Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Nightmares of You ❯ Perfect Cell ( Chapter 4 )

Nightmares of You - Cell

By: Kichi

 

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama created Dragonball Z. Not me.

 

 

I wake to see the bald midget staring down at me. The look on his face can only be described at hatred and disgust directed at me. He will be dealt with.

From the foul taste in my mouth I can tell he gave me a senzu bean. Probably didn't want to waste it on me. Fuck him.

I am starting to sense a pattern here. Why is it that no matter how hard I train there is always someone stronger?!

Always. Ever since I first came to this wretched planet to fight Kakarotto. Ever since then there has always been someone stronger. I repress the urge to sigh in resignation and give up. For a moment I wish I had never been wished back. I have often found myself thinking that in the past few years. But I will not quit. I cannot. I turn towards my accuser and prepare to unleash my anger on him.

“If you expect a `thank you' you can eat shit. I didn't ask for your help.” I snap, not liking his attitude. I can fix it really quick.

“Well I wasn't holding my breath. If it wasn't for Trunks I'd have left you there to die!”

“Big words from a pussy like you.” I hiss, rising to my feet. I know he's scared, I can smell it, but I can also sense his burning hate for me that keeps him in front of me.

“You let Cell absorb 18.” He said. I am paralyzed with fury. He has the gall to question me?

“Of COURSE I let him absorb that bitch! He was too weak to fight before!”

“And now he's TOO STRONG for anyone to fight! Your son is fighting him now! He could die!” Why am I listening to this little shit? He's nothing.

“Trunks can take care of himself.” I reply. And he's not your son either, asshole. His little bald head shines with sweat and I smile in amusement.

“Your disgusting!” the vertically challenged runt before me yells. (I know, I'm short, but not as short as him and everything else about me more than makes up for it, so there) “You don't even care about your own son? I bet you let Cell transform so he could destroy Earth when you failed!” Come on, now. Does he really believe that? The “insult” doesn't even sting. The only thing that is angering me now is the fact that he's still going on and I still listen. I shake my head.

“Is that all? Cause if it is, I'll be going now.”

“Fuck you!” Oh, he almost got away too. I turn and slap him like the bitch he is and smile as he flies into the wall with a thud. Little bastard had it coming.

 

Cell is dead and so is Kakarotto. I will never be able to challenge him again. What will I do now? This is the only thing I regret from letting Cell absorb 18. I will never again have the challenge I so craved for all these years. Fuck the androids and Cell, getting stronger to defeat them was only a convenient excuse. It was all to be stronger than Kakarotto. Now it means nothing.

I sigh and bury my nose in Bulma's hair. Damn woman is irritating as hell but.. She's not that bad. And besides, she's all I have now. Her and my little brat. It so weird to have a family. I honestly never thought I'd have one.

I think she's the only thing that's keeping me from blowing up the planet. Although it's strange because she drives me crazy.

I can't get over the fact that I have nothing to do now. No goal, no meaning to my life. My one main goal was always to kill Frieza, and then stupid Kakarotto went Super Saiyan while I lay dead and buried and killed him!

Then all I wanted was to beat Kakarotto! First he defeated me on Earth, and then he took away my one dream. I can never forgive him that.

The one thing I wanted more than anything. The one thing I wanted so badly I would have GLADLY given my soul to accomplish the task.

Damn him. He took it all away. I had dreamed of killing Frieza for so long and then I died, and from my stone pillow I dreamed of my death again and again.

I roll away from my mate and climb out of bed. I can't take it anymore. I hate him for doing this to me! I hate her for making me change, for making me WANT to be with her. I hate everything and everyone. The weight of my injustice weighs heavily on me and I rush outside hoping the cool night air will calm me.

The breeze filters through the leaves of trees but my rage does not dissipate and for the first time in years I think of taking a knife and cutting myself.

When I was young and aboard Frieza's ship it was the only way to control my anger. When it grew too much too bear I would find something sharp and plunge it into my flesh just to see blood and feel the pain. It distracted me from my anger well enough.

But now I am forced to remember my weakness when Bulma points to my scars and asks where they came from. Of course I lie. I couldn't tell her that I was the cause of the wounds. Many are from battle but there are more that I did myself. I think of it now with disgust, but back then I was delighted. It did help after all I didn't go crazy and kill myself, did I?

But still, it was a weakness, my self-mutilation. Even if it felt like the only alternative to madness and death at the time, it was still a weakness, an escape.

And the knowledge does not help my current situation, it only enflames me further. God, I hate you. I hate you so for what you've let me endure.

I am trembling from the effort of controlling my anger and all I want is to bleed, to make others bleed as well. After all, why should I be the only one that suffers?

But I can't do it. I don't want to cut myself to see blood. I just want this pain to go away. I cannot endure it anymore. I've felt it for too long. I want to let it go, to let it all go away. I'm sick of dwelling on the past. I'm sick of thinking about all the bad things that have happened to me. I want to forget it all.

Kakarotto's death was just the proverbial straw.

Now I've gone past my threshold of endurance. I sink to my knees and pound the dry earth with my fists.

Not fair! Not fair!

But life is not fair, I of all people know this. But I don't want to accept it anymore! I want things to be fair for once in my fucking life. Too much bad stuff.. I feel wetness on my face and numbly reach up to touch my own tears.

Pathetic.

“No!” I scream. Why tears?! This enrages me past all endurance and my vision blurs red. I hear screams before I realize that I am the one screaming and throwing a fit like a child.

Ridiculous.

But I can't stop myself. And to my horror I have awoken the woman and she is now at my side trying to quite me. At last my intelligible screams become words.

“I can't take it!” I scream. This is so strange. I feel as though I am watching someone else who looks exactly like me doing these shameful things. Weeping like a child and carrying on. It's insane.

I feel my nails dig into my face and hear Bulma's scream.

“Please Vegeta, stop!” I feel defeat sweep through me. I am alone as I have always been. No one understands. No one cares.

“Go away!” I implore. I don't want her to see me like this. I am afraid of what she will think. I am afraid she won't understand. Worst of all I'm afraid she'll leave me like everyone else has.

I feel the calm that comes from sheer emptiness and despair wash over me and I relax for a moment. My face presses against the dirt, but I do not care. I hear Bulma crying. I hope I haven't hurt her.

Slowly I come back to myself. My nose is stuffed and running at the same time. My eyes burn, and I know it is because I was crying like a bitch. My face flushes with embarrassment and shame.

“Are you okay?” I rasp. I poke Bulma who is sobbing into her hands and I feel such shame I cannot even look her in the eyes.

“I?” she gasps drawing in a ragged breath. “I am sorry Vegeta. I never knew you felt this way.” She moans. Her hands snaked out to capture my face and to stop me from looking away. Whatever I saw in her eyes in that moment sent me over the edge again. I pulled away and hung my head as the horrible tears again pour from my burning eyes. I feel her arms encircle me and I pull her close. All I could think of then was of my hope that she never leave me.

“Never.” She gasps. “I could never intentionally hurt you, my love.” I cry harder because I am beyond the point of no return anyway, and the fact that she loves me is like a knife in my heart only because I know I don't deserve it.

“Why?” I moan. I can feel her heart aching for me.

“Because I love you, Vegeta. And I always will no matter what.” I accept this. I can do nothing else. She is mine and I am hers. But this is not enough for me!

I need another reason to exist besides her! I need to live for me as I always have. And she senses this and it wounds her deeply.

“I'm sorry.” I say quietly. “I am who I am and I cannot accept this.” I want her to understand. I want someone to know. Like my death soliloquy to Kakarotto. I just want someone to know why I am the way I am, why I do the things I do.

I pull her close and kiss her gently.

“I love you. I care for you more than anyone I've ever known and to see you hurt pains me, but I need a reason to live and your love is not enough.” She nodded, she understood, she accepted it. My love for her increased.

“Vegeta.” She said in a voice that made me pause. “You are all I need. Without you, I die. I wish I could be enough for you. I wish I could make you as happy as you make me.” He voice caught and she began to weep and I instantly realized my error. She was now blaming herself for my misery. This was unacceptable.

“You are not understanding. You do make me happy when you aren't pissing me off.” She gave a weak laugh. “Think of it this way. What if you woke tomorrow without Capsule Corp. . What if you weren't a genius and just a pretty face? I would still be here, but would it matter? Would you be happy still?” her face grew thoughtful and then she truly understood.

“What am I to do Vegeta? I- I can't bear to be without you,” she begins to cry again and I pull her close. Funny how situations reverse sometimes.

“I'm not going anywhere,” I sigh. “But I don't feel like the same person I was yesterday. So maybe the real me is gone and all that is left is this shell. How could you want that?”

“But you are the same person.” She protests. But she is wrong. I am not the same, and I doubt I ever will be.

But for right now I will be content to be in your arms and I will try to forget what has happened for you alone…

 

 

 

Before you flame me and say Vegeta is OOC: ……no shit! That's what happens when you have a nervous breakdown or whatever it was. I wrote most of this last night when I was really pissed off so, so was Veggie, and I also felt despair, and it would fit the fic so.. ah what the hell do I care, no one's going to review anyway, so if you are DO YOUR WORST I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!