Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Life Through the Looking Glass ❯ Good-bye to You, Song Dedication From Carina to Pan ( Chapter 26 )

Chapter 26: Good-bye to You, Song Dedication From Carina to Pan 

Have you ever lied to yourself? Told yourself something wasn't true. Like, `Everything will be all right.' Even though you knew it wouldn't. Everything was going downhill. How ironic is that? How much easier it is to go down than up. You have to struggle to reach the top. But where do you go from there? There is no ladder. You cannot stay up there. Life demands that you continue moving. That is what love does to you. Just when you have reached the top, everything is perfect. But where do you go after perfect? It cannot get better, but you must move forward. Forward is pain, misery, and despair. Forward, is rolling downhill. Tumbling so fast, you get sick. And that is the feeling you get, just as you realize, that perfect is only a word. A brief moment in time. Something you can never see again. Why? Because you had your brief moment of happiness. And you spend the rest of your life, pretending that this is everything you wanted. Pretending this is the way you want to spend your life. Pretending that love does not matter. All because perfect is pretend. 

-From the Diary of Son, Pan

(Son, Carina) 

Today was the day that would change my life. Well, more like the day I would change my life. It's funny how you can be against something your entire life. Fight with everything you have. Give everything you have just to prove how serious you are. In an instant, everything is swept away. Love does that to you and it did it to me. I fell in love with a man that loves the world. He was the first love of my life, and the only love of my life. I was his second. He loved everyone's thoughts more than he loved me. Just the idea of what they thought of him made him cringe. That's why he refused me. That's why he couldn't love me like he was supposed to. Like I wanted…like he wanted. 

Of all the things I've believed in  

I just want to get it over with  

Tears form behind my eyes  

But I do not cry  

Counting the days that pass me by 

For the first time in my life, I was willing to admit that my parents were right. I would have to change. The way I was now would not be acccepted. Not by the world, and not by him. Especially with the public position we both held. And the future position we will both hold. He and I are different, and my parents knew that. They may have done all of this on purpose. They may have known that I would fall in love. 

I've been searching deep down in my soul  

Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  

It feels like I'm starting all over again  

The last three years were just pretend  

And I said, 

Goodbye to you  

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  

You were the one I loved  

The one thing that I tried to hold on to 

They may not have. But somehow, I knew that they knew, this would change me. I could see it in their eyes last night. Last night as I announced my final decision. Their smiles disgusted me. Last night I removed the unneccasary objects, and packed everything into boxes and sent them away. Tears stung my eyes but I would not show my parents my tears. There was no point. They has won and I would not give them the satisfaction of letting the see just how broken I was. After all these years, they had finally broken me, broken me into this well-established life style that they wanted me to live in. It was pointless, and I would not give up that much pride for they had taken away enough. 

I still get lost in your eyes  

And it seems that I can't live a day without you  

Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  

To a place where I am blinded by the light  

But it's not right 

Goodbye to you  

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  

You were the one I loved  

The one thing that I tried to hold on to 

My uncle Goten took care of the boxes. He wasn't too happy with what I was doing. But what he did with everything I don't know. I don't think he took my advice about burning everything. My dark clothing, everything with holes, studded bracelets, chains, collars, belts, earrings, nose rings, brow studs, black make-up, CD's, posters, concert ticket stubs, and everything else that was not allowed in my new chosen life style. When it was all said and done, my room was practically bare. That would change though, my parents assured me. They would call in an interior designer to work on my room. To change everything, to look like everything else. To no longer stand out among anything else. 

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  

I want what's yours and I want what's mine  

I want you  

But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you  

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  

You were the one I loved  

The one thing that I tried to hold on to  

The one thing that I tried to hold on to  

I looked at myself in my full length mirror. This was the person I rarely saw, but the woman that Trunks had fallen in love with. I could no longer act like the child I was. Although by legal standards I was still a child, my power and position lead many to believe otherwise. Son, Carina. This was who I was to forever be. Last night, as I was packing away my life, I had made the hardest decision of my life. I had packed away with everything, Son, Pan. 

And when the stars fall  

I will lie awake  

You're my shooting star.

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Hello everyone. I would first like to thank everyone for reading. And encourage you to review. I'm not gonna go into a long explanation as to why I haven't updated lately. The only thing I can say is that I was writing this chapter, and it was half way done and I had an idea. So I scratched the entire chapter I had, quickly wrote this chapter, and sent it off to me editor all in the same day. The chapter I was working on will be used later. This was gonna happen, but I didn't think to have her go all the way. I wasn't gonna explain that she emptied everything. So, yeah. The next chapter or so will be a little different from what I usually do considering the circumstances of this chapter. So, yeah, sorry for you guys who like some of the things I put in this chapter.

 

I would like to thank all of my reviewers.

 

LauraNeatO: No, I don't disregard anything I put into my stories. And it's gonna cause a little bit more than a few points, but I'm gonna try and see how I work it in. If you read above, the chapter I was working on and will be used later, that showed some of the stuff. Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad that you are still reading this. Hope you liked it.

 

beautiful crimson: How's it goin? Not much here. Yeah, my school is messed up. We are on a different schedule than everyone else, but they are changing that this year. We only have two months of summer, that way we can start earlier this summer, and we can end earlier next summer. Anywayz, thanks for reviewing. And I haven't forgotten about the questions thing. I'm still working on answering that. Much love.

 

bmrdbgt: Glad you caught up. The end to this story is coming, I hope you like it.

 

Blood-In-The-Stars: lol, I won't leave you hanging. As much as I can at least. Glad you like the idea of a sequel. Not many other people commented on it.

 

Graceful Soull: Feeling a lot better! I'm glad you like the last chapter. And thanks for reviewing.

 

Forgotten Beauty: Glad you liked it. And no, Pan does not know yet. She will find out, but not yet. It won't be that big of a thing with her. But it will be in here. Promise.

 

bebex2xsweet: Feeling a lot better thanks. And I continued. Hope you liked it.

 

Bastet Solarwind: Sorry, I had to stop. Chapters can't go on foerever. Or else I'd never have stopped reading that one story that got me interested in fanfiction. I still wish she hadn't stopped writing. I've read that story six times. At least. Anywayz, thanks for reviewing.

 

CrAzY-Fan-Fic-Addict: Thanks for reviewing. It makes me happy that you guys like this story.

 

P*A*N28: I updated. Glad you liked it.

 

arkhato: I'm glad you're liking it. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope that you liked this chapter too.

 

SsjRaina: Wow, I'm glad you like this story that much. I know what you mean about all those stories being tossed aside. And it's just when it's getting really good that they say good-bye. Truth be told, there were a few times that I thought I would have to stop doing this. But then I remembered how much I hated those authors and didn't want to be like them. So I'd just write another chapter. I'm glad the whole Trunks thing took you by surprise. It was a last minute idea too. Thanks for reviewing.

 

DeathAngel: I'm glad you like. I hope you liked this chapter too. Thanks for reviewing.

 

sam: It didn't come out that fast, but the chapter is still here. I hope you liked it. And thanks for reviewing.

 

Courtney: I'm glad you liked it. And thanks for the compliments. I didn't really want this story to go off into all the other stories, ending up like theirs. I'm a big T/P fanatic too. I'm glad you liked the diary entries. Those are harder to write than people think. Cause I want them to be a certain length. But anywayz, thanks for reviewing and I hope you liked this chapter.

 

nan de mo chibi otoko: lol, I know what you mean. It was taking me forever to get it out. What Vegeta does is in the chapter that I'll be using later. It's not a big thing in the story, but, let's just say he's liking the arranged marriage now.