Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Goku and Vegeta Variety Hour -Episode 2 ❯ Prologue

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Guess who doesn't own it? Me! Personally, I'm a little shocked about that one.

The Goku and Vegeta Variety Hour! -Episode 2

A/N: Probably not as good as the first, but I'm going to write a third one which will be a lot better, or else...


Somewhere outside, a group of people consisting of cameramen, a director, two hosts, and cue card girl are standing around waiting for a signal to be given.


Director: Lights, camera, action! (crickets chirp, Goku stares blankly ahead, Vegeta looks very bored)

Director: (after five minute pause) Uh... guys? We're rolling. (no response) The camera's on. (still, no response) START TALKING BEFORE I RIP YOU ALL TO SHREDS!

Goku: You seem a little crabby... do you need some Midol?

Director: Excuse me?

Goku: When Chichi gets all cranky, she takes her Midol... she says it's calm-down medicine.

Vegeta: Kakkarot... you seem a little under the weather yourself, maybe you should take some.

Goku: Really? You think so?

Vegeta: Yeah, it could help you with your women problems.

Goku: You mean, Chichi won't get mad at me anymore?

Vegeta: Well... you do have women problems, don't you?

Goku: Well...

Director: Goku, don't answer that.

Goku: Why? I have women problems all the time!

Vegeta: (snickering) That's very revealing Kakkarot. (starts laughing really hard)

Goku: (looks at Vegeta, who has now fallen on the floor in a fit of laughter, turns to the director) Hey Letta, what's wrong with him?

Director: Never mind him, just tell the audience what we're doing today.

Goku: (looks around quizzically)

Director: (sighs) What's wrong?

Vegeta: (starts to regain composure, but breaks into a new fit of laughter every time he looks at Goku)

Goku: Where's the audience?

Director: In the camera.

Goku: YOU MEAN THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THERE? (points at the camera, wide-eyed)

Director: In a way, yes.

Goku: (still very wide-eyed) How'd they get in there? Are they trapped?

Vegeta: (now recovered) They're very small people that live in there.

Goku: Really? Oh wow! (gets up and walks over to camera, smashing his face against it) Hi!

Director: Goku, go sit down. NOW! (hands a Kleenex to cameraman, who wipes off the lens from Goku face smears)

Goku: (sulkily) Fine, but you don't have to be so mean about it.

Director: Yes I do. Now tell everyone what we're doing today.

Goku: Okay...

Vegeta: (interrupting) We're going to the park and asking a bunch of morons questions.

Director: Uh... yeah. Well, we're at the park, so just grab someone who walks by and start interviewing them.

Goku: Huh?

Director: I said we're already at the park so...

Goku: WE ARE?!

Director: Look around you; does this look like the studio?

Goku: (looks around, as commanded) Hey, you're right! Good for you!

Director: Yeah... yeah... good for me.

Vegeta: (grabs some poor, unsuspecting man by the collar who happens to walk by) You're getting interviewed!

Man: Hey guy? What the hell is your problem?

Director: Vegeta!

Vegeta: (ignores her) You should know to pay respect to the Prince of Saiyins! (without warning, sends man into the next dimension)

Director: (mortified) Vegeta! You can't do that! You can't just kill off people for no reason!

Vegeta: Disrespect is reason enough.

Director: You don't respect anyone here, but we don't go around killing you! Besides, you just grabbed him by the collar, no wonder he doesn't show you any respect!

Goku: (who had run off after a butterfly sometime earlier) Hey guys, look at this!

Director: (annoyed) What is it?

Goku: (trots over, hands cupped, obviously with something inside them) Look! (opens hands to reveal a very angry hornet)

Director: Get that away from me! Go show Vegeta!

Goku: (shrugs) Okay. (walks over to Vegeta, and opens his hands)

Vegeta: (peering in) What's that? (leans in farther, then shrieks, cradling his nose) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! IT ATTACKED ME!

Director: (laughing) It's called a hornet.

Vegeta: IT SHALL DIE! (he then runs off after it, shouting load curses, causing several people to stare at him and cover their children's ears)

Director: Goku, why don't you interview the next person.

Goku: (brightly) Okay! (someone walks by, so Goku grabs them by the wrist and drags them over in front of the camera, then just stands there, smiling at the camera, while that someone is struggling desperately to get away)

Director: (head in hands) Goku, ask him questions.

Goku: Okay, uh... what's your name?

Man: (shakily) My name's Dave. For the love of God, let me go! (starts clawing at Goku's hand)

Goku: (ignores Dave's pleas) Hmm... what's your favorite food Dave?

Dave: I do... don't know! Please let me go! (props a foot against Goku, and tries pushing against him, while pulling backwards on his arm)

Goku: C'mon Dave, everyone knows their favorite food! Mine's pizza... and rice... and pickles, and peanut butter (let's go of Dave so he can count on his fingers, Dave takes the opportunity to run away... faster than he's ever run before) ... and fish, and hamburgers, and hot dogs... and... (looks around) Where's Dave?

Director: (jaw dropped) Uh...

Goku: All this talk about food is making me hungry.

Vegeta: (now returns, smirking evilly, despite the large, red bump on his nose, he is also holding a large jug of RAID with a spray nozzle attached) The little bastard has paid dearly for his mistake! Any who dares to cross me will be sent on a one-way ticket to HELL!

Director: Watch your language!

Vegeta: The prince of Saiyins does not...

Goku: Hey Vegeta, are you hungry?

Vegeta: Now that you mention it... I did see several people with barbeques...

Director: Vegeta, don't you dare... (is too late, seeing as though both Vegeta and Goku have flown off towards the barbeques) All right! We have a show with no hosts! (walks over to tree and beats head against it)

Several minutes later...

Vegeta and Goku: (fly back and land in front of the camera, barbeque sauce smeared all over their faces, Letta stops beating her head against the tree)

Director: Listen, I just want one interview, no killing, no grabbing them and refusing to let go... Just ask someone if they'd talk to us for a minute and we can go, all right?

Goku: (nods) All right!

As it happens... the next one to walk by is Yamcha.

Goku: Hey Yamcha! We're going to interview you!

Yamcha: (walks over) All right.

Vegeta: (humphs... but then an evil little smirk appears on his face) Human... is it true that you used to go sing at nightclubs dressed in drag?

Yamcha: (shifts uncomfortably) No...

Goku: What's drag?

Vegeta: It's where you... wear... orange...

Goku: So I dress in drag?

Vegeta: (almost grinning) Do you wear orange?

Goku: (looks down to see his orange and blue gi) Uh, yeah. I guess I do.

Vegeta: You should go around and tell people you dress in drag.

Goku: Why?

Vegeta: It'll boost your popularity.

Goku: Okay...

Vegeta: Tonight go home and tell your woman you dress in drag.

Goku: All right.

Director: (not even caring anymore) Goku, just finish this up.

Goku: Okay. Yamcha... why did Bulma dump you again?

Yamcha: Just rub it in my face why don't you!

Vegeta: He wasn't man enough. That's all there is to it!

Yamcha: (growls, but Vegeta glares at him, so he shrinks back)

Director: One more question, and we can go.

Vegeta: Why are you so weak?

Yamcha: I'm not, I'm just mal-nutritioned.

Vegeta: Is that like fat people saying they're big-boned

Yamcha: Yes...I mean no!

Goku: Vegeta, you shouldn't say stuff like that, it hurts people's feelings.

Vegeta: Do you think I care?

Director: (cheerfully) All right! That's it for today! (signals the cameramen, who shut off their cameras, then turns to Goku and Vegeta) You two can go back home now. (turns to Yamcha) You... you can just go.

Thus concludes another episode of the Goku and Vegeta Variety Hour!