Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Way it was Meant to Be! ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Pairing: Bulma/Vegeta

Warnings: Squick! Yaoi?

A/N: Written for the "Make Felix Laugh" Contest! (Which is going on through Halloween if anyone else wants to enter...)

The Way it was Meant to Be!

"How many times do I have to tell you, woman?! NO, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" Vegeta yelled as he tried to escape the vise-like grip of a horny Bulma. And you know when that woman wants some she won't give up until she gets it!

Clinging to her ex, the buxom blue-haired beauty desperately tried to get him in the sack with her. She had tried using every bribe imaginable to get laid, but nothing seemed to work.

"What is so wrong with me that you can't just whip it out and shove it in?! I'm sexy! I'm rich! I have strawberry-flavored condoms! Please! I NEED a good fucking!" Bulma whined as she rubbed against his leg like a dog in heat.

Planting a foot firmly on her forehead and pushing her away from the family jewels, Vegeta levitated off the floor and out of her reach.

"I'm not interested in what you have! Only men can satisfy this lusty hunger! And when I hunger for a man, they know they've been hungered for!" Vegeta said haughtily.

Just then Goku entered the room and looked up at Vegeta floating in the air. "You hungered, dear?" The younger Saiyan asked in a butler-stereotype voice.

"Yes. Let's adjourn to my quarters, Kakarot," Vegeta said as he floated back to the floor and escorted Goku to his room for a feeding frenzy hitherto unknown to all but piranhas around a drowning cow.

Bulma watched them go in frustration, the anger and sexual kind. Balling her hand into a fist and shaking it in their general direction, she devised a plan of plans to catch the Prince.

"I'll get you, Vegeta! And your little cock, too! Wait...he didn't have a little cock...oh well." Shrugging off her bad line, Bulma hurried off to her lab to carry out her evil whim.

~*~*~*~*~

"I must get that hunk of hot Saiyan flesh into my bed again!" Bulma muttered to herself as she squinted into a microscope in her lap. Grinning in gleeful glee, she watched as the tiny cells rapidly divided and multiplied. "Yes! Yes! YES! LIVE! I COMMAND YOU!"

Coughing to cover her embarrassing outbreak, Bulma took the little slide with her creation on it and put it in her high tech computer to analyze. Watching as numbers and other scientifical information flashed across the screen her crazed grin spread wider and wider to the point of endangering her face.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll have you now, Vegeta! With my new invention there is NO WAY you can refuse me! Ahahahahahahahahaha! Your ass is mine, Veggie boy!" And with a triumphant fanfare in the background and a dramatic pose, Bulma plucked the invention out of the analyzing chamber and gulped it down. I suppose she should have injected it into her arm or something, but I'm too afraid of needles to write that.

Just like in any true horror film, the lights all went out and it suddenly went from a bright sunny afternoon to a dark and stormy black of night. Bulma hunched over suddenly in pain and screamed a painful, yet still evil, scream. Clutching her stomach, she fell to the floor and went into convulsions and foamed at the mouth.

After a few moments of twitching on the floor like some animal that was just ran over by a Toyota, she stood back up with a smirk of the highest unholiness. Outside, it was suddenly day again, thus fucking up everyone's circadian rhythm.

"YES! IT WORKED! I AM REBORN AS A NEW AND IMPROVED BULMA BRIEFS! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The newly transformed genius shouted in victory as she held up her fists like Rocky after he runs up all those steps and "The Eye of the Tiger" starts playing.

Immediately sprinting from her lab and towards the direction of Vegeta's bedroom, Bulma had the look of a lusty, young rapist in her eye. Wiping the drool from her chin, she knocked loudly on the large door. Not hearing an answer fast enough, she pushed it softly and let it swing open slowly like in a scary movie when the killer comes in and everyone's like "oh shit!" Yeah, like that.

"Vegeta, my Prince, I have come for you!" She said as she stood in the doorway, hands firmly planted on hips. Spotting the dazed Saiyan sprawled over the bed asleep, she cackled eerily and crept over to him. "Oh, Veeegeeeetaaaa, you thought I would give up on you. But how very, very wrong you were! Hehehehehe!"

Pulling the covers back inch by inch to reveal that delectable skin that just begs to be touched and stroked and licked all over, Bulma found it hard not to do just that. When he was fully revealed, and I do mean fully, she gazed longingly at his perfect form. Reminding herself of her mission however, she was quick to chain him to the bed using ki-resistant cuffs.

Feeling himself being moved and touched a little too often to be coincidence, Vegeta finally awoke with a groggy yawn.

"Is it time for my sponge bath?" The Prince asked as he tried to rub his eyes. But he soon found he couldn't rub his eyes because he was bound to the bed by the aforementioned cuffs. "NO! Not again! I don't want any more, Mr. Snuggles!" Vegeta shrieked in horror.

Bulma stopped in her plan carrying out and raised an eyebrow at him. "Mr. Snuggles?"

"Wha?! Woman! What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" He yelled angrily as he tried to break his bonds.

"No, really. Mr. Snuggles?"

"..."

"Seriously!"

"I don't want to talk about it..." Vegeta trailed off with a blush.

"Fine. It doesn't matter because I'm taking you either way," Bulma said with a lecherous cackle.

This time it was Vegeta who did the eyebrow raising. "What are you talking about? I told you I don't have any use for your Y-chromosome deficient body," Vegeta said flatly as he studied the cuffs holding him in place.

"HA! I might not have been born with a dick, but that doesn't limit my ability to produce one from my pants right now!" Bulma said triumphantly as she dropped her drawers and revealed her latest technological feat:

A DICK-SHAPED CLITORIS!

Vegeta recoiled in horror as far from the atrocity as he could. Wearing an expression that clearly said "WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF?!" he desperately tried to gnaw through his handcuffs and escape. But he only succeeded in chipping a tooth.

"What the fuck did you do?!" He asked as he tried not to stare at it. Too bad for him it was like a train wreck on a Tuesday morning. You just can't look away. So he was forced to look on in shock at Bulma's transformed body part.

"You said you weren't interested in my because I didn't have a penis. And now I do! So there's no excuse for you to refuse me!" Bulma said as she ripped off the rest of her clothes and pounced the prince.

Vegeta once again tried to escape, but was held firmly in place by the handcuffs and the rapist on his hips. And by rapist I do mean Bulma.

"Get off me, you sick freak of unnatural nature!" Vegeta shouted as he pulled one of those meek-woman-about-to-be-raped poses.

"Don't worry, Vegeta! I've read tons of yaoi! I know exactly what to do!" Bulma said as she reached for her bottle of KY jelly. Squirting some into her hands, she busily set about preparing Vegeta for her forced entry.

"NO! I said `no!' Get off of me at once!" Vegeta screamed as he willed himself not to be affected by her well-read touch.

"Relax, Vegeta! I'll make sure you enjoy it, too!" She said reassuringly as she removed her fingers and assumed the position.

"WaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! How did you hit that on the first thrust?!" Vegeta panted as he looked at Bulma in disbelief.

"Never underestimate the power of yaoi!" Bulma said cryptically as she began a hard, fast rhythm.

This is when Vegeta began to sing. A Salt and Peppa song. Yeah, like their only one.

"Push it! Push it good! Push it REAL GOOD!" Vegeta screamed as he orgasmed from the intensely intense pleasure.

Bulma came with a sedated grin and paused to recover her breath. Once she was good to go again, she winked at him with a sexy smile.

"Now that I have my own little dicky, we can go as many rounds as needed. And trust me, Vegeta, the way you've neglected me lately, I need a LOT of rounds."

Vegeta paused to look at her in disbelief for a moment.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'D RATHER HAVE MR. SNUGGLES AGAIN!" He screamed in agony at the thought of Bulma raping him again, no matter how good it felt!

"There's that Mr. Snuggles again! Just tell me already!" Bulma said huffily.

"..."

"I'm waiting."

"Okay. I'm ready for another round."

OWARI!!!