Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Goku and Vegeta Variety Hour! ❯ Episode 1 ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I don't on it… yet.

(Camera steadied on one blissfully happy Saiyin, and one very irate Saiyin prince, both sitting in very comfortable looking chairs situated behind a coffee table. A signal is given from offstage.)

Goku: Hi! I'm Goku, and this is mine and Vegeta's show. Today, I guess we're going to have a guest.

Vegeta: I don't know how that woman talked me into this.

Goku: Sure you do, you told me that she wasn't going to let you have any...

Vegeta: KAKKAROT! Enough! Let's get this stupid thing over with.

Goku: Vegeta, did you have your nap today? You know how you get when you don't have your nap.

Vegeta: THE PRINCE OF SAIYINS DOES NOT NEED NAPS! I don't know where you get this, but I'm going to...

Goku: Bulma told me.

Vegeta: Grrr... Let's just get that idiot out here.

Goku:(smiling, turns to camera) Today's guest is that guy that I fought and saved everyone from. (continues smiling)

Vegeta: (head in hands) Why me? Why me?

Director: Goku, say his name.

Goku: Okay Letta, uhh... what's his name?

Director: You mean you don't even know who we're having on the show?

Goku: Is this a trick question?

Director: Cell! His name is Cell!

Goku: (brightening) Oh yeah! I killed Cell and saved the world. Welcome to today's show, Cell!

Vegeta: Kakkarot, you didn't kill Cell, that brat of yours did.

Goku: (confused) What do you mean? I always kill the bad guy and save everyone. Radditz, Garlic Jr., Nappa...

Director: Uh, Goku? You didn't kill any of them.

Goku: Of course I did, if I didn't who did?

Director: Piccolo killed Radditz; you weren't even around when Garlic Jr. came, and Vegeta killed Nappa.

Goku: (turns to Vegeta, shocked) Vegeta! I'm disappointed in you! Killing is wrong! I can't believe you did that to Nappa!

Vegeta: Kakkarot, you were just going on about how you supposedly killed those morons, and you were proud of it.

Goku: But I was saving the world.

Vegeta: No you weren't, the only time you did anything was with Radditz.

Goku: Yes I was! I was saving the world!

Director: No you weren't, you were...

Goku: (hands over his ears and eyes squeezed shut) I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I can't hear you!

Vegeta: (smiling evilly) Let's bring out our first guest. I'm sure he can help clear things up with Kakkarot.

Director: (trying to calm down the distraught Goku) Goku, be quiet and we'll get you something to eat. Okay? How does that sound?

Goku: (tears in his eyes, but wipes them away and whimpers) Okay.

Vegeta: Put your hands together for Cell!

Cell: (walks out on stage with a halo above his head, crickets chirp) Hello.

Goku: (jumps up) Here! Take a seat and make yourself comfortable. And please tell everyone how I killed you and saved the world, along with the androids.

Cell: (looks very confused) But... you didn't. The little freak Gohan did! (starts fuming)

Goku: Sure I did. I killed you and the androids. I don't know where everyone keeps getting Gohan from.

Vegeta: Yes Cell, tell him how you died.

Cell: (trembling with rage) I am perfect! I couldn't have been defeated by that runt! He is nothing! He cheated!

Vegeta: (grinning madly) Let's bring out our surprise guests. (motions for someone offstage to come on)

Director: (nervously) What surprise guests? Vegeta, what surprise guests?

Gohan, Android 18, and Android 17 walk out onstage.

Cell: NOOOOOOO!!!

Android 18: We're not dead. You never killed us.

Goku: That's not true! You're lying!

Gohan: Dad, you died. I killed Cell. Remember? You came back when Buu arrived? You were dead for a couple years. You told us not to wish you back.

Cell: (shaking uncontrollably) You... will... pay... dearly!

Goku: (stubbornly, to Gohan) I don't know what you're talking about.

Android 17: It appears as though Goku has lost his mind.

Android 18: So it does.

Goku: (nearly sobbing) I have not! I'm telling Chichi on you! Just you wait! (runs offstage, followed by Gohan, who is then followed by an enraged Cell.)

The Androids shrug and follow. All that is left is an ecstatic Vegeta, who is smiling evilly.

Vegeta: I say that was a good show!

Director: You made Goku cry.

Vegeta: Like I said, it was a good show.

Director: (sighs, then walks over to a wall with a light switch on it, then flips it, shutting off all the lights.) Goodbye Vegeta.

Vegeta: (suddenly bolt upright in the dark) You're not going to leave me here, are you? You can't do this...(quiets to the sound of retreating footsteps.) Letta? Anyone? Come back! You can't leave me here! It's too dark! (nervously gets up and tries to find his way out) C'mon, this isn't funny! (trips over something and lets out a bloodcurdling scream, then blasts in a random direction, plowing through the wall, suffering a concussion.)

Gohan and Goku run onstage, Goku carrying a box of tissues. Gohan flips on a light.

Gohan: I thought I heard a woman scream.

Goku: Where's Vegeta?

Cheesy music starts playing from offstage.

Goku: (Jumps up) What the hell is that?!

Gohan: It's just the closing credits dad. I think we should go home now.

Goku: Yeah, I'm pretty hungry.

The two fly off. The first episode of the Goku and Vegeta Variety Hour comes to a close.