Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Onnafied ❯ The Valentine Disaster ( Chapter 20 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Miyanon 
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.28.2006 | Updated On: 01.28.2006 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.9K | Visits: 235 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.28.2006 | Updated On: 01.28.2006 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.9K | Visits: 235 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will
****
Miyanon: Hi guys! Welcome back to another chapter of Onnafied! Anyway, B&B are back in the intro once again! *glances at them and gawks* You guys are still playing poker?!
Bejita: *grins* But of course. It's the favorite pastime in hell!
Miyanon: Have you even stopped since the last time we signed off?
B&B: *sweatdrop nervously*
Miyanon: *snatches the cards away* Give me those! Go find something else to do! Poker addicts! You're well on your way to becoming excessive gamblers!
Bejita: Hey! We don't gamble!
Miyanon: *points* Then what about those chips?
Bejita: Dockers always makes me give back the chips and vice-versa. He insists on it, the angel. *snickers*
Bardock: *twitches and huffs* Well excuse me for not wanting to get in trouble for gambling.
Miyanon: But don't you want to get in trouble?
Bardock: Well yes, but not for gambling. I don't get sent to hell just rehabilitated. And I do NOT want to get sent to one of their "Special" Centers. *shivers*
Miyanon: *frowns* What in the world's in a Special Center?
Bardock: I don't want to know. The last person I saw come out of it turned into a perfect saint. He's currently Saint Joe, patron saint of diners.
Bejita: What was he before?
Bardock: One of Frieza's goons. Out of sheer luck he managed to get up to Heaven because he was wearing a rosary.
Miyanon: ...That heaven has the weirdest qualification system I have ever heard of.
Bejita: *ahem* I don't want to seem like the goody-two-shoes, but what about the fic?
Miyanon: Huh? Oh right! Oops.
Bardock: Nice, Miya.
Miyanon: By the way, the questions will be answered after the fic!
****
Mirai cricked his rigid back once more in the hopes of getting that dull ache out of it. Only half an hour ago he managed to actually get out of that awful prostrated position on the floor! He back made a loud 'pop' and at once the tension eased in his spine. Then he turned back to the business at hand.
The love letter.
He spent the ENTIRE day yesterday trying to get a hold of either Kayka or his mother, but for some reason he just couldn't find them! It was as if they were avoiding him, but that wasn't possible without him at least catching an eyeful of them, which he didn't! Not only that but he spent the better part of the morning hunched over on the floor unable to move for God knows what reason!
Life was just so damn frustrating!
Mirai patted his shirt where the scented note was hidden, making sure that it was still there. With a sigh, he thought that there wasn't anything left for him to do, but confront his father himself. It sure as hell wasn't going to be pretty, seeing as the letter was supposed to be PRIVATE. He'd have to beat his father to the punch... literally!
He searched for his father's ki and found it off the way towards the center of the city. Frowning he wondered why his father would be over there. Uh oh, Kayka was right next to him! Drat! He was going to have to separate them somehow and get his father off on his own!
"Well, no time like the present," the teenager muttered to himself, readying himself to fly off in the direction of his father's ki and dreading the encounter that was inevitably to come.
...Then again, maybe he should wait until they got back...
...yeah...
****
Shoppers were already frequenting Paris Lane in the early, rosy morning, the night-lights of the many designer shops just going out. The pink- bricked sidewalk ran along the pastel colored doors for blocks upon blocks, decorated every couple of yards by caste iron, green lamp poles.
A few years back, the project engineers of West City decided that it would be a good idea to bring the colorful essence of Europe into the Asian continent. Due to lack of planning and funds, what West City got instead was the essence of Disneyland. But no one really minded, so they just decided to leave it like that.
Now Goku and her prince slowly walked together side by side down the busy shopper's boulevard, the former quickly becoming more and more uncomfortable with the looks that the majority of men are giving her.
She whispered to her companion, "Geta. People are doing it again," thinking back to the time that they went together to Grand Kai's planet.
Vegeta looked around and his possessiveness flared when he saw what exactly the younger saiyajin was talking about. His eye twitching like mad, he immediately linked his arm in Goku's somewhat a bit harder than he should. Oblivious, she said gratefully, "Thanks Geta."
Offhandedly, the ouji said, "You know, it's not a bad thing to be noticed." Meanwhile he was giving some of the poor single blokes, 'Look at her and die' looks.
Goku frowned, "How is it a good thing?"
The ouji fumbled for an explanation, blushing slightly. "Ah, well. It means that you're an attractive woman and men are interested in se- getting to know you better!" he amended quickly.
"That's so shallow."
Vegeta made a small huff, "Oh please. You can't tell me you haven't looked at anyone like that."
A light blush came onto the younger saiyajin's face, "Well... maybe one person..."
"Oh?" the ouji said curiously. "Not that harpy wife of yours, right?"
"Eh?! Oh, no! I mean yes!" The blush on her cheeks became darker, "Ah dammit!"
"I'll take that as a no," Vegeta chuckled. "So who?"
"I'm not telling!" Goku cried indignantly.
The ouji merely grinned and thought to himself, {Maybe it's me.} Then his face fell, {Then again, maybe it's Mirai.} Frowning he wondered how he knew that Goku was his soulmate anyway. Well, there was that freaky dream.
{But one erotic dream can't count for everything can it? Well, if she had the same dream then that would prove we are soulmates. If she didn't...} he paled, {I would have to performed Shisok'ten.} Gods, he did not want to do that! He shivered at the thought involuntarily.
{Too late though. I already blabbed to Bulma. That was so stupid!} he thought angrily to himself. {Well, she wasn't saiyajin so it didn't really count did it? But she reacted so violently! Might as well have been a saiyajin. Wait... if I just don't ask Kakarot about the dream thing, then I'd be fine.}
Then he chastised himself, {Dammit! That's just being cowardly!} He still did NOT want to do Shisok'ten though. {I'll lose my honor over this if I don't ask!} He looked down at his pants. {But I might lose my manhood if she says no!} Again, another shiver.
"Dammit!" he cursed violently. Goku gave him an odd look for that completely random statement. But before she could comment, Vegeta demanded, "Did you have any funky dreams last night?"
The younger saiyajin frowned in slight confusion and looked up in thought. "You know... I think I did, but I don't remember."
Vegeta twitched and muttered to himself, "Beautiful." Well, at least his manhood was safe... for now...
They drifted back into silence, brushing past many window shoppers on the brick sidewalk. While they were walking, Goku's eyes trailed to a certain shop's display window, so obviously that Vegeta looked to see what had caught her interest.
It was a pastel green pet store, the name "Swenward's Pets" written in bright red and yellow charlesworth lettering on the window. The display case held animals of all sorts: puppies, kittens, a tortoise, a parrot, a couple parakeets and some furry fuzzballs that he'd never seen before. Vegeta was unnerved by their red eyes. {What in the world does she see in there?} He ignored it for now.
Finally, they reached their destination. A petit, old style café out in the open air surrounded by gardens and a fountain, isolating it from the bustling boulevard. It looked quite popular with many of the couples in the city. Goku instantly became uneasy at the sight of it. She looked up at the cast iron sign hanging from a lamppost.
'The Valentine Café'
She gulped nervously, "Uh...Vegeta, what are we doing here?"
The ouji responded calmly, "Bulma took me here a lot." Then he quickly added, "They have a good brunch here." He cursed mentally, thinking that he made it sound like some sort of excuse. Why would he need an excuse to bring her here?! "What's wrong with it anyway?"
Goku said quickly, raising her arms defensively, "Oh! No! Nothing! It's perfect!" She just didn't have the heart to tell him she didn't... exactly feel comfortable here. Vegeta looked so eager to bring her here.
However, she felt an odd sort of tension when the Maitre D led the duo over to a quiet Japanese set bungalow over near the fountain and gave them menus. The table looked like it could seat twelve. Obviously, Vegeta had been here a lot. She sat Indian style on the padded cushions and looked around her surroundings again.
There was something slightly... magic about the English/Japanese garden surroundings. The many couples making out really wasn't helping either... Well, she wasn't going to hurt the oblivious ouji's feelings just because this place made her feel funky, she thought to herself with determination.
However, the oblivious ouji was feeling just as nervous about his environs as the oblivious younger saiyajin. {Oh God, what possessed me to bring her here?!}
There was definitely something extremely funky about this place and he knew it.
95% of the people who ate here, rented a room in a hotel afterwards, most of them going to the deluxe resort that just happened to be across the boulevard. It just wasn't normal! But he also dearly did not want to be part of that 5% that DIDN'T get a room.
He mumbled incoherent curses under his breath, while Goku busied herself with the foreign tongued menu. This courting thing should be a piece of cake! They're the last two saiyajins alive. They're man and woman. And not only that but they're soulmates for crying out loud! ...Or... at least they should be... He also didn't catch what the other saiyajin just said.
"What was that Kakarot?"
"I asked what you were getting, Geta," the younger saiyajin smiled, hiding her discomfort.
For some reason... His mind went completely blank...
He hastily scrambled for the first thing he could think of, "FISH!" Wait a sec...Fish for brunch?!
Goku grinned, "Oh wow! I guess you do like fish after all! Okay! I'll have what you have then!"
Vegeta laughed nervously, "Uh, right." His eyes quickly scanned the whole menu and they widened in alarm. There wasn't a single dish of seafood on the whole menu. He visibly paled. Oh no, now what?! He couldn't possibly just say they didn't have fish after saying that he was going to get it! He'd look like a complete idiot!
The younger saiyajin asked in alarm, "Geta? Are you okay? You look like you're going to faint."
The ouji shrugged it off, "It's nothing. I'll just uh... I need to go to the bathroom! Be right back!" Without another word, he ran off to the bathrooms near the entrance of the café, hidden from Goku's view. However, he never got to the bathroom. He went over to the Maitre D instead.
Maitre D smiled as the ouji approached, "Ah, Mr. Briefs. How may I be of service? Are you having a good time with your mistress."
Vegeta tensed up immediately and yelled, "It's Oujisama, damn you! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not married to Bulma Briefs!...And Kakarot's not my mistress!"
The annoying man merely smiled, "Whatever you say sir. Now how may I help you?"
"I need fish," the ouji muttered grudgingly.
Maitre D instantly paled, "Why sir! We never serve fish! Especially not in the quantity that you usually desire! We've never brought fish into our kitchens before! The cooks wouldn't know what to do with it!" Vegeta brought out a wad of money, all of the bills picturing good ol' Benny. Maitre D grabbed it and bowed respectfully to the ouji, "I'll see what we can do Mr. Oujisama."
Vegeta smirked, "Better."
****
Meanwhile, hidden in the bushes near the Japanese bungalow that the younger saiyajin was occupying, the two busybody, Otherworldly fathers were spying on daughter and future-daughter-by-bond. Bejita was out of Bulma's body and back into his metaphysical form. Bulma happened to be dumped in a closet at Capsule Corps until she woke up from the Holy Water demon exorcism.
Bardock frowned as he watched Goku humming to herself waiting for Vegeta to come back. "What kind of date is he?" he sneered disapprovingly. "Soulmates aren't supposed to just leave their dates alone in a strange place like this."
Bejita just made a tired, "Hn," and leaned against a tree.
"Soulmates aren't supposed to have fish for breakfast either! How stupid is that?!" Bardock felt like ranting. He didn't know why. Probably because he was thoroughly ticked off that his daughter was stuck with the ouji no matter what he did. "And WHY in the world is her soulmate spending so much time in the bathroom?!"
"Bardock, will you just stop bitching about it already?!" The ou snapped irritably.
Only then did the angel notice how flushed and pale that his friend looked. He gave him a worried frown, "Beets, are you okay?" Come to think of it, the ou hadn't been looking too well since he poured that Holy Water on Bulma and freed him.
The ou coughed and fell onto his bottom, still leaning against the tree. He was all right before, but there was something about this place was made him feel really, REALLY funky. "Dockers...I don't...feel too good," he declared before he unceremoniously fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.
"BEJITA!!"
****
Oblivious to the Otherworldly beings as ever, Vegeta finally makes his way back to the bungalow, glad he got the whole fish thing sorted out with one simple word. Bouillabaisse. Okay, maybe it wasn't that simple. Hell, he couldn't say it with the right accent himself, but it WAS one word. Or was it?
Pondering over the randomness of his mind, he sat right back down in the seat he left and smiled at the person in front of him, "Hello again, Kayka."
"Oh hello dearie!"
Vegeta's eyes bulged out before he- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -screamed...
Auntie Mae smiled gently, as though she never heard the wail of pure, deep threaded terror that the ouji just emitted, "But I do believe you have my name wrong. It's Auntie Mae, dear."
Vegeta visibly cringed away from her, backing up into the bungalow's waist high ledge, which kept him from falling off of the elevated area. "What have you done with Kayka?!" he demanded fiercely.
"I'm over here, Geta."
The ouji gave another shriek when the voice came from right beside him. Goku looked ready to go into laughing fits, he noted resentfully. He didn't even notice her there!
*
Bardock would have commented, "What kind of soulmate doesn't even notice his counterpart?! He doesn't act like a soulmate at all! How do we know he is one?!" if he wasn't trying to rouse the unconscious ou.
At which Bejita would have said, "You better hope he is or he'll have to perform Shisok'ten," if he wasn't unconscious.
Bardock would have said, "I wouldn't mind," if not for the reason stated above.
Then Bejita would have smacked him repeatedly over the head, again if he wasn't unconscious.
*
"What are you doing here?!" the ouji demanded, glaring at the elderly woman. Goku gave him a disapproving look at his tone.
Auntie Mae said cheerfully, "Oh I was just passing by and I saw your mother- " Vegeta twitched, "-and I decided that I just had to come by and say hello! I didn't think I'd see you here!" She pinched the ouji's cheek to his horror, "You're just as cute as ever!"
{Is she completely blind?!} he mentally screamed at himself. {And why can't she stop touching me?!}
"By the way, is your husband here?" Auntie Mae asked Goku.
Blushing furiously, the young saiyajin muttered, "Uh... he's not here..."
"Oh that's too bad. I really envy you young folk though. You look so good together!" Vegeta's hands shook uncontrollably as he kept himself from strangling the old woman.
Laughing nervously, Goku sweatdropped, "Uh sure..."
****
Bardock shook his ou repeatedly, not daring to use any more heaven spells on him that might make him any sicker. Bejita wasn't looking any better at all. What the heck was he supposed to do, bring him to a Hell hospital?! Well... Queen Ruby probably knew what to do...
Then to his relief, his friend started to stir, groaning as his ebony eyes started to open.
The angel gave a breath of relief and grinned, "Jeez, you really scared me there, Beets."
Bejita winced as he sat up and leaned himself against the tree. "What the heck happened?" he demanded softly.
Bardock shrugged, "I have absolutely no idea." Heat exhaustion maybe. I don't know how a demon from hell can be affected by heat, but it's either that or the Holy Water." Then he muttered, "Damn that Holy Water! I should have never used it!"
Suddenly, the angel was smacked across the face. Bejita chastised him, holding an accusing finger in front of Bardock's face, "Don't damn anything Dockers! Especially not Holy Water!"
Bardock blinked several times, staring at the offender incredulously. "Beets... Did you just bitchslap me?!"
Bejita stared at his hand in horror, "My God! I did! What came over me?!" At once the angel started to relax... That is, until the demon cried, "How could I have done something so violent?!"
"WAK!!" The angel stumbled over his footing and feel to the grassy floor. He quickly recovered and started shaking the ou like mad, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BEJITA?!"
The demon just shrugged out of the angel's grip, "Nothing is wrong-" Suddenly he looked past their hiding place the bush and gazed out into the open air café filled with the loving couples. "-with me..." he finished weakly. He crawled over by the bush and peeked out of it to get a better look. He grabbed his friend's robe to pull him over and he said in a sort of enwrapped awe, "Bardock! Do you see that?!"
Frowning, the angel followed the demon's train of sight. "...Bejita, I don't see anything."
This time the ou cupped Bardock's head in his hands and made him look at a loving couple making out over by the fountain. "Okay, now what do you see?"
Bardock shook himself free from Bejita's grip, "I see that you've gone completely off the deep end!!"
Grinning a manic smile, the demon declared, "Far from it! My mind has never been clearer!" He stood up and declared, "I HAVE FOUND MY CALLING!!" Fortunately for Bardock, nobody could see them... But from the expressions that the people were giving, they could definitely hear them.
After shielding their voices with a spell, Bardock pulled Bejita back down into the bushes and said in a hushed yell, "You HAVE gone insane!!"
Bejita said excitedly, "No! Don't you see! I shall become... the Patron Saint of RANDY!!"
Blinking several times, the angel cried out in disbelief, "You?! A saint?! What do you want to be a saint for?! Why do you want to be a saint anyway?!" Then it hit him.
The Holy Water! It made him holy! At least temporarily. Oh damn...
"Well this is a fine mess," the angel muttered. "We have an evil angel and a holy demon. But what the heck is Randy?!"
A sadistic grin came to the ou's face. "Perhaps a demonstration would be nice." He clambered out of the bushes, wielding his pitchfork like a baton as he sauntered over to a lonely couple over near some rose bushes. Once he got behind the brown haired girl he turned, still grinning a manic smile. Bardock quickly stumbled after him, nearly tripping over his robe.
Suddenly, Bejita bonked the brown haired girl over the head with his pitchfork, yelling, "And I dub thee RANDY!" and Bardock emitted a cry of horror. Okay, maybe he was an evil angel. But he wasn't quite THAT evil.
"BEJITA! WHAT IS UP WITH THE RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE?!"
The ou grinned, "Random act of violence NOT! Random act of love YES!"
"Huh?"
Bejita waved a hand towards the slightly twitching girl. "Observe." All at once the girl's eyes formed into big bubbly pink hearts and she lunged for her date, instantly playing tongue hockey with him. Not that her date really minded.
The angel gave his ou a very confused look. So much so that he looked like an exact copy of male Goku. Bejita burst into laughter at the look of him. The angel said weakly, "So that's supposed to be Randy?"
"Yup!" the ou beamed.
"...So...what is it?"
"RANDY! AKA horny."
Bardock's eyes bulged, "Horny?!" The ou nodded. His friend trembled into overwhelming disbelief. "Wait a sec... Let me get this straight. You want to be... THE PATRON SAINT OF HORNINESS?!"
"It is MY CALLING!!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR CALLING?! H-HEY!!" Bejita started walking off towards the bungalows, twirling his pitchfork, and dubbing random people Randy along the way. Bardock yelled, "BEJITA, SAIYAJIN NO OU!! COME BACK HERE BEFORE YOU COMPLETELY EMBARRASS YOURSELF!!"
Extreme panic was left in the demon's wake and as the angel followed, he idly wondered whether the Holy Water really made Bejita holy or just completely insane. It was then, to his horror, that he realized that Bejita was heading right for the Japanese bungalow that Goku and Vegeta occupied. He whispered, "Oh no... BEJITA!! DON'T YOU DARE!! DON'T YOU DARE OR ELSE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!"
Bejita called back, "Dockers, shame-shame! You should know that love is indiscriminate!" Smiling devilishly, he neared the bungalow's elevated entrance and hopped up the steps. Before the angel could stop his, Bejita whacked his victim over the head, declaring, "AND I DUB THEE RANDY!!"
Bardock screamed in horror, until he realized... exactly who the participants of the resulting kiss were...
****
{OH MY GOD!!!} Vegeta's mind was going on the blink as he realized what was happening. Only a couple seconds before he was in his own naïve happy little world, watching the panic in the café with a sense of hilarity of the situation. Suddenly, it was all shattered into a world of ultimate humiliation, doom, and chaos.
HE WAS BEING KISSED BY A MONSTER THAT HAD TO BE 2000 YEARS OLD!!! {HOLY CRAP!! SHE'S TRYING TO TONGUE ME!!!}
Instantly he pushed Auntie Mae off of him and ran to the bathroom, screaming in agony at the top of his lungs. However, in his panic, on the way he accidentally ran himself into a tree and knocked himself out.
Unknowingly, he had slammed Auntie Mae's head against the ledge and she reverted straight back to normal. Shaking herself out of the daze, she stared after the ouji with wide, horrified eyes. With a gasp she covered her mouth, "Oh no! What have I done?! How could have I done such a thing to a poor child?!" She kept on talking to herself like that, chastising herself ferociously for doing something so completely insane.
However, she didn't stop to notice the unnatural change of mood in the younger saiyajin's face...
****
After recovering from his fits of laughter that was threatening to tear his metaphysical body apart. He soon stopped laughing when he realized that his daughter's eyes had gone completely red. He blinked a couple times and said, "Okay, that is...really creepy."
Bejita merely grinned, "It's all part of my master plan."
"Master plan? ......MASTER PLAN?!" The angel pointed an accusing finger at the demon, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU DIDN'T GO NUTS!! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR INTERFERING IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP MORE!!"
Frowning, the ou said calmly, "Really Dockers, you're going to lose your voice from yelling so much. And what do you mean interfering in their relationship? My master plan is to spread the love among the young people in the mortal realm today."
Bardock twitched, looking like he was on the verge of losing it. "Beets, you do realize that love and lust are two completely different things, right?"
Bejita blinked and frowned in confusion, "What in the world are you talking about?" The angel promptly lost his footing and fell to the ground. Once he got up, he realized that the ou was going off on a Randy rampage again and that his daughter had left in a furious rage, leaving a confused old woman behind and dragging an unconscious ouji out by the collar. Hanging his head he groaned, "Why me?"
****
Goku was upset.
No, upset was an understatement.
She was a plethora of agonizing emotions all rolling within her at once, threatening to tear her sanity apart. Anger, indignation, horror, grief, jealousy, fury, confusion, envy, rage, repulsion; all were boiling within her stew of emotions. And yet beneath it all was something so irrefutable, so strange that she hardly knew it for what it was.
She also didn't understand what was going through her mind. Jealous? Why in the world would she be jealous?! But it was true. When she saw Auntie Mae kissing Vegeta all she knew then was that she wanted to strangle the life out of that woman.
It was ridiculous.
But true.
She dragged her ouji outside onto the brick pavement, almost glaring at him accusingly for what happened. Many people brushed past her as they quickly made their way across the street towards the 'VALENTINE RESORT - HOTEL'. She watched them go in bitter resentment and prepared to IT back to Capsule Corps.
Then she heard odd echoes coming from the packed café. As if the screams were smothered by a wall.
~I DUB THEE RANDY! AND THEE! AND THEE! AND THEE!~
~NO! BEJITA! STOP IT!~
~AND THEE! AND THEE!~
~SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!~
Screams of chaos ensued. More and more people were going for people that they have never seen before.
~ACK! NO! BEJITA, DON'T DO IT TO ME!!!~
Goku stared at the café, blinking in confusion, before slowly bringing two fingers up to her forehead and ITing back to Vegeta's room in Capsule Corps.
Meanwhile, inside the café, amidst the confusion of the randiness, Auntie Mae had been 'Randied' once again, and she lunged for the closest man to her. After the kiss she pulled away at once and apologized profusely, "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I didn't mean to!"
Then a deep throated voice said, "Actually... I kind of enjoyed it."
Auntie Mae's eyes widened once she got a look at the man she had kissed. A graying distinguished man that looked every part a rich college professor.
At once they joined hands and left the café to walk off into the sunset together.
****
A few hours later...
Vegeta's heavy eyes opened to stare at a creamy white ceiling. He felt that his body was... covered with some sheets? And he had his pajamas on? He was in bed?
Well that makes sense. That whole Auntie Mae thing had to be one horrific nightmare! He sighed a breath of relief and sat up, trying to shake off his blurry sleep derived vision.
Then he noticed in his blurry sight that a long haired someone was sitting by his bed, watching over him.
Kakarotto... He smiled, his hand going to stroke her face. Then something occurred to him.
Kakarotto didn't have purple hair...
With a shriek he drew his hand back, and smacked himself in the face to fully wake himself up. Mirai watched him with a slightly amused look. "Good morning, Dad."
Vegeta turned furious, glaring at his son accusingly. He demanded, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!"
It was then that his son held up a creamy envelope with green lettering in HIS handwriting. The ouji's face flushed as he stared at it. "W-what do you have there?" he asked, even though he knew very well what it was.
Mirai flicked it over to him, all the amusement on his face gone instantly, "Why don't you read it?"
Catching the letter, Vegeta opened it up to look at its contents. He mentally turned green with disgust. {Holy- What ever possessed my father to think I would ever write something this mushy?!}
Then he saw Mirai's eye on him again, and he gently set the letter aside on his bed-stand. "So..." he started, "it finally comes to this."
He threw his blanket off of himself and onto Mirai. Then he took an offensive fighting position, glaring at his won through hateful eyes. "I like you boy, but I'm going to have to take you down."
Mirai quickly threw the blanket off only to be given a hard punch right to the jaw. He cried out as he was thrown to the wall and pinned there with a hand to his throat. His father was looking at him like he was the vilest scum on Earth.
"Father..." he managed to choke out.
"Don't give me that!" the ouji snarled ferociously. "What makes you think that you have more right to Kayka than I do?! What makes you think you can take her away from me?!"
Then Vegeta's voice started to crack to his own dismay. "You have no idea... You have no idea how badly I want her! How I need her!" He sucked it in and growled, "I love her... It's to a point where I would do anything for her. So like hell I'm just going to let you waltz in on all the work I had to go through AND LET YOU TAKE HER AWAY!!"
The teenager gave his father wide frightened eyes, as those fingers tightened around his throat. He whispered out harshly, "F-Father, I..."
Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he sneered, "Go on, boy. Say it."
"I-I just wanted to say...Congratulations..."
Instantly he was dropped onto the ground. His father stood over him in a gloating manner. "I knew that you'd give up in the end!" Suddenly Mirai kicked him in the shin. Vegeta gave a harsh cry and hopped onto his bed, holding his leg and glaring at his future teenager.
"You are such an idiot!!" Mirai cried out. "I never loved Kayka like that in the first place!"
An awkward silence ensued.
Vegeta blinked several times, still holding onto his leg. Then he said quietly, "E-excuse me?"
Mirai muttered, "Dammit. I thought you'd be mad because I read a private letter. But I NEVER expected anything like THAT!" He kept rubbing his throat were his father's hands had left red skin.
"So...you never liked Kayka..."
"Never the way that you do!"
The ouji frowned in confusion as he looked over all the past events that made him think such a thing. "Are you sure?"
Mirai stared at him and then cried in exasperation, "YES! I'M SURE!!"
Vegeta scratched the back of his head and muttered, "Well I'll be damned." He suddenly grinned so unnaturally that Mirai got creeped out looking at him. "Then I suppose I owe you an apology!"
"You're really going to give me one?" Mirai asked in excitement.
"Heck no! But it's the thought that counts!"
His son sweatdropped, "Yeah...sure..."
Feeling more cheerful than ever before, Vegeta asked, "So you really wanted to congratulate me?"
"Actually I just wanted to figure out if you really did like her the way you said in that letter. I guess I found out the hard way!" Mirai chuckled, then patted his father on the back, "So I reiterate! Congratulations! 'Bout time I figured."
The ouji frowned, "How do you figure that?"
"Haven't smelled sex on you for months. And I don't think it's because you're incompetent."
Vegeta visibly drooped and he cried, "That's exactly what Kakarot's eldest said!" He shook his head and stood up. "Something is really up with you demi-saiyajins. But at least I can get on with my courting in peace at last!!" he declared loudly.
He was about to leave his room to do just that when Mirai said quietly, "Uh... you might not be able to quite yet."
Turning to look at his son suspiciously, the ouji asked, "And why not?"
"Kayka's mad at you."
"She's been mad at me before," Vegeta said offhandedly.
Mirai shook his head slowly. "Nuh uh. I don't think so. I mean she is really, REALLY mad."
"Well whatever for?!"
Shrugging his son answered, "I dunno. Ever since you got back from that café, she's been randomly breaking things in sight."
Instantly, the ouji turned as white as a ghost and he said weakly, "C-café? We came b-back from a café?!"
When his son nodded, Vegeta felt himself suddenly going lightheaded. Then he fell on the floor in a dead faint.
Mirai just sweatdropped.
****
END PART TWENTY
Miyanon: Whew, that took MUCH longer than I thought that it would.
Bejita: *flatly* Congratulations. You have made me completely insane.
Bardock: *snickers* It's very entertaining though.
Bejita: Oh sure! I bet you would LOVE to have it happen to you!
Bardock: *rubs in chin in thought* I might actually get promoted in Heaven if that happens. *makes a face* Ick.
Miyanon: ANYWAY, onto the few questions that we have!
To Moonraker One-
Miyanon: Why is what's going is going on? Well what can I say? It all started with Bejita wanting full saiyajin grandkids and Bardock wanting to get kicked out of Heaven. And basically Vegeta falls for the female Kakarot and eventually finds out that he and Goku are soulmates. Or at least he thinks that they are.
Bejita: *grins* I'd like to call it fate!
Bardock: *huffs* In your dreams.
To mkh2-
Miyanon: The binding thing that Ruby was talking about was that red vial that she gave Vegeta in chapter 17, but Veggie decided not to use it. And the letter is currently in Veggie's room! Now as to Goku being offended by the kiss thing? I dunno, that's always a touchy issue with her.
Bejita: Well personally I think that it's because she thinks love is sacred and shouldn't be joked about.
Bardock: *frowns* Why do you always gravitate towards that area? I think that it's because she's so grossed out by it.
Bejita: *stares* You are in complete denial you know that? How can you say that after this chapter?!
Bardock: *indignantly* I am not in denial!
Bejita: Are too!
Bardock: Are not!
Miyanon: *quickly* To the next question!
To CherryShadowZ-
Miyanon: Yes, there actually is some kind ritual involved with soulmates. It's the Shisok'ten.
B&B: *shiver*
Miyanon: Now soulmates are really sacred in saiyajin culture, so it's sacrilegious to even joke about it.
Bejita: *nods* *starts a long spiel about saiyajin culture* Usually if someone says that they're soulmates, the two become mated without any hesitation.
Bardock: Problem was certain saiyajin took advantage of the system to get any mate that they wanted. Saiyajin don't really know what having a soulmate is like until they actually do have one so they usually mate them without question.
Bejita: Therefore, 2000 years ago, Bejita CCLXII decided that he would set up a punishment for anyone who decided to declare that he was a soulmate with someone and really wasn't.
Bardock: Women were killed instantly. Men... uh... lost their manhood... As in... uh...Well...
Miyanon: I think we get the idea, Bardock. Don't strain yourself.
Bardock: *sighs a breath of relief* Oh whew, good. It's too painful to even think about.
Bejita: Yeah...
To Chuquita-
Bardock: *grins* Well my favorite food happens to be Bouillabaisse. It's a nice, very light, fish soup from France. Really good.
Bejita: *raises eyebrow* Okay, Mr. Gourmet. I like sushi, sashimi, pepper steak, and an occasional Philadelphia Steak and Cheese Sandwich. *drools* Philly steak and cheese...
Bardock: ...Rrright... Anyway, Bejita usually wins the poker games. But that's because he cheats! *points at the ou accusingly*
Bejita: *shocked* I do not!
Bardock: You do too! You admitted to it in the last chapter!
Bejita: *looks up in thought* Oh yeah...
Bardock: *shakes head* *mutters* Idiot.
Bejita: *promptly whacks him over the head* Don't disrespect your king!
Bardock: *pouts* I thought we were equals now.
Bejita: NEVER!! At least not until Vegeta and Kakarot mate and you officially become part of the royal family!
Bardock: ...I'm not sure I want to be part of such a nutty family...
Miyanon: Ookay, well enough of that! There has been one question that has been asked since almost the very start of this story! What in the world does Kayka mean?! And the answer is-!
Bardock: *slaps his hand over Miya's mouth* They'll find out eventually won't they?
Miyanon: Well, I guess...
Bejita: *snickers* You're such a chicken, Dockers.
Bardock: *gasp* How dare you!!
Bejita: *grins* Actually, very easily.
Bardock: *balls his hands into fists* You're asking for a fight, aren't you?!
Bejita: Maybe.
Bardock: *crosses arms* Well you're not going to get one! I refuse to sink to your level!
Bejita: *pouts* Awww...
Miyanon: ...You two are so weird... *waves* Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this latest installment of Onnafied! Check out my website for the latest updates in Split Ends the Manga too! And have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Bejita: Happy Thanks-what?
Bardock: *takes him aside* I'll explain to you later, Beets.
****
****
Miyanon: Hi guys! Welcome back to another chapter of Onnafied! Anyway, B&B are back in the intro once again! *glances at them and gawks* You guys are still playing poker?!
Bejita: *grins* But of course. It's the favorite pastime in hell!
Miyanon: Have you even stopped since the last time we signed off?
B&B: *sweatdrop nervously*
Miyanon: *snatches the cards away* Give me those! Go find something else to do! Poker addicts! You're well on your way to becoming excessive gamblers!
Bejita: Hey! We don't gamble!
Miyanon: *points* Then what about those chips?
Bejita: Dockers always makes me give back the chips and vice-versa. He insists on it, the angel. *snickers*
Bardock: *twitches and huffs* Well excuse me for not wanting to get in trouble for gambling.
Miyanon: But don't you want to get in trouble?
Bardock: Well yes, but not for gambling. I don't get sent to hell just rehabilitated. And I do NOT want to get sent to one of their "Special" Centers. *shivers*
Miyanon: *frowns* What in the world's in a Special Center?
Bardock: I don't want to know. The last person I saw come out of it turned into a perfect saint. He's currently Saint Joe, patron saint of diners.
Bejita: What was he before?
Bardock: One of Frieza's goons. Out of sheer luck he managed to get up to Heaven because he was wearing a rosary.
Miyanon: ...That heaven has the weirdest qualification system I have ever heard of.
Bejita: *ahem* I don't want to seem like the goody-two-shoes, but what about the fic?
Miyanon: Huh? Oh right! Oops.
Bardock: Nice, Miya.
Miyanon: By the way, the questions will be answered after the fic!
****
Mirai cricked his rigid back once more in the hopes of getting that dull ache out of it. Only half an hour ago he managed to actually get out of that awful prostrated position on the floor! He back made a loud 'pop' and at once the tension eased in his spine. Then he turned back to the business at hand.
The love letter.
He spent the ENTIRE day yesterday trying to get a hold of either Kayka or his mother, but for some reason he just couldn't find them! It was as if they were avoiding him, but that wasn't possible without him at least catching an eyeful of them, which he didn't! Not only that but he spent the better part of the morning hunched over on the floor unable to move for God knows what reason!
Life was just so damn frustrating!
Mirai patted his shirt where the scented note was hidden, making sure that it was still there. With a sigh, he thought that there wasn't anything left for him to do, but confront his father himself. It sure as hell wasn't going to be pretty, seeing as the letter was supposed to be PRIVATE. He'd have to beat his father to the punch... literally!
He searched for his father's ki and found it off the way towards the center of the city. Frowning he wondered why his father would be over there. Uh oh, Kayka was right next to him! Drat! He was going to have to separate them somehow and get his father off on his own!
"Well, no time like the present," the teenager muttered to himself, readying himself to fly off in the direction of his father's ki and dreading the encounter that was inevitably to come.
...Then again, maybe he should wait until they got back...
...yeah...
****
Shoppers were already frequenting Paris Lane in the early, rosy morning, the night-lights of the many designer shops just going out. The pink- bricked sidewalk ran along the pastel colored doors for blocks upon blocks, decorated every couple of yards by caste iron, green lamp poles.
A few years back, the project engineers of West City decided that it would be a good idea to bring the colorful essence of Europe into the Asian continent. Due to lack of planning and funds, what West City got instead was the essence of Disneyland. But no one really minded, so they just decided to leave it like that.
Now Goku and her prince slowly walked together side by side down the busy shopper's boulevard, the former quickly becoming more and more uncomfortable with the looks that the majority of men are giving her.
She whispered to her companion, "Geta. People are doing it again," thinking back to the time that they went together to Grand Kai's planet.
Vegeta looked around and his possessiveness flared when he saw what exactly the younger saiyajin was talking about. His eye twitching like mad, he immediately linked his arm in Goku's somewhat a bit harder than he should. Oblivious, she said gratefully, "Thanks Geta."
Offhandedly, the ouji said, "You know, it's not a bad thing to be noticed." Meanwhile he was giving some of the poor single blokes, 'Look at her and die' looks.
Goku frowned, "How is it a good thing?"
The ouji fumbled for an explanation, blushing slightly. "Ah, well. It means that you're an attractive woman and men are interested in se- getting to know you better!" he amended quickly.
"That's so shallow."
Vegeta made a small huff, "Oh please. You can't tell me you haven't looked at anyone like that."
A light blush came onto the younger saiyajin's face, "Well... maybe one person..."
"Oh?" the ouji said curiously. "Not that harpy wife of yours, right?"
"Eh?! Oh, no! I mean yes!" The blush on her cheeks became darker, "Ah dammit!"
"I'll take that as a no," Vegeta chuckled. "So who?"
"I'm not telling!" Goku cried indignantly.
The ouji merely grinned and thought to himself, {Maybe it's me.} Then his face fell, {Then again, maybe it's Mirai.} Frowning he wondered how he knew that Goku was his soulmate anyway. Well, there was that freaky dream.
{But one erotic dream can't count for everything can it? Well, if she had the same dream then that would prove we are soulmates. If she didn't...} he paled, {I would have to performed Shisok'ten.} Gods, he did not want to do that! He shivered at the thought involuntarily.
{Too late though. I already blabbed to Bulma. That was so stupid!} he thought angrily to himself. {Well, she wasn't saiyajin so it didn't really count did it? But she reacted so violently! Might as well have been a saiyajin. Wait... if I just don't ask Kakarot about the dream thing, then I'd be fine.}
Then he chastised himself, {Dammit! That's just being cowardly!} He still did NOT want to do Shisok'ten though. {I'll lose my honor over this if I don't ask!} He looked down at his pants. {But I might lose my manhood if she says no!} Again, another shiver.
"Dammit!" he cursed violently. Goku gave him an odd look for that completely random statement. But before she could comment, Vegeta demanded, "Did you have any funky dreams last night?"
The younger saiyajin frowned in slight confusion and looked up in thought. "You know... I think I did, but I don't remember."
Vegeta twitched and muttered to himself, "Beautiful." Well, at least his manhood was safe... for now...
They drifted back into silence, brushing past many window shoppers on the brick sidewalk. While they were walking, Goku's eyes trailed to a certain shop's display window, so obviously that Vegeta looked to see what had caught her interest.
It was a pastel green pet store, the name "Swenward's Pets" written in bright red and yellow charlesworth lettering on the window. The display case held animals of all sorts: puppies, kittens, a tortoise, a parrot, a couple parakeets and some furry fuzzballs that he'd never seen before. Vegeta was unnerved by their red eyes. {What in the world does she see in there?} He ignored it for now.
Finally, they reached their destination. A petit, old style café out in the open air surrounded by gardens and a fountain, isolating it from the bustling boulevard. It looked quite popular with many of the couples in the city. Goku instantly became uneasy at the sight of it. She looked up at the cast iron sign hanging from a lamppost.
'The Valentine Café'
She gulped nervously, "Uh...Vegeta, what are we doing here?"
The ouji responded calmly, "Bulma took me here a lot." Then he quickly added, "They have a good brunch here." He cursed mentally, thinking that he made it sound like some sort of excuse. Why would he need an excuse to bring her here?! "What's wrong with it anyway?"
Goku said quickly, raising her arms defensively, "Oh! No! Nothing! It's perfect!" She just didn't have the heart to tell him she didn't... exactly feel comfortable here. Vegeta looked so eager to bring her here.
However, she felt an odd sort of tension when the Maitre D led the duo over to a quiet Japanese set bungalow over near the fountain and gave them menus. The table looked like it could seat twelve. Obviously, Vegeta had been here a lot. She sat Indian style on the padded cushions and looked around her surroundings again.
There was something slightly... magic about the English/Japanese garden surroundings. The many couples making out really wasn't helping either... Well, she wasn't going to hurt the oblivious ouji's feelings just because this place made her feel funky, she thought to herself with determination.
However, the oblivious ouji was feeling just as nervous about his environs as the oblivious younger saiyajin. {Oh God, what possessed me to bring her here?!}
There was definitely something extremely funky about this place and he knew it.
95% of the people who ate here, rented a room in a hotel afterwards, most of them going to the deluxe resort that just happened to be across the boulevard. It just wasn't normal! But he also dearly did not want to be part of that 5% that DIDN'T get a room.
He mumbled incoherent curses under his breath, while Goku busied herself with the foreign tongued menu. This courting thing should be a piece of cake! They're the last two saiyajins alive. They're man and woman. And not only that but they're soulmates for crying out loud! ...Or... at least they should be... He also didn't catch what the other saiyajin just said.
"What was that Kakarot?"
"I asked what you were getting, Geta," the younger saiyajin smiled, hiding her discomfort.
For some reason... His mind went completely blank...
He hastily scrambled for the first thing he could think of, "FISH!" Wait a sec...Fish for brunch?!
Goku grinned, "Oh wow! I guess you do like fish after all! Okay! I'll have what you have then!"
Vegeta laughed nervously, "Uh, right." His eyes quickly scanned the whole menu and they widened in alarm. There wasn't a single dish of seafood on the whole menu. He visibly paled. Oh no, now what?! He couldn't possibly just say they didn't have fish after saying that he was going to get it! He'd look like a complete idiot!
The younger saiyajin asked in alarm, "Geta? Are you okay? You look like you're going to faint."
The ouji shrugged it off, "It's nothing. I'll just uh... I need to go to the bathroom! Be right back!" Without another word, he ran off to the bathrooms near the entrance of the café, hidden from Goku's view. However, he never got to the bathroom. He went over to the Maitre D instead.
Maitre D smiled as the ouji approached, "Ah, Mr. Briefs. How may I be of service? Are you having a good time with your mistress."
Vegeta tensed up immediately and yelled, "It's Oujisama, damn you! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not married to Bulma Briefs!...And Kakarot's not my mistress!"
The annoying man merely smiled, "Whatever you say sir. Now how may I help you?"
"I need fish," the ouji muttered grudgingly.
Maitre D instantly paled, "Why sir! We never serve fish! Especially not in the quantity that you usually desire! We've never brought fish into our kitchens before! The cooks wouldn't know what to do with it!" Vegeta brought out a wad of money, all of the bills picturing good ol' Benny. Maitre D grabbed it and bowed respectfully to the ouji, "I'll see what we can do Mr. Oujisama."
Vegeta smirked, "Better."
****
Meanwhile, hidden in the bushes near the Japanese bungalow that the younger saiyajin was occupying, the two busybody, Otherworldly fathers were spying on daughter and future-daughter-by-bond. Bejita was out of Bulma's body and back into his metaphysical form. Bulma happened to be dumped in a closet at Capsule Corps until she woke up from the Holy Water demon exorcism.
Bardock frowned as he watched Goku humming to herself waiting for Vegeta to come back. "What kind of date is he?" he sneered disapprovingly. "Soulmates aren't supposed to just leave their dates alone in a strange place like this."
Bejita just made a tired, "Hn," and leaned against a tree.
"Soulmates aren't supposed to have fish for breakfast either! How stupid is that?!" Bardock felt like ranting. He didn't know why. Probably because he was thoroughly ticked off that his daughter was stuck with the ouji no matter what he did. "And WHY in the world is her soulmate spending so much time in the bathroom?!"
"Bardock, will you just stop bitching about it already?!" The ou snapped irritably.
Only then did the angel notice how flushed and pale that his friend looked. He gave him a worried frown, "Beets, are you okay?" Come to think of it, the ou hadn't been looking too well since he poured that Holy Water on Bulma and freed him.
The ou coughed and fell onto his bottom, still leaning against the tree. He was all right before, but there was something about this place was made him feel really, REALLY funky. "Dockers...I don't...feel too good," he declared before he unceremoniously fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.
"BEJITA!!"
****
Oblivious to the Otherworldly beings as ever, Vegeta finally makes his way back to the bungalow, glad he got the whole fish thing sorted out with one simple word. Bouillabaisse. Okay, maybe it wasn't that simple. Hell, he couldn't say it with the right accent himself, but it WAS one word. Or was it?
Pondering over the randomness of his mind, he sat right back down in the seat he left and smiled at the person in front of him, "Hello again, Kayka."
"Oh hello dearie!"
Vegeta's eyes bulged out before he- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -screamed...
Auntie Mae smiled gently, as though she never heard the wail of pure, deep threaded terror that the ouji just emitted, "But I do believe you have my name wrong. It's Auntie Mae, dear."
Vegeta visibly cringed away from her, backing up into the bungalow's waist high ledge, which kept him from falling off of the elevated area. "What have you done with Kayka?!" he demanded fiercely.
"I'm over here, Geta."
The ouji gave another shriek when the voice came from right beside him. Goku looked ready to go into laughing fits, he noted resentfully. He didn't even notice her there!
*
Bardock would have commented, "What kind of soulmate doesn't even notice his counterpart?! He doesn't act like a soulmate at all! How do we know he is one?!" if he wasn't trying to rouse the unconscious ou.
At which Bejita would have said, "You better hope he is or he'll have to perform Shisok'ten," if he wasn't unconscious.
Bardock would have said, "I wouldn't mind," if not for the reason stated above.
Then Bejita would have smacked him repeatedly over the head, again if he wasn't unconscious.
*
"What are you doing here?!" the ouji demanded, glaring at the elderly woman. Goku gave him a disapproving look at his tone.
Auntie Mae said cheerfully, "Oh I was just passing by and I saw your mother- " Vegeta twitched, "-and I decided that I just had to come by and say hello! I didn't think I'd see you here!" She pinched the ouji's cheek to his horror, "You're just as cute as ever!"
{Is she completely blind?!} he mentally screamed at himself. {And why can't she stop touching me?!}
"By the way, is your husband here?" Auntie Mae asked Goku.
Blushing furiously, the young saiyajin muttered, "Uh... he's not here..."
"Oh that's too bad. I really envy you young folk though. You look so good together!" Vegeta's hands shook uncontrollably as he kept himself from strangling the old woman.
Laughing nervously, Goku sweatdropped, "Uh sure..."
****
Bardock shook his ou repeatedly, not daring to use any more heaven spells on him that might make him any sicker. Bejita wasn't looking any better at all. What the heck was he supposed to do, bring him to a Hell hospital?! Well... Queen Ruby probably knew what to do...
Then to his relief, his friend started to stir, groaning as his ebony eyes started to open.
The angel gave a breath of relief and grinned, "Jeez, you really scared me there, Beets."
Bejita winced as he sat up and leaned himself against the tree. "What the heck happened?" he demanded softly.
Bardock shrugged, "I have absolutely no idea." Heat exhaustion maybe. I don't know how a demon from hell can be affected by heat, but it's either that or the Holy Water." Then he muttered, "Damn that Holy Water! I should have never used it!"
Suddenly, the angel was smacked across the face. Bejita chastised him, holding an accusing finger in front of Bardock's face, "Don't damn anything Dockers! Especially not Holy Water!"
Bardock blinked several times, staring at the offender incredulously. "Beets... Did you just bitchslap me?!"
Bejita stared at his hand in horror, "My God! I did! What came over me?!" At once the angel started to relax... That is, until the demon cried, "How could I have done something so violent?!"
"WAK!!" The angel stumbled over his footing and feel to the grassy floor. He quickly recovered and started shaking the ou like mad, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BEJITA?!"
The demon just shrugged out of the angel's grip, "Nothing is wrong-" Suddenly he looked past their hiding place the bush and gazed out into the open air café filled with the loving couples. "-with me..." he finished weakly. He crawled over by the bush and peeked out of it to get a better look. He grabbed his friend's robe to pull him over and he said in a sort of enwrapped awe, "Bardock! Do you see that?!"
Frowning, the angel followed the demon's train of sight. "...Bejita, I don't see anything."
This time the ou cupped Bardock's head in his hands and made him look at a loving couple making out over by the fountain. "Okay, now what do you see?"
Bardock shook himself free from Bejita's grip, "I see that you've gone completely off the deep end!!"
Grinning a manic smile, the demon declared, "Far from it! My mind has never been clearer!" He stood up and declared, "I HAVE FOUND MY CALLING!!" Fortunately for Bardock, nobody could see them... But from the expressions that the people were giving, they could definitely hear them.
After shielding their voices with a spell, Bardock pulled Bejita back down into the bushes and said in a hushed yell, "You HAVE gone insane!!"
Bejita said excitedly, "No! Don't you see! I shall become... the Patron Saint of RANDY!!"
Blinking several times, the angel cried out in disbelief, "You?! A saint?! What do you want to be a saint for?! Why do you want to be a saint anyway?!" Then it hit him.
The Holy Water! It made him holy! At least temporarily. Oh damn...
"Well this is a fine mess," the angel muttered. "We have an evil angel and a holy demon. But what the heck is Randy?!"
A sadistic grin came to the ou's face. "Perhaps a demonstration would be nice." He clambered out of the bushes, wielding his pitchfork like a baton as he sauntered over to a lonely couple over near some rose bushes. Once he got behind the brown haired girl he turned, still grinning a manic smile. Bardock quickly stumbled after him, nearly tripping over his robe.
Suddenly, Bejita bonked the brown haired girl over the head with his pitchfork, yelling, "And I dub thee RANDY!" and Bardock emitted a cry of horror. Okay, maybe he was an evil angel. But he wasn't quite THAT evil.
"BEJITA! WHAT IS UP WITH THE RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE?!"
The ou grinned, "Random act of violence NOT! Random act of love YES!"
"Huh?"
Bejita waved a hand towards the slightly twitching girl. "Observe." All at once the girl's eyes formed into big bubbly pink hearts and she lunged for her date, instantly playing tongue hockey with him. Not that her date really minded.
The angel gave his ou a very confused look. So much so that he looked like an exact copy of male Goku. Bejita burst into laughter at the look of him. The angel said weakly, "So that's supposed to be Randy?"
"Yup!" the ou beamed.
"...So...what is it?"
"RANDY! AKA horny."
Bardock's eyes bulged, "Horny?!" The ou nodded. His friend trembled into overwhelming disbelief. "Wait a sec... Let me get this straight. You want to be... THE PATRON SAINT OF HORNINESS?!"
"It is MY CALLING!!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR CALLING?! H-HEY!!" Bejita started walking off towards the bungalows, twirling his pitchfork, and dubbing random people Randy along the way. Bardock yelled, "BEJITA, SAIYAJIN NO OU!! COME BACK HERE BEFORE YOU COMPLETELY EMBARRASS YOURSELF!!"
Extreme panic was left in the demon's wake and as the angel followed, he idly wondered whether the Holy Water really made Bejita holy or just completely insane. It was then, to his horror, that he realized that Bejita was heading right for the Japanese bungalow that Goku and Vegeta occupied. He whispered, "Oh no... BEJITA!! DON'T YOU DARE!! DON'T YOU DARE OR ELSE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!"
Bejita called back, "Dockers, shame-shame! You should know that love is indiscriminate!" Smiling devilishly, he neared the bungalow's elevated entrance and hopped up the steps. Before the angel could stop his, Bejita whacked his victim over the head, declaring, "AND I DUB THEE RANDY!!"
Bardock screamed in horror, until he realized... exactly who the participants of the resulting kiss were...
****
{OH MY GOD!!!} Vegeta's mind was going on the blink as he realized what was happening. Only a couple seconds before he was in his own naïve happy little world, watching the panic in the café with a sense of hilarity of the situation. Suddenly, it was all shattered into a world of ultimate humiliation, doom, and chaos.
HE WAS BEING KISSED BY A MONSTER THAT HAD TO BE 2000 YEARS OLD!!! {HOLY CRAP!! SHE'S TRYING TO TONGUE ME!!!}
Instantly he pushed Auntie Mae off of him and ran to the bathroom, screaming in agony at the top of his lungs. However, in his panic, on the way he accidentally ran himself into a tree and knocked himself out.
Unknowingly, he had slammed Auntie Mae's head against the ledge and she reverted straight back to normal. Shaking herself out of the daze, she stared after the ouji with wide, horrified eyes. With a gasp she covered her mouth, "Oh no! What have I done?! How could have I done such a thing to a poor child?!" She kept on talking to herself like that, chastising herself ferociously for doing something so completely insane.
However, she didn't stop to notice the unnatural change of mood in the younger saiyajin's face...
****
After recovering from his fits of laughter that was threatening to tear his metaphysical body apart. He soon stopped laughing when he realized that his daughter's eyes had gone completely red. He blinked a couple times and said, "Okay, that is...really creepy."
Bejita merely grinned, "It's all part of my master plan."
"Master plan? ......MASTER PLAN?!" The angel pointed an accusing finger at the demon, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU DIDN'T GO NUTS!! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR INTERFERING IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP MORE!!"
Frowning, the ou said calmly, "Really Dockers, you're going to lose your voice from yelling so much. And what do you mean interfering in their relationship? My master plan is to spread the love among the young people in the mortal realm today."
Bardock twitched, looking like he was on the verge of losing it. "Beets, you do realize that love and lust are two completely different things, right?"
Bejita blinked and frowned in confusion, "What in the world are you talking about?" The angel promptly lost his footing and fell to the ground. Once he got up, he realized that the ou was going off on a Randy rampage again and that his daughter had left in a furious rage, leaving a confused old woman behind and dragging an unconscious ouji out by the collar. Hanging his head he groaned, "Why me?"
****
Goku was upset.
No, upset was an understatement.
She was a plethora of agonizing emotions all rolling within her at once, threatening to tear her sanity apart. Anger, indignation, horror, grief, jealousy, fury, confusion, envy, rage, repulsion; all were boiling within her stew of emotions. And yet beneath it all was something so irrefutable, so strange that she hardly knew it for what it was.
She also didn't understand what was going through her mind. Jealous? Why in the world would she be jealous?! But it was true. When she saw Auntie Mae kissing Vegeta all she knew then was that she wanted to strangle the life out of that woman.
It was ridiculous.
But true.
She dragged her ouji outside onto the brick pavement, almost glaring at him accusingly for what happened. Many people brushed past her as they quickly made their way across the street towards the 'VALENTINE RESORT - HOTEL'. She watched them go in bitter resentment and prepared to IT back to Capsule Corps.
Then she heard odd echoes coming from the packed café. As if the screams were smothered by a wall.
~I DUB THEE RANDY! AND THEE! AND THEE! AND THEE!~
~NO! BEJITA! STOP IT!~
~AND THEE! AND THEE!~
~SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!~
Screams of chaos ensued. More and more people were going for people that they have never seen before.
~ACK! NO! BEJITA, DON'T DO IT TO ME!!!~
Goku stared at the café, blinking in confusion, before slowly bringing two fingers up to her forehead and ITing back to Vegeta's room in Capsule Corps.
Meanwhile, inside the café, amidst the confusion of the randiness, Auntie Mae had been 'Randied' once again, and she lunged for the closest man to her. After the kiss she pulled away at once and apologized profusely, "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I didn't mean to!"
Then a deep throated voice said, "Actually... I kind of enjoyed it."
Auntie Mae's eyes widened once she got a look at the man she had kissed. A graying distinguished man that looked every part a rich college professor.
At once they joined hands and left the café to walk off into the sunset together.
****
A few hours later...
Vegeta's heavy eyes opened to stare at a creamy white ceiling. He felt that his body was... covered with some sheets? And he had his pajamas on? He was in bed?
Well that makes sense. That whole Auntie Mae thing had to be one horrific nightmare! He sighed a breath of relief and sat up, trying to shake off his blurry sleep derived vision.
Then he noticed in his blurry sight that a long haired someone was sitting by his bed, watching over him.
Kakarotto... He smiled, his hand going to stroke her face. Then something occurred to him.
Kakarotto didn't have purple hair...
With a shriek he drew his hand back, and smacked himself in the face to fully wake himself up. Mirai watched him with a slightly amused look. "Good morning, Dad."
Vegeta turned furious, glaring at his son accusingly. He demanded, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!"
It was then that his son held up a creamy envelope with green lettering in HIS handwriting. The ouji's face flushed as he stared at it. "W-what do you have there?" he asked, even though he knew very well what it was.
Mirai flicked it over to him, all the amusement on his face gone instantly, "Why don't you read it?"
Catching the letter, Vegeta opened it up to look at its contents. He mentally turned green with disgust. {Holy- What ever possessed my father to think I would ever write something this mushy?!}
Then he saw Mirai's eye on him again, and he gently set the letter aside on his bed-stand. "So..." he started, "it finally comes to this."
He threw his blanket off of himself and onto Mirai. Then he took an offensive fighting position, glaring at his won through hateful eyes. "I like you boy, but I'm going to have to take you down."
Mirai quickly threw the blanket off only to be given a hard punch right to the jaw. He cried out as he was thrown to the wall and pinned there with a hand to his throat. His father was looking at him like he was the vilest scum on Earth.
"Father..." he managed to choke out.
"Don't give me that!" the ouji snarled ferociously. "What makes you think that you have more right to Kayka than I do?! What makes you think you can take her away from me?!"
Then Vegeta's voice started to crack to his own dismay. "You have no idea... You have no idea how badly I want her! How I need her!" He sucked it in and growled, "I love her... It's to a point where I would do anything for her. So like hell I'm just going to let you waltz in on all the work I had to go through AND LET YOU TAKE HER AWAY!!"
The teenager gave his father wide frightened eyes, as those fingers tightened around his throat. He whispered out harshly, "F-Father, I..."
Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he sneered, "Go on, boy. Say it."
"I-I just wanted to say...Congratulations..."
Instantly he was dropped onto the ground. His father stood over him in a gloating manner. "I knew that you'd give up in the end!" Suddenly Mirai kicked him in the shin. Vegeta gave a harsh cry and hopped onto his bed, holding his leg and glaring at his future teenager.
"You are such an idiot!!" Mirai cried out. "I never loved Kayka like that in the first place!"
An awkward silence ensued.
Vegeta blinked several times, still holding onto his leg. Then he said quietly, "E-excuse me?"
Mirai muttered, "Dammit. I thought you'd be mad because I read a private letter. But I NEVER expected anything like THAT!" He kept rubbing his throat were his father's hands had left red skin.
"So...you never liked Kayka..."
"Never the way that you do!"
The ouji frowned in confusion as he looked over all the past events that made him think such a thing. "Are you sure?"
Mirai stared at him and then cried in exasperation, "YES! I'M SURE!!"
Vegeta scratched the back of his head and muttered, "Well I'll be damned." He suddenly grinned so unnaturally that Mirai got creeped out looking at him. "Then I suppose I owe you an apology!"
"You're really going to give me one?" Mirai asked in excitement.
"Heck no! But it's the thought that counts!"
His son sweatdropped, "Yeah...sure..."
Feeling more cheerful than ever before, Vegeta asked, "So you really wanted to congratulate me?"
"Actually I just wanted to figure out if you really did like her the way you said in that letter. I guess I found out the hard way!" Mirai chuckled, then patted his father on the back, "So I reiterate! Congratulations! 'Bout time I figured."
The ouji frowned, "How do you figure that?"
"Haven't smelled sex on you for months. And I don't think it's because you're incompetent."
Vegeta visibly drooped and he cried, "That's exactly what Kakarot's eldest said!" He shook his head and stood up. "Something is really up with you demi-saiyajins. But at least I can get on with my courting in peace at last!!" he declared loudly.
He was about to leave his room to do just that when Mirai said quietly, "Uh... you might not be able to quite yet."
Turning to look at his son suspiciously, the ouji asked, "And why not?"
"Kayka's mad at you."
"She's been mad at me before," Vegeta said offhandedly.
Mirai shook his head slowly. "Nuh uh. I don't think so. I mean she is really, REALLY mad."
"Well whatever for?!"
Shrugging his son answered, "I dunno. Ever since you got back from that café, she's been randomly breaking things in sight."
Instantly, the ouji turned as white as a ghost and he said weakly, "C-café? We came b-back from a café?!"
When his son nodded, Vegeta felt himself suddenly going lightheaded. Then he fell on the floor in a dead faint.
Mirai just sweatdropped.
****
END PART TWENTY
Miyanon: Whew, that took MUCH longer than I thought that it would.
Bejita: *flatly* Congratulations. You have made me completely insane.
Bardock: *snickers* It's very entertaining though.
Bejita: Oh sure! I bet you would LOVE to have it happen to you!
Bardock: *rubs in chin in thought* I might actually get promoted in Heaven if that happens. *makes a face* Ick.
Miyanon: ANYWAY, onto the few questions that we have!
To Moonraker One-
Miyanon: Why is what's going is going on? Well what can I say? It all started with Bejita wanting full saiyajin grandkids and Bardock wanting to get kicked out of Heaven. And basically Vegeta falls for the female Kakarot and eventually finds out that he and Goku are soulmates. Or at least he thinks that they are.
Bejita: *grins* I'd like to call it fate!
Bardock: *huffs* In your dreams.
To mkh2-
Miyanon: The binding thing that Ruby was talking about was that red vial that she gave Vegeta in chapter 17, but Veggie decided not to use it. And the letter is currently in Veggie's room! Now as to Goku being offended by the kiss thing? I dunno, that's always a touchy issue with her.
Bejita: Well personally I think that it's because she thinks love is sacred and shouldn't be joked about.
Bardock: *frowns* Why do you always gravitate towards that area? I think that it's because she's so grossed out by it.
Bejita: *stares* You are in complete denial you know that? How can you say that after this chapter?!
Bardock: *indignantly* I am not in denial!
Bejita: Are too!
Bardock: Are not!
Miyanon: *quickly* To the next question!
To CherryShadowZ-
Miyanon: Yes, there actually is some kind ritual involved with soulmates. It's the Shisok'ten.
B&B: *shiver*
Miyanon: Now soulmates are really sacred in saiyajin culture, so it's sacrilegious to even joke about it.
Bejita: *nods* *starts a long spiel about saiyajin culture* Usually if someone says that they're soulmates, the two become mated without any hesitation.
Bardock: Problem was certain saiyajin took advantage of the system to get any mate that they wanted. Saiyajin don't really know what having a soulmate is like until they actually do have one so they usually mate them without question.
Bejita: Therefore, 2000 years ago, Bejita CCLXII decided that he would set up a punishment for anyone who decided to declare that he was a soulmate with someone and really wasn't.
Bardock: Women were killed instantly. Men... uh... lost their manhood... As in... uh...Well...
Miyanon: I think we get the idea, Bardock. Don't strain yourself.
Bardock: *sighs a breath of relief* Oh whew, good. It's too painful to even think about.
Bejita: Yeah...
To Chuquita-
Bardock: *grins* Well my favorite food happens to be Bouillabaisse. It's a nice, very light, fish soup from France. Really good.
Bejita: *raises eyebrow* Okay, Mr. Gourmet. I like sushi, sashimi, pepper steak, and an occasional Philadelphia Steak and Cheese Sandwich. *drools* Philly steak and cheese...
Bardock: ...Rrright... Anyway, Bejita usually wins the poker games. But that's because he cheats! *points at the ou accusingly*
Bejita: *shocked* I do not!
Bardock: You do too! You admitted to it in the last chapter!
Bejita: *looks up in thought* Oh yeah...
Bardock: *shakes head* *mutters* Idiot.
Bejita: *promptly whacks him over the head* Don't disrespect your king!
Bardock: *pouts* I thought we were equals now.
Bejita: NEVER!! At least not until Vegeta and Kakarot mate and you officially become part of the royal family!
Bardock: ...I'm not sure I want to be part of such a nutty family...
Miyanon: Ookay, well enough of that! There has been one question that has been asked since almost the very start of this story! What in the world does Kayka mean?! And the answer is-!
Bardock: *slaps his hand over Miya's mouth* They'll find out eventually won't they?
Miyanon: Well, I guess...
Bejita: *snickers* You're such a chicken, Dockers.
Bardock: *gasp* How dare you!!
Bejita: *grins* Actually, very easily.
Bardock: *balls his hands into fists* You're asking for a fight, aren't you?!
Bejita: Maybe.
Bardock: *crosses arms* Well you're not going to get one! I refuse to sink to your level!
Bejita: *pouts* Awww...
Miyanon: ...You two are so weird... *waves* Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this latest installment of Onnafied! Check out my website for the latest updates in Split Ends the Manga too! And have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Bejita: Happy Thanks-what?
Bardock: *takes him aside* I'll explain to you later, Beets.
****