Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Lost DBZ Movie ❯ The Lost DBZ Movie ( Chapter 1 )

This fic was written for the Saiyajin Secrets songfic contest, where members were challenged to write a fic that was inspired by a song (*without* inserting lyrics into the text).

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The Lost DBZ Movie: Cojack, the Super Amazing Guy! Goku and Vegeta's Splendid New Attack.

Transcribed by Orchideater

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Rating: NC-17, Humor yaoi

Warnings: V x Gk, illegal kamehamehas, exhibitionism, misuse of saiyan anatomy, sex (duh), and worst of all, a lame villain. Now, Vegeta is just a tiny bit out of character in this one. Just a little bit. A smidge. A titch. A skosh. A- alright, alright, he's mental in this story. But it's fun OOC! He's no fun when he's glowering in corners in stony silence. Got to shake him up a bit!

Disclaimer: All DBZ characters property of Akira Toriyama and official licensees.

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Forward

Few people know that, due to popular demand, Toei actually made a 14th Dragonball Z movie. This movie was only shown for select Japanese audiences and labeled unfit for international- especially American- marketing.

After the first viewing, all existing final prints of disclosure were stolen and destroyed by a radical DBZ fan cult claiming to uphold the integrity of the show. Now, after all these years, a surviving copy of the original script has surfaced, hidden for decades in the attic of a man who worked on the film.

Through an internecine network of black market connections and at great personal expense, I obtained a translated copy of the script, which I have transferred into prose format for your personal reading pleasure.

Sadly, until a copy of the film surfaces, we will never be able to watch the finished anime product. Through the written script and subsequent fiction format, however, it is my hope that we may still enjoy this, the lost DBZ movie.

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*The scene fades in to a beautiful, crisp spring day.*

The birds sang, fish jumped in the stream, and the bright sun shone over the tops of the verdant forest, ripe with the promise of a fruitful, fertile summer. A proud eagle flew in, a fish in his talons, and landed on a high upper canopy branch next to the girl eagle he was courting. He offered her the fish, which she accepted with a feathery blush, and they nuzzled beaks.

Just as the poor eagle thought he was making progress, a sinister shadow fell over the pair- an immense darkness that covered half of the vast woodland. The eagles gawked upwards for a moment, then flapped off in terror.

Far away, each of the Z fighters felt the same ominous presence, the import of that tremendous, terrible ki shuddering through their beings. Tien and Chaoutzu stopped their training in the mountains. Piccolo trembled in fury and apprehension at the lookout. Gohan called off the class he was teaching; Goten and Trunks left their fruit smoothies half-eaten at the megamall. Krillan left the picnic with his family and Yamcha drove his aircar into a stop sign (again). All gazed in horror in the direction of the staggering ki.

Just outside West City, the saiyajin no ouji- in a pleasant mood for a change- studiously prepared a pile of sandwiches, rice balls and soups for himself and his mate. The mustard-covered knife fell from his hand as the ki hit his senses, a spark of awareness flashing through his head. His eyes grew wide, trembling in horror. "No... it can't be. Not now. Not NOW!"

*Cut to the opening title sequence.*

The Head Cha La theme song played, and short clips ran of the fighters sparring, showing off their power, or happily going about their daily lives. The saiyans blazed in glory at all their potential levels, and performed fusion. The great dragon twined in the sky, Gohan studied, and teenage Goten and Trunks caused mischief. A general feeling of hope and triumph and justice was conveyed. Surprisingly, the montage included a still frame picturing photo album snapshots of Bulma and Chichi, each happily posing with new men.

The last scene showcased Goku and Vegeta blasting happily through the air, a true smile on Vegeta's face! They landed at their little capsule house on the county outskirts, and shoujo sparkles and pastel lights surrounded them for a moment as they gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. The music ended with a flourish as Goku dipped Vegeta for a loverly kiss.

The title appeared on the screen, which the announcer then declared to the audience: "Cojack, the Super Amazing Guy! Goku and Vegeta's Splendid New Attack."

*Cut back to the forest.*

A huge, grey metallic spaceship was shown to be the caster of the shadow, currently belching out droves of yelling, uniformed soldiers.

"Spread out, men!" A grand voice demanded.

Splash shot of a huge, musclebound figure hovering before the ship, supervising the actions of his men. "Be swift and merciless. I want this planet conquered within three days- and you know what happens to those who disappoint me."

"Sir, yes, sir! We go to obey orders!"

Just before the droves of men could speed off out of the forest, they all stopped short as the Z fighters, minus Goku and Vegeta, fazed into sight before them, radiating fierce resolve and defiance. Piccolo stepped forward as team spokesperson, and looked the boss man over. Except for different clothes, he looked exactly the same as Bojack, but with orange skin and blue hair.

"So," he snarled. "You are the source of that great ki we felt. This is our planet. What do you want here?"

The huge man quirked an amused smile, and chuckled. "Ah, so it seems this backwater blue rock does have some fighters with the guts to resist."

He gave a shallow bow. "A good day to you. I am Cojack, space pirate and intergalactic businessman extraordinaire. My brother Bojack and I were held within the same imprisonment, and I was released also when it was broken by the death of the North Kai. He and I traveled in opposite directions, conquering worlds as we went. I hear that he was slaughtered on this planet. I plan to avenge him, and make a pretty profit while I'm at it by enslaving these humans and stripping their planet of all its resources to sell to the highest bidder."

"Thanks for the backstory," Piccolo said, sweatdropping.

"Yes, well... Save yourself some time and trouble and don't try to stop me. My power is immeasurably higher than my brother's, and my army and I are undefeated throughout the cosmos. I'll make you a bargain though. Whoever killed my brother must perish, but since you all seem to be worthy fighters, I will spare you the indignity of slavery. Join my ranks, or die."

Piccolo moved protectively in front of Gohan. "To hell with you and your bargains!"

Numerous fight scenes followed. The human fighters fared well against Cojack's soldiers, but were overwhelmed by their sheer numbers. Goten and Trunks tried fusion, but since they'd been more concerned with video games and hanging out at the mall with friends instead of training, the fusion resulted in the fat, gassy version of Gotenks and they had to sit out the duration of the superpowered rumble. Piccolo and Gohan destroyed Cojack's top men, but failed against the big guy himself.

Cojack punched Gohan away, and just as he was about to deliver the killing blow to Piccolo, a deep, stentorian voice roared out: "STOP!"

All battles halted, all heads turned toward the source of the command. Gotenks popped apart in the background as Goku and Vegeta floated toward Cojack, grim determination etched upon their faces.

Goku punched a fist into his other hand, smirking. "Ah, this will be a great fight."

Vegeta took the lead, however, stabbing a finger toward the enormous man as his teeth bared in fury. "You... How dare you. I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you! You bastard. How dare you come here now!"

The Z senshi all leaned forward, highly interested. Did Vegeta know this man, have a vendetta against him? Had Cojack or his kin caused him injury in the past, betrayed him, dishonored him? Did Vegeta have some great vengeance to enact in order to restore a facet of his saiyajin honor and pride, once thought lost forever, but now within reach with this man's defeat?

"Damn you!" he roared, throwing his head back, energy blazing around his powerful form and billowing his black hair with its force. Exploding volcanos reflected in his eyes.

"It's all your fault. Because of you- I'M GOING TO MISS MY SOAP!!!"

The Z fighters, the villain, and 200 soldiers all fell over at once.

Goku recovered first. "Gah! Again with that. Vegeta, forget that dumb soap! We've got a supervillain bent on destroying the earth here, and I want to have a great fight."

"No! Today's the day that Sheryl Ann is reunited with the baby that her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend Betsy stole from her to pass off as her own in hopes of drawing said ex-boyfriend back into her arms. Betsy will finally get what's coming to her!"

Vegeta clasped his hands together and held them up to his cheek, while his eyes went huge and sparkly and rivers of tears cascaded down his face. "Oh sweet Sheryl Ann! She'll be so happy to find out that her little firstborn son didn't die!"

A bizarre fantasy ran through his mind involving a pointy-haired, scowling baby that was rescued from an evil, cross-dressing Frieza and returned to an angelic saiyan woman's arms. "Ahh..."

Goku hovered up behind him, holding open a fat book titled The Ultimate DBZ Guide. "Ah, Geta, you do remember that your character is 'tortured badboy hardass prince,' not '14-year-old drama queen.'"

"Shut up! Can't I show any emotion at all? This is an Oscar-worthy performance, here!"

"Geta, I'm telling you, that kid will probably be in college before Sheryl Ann gets him back."

"No, she gets him back today- it said so in the sneak peeks on the official 'Secrets and Lies' website. And you're making me miss it!" he roared at the villain.

"Er, pardon me for interrupting, but what in the world is a soap?"

"Oh, it's a campy daily drama that women like to watch." Krillan explained to Cojack.

"What was that?!"

"Sorry, Vegeta," Krillan said, cringing, "but it is! The rest of us just don't understand what you see in that show."

Vegeta wilted in despair. "I don't know either. I- I want the bad guys to get their comeuppance! If I keep watching it has to happen sooner or later."

"Forget the soap, Vegeta, we have to save the earth!" Goku cut in brusquely. "Half of tomorrow's show will just be a repeat of what happens today anyway."

"I want to see it when it really happens, not a review! Grrr... Come on, Kakarot, put this guy away fast."

"Now, Geta, I want to have a good, memorable fight to savor. It's a really strong guy. You like fighting those too! Remember, 'the fight's the thing,'" he snickered.

"Stop mutilating Shakespeare quotes and do this now!"

"But it's been ages since we've had a Really Strong Guy to fight. I want to enjoy it."

"You and your 'really strong guys.' Kakarot, you know as well as I do that he's more powerful than any of us. None of us stand a chance in individual combat and I don't want you wasting time trying it! I want to get home."

Goku glowered and sulked, folding his arms. "Fine, fine. I'll do the genki dama."

"Uh-uh. No way. You use that damn genki dama way too much. Every time we have a superpowered enemy, you finish him with the genki dama."

"Hey, it works! Why mess with a good thing? And I don't use it all the time, I use variations on a theme. We've used fusion before, and the last guy I beat with dragonfist, that was cool, huh? What are you suggesting, if it's not one of those?"

Vegeta grinned maniacally to himself, then sent a surprise ki blast at Goku, vaporizing his clothes into oblivion. "We have to have sex right now!"

Goku yelped at the sudden draft. "Wah! Huh? Geta, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Implementing my plan. Us. Sex. Now. I'm seme."

"In front of everybody?! And no way are you gonna be seme again, you were seme the last two times, you top-hog!"

"Will you just shut up and trust me?"

"No, forget it. This sucks, Vegeta. I want to fight this guy."

Vegeta puffed, almost ready to fly off into a rage, but kept his cool and tried manipulation instead. "Look, trust me. This way I can have some fun with you, get home in time for my show, and you can be the hero again like I know you enjoy so much. Everybody wins. And I ask you to be uke not out of any selfish desire- oh no!- but because the stronger and more resilient partner needs to be on bottom," he wheedled, running a finger up Goku's bare arm.

"Oh, well..." Goku knew he was being flattered, but such rare, ego-stroking comments from the prince were tempting bait. He ground his teeth and glared at Vegeta for a few silent moments, then achieved a state of calm.

"Fine, we'll do it your way."

"Yes!" Vegeta pumped his fist in the air.

"BUT," Goku added, throwing a retaliatory sucker-blast to Geta that blew away his clothes as well, "you have to be uke for a whole week."

"What?! You've got to be kidding. A whole week, seven days in a row? I'll never make it!"

"Oh well, I guess you couldn't handle me for that long," Goku said lightly, shrugging. "Time for the genki dama!"

"Rrrr, alright, alright, you asshole. You just can't let me get away with anything, can you?"

"Heh-heh."

"Okay, bargain's done. Come on, let's do this, chop-chop! First I need you to go level three."

Goku nodded. He threw his head back and let the transformation sweep over him, every muscle burgeoning and swelling with power as the golden aura enveloped his body, hair flowing down his back like a fountain and brow growing low and menacing.

"Is this what you wanted, Vegeta?"

"Yesss," Vegeta hissed, running his tongue over his lips as he enjoyed the impressive view. "Time to get started."

"But what's your plan- AH!"

Vegeta phased out of sight only to reappear at Goku's back. He held his hips tight and immediately began an oral assault on the tail spot, dragging his tongue across the scar in alternating broad and narrow strokes, driving the tip in hard.

"Just leave it to me, and follow my lead," he said between slurps. "Trust me, this'll be great."

"Uh! Hah... 'Trust me,' he says. Na-ah!"

Vegeta grabbed Goku around the waist and pulled him backward so they floated in a half-reclined position, making himself into a human- er, saiyan- chair for Goku to rest on.

The hair proved an unexpected problem, though.

"Pfft. Pfft! Plaugh!" Vegeta spit strands of blonde out of his mouth and attempted to blow them out of his face. It was rather hard to work with a heavy five-foot blanket of hair in his way. He considered just snipping off the long locks with two ki-enhanced fingers, but decided against it; with his crummy luck, Kakarot would wind up with a large bald spot when he returned to normal.

Geta settled on parting the hair in the middle, throwing a section over each shoulder so his head poked through the center, and wearing it like a spiky cape. He congratulated himself as the master of resourcefulness, not realizing how silly he looked draped in a curtain of hair.

A hot mouth teased Goku's ear, tongue tracing around the curve of the outer shell and along the back, then sucked on the lobe and trailed down the line of his jaw.

Hands reached around to cup and knead the heaving pectorals, pinching and twisting the erect nipples and then rubbing them to soothe. He removed his hands just long enough to spit in the palms, clap them together and rub swiftly. One returned to a nipple while the other began to pump the already hard shaft. He ground his own member into Goku's backside, switching off to caress his swelling balls one moment and the tail spot the next.

"Uhhh... ahh- Come on, Vegeta, I want it," he demanded. "Come on!"

"Oh, so now you're in a hurry. What about savoring a great battle? I ought to make you wait."

"Do it now, asshole! Or I'll break your arm!"

A thrill rattled through Vegeta. "God, I love it when you talk violent."

Vegeta thrust hard into the waiting entrance, seating his lover flush against him. Goku yowled in ecstasy at the sudden invasion, and Vegeta himself had to take a moment to regain his composure, the intense heat and tightness of the ssj3 enough to make him swoon. "Ah, god you're tight..."

"Hhhrrrgghh... Move, move!"

Vegeta lurched into action, slowly establishing a rhythm, steadily gaining in speed and force.

"Uhh... God... Shit, yeah. Harder, Geta... Right there! Oh, god, yeah- right there, again!"

Vegeta's face strained in concentration as he hammered Kakarot's prostate, Goku seeing starbursts with each slam in. Each stroke pushed him further and further to the brink.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Just a little more... almost..."

"Ah-ah-ah, you can't come just yet, koi," Vegeta teased, panting. He reached up through Goku's legs, made a ring with his forefinger and thumb and pinched the base of the straining cock hard, just seconds before Goku could fire out. His thrusts returned to a torturously slow pace.

"Ahh! What the hell are you doing, Geta?! Let me cum!"

"No, Kakarot, you have to hold it back until I tell you."

"Geta, you bastard, I'm gonna kill you for this!"

"Heh, you're not exactly in the position to be doing anything to me right now, I think."

Goku snarled, hands flailing as he tried to get a grasp on the man behind him, but Vegeta molded himself so tightly to Goku's back that he couldn't find a hold.

"Looks like I've got you right where I want you, again. What a great show for everyone- Ow-Ow-Ow!"

Goku had found Vegeta's hair, fisting his fingers in and yanking hard.

"I'm gonna kill you, Geta! Make me cum, now!"

"Ouch! Stop it, Kakarotto, you're going to rip my hair out! The plan, remember? I need you to hold it in, and focus your power in your abdomen. You have to follow my lead, or it won't work." His thrusts began to gain in force again.

Goku thrashed his head wildly, loosening the hold on Vegeta's hair but not releasing it.

"Ahh... Ah!"

Several times Vegeta brought the screeching warrior to the brink of orgasm, only to deny him, till Goku was frustrated and furious beyond belief, only barely keeping hold of his senses enough to retain the third form and focus his energy as instructed.

Vegeta felt he had a raging golden bull by the tail- a thrill, to be sure, but woe to those who found themselves caught in his path.

Friends and enemies simply hung on the sidelines and gaped, eyes big as saucers. Yamcha and Krillan kicked back and chatted about how the Titans were doing in the playoffs. Cojack could have easily attacked the saiyans in their vulnerable position, but he was too stunned to move. After all, what kind of planet offers two crazy men having sex as their best defense?

A nervous soldier floated over to Yamcha. "Uhh... is this sort of thing common practice on your planet?"

"Hah! Only for Goku and Vegeta."

"But what are they doing?"

"Beats me. Ever since they got together, Vegeta's been so happy he's mellowed out to the extreme and gotten a bit dotty. Goku just indulges him."

Krillan nodded in agreement, sweatdropping.

"Say, mister, why don't you just ditch this Cojack guy and take off while you still can?"

"Oh, no!" the soldier said. "We have taken an oath of loyalty to our great leader. To leave would besmirch our honor."

"Oh, well, it was nice knowing you then. Tell King Enma that Yamcha, friend of Son Goku referred you, he might give you a good deal on your next reincarnation-"

The soldier ran off screaming into the horizon.

"Man, he's awfully sensitive for a soldier."

"Aiiii-ahh!" All eyes turned back to Goku as his howls reached new heights.

"Don't just hang there like sides of beef, you bakas!" Vegeta snarled at them, blazing straight up from normal to ssj2. Goku yowled even louder at the change in power. "Send me all of your ki, and I'll send it to Kakarot!"

"Oh, yeah. Right!"

The others snapped out of their trance and sent their power to Vegeta, who acted as a conduit to his partner. Goku writhed and whimpered and cursed for release.

Vegeta's pounding reached a fever pitch, his hand trembling with exhaustion from the force it took to keep the constrictive grip on that powerful cock. "Almost there, koi, hang on."

Goku couldn't speak, only emit garbled moans and the occasional, "Gonna kill you, Geta!" Delirious with lust, overwhelmed and overflowing with the volume and power of the hot, radiating ki channeling continuously into him, he felt ready to burst apart into a supernova at any moment. Finally he was saturated with all the energy they could spare; he could feel it trying to leak out through his pores.

"Okay, that's more than enough!" Vegeta shouted cheerily. He turned them both in the air to face the enemy head-on and aimed his weapon of choice. A psychotic grin stretched over his features, and the Z fighters quickly fled into the sky behind him.

"Alright, mother fuckers! Take this one to the bank. I call it the Kakarot Special Beam Sex Cannon! Aaaaaaannnd..."

He released the engorged phallus, swollen to mammoth proportions despite the pinch, made one last, extra hard thrust up against the prostate, and bit him in the neck. "Fire!!!"

"Yaaaa-AHHHHH!!!"

Cojack and his men couldn't even think to run. Instantly Goku arced, climax barreling through him like a freight train. An orgasm of heretofore inconceivable force materialized as a raging jet of atomic-powered jism, engulfing Cojack and his men and his ship, searing away every molecule of their existence with a deluge of white hot ki and cum.

Fifteen seconds later the spray dwindled and ran out at last, Goku had screamed himself hoarse, and he slumped over in Vegeta's arms, nearly passed out. A warm, milky rain pattered noisily onto the forest below.

So ended the pirating career of the villainous Cojack, defeated by the world's first- and only- ejaculatory attack.

Vegeta pulled out, shook his noggin clear, then rattled Goku, grinning, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. A halo of stars and mini-pterodactyls circled Gokus' head.

"Spectacular job! Now that's the way to end a movie. Good work, big guy, I knew you could do it- that's why you're hero of earth. It wasn't so bad, now was it?"

"Fuaaaa..."

"And now you even have a brand-new attack to add to your impressive repertoire of techniques: the CUM-mehamaha."

Vegeta tucked Goku under one arm, and checked his watch. "Okay then! Done and done, and with four minutes to spare. Just enough time to fly home, put on the tea, and eat lunch in front of the TV. Victory!"

Goku began to rouse, his head wobbling upward to gaze around him. He looked like nothing so much as a tripped-out hippie love child.

"Ooohhh! All my good friends are heeerre..." he drawled, holding his arms out to them. "I love you guys. I love all you guys! Gohan, Goten, Daddy loves you! My good friends, who came out to help meee... Wooow... It felt like I was cumming for all of you!"

"Alright, Kakarot, that's enough!" Vegeta snapped, eyelid twitching with annoyance at that last statement. "Good gods..."

"Wooow."

"Give speeches later, it's time to go. I'm coming, Sheryl Ann!" Geta pointed heroically in the direction of home, and then there was only a smoky trail of ozone left to indicate his passing.

Silence fell upon the remaining fighters. A lonely wind and a few dry leaves flew through the air.

"Well!" said Yamcha, breaking the stillness. "That's it. I officially QUIT."

"I'm with him. From now on I am only Krillan, loving father and husband."

Tien collected a shellshocked Chaoutzu and turned to go. "I'm getting lost in the mountains. Don't ever try to find me again."

Gohan and Goten burst into hysterical tears and flew into each other's arms.

"Oh, Mister Piccolo! I'm going to need years of somatic trauma therapy and systematic desensitization!"

"Take me with you to your sessions, Gohan!"

Piccolo scowled and sweatdropped and patted Gohan on the shoulder, furious at Goku and Vegeta for their idiocy. Poor kids. It's not every day you see your father used as a sex cannon.

Trunks watched the others retreat till he was alone above the recovering landscape. He looked around the area, stared down at the treetops covered with a sheen of pearly jism.

"I dunno," he said to himself. "I thought it was one of Goku's better attacks..."

*Cut to the outside of Goku and Vegeta's house.*

A TV suddenly crashed through the kitchen window, coming to rest among ten others of its kind in a pile of circuitry, wires, and glass below.

"It was a dream sequence?! Goddamn this stupid soap!!

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As the credits rolled, still frames and choice scenes from the film were shown, while a fitting soundtrack played: the Japanese pop remake of the 1986 Pat Benatar song, "Sex as a Weapon."

The End

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Hmm. I'm starting to see why the cultists destroyed this movie...

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Goku: I have never been so embarrassed. How does she come up with this stuff?

Vegeta: AH-hahahah! That was awesome! Kakarot the sex cannon!

G: (cringing) Yeesh, how much espresso have you had this time, Geta?

V: Three pots, my personal best! Yeah!

G: Geta, that's not something to get competitive over!

V: All things provide the opportunity for competition. Bow to the prince, baby!

G: Yeah, right. (slings him over his shoulder) Your week starts now, mister.

V: (double victory sign) It was worth it!

-

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Right, the lyrics. You sure you want them? They're not that great, really; I only paid attention to the refrain. Oh alright, here they are:

Sex as a weapon -Pat Benatar1986

You really do know how to strut that stuff (strut that stuff)
You really do know how to act tough (act tough)
Your body's just like a centerfold
A fantasy (a fantasy), anyone would want to hold

Chorus:

Stop using Sex As A Weapon
Stop using Sex As A Weapon
You know you're already my obsession
Stop (stop) using Sex As A Weapon
Love is more than a one way reflection
Stop (stop) using Sex As A Weapon

With looks that kill and a mind that's twisted (twisted)
I don't know why I can't resist it (resist it)
I tell myself look the other way (other way)
When you want me to (when you want me to)
I, I always stay

(Chorus)

You play with desire like it was a toy (toy)
How much affection can you destroy?
You wrap my heart around your little finger
Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex As A Weapon

Stop using Sex As A Weapon
Stop using Sex

(Chorus)

Stop using Sex As A Weapon
Stop using Sex As A Weapon
Stop using Sex
Stop using Sex As A Weapon
Stop using Sex (stop using sex, stop using sex)
Sex As A Weapon, As A Weapon

:)P