Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Shadows of the Past ❯ Unhealed Wounds ( Chapter 5 )

Unhealed Wounds

Goku watched Vejiita fly away, pressing his lips together and cursing himself. What in the hell had he been thinking?! He felt like smacking himself, his eyes still on the fading point of light that was Vejiita.

When he'd seen the prince's tail, he'd truly been curious, and he'd asked Vejiita if he could see it before he'd realized what he was saying. But then Vejiita's fear had surprised him, and he'd sneered at him for it, knowing that it was the surest way to goad Vejiita into allowing him to touch his tail. And sure enough, the proud Saiya-jin had placed his tail in Goku's hand. The furry appendage had been trembling. Moved, Goku had held the tail very gently, stroking the soft fur just to see what it felt like. And then he had noticed Vejiita's reaction.

He remembered, from when he was a child, that tails were very sensitive, and that it was quite easy to cause great pain by handling them carelessly. He hadn't known about the... other... affect that touching the tail could have, if one was gentle.

Still, he shook his head at himself, swallowing. He should have released Vejiita immediately once he'd realized what he was doing to the other man, but he hadn't. Instead he had ruffled his fur, stroked him more fully, teasing the prince to the point that the man's knees had gone weak and Goku had had to hold him up. But even then he hadn't ended it, Vejiita's moan echoing in his ears as he had slid his mouth up the man's shoulder and neck. He had felt the older man's arousal pressing against him as Vejiita had held onto him, and then, when he had fully stroked Vejiita's tail, the man had arched into him, gasping.

Goku closed his eyes briefly as he turned and began walking slowly back to his house. What the hell had he been doing? Instead of listening to reason and breaking off their contact, he had kissed him. Kissed Vejiita.

He breathed shallowly through his nose, remembering the sensation of their tongues sliding together, of Vejiita's tail slipping from his grasp to wrap around his thigh. Vejiita's hand had tangled through his hair. And then it had seemed that the prince had realized what he was doing, what they were doing, and he'd choked. Then he'd run.

Goku walked stiffly into his house, shutting the door with a little more force than was necessary, a strange tightness in his stomach. He could not believe he had been so stupid as to touch Vejiita like that, to... to actually kiss him. He knew he hadn't been thinking, that he had simply acted on what he was feeling, but he should have had more control than that. Now... he had probably ruined everything.

He sank down at his kitchen table, staring ahead of him blankly. He wondered what Vejiita would do, once the shock of what had happened had worn off. Either the man would avoid him like the plague, or he would come looking for him to try and kill him. He had no reason at all to believe that Vejiita was anything other than straight. Of course he understood how Vejiita had responded to him only a few minutes ago, but that meant nothing. The prince had been distressed, emotionally unstable and extremely insecure. And then Goku had touched him in an area that was clearly an erogenous zone. Anyone might have reacted the same way. And as soon as Vejiita had understood what was happening, he had broken off in horror.

Goku bit his lip, nervously picking at a faint scratch on the table, wishing with everything in him that he could undo what had just happened. The idea of Vejiita ever wanting to become involved with him was ridiculous, but he had at least hoped they could be friends...

A soft sound to his right made Goku look up sharply, muscles tensing, then relaxing again.

His son stood in the doorway, blinking at him sleepily with dark, tired eyes.

Despite himself, Goku found himself smiling affectionately.

Goten's hair was rumpled and even more wild than usual, stray strands sticking out from all over his head. The loose pajama pants he wore to bed were long enough to half-cover his bare feet, his toes poking out of the ends. For a moment he looked much younger than his seventeen years.

Goten rubbed his eyes blearily. "What's happening, Dad? What was that noise? What time is it?"

"It's only four o'clock in the morning, Goten, go back to bed. Everything's fine, I just couldn't sleep, that's all."

"Unnn," his son mumbled, looking like he was thinking hard about what his father had just said. Obviously, he wasn't completely awake. Finally, the boy shrugged, his desire to sleep clearly winning out over his curiosity. "Okee. G'night, Dad."

Goku smiled. "Goodnight, Goten."

Goten shuffled back to his room and his father continued to grin in the direction he had gone for several long minutes, until he remembered what he had been thinking about before the boy had come. His smile faded.

*****

Vejiita landed unsteadily on the beach, staring blindly out at the ocean as the waves rushed up to embrace the shore. Heat suffused his body, and his limbs were trembling faintly. He closed his eyes, slowly dropping to his knees in the sand and clenching his teeth against the aching want inside him, hardly able to believe what had caused it. He could feel the blood still bright in his cheeks, sense the lingering warmth where Kakarrot's body had pressed to his.

A particularly aggressive wave rushed up the shore, managing to lap at his knees where they were pressed against the sand, the water cool and dispassionate. Staggering to his feet, Vejiita splashed into the salt-water, trying to use its coldness to shock the heat of desire from his body. He moved forward until the ocean stroked against his waist, water crashing together and spraying up to shower him in a fine mist.

Moaning, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. What had happened to him? What had he.... What...?

Kakarrot's lips pressed against his and he opened his mouth, moaning as their tongues stroked together....

Vejiita winced, sliding his hands over to cover his ears, as if he could muffle the phantom sounds of his desire. Then he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his chest and bowing his head. It had happened so quickly... he hadn't even known it was coming... When Kakarrot had touched his tail so gently... The pleasure had been shocking, spiraling through him to coil deep in his belly. And then when the other Saiya-jin had begun kissing him, all he'd understood was that he wanted it.

God, what was wrong with him? How could he have reacted that way to Kakarrot, to his touch, his kiss? He couldn't be....?

No. He shook his head. No, it was a mistake, it was nothing. The shock of his tail coming back, the fact that he hadn't known touching the tail would affect him like that... It had been a mistake. It didn't mean anything.

Sighing, he lifted his head and nodded. He was being ridiculous.

Uncrossing his arms, he began to walk back toward the shore. There was certainly nothing between... between Kakarrot and him. The idea was laughable. They had been rivals for years.

Kakarrot was feeling sorry for him. His lips curled at the thought. Or maybe he was mocking him, silently sneering at him for what had happened between him and Frieza.

Vejiita's lips tightened. Kakarrot was laughing at him, teasing him, suggesting... what? That... That he had actually enjoyed it when Frieza had touched him? That he had wanted it? Encouraged it?

Vejiita's mind traveled down paths that, had he stepped back and viewed them logically, he would have known were ridiculous. Goku would never do the things he was suggesting. But too much of him had been abused, crushed, beaten. He could not understand a relationship without pain.

Now he trembled with anger, with rage that he had allowed himself to respond to Kakarrot, with disgust that he had actually responded that way to Kakarrot. He had let the other Saiya-jin lead him, let him touch him.... Shame flooded through him. He had no other experience to tell him what he felt was not wrong. For him, sex and everything to do with it had always been pain, shame, and control. Except once.

Once Bulma had kissed him, and he had let her; let her show him what it meant, this human custom of pressing lips and tongues together. And just for a moment she had touched something inside of him, made something inside of him tremble, but then he had gone. He had fled, horrified at his weakness.

So now he was shaking with rage, longing to pummel Goku, but at the same time afraid to face him. Tugging angrily at his hair for a moment, he cursed, then again flew off into the night.

*****

Vejiita stayed at home, silent and brooding, spending long hours in the gravity chamber, training madly in hopes that the activity would ease his tension. Days had passed since he and Goku had kissed. He tried not to think about it. Each time he did, the memory alternately brought him shame, anger, fear, or, worst of all, desire. The desire was faint though, buried beneath his stronger emotions, and he was able to convince himself that it was nothing.

He could not admit, even to himself, that at the root of everything was fear. Fear of what he felt. Fear of Goku's intentions. Fear of being close to someone. Fear of being alone. He both yearned for physical intimacy and was terrified of it. He could not think of giving someone else control, giving them power over him.

There were too many times when he came close to weeping, strung to the breaking point on the torturous rack of his emotions. He always swallowed the tears angrily though, disgusted at his own worthlessness, his weakness. There was nothing for him to cry about; he should not care about such things.

But there were still times when he wanted to die. He was so incredibly weary, so tired of putting up with another day of unhappiness. But he could not give up, would not give up, for one reason.

He could not abandon Trunks. Not again.

He had started to spend more time with his son, doing little things that had nothing to do with sparring or combat. At first it had seemed forced, awkward and contrived as he had reluctantly dragged himself into Bulma's workshop to talk to Trunks about his inventions, to let his son explain them to him. But the longer he had stayed, the more something inside of him had started to treasure the time. He only half-listened to Trunks' explanations of how he thought the time machine might operate; he didn't care, quite frankly. But he did care about the flushed look of pleasure on his son's face as he talked to him with quiet eagerness. He did care about the happiness in the boy's voice, and he realized how much his attention meant to Trunks.

There had been no more mushy sharing of feelings as there had been the night he had come home, but their relationship was dramatically changed. And even though it made Vejiita feel faintly uncomfortable, he would not go back to the way it was before, given the choice.

He and Trunks still sparred each day, but even the feel of that had changed. Vejiita was still more than willing to slam his son into the walls and make him fight hard, but somehow it was lighter now.

The times he spent with Trunks were the few bright spots in his day. The rest was spent brooding. He rarely left Capsule Corporation, and when he did he quickly returned. He worked out inside, not wanting to risk being out-doors.

It took him a while to realize that he was avoiding Goku. When he did, he cursed out loud, his lips curling into a snarl as he sneered at himself, disgusted by his cowardice. He had not spoken to Goku in nearly two weeks, hadn't so much as looked at him. And, he thought, Kakarrot probably knows it. He knows I've been hiding from him.

Cursing again, he slammed the cup he had been holding down on his table and stalked out of the house, trying to force down the fear he felt building in his chest. He would go and find him, and show him that what he had done had not touched him.

What if he laughs at me? something deep and hidden whispered. What if he mocks me? What if he knows... knows that I'm afraid? I can't live if he laughs at me. Hissing, he pushed the half-formed thoughts aside.

The moment he left Capsule Corporation he launched into the air, flashing over the treetops as his senses pinpointed Goku's ki, keeping his own energy suppressed. He followed the beacon of Goku's ki to the woods near his house and descended softly, alighting on a tree branch and looking down at the other Saiya-jin.

Goku was in the middle of a tension-filled kata, all his muscles taut as he flowed through the motions like a dancer. The shirt of his orange gi had been tossed aside and lay in the grass several feet away. His chest glistened with sweat and strands of his black hair clung to his forehead and neck as he continued his workout. Vejiita watched the muscles in his stomach and chest flex and move beneath his skin, creating ridges and valleys that rippled away like water with each new position.

Beautiful. The thought came unbidden, and when he realized where his mind was going, Vejiita stiffened, cursing himself.

Trying to focus again on his rage, the prince lept from the tree branch, descending toward the ground to land several feet away from Goku, falling into a graceful crouch, then rising.

Goku jumped backward, his eyes widening, and nearly stumbled, flailing his arms for a moment to keep his balance. When he had recovered he stood motionless, his jaw gaping slightly as he stared at Vejiita, shock written across his face, along with something that almost looked like fear.

Vejiita stared back at him, his expression hard and closed.

Goku's throat worked silently for a moment and he seemed to have gone faintly pale. Then he whispered, "Vejiita, I-"

Forcing himself to remember his anger, Vejiita said nothing, flickering up to SSJ3, his golden aura making leaves on the ground skitter away from him and the grass billow wildly. I will make him realize what it means to mock me. How dare... how dare he make me feel... like that...

"Vejiita, listen to me..." Goku began, stepping backward and circling warily.

"Kisama," Vejiita whispered, his aura flaring as he remembered his shame, "How dare you do that to me?"

"No, Vejiita, stop, I-"

Vejiita gave Goku no time to finish, his muscles bunching as he pushed off the ground and launched himself at the other Saiya-jin. Goku cursed, ducking out of the way, his hair, too, flashing golden as he made the jump to SSJ3.

Vejiita twisted, following, his gloved hand extending to grasp a handful of Goku's glowing hair, jerking him forward and smashing his other fist into the Saiya-jin's face. To his shock, Vejiita felt angry tears begin to burn his eyes.

"How dare you mock me?!" he screamed.

Goku's head snapped backward with the force of the blow and he grunted, then brought his hand up to slam his palm into the hollow of Vejiita's elbow, forcing the prince to release his grip on his hair. He shoved Vejiita backward, putting space between them and wiping blood from his lips. As Vejiita prepared to charge him again, he met the prince's eyes.

"I don't want to fight you, Vejiita," he whispered, his voice oddly strained.

Sneering at him, Vejiita launched another punch at his face, all of his power going into the movement. Then, a millisecond before his fist was about to connect, he watched Goku drop out of Super Saiya-jin, not moving to avoid the blow.

With a short cry Vejiita struggled to pull back his momentum, horrified. Oh God, no, no! He managed to check his fist, but the speed he had gathered still managed to send him flying forward, crashing hard into Goku's chest. The impact sent both of them to the ground where they lay sprawled in a heap, arms and legs tangled together as Vejiita trembled in shock, releasing his SSJ form. For long moments neither of them shifted position at all, Vejiita draped across Goku's chest, his chin hanging over the other Saiya-jin's shoulder so that Goku's cheek brushed his ear, one of his legs shoved between Goku's thighs and his arms twisted at odd angles. Vejiita gazed ahead blankly, the terrible fear clinging even as he felt the rise and fall of Goku's chest beneath his.

Anger quickly rose to match it.

He jerked his head up, rising enough to glare down into Goku's face, his black eyes harsh with fury. A near-animal growl tore from his throat before he roared, "What in the holy fuck were you doing!?"

Shaking more violently as he realized what could have happened, Vejiita slammed his fist into the ground beside Goku's head, creating a sizable dent and causing the larger Saiya-jin to flinch slightly. "Wha- What- What-...? I could have killed you, you stupid bastard!" he nearly screamed. "What in the fuck were you thinking?!"

His eyes glazed momentarily. If he'd hit Kakarrot with the kind of power he'd thrown into that punch and Kakarrot had dropped all of his defenses....

Feeling suddenly weak, Vejiita's head dropped forward and he closed his eyes, hardly aware that he had moved so his forehead rested against Goku's chin. For long minutes he sagged limply against Goku's body, neither speaking.

Finally, Goku broke his silence, almost sounding like he hadn't meant to speak at all.

"You would have cared, Vejiita?" His words were barely audible.

Vejiita stiffened. His immediate instinct was to laugh in Kakarrot's face, to sneer that of course he wouldn't have cared, he didn't know what had come over him. But he couldn't seem to get the words out. Because he found another part of him wanted to say something else.

At the same moment he finally became aware of how they were lying. Suddenly he was all too-intensely conscious of the fact that his thigh was between Goku's legs, that their chests and stomachs were pressed together, and lower...

Vejiita was unable to stop the sudden flush that heated his cheeks. He almost lept to his feet immediately, but then realized that that would only serve to let Goku know how unsettled he was. Cursing mentally, he stared down into the other Saiya-jin's dark eyes, trying to think of some way to get out of this situation and still maintain an air of confidence. Then he noticed that Goku's cheeks were also turning red, the color slowly brightening his face and creeping down his throat. Neither of them looked away from the other, as if each were waiting for the other to make the first move. Suddenly Goku bit his lip, closing his eyes briefly as Vejiita watched an expression that almost seemed like pain cross his face. Then he looked at him again.

Very slowly, Goku raised his hand, extended it toward Vejiita's face. Vejiita stopped breathing, muscles tensing as his eyes widened slightly. He couldn't move. Then Goku's fingertips lightly brushed across his cheek, slid down to trace the line of his jaw.

Vejiita opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. He only sat very still as Goku gently traced his eyebrows and the bridge of his nose, brushed over his eyes and forced him to close them briefly. He kept telling himself to get up, to screw appearances and leave, but he couldn't. The gentleness in the touch held him captive. What is he doing to me? I... Oh, God...

He opened his eyes again as Goku lightly touched his lips with his fingers, caressing them slightly. He slid his hand around until his fingers curled over the back of Vejiita's neck. He looked at him steadily, though Vejiita felt a faint tremor shake the body beneath his. Then Goku pulled his head downward, at the same time lifting his own.

This time Vejiita knew what was happening, realized what was going on, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. He was held captive by breathless, fearful fasincation. Goku moved very slowly, giving him time to resist, to escape, but... he didn't... want to.

Vejiita's lips parted and his eyes closed as their mouths touched. Goku's lips were soft and warm against his, caressing, and he felt a shudder sweep him.

For long moments they kissed almost chastely, a tentative exploration. Then Goku's tongue flicked lightly over his lips, almost like he was asking Vejiita to let him deepen the kiss. He was asking, Vejiita thought, painfully touched by the realization. With a quiet sound, he opened his mouth, allowing Goku's tongue inside, shivering again as heat flushed through him. He thought dimly that this shouldn't be happening, but he didn't care anymore. He was too caught up, almost analyzing the situation, not really thinking that this was Kakarrot, only thinking about how it felt.

He groaned low in his throat as a shocking spasm of desire shook him, making his body tighten as he unconsciously arched his hips into Goku's in an instinctive rocking motion. Goku made an odd sound that was muffled by Vejiita's lips, sliding his hands downward to grip Vejiita's hips tightly, holding him still.

Some odd, distant part of Vejiita found it hugely ironic that he was sprawled on the ground, locked in a passionate kiss with Kakarrot, but the thought was deeply buried, the greater portion of his mind unable to concentrate on anything but Goku's tongue mating with his, his lips moving against his, his hands caressing his body.

He stiffened slightly, muscles tensing when he felt Goku's fingers slip hesitantly beneath the hem of his shirt, lightly brushing the small of his back. Then Goku's palms flattened against his back, sliding upward, and he closed his eyes, any fears forgotten in the feel of the other Saiya-jin's rough and gentle hands against his skin.

Their kiss broke, though their lips still touched, leaving them both gasping for breath as Goku continued to caress the smooth skin of Vejiita's back.

"Vejiita," he moaned into the Prince's mouth, then moved suddenly, twisting so that Vejiita was laying beneath him.

Oh, God, what am I doing? Vejiita wondered frantically in a moment of clear thought, What is this? I never thought that I... That this.... Then his thoughts were cut off and he hissed, pressing his head back into the ground as Goku's hands slid beneath his shirt again to cover his chest. Oh, God... God...

He felt Goku's lips, warm and moist against his neck, the Saiya-jin pressing open-mouthed kisses to his throat, and fought to suppress the low moan rising in him.

No... This is wrong... what I'm feeling...

Goku's hands smoothed over the hardened muscles of his chest, sliding up to brush the hollows of his shoulders before moving down again, tracing his ribs. The contact sent fire through Vejiita's body and the moan escaped him as he pressed upward, hardly aware of what he was doing as he struggled to bring Goku more firmly into contact with him.

But... God, please... when he touches me....

Goku kissed him again and Vejiita felt himself responding almost reluctantly, unwilling, his thoughts threaded with embarrassment as he opened his mouth and allowed the other Saiya-jin's tongue inside. Goku cooperated willingly, sliding deep into Vejiita's mouth and rubbing their tongues together.

Then Goku's fingers found his nipples and brushed over them, teasing him gently.

Vejiita gasped, breaking the kiss as he twisted his head to one side and squeezed his eyes closed. He felt Goku kiss his cheek as he lightly traced circles around his nipples. Vejiita's breathing was hard and fast, his chest heaving beneath Goku's hands as the larger Saiya-jin's lips brushed his ear.

"K-Kakar-r-" Vejiita choked, unable to finish as his hands moved to clench desperately in Goku's hair. Goku rubbed his cheek against Vejiita's in an oddly reassuring gesture, a soft sound in his throat, then placed his thumbs firmly against Vejiita's nipples, gently massaging them taut.

Vejiita's body tightened like a bow, his back arching as a harsh cry escaped his lips. He kept his eyes squeezed closed, unconsciously undulating his hips in an attempt to relieve the painful tightness in his loins.

Goku kissed his jaw. "V-Vejiita..." he gasped, his voice trembling.

Vejiita couldn't think, he only knew as Goku continued to tease him that he longed for completion, was desperate to be touched more deeply. A whimper eased from his throat as Goku gently squeezed his nipples, again arching his hips into Goku's and gasping at the sensation the friction caused.

And then he realized what he was doing, heard himself whimpering, on the verge of begging Goku to do anything he wanted to him. He froze, abruptly paling and then flushing scarlet as shame flooded through him.

God, no, what kind of a disgusting slut am I, to feel like this?? Kakarrot is probably laughing at me even now, knowing what he's doing to me. God dammit, I am Prince Vejiita! I don't... I don't... A sob threatened to tear from his throat. Look at me, whimpering to Kakarrot like a mindless whore, reacting like a wanton when he touches me... WHY?! Why is Kakarrot making me feel like this?! How can I let myself feel like this?! Why is he doing this? He's showing me his power over me. He's dominated me everywhere else, and now he's showing me he can control me here, too. But then why isn't... why doesn't... why isn't he hurting me? God, why do I want him like this?!

Vejiita began shaking for a different reason now, wanting to scream in rage as he felt tears begin spilling down his cheeks. He was crying again. What a pathetic weakling he was.

Goku had paused, still lying on top of him, and Vejiita could feel him looking down at him. "Vejiita, what-"

Cursing, Vejiita struggled, pushing the other Saiya-jin off him and trying to stagger to his feet, falling back to his knees once before he was successful.

Goku stumbled up beside him.

"Vejiita, what's wrong with you?! What's going on? Did I do som-"

Vejiita twisted to glare up at the taller man, quickly backing away before Goku could touch him. Tears glazed his black eyes as anger, shame, and pain warred on his face.

"Do you think this is funny, Kakarrot?" he whispered hoarsely, trying unsuccessfully to still his trembling. His body ached, screaming that it needed to have its desire sated. "Do you think it's funny to do this to me? Fuck you, you stupid bastard," he rasped, hating the weakness of his voice, "Is it kind of a laugh to know that you- you did- what you-"

He couldn't finish, too humiliated to face the other Saiya-jin any longer. He didn't understand why he reacted to Goku the way he did and was horribly ashamed of himself. His experiences with Frieza had twisted him into thinking that sex always meant pain if you weren't in control, and he had somehow convinced himself that to feel anything else meant he was disgusting and unnatural. On a subconscious level he felt like he shouldn't feel pleasure, like it was something not allowed to him. Nor could he trust that Goku didn't mean to hurt him, it hardly crossed his mind that the other Saiya-jin might actually want him, simply for who he was.

Vejiita turned sharply, gathering his ki as he prepared to return to Capsule Corporation. For a moment Goku simply stared after him, gaping, then ran several steps toward him.

"Vejiita, what are you talking about?! Stop, where-"

Vejiita ignored him, feeling a mild twinge of satisfaction at Goku's flinch as he let his power explode out of him, launching him into the air at top speed. Only once he was sure he was out of the other Saiya-jin's sight did he pause, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching forward in the air as he wept.

*****

Once more, Goku was left to stare after the prince as Vejiita ran away from him. His hands hung limply at his sides as he watched the energy trail left in Vejiita's wake slowly fade, vanishing against the blue of the afternoon sky. Then he winced, running his hands through his hair and trying to ignore the very real complaints of his completely unsatisfied body.

Forcing his breathing to even out, Goku leaned back against a tree, struggling to understand what had gone wrong. He'd been completely shocked to suddenly find himself laid out on the forest floor with Vejiita on top of him in a very compromising position. For long moments he hadn't known what to do. He wasn't going to throw Vejiita off of him, thereby angering the prince further. Besides, he certainly hadn't been unhappy to have Vejiita laying on top of him with Vejiita's thigh between his legs. He'd wanted to do anything but move him. But he had been afraid to touch him as well, not wanting to upset Vejiita as he had the other night. He'd been waiting for Vejiita to make some attempt to get off him, and he'd been very surprised when Vejiita had suddenly screamed at him for dropping out of Super Saiya-jin during their fight. Then something had tightened in his chest as he realized that the prince was implying that it would have bothered him if he had injured Goku.

Right about then Vejiita had appeared to realize the position he was in and Goku had watched his face flush a deep red. He'd felt his own cheeks heating as an awkward silence fell. And looking into Vejiita's eyes, he'd wanted to cry, he loved him so much. And he'd lifted his hand, unable to stop himself, and touched the prince's face.

He'd been expecting Vejiita to pull away immediately, but to his surprise the smaller Saiya-jin had stayed, unmoving, as Goku's fingers outlined his features. Then he'd expected Vejiita to laugh at him, to spit some kind of crushing remark into his face that would tear his heart to shreds. But he'd said nothing.

And Goku hadn't been able to keep himself from kissing him. But he'd forced himself to go very slowly, not to rush Vejiita, to make sure the prince had enough time to escape if he wanted to. He hadn't.

Vejiita's response had shaken him to his core. When Vejiita had started kissing him back, he'd been so astonished he'd nearly jerked back from the contact, unable to believe he wasn't imagining things, so his kiss had been tentative and almost uncertain at first. Then he'd dared to touch Vejiita's lips with his tongue, asking the prince to let him deepen the kiss. And Vejiita had complied.

Goku closed his eyes, drawing a shallow breath as his mind replayed what had happened from there. When he'd known for certain that he was pleasing Vejiita, that the prince wasn't about to run, he'd slid his hands beneath the other Saiya-jin's shirt. He'd had to touch him, had to feel Vejiita's skin under his hands. He couldn't have stopped himself if he'd wanted to. And he'd trembled inside when Vejiita had let him.

If the prince had resisted any of his touches he would have stopped immediately. The thought of forcing the slightest thing on Vejiita made him feel faintly ill. He wanted Vejiita to want him, he would not have it any other way. He loved him too much for that.

Goku slowly straightened from the tree, rubbing his hands over his face and biting his lip as he remembered the feel of Vejiita responding beneath him, once they'd switched positions. The sensation of Vejiita's body arching into his, the trembling joy he'd felt that he was able to affect the prince that way, the feel of Vejiita's hands gripping his hair.

And then Vejiita had pulled away again.

He sighed, bending absently to retrieve his shirt from where he'd dropped it after taking it off to exercise.

Why had Vejiita run? He knew now, he knew that the prince had wanted him, that he'd responded to his touch. He knew Vejiita had been fully aware of what was happening. So... what? Had he done something wrong?

Goku wracked his brain trying to think of anything he might have done to frighten, offend, or disgust his prince. There was nothing. One moment Vejiita had been moaning beneath him, arching into his arms, and the next he'd been pushing Goku off him, cursing him as he'd stumbled to his feet.

He frowned, remembering what Vejiita had said to him.

'Do you think it's funny to do this to me?'

Goku stopped again, unconsciously biting the inside of his cheek. Did... Vejiita think he was playing with him? He must. Somehow, Vejiita thought he was mocking him, throwing what had happened to him with Frieza in his face.

He doesn't trust me.

Then he frowned again, beginning to walk once more. Well, of course he doesn't, you dumbass. Good God, he was raped repeatedly as a child; used as... as Frieza's personal plaything. Did you expect that he wouldn't have any emotional scars left over from that?

In fact, it was likely that Vejiita had more than scars. The mental trauma caused by Frieza's actions were still unhealed wounds, they had to be. When had he ever had a chance to recover? Who had ever wanted to be there for him so he could recover? The damage caused by rape was always worse psychologically than physically, and the physical was bad enough.

Goku swallowed, awash in furious anger on Vejiita's behalf, longing to wish Frieza back to life just so he could kill him again, slowly and painfully. The other part of him was trembling with love, with longing to help Vejiita.

Drawing his shirt over his head, he began walking back to his house, wanting more than anything to go to his prince and take him in his arms, but knowing that Vejiita would have none of it right now. Maybe not ever. Maybe the prince would curse himself for ever responding to Goku's touch like he had. But... as long as he could help him, it didn't matter whether Vejiita would ever love him or not. It brought an ache to his heart just thinking about it, but the possibility was very real. Just because Vejiita could respond to him physically didn't mean he really felt anything for him; it was very likely he was disgusted with himself. And Goku as well. Still, he would give Vejiita everything he had.

Because I love him. I'll do whatever it takes.