Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Icebox ❯ 03 ( Chapter 3 )

Yeah, that's right. It was my idea.

 

We finally shook off Nappa—bastard thinks I like him or something—and while he was spacing off we found the solution.

 

See, when run-of-the-mill sinners come through to Hell, they put `em through this washer. (I s'pose it can't handle us big boys.) Cleanses the soul or whatever, so they can be reborn and all that bullshit.

 

And I mean cleanse in the most literal way. Scrubbing, bleaching, the works.

 

My crazy father decided to check it out. Went up real close (after shoving around some of the useless guards they put there) and took a peek.

 

Had another of his goddamn “visions.”

 

Head fell against the machine.

 

Hair got sucked into the machine.

 

Woke up and pulled himself out.

 

Hair came out this disgusting yellow-white.

 

Right about then I noticed his resemblance to my goddamn brother. You'd think I'd say it the other way around, huh? Naw. `Cause now he was the one with the bright yellow hair. I pointed this out to him. Said, “Better not let Freeza see you!”

 

He got this grin real quick but I thought of it first…I just don't grin about stupid things like that. I told him, wait, strike that and reverse. Let Freeza see him like that. It'd be fun. Scare that bastard.

 

Never even thanked me for my brilliance.

 

 

…

 

 

Needed a couple more finishing touches for the job, of course. Now, that sonuvvabitch Nappa showed back up, but why bother to tell him what happened? Just told him we needed to know what Namek looked like. He says he knows a guy.

 

How does such a brainless lug always seem to know a guy?

 

But whatever. Runs off looking all proud of himself. Father and I think about hiding again—it almost worked the last time—but figure the longer it takes him to find us, the longer it'll be before we can enact my plan. (In retrospect, no idea why the hell we even thought Nappa actually did know someone who could help.)

 

Does he bring back this guy with him to tell us about Namek?

 

Nope. Moron comes skipping back with a goddamn crayon drawing. You'd think he got this stupid all by himself, but don't think Vegeta didn't help. For god's sake, even with their minds combined they were too dim-witted to wish me back to life like I thought they would. Nappa always skirts around the topic; probably too embarrassed by his sheer stupidity to talk about it. (Usually try to avoid talking to the cretin, anyhow.)

 

 

…

 

 

Now, we had t' do a few more things back closer to where we usually hang out. Word gets around that father's hair's all white, but we try to hush it, y'know—for maximum effect.

 

Not too pleased, by the way, about the fact that this worked only because my turncoat brother “succeeded” (again, no, not true) where the both of us failed. But it was such a brilliant plan; I couldn't not suggest it. Father jumped right on, what with his whole obsession with seeing Freeza suffer, anyway. (Doesn't shut up about it. On our way back, thought he was making some fucking philosophical point about some shit about parallels between…something…Freeza's rule…I stopped paying attention.)

 

Anyway, a prank on Freeza is a prank on Freeza. Who could resist?

 

 

…

 

 

My plan involved a few finishing touches, as I said. We had to know what Namek looked like and got that done real quick. But we needed a couple other things. Now…the guys up above like to try to educate us on how it don't pay off to be bad…so we heard the whole fucking story of Kakarrot's fight against Freeza, slide show and all, in a bound-and-shackled “rehabilitation meeting.” (For those who they could manage to tie up, at least…I didn't bother fighting it, not worth the trouble, though of course I could've gotten out of it.) So everyone's pretty familiar with the story `round here.

 

Here's the great thing. We had a bald guy right there at our disposal, and from what I know there was one o' them there when Kakarrot fought Freeza, triggered that fucking magical moment or whatever. I only had to arrange a few more things before it was perfect. Father's hair would have been just fine for the plan, but then he and Nappa had to go and fuck with it. Am I the only one who can do anything right? They're just lucky I got there in time.