Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Breath of Sorrow ❯ What Is Your Wish? ( Chapter 13 )

The senzu bean had healed the major breaks and internal bleeding in her body, but blood still poured down her thighs, and as Diana huddled in the corner of the large cot Vegeta had provided her, she closed her eyes and swallowed. Life was not what she had expected it to be as a child, and she blamed herself entirely for it. When she looked at her own life and her ability to see through people and see their dreams, she bit her lip and drew more blood in bitterness.

 

She should have never said anything. If she had never gotten involved, there would still be a beautiful girl fighting for her power on top of the Capsule Corp, two boys in love, and a family pining away over a lost warrior that never wanted to come back in the first place. Diana covered her head with her arms and cried out her anguish at her sins, screaming in pain until her voice was hoarse, and she screamed some more.

 

Her restored nails dug into arms as she slashed herself with them again and again, mangling the muscle and skin that encased her arms, making blood drip and pour onto the white sheets of the bed in abandon. With each slash, the pale, unmarked skin began to tear into pieces and fall onto the bed, blood splattering across the sterile sheets and staining them like her sin and hatred stained her soul.

 

“Fuck me… I hate this… I hate myself. God, why can't I just fucking die…” She sobbed as she slashed herself. She wanted to die. Pan had died for her, and yet, she was a dirty creature, stained by her past and her hatred. Who was this man…this creature that had taught Pan such selfless sacrifice? This Goku they all cried about couldn't be a god, and yet, they worshipped his memory as if though he were Jesus fucking Christ Himself, and it confused Diana.

 

As she began to calm, she rested her arms next to her on the bed, unseeing and comatose as she stared into a void. What beauty could destroy ugliness with a simple and yet complex thing such as sacrifice? Diana blinked once and closed her eyes against the white sanctum of the room, shutting out the bright white walls and floors that blinded her with constant reminders of her assault with splatters of red.

 

It was amazing what anger could do to love. With just a few words of rage, a few minute actions, and a suggestion, love was easily turned to hatred, and hatred caused even the most gentle of creatures to become monsters. Where hatred created a monster in Diana's heart, it had caused Trunks, the most gentle of the Saiya-jins alive, to become a rapist, cold and calculated. It didn't take much to turn love to hatred, and yet, love was the most powerful force on earth…wasn't it?

 

Life crawled to a stop for her as the door to the room opened. She didn't bother to look up as gentle hands pressed gauze to her torn and bleeding skin, and when she heard a soft, kind sigh of a man, she only turned her head away from the source of the sound. Gohan's eyes softened as he looked upon her, his hands overly gentle as he pressed the blood away and examined her wounds. His glasses had been shed, and he once again looked like the warrior that Diana had been defeated by, except this time, his eyes were filled with compassion instead of hate.

 

“You…you didn't rape her, did you?” He whispered as he cleaned her right arm. He seemed to be holding back emotion, but whatever the feeling, he was masking it well. Her pale blue eyes fluttered open and she turned her eyes to him, exhausted, red rimmed, and empty. So empty. He looked back on her with a piteous expression that nearly made her want to vomit whatever contents were left in her stomach, but she quelled her urges and gazed back at Gohan with indifference.

 

“What does it matter whether I raped her or not?” She demanded. “I still took her innocence. I still made her bleed.” Gohan nodded absently, and placing a clean towel underneath her arm, he poured a topical solution over her skin, making her flinch in pain. When the liquid had eaten away the bacteria and blood, he dried it gently and rubbed a soothing cream into the mangled flesh, making Diana sigh in relief. “How did you figure it out?” She asked quietly.

 

“Because Vegeta didn't kill you.” Gohan answered. “He cared about Pan more than he let on, and he would have destroyed anyone who hurt her like that. He would have killed you.” He wrapped her arm gently in gauze and switched sides, repeating the actions with her other arm. “You should have fought Trunks. You had the ability. Why didn't you?”

 

“Because I deserved it.” Diana answered quickly. Gohan finished bandaging her other arm and looked her directly into her eyes. His own onyx depths shimmered for a moment with emotion before he looked away, and it struck her at that very moment that maybe Gohan was no as strong as he let on. A family man, a hero, and a son, but he was still half human, and that simple weakness shown in his eyes at that moment as his greatest power, and it nearly took her breath away.

 

“But you didn't do anything except sleep with Pan.” He answered. “That may warrant a sound beating, but it doesn't warrant rape, torture, and being locked in a cell like a science experiment.” He touched her knee gently. “Lay down on your back and bend your knees with your feet flat down so I can look at the damage.”

 

Diana's eyes flew to him, but she didn't argue as he gently positioned her body on the bed and spread a sheet over her knees and helped her pull off her mangled black pants. She flinched as dried blood was pulled away from her skin with the material, and as she tried to push herself away from the situation, she vaguely heard Gohan click his tongue and sigh. She forced herself to think of Goku and his return and what it meant for her, but unbidden, she found herself talking.

 

“You must be angry.” She whispered as Gohan gently washed away the blood from her womanhood and thighs. “That they chose to bring back your father instead of Pan.” If that statement had hurt Gohan, he didn't react as his deft, gentle fingers examined the torn skin of Diana's delicate labia. She gasped in pain as he found another tear, and he reached down into his bag, pulling a strange looking bottle of saline solution and some bandages and stitching equipment with ointment and a syringe.

 

“Goten and I decided to bring Dad back instead of Pan.” He answered softly. The blue eyes slid shut in relief as he used the saline solution to wash away the blood onto the towels folded underneath her body, and he looked into her face as she relaxed into the pillow behind her. As she relaxed, he filled the syringe and pressed it into the delicate, torn skin causing her to flinch. “I'm sorry. I need to stitch up a few spots. This will help with the pain.”

 

As he worked, the words that his thoughts formed fell from his lips. “Dad will be angry at us for bringing him back instead of Pan. I guess I'm kind of angry about it. Watch out. I'm fixing to start stitching you up, so don't move, ok?” He paused and then continued, seeing Diana could feel nothing and was completely relaxed against the pillow. “My father…Goku wasn't perfect. He really wasn't much of a father to us, and he really wasn't much of a husband to mom, but he was always giving himself to save the world. I guess he felt like that was his purpose in life.”

 

“Saiya-jins have this funny little trick their mind plays on them that makes them think that fighting is more important than everything else. I'm no exception. I guess it's bred into our bloodlines.” He pulled the last stick carefully and cut the string. He threaded another sterile needle with the thread and looked down at Diana. “Just one more gash to go, and we'll be done.” He continued, his voice easing Diana into a quiet lull.

 

“I think you'd like Dad. He doesn't judge from what he sees right away. He always sees the best in people first, and he believes that everyone has a little good in them somewhere. Hell, if he hadn't seen the good in my sensei Piccolo, I would have never been trained.” He pulled the last stitch through deftly and tied it, looking into her face. “We're done. Let me put this ointment onto you and we'll be good to go.” Diana nodded, her eyes still closed.

 

“Thank you…Go-chan.” The American used the friendly term carefully, and a gentle smile came across Gohan's face. He spread the ointment on his finger, and gently, he rubbed it over the stitches and inside of her, making her sigh in relief again. “Thank you.” She spoke softly again.

 

Gohan threw her torn pants to the side and pulled the covers over her body and threw on a couple of extra blankets. “Just sleep for now.” He whispered back to her. “You need the rest. Trunks won't be coming in here again.” The pale blue eyes cracked open, and they rested on Gohan's face with their empty regard.

 

“You're curious.” She said softly.

 

“What?” Gohan asked, crouching next to the bed.

 

“You're curious why I haven't said anything.” She clarified softly. She was laid back against the pillow, her long, silk ebony hair splayed across the white, her blue eyes lazy and tired from her blood loss and emotional exertion.

 

“It had crossed my mind.” Gohan answered tenderly.

 

Diana turned her head away from as she answered, her face taking an expressionless look even as her words trembled. “I don't remember my biological father really well. I don't really even know who he was…but I can remember that he was cruel, and he didn't care a lick for his family. He tortured my mother. I remember the blood. You…you never hurt Pan….and even that harpy bitch…Videl… you love her. You have at least some respect from me, even if you're a sorry ass piece of shit for a son…You were still a good father.”

 

Gohan dropped his bag, and his eyes closed. “Please don't say that.” He whispered. Diana sat up in the bed, clutching the sheet to her black clad chest.

 

“You will hear it from me as long as I live.” She declared vehemently. Gohan suddenly released a cry of anguish.

 

“Stop forgiving me!” He cried out, bowing his head. Diana's eyes widened a fraction, and then with gentle hands, she buried her fingers in his black, thick hair and tilted his eyes to hers. The blue depths were no longer empty, and Gohan gasped in shocked surprise as an emotion swirled in the depths of pale sapphire. <I>Affection. Love. Concern.</I>

 

“Gohan, it was an accident.” She stroked a hand over the smooth plane of his cheek. “An accident.” He keened a sob and suddenly buried his face in the covers bunched in her lap, and began to cry uncontrollably, his whimpers and gasps filling the small room with sadness.

 

“I'm a murderer…Jesus… I killed my own daughter…oh god….” He screamed out into the covers, sobs following his plaintive cries, and Diana only stroked his hair and whispered soft encouragement to him as he let of his sorrow. “Oh my god…I want to die…” Diana nearly passed out, hearing her own words reflected back at her from this powerful man, and she rested a hand on the side of his neck, leaning back on the pillow, her fingertips stroking the soft skin there as he sobbed.

 

“Gohan, I forgive you. I don't have the right to forgive you…but I forgive you anyway.” He only reacted to cry harder, and she nodded softly against the pillow, closing her eyes and concentrating on her touches. His skin was smooth, well cared for, and it was warm. She <I>enjoyed</I> touching Gohan. As he sobbed, she whispered words into the air that changed his life forever. “It's ok, Go-chan. Pan won't be angry. You can say goodbye.”

 

****

 

The barren valley spread out in front of Goten as he perched on the cliff, his chocolate eyes steeped in thought. He could still feel Goku's lips on his, and he could still feel the rough texture of his cascading blonde hair jammed between his fingertips. He closed his eyes and remembered the shock on Goku's face when he realized what he'd done. He'd apologized so many times that Goten had grown tired of hearing the words, but he never demanded that his father stop apologizing. Somehow, the constant guilt had helped Goku pay his penance for it and let it go.

 

Goten's eyes skittered across the broken land, burned bare by many sparring matches between the earth Saiya-jins and their sons and daughters. This was an example of what Vegeta-sei looked like as Vegeta had once described it, and Goten wryly thought to himself that the planet was probably bare because the men couldn't keep their blood from boiling in battle.

 

He thought of Pan, and despite the bitterness of bringing Goku back instead of her, Goten could not feel remorse for choosing his father over his niece. Goku belonged with them, and there was nothing that the great dragon could that would change that. Goku was the guardian of earth, and he was the peacekeeper and the hope of the Saiya-jins that were left. Without him…there was no hope to be had. Perhaps Vegeta carried the bloodline of the princes of Vegeta-sei, but Goku was the true prince. Even the Prince of All Saiya-jins was lost without him.

 

Goten crouched on the peak above the valley, resting his outstretched elbows across each other on his bent knees. He bent the upper arm and brought his fingertips to his mouth to nibble them in thought. The kiss…It had been a turning point in his relationship with Goku, and yet, even after the incident, Goten could not look on his father with anything but affection.

 

It hadn't been sexual, but now, after Goku had been gone for nearly nine years, Goten's thoughts had changed, and when he thought of his father, the affection was transferred to thoughts of the beautiful, youthful contours of Goku's face and the smooth planes of his bulky muscles. The thoughts of a son had turned to those of an obsessive lover in his affection for the memory of his greatest hero, and yet, Goten had no shame of it.

 

Goten hardly noticed in his thought as Vegeta lighted next to him and stood with his arms cross across his massive chest. “What are you doing here, brat?” He demanded in his rough voice. The boy nearly had to smile at Vegeta's harsh tone, and he almost felt relaxed at the familiar return to normality.

 

“Just thinking.” He answered flippantly. He turned his eyes away from the prince and back to the valley where he played the events of his past over and over again like a film reel. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Vegeta had couched next to him, his arms outstretched in the same position, resting on his muscle bound knees. When he looked to the prince again, Vegeta's eyes were cast out to the barren, sandy valley, replaying his own memories in his head.

 

“I figured it out.” Goten said quietly. Vegeta glanced to him in odd surprise, and then looked out again as Goten explained. “I figured out why you gripped to Dad when you came to Earth.” Vegeta only relaxed in his crouch, the only sign that he was listening to his young lover. “I-it's because of Frieza, isn't it? He took away all your power and all your rights to life.” At that statement, Vegeta's eyes snapped to the boy, but Goten wasn't looking at him, and in honesty, Vegeta was glad that he wasn't. He would have seen the utter guilt and surprise at the boy's perceptiveness.

 

“See, I thought about why you and Dad were always fighting, and it occurred to me that maybe, you weren't really fighting. Trunks and I…When we spar, it's almost like we're making love. I can feel his hands on my body, and each punch he lands is like a thrust of energy right into my soul. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Dad gave you your power back, and even though he could have taken it away from you and killed you, he didn't. He <I>wanted</I> you to excel in everything you did.”

 

“Regardless of what you think, Vegeta, Dad did love you, and I think, that in the end, if he'd been given the chance to choose between marrying and having his sons or you, he would have chosen you. Mom… I love Mom. Don't get me wrong. There's something about their relationship that never clicked in place. Mom just didn't understand Dad's burning desire to protect everything that meant something to him. In the end, I guess she thought that he didn't love her, but it wasn't true. He loved everyone. But he loved you most of all.”

 

Vegeta's eyes closed against the bright light of the sun, and he released a mighty sigh that carried on the wind and could have shaken the rocks with its sadness. “You're <I>wrong</i>, Goten.” The boy looked up to the prince, the light picking up the golden highlights in his deep brown eyes. Vegeta rested his chin on his arms and cross then, still looking out to the valley. “Kakarot would have never chosen me over his sons. His sons are his single greatest accomplishment. Your existence means far more to him than his strength, his status, or even the thrill of battle. You are his <I>magnum opus.</I> In a way, I almost envy your position in his life, and if I could convince…” He tapered off, his rough voice suddenly going quiet in the soft breeze. “…if I could just get Trunks to see that he means the same to me…He would not be so bitter.”

 

“Trunks will get it sooner or later. It's a good thing he's not as dense as you are.” Goten looked over at Vegeta. “You love Dad for your power. He makes you feel like a Prince, doesn't he? I….I love him because he's my hero.” He closed his eyes and bowed his head in shame. “I would repeat that kiss again if I had the chance. I know he's my father, but there's….something I want to show him…and that's the only I know how to express it.”

 

Vegeta nodded mildly, considering the words of the boy. Not incest….What Goten was describing was not a fairy tale incest ridden relationship. It was the love of one warrior for another. He looked on the boy with new respect as Goten stood and brushed his jeans off. “Well, regardless of how I feel, I still love Trunks.” He grinned down at Vegeta. “And…he's a great fuck.” With a chuckle, Vegeta watched as the boy lifted off into the air, leaving the prince to his dark thoughts about his returning lover.

 

****

 

“Trunks?” Bra inched the door open and peered into the light colored bedroom, finding her brother curled up on his bed, his breathing even and quiet. “Trunks? Are you sleeping?”

 

The azure eyes opened, and his eyes graced his sister. “No, I'm awake.” Bra smiled softly and stepped inside, closing the door softly behind her.

 

“Hey, are you ok?” She approached him carefully, and then, she plopped down on his bed, her blue eyes sparkling softly. “Gohan caught me in the hall. He smelled like he'd been crying, and he wanted me to check on you.”

 

Trunks sat up, his hands scraping across his eyes. “I'm alright.”

 

Bra sighed and leaned against the poster of the bed, her blue eyes turning sad. “You really shouldn't hurt people just to make a point. It's…well…pointless.”

 

“You sound more and more like Dad every day.” Trunks grumbled as he leaned against the mountain of pillows behind him.

 

“Thanks!” She smiled blindingly at him and then smirked. “I'll take that as a compliment.”

 

Trunks thought a minute before he asked his sister a question. “Bra, Dad almost lost it after Goku-san left. Do you think that was wrong…I mean that they…” He faltered off, waiting for his sister's biting remarks about minding his own business, but instead, he was met with a tinkling laugh that made him smile in spite of himself.

 

“I don't think that's any of our business, Brother.” She answered lightly. “But do your unspoken question, no, I don't think they would have been any happier apart. They belong together. It's a Saiya-jin warrior thing, I guess. How would I know? I'm just the princess.” She winked at Trunks, causing him to emit a smile. Her smile disappeared as she addressed a subject that was bothering her. “Trunks, you really scare me. I mean, I could smell her on you, and her blood was on you too. You really hurt her for what she did to Pan-chan, and I can respect that…but that's… just not like you.”

 

Trunks nodded. “I was just so angry. Pan…and now they're bringing back Goku-san without even a thought to maybe he didn't <I>want</I> to come back in the first place. That man will be living long after we're dead. Maybe he doesn't want to live that long, you know? Life is fucking hard.”

 

Bra nodded absently before standing. “I get what you're saying, Brother. I'm gonna go find Mom and Chichi so we can pack the lunches for today. I'll bet Goku will be hungry!” She kissed her brother on the cheek fearlessly before she left, and she paused at the door. “Don't feel bad for being mad that they chose Goku over Pan-chan. I'm angry about it too, but there's nothing we can do about it. So I guess we act the part of a Prince and Princess and welcome him back.” She exited, leaving Trunks in deeper thought than he'd been before.

 

****

 

The wind blew across the quiet fields and the trees rustled quietly in the wind. Vegeta, Goten, Gohan, Bulma, Chichi, Krillin, and Trunks each carried a Dragon Ball, some in their hands, others in their pockets. Goten and Vegeta hung back, walking next to each other quietly, taking comfort in the familiar scent of each other, eyes and ears only trained on each other, much to the confusion of Gohan and the jealousy of Trunks. While they all set the Dragon Balls down in the floor of the field, the wind told of beautiful times when wishes were not so heartbreaking and exciting as this one.

 

Gohan held his Dragon Ball last, the four stars shining at him innocently in the beautiful shined stone that seemed to hold the weight of the world inside of it. He looked to all those gathered and breathed out. “I feel like I should say something, but I'm not sure anything would make us any happier or sadder than we already are. In wishing back my most trusted hero, I'm letting go of my own daughter.” Goten stepped up behind his brother and rested a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Brother, Pan will always be with us.” He whispered softly. With those words, Gohan stooped and placed the last ball in the middle of the hexagon. The power that crackled through the air filled the sky with a bright white light, and from the balls poured the flash that all had become familiar with, and yet were awed every time it appeared.

 

Bright green scales poured from the energy like a smoke, and a pale armored stomach reflected the setting sun. The dragon serpent burst forth from the energy, and set his great red eyes on the small group of people before him. His deep, rasping voice filled the air, and he gazed down at Dende with cold affection. “What is your wish?”

 

****

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