Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Tragedy of Mary Sue ❯ A loser's long day ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Once upon a time, there was a girl, who fell into the world of Dragonball Z. At home, this girl was something of a loner. Always left out, always chosen last, whether it be for academic or sporting events, never very good at anything from hopscotch to arm wrestling.

She was pretty good at channel surfing, however, and she could usually figure her way around the internet, as long as she used AOL. Email was something of a challenge, as that stupid spell check could never figure out what she was talking about. Whenever she wrote altirite yunivirse or orginil carictir, it simply couldn't catch the gist of her thought.

She often pondered whether it would be worth her time to learn to spell, but she had long-since decided that since English was just her first language, she should save learning to spell for Japanese. After all, she DID wish that she were Japanese, and if she learned words like 'baka' and 'chikuso' and 'onna', it might just come true someday. Even if it didn't, she could pretend that she was Japanese. Just because she was from the whitest town in Kansas, didn't mean that she couldn't really be a manga artist from Tokyo, kimono and all.

The popular perception of the girl, let's just call her Mary, was that she was weak, annoying, and stupid. Mary, however, thought different. After all, self-esteem is good--that's something that she learned on IALAC Day (I Am Loveable And Capable). She didn't really think that she had to put any effort into actually being a good person, or working to improve her grades, sour disposition, and general lack of talents.

After all, as Levinas and Other philosophers like to say, each human is unique in their incredible DIFFERENCE. In the fact that they are infinite and infinitely unknowable. Of course, Mary knew nothing about Levinas. In fact if asked, she would probably have said that a filosofer was a new brand of soap, or maybe an Asian take-out place.

No, Mary didn't care. In her mind, she was the strongest person in the whole world. She could fly, and shoot ki beams from her hands and eat incredible amounts of food whilst maintaining her slender yet athletic figure. She was mind-blowingly attractive, and not only could she have her choice of men, she could probably have her choice of women, too. Yes, this is what Mary thought to herself, deep in her heart, and so deluded was the poor girl, this is exactly what she believed, no matter what anyone else might tell her.

Unfortunately for Mary, she was wrong, and everyone else was right. She was half-hearted in all that she attempted, not an idiot, but certainly not blessed in the brains department. She probably could have made progress in her studies, or in any other thing she chose, had she actually chosen to TRY. Of course, she didn't need to. Mary may have been lazy, incompetent and boring in the real world, but who needs the real world? She had a lovely land of fanfics that no one understood. Not her parents, not her peers, not even her stupid word processor which couldn't even figure out what PikiloXGoten Hentai YOAI meant. No, Mary had no patience with the real world, but her own mind...oooh, the possibilities.

So after a long boring day at school (during which she studiously ignored the grammar mistakes that her evil teacher pointed out in her homework) the girl made a wish. Wishes are uncertain things. Wishing pools don't always take the bait, four leaf clovers sometimes have plastic surgery to turn from B-cup clovers into D-cup four leaf, and shooting stars might just be evil aliens falling from the sky to attempt world domination, but give a girl a word processor and a self-aggrandizing, overactive, perverted, not-too-original imagination, and lo and behold: wishes come true.

Mary looked around with unastounded delight as she found herself in the world of Dragonball Z. Now that she was here, she was certain that everyone else would see herself exactly as she was–smart, beautiful, funny and incredibly powerful. Little did she know that the vain wishings of her own imagination weren't just boring–they were painfully boring, poorly written and grammatically incorrect. But did that bother the girl? Of course not.

Setting out on her quest, Mary was delighted to discover that she was a Saiyajin. Of course it didn't come as any big surprise to her–she WAS beautiful and powerful and all of that other stuff. Why wouldn't she be a Saiyajin? They were the coolest race in the universe, and just because a maniacal tyrant had tried to destroy them, that didn't mean he actually HAD. Of COURSE there were at least a few Saiyajin females left, or at least ONE. That was her: The Last Female Saiyajin.

Pondering as she walked, Mary made a difficult decision. It was one that nagged at her constantly--she just couldn't figure out which one was right for her. Which one deserved her. But, for this adventure at least, she had reached resolution--it had to be Vegeta. She deserved nothing but the best, and Vegeta was a prince, which would make her a princess. There was, of course, the little matter of him being a surly bastard prone to bouts of ego, rage and destruction, but like every good romance novel demonstrates, she was sure that the right girl (namely herself) could make him melt into a quivering puddle of ooey gooey mushiness.

Now all she had to do was find him. It would be a tragic and entirely perilous journey, skimpy on the details, but definitely traumatic and all of that other good stuff.

***Mary was walking. It was hot/cold and dusty/snowy. She'd walked at least a mile--she knew that feeling from trudging around her high school track during gym period, and her feet were getting sore. Luckily, it didn't occur to her to fly–had she thought of it, she might have tried and her illusions would have been callously dispelled, and we wouldn't want that, now would we? No, thankfully, Mary left flying to the birdies and toughed it out, glumly sodding through some rotten yet suitably vague climate for a period of time. When she finally found Vegeta, it would make the climax better, after all.

Finally, after wandering through the desert/jungle/ocean for awhile, she arrived bruised and battered at Capsule Corporation in the heart of Satan City.

Now, whist wandering, Mary had naturally undergone several TSO's (Terrible and Scarring Ordeals). TSO's were necessary components to creating reader sympathy. Besides, she had to endure pitiful and scarring trials in order for the Saiyajin Prince identify with her, and later find her admirable.

First had come the Terrible portion of the TSO's, and though terrible is, of course, in the mind of the beholder, Mary was pretty certain that her readers could scarcely fail to identify with her pain and misery.

The T of the Scarring Ordeal had begun as Mary had wandered through the vague yet terrible place of indeterminate yet definitely icky climate. She had fallen, and had a scraped knee. Falling down was miserable, it always hurt, and she had been afraid that she might have broken a bone. Glancing at her skinned knee, she had seen blood welling up through the shallow slash, but she hadn't cried. Instead, she had bitten back her tears and sniffled pitifully, thinking how wonderfully tragic this made her, as the main character.

The next trial faced by our soon-to-be princess, had been the realization that not only had her parents died when Vegeta-sei had blown up, but that she had been horribly tortured by Frieza, right alongside Vegeta so many years ago. It was traumatic, and Scarring, but she was glad that it had happened. After all, think how happy Vegeta would be to see his childhood love, the mysterious girl from his past who had gone through so much with him, the only female Saiyajin left alive.

The girl had felt a bit guilty at that thought, knowing that Bulma loved the prince, and that he loved her too, but she quickly brushed that aside, writing the blue-haired woman off as a skanky drug-abusing whore who was cheating on Vegeta with Krillin, Yamucha, Tien and probably Chi-Chi as well.

And now, finally, after wandering the desolate wilderness, and later, the city streets for almost three hours, she had arrived here, at Capsule Corporation. Here, to her love--her life--her charming Prince.

Mary took a deep breath, pushing her gorgeous, inky, waist length Saiyajin locks out of her startling gold-colored eyes which were framed with heavy black lashes. She wasn't usually big on detail, but seeing as she was describing herself, the Last Saiyajin Female, she went all out.

Mary pursed her red/rosy/ruddy/rouge/blush/cherry/vermillion/wine colored lips, and adjusted her waist length scarlet tunic which was drenched in intricate gold threading in the shape of flowers and birds of paradise, complementing the loose black silk capris which whispered over dainty ankles gently skimmed by yet more gold threads which whispered down and nearly touched the ornate black velvet shoes that encased her tiny feet.

Mary figured that her outfit deserved quite a bit of attention and recognition, because up to now, she had been rather amorphous, aside from being stunningly beautiful, and it wouldn't do for Vegeta to see her at anything but her best. Her outfit was, of course, torn and tattered, dusty and bedraggled but still effortlessly upheld the regal beauty that was her birthright, as a member of the Saiyajin nobility, which she was, which she had just forgotten to mention up until now.

Taking a deep breath, Mary turned the knob and entered through the front door of Capsule Corporation--not like Vegeta locks his doors or anything, he's not the paranoid type. Shockingly, astonishingly, predictably, there stood Prince Vegeta, gazing at the Last Living Female Saiyajin in shock.

Mary gave him a tremulous smile. She considered fainting into his arms, as it would be appropriately dramatic, or perhaps bowing at his feet–he wouldn't allow her to stay in such a submissive position for long after all, but he would probably appreciate the adulation. No, wait, she had been going for the confident, cocky, yet bruised persona, right?
Mary smirked. "Hey, Vegeta. Long time no see."Vegeta stared at the girl in shock. It was her…the Last Living Female Saiyajin. His long lost love…the girl-child of his youth. Such things as stoicism, arrogance, pride and rage suddenly flew out the window, along with any concept of fidelity he may have posessed. He wasn't obligated to uphold that last one anyway, since Bulma was sleeping with half of her employees, and poor Gohan too, even though he was only a teenager.

"My LOVE," Vegeta exclaimed, all traces of shock gone from his face as he tenderly swept the girl into his arms, "I thought…I thought Frieza had…" Vegeta couldn't go on, as tears began to glut the corners of his handsome black lashes.

"No," said Mary softly, "Don't cry, my love!" Stepping back she smiled, somehow conveying her terrible history to him in just that one look. It was quite a powerful look, and so it doesn't really need to be explained. Just trust me when I say it was one HELL of a look."What have they done to you…" Vegeta whispered brokenly.

Our hero smiled, dashing the tears from her own eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore, look Vegeta!" She powered up. "I'm a Super Saiyan!" Vegeta's heart grew three sizes as she slipped from Super Saiyan, to level two, three, four, and beyond, to level five. He looked at her with awe, and was about to throw her to the ground and ravish her, when suddenly…someone else took over the story.

***

Vegeta stared at the mewling, pathetic weakling before him, prancing around, pretending to be Saiyajin, let alone, Super Saiyajin. It was a travesty. Worse, she somehow had been able to control his behaviour, making him say and do the most outrageous things.

Grunting in disgust, he threw a small ki blast at the creature and wiped her from existence, incinerating the couch, the lamp, a vaccuum and an end table in the process. Even factoring in the hell that he was going to catch from Bulma, Vegeta knew that destroying the idiotic clown had been worth it.

***
Back in the Real World...Mary Sue screamed in outraged frustration--her word processor had crashed--she would never be able to finish her story, and now she wouldn't get that ONE review that made all 232,002 words worth the effort!

Mary breathed slowly and controlled her Saiyajin temper--oh well. She could just start another one. After all, she WAS the long lost twin sister of Vegeta with no rival in strength, brains or beauty. And Goku was a mighty tempting piece of meat...
***

Back in DBZ WorldGohan worked frantically, sending viruses out left and right, Bulma at his side, slaving to defeat this most-evil menace that attempted to disrupt the relatively-peaceful-aside-from-evil-space-aliens-harmony of their world. He'd started out with the fics that had him sucking on Piccolo's antennae and playing mindless fuck-puppet to everyone from Vegeta to Babidee, but as he'd gotten deeper, he'd just realized the real horror of the situation. It was hopeless.
Gohan stood up, leaving Bulma to the fight, and walked despondently over to a slight, yellow machine that crouched pensively on the lawn in front of his mountain home. Taking up a piece of coal from a conveniently-abandoned coal mine no more than twenty meters from his front door, Gohan scratched the word 'HOPE' on the side of the ship. Like Mirai Trunks before him, Gohan went to the past. He went to a time before computers. There was no hope for his own world, but the charity and love in his heart were so great, that he went anyway. To save another timeline, hopefully. To keep one sacred place, one sanctuary in the multi-verse pure, and untouched by the evil taint, of the Mary Sues.

THE END