Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Life Through the Looking Glass ❯ First Love ( Chapter 20 )

Chapter 20: First Love

Have you ever cried for no reason? The tears that are there and you have no idea why, there could be so many reasons for your tears and you have no idea which reason you should blame for your pain. Is it really your fault? Couldn't it be someone else's fault for this heart wrenching pain? Maybe it isn't. Maybe it is your own fault. If you blame it on them, maybe you should have been able to see the outcome. You should have been able to see what they would do to you. The pain that they would inflict upon you. Maybe if it is what you deserved for trusting someone, then maybe you shouldn't trust anyone. It would be easier and you wouldn't have to deal with pain. If you just closed yourself off from the world. You would be able to live your life without pain, but alone. Would you be able to live a life alone without pain? Or is a life alone, the truest pain? 

-From the Diary of Son, Pan
(Age 13) 

I know you are all dying to know what happened between Uub and I right? Yeah, I know I've put you all through enough torture, but like I've said before, it was a painful experience. I couldn't have gotten through the things I was going through without Uub, even though he was part of the reason I was in pain, he was someone I could confide in. Even though it was hard, and he was trying to force me into something I didn't want, just like my parents, he was just like me. He didn't want this life either, but he was going through with it. He wanted me to be there with him. Although I hated him for it, this was my life. He made me see that for a while. Afterwards, however, it didn't take me long to see that he was wrong. I didn't have to live this life and I didn't have to stay. I could leave and never look back, but to do that I would have to leave my parents. I really hated him for making me so confused. You want to know how? I'll tell you exactly how. 

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I was walking to the lobby, wanting to get some air. I needed to get away form everybody. All those eyes on me… especially `those' eyes. I didn't even know who they belonged to, and I could feel them follow me. Even now, when I was all alone in this great hall. I could feel him behind me. I could almost hear his breathing. He was getting closer and I stopped. I could feel him stop as well. I turned around, and saw him and I couldn't breathe. He was beautiful. He was tall, handsome, a lot of muscles, but not too much. He had black hair in an almost Mohawk fashion, with tanned skin. I had to catch my breath when I saw him. He was maybe a few years older than me, but that didn't matter… he was perfect. His eyes were the deepest black I had ever seen, deeper even than my own. 

I could barely feel my legs, but the little I felt, felt like jello. It scared me. I had never in my entire life felt the way I did at this moment. His eyes boring into me felt like he wasn't just looking at me, but through me. Deep down into the very depths of my soul, and to tell you the truth, it scared me. A lot. 

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Now I know what you're thinking, the whole instant sparks that leads to mind blowing sex, and we live happily ever after, right? Wrong. There were no sparks, we obviously haven't lived happily ever after, and sex… well, you'll just have to find out. But for now, know this, my life was a living hell. I was willing to do anything just to have someone to talk to that would understand me. Someone who would tell me that it was alright and was willing to share in the pain that I was carrying with me. Uub was that person, and even though life was hard, and we had so much in common, our lives were meant to cross, but our souls weren't meant to be joined for all eternity. He wasn't the one I could love the rest of my life. Yes, I could have been satisfied, but I wouldn't have been happy. I knew, that if I waited, I would have the happiness I so longed for. 

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I didn't know if I should have been scared or not, and it almost did scare me. The fact that I wasn't scared when most people would have. Then again, most people wouldn't ditch a fancy ball with a guy they had never met before, hell, even spoken a word to. Yes, it's true. We had only `met' about a half hour ago, and still not a word was spoken. I knew it didn't matter. Words would just ruin the silence. The silence we had both been longing for. We both needed to think, or at least I did. 

I needed to get the facts straight. I went against my parents wishes and left the party. Okay, that's one. Two, I met this guy at the party I had never seen before, haven't even spoken to before, and three, I am now in the car with God knows who this person is, going only God knows where. Okay, only three things wrong with tonight. It's been worse… I think. 

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That was the night my entire life changed, whether for good or for bad, that is for you to decide. I still haven't. My life is ruined and partly from that night. I remember it perfectly. I thought things would get better after that. I was thirteen with an eighteen year-old guy. My parents were rich and nobody would do anything to me unless they wanted to start a huge scandal. You know, those one's you hear about on the television. I had a feeling that things would get better. I mean nothing could go wrong. Right? I don't know if this is the way things are supposed to be, or if I made a huge mistake. As I've said before, I didn't know then, and I don't know now. My `relationship' with Uub didn't turn out well, and with Trunks, well, what could I say about him. He was perfect, and if he's perfect then the fault must lie in me. All I know is that stories don't always end in happily ever after.

First Love

Watching from afar.
Desprately waiting to hold you in my arms.
I watch the way you walk.
Listen to the way you talk.
Dreaming of the day,
When I'll have my way.
I'll hold you in my arms.
Cradle you all night.
Kiss your tender lips.
Move across your chest.
Making sweet love all night and day.
Just waiting for the day,
When I'll have my way.

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