Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ No Regrets ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I do not own DB/DBZ/DBGT. I'm sure you're all surprised and disappointed by that, huh? *snort*

A/N: Well, everyone, I thought I'd try my hand at a Yamucha fic. I feel he is one of the most abused characters in the world of fanfiction . . . poor guy. Just 'cause the show needed more Saiyajins and Yamucha couldn't provide any. Anyway, I realize he wasn't exactly Bulma's "perfect boyfriend" but I highly doubt he was a stalker/rapist like I've seen him betrayed in other stories. So basically, if you don't like Yamucha, don't read. There is absolutely NO Yamucha-bashing in here -- no anybody-bashing, actually. Please don't flame it just because you don't like Yamucha -- that isn't fair. I'm not a "Yamucha-lover;" he isn't my favourite character, but I still think the poor guy deserves a break now and then. If you like Yamucha, read on. I tried to think of what he would feel about his life with Bulma, and here's a possible interpretation. Hope you enjoy.

No Regrets

Let me tell you about one of the best things to ever happen to me. Her name is Bulma Briefs. All my life she has been there, brightening my day, making everything --

Aw, heck. That sounds ridiculous, even to me, and I'm the one talking. Nobody's life is a fairy tale, and I'm definitely no exception, so I shouldn't make it sound like it was. People don't want to read fairy tales anymore . . . me, I don't mind them, but that's because I like seeing people find the one they love and live happily ever after. It's a tired old cliché, but I still smile at it, I guess 'cause it's so far from anything my friends or I have experienced. Well, maybe Kuririn -- his marriage to #18 (yeah, that really is her name) is going great, and they have a beautiful daughter. I envy him sometimes.

Ok, this is getting ridiculous. I can't stay on topic today. Bulma used to yell at me a lot, back when we were dating, because I used to space out or start talking about something completely different when she tried to --

Sorry. No more rambling, I promise. My name is Yamucha, and this is the story of me. Me and Bulma, more accurately.

I first met Bulma when I was a teenager, back in the days when Pu'ar and I were desert bandits. (Pu'ar is a cat, by the way. A flying cat. Yeah, I really hang out with a talking, flying cat. You're allowed to laugh.) I'm a little older than Bulma is, and when I met her I think she was about sixteen. Boy, she was pretty -- even then.

We were both looking for the Dragonballs. Those things grant wishes, just in case you didn't know. Bulma was going to wish for the perfect boyfriend. Later she told me that she'd originally planned to wish for a lifetime's supply of strawberries, but had changed her mind. Strawberries! That should tell you a little bit about her right there. Anyway, I was planning on wishing away my fear of girls.

I'm not embarrassed to admit it anymore, but when I was younger just the thought of girls scared the living daylights out of me. If a girl so much as looked my way, my face would turn bright red and I'd get tongue-tied, and more often than not I'd fall over. Pathetic? Yes. But I couldn't help it, it's just the way I was.

Anyway, it wasn't long before I teamed up with Bulma and her friend Goku (if you don't know who he is, well, I'm sorry, but it'll take too long to explain) to look for the Dragonballs together. Boy, were Bulma and I thick -- she was looking for a boyfriend, I wanted to lose my fear of girls so I could get a girlfriend . . . either we were both genuinely stupid, or we weren't letting ourselves see the inevitable. To this day I'm still not sure which.

It wasn't until after we lost the chance to wish with the Dragonballs that we finally figured it out. (You want to know about that particular adventure, wait for my autobiography. I'm not writing it all now.) We were both depressed; I was complaining I'd never be able to get a girlfriend, and Bulma was muttering about how she wouldn't find her perfect boyfriend . . . okay, so we were both a little slow, but cut us some slack. Teenagers are like that sometimes.

At any rate, it occurred to both of us at the same time that maybe we didn't need those silly rocks to find our soulmates. I looked at Bulma, she looked at me -- all of a sudden she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen (and still is, I guess), and I wasn't afraid anymore. It was just like one of those cheesy romance flicks, the way time seemed to stop when I stared into her dark blue eyes . . . cheesy, yeah, but who cared!

So there started our relationship. Goku left us for a while after that -- he thought we were weird. I suppose for a little kid, it was . . . we were pretty lovey-dovey at times. Whoa, I make it sound like we were all over each other, and we weren't. Good grief, no! I just meant hugging and stuff. Anyhow, Goku found it . . . well, odd. Of course, the kid also thought marriage was something to eat, so what does that tell you?

I wish I could say our relationship went as smooth as Master Rôshi's bald head after that (sorry, Master Rôshi, but I needed a simile), but that would be a lie and I'm a horrible liar. We had our share of problems, the same as any other couple, and maybe even more. With me training all the time to surpass Goku (the kid was younger than I was, but twice as strong. Talk about an ego blow), or playing baseball, I didn't have as much time for Bulma as she wanted me to. And my eyes didn't always stay on her, either . . . I'm not saying I'd take off with the first pair of legs I saw (I'm not suicidal!) but if a pretty girl walked by I couldn't help but turn my head. Let me tell you -- Bulma did not take kindly to that. Not that I blame her, now, but we got into a lot of arguments over that.

It wasn't all my fault, though. Bulma tends to be very accusatory and hot-tempered (we both are), and she can be mouthy and rude, not to mention bossy. She considers herself almost a princess, and woe betide anyone who doesn't treat her as such. I'm not bad-mouthing her, by the way -- I still think Bulma is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen; no lying, no exaggerating. She's also really (really, really, really) smart, up at the genius level, and her inventions along with her father's have made her, I'm pretty sure, the richest woman in the world. Her creation, the Dragon Radar, has helped us more than any of us can realize. And as for her kisses, well, hah! This isn't a novel! Not to mention Vegeta might be reading this. If you are, Vegeta, keep in mind I'm just going by memory here. I haven't kissed Bulma in years. But okay, I'll leave the kissing and other stuff out of it. Nobody needs to hear about that anyway. If you want to, then you might as well stop reading now, 'cause I'm not gonna' get into it.

Anyway, despite all Bulma's positive attitudes (mine? Who knows!), our time together wasn't all rosy. For one thing, I wasn't the only one with the roving eye . . . Bulma was just as quick to spot a good-looking guy as I was to notice a cute girl, maybe faster. You try taking a girl out for dinner when all she does is rave about how "hot" the waiter is. It gets on a guy's nerves, if you know what I mean. She even went so far as to ogle a lot of our enemies! About the only guy she didn't notice (besides Goku, who was married) was Kuririn, one of my best friends. Poor guy. He liked her a lot, for the longest time.

Both Bulma and I have very volatile tempers, as I mentioned before. We could get into fights over the stupidest things . . . like whether or not she liked my haircut. She liked it short, I preferred it long. (Even now, she freaks out if her son's hair grows past his ears.) We had a lot of fights over how much time I was spending with her, too. I can still see her enraged face -- "You spend more time training with Kuririn and Master Rôshi than you do with your own girlfriend!" Of course, I'd yell right back about how she could sit in front of her computer for days on end and not even notice if the world exploded.

My fidelity was also a big issue with her. I never cheated on her really, but sometimes I would have a drink with some girl at a bar, or exchange phone numbers with a cute sales attendant. I never followed up on it, though, and I certainly never slept with any of them -- Bulma was my girlfriend, for heaven's sake, and I wasn't going to blow that just because some girl made goo-goo eyes at me. Bulma was the only girl -- woman -- I was comfortable around, anyway, and even I wasn't dumb enough not to realize what I'd lose if Bulma broke up with me.

The bottom line is, Bulma was bossy and overprotective, I could be a little forgetful (I was horrible for standing her up because the occasion slipped my mind) and suspicious, and both of us were bad-tempered and let our eyes wander a little. But through all that, we still managed to stick together for quite a few years. Some people don't even stay married that long. Not exactly a fairy tale romance, but at least it lasted.

Enter Vegeta. (Insert dramatic, evil music here . . . ha, ha, just kidding.) He was another one of our enemies whom Bulma thought was dashingly handsome before she found out his intent was to steal the Dragonballs to grant himself immortality. On Nameksei Kuririn says Bulma alternated between having hearts in her eyes and screaming into terror when Vegeta was around.

After the ordeal on Nameksei and Vegeta became kind of an uneasy ally, Bulma invited him to stay at her house and train. Boy, talk about knocking the boyfriend over with a feather . . . I could've died. Even I didn't live with Bulma, and we'd been dating how long?!

Should've seen it coming. I should've seen it coming. After so many years, the . . . the spark, the spontaneity, the whatever-it-was that brought us together started to die. It stopped being exciting, and became routine -- the dates, the phone calls, the even walks . . . yes, even the kisses. You can't imagine what went through my mind when Bulma kissed me and I felt nothing. It scared me, and I knew we were growing apart.

The more I realized we were drifting, the tighter I held on, trying to salvage what was left between us. I started getting suspicious of Vegeta, and I confronted Bulma about him almost every other day. Bulma went home in tears more than once, and even though I felt awful about it, I couldn't help it. I couldn't stand the thought of losing Bulma after all those years -- and especially not to Vegeta. The green-eyed monster is a funny thing, and yet I wouldn't admit to myself that I had become the stereotypical jealous boyfriend.

Eventually I started getting dirty looks from Vegeta whenever I went to the house, and I knew Bulma had begun confiding in him. Once, when Bulma was out shopping, Vegeta even yelled at me for my treatment of her. If you don't think that's weird and scary, you don't know Vegeta very well. Picture someone who could rip you to pieces (who, ironically, insists that he doesn't care about anyone, least of all women) accusing you of not being worthy of your girlfriend. "I don't know why she stays with you when she could do so much better. I always knew she was stupid, but not that stupid."

After that, Vegeta became almost protective of Bulma when I was around, and Bulma started to talk about him when she and I went out. It didn't take me very long to realize that my jealousy had erased whatever chance Bulma and I had of working things out.

I'll always remember the day I told Bulma I thought we should try separating. I tried to keep control of myself, even though I just wanted to cry. Yeah, I wanted to cry. You can laugh all you want, but keep in mind that I'd never had another girlfriend in my life. First loves are always the hardest.

Bulma just smiled at me, a really sad smile, and she kissed me on the cheek. I remember when I asked her if she thought she was falling in love with Vegeta, Bulma said she wasn't sure . . . but it wasn't a no. I could see the look in her eyes, and I knew. So I did the only thing I could think of -- I let her go.

I don't mean to sound all noble and self-sacrificing and everything, like I handed her over to Vegeta without any anger on my part. I've been honest so far, and I'm gonna' keep it up. I was angry, all right; angry and jealous, and I felt betrayed. Even though I knew Bulma and I weren't going to last, I hadn't wanted it to end that way.

After a while, Bulma and Vegeta quit denying it and ended up together. By this time I'd pretty much gotten over feeling hurt. It still bothered me, yeah, but I'm not mean enough to want to ruin someone else's relationship just because I was jealous. Besides, the breakup was just as much my fault as it was hers. It was too late.

But you know what? I'm not sorry. After we decided to go back to being friends, we got along better than we had for the past five years of our relationship. Since we weren't dating we didn't see the need to squabble over stupid things anymore. It was painful to see Bulma and Vegeta together for a while, but I never let her know I was anything but happy for her.

I was at Bulma's bedside when her son Trunks was born. I think Vegeta was a little annoyed at my presence, but Bulma asked for me and I wasn't going to deny her that. It kind of hurt to hold Trunks at first -- he's like a visible sign of Vegeta and Bulma's relationship, when Bulma and I never had anything like that. I got over it, though, and helped Bulma take care of Trunks when Vegeta was busy.

It's been years now -- Trunks is a young man now, and his little sister Bra is four. Bra and Vegeta are adorable to watch -- Vegeta loves her like crazy, and I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for her. He calls her "Princess," and I haven't heard him call anyone else by any kind of affectionate nickname.

And me and Bulma? We're the best of friends again; have been for some time. I go shopping with her, since Vegeta refuses, and the two of us sit in her backyard a lot, drinking and talking. We laugh together more than we used to, and there hasn't been any tension between us since the day the androids came.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't have any regrets. I don't regret going out with her and falling in love with her, because I got to know myself during that time. I don't regret letting her go, either, because I think our friendship is the better for it. So what if we weren't meant to get married -- Bulma and I are destined to be together, one way or another. That "way" has turned out to be the most awesome friendship I've ever had, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

All right, so Bulma's the only woman I've ever loved, and I've never had another girlfriend since. So what? I'm still single, and I'm okay with it. I don't need a girlfriend or a wife, not when the best woman in the world is my closest friend.

Bulma, I thank you. You've given me so much, and I know I'll never be able to repay you. I'm glad I was mature enough not to call the quits on us when we broke up. To anyone else who's reading this, there you have it. Bulma's and my relationship may not have had a storybook ending, but I still think that we're living happily ever after.

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