Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ In'lar-Anth - Through Darkest Destiny ❯ Prologue ( Prologue )

In'lar-anth - Through Darkest Destiny

Authors: Rogue & DarkSerapha

Email: rogue_raven_13@yahoo.com & DarkSerapha@gmx.de

Archive: Yes, but ask first

Rating: Strict NC-17. You kids have been warned.

This is YAOI! Male x male intimacy (oh boy is there going to be intimacy...). To put it plain: Lots of hot monkey sex. If you don't like it, go away and flame your own behind!

Overall warnings (appropriate warnings will be given at beginning of chapter if necessary):

A/U, OOC, lemon, lime, rape, angst, violence, NCS, cussing, gore, blood, dark, death, SM, angst, epic, fluff, sap, angst

Pairing: G x V, V x G

Disclaimer: We solemnly swear we are up to no good! Therefore we own neither Dragonball Z nor all the songs used in here or else the world would be a far darke... angsti... eh… better place. No money is being made with this. Damn.

'…' = thoughts

~An epic intro from Dark Serapha and Rogue~

Dark Serapha: See? I told you we'd do it someday! *puts hands on hips and looks proud*

There! The prologue is done! The seed is planted!

Rogue: Ah....yes....planted.... *looks over the barren wasteland of fandom* .........um....... where did you put it again???

Dark Serapha: Oh come on, it's not that bad. This is going to be one hell of a bean sprout. Should we tell them the truth? What do you think?

Rogue: I think that we have created a monster and I am just waiting for it to destroy us all... but until then at least we will enjoy the fruits. Big juicy blood fruits... with just a tang of lemon... well… maybe more than just a tang... *smirk*

Dark Serapha: *snickers* Maybe we should introduce ourselves first.

Rogue: Oh! Good idea! *waves tail in anticipation and grins* Your ever faithful Rogue here. Pulled from cyber hibernation to manage *this* masterpiece. And I *do* say masterpiece. You just prove me wrong! Along with my beloved angel.

Dark Serapha: And I'm yours truly half fallen angel, forced to wander the realms of the living till the day of the final judgement. No wonder I resolved to writing fanfiction. It helps shortening the wait…

By the way, you do realize that posting this will probably take UNTIL judgement day, don't you?

Rogue: *hangs head* It probably will... *glares at angel* Considering what a masochist you are! But I will enjoy every minute of it till then, so to Judgment Day! And may it never come!!

*raises a glass in toast*

Dark Serapha: Hah! If I am a masochist you are a sadist… oh wait... you are… Heh, I just found a new warning. *sighs* Do you think people will like the style we did this in? It's pretty unique.

Rogue: I'm sure they will adapt. Once it gets into their system they won't be able to complain. *rubs hands together* I am looking forward to all the yaoi junkies that will be begging on our proverbial street corner soon.

Dark Serapha: *looks thoughtfully* Hmm.. don't be too forward. Maybe they think this whole thing is crap. It's pretty different from your usual Goku&Vegeta-spar-and-suddenly-realize-that-they-are-in-love-and-then-sc rew-each-other-senseless-fictions. Not that those can't be rewarding too. And we certainly do feature the senseless-part.

Rogue: I would never deny my sadistic streak. We all must be good at *something*. *smirk*

O.o Gah!! You can't cheapen this by comparing it to Saiyajin screwing like rodents! Vegy has pride you know! .....Hm.... Perhaps you could be right.... It might be too sophisticated for their usual tastes. *blinks* Wait.... What am I saying? Part of it came from me..... I'm sure they will be able to catch on just fine. And YES! The senseless part should be enough to lure in even the decent writers like CV. *snicker* Anyway... What new warning did you find?

Dark Serapha: Sado-masochism. What else? Didn't you see the nice listing up there? It fits in pretty good. I think we have just about every warning there is.

Rogue: *looks up at the header* Hooboy!! ....and well deserved too.

*stands straight and proud* We worked hard to make sure that it filled out the rating as solidly as possible.

Dark Serapha: So should we tell them who did whom or shall we let them guess?

Rogue: *grins ear to ear* Oh....I don't know....shall we have them guess? I would like to see how many are acquainted with our writing styles.*eyes the readers* But then again... I'm sure they are not reading for the style. Shall we tell? We could have a poll..... Collect betting slips on who is who. We could make a fortune!

Dark Serapha: It's easy anyway. My English is much worse than yours. And we did share many persona.

Rogue: *sweatdrops* Yeah right... You spell better than *I* do! That's why they will have trouble telling the difference. *shrugs* I'm sure most of them have no money anyway. Oh well. We might as well tell. At least the main characters... and the most important. Namely yours truly... Me!!

Dark Serapha: Hahahha... okay then. I own Son Goku and Rogue here owns Vegeta. She is just such an adorable bastardly ouji! That is the only constant though. Most of the other persons we did share as the occasion arose. You might have fun still guessing who is who.

Rogue: *smirks prideful* I'm a right bastard at times. It's so refreshing! The rest...well...a little bit of every emotion... but being bastardly and sadistic is by far the most fun! I never knew I was capable of such cruelty until my fallen angel drew it out of me.

Dark Serapha: *smirks* My solemn goal in life, to push you to new heights. But you unmasked the worst in me too, my lovely arrogant prince. *sighs* Anyway. I think we bored our readers enough with our silly talk and nasty hints. Let's feed them the prologue and see what they have to say to that.

The story starts of a bit slow but it will get better soon. Also I might add that IF we get enough reviews we can update pretty fast since most of it already exists. It depends on you, dear readers..

*smirks and folds arms*

Rogue: Ha! I'm sure they skipped this part hoping to get to some much loved yaoi. But like all good things... You have to wait for it!! *crosses arms* I refuse to update until I get at least a satisfactory amount of reviews!!!! Absolutely not! Beg heathens!!! *growl*

Dark Serapha: Don't listen to my impatient ouji here. He's just acting gruff… *sigh* So much in character already... *snicker* That said, on to the story, ne?

Rogue: Hn. Yes. On with the story. And review!

Dark Serapha: Yeah. Or else...!

Rogue: *smirk* That's my angel.

In'lar-anth - Through Darkest Destiny

0. Prologue

Son Goku

Birdsong is all around me and I blink once, twice, as I gaze up into the early morning sky. It's light blue and almost transparent, as if I could see through to the universe beyond. Of course I cannot. It's just my imagination. Sometimes I wish I could just go into outer space, loose myself between the stars. It would be nice to float on forever weightlessly, watching suns die and new planets be born. Maybe I will do it one day.

But not today.

I sigh and deeply inhale the fresh morning air. A soft breeze tousles my wild spikes. I close my eyes and let myself drift away, standing here up on this cliff, looking down over the mountains and forests that have been my home for so long. I do this every morning. Every morning since Chichi left me. I've done it before but now it's a habit I cannot seem to break. I still can't believe she's gone and will not come back. So death might be the least permanent thing around us, but she refused to be revived. We have faced death a hundred times and she has died before. She said she's tired. That it is my turn to wait for her like she did all these years. Maybe she is right. I did make her wait and I never gave her what she wanted. I was never the husband she craved. I was too.. carefree, she said, but that is not true. I have always cared, I have always worried, I've just not shown it. Why make others carry a burden that I can carry for them?

So, I guess it's all my fault. She does not want to come back and I can understand it. My sons both have their own lives. Goten is living in Satan City, studying at the college with his best friend. I rarely see him. He's stopped training with me. Maybe I've grown boring for him. He does, however, still train with Trunks.

Vegeta told me that one day. I suppose I should be grateful that my son has such a good friend. Gohan is happily married to Videl. Pan is the joy of my days. But I rarely ever see her. Her parents are too busy to visit me, Videl is a famous artist known for her expressionistic and wild style and Gohan is a lawyer, protecting the innocent like he calls it, just like he does as that Great Saiyaman or however he calls himself, only on a different level. Pan is still too small to visit me on her own. So I guess one could say I am lonely. Most of my friends have gone their own ways and some I have not seen for years. We usually meet about once a year at Master Roshi's though. But even that has decreased throughout the years.

I train a lot these days. I have nothing better to do. Well that is not entirely true. I've also found some other stuff to do, I'm reading books from time to time - I find it strangely fascinating to dive into a whole different world. Vegeta would probably call me a dreamer or more likely a weak third class baka if he knew.

Vegeta. He's been acting more and more cold towards me lately. It seems as if he wants to keep his distance. Of course he always has. Our sparring has neither in- nor decreased in its intensity and quantity, but something is amiss. I've always looked forward to our meetings, for some time it was my only solace. I think he's holding back. Sometimes I catch him with that smouldering look in his eyes, when he stares as me and it is as if his loathing has not been altered one iota since the day we met. I thought we were friends… There was a time, in between, when I thought he had finally changed his attitude towards me, that we could be closer now. We almost were… but then something happened, what I don't know and he retreated and shut down completely and it has been worse ever since. It hurts me. More than I would like to acknowledge. Even more than the loneliness or the useless continuation of my days, now that earth seems to be somewhat safe. That is of course good, but... what shall become of me? There seems to be nothing left...

I inhale one last time and briefly close my eyes before opening them again and smirking. Enough of the dark thoughts. Today we scheduled another sparring match and maybe it will be different this time. Maybe. I can only so much as hope.

I jumped down from the cliff and caught myself mid-fall, taking off to the sky and leaving a bright trail of ki behind.

I can only hope.

Vegeta

It's times like these that I hate everything so much.

I sweated heavily as I fought an invisible foe, my body twisting and turning in mid air, the speed and sharpness of my movements creating a wind of their own that only served to cool me off in brief glimpses of relief. Kami, it was so hot! My face set in a dark scowl. Why the hell did I ever let myself settle in on such a hot mud ball of a planet? Anywhere would be better than this. But I said that every year... It never changed. Stuck. I was stuck. I growled as I charged my ki and pushed myself harder. Too fucking hot! But moving was better than staying still. The adrenaline that flowed through my veins pushed me onward to do whatever I could, any action at all. I had not even started yet. The day had hardly begun and I already knew that it would be a bad one. I had one thing on my mind. Slip into my routine. Set into it and go until I could no longer keep it up and then sleep. That was all I wanted. My mood turned more and more foul though and I was growing tired of this. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't give in and relax.

No salvation for the damned.

I forced my mind to move on to other things. Concentrating so hard didn't help. I wondered when that boy of mine would get his tail in gear. With Bulma gone he had gained everything and was already well on his way to taking the woman's place here in Capsule Corp. And that whelp of Kakarott's. Not at all what I would choose but it would happen eventually. At least he was strong. I seldom saw any of the others but that was just as I wanted it. The one spawn was enough. I growled.

Surrounded! Perhaps I should just leave this planet once and for all. It couldn't possibly be this hot in space. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't leave. My thoughts turned to my rival. Still here. Still the same. Perhaps not... but in essence he was. He still drove me to furious distraction. His only purpose in existence anymore seemed to be to make me conscious of all the shit I didn't want. Bah! If I ever managed to surpass him it would be different... I derailed that train of thought. No. That only made things worse. Bastard.

I tried to push back the frustrated dark annoyance but it stayed no matter what. A bad day. Why did all my bad days have to circle around *him*? Living on this planet with him all these years should have been punishment enough. I increased the intensity of my workout. Just forget it. I had given up surpassing him by now. Now I just pushed for that peace that always seemed to be just out of reach. Just out of reach. Damn it! Weak! So fucking weak! I couldn't stand it but that didn't change anything. Nothing ever changed.

I was held in a loop, a cycle that would forever haunt me. Forever direct my path. Forever chain me down. My life? What a joke. Such a great joke. I smirked at the bitter taste in my mouth. That never changed either. Change. Ever so often it would cross my mind that things might change...but I could not let them. No change. At least as they were I knew what the cycle was. I knew what was what. It was a rut but it was a safe rut. No. It could not change. The irony burned me. I would not change it if I could. Solitary. Closed. Safe. I came to a conclusion. The same one that I always came to. I liked things as they were.

Reaching this decision I again focused my energy and my training spiralled deeper and harder as I continued to push myself even more.

Son Goku

The great dome-shaped building came into view quickly and I slowed down. My feet touched the ground with a soft thud and then I was standing, looking up to the well known structure. I could already sense him. He was in the gravity room, as always. I swear, if I did not know better I'd say he lives there these days. Whatever has gotten into him, it seems to get worse. He trains like a maniac. I wonder if it is still that old grudge and the yearning to be stronger than me. He still has not surpassed level two. It makes him go crazy. He just does not understand what it takes to do it... and what it costs you...

I enter the building, the ki-scanner identifying me without problems. Clever Bulma. It was one of her last inventions, based upon the saiyan scouter we've collected all those years ago from Radditz. I quickly avert that trail of thought. Thinking of my long lost brother always makes me feel uneasy. I still feel as if I should have been able to save earth without killing him...

I wonder if one day I can meet him again in the afterlife and make up with him. It's not very likely though…

Anyways, the little device beeps and the door slides open. I step inside and wander the well known paths, passing the kitchen. Maybe I'll go for a snack later. Bulma once told me to take whatever I like knowing my insatiable appetite and this has not changed after her death. I can see Trunks nowhere but I know he's around, probably working for the company he inherited. He is not yet taking the job on his own, he is still learning - but one day he will be president, and a good one I might add.

Finally I arrive at the gravity room. The light is flashing red, indicating that the generators are in full mode. Another ki-scanner detects my presence and makes the door to the entry-chamber slide open. I step inside. The screen is activated and I can see a blur moving inside. I narrow my eyes and focus and am able to follow Vegeta's movements after a moment. I can see his determination and sigh. It seems to be one of THOSE days...

I hit a red button and the humming of the generator dies down while the room goes back to normal earth gravity to allow me to enter. The second door opens and I step inside. I plaster the happy expression on my face that I wear so often as a mask these days. I must not let anyone know how I really feel. Good old Goku. The facade shall live on.

"Hi Vegeta! How are you doing?" I ask, forcing my voice into that annoying happy tone that the prince loathes so much. I know that but he's used to it. If I would change he might get suspicious. Can't have that...

Vegeta

I was completely focussed. Every move was sure and steady. Every thought was concentrated on my kata and the energy that flooded through me. I was completely intent upon my mind numbing exertions. And then everything was knocked askew when I sensed *him*. Damn him! It was no surprise. Of course he would be here. He always came. Another thing that did not change. My expression grew darker. I did not want him here. Absolutely not! My mood was already too poor. He did not enter immediately and I almost thought that he would leave me alone but then the gravity shut down, throwing off my whole exercise. I growled out loud and paused in mid air, still flowing through my kata though now without the added strain. I had reached a new high in the gravity that I could withstand. His interruption was the last thing that I needed right now. I ignored him when he came in. Fucking baka. The mere thought of having to deal with him at this very moment made my existence even less tolerable. His cheerful greeting caused my hackles to rise. How am I doing? Ha! Sarcasm snapped at me relentlessly.

"What do you want." I growled.

Son Goku

My eyes widened at his gruff voice but inside I was not surprised. I had known he was in a foul mood today all along. Usually that was not a good sign but on some occasions it has managed to drive him out of his reserve when I annoyed him enough. Maybe I could make him loose his distance and get a real good fight out of him. It was just a matter of how to manipulate him. I wondered if he ever noticed...

"Sorry Vegeta, I didn't want to disturb you. But I do come every Tuesday at this time for our spar. You did not forget that, did you?" I stepped over to the generator and threw a look on the number. This time my eyes widened for real.

"WOW, Vegeta! You've increased you gravity-level again! That's awesome!" I felt a spark of anticipation rise. Maybe this would turn out as a good spar after all. This should be a challenge!

Vegeta

I finally stopped, floating in the air above him. The air in here was stifling and thick and my mind felt clouded from the heat and exertion. I did not want to deal with him. A cycle. Yes. I knew he came every time. I had not thought of it today though. He never respected my desire to be left alone.

I watched him for a moment. He acted so cheerful and brainless but I could tell by his stance that he was here for one reason only. My eyes narrowed. Of course. Why else would he seek me out? The prince of Saiyajin, his own personal sparring partner. Again the dark bitter thoughts came but I drew up and banished them. Damn the heat. I smirked. I could do with a true fight. I was just in the mood for it.

"You think you can handle me this time, Kakarott?" I spoke disdainfully. "I am in just the mood to hand your ass to you just for interrupting me."

Son Goku

I smirked inwardly at his words. Yes... maybe today he would not hold back. Maybe the spark would return. I did not answer his challenge but instead pushed the button that put the gravity generator back to life. It hummed and then I felt the tug as the gravity increased. I stretched and bent lightly. Luckily I already had performed my warm up this morning on my training grounds in the woods. Then I stepped into the middle of the chamber, effortlessly falling into my usual fighting stance and smiled at him. I extended one hand and bent the fingers, one, two times.

Come on. Bring it on.

Vegeta

I landed just as the gravity returned. Hn. So sure of himself. So cocky. I grimaced. He knew I would not beat him. He knew I would fall short. I almost could imagine he did it on purpose to egg me on.

Baka.

No, he didn't. But damn him, it infuriated me anyway. Especially right now. He wanted me to bring it? Fine. I would bring it. I would wipe that smile off his face. The adrenaline came flooding anew in the face of another battle. I smirked at the fresh strength it brought with it. I was never as at my best as I was when I faced him. I decided that I was perhaps in just the mood to deal with him rather than what I had thought before. I powered up with a roar and let my aura cradle me like a blanket. Then I fell into an attack stance and leapt at him. I had already warmed up. I was ready. Why not start the real fight right now. He would catch up if he could.

Son Goku

He came to me like the angel of death himself. A dark, a fallen angel. I smirked even as I dodged his first punch. Then we were into it. A flurry of fists, lightning quick, the occasional kick thrown in. Close combat today. He wanted it rough. He had not used a single energy-attack so far, which was unusual for him. Since I was the stronger by means of raw power, he normally tended toward more cunning tactics. A life of war had sharpened and toned his mind and his senses into perfection. His lithe body flexed and bent around my powerful attacks. He was also faster than me. But I knew how to deal with that. I knew him so well. It was all a matter of rather not trying to follow but to *know* where he would appear next. He again realized that painfully when he appeared from one of his incredibly fast movements only to step solidly right into my fist. The punch threw him back and made him crash into the wall where he left a dent of remarkable size. Trunks would have to fix that later. Since Bulma had left us he had taken this task over, too.

Vegeta

I dragged myself back to my feet. Always better. Always one step ahead. Always right there. I licked a trickle of blood from my lip and called more of my ki to me. It felt good to do it this way. But my patience had been thin before any of this had started. I would not lose to him. Not this time. The fire that sped through my racing heart made me sure.

I sped to meet him again, diving as if I intended to ram him but I gathered energy in the hand behind my back. I would see him on the ground before me this time. Show him his place. I was pissed off before he ever intruded upon me. He brought this on himself. Let's see how he dealt with it.

I was going on pure instinct now. Pure battle lust. I had not let myself go for a long time. Not since the seasons changed. I much preferred the cold. I didn't care what he thought. He asked me about it once. Space is a cold place. I suppose I was acclimated. Even after all this time I hadn't quite adapted. It was easier to work up the energy when I was not distracted so much. I caught him with my sneak attack ki blast just as he was about to react to what he thought I would do. I smirked and paused to watch my handiwork. So he thought I was predictable? Not today. I felt too energized.

Son Goku

He surprised me there and then all I saw was just much too bright light and I felt the huge explosion more than I saw it. He cheated!

I growled as I picked myself from the deep imprint that my body had left in the hard wall of the gravity room. He was really out for the win today! Good! I would give him a challenge he would never forget. I smiled and allowed myself to relax my guard for a second as I inwardly grinned. I felt wild and free and alive, more than I had felt for months. I screamed and flared my ki, powering up to level two in an instant. I was at him in the blink of a second, pummelling him mercilessly. He took a second or two to react and that was enough for me to gather my ki and throw a kamehameha at him that engulfed him completely.

Vegeta

The expression on his face made me smile. Hmph. That's it. Just like always.

'Why does it surprise you every time? You should be used to it by now. Why do you ever expect anything else from me?' It annoyed me. He always seemed to think better of me than I really was. Fool! I watched him come, my energy rising. The though occurred to me that I shouldn't wait. I should increase it to the next level. My strength was close to his but I still could not withstand him at this level. But I relished the primal fight. I wanted to feel flesh on bone on flesh. It was satisfying.

He made the choice for me before I could make up my mind. Damn this distraction. Always. But I should be used to it. I should be beyond it. I braced myself. The golden blast enveloping but breaking around my shield. I roared and reached level two as well. Always one step ahead. Always just around the corner. I increased to my peak energy. I would not wait. I suddenly did not want this fight. My frustration came back on me like a wave. This was too involving. I did not want to be near anyone, least of all him!

Bastard.

Ki burst from me, deflecting the blast. I could see again and I found that he had pushed me back half the length of the gravity room. He wanted to play but I suddenly didn't anymore. I snorted at myself. Saiyajin lived for battle but I was tired of this.

"Baka! Is that all you have? Don't waste my time! I have better things to do!" And then I charged. I grinned ferally. The gravity slowed him down some. I would see if it was enough. I would show no mercy. Not today.

Son Goku

He emerged from my blast slightly scorched around the edges but nevertheless not slowed down much less stopped. He flew at me again and I barely dodged a roundhouse kick to the head. Damn. He really got much quicker. I actually felt the gravity. I used it to my advantage, allowing it to pull me down from his next attack. I boosted ahead and reappeared behind him, smacking him in the back. I surprised him but he caught himself very quick. We locked hands then and fought almost with mere willpower. Push forward, slight retreat backward. I could see his powerful muscles bulk as he struggled against me with all his might and slowly he pushed me back. I let go and attacked him again. Suddenly he spun and kicked me right between the eyes.

Stunned, I flew back a few feet and shook my head. He used my slight dizziness to gather a ki-blast.

Vegeta

Facing off against him I had a chance to look him in the eye. He could beat me like this. He could just power up but he held back. He always held back but that just made it more of an insult. I pressed harder trying to draw him out. Trying to force him not to hold back so much. He loved the fight as much as I did but I hated knowing this about him.

'Hold back if you want to. I won't.' I took great pleasure in taking advantage of his self-control. My blood rushed and I fell more into the battle but then I realized what I was doing. Damn it! I wouldn't. Hn. We all hold back one way or another. I gathered my ki to me.

"What's the matter, Kakarott? Are you tired this morning? Didn't sleep well? I can train better on my own. I am just wasting my time on the likes of you. I am in no mood to play with an worthless third class imbecile today."

I let loose my blast just as he was recovering.

Son Goku

I heard those insulting words that I was so well used to. They weren't even the worst I had ever heard from him, not even close. And yet... something was different.

It stung. In my heart. It throbbed painfully all of a sudden. I didn't want this. I did not want to carry on like this. So.. useless. Every day the same. Nothing to look forward to. Just loneliness and insults. Nothing more. My eyes widened as I realized my error.

I had allowed my thoughts to carry me away for a second. In battle with Vegeta that was a deadly mistake.

"FINAL FLASH!" was my only warning and then I felt a ki-blast approach me that might be my undoing if I did not react very very quick. I screamed, throwing my head back and powered up further to level three. My muscles expanded and ripped parts of my gi away just as my hair spilled down my back. I still screamed when Vegeta's ki-blast had dissolved around the edges of the ki-shield created by my power alone. I took him on, head to head and I saw realization dawn in his eyes as my fist connected with his jaw. I hit him full force and he was flung back but before he hit the floor I was there, catching him and flinging him upwards with a hard kick. And yet again I did not give him time to recover, already waiting for him. He tried to stop his flight and again this look was in his eyes. I was directly in front of him, ready to punch him to nirvana and back. But that look... it made me hesitate. I could see acceptance. He knew that I was going to beat him and he simply accepted it. Suddenly it all did not matter anymore. Nothing mattered. Instead of the punch I had planned I dodged him and let him catch himself. I floated in the air, arms hanging loosely, almost relaxed. No threat. I did not want to fight anymore. There was no use. He loathed me and he still held back. And I did too. Nothing would change. I was so sick of it.

Vegeta

I settled to my feet under the intense gravity. I gasped for breath, filling my lungs but not giving in in the slightest to the blows I had taken. They were common enough. The pain was not something that bothered me much. Not after so many years of fighting him. Bloody hell! He had held back again. I had wondered for a second whether he would or not but it made no difference. Nothing ever changed. A small humourless smirk rose on my lips as my previous thoughts came back to me. I glared through the hazy stuffy air and realized just how fucking hot it was again. I shook my head disgustedly.

"I am through with this. I will not deal with you today. Go away." I let my energy settle again, thus ending my participation in this little exercise.

Son Goku

Gravity pulled me down to the floor. As my feet touched it I let go of my power, my hair turning black once more. I held my eyes downcast. I did not want to look at him. I did not know who had failed whom or if there even was a failure. But... I did not want it anymore.

I just stood there, arms hanging down, shoulders slumped. I did not react as he told me to go away. Something was raging inside my soul. I did not know what it was, but it strangely felt like despair. So. The saviour of earth, who lived through every battle and never gave up... defeated at last. By a mere nothing. By nothing you could put your finger on. Nothing you could punch in the face. Isn't that funny? I wondered if Vegeta did realize. If yes, he should be laughing his head of by now.

Vegeta

"What are you waiting for? Get out!" I snapped when he didn't move.

Son Goku

I raised my head, staring at him.

"No. Not before you tell me why all this is happening."

Vegeta

My eyes narrowed.

"Why all what is happening? Why you can't seem make it worth my time? Or why you exist in the first place? I can answer the second one. You are here to drive me insane. Is that satisfactory? Hn. If you want divine knowledge go ask your divine friends. Leave me out of it."

Son Goku

My eyes bore into his as he mirrored my gaze.

"Why Vegeta? Why do we go on like this? It makes no sense."

Vegeta

Sarcasm dripped from my tongue. Why wouldn't he just go? Did I have to spell it out for him? He was not welcome today. His question seemed to reflect my own thoughts this morning but they were not even close. Never would be. We were nothing alike.

"Kakarott! If you are searching for reasons to live you have come to the wrong place. You want sense? I assure you that you will need all the help you can get." I was getting more and more annoyed and my voice sharpened.

Son Goku

"Me?" I laughed dryly, not feeling myself at all. But who am I, anyway? A hero? A fool? A burned out shell?

"I don't know if I need help. But I know that you do. You have changed, Vegeta. I want to know why."

Vegeta

I scowled and snarled. Fucking asshole! What the hell did he know? Obviously nothing.

"I am the same as I ever was! *You* are the one who thinks differently." The same as I ever will be. The thought came unbidden.

"Don't think that you could ever know me well enough to know whether I did change or not! I doubt a moron like you has the attention span to be able to make an observation like that anyway. Now get out! Or I will throw you out! If I ever consider you worthy of my presence again it would be too soon! Leave! I do not want to see your loathsome face again." I growled.

Son Goku

I gulped down a sharp retort.

'Don't think that you could ever know me well enough.' I realized how true that was. And I never would, I might try as much I wanted to. He would not let me. Why I had kept on trying for such a long time I really did not know. My shoulders sank down as I admitted defeat. I had never yielded to him in battle. Never, not once. I had always been ahead of him - somehow secretly fearing that if he ever surpassed me that would be the last I saw of him. He had not. Not till today.

"You are right, Vegeta. I don't know you." I admitted softly. "And you don't know me, obviously. I will no longer disgust you with my presence. Farewell, Vegeta."

Vegeta

I glared after him as he finally left. Farewell. I turned away. Farewell. It bothered me but I pushed it down. As if... As if anything would change. It never did. I knew that. I snarled as I again increased the gravity. Nothing ever changed and it was just the way it would be. Nothing to look to, nothing to expect. I glanced back to the closed doors once before beginning my training again. Solitary. The way it should be. I felt a pang for just a moment but crushed it. As if I would be rid of him so easily. I hadn't been able to get rid of him in all this time. He would be back and I would have to deal with it just like always. I brushed all my thoughts away and concentrated once more on the oppressiveness of the thick air...and the scent of the Saiyajin that had inhabited it just a few moments ago. It was going to be a horrible day.

Son Goku

Without turning back even once I stepped out of the gravity chamber. I could feel him, feel his glare bore into my back. I wondered if he really meant it. That he did not want to see me again. Maybe he did not know that this time, I just might take his word...

So sick. I could not put up with this crap anymore. He was not the only reason, but he was what really got to me in the end. He always was. I could put up with so much, I am such a nice and patient guy, ain't I, but he always managed to lure me out of my reserves. And now he'd delivered his masterpiece. I felt broken.

And the worst part was - I still cared. Even as I turned away, positively sure that this time it was final I had to bite back the urge too turn my head and at least check if he was okay, if I had not hurt him too bad during our spar. Ridiculous. It had always been me who was hurt in the end, even though it might appear otherwise. But I cared, nevertheless. I might tell myself how stupid it was and that he did not want me to but it did not make a difference. It had started long before the fight against Boo, where I could not throw that genkidama while *he* was still in danger, and it had continued till today. And I could not get rid of it.

I wandered aimlessly, wondering why it hurt so damn bad. It had never bothered me before. Suddenly I understood something. Beside what he might think himself, beside what he said - Vegeta had changed. He had lost the will to fight. That strong, unbreakable will to get stronger, to get better than me. He trained and trained and pushed himself… but he had lost his goal. It was meaningless.

My breath stocked for a second. When had it vanished? Why had I not noticed before? The flame was out. That was what was missing. He had been so alive. So full of energy. Now he was... dimmed. Dull. As if he was cold and dead inside. As if he had burned out simply like that. And I had not seen it. That startling revelation led me to another.

Maybe I had too.

Maybe my flame had been extinguished too, had died slowly and painfully since it was not fed. That thought was painful. I stopped and leant my head against a cold wall, closing my eyes.

I had not noticed. I had been distracted by my friends and family and I had not seen it. And then they had gone, one by one, abandoning me.. not that I did mind - I knew it was only natural, but still.. it hurt so much! Now I was standing alone and I finally saw the truth. I wondered what else I had not seen through the years. Maybe many things had not been as good as I had thought them to be. Goku, the naive happy-go-lucky. Let's not bother him - he won't understand anyway. I wanted to cry but I couldn't like I never had been able to, not even when I lost everything. What else had I missed? Maybe I should have seen earlier how unhappy Chichi was. Why had she not returned to me? It wasn't just a punishment, a revenge for doing the same to her - I saw that now. What did my sons really think of me? And my friends? Had anyone ever seen me for who I really was? Suddenly Bulma came to my mind. My oldest friend. She had understood me, I was sure of that. There had been this look in her eyes... so sad. I had not realized the truth. Maybe I had been blind to her too. She had been with Vegeta. Had he acted towards her like he did to anyone else? Shocked I realized that I did not know. How had she been able to put up with his behaviour so long? Was there another thing that I missed? Maybe even my view of Vegeta was tainted? No... No. It can't be. It shan't. Bulma... I wish you could tell me. Surely you would tell me the truth. You always were the most honest of them all. You never let me down. But maybe I have let you down.

Without even thinking I found myself wandering into one of the labs. Startled I realized that it had been Bulma's personal laboratory, the one she had always worked in before she died in that accident. My thoughts must have led me here. How I wished she was still around. I could ask her what to do and she would put her chin in her hand and look at me from those big blue eyes, smiling slightly. She would call me Goku-kun and then she would come up with something genius that would make everything all right again.

I found myself smiling at the memories evoked by all the stuff in the lab as I wandered aimlessly between the dusty shelves. I had often sat here watching her when I was younger. No one knew, and often she did not even notice me for long periods of time. It had been funny and exiting. She had always been at the brink of a grand discovery and the whole atmosphere had simply sparked and sent those small shivers of anticipation over my skin. I had always believed that she could do everything. My hand carelessly brushed over half finished devices, covered with lots of dust. I had wondered why Trunks had been so adamant about not shutting down her lab. Now I knew why. It was almost as if she was still here. I found a spark of the old curiosity return. It was such a pleasant change that I welcomed it with open arms.

Suddenly I had to smile as a crazy thought hit my head. Surely Bulma would have invented something to get me out of this misery, wouldn't she? Yes, I could just imagine how she gave me some device labelled "problem-eraser" or something similar. There would be a red button and when I pushed it everything would be back to how it should be. Yes. Somehow I could not imagine this not happening. I wanted this so bad to happen...

Subconsciously I started looking at the stuff in the lab. Bulma had been so smart. Maybe she had thought of something like that already? Maybe the solution to all my problems was just one button away? I studied everything closely, carefully opening cupboards. I tried not to mess up anything. I lifted covers and opened boxes, but found nothing that had the slightest resemblance to the kind of device I imagined. Most I could not even identify.

I searched and shifted through stuff till the dust made me sneeze all the time and my eyes began to water. I coughed, sinking down to the floor for a moment, leaning onto a particularly large box. The illusionary desperate hope that had lent me energy for a few precious moments dwindled already. I had just proved my stupidity again. How Vegeta would laugh at me.. Of course no such thing as a "problem eraser" existed. How could I have believed that? But it had been so tempting. I had no idea what to do, how to change this - and the idea of merely pressing a button...

My gaze fell onto something large in the corner of the lab that was most far away from the door. It was dark there and the thing was covered with a blanket. I tilted my head. Maybe you needed a large device to solve large problems. To my exhausted and muddled brain that thought made much sense. I slowly got up and walked over to the corner.

Anxiously I removed the blanket and stared at the strange piece of machinery. It was a good three inches taller than me. I was kinda egg-shaped and had lot's of cables and wires, tubes and stuff on it's surface. It reminded me vaguely of something but I just could not figure out what it was. There was a screen implemented into one side and beside it was a keyboard and an array of buttons. And at the end sat one particularly big, red button. It looked very tempting.

I had not the slightest idea what this thing could be but I figured that Trunks surely had removed all the dangerous stuff from the lab. It never occurred to me that even he might not have known the use to some of the stuff his mother invented. There was a power switch. I decided that it would not hurt to see what happened when I turned it on.

There it was again, my old curiosity. Welcome back, old friend…

Maybe it was what I had searched for. Hopefully. My last hope.

And, by the way - what did I have to loose?

I switched on the power and instantly the machine came to life, humming softly. Strange lights flickered over it's surface. The screen lit up and funny symbols that I could not decipher appeared. I was rather clueless. Maybe I had to tell the thing what my problems were? I tried to punch in something with the strange keyboard but it just produced rubbish on the screen.

Vegeta

I spun and kicked and whirled through the air. Pushing myself once again. Pushing harder than I had before. Pushing as hard as I could. Stamina and grace...strength and power...pride and shame...hate...need. As it had always been and ever would be. I came to a stop suddenly, my chest rising and falling heavily. What was the use? I knew the answer to that already. There was little use. There was no gain. Not really. Nothing to look to. Hadn't been anything for a long time. Kakarott came to mind again. Farewell. He had never given in before. He had always said something inane like "see you later" or "maybe you'll be in a better mood tomorrow", he never said goodbye. Shaking my head I again determined that it didn't matter. Any change might be good but I doubted it. Maybe he would stay away for a while. I was not sure what I thought of that but shook it away. That was what I wanted. I stood still for a few minutes before resolutely starting again. I may not move toward anything but I could not stop. Could never stop. Not here, not now. I snorted wryly. As if it would be different if I were anywhere else! I allowed myself in my solitude to admit the uselessness. But that was all. It didn't change a thing. Fuck it all. I set into my training again.

Son Goku

Suddenly the lights started to flicker. I got nervous. Something was happening. I just had no idea what. I eyed the big red button. Should I? I swallowed hard. As already stated... what was there to loose? What was the worst that could happen? Nothing that made things worse than they were now. A change. Any change at all. Everything that altered the situation would be welcome to me, I swore.

I briefly closed my eyes and reached for the button. I cast aside all my hesitation and worries. I had never hesitated when something had to be done. Resolutely I pressed the button. Instantly the humming increased. I cracked open one eye, relieved that I was still alive and breathing and the lab was still standing. But then the lights suddenly fluctuated. The humming grew louder and louder. Uhoh...

That did NOT sound good... mistake.. BIG mistake.. must turn it off.. I hit the button again, hoping that would have the desired effect . It did not. More so, the fluctuating increased and my hairs were standing on end from the electricity in the air.

Ah! The power switch! Must turn the power off! I reached forward, trying to grab it and push it back. And within that movement I accidentally touched the surface of the machinery.

Electricity cursed through me instantly. I was frozen, glued to the spot and could not move anymore. My eyes bulged out and I would have screamed if I could have but I was petrified. The humming became a giant noise. The lights in the lab turned out with small explosions. The machine glowed brightly.

Spasms ran through my body, making me convulse. I could not think, I could not raise my ki, nothing...

Death... the thought flickered through my brain, maybe this was death - not the way I would have chosen out of free will, but a way out at last... if they allowed me to stay dead this time. The light got so bright that it hurt my eyes and I felt my body slowly shutting down because of the intense energy that held it in it's deadly grip. Things seemed to shift and change around me... it was all just a blur, as if I was moving very fast. Shapes were moving all around me.. Something red blurred by.. Then more darkness.

There was darkness and then an approaching light. I wondered if I was supposed to go into the light…

The humming changed to a high pitched shrill noise that literally made my ears bleed.

There was heat, a lot of it… and pain... so much pain... dying is painful, I had known it before, I just had chosen to forget just *how* painful it was... and then I felt or heard something snap and everything darkened out as the machine exploded right into my face. The last thing I remembered was a sharp pain that I somehow knew was crucial and the rather sad thought:

'Finally a change. An end at last.'

~ And thus our story begins... ~ to be continued. ~