay.

Dedications: Kinomi, My Soul Family

THE START

"I can be cruel," she admitted. "I don't know why."

"Marron-" he began.

She turned away from him as she interrupted him, to look out the window. "Maybe it's because of all the bad things that have happened to me. The pain I felt because of all the bad turns life threw at me. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of all the good that happens to other people when it never happens to me. I used to look at all the happy people and hate them desperately. It was if I was on the outside looking in."

Her expression fell into one that was almost pity inspiring, but it quickly fell away. "It was like I could see it, but never touch it. I somehow knew that if I even tried to reach out to touch it, it would shatter within my hands. But somehow I didn't really care. I wanted it so badly that I reached out and touched it anyway and usually it did break.

I destroyed more things than I ever created. I never made another person happy, I never stopped to wonder why they did the things that they did to me. All I knew was that it hurt. It hurt like getting stabbed over and over again, pain pounding through every cell of my body down to my inner core. My mouth opens in a grotesque fashion, as if in the midst of a scream. Only there was no sound emitted from me. Just a silent cry so to speak," she said in a bitterly ironic tone of voice.

"A cry for help, a cry for understanding, I don't know," she admitted. "Either way I was pleading for something. I just didn't quite know what yet. I'm still not sure if I know what I want. I'm like a child unsure of what it wants more, the candy or the toy. I've always been that way though. The girl who couldn't choose between a shower and a bath, I was so indecisive about petty things like that. It was the big decisions that I should have thought more about that I jumped head long into."

She turned back to face him. "And usually I was running right into open fire. Such a stupid child," she muttered to herself. "Such a stupid and petty child. Someone who couldn't even understand much less appreciate the finer emotions in life. I only knew a few emotions and steadfastly refused to part with the more base and unappealing ones or learn the better ones." She moved away from the window listlessly, as if she was slightly frightened of what was out there. Like it was some frighteningly beautiful sight that left a chill running down her spine.

"Maybe it's because I never felt very sure of myself although people told me I was beautiful. I always felt it was a lie when they said it to me, like everything else was, just another cruel joke to play on me. Fate had always so loved to torment me. Just as it placed something wonderful in front of me, it snatched it out of my reach," she said, gesturing with her hands something being taken from her before she even had a chance to touch it.

She smirked up at him. "Did you know that I could never accept a compliment graciously? I always felt like there was some hidden catch to it. My mother's love always had a condition to it too. Either things were done her way, or they weren't done at all. The same applied when it came to emotions. If I didn't love her the way she wanted me to, she would punish me by talking any affection she placed upon me away."

She glanced up at him with sorrowful baby blue eyes. "All I ever wanted was love with no strings attached. I've never had it before. But then again, I could never even recognize it because I had never felt it before. I vaguely remember my father when he was alive saying that he loved me forever no matter what. I wonder what he would think of me today. Even more so I wonder what he would think of what I have become.

Do you think he would be ashamed?" she wondered out loud as she picked up the frame with her father's picture in it. "Or perhaps he would just be saddened by it. Saddened by me selling my dreams for the highest bid and pretending to be something I'm not. A mask that deceives so many… but there is one thing I can't do. I can't lie to myself.

Everyday I have to look into that goddamn mirror at myself, at what I've become," she snarled, unintentionally clenching her fists. "And I despise it. I can't even stomach passing a mirror anymore because it sickens me to even glance at my own reflection. I see the truth when I look into the mirror; I see what I really am deep down inside. An ugly creature so caught up in herself that she can't even be bothered to take a look around and see the good.

And there is so much good around me, I know that now. But now it's too late. I can't do anything about it anymore to save myself. I am now eternally cursed. I don't have to wonder where I'll go when I die. I know where I'll go, straight into the bowels of hell. No angels will await me when I cross over, only flights of devils will wing me to my final place. I can't say resting place because I don't believe that I'll be able to rest. I'm doomed to suffer the rest of eternity because of the wrongs that I've done," she said with a haunted expression upon her face. He reached out to touch her, but she pushed his hand away.

"Don't touch me," she snarled in an agitated manner, pacing about like a lion caught in a cage. "I'm sorry," she whispered suddenly, her whole demeanor changing. "Do you know that I've loved you most of all? That you're the closest thing to true happiness that I've ever had before?" she asked gently, grasping his chin with her fingers.

'He's like all the others. He loves me now, but what about later when he wants something from me. Love with no strings attached… no such thing exists. And yet- every time I see his face, I want to believe that it does so badly. I want to believe that he loves me with no strings attached when I know he doesn't. I love him like I have loved no one in my entire life…This only makes me more sure than ever that I am about to do the right thing…' she thought.

"Marron, I know baby. I know what you mean-" he began, but yet again she silenced him. She released him and walked away from him towards the kitchen counter.

"Forget about it now. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to do the only unselfish act that I'll ever perform the rest of my life. I'm going to make sure that I don't hurt the last thing I hold dear," she vowed. Before he knew what was happening, she pulled an object out from the drawer and hid it behind her back as she whirled around to face him.

He regarded her curiously, wondering what she was up to. "Marron, what on earth are you rambling on about?" he asked with a defeated sigh. Marron merely smiled at him a bit cynically in response.

"There is a stack of letters in our room on the dresser. Be a real doll and be sure to get them out, will you?" she asked, completely avoiding his question.

He frowned slightly. "Sure thing, but what on earth does that have to do with anything?"

"Goodbye… I love you Yamucha," she said before pulling the object out from behind her. The cold glint of steel flashed before his eyes as she raised a common handgun up to her head. He watched in mute horror as she pulled the trigger, not quite believing that this was actually happening. His ears rang as the gun went of with a loud bang.

THE END