Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Patience ❯ Considerations ( Chapter 12 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Patience By Pixelgoddess

Summary - Vegeta has had his eye on Goku for years, but isn't willing to make the first move. Will either of them bend?

This started out life as a series of one-shots, with required sentences - first 'Why did you stop?', then 'I've been waiting a long time for this' and 'You wouldn't dare.' Now look what has happened - it's taken on a life of its own.

Pairings - oh please - I almost never write anything but Goku and Vegeta. What do you think? Warnings - This is me you are talking about - expect smut and angst, pretty much in equal measure. With enough sap to thin it out. Goku/Vegeta. Sex. Kissing. Smut. Yaoi. (Does everyone know what that means?) And now that the cat is out of the bag - mpreg. A disclaimer too? *sighs* Would I worry about paying my bills if I owned them? Hell, if I owned them, there would have been more naked Saiyans, more sex, Goku would have saved Vegeta, and the prince would have been the one to pound the lizard to a pulp.

Chapter 12 - Considerations

Vegeta leaned against a tree, absently pulling the bark off a broken branch, doing his best not to think about last night's events. He realized he wasn't succeeding though, when he snapped the wood in half in frustration.

He still didn't know what he was doing wrong and Kakarott couldn't or wouldn't tell him what to do to make things right. The fact that he had resorted to asking the Namek for help was a good sign of how desperate he'd become. The conviction he would lose his mate was becoming stronger every day and last night seemed to confirm it.

He looked up when he heard the cabin door open, watching as his mate headed towards him. Apparently Kakarott had managed to upset his friend as well, because the Namek was following behind, calling out, "Goku? Goku! Damn it! Answer me."

Kakarott ignored Piccolo, heading his way. Vegeta couldn't help but notice how tired his mate looked with dark circles under his eyes. Vegeta had witnessed how he'd struggled to remain awake, but Kakarott's body would soon insist on rest whether he wanted to or not.

"Vegeta," Kakarott said quickly, nearly blurting the words out, "I'm leaving."

"What?" Vegeta growled in denial, echoing the Namek's confused mumble. How could this have happened?

"I--" Kakarott began.

This wasn't acceptable - he'd put so much into making this relationship work; he couldn't lose his mate now, "You can't leave!" Vegeta exclaimed, looking at his mate wide-eyed before turning to glare at Piccolo. "What the hell did you do? I thought you were going to help. What did you say to him?" he demanded angrily. If the Namek thought he could get away with this unscathed…

"Vegeta - Piccolo didn't do anything," waving a hand in denial, drawing his attention back, temporarily saving the Namek.

"Then why are you leaving me?" he insisted. How could this be happening?

Kakarott flushed guiltily. "Oh no…no, not like that. I'm taking a break, that's all. It's just for a little while and then. I'll be back," he said, brushing the tips of his fingers against Vegeta's cheek.

"You said you were leaving," he replied softly, embarrassed to hear his voice crack on the word.

"I didn't mean forever," Kakarott said gently, moving closer until their bodies were touching, hands resting lightly on Vegeta's shoulders.

"How long?" he asked quietly, putting his hands on his mate's waist, afraid to let himself feel relieved.

"A few days, that's all. I just need to be alone."

"But you need me," Vegeta said, struggling to hide the desperate tone in his voice. "What if something happens? Who will take care of you?"

Kakarott smiled. "I'll go to the Lookout."

"Will he be there?" he demanded, indicating the silent Namek currently doing his best to be invisible.

"No. Just Dende; he can take care of me if something happens. You do trust him, right?"

Vegeta sighed, recognizing his mate's determination but not understanding it. He could feel Kakarott's affection, so why was he finding everything so difficult? "I still don't understand why you are doing this."

"I just need some time to think… to figure out some things. I'll be back, I promise."

"I'll take you…" he began. Kakarott's ki wouldn't be enough to get there on his own.

"No - I'd rather go alone. I can IT if you'll give me some of your ki."

Vegeta gave in and pulled his mate closer, the palm of his hand over his tailspot. Kakarott sighed and held him tightly, arms wrapped around his shoulders. He stood like that for long minutes, enjoying the feel of his mate's body against his until the baby kicked. He started at the tiny vibration against his body, apparently a signal that Kakarott had enough ki for his journey.

"You're sure about this?"

"It will be okay, Vegeta. Just a few days, I promise."

With that, Kakarott bent to kiss him, and Vegeta couldn't make himself stop wondering if his mate was really kissing him goodbye.

"If you're not back in five days I'm coming to get you," he growled. "I'll carry you back if I have to."

Kakarott grinned. "I'm counting on it."

--------------------------

Goku arrived at the Lookout with a sigh of relief. With how jumbled his thoughts were it was difficult to concentrate on his location. He didn't dare tell that to Vegeta, though - with how protective he'd become he'd have insisted on carrying Goku the entire way. He didn't want that - he already felt bad enough about everything he was putting Vegeta through; it just wasn't right to add that worry to his already growing list.

"Goku?" Dende asked, passing through an archway, "What brings you here? Where's Vegeta?"

"He's home. I came alone."

"I think you should sit down," Dende said, guiding him to a convenient bench. "You don't look very good. I'm surprised Vegeta let you out of his sight."

"He didn't want to," he admitted, gratefully lowering himself down to the seat.

"Hmmm," Dende said thoughtfully, passing his hands over Goku, examining him. "Just what have you been doing to get so out of balance?"

Goku sighed and told him the whole story, too tired to think about censoring it to protect the tiny scraps of dignity he might have left. The nightmares had become too much; he was a wreck and he knew it.

"Of course you can stay here as long as you'd like. It's nice to have visitors - I don't get many."

Goku looked at Dende, remembering the youngster who had come here so long ago. Now he was a tall, slim adult with a peaceful contentment about him that Piccolo could never hope to achieve even with a lifetime of meditation. Earth had desperately needed a new Guardian then, but had it been fair to take him so far from his home and family?

"Do you ever regret it? Becoming Guardian, I mean."

Dende smiled, not thrown by the abrupt change in topic, "Not at all. I think I was very lucky to have met you when I did."

"But don't you get lonely? What about being with your family or finding someone to love?"

"Oh, that's not a problem; Nameks don't fall in love."

"But Piccolo…-" His friend had said he loved him… loved Gohan. How could he be wrong?

Dende looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Piccolo is unique. Due to the unusual circumstances of his birth, he has no brothers and no sire to share with. I doubt he even knew of our existence before coming to the homeworld - he cannot hear us. Fusing with Nail and discovering the existence of kin he cannot understand must have been difficult, and the fading of Nail's personality over time would not have made it any easier."

"I don't understand."

"Nameks can 'hear' each other - feel each other any time we choose, which is why I don't get lonely. To Piccolo we are strangers speaking a language he cannot understand." Dende smiled gently, "Perhaps I shouldn't be telling you this, but I think you need to understand why he is so protective.

"You, Gohan… even Vegeta, although he'd be loath to admit it, are his family. Somehow, at some level, he's bonded with all of you, and as a result has learned to love - something no other Namek has done. The possibility of losing either of you scares him more than he is willing to admit."

"He's never said any of this."

"I didn't think he would. And he'll probably be angry at me for telling you."

"So why did you?" At least it made it easier to empathize with his friend - being different from everyone else was difficult. But Piccolo was just…Piccolo. He couldn't imagine him without his quiet affection.

Dende sighed sadly, "Maybe I shouldn't have. But things have happened recently that have had a profound effect on him which he has found more painful than he expected. When he chooses to tell you, don't judge him too harshly."

"Like what?"

Dende shook his head, "It's better not to pry; he will tell you when he is ready. Now let's see what can be done to help you."

"I don't think there's anything you can do," Goku said miserably, feeling a wave of exhaustion sweeping over him. "I wish I could hear Vegeta the way you can hear your brothers."

"You still can't?" Dende asked, concerned.

Goku shook his head.

"That's not typical. Most tasans would lose the connection with their mate for a month or two as their bodies adjusted, but then it would come back. Granted, most didn't have your ability to feel others besides their mates and family, but I still would have expected you to be back to normal for that."

Goku shrugged sadly, "Nope, nothing."

"Hmmm… Can I try something? I want to touch your mind and see if I can tell what's wrong."

"Okay." He'd do pretty much anything to get back to normal; it felt like there was a huge echoing hole in his head right now.

"I won't pry - it's just surface." Dende brushed cool fingertips over his head and Goku closed his eyes, nearly shivering at the gentle touch. He could feel the healing energy flowing over his skin. He heard Dende take a deep breath and felt some kind of mental push. Goku gasped in surprise.

"Wha--? Who was that?" he asked opening his eyes in shock. He had felt-

"Those were my brothers on New Namek. Your being able to hear them is a good sign."

"Really?" Goku asked, not wanting to get his hopes up. He was miserable being so alone in his head, but he didn't want to count on it and then have everything fall apart. "You can feel them all the time?" he said, feeling a twinge of jealousy. For a moment they were there and he felt better. Dende removed his hand and they were gone.

Dende shrugged, "Anytime I want to." He looked thoughtful for a moment, "But if you can hear them- I have an idea that might work. You plan to be here for a few days, so maybe we could try something. Your dreams--"

"I don't want-"

"Not nightmares. No one dying."

"I don't think I can go through that again," he whispered, hanging his head, ashamed at admitting how much they scared him.

"You won't while you are here. I have a special method of guiding them. It can only be used a few times, but maybe that will be enough." Dende grinned, "And it's kind of against the rules, but for you, it's worth it."

"I don't want you to get in trouble," Goku said hesitantly.

"Don't worry about it. A little grumpy shouting is the worst that could happen and I could use the excitement."

"If you're sure…and you think it will help."

"I think it will. You might find the dreams a little odd - different from what you usually experience, but nothing bad."

-------------------------

"Damn it," Vegeta growled at the little genie, "Get out of the way. I want to see my mate." He wasn't sure why he didn't seem to be able to make himself move him bodily; he suspected the little man was protected by some kind of magic.

"I am sorry, but Mister Goku has requested he not be disturbed by anyone," Mr. Popo said, holding up his hands to pacify him - which made him even more annoyed.

"I want to hear that from him." The past three days had been extremely difficult for him; whatever Kakarott was doing was painfully affecting their link. He was aware of him, but everything was fuzzy and distorted making his head throb. He hated being away from him for so long and wondered sometimes if he'd go mad before Kakarott returned. Couldn't he see him even for a few minutes?

"Vegeta," Dende said approaching them, "Didn't you promise Goku five days? Although I don't think it's fair of you to expect him to be able to resolve his issues in such a short time."

"I don't give a flying fuck what you think is fair!" Vegeta said angrily. "Let me see my mate!"

"Calm down."

Vegeta spun around to glare at Piccolo; he should have known he would be here. "You've got a hell of a lot of nerve; I know this is happening because of you."

"Are you really that insecure?" Piccolo asked, studying him. "Do you sincerely doubt his love for you?"

"No," Vegeta replied, taken aback at the deceptively simple question. "I just…-" He fell silent, refusing to acknowledge Piccolo's dismissal of Dende and Popo. "I'm worried about him," he said once they were gone. "What if he has another nightmare? How am I supposed to protect him like this?"

"Vegeta, I'm glad you care so much about Goku and want to protect him, but he's safe where he is. Dende is helping him - he's given him a potion that will prevent him from having nightmares for a few days. It's only short-term, but at least he's getting a reprieve."

"Drugs?!" Vegeta asked, alarmed.

"Dende would never do anything to hurt Goku or the baby - you know that."

He did trust the Guardian, but just the thought Kakarott would resort to such measures was disturbing. "Have you seen Kakarott?"

"Of course not. Why would he see me if he won't see you?"

Vegeta felt somewhat relieved, but not completely comforted. "What if he's changed his mind? What if he won't come back home?" He wasn't sure why he was even sharing these doubts with the Namek.

"He'll be back with you. Give him time."

"How much time? Just how long am I supposed to give him?"

The Namek shrugged. "I don't know. I hope it isn't too much longer, though."

"What if he never does? What if he's left me forever?" Vegeta said softly, surprised at himself for even voicing these doubts.

"You don't really believe that's possible, do you? Goku will return to you - he has to. It's too important."

"And if he chooses you?" Vegeta asked bitterly. "Then what?"

"That's not going to happen," Piccolo snapped. "I don't love him - not like that. I thought I did, but I was wrong. Now? I want you two to be together. It would make you both happy."

"After all the crap you put me through, now you say you don't want Kakarott? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The Namek scowled, "I don't expect you to understand, but try. I love Goku, but not like you do… I don't think I ever have. I just missed Gohan so much and Goku was there and…"

"Gohan? Did you--?" Vegeta asked curiously. He wanted to believe the Namek, but this change of heart was not something he was used to.

"I wanted…" Piccolo made a resigned shrug. "Nothing ever happened. I never even told him how I felt. I don't want Goku to make the same mistake."

"He says he loves me-" It was Kakarott's word, but he had noticed his mate had become careful in its use.

"But you don't believe it. Even though you claim he is your mate you doubt him."

"Of course I believe it."

"And that's why you are always afraid I could take him away from you," Piccolo said sarcastically.

Vegeta scowled; the Namek had the unsettling ability to get to the core of his doubts.

"Damn it, Vegeta!" Piccolo said angrily. "Get this through your thick skull. He loves you. You belong together. Just because he is having difficulty completing this mating bond with you doesn't mean he is going to leave you for me or anyone else."

He opened his mouth to protest, annoyed at the Namek for speaking to him that way, but before he could say anything Piccolo held up his hand.

"Listen to me," Piccolo said, "I'm only going to say this once - and I shouldn't be telling you this at all but you're so damn pig-headed you have to have it spelled out for you. You two have to be together, if only for Goku's health and safety. He needs you. I know I interfered before, but I realize now I was wrong. He wants you to be his mate - just give him some time to get his head straightened out."

"Kakarott's health and safety?" he asked suspiciously, catching Piccolo's odd phrasing. "What do you know Namek? What aren't you telling me?"

Piccolo shook his head. "I can't, Vegeta. Don't ask me."

Vegeta growled - he'd had enough of this crap. He refused to allow this interference in his relationship with Kakarott to continue. He grabbed Piccolo's throat, and powering up to level two, slammed him back against the wall. "I'm not asking - I'm demanding. Tell me what the fuck is going on."

"And if I don't? What are you going to do, kill me? How are you going to explain that to Goku?" he said, trying without success to pull Vegeta's hand away from his throat.

"I'll think of something," he snarled, drawing ki into his hand. "Don't try my patience. Tell me now or die."

The Namek didn't answer right away, apparently weighing the odds of Vegeta actually killing him as threatened. Fortunately he realized Vegeta wasn't bluffing, saving him the need of explaining his death to Kakarott.

"Tasans should be mated, alright?" Piccolo snapped.

He began to squeeze, "We've known that."

"There's more to it," the Namek stopped fighting to get free and stared at him sadly before closing his eyes in resignation. "Release me, Vegeta… I'll tell you."

He hesitated for a moment before opening his hand. Piccolo slumped back against the wall, rubbing his neck.

"You're not going to like it."

"I already don't like it. Now talk," he commanded.

"We didn't know they had to be mated in order to survive the pregnancy. He's going to die, Vegeta. If he doesn't mate with you he's going to die… and you probably won't survive losing him."

Vegeta felt a chill rush through him. Somehow he knew the Namek was right. During those moments he struggled to pull Kakarott back from death he had felt the emptiness urging him to follow. And unless the gods had changed their minds - highly unlikely - they'd be separated forever. He'd lose everything.

"How long have you known this?"

"Not long… only a few days."

"And exactly when were you planning on telling us?" he asked angrily. The Namek didn't answer, refusing to meet his eyes. "You weren't, were you? What were you going to do? Wait until it was too late? Sweep in like some fucking hero? What?"

"No! Damn it Vegeta, I would never do something like that. I had a good reason for not telling you. I hoped he'd make you his mate because that's what he really wanted, not because he was in danger of dying if he didn't. For all we know it would make things even more difficult for Goku than they already are."

"How long does he have?" Vegeta ground out between gritted teeth. He could hardly contain his anger at the Namek even though he knew in some way the pointy-eared bastard was right. He felt trapped in a nightmare, barely able to believe the simple act of kissing Kakarott had escalated to this.

"I don't know... My…" the Namek hesitated, apparently trying to choose his words carefully. "My source said the risk increases in the third quarter, but didn't have an exact time."

Vegeta stared at him, struggling to process this information. The idea he could lose Kakarott forever… "The second quarter is almost over," he stated, trying to disguise his alarm.

"I know," Piccolo said, his voice so soft Vegeta had to strain to hear.

"How does it happen?" There had to be a way to save Kakarott - there had to.

"Without a mate, the strain on his ki is too much. It will drop too low for him to recover from."

"Then there's no problem. I can give him energy - as much as he needs," he said with some relief. The Namek was making a big deal over nothing. Ki? As a Super Saiyan he had a nearly endless supply of energy; certainly more than Kakarott would ever need during his pregnancy.

"It's not the same. A mated pair shares energy differently. If Goku doesn't make you his mate, even as a Super Saiyan you can't give him what he needs to survive."

"What's different?"

"I don't know," Piccolo said, obviously frustrated. "He couldn't tell me."

"I could lose Kakarott and the baby…?"

"If something happens to him, the only chance of saving the baby is having Goku operated on to put the baby in an incubator."

"Like the Tuffles did?" he asked in disbelief. He could never sink to their level.

"If you don't you could lose the child as well."

"Damn it!" he roared, putting his fist through a wall in angry frustration. "I knew I should have made him get rid of it. I never should have allowed this to continue."

"Vegeta," and he was surprised to feel the Namek's hand resting lightly on his arm. "You know Goku never would have agreed to that. If you had insisted on him having an abortion he would have refused and you would have lost him months ago. Even through all the confusion, Goku has wanted this baby."

"If I had to choose-" Vegeta began.

"I know - you'd rather have Goku."

Vegeta nodded - he'd never tell Kakarott because he knew his mate would never agree, but it was the truth.

"The way you act sometimes," Vegeta said bitterly, "it's hard to believe you are really his friend."

Piccolo took a deep breath before speaking. "He is my friend Vegeta - and believe it or not, so are you. I admit I've made some mistakes through all of this, but I've always had good intentions. I want the best for you and Goku; I don't want to lose either one of you. You're more important to me than you could ever begin to understand."

"You've been an asshole. Everyone always gave you a chance to prove yourself. Would it have killed you to do the same thing for me?"

"I should have… but I was always looking out for Goku."

"And you never stopped to think maybe I was too?"

"I didn't then - I do now."

"Yeah now… now that it might be too late."

"It's not too late. My source said…"

"Who is your so-called source anyway? I want to talk to him."

Piccolo shook his head. "You can't."

"The hell I can't. I want more information. He has to know more."

Vegeta was surprised to see the Namek look regretful.

"Believe me, Vegeta… I really wish you could. It just isn't possible."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because he's dead, alright?!" Piccolo shouted. "He couldn't take being alone and killed himself! Satisfied?"

Vegeta wasn't sure how to react to this outburst; the Namek was rarely this emotional.

"He was a friend?" he finally asked.

Piccolo stared at him for a long awkward moment and Vegeta swore he could feel his eyes piercing him. "Yes. One of the best - although I didn't realize how much until it was too late."

"Did he tell you what I could do to save Kakarott?"

The Namek sighed and shook his head. "No."

"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't just sit by and let my mate die. I have to do something!"

"I don't know what to tell you. Maybe he just needs something to push him into completing the bond. How about some romantic gesture? Flowers or something…"

"You're joking, right? Are you seriously suggesting I give flowers to a Saiyan?" he asked disbelievingly. If this were different circumstances he would have laughed at the suggestion. Why would the Namek even think of doing something 'romantic'?

"I don't know. I'm out of my depth here," Piccolo said, annoyed. "What would convince him?"

"Sure as hell not flowers," he said sarcastically. "It's ridiculous. Saiyans do not give flowers to their mates. A dinosaur carcass would be more practical."

"Then what the hell do they do, Vegeta? Quit fighting me on this. Maybe it's a stupid idea, but I'm trying to help."

"I'll think of something," he said grudgingly. "I won't give up Kakarott without a fight."

"Good. Goku needs you, Vegeta. He'll make you his mate. And I'll do anything to make it happen - even lie to him if necessary."

"You do realize I find that hard to believe," Vegeta said skeptically.

"I know, but it's true. I don't want either one of you to die…I can't go through that again. Annoying as you are, you're my friend, Vegeta."

----------------------------------------

Goku wandered down the village street, trying to decide what to do now. He had been aware of Vegeta outside the door at the Lookout, and by the raised voices knew he was very upset. The prince just didn't understand he wasn't ready to face him yet - he felt like such a failure. Even Vegeta - admittedly not the most sensitive of people - had managed to bond with him. So what was wrong with him that he couldn't complete something so apparently simple?

He'd used up four of his five promised days at the Lookout, but still didn't feel any closer to resolving his problem. Heck, he wasn't even sure what the problem actually was. At least Dende had been able to provide him with a reprieve from the nightmares. He wasn't quite sure what the healer had done, but his dreams had been very different. He could see himself sleeping nearby, and his sleeping self didn't seem to be disturbed by the content of his dreams.

Only a few of his friends and family appeared, but instead of seeming accusing they were friendly and chatty - it was more like catching up on old times. Rather than living and dying before his eyes, they appeared with halos glowing over their heads. Somehow that seemed to put him at ease - he didn't have to worry about feeling them die again.

He'd had a long conversation with Krillin. He felt a huge relief that his friend had been glad to see him and not at all angry. It made him feel better to know the anger Krillin felt at his death was not directed towards him, but towards the terrorists' and their bombs.

And speaking to Gohan again… He'd actually cried when he saw his son standing in front of him strong and healthy. So many of his nightmares had been of him looking sick and frail, angry at Goku and his Saiyan blood for being the cause of his early death. He'd tried to apologize - he wanted Gohan to understand he knew it was his fault and he would have done anything to have prevented his dying, but Gohan just waved it away with a smile.

"It wasn't your fault, Dad. I wouldn't have changed a thing."

"But I-"

"I lived a great life. Had wonderful adventures. Got to meet interesting people. Traveled to other planets. Met gods. Heck, I got to be a superhero and a doctor. How many people get to say that?"

"I thought you were mad at me," he said, embarrassed at the confession.

"Dad… those are dreams. They aren't real. You didn't do anything wrong and should stop blaming yourself. Man," Gohan chuckled, hugging him tightly, "when did you get to be such a worrywart?"

Goku hugged him back just as tightly. Knowing Gohan didn't blame him, if only in dreams, took a huge weight off his mind. He didn't know what he could have done to save his sons, but if there had been something he would have done it, regardless of the cost.

They spent hours talking, catching his son up with the changes in his life. Gohan didn't even seem surprised to learn about him being with Vegeta. Gohan took that well - apparently he had expected it to happen eventually. The pregnancy - which he hadn't told Krillin about - gave his son pause. Goku had been worried about how he'd take it, but after a few minutes, Gohan crossed over to his sleeping body, examining him, his medical interest piqued.

"Strong little thing. You and Vegeta are going to have your hands full keeping up."

Goku grinned. "It's all Vegeta can do to keep up with the energy demand. The way the baby drains my ki I wouldn't be surprised if I give birth to a Super Saiyan."

Gohan smiled back, "I'm glad he's taking such good care of you. But…how do you deliver the baby?"

"Ummm… I have to be cut open," he told him, still feeling queasy at the thought.

"Poor Dad," Gohan said sympathetically. "Who's your doctor?"

Goku shrugged, "I don't have one - just Dende."

"Really? I'll have to talk to him."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Goku glad to know this was not going to warp into a nightmare.

"So is Vegeta a good lover?" Gohan asked with a smirk.

"Gohan!" he said, shocked his son would even ask.

"Just teasing - please don't answer. I used to have a crush on Vegeta…didn't last, but it was fun imagining."

"I didn't know that."

"Neither did he, I hope. He wasn't a nice guy then - I doubt he'd have let me hear the end of it."

"Yeah, probably. What about Piccolo?" he asked, curious how Gohan felt about him.

"What about Piccolo?"

"Did you have a crush on him too?"

Gohan grinned before shrugging, "A bit more than a crush, but since he's a Namek that wasn't going to go anywhere."

"Maybe it could have…he's in love with you."

"Really? I didn't know."

Goku shrugged, wishing he hadn't said anything. What was the point when nothing could be done to get them together now? "Sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Everything always works out in the end."

"How can it work out? You're dead."

"Yeah, but Piccolo's not," Gohan smirked.

Goku shook his head, bemused. Gohan had gotten his optimism from him. If his son believed there was hope, then there was hope.

He finally felt some things had gotten resolved even if he didn't understand how; he had some hope they wouldn't haunt him anymore. Maybe he was finally learning to forgive himself and it was coming out in his dreams. He had to admit he felt some relief at the change - it felt good to have some closure even if it was only in his head.

He knew Piccolo was right; he had to get his head unscrambled and figure out what was wrong with him. He loved Vegeta and wanted him to be his mate; to know how the prince felt was something he had wanted since the moment they first stared each other down on the desert plateaus where they first fought. He had tried to reach out to Vegeta over the years, but he could tell the prince blocked him somehow. It hurt then to realize the prince wasn't interested in even friendship - and now that he was, Goku couldn't hear him. It hardly seemed fair.

He'd finally decided he needed a change of scenery - the Lookout was nice and quiet, but maybe he didn't need quiet. It was almost like he was trying to think too hard. He felt a craving for some fresh fruits and vegetables, so he decided to stop at the village market before going back home.

He couldn't seem to forget the look on Vegeta's face when he told him he was going away. Was he really afraid Goku would leave him? His promise to return in a few days seemed to mollify him but since Vegeta had returned to the Lookout several times over the past few days he wondered if the prince really believed him.

He sighed - for such a proud, confident good-looking man, Vegeta could be strangely insecure at times.

"Goku?"

He stopped and turned towards the source of the voice, smiling when he recognized the village Baba. "Granny Esme, how are you?"

She chuckled, "I'm just fine. But…" she peered at him, adjusting her glasses, "You look plumb tuckered out."

He shrugged, "A little. I've been feeling a little run down lately." Dende had helped, but being away from Vegeta seemed to drag him down even if he was getting more sleep.

"I can see that," she said, prodding him to move in the direction of her market stall. "Sit down," she said, beckoning to a conveniently placed barrel. Granny Esme tossed him an apple which he caught with a nod of thanks. "Talk to me - you haven't come down from that mountain of yours in a coon's age."

"Yeah…I'm sorry. I've been busy and lost track of time."

She smirked and poked him in the chest, "Playing with that hunky boyfriend of yours, I wager."

Goku instinctively covered his belly with his arm at her touch before laughing apologetically, "Yeah, something like that."

"So what brings you down? And where is he?"

"Vegeta's home. I've been away for a couple of days, but I thought I'd pick up some fresh food before I go back. Maybe I'll make him something special to make up for leaving him alone for so long."

"He was here yesterday buying all kinds of vittles. Poor youngster seemed rather bewildered by it all, so I had two of the young-uns take the list and do the shopping for him. I think he was relieved not to have to do it himself."

"Vegeta shopped for food?" Goku was surprised. Just what had the prince been doing with himself while he was gone? Vegeta always seemed content enough with the regular grocery deliveries; Goku was the one who bought special ingredients for his recipes. The prince only made a few things - Goku had been trying to teach him, but Vegeta just didn't seem to be able to relax in the kitchen.

"Sure did. And now you are… did you two have a fight?" She peered at him suspiciously. "When you have a fight you shouldn't run away - you should pick at it until it is solved. And then some hearty sex to make sure you've fixed it good and proper. A roll in the hay is always good for what ails you. I've been married enough times to know that for sure and for certain."

Goku blushed. "We didn't fight - I just needed some time alone to think about things."

"Are you sure you should be alone in your condition?"

"Condition?" Goku asked, confused.

"Well you're pregnant, aren't you? The way you're sitting, the hand on your belly like that…. You're bigger around the middle and I know you ain't the type to sit around and let yourself go. I've seen it before; you bear all the signs. I'll wager you're with child."

Goku felt a surge of panic; how had she figured it out? Was it that obvious? "How did-?"

"I've never known a pregnant man before," she continued, "But if anyone could perform that miracle, it would be you."

"I… uh… yeah," he mumbled, realizing this was yet another thing he'd been avoiding. How would people react?

"Do you know how it happened? Besides sex," she added with a wry grin.

He grinned back, blushing slightly. "I'm a tasan. Some Saiyan men could have babies, and Vegeta and I found out I'm one of them by accident. But I don't think most people are going to be as comfortable with it as you seem to be."

She shrugged. "I'm too old and I've seen too much to care what other people think."

"It's just kind of weird, you know? I mean, I never in my life thought such a thing could happen."

"Is that what you've been worrying yourself over? The baby?"

"No… not really. It's other things. I'm happy about the baby even though it's hard to get used to."

"How does Vegeta feel about it?"

Goku smiled, thinking about how hard Vegeta worked to take care of him. "He's really happy about it even though taking care of me is a lot of work sometimes."

"It's good that you've found someone to care about. You shut down after Chichi died and I was starting to worry. It's not good for someone like you to spend so much time alone. It's right to grieve, but you can't do it forever."

"But how do you do it? How do you keep falling in love after you've lost someone?" Granny Esme had been old when Gohan was born, yet she always seemed to have a boyfriend or husband close at hand. Goku was sure she wasn't with them out of convenience or anything as crass as that, but if something happened to one of them she always seemed to be able to pick herself up and move on.

"Ah, the age old question - and I doubt you'd be content with the flip answer 'Life Goes On.' "

He shook his head. After everything that had happened to him and all the people he had lost sometimes he just couldn't understand how and why life could go on.

She looked at him thoughtfully. "It's a problem for everyone, but it's even harder for people like us. Living longer than just about everyone else takes some adjustment. I would have been dead long ago if I hadn't accidentally drunk some of that potion-"

"Potion?"

She chuckled, "You don't think I come upon these years natural-like, do you? One of the fella's I was dating a long time ago had come across some magic that let you live a long, long time. I think the years weren't kind to him and he became a hermit later on."

Goku stared at her in surprise, wondering if she could have actually known Roshi in his younger days. How many hermits were there that lived long lives?

"But that was a long time ago. I remember him from his younger days; he was quite a partier," she said, smiling at the memory. "I think he was planning on getting me drunk and having his way with me."

Goku blushed; this was definitely more than he ever wanted to know about Esme or Roshi.

"Like he needed to get me drunk - he was a real hunk in those days," she continued, unaware or ignoring his discomfort. "All those muscles… If it weren't for him mixing up the bottles I recon I'd be long gone by now.

"I imagine that's what's troubling you. It's hard starting your second life - all of those memories are fresh and there hasn't been enough time to take most of the pain away. It gets easier though - instead of being afraid of falling in love again and risking being hurt I've found I'm now eager to meet the next person I can love. Everyone's different and I want to experience them all."

Esme finally noticed his blush as he imagined her loving all of those people, and let out a hearty cackle.

"Not sex, you silly child. Although I still enjoy that as well. I meant friends and family as well as lovers and partners."

"But what happens if…What if they die?" he blurted.

"Everybody dies. You. Me. People you know. People you don't know. Lovers. Enemies. Everyone dies eventually. It's the risk that goes hand-in-hand with living."

"I don't want to lose anybody else. It hurts too much."

"So you're never going to be in love again? Or let someone love you? Would you have loved your boys any less if you had known they were going to pass before you? What if Chichi had refused to love you because you were going to die someday?

"Goku, my dear… If you are holding yourself back, refusing to allow yourself to be completely in love, then you are hurting more than yourself. What if a meteor fell right now and killed Vegeta before you could let him know how you really feel? Would you throw away the happiness you could have together because of the remote possibility of him dying? That wouldn't be fair to you or your boyfriend."

"I never thought of it like that…"

She chuckled, "You youngsters always want fresh water without digging a well. Sometimes you have to start a new one - or dig deeper than you thought. Loving someone is always risky, Goku, but imagine how much worse you would feel and how much worse your life would be if you didn't take that chance."

-------------------------------

Vegeta kicked a rock out of his path, realizing with a grimace he had kicked it too hard; it flew through a tree, drilling a hole through the trunk. Kakarott wouldn't be pleased about that - he didn't approve of random destruction of what he considered 'his' woods.

It had been five days now and he kept pushing down the urge to go and bring his mate home. He had considered what Piccolo had said about giving Kakarott time and grudgingly admitted he was right - although not to his face.

He was finding it difficult to deal with the realization that his being with Kakarott might ultimately kill him. He should have made him get an abortion - he should have insisted. Then Kakarott's life wouldn't be in danger.

This wasn't something he was used to - regretting his actions or second-guessing himself. He had always plowed forward, confident in his decisions…until now. But why should he feel guilty, damn it? He had gotten into a relationship with Kakarott for all of the right reasons. He hadn't done anything wrong. So why did he blame himself?

He couldn't even answer that.

He had to follow Kakarott's typical attitude that everything would work out if you just kept at it. He just wished he got the sense his mate felt the same right now.

He scanned around, trying to locate Kakarott's ki, but without success. He was feeling the first twinges of concern at its lack, and tried to convince himself his mate was fine. Vegeta had already been to the Lookout, only to be told Kakarott had left to go to the local village. He'd intended to go there and search the streets until he located his mate, but reluctantly resisted at the memory of Piccolo's words.

The hell with it, he growled, kicking another rock through the tree - this time on purpose. He was going to find his mate. Kakarott needed him; in his condition he shouldn't be left alone for extended periods of time. He needed protection.

Vegeta strode through the woods, barely noticing where he was walking. He and Kakarott had strolled along this same path, his mate pointing out certain plants, describing their qualities. That had been months ago, before it had become a daily effort to help his mate maintain his ki at healthy levels.

He froze.

Kakarott was on his back in the center of a sunlit clearing, arms outstretched and not moving.

TBC