Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The waiting time ❯ The begining ( Chapter 1 )

Title; The waiting time (song used; Gloria Estafan; don't wanna loose you)
Rating; G, I guess. *shrugs*
Obligatory Disclaimer; Don't own em…never have…would be rich…more 'don't own em' stuff…
Summary; That would give it away don't you think and before you shout at me when its all over…I am not playing favourites…I just wondered is all. Don't know what started this…the idea just wouldn't let me be, it cried out 'write me, write me.' It was so maddening…so I did. I didn't have anyone to read it over for me, my friend Chaz being indisposed… 'and Alexia can't be trusted to do so without laughing at every single mistake' *Lexi sticks out tongue* so there may be spelling mistakes galore but I tried to get them myself…illusive so and so's. (Oh and if you're still gonna read it…good luck! Hopefully the next chapter will be better. *groans* oh how I sincerely hope) I insist tell me where I went wrong…(just be nice ^_^)

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Here we are
Face to face
We forget time and place
Hold me now
Don't let go
Though it hurts and we both know…
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Another rumble of thunder rippled over the expanse of grey above promptly accompanied by a flash of light that streaked across the sky illuminating a sky of dark heavy clouds.

Was it his imagination…or was the weather only getting worse.

It was a curious kind of weather to be having on a day that had started out with much promise. He hadn't exactly been aware of what kind of weather to expect but it certainly hadn't been this kind of one. He didn't have to strain his hearing to catch the sound of rain against the streets outside it was clear even above the honking that came every now and then. The streetlights that had switched themselves on since the skies had assumed its grey dreary disposition created small orange sunbursts at regular intervals in streets that were now saturated. One such sunburst presently hovered and danced across the thin translucent curtains in time with the draft that came in small puffs of wind finding its way in through the closed window in ways that couldn't be explained…or seen.

Maybe the sounds outside seemed so loud because around him it was silent…except for the beating of his heart and the soft breathing next to him, there was no other sound that filled the room but inside his mind…that was another thing entirely. His conscience was eating him up again and neither the sounds of the rain outside or the silence of the room could not appease it not even the joy at being next to the woman at his side could shut it up. It only seemed to give it more ammunition. Having conveniently been silent till now, it had only reared its in the aftermath of the act he was being so berated for…for what he'd been doing…for even moving down a road that didn't promise a smooth ride but still forging ahead regardless. What had he become? What did he think he was doing…how far would this go, for it wouldn't go far that much he knew. There was no way it could. …Was it worth the risk?

…yes.

Yet that was a purely selfish answer and one that always spontaneously came to mind before any others had a chance to. He was only considering his feelings but somehow he wished that was all that was involved…his feelings…it would make things a whole lot easier. However it didn't just revolve around him, it never had. He realised that once he'd started the whole thing.

He was married. He had a wife, he had a child…they were happy together. If she found out it would break her. It would hurt and he knew it would and it wasn't just because he would be too if the positions were reversed. It couldn't possibly be worth it. It just wasn't right…it wasn't right to continue and think it would never blow up in his face. It was wrong to justify his actions by how much he wanted it, how long he'd waited and yet the 'wrongness' of it all didn't seem to matter each time he came into contact with her…and again his marital status would be conveniently pushed to the back of his mind…the fact that he had a wife at home and a daughter he loved with all his heart. He knew didn't love them any less but it felt like that's what it meant it if he could manage to 'forget' them even for a second or do something so wrong by them.

Wasn't a family all he'd really wanted? They were important to him. He wasn't dissatisfied either…or unhappy, no…he cared about them immensely. Nevertheless, in her eyes…in her eyes everything he had…everything he was …it was all forgotten. He wanted to keep his family…and he wanted to keep her and it was all so confusing because he hadn't had to deal with anything like this before. Nothing so complicated. Usually things were simple…they were either right…or they were wrong.

This was different.

He should do the right thing. Re-right things he shouldn't have done in the first place. Still, it wasn't as easy as it was in theory. Not wanting to hurt his wife would lead to him going through an amount of pain he wasn't sure he would be able to live with and the woman next to him? he would be hurting her too. If he let her go he might as well not live cause he wouldn't be able to return to his life…things would never be the same. He wanted to let go and yet he didn't and he couldn't quite work out whether it was more from selfish intent than the love he professed to feeling for both women. Sometimes he wished he'd just walked away, in crazy moments when he was not about to compromise with himself and allow an excuse but secretly he knew…he knew he was glad he hadn't. How was he supposed to have fought something that felt more 'right' than 'wrong'? It felt like it should have always been, like he was always supposed to be beside her, like it was supposed to have happened that way but something had gone wrong…

Living with what ifs would have been easier. What if's remained in the mind they could taunt, and how they could, but they would never be real enough to reach out and take. You may have regrets over them but all you could do was say 'it wasn't meant to be' and leave it at that no matter how much it hurt. He had many of them.

What if she'd never left?

What if he'd had enough common sense and will power to have walked on by?

What if he'd not taken that particular route?

Only many of his what 'if's' had been so easy to reach out and rectify…a temptation that was more than hard to just sit back and say it wasn't meant to be.

He had to leave…he needed to or he would turn up back home suspiciously late…and above all he hated having to lie about where he'd been…it made him feel sordid. Like he was doing something so deplorable…and wasn't he? What else could cheating on his wife be considered?

A desecration of his marital vows? That sounded too lenient. The lowest thing on earth would suffice even better.

He knew he should leave and he had to but the realisation of what must be done didn't make it any easier to put it into practice. He'd become almost afraid of the parting. The last time they had she'd never said if he would see her again…she'd just left. The time they had together seemed to go by very quickly…suddenly she was with him and the next he was alone again and every time he looked at her he would falter…like he was doing now having turned to his companion to find she wasn't sleeping like he'd at first thought she was. Her eyes seemed unusually bright in a room lit only by the dark greyness of the afternoon. They'd been watching him he realised and as he'd turned to them and they still didn't stop their observation.

So close. That's what came to mind his gaze studying her equally silent. So many thoughts, so many things he really wanted to say but felt he couldn't. He couldn't ask anything of her no matter how he wanted to. He had even less to offer her now…

"What are you thinking about?" was the question she posed to him her voice strangely subdued. His gaze took her in soft strands framing a face that had dogged his every waking thought for as long as he could remember. She was beautiful, so painfully beautiful and hadn't he realised that so long ago just as he did now…only it hadn't hurt so much then, then it had only been the pain of loving someone he couldn't have, pain at her not coming back…not as much as it did recently, not now when there were other people to consider and it only served to taunt him with the one thing he wanted but couldn't have, couldn't resist, would always feel guilty for and would cause him to hurt people he didn't want to. "Nothing." He lied his hand closing round her fingers against the pillow long slender fingers curling into his slightly as he did. He'd more than expected her to pull away but she hadn't. It made him bolder "Juuhachi. I-"

"Don't!" she said harshly snatching her hand from him her expression becoming closed as she turned to lay on her back looking up at the ceiling instead. Some of the warmth he felt dissipated at her brusque tone. "You'll regret it later." She added a bit more gently having seen the hurt expression that had filtered across his face. It felt like she was drifting away from him and he had to bring her back. He reached out touching her hair gently marvelling as it cascaded through his fingers. She looked at him suddenly and he withdrew his hand thinking she was going to snap at him but instead she just stared at him disconcertingly. He waited upon every breath he took with it sounding painfully loud to his hearing but it only seemed so because he was so acutely aware of it above the silence, so caused because he couldn't ever seem to figure out what went on behind those twin orbs of blue.

"This has got to stop." she murmured after a while propping herself up on her elbow. He didn't answer…it was pointless really. He'd said that to himself many a time and it hadn't ever done any good but this was the first time he'd heard her say something to that effect. Even now all he could seem to focus on right now was her. Her eyes, the movement of her lips as she spoke, her fingers fidgeting with the soft pillow no doubt unaware she was even doing it nor of the fact that it was a visible sign of inner turmoil.

How they ended up always together wasn't something he thought he would ever be able to explain…and it didn't even surprise him, not anymore…almost everything he did when she was involved he couldn't explain. What else would explain how he'd walked into the current predicament with his eyes wide open. How it was he could forget all common sense. The questions may get thought…afterwards, in the times he could actually think beyond her. Beyond the cool fingers that skimmed his brow pushing back errant strands of black that fell right back into its deviant position as her touch slid down to frame his face, or even the lips that now found his. Always a soft quest at first. Always a firm demand secondly. What else could he reasonably concentrate on than the exploration of that she offered, or even the smell of her hair as it curtained their faces in its depths a soft fragrance that was wholly her and just as intoxicating. He knew where this was going again. He wasn't going to stop it…he couldn't…because he didn't want to. It wasn't a word that existed on this plane of reality. However he did have one coherent thought before he was lost…and that was the same question he always asked…how in the world had he got himself into this again…

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The time we spend together's gonna fly
and everything you do to me
Is going to feel so right
Baby when you're loving me
I feel like I could cry
Cause there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you.
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He supposed it had started with him watching the sky…that's how his vigil had started, that almost unconscious act of watching the sky. Sure he'd looked up at the sky before but that had only been when day dreaming and imagining shapes in the sky, it hadn't been for any other purpose than escapism. Now he had a purpose for doing so…maybe he could possibly spot her as she came or if she did and he didn't see her in time she would see him.

That simple action had begun to remind him more of her. Everything that had happened and sometimes he'd even succeed in deluding himself into thinking she could be his and somewhere far in lala land she was. Sometimes all he had had to do was close his eyes and the image of her would be so real he could reach out and touch it.

The amount of times he'd gone over what had happened up at Kami's lookout played over in his head couldn't be counted mainly because he'd lost count a long time ago and every time he did that one promise of seeing him again still stood out. Sometimes he would wonder if he'd heard it wrong…had what she'd actually meant worn out and taken on another form entirely over time as he'd remembered it like Chinese whispers, had she said or meant something else or had she said she would return. Most of the doubt stemmed more from the fact that she hadn't come back.

He'd waited.

He'd waited upon every night that had turned into day and he'd continued waiting because sometimes he could have the patience of a saint and yet also because waiting for her was all he could do fervently hoping it would be any day soon, sometimes imagining that he would wake up the next day and she would be there waiting out on the sands hair blowing in the dawning breeze of another day in some kind of exaggerated fantasy which would include the part where he would run out to meet her and she would smile…just at seeing him and things would only get better from that point onwards each day after the next even more of an exaggerated fairy tale of a happy ever after. He would have waited till the end of time just for that or anything remotely close to it as long as it was with her. The little glimpses of who she was the side she quelled it was just as hopelessly attractive as the rest of her and everything she was, It made him wonder if he'd ever fallen in love so heavily before because everything before paled into insignificance in comparison.

One thing was for sure…she shouldn't have kissed him…it was what started this whole thing in the beginning. It hadn't just confused him or even made him feel lost in a flood of thoughts that had bombarded him from left and right…it had also given him the illusion he could actually stand a chance…and yet if he hadn't, which was what he realised once the initial whirlpool of emotions had abated a bit, the feeling was still something he wanted to keep.

She should have come back.

Because he'd waited…

And waited and it had felt like forever and a day too but truth be told he wasn't really surprised when she didn't for what would she be coming back to. He may have hoped but beneath it all lay a voice of reason that he'd taken to ignoring more because of its negativity and refusal to hope.

Then she was there.

She came.

Not the person he'd been waiting for…no, instead it was someone he thought he'd never see again.

Marron.

He'd been more surprised to see her than having any real left over feelings for her. He didn't 'hate' her. It was virtually impossible to hate anyone you'd once cared for so much and having loved.

And he had loved her…

Maybe not in the same erratic, heart-beating, palm-sweating, unbelievably-unfathomable, emotions-raging, 'I need' her way he'd recently been bowled over by but it had felt real enough in that time and place and there was no belittling that because it had hurt immensely to let her go even if he'd felt he was doing it for all the right reasons. His feelings for her had dwindled into something more of an understanding. He knew her…her foibles, her faults, her good points…little things like what she liked to snack on during some of her late night raids…or the simple thing like the way she held a cup to the way she brushed her hair.

Nothing tore through him…not anymore but he'd still remembered the time he'd let her go and what she'd said too. Some kind of imp had seemed to have recorded every syllable from so long ago and play it back in his mind so much time having passed later.

I would've said yes…I couldn't say no to you…

Her usual high-pitched preppy voice had been a welcome distraction from endless days of waiting and not being able to focus on much of anything else. She'd enveloped him in a typical 'Marron' hug. Tight. Her perfume overpowering him but not because it had been strong but rather because she was so close. She hadn't been one for strong perfumes, what was 'in' and what was a 'no go' zone was what she was best at really, and never did it show more in her careful detail to the things she wore and that fact that she hit the shops like a freak runaway train buying almost anything she liked not being an especially thrifty person.

"I've come back." She'd said then though he hadn't really registered what she'd meant. He'd been listening; it wasn't that, it was rather that he hadn't understood mainly because his mind had been filled with those words, as he would expect them to come from the mouth of another. He didn't even understand why she stayed either because she had. She'd slipped easily enough into the old routine but he'd been too busy thinking about a sea of blonde and eyes of glacial blue ice to focus on what was happening. She may as well hardly exist for all the time he spent in the house but Master Roshi had asked, as would everyone else soon.

"You and Marron back together?"

To him it had seemed so funny that such a thing would even be thought and he'd pointed out as much. The very idea was incredulous.

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Here we are
All alone
Trembling hearts
Beating strong…
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Only when he'd found her occupying his bed did he suddenly wake up and smell the dirt. Preparing for bed only to find her in his bed room had been a surprise in its self and he'd tried to get rid of her as gently as he could but her reply to all that had gone something like "Don't you love me anymore Krilly."

Explaining what he felt wasn't something he excelled at especially when he had to take into account feelings besides. How did he tell her he loved her but not in the way she obviously wanted him to and yet he'd valiantly tried to anyway but being Marron she only heard what she'd wanted and began crying which had made him feel both mortified and guilt ridden and he was soon next to her trying to get her to stop, holding her like she'd requested him to.

He'd awoken the next morning to realise he'd fallen asleep still holding her without realising it until he'd awoken the next day to find her clinging to him even in sleep cerulean hair fanning his chest, a stark contrast to burgundy shirt of his pyjamas. He'd been instantly assaulted by pangs of guilt. He'd done something terribly wrong he felt even if nothing had happened there was still the fact that the only colour that should be fanning his chest should be that of blonde and it shouldn't be Marron's heartbeat he would feel beating just that second of a beat after his. He'd left the room quickly.

He'd expected any moment to just see her blonde hair settling into place like it had never left in one of her numerously graceful landings that didn't have to be practiced to be flawless…even if she hated his guts it wouldn't matter. Still Marron had stayed…not saying anything about that night but it was the fact that she stayed that was strange. He couldn't understand why she still remained…normally she would have left by now…probably gone mad staying there with it being 'no fun' and all. A new boyfriend or, as the case would really be, a batch of them should have swaned by already to pick her up. He didn't envy the ease in which she was able to twist the opposite sex round her finger…it was just what made Marron…well 'Marron' and that's what made the situation weird.

Master Roshi and the others didn't seem to mind in the slightest. They didn't question it especially not Roshi and Oolong when they seemed to get on so well sharing at least one of her interests…aerobics. Even if their reasons for such were different and ones she was probably oblivious to. So it must have undoubtedly been him that she'd found out about Juuhachi. He couldn't quite remember how he'd found out since he had barely spoken about it but it was more than probably he must have heard from the others. What he couldn't fathom though was why Marron got upset and her intention had been to leave and in a most harried state.

He'd been sure of one thing and that was that he couldn't let her go in the state she was in switching from deep sadness one minute to deep-seated anger the next. He'd had to pacify her feeling that really it had been all his fault, and apologizing had been the only thing he felt he could do. If he'd realised in the beginning she wouldn't have stayed waiting for something he couldn't give. Then she'd said something that had blown him away at the time though later he realised he should have really seen it earlier…

"I came back because I missed you, I want to be with you. I wanted you to ask me …like you wanted to before…"

He'd just stood there speechless and how to tell her that he couldn't ask her to marry him because for one he didn't love her in that way anymore was as hard as trying to figure out the secret of life itself. She would probably take it the wrong way again and he'd wanted to make things better not worse. How was he sure he hadn't unwittingly encouraging the whole thing? He'd finally been able to get her to stay if only that she not leave the island in the state she was. Then she'd said something else that had surprised him before leaving him there on the sand his fantasy world torn to shreds around him and suddenly he was wondering if she was right...

"She won't come back you know, you'll just be waiting forever."

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Reaching out breathless kiss
Never thought it could feel like this
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She hadn't stayed much after that but she still remained every now and then. Nonetheless he'd begun watching her after that. Marron who could have anyone she wanted and she'd come out and told him she wanted to be with him and after she'd more than effectively knocked some sense into him with her last statement he'd begun to wonder more and more often if what she'd said was true. What if she was right? At first the idea had been rejected but had still niggled its way into his sub consciousness leaving him wondering again and again and it began to make sense. There was Marron and she was there waiting for him, leaving no doubt as to the fact that she would accept having bared herself to him and what would he be to disregard those feelings just because he was waiting on the other hand for the one person he really wanted who may never come back and even if she did what made him think anything could happen?

Marron was still Marron, he had no illusions there but she was…different in a way that he couldn't quite put his finger on but besides that she was willing to be with him because she still loved him…and how could he be sure it wouldn't work out if he hadn't even considered it. He'd wanted to once hadn't he? He must have been sure of it working then.

He'd fancied he could love her again…if he had once he could again, enough to make it work even coming to feel as he had before. He may not have been experiencing the whirlpool emotions for her but there were different kinds of love weren't there. He knew her…knew what she hated, knew what she liked, knew her faults, she knew his, they'd co existed together once before so it couldn't possibly a bad decision. It was even possible that he was supposed to be with her but not realising it just yet. It made sense in his head even if his heart didn't agree and those things could always be over come when reality kicked in and he stopped yearning for something he may never have anyway. An illusion that could take up the rest of his life if he let it. It was time for the wanting to stop.

And so he'd finally proposed…

And she'd accepted and though it was clear she would he'd still been nervous. It hadn't made things easier as one would have expected. The question being if she'd suddenly regained her senses and would turn him down. She hadn't. All through the wedding he'd been convincing himself that he'd been doing the right thing and it would and could work out even if he didn't feel so right now. What he'd felt then was more the feeling that he was making the biggest mistake of his life but what had been the alternative. Grow old waiting alone or be with someone who was willing to be with him and leave the fantasy of what love could be without letting it ruin him. Marron had turned at that point and smiled at him, the biggest smile he'd ever seen her give and her eyes had positively danced. He would have sworn it was love dancing in that gaze if there wasn't the fact that the wedding had been based on her own dreams of what her wedding day would be like right down to the smallest thing. That could've also been the reason for that smile and the look in her eyes. He'd felt it was the least he could do, if lacking slightly in the love department he felt she should have what ever it was her heart desired and just her happiness was more than enough. I made him feel better but more than that it gave her something else to focus on least she see the doubts in his eyes. He had to admit though that she looked good in white.

He'd done it. They were married…and come hell or high water his intention was to make it work.

And he had.

Eventually he'd been able to reduce Juuhachi to a tiny little thought that only popped up once in a blue moon and almost always brought on by little things. Like when Marron would sit in a particular way, or when he was flying over the islands and he remembered the drama that had unfolded, or rather times when he would be training and a particular move would remind him of his helplessness on the cliffs watching his friends get pummelled and not being able to do a thing about it. Apart from those times he barely thought about her. He'd managed to repress her into nothing but a memory and if he didn't ponder on it, it didn't hurt.

It hadn't turned out to be the disaster he'd felt it would be, in fact it had turned out better than he'd hoped. It had been like an adventure because almost everyday had been intriguing and contrary to what he'd thought he hadn't had to constantly worry about having to keep hoards of men of their doorstep even now they were married because there hadn't been any. When he'd found she was pregnant he was over the moon literally…it seemed something had come along to prove to him it couldn't possibly be the mistake he'd at first thought it to be. It hadn't even struck him as being so soon after the wedding even if Bulma had said it once wondering out loud. He'd been more than happy to fuss over her. Everything was right at that point in time especially when the baby came. Suddenly he had a family and the thoughts he'd had all that time ago when he'd wanted to ask her to marry him for the first time was being fulfilled.

Even if he wasn't living on the island it didn't matter since she hadn't wanted that. She'd wanted her own house that she could have done to her tastes, which was the long and short of what she'd said on the honeymoon. Besides he hadn't had a chance to complain she'd rushed over him as she usually did when she was overtly excited. She barely left room for herself to breathe least of all any chance for someone else to have a say…

"Oh krilly! It will be so much fun you'll see."

…and what possible reason could he have had to deny her that. She loved things she could get excited about. She'd even named the child…at that point he would have done anything for her because he'd felt above all else she'd made his life complete.

He'd been in a state of bliss.

That's when it had happened...

...To be continued soonest.

Last notes; Okay…Let me address my would be murderers...If you want to kill me because I didn't finish it now, I promise I will...really, truly...and if your complaint goes something like 'god what a load of codswallop'...or rather more colourfully...'what a load of crap and totally out of character'...I must say maybe your right…but I am guessing as in 'what if' (again) I don't really think he would cheat on his wife...this is my Krillin and Juu-chan we are talking about here ^__^ add Chichi and Kai and you know I would never hurt a hair on any of their heads...*looks away guiltily*...cept for this one time when...