Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Piccolo Show! ❯ The Piccolo Show! ( Prologue )

The Piccolo Show!

( Disclaimer- Dragon Ball belongs to that man...y'know, the one who's Japanese and...ah screw it! It belongs to him, okay?)

(Warning: What you are about to read is complete and utter stupidity and the author should be locked up in an asylum for life. This fic is not one of her better works--not implying that she ever had better works--and was written in the result of reading Jerry Springer's biography which her mother had bought for a quarter. Yes, a quarter. You have been warned.)

_______________________________________________________________ ________

Strange and MysteriousVoice:Welcome to 'The Piccolo Show!'. On today's show, we feature a man from outer space who will soon find out that his friend is having an affair with his granddaughter! Now let's welcome our lean and green host, Piccolo!

Piccolo: Hello and welcome to 'The Piccolo Show!'. I'm Piccolo. You already heard from the strange, mysterious voice that cam out of nowhere and threatens me in my dreams, what's on today's show. So please welcome Son Goku everybody!!!

Audience: *claps and cheers*

Goku: *walks on stage with a puzzled expression* What am I doing here?

Piccolo: So Goku, tell me about your granddaughter.

Goku: Pan? She's a little angel who I love very much.

Audience: Aww....

Piccolo: Does she have a boyfriend?

Goku: *Scratches head* No, I don't think so....

Piccolo: Well, let's welcome Pan to the show!

Pan: *struts on stage and sits next to Goku* Hi everyone!

Piccolo: So Pan, tell your grandfather about your 'boyfriend'.

Pan: Grandfather, I'm sleeping with Vegeta.

Goku: *stares at her blankly*

Pan: Grandfather?

Goku: WHAT THE HELL? VEGETA?!

Piccolo: Let's welcome Vegeta to the show!

Vegeta: *Comes out and blows up the left side of the audience when they start to 'boo'*

Audience: ......(basically, they're scared stiff)

Piccolo: Vegeta, how long have you been having this affair with Pan?

Vegeta: How the hell should I know, Namek? She was there and I was horny! That earth woman I live with can never satisfy my needs!

Audience: *Starts to boo but then Vegeta looks at them and they shut up*

Goku: Why you son of a *sugar muffin*! Wait until I--

Piccolo: Watch the language Goku! Pan, does your father know about this?

Pan: No, why?

Piccolo: Let's welcome Gohan to the show!

Gohan: What the hell, Piccolo? You have a show?

Piccolo: It makes good money so shut the *pumpkin pie* up before I decide to blow up your saiyan ass! Now, did you know that Pan has been having an affair with Vegeta?

Gohan: WHAT THE HELL? VEGETA'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR GRANDFATHER!!!

Goku: Actually, he's older!

Pan: Daddy, I didn't mean to!

Gohan: Just like you didn't mean to screw Trunks, Ubuu, Krillin, Marron, Tien, Yamcha, Dende, Piccolo, and Puar, right?

Pan: ..........

Gohan: Listen young lady, you're grounded! No more screwing people for....one week!

Pan: uh...okay...

Gohan: *sits back feeling satisfied with himself*

Piccolo: That was...odd...anyways, let's welcome Vegeta's daughter Bra to the show!

Audience: *whistles and hoots at Bra....then Vegeta looks at them and they shut up*

Bra: Sick Dad! You're doing it with my friend? And Pan, I thought you were going out with my brother!

Piccolo: Let's welcome Bra's brother Trunks to the show!

Trunks: Pan, you dirty *cookie muncher*!!! You were doing it with my Dad?

Pan: Well, I guess this isn't a good time to tell everyone that I'm pregnant I don't know who the father is....

Bra: *Throws a pie in Pan's face*

Pan: Eww...coconut! You're such a *sour lemon*!!!!!

Bra: What?! Well you're a *rotten apple*

Pan: Excuse me, you *meanie poo*

Bra: That's right you *Hershey bar*

Pan: I don't need this from you, *mountain dew*

Bra: *candy stand*!

Pan:*candy cane*!

Bra:*ice cream*

Pan:* Kit Kat bar*

Audience: oooohh......

Piccolo: What the *Doritos* did I say about the language you little *smiley face fries*

Gohan: *goes up to Trunks and starts beating the crap out of him*

Goku: *Goes up to Vegeta and starts beating the crap out of him*

Security Guys: *come in but get blown to bloody pieces so Piccolo steps in and beats the crap out of all four saiyans*

Audience: Pic-co-lo!!!!

Pic-co-lo!!!!

Bra: That is one *cutie cat* -up chant!

Piccolo: Now sit your dirty *lollipop* down and let me welcome Bulma to the show!

Audience: *singing* Wiggle it, just a little bit....

Bulma: Vegeta! You sick *truffles* !!! *slaps him* No more gravity room for you!

Vegeta: What?! Woman, you can't do this to me! You can't! *starts to sob hysterically* I waaaant myyyy graaaaaaviiiityyyy roooooommmmmm!!!!!!!!!!

Pan: I can't believe I slept with him...

Bulma: Shut up Vegeta or no desserts either!

Vegeta: *shuts up*

Piccolo: What are your feelings on this issue, Bulma?

Bulma: What else, it's sickening! And to even think that both my husband and son were involved with this...this...*sugar plum*!!!

Piccolo: But you have a secret to tell Vegta, don't you?

Bulma: Yes, Vegeta, I've been having an affair with Goten.

Vegeta: That third class baka?

Bra: *starts to sob* Mom!!!!!I was going out with him! I mean, like, eww!!!!

Trunks: He's a year younger then me!

Goku: He's my son!

Gohan: Why can't you people stay away from our family?

Vegeta: So many questions, so little time...

Everyone: *looks at him*

Vegeta: What? Stop looking before I terminate you all!!!!

Piccolo: Let's welcome Goten to the show!

Gohan: Will you stop saying that?

Goten: *walks in and sits on Bulma's lap* Hey Bulma!

Bra: I hate you Goten! You used me!

Goten: Yeah, I know!

Bra: Fine! How would you feel if I did this? * goes up to Goku and starts to make out with him*

Vegeta: HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY DAUGHTER YOU PIECE OF *coleslaw* !!!!

Goku: !!!!!!!

Goten: Actually Bra, I don't really care. That's like making out with your Grandfather!

Bra: Eww!*Throws Goku out a window and takes off her shoe and throws it at Gotens head*

Goten: *passes out since high heels are deadly*

Goku: *crawls back in*

Vegeta: Bra...you were involved with that...that....*dumpling cheeks*?

Bra: *sniffs* I guess I should tell you guys now that I've been having an affair with Gohan!

Gohan: You weren't supposed to tell!

Vegeta: WHAT?! * goes SSJ4*

Gohan: Well, you're sleeping with my daughter! *Goes SSJ2*

Piccolo: SIT DOWN BEFORE I RAPE BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gohan and Vegeta: *sit down with wide eyes*

Piccolo: Alright, well, I guess it's time for Goku to reveal his secret!

Goku: Alright!!!!!I was feeling left out. Now what was I going to say again....oh yeah! Gohan, I've been sleeping with Videl!

Gohan: My wife?!

Piccolo: Please welcome Videl to the show!

Videl: Sorry Gohan, but it turns out I don't like smart guys after all!

Goku: Was I just dissed?

Gohan: You *tootsie pop*!!!

Piccolo: Well, let's say what Chi Chi has to say about this!

Chi Chi: *runs in and attacks Videl with a frying pan but Goku pulls her away so she attacks him instead and nobody cares*

Piccolo: So Chi Chi, you wanted to tell Goku something?

Chi Chi:*stops smacking Goku* Yes I do, Mr. Piccolo. Goku, I am having an affair with Krillin and Mr. Satan. And during our very long marriage, I also forgot to mention that Vegeta is Gotens father.

Vegeta: NANI?

Goten: WHAT?

Goku: POUR QUOI?

Vegeta: NANI?

Goten: WHAT?

Goku: POUR QUOI?

Vegeta: NANI?

Goten: WHAT?

Goku: POURQU---

Trunks: SHUT THE * chocolate chip cookie* UP YOU PIECES OF

* marshmallows*!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bra: I was screwing my half brother?

Bulma: No, no, dear. Actually, Master Roshi is your father!

Bra: What the *honeybee*???

*Trunks and Goten are laughing hysterically*

*Pan and Vegeta are making out*

*Chi Chi is smacking Goku*

*Videl is hitting on Piccolo*

*Gohan and Bra are nowhere to be seen*

*Bulma is flashing the audience and some men are placing dollar bills between her breasts*

Piccolo: So that ends our show for today, with a message that---get away from me human girl, I am asexual. ASEXUAL. Do you know what that means? No-don't reach down there. See?---as I was saying, don't sleep with friends of the family because it all becomes very confusing.

Updates!!!!!

Gohan was forced to marry Bra after she threatened to tell everyone about his little romp with Trunks and about his stash to gay porno magazines of Tuxedo Mask and Elmo. Videl has become a professional stalker of Piccolo and has been arrested six times already. Goten had become a male prostitute and Master Roshi is one of his daily customers along with Oolong and Mr. Satan. Chi Chi is still smacking Goku. Pan had found out that the father of her baby is Puar and now scientists are examining her to see how that is humanly possible. Vegeta is back with Bulma and Trunks has become a crossdresser named 'Shana' who has his/her (?) own line of birth control pills and gay troll dolls.