Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The We-Must-Be-Out-of-Our-Tiny-Minds Road Trip ❯ Illiteracy Really Is Greater Among Minorities ( Chapter 7 )

AN: Well, whenever this actually gets up, just know that I had the best intentions in mind because I started this right after I got up chapter six ^_^.

Heero: It's not like that really counts for much, TRF. You had this chapter planned; the last just…came up by itself. *Mumbles* And I don't enjoy how I spazzed out in it.

Oh, but that was fun! Anywho, on with the fic!

Ok, in case you forgot from last time, our nice little group of road trip people had pulled into a completely cruddy low-profile motel called "Bladua's Good Value Motel". This was only because Heero said they were probably wanted now, so pulling into a big, expensive Ramada Inn probably wasn't an option.

"You know…" said J'dee as they started walking towards the front of the motel, "For some reason, I've been wondering what we'd be like in an alternate universe."

Heero 'hmphed', "All of you are scary enough in this universe."

"Agreed," said Quorky nodding.

"Poor Porsche," said Juunana sighing as he looked at Jazz's corn stains.

J'dee opened her mouth to once again offer to Juunana to help her clean up Jazz, but before she could, Alexandra and TRF-dressed oddly in long trench coats and dark sunglasses--pushed her over to the side.

"So," whispered Alexandra in a mysterious voice, "we see you have your eyes on the android."

"Well…duh," said J'dee rolling her eyes.

"In that case, you must join our secret Juunana-worshipping organization," said TRF in an equally mysterious voice.

"What's the catch?" asked J'dee shiftily.

"There are certain rules you have to abide by…" said TRF officially, taking out a long piece of parchment with #129 rules written on it.

J'dee's eyes bugged out, "When did you come up with all this?!" she asked, amazed.

"The van. Why?" asked Alexandra curiously, as though it was normal to be able to come up with #129 rules for worshipping an android during about a one hour and forty-five minute time period.

"We're stilling working on finding another one to make it an even #130," TRF added.

"Why do you want me to join?" asked J'dee suspiciously.

"So you don't do anything kinky or sexual with him without us," said Alexandra as though it was obvious.

"Ummm…" J'dee glanced at the list, "If I promise to clue you in on kinky and/or sexual stuff, can I be exempted from this? I mean, obsessive cults are good and all as I would know since I covertly lead one for Yamcha fans, but some of these rules…yeesh…" she quoted the list, " 'Every 17th minute of every 17th hour on every 17th day of our lives, get out a picture of Juunanagou and begin to snog it. Continue this for 17 more minutes'. And that isn't even the most insane one," she shook her head, "And I'm really not up for human sacrifice. Besides, I need to figure out how to convert Yamcha's name into numbers and add them together so I can do this for MY cult," with that she ran ahead to the rest of the group and jumped onto Yamcha's back before he could anticipate what was coming.

"Mmmm…that didn't go as planned," TRF noted.

"Nope. Oh well. She'll probably revert into a greedy fangirl and not tell us about the kinky/sexual things so she can have him for herself, but we'll eventually get Juu-Kun," said Alexandra optimistically.

Hi. It's the author here. Why am I here, in the middle of the chapter, you ask? Well, for the last few days I've been reading 'Daily Life' by AishaNi. It's a Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic, which I recommend for fans of the show. Anywho, AishaNi has the tendency to pop up in the middle of her fics like that, and I picked it up from her ^.^, I have a bad habit of picking things up from other authors. You may or may not have noticed that by now. Ok, so anywho, back to the fic. I really just wanted to shamelessly advertise 'Daily Life' while it was fresh on my mind. So go read it now! No wait, not right now in the middle of reading this, come back! I meant when you were done reading this! *Pulls the readers back*

When they got into the motel, the first thing everyone noticed was the dust that covered practically every inch of everything, including the man at the desk. Speaking of the man at the desk, he was clearly very old, with many bald patches on his head. What was left of his hair was white and hanging limply to his head. His eyes were an odd silvery color and he gave them a toothless smile.

"Welcome to Bladua's Good Value Motel. I am Lestat Bladua, the owner of this motel since 1900."

"Did your dad die the day you were born or something?" asked Bana, "And by the way, what is that disgusting musty smell that plagues this place?" she turned to look at Vegeta, and saw that the scent seemed to be irritating his sensitive Saiyan sense of smell, "Whatever it is, could you air this place out or something? You're hurting my Skittles!"

Bladua cracked another toothless smile and gave a dry, wheeze-like laugh, "No, no my dear. In 1900, I was fifty years old. That was how old I was when my father died. Oh, and the smell is must itself. I'm afraid I can't quite do anything about it, I've become rather accustomed to it."
"Don't worry Skittles, the van had an air freshener, I can run out and get it later," Bana whispered.

"Pew," said Goku, "That smell is sort of hurting my nose too," he observed.

"Haha, Kakarot," said Bana dryly, "That's your problem."

Heero stepped up in front of the man, "We'll just take one room for the girls and one for the boys," everyone gaped at him and gave him murderous glares, whether it be because they wanted to get some 'accidental' groping done (*Author casts a look in Reikon's direction*), or because they didn't like the prospect of being cooped up with so many other people, it was hard to tell.

Then, suddenly, another figure walked in, wearing a mysterious cape with the hood covering the wearer's head. The cloak was drenched from the rain outside. A clap of thunder and a flash of lightening were seen/heard simultaneously.

"Hey!" S'rac protested, "It wasn't raining when we came inside two minutes ago!"

"Well a thunderstorm happened to start so I could make dramatic effect!" the author defended herself, materializing quickly, and then disappearing just as quickly.

Everyone stared at the place where the author's after-image was beginning to disintegrate.

"Wow…" said RJ slowly, "She's…only about eleven or twelve."

"Did you get a good look at those glasses?" asked Kitami in a disbelieving voice.

"Uh…you all could have just looked at me to tell that," mumbled TRF.

"But you're a little taller, you have shorter hair, and no glasses!" yelled the mysterious figure, who I can exclusively reveal was actually an author named-*Car spontaneously rushes by and makes a loud noise so you can't hear the author's name*.

"I happen to be the present state of the author!" said TRF proudly, "She just turns up in this fic how she looked when she started it."

"I don't remember you looking different," said Vegeta scowling. There was a murmur of agreement.

"Yes, well, the plot bunnies make it so you think I always looked this way," responded TRF wisely.

"Plot…bunnies…?" asked T-Sama.

"Ah," said Bladua, "Plot bunnies actually control the world around us without our knowing it. They can do many things," he finished sagely.

Vegeta 'hmphed', "I refuse to believe some sort of bunny can do all of this without my noticing! What proof do you have?"

"Everything leads back to the Plot Bunnies," replied Bladua vaguely. Then he passed out on the floor.

"Is he…-" asked the caped person, before being cut off.

DA ran over and checked for a pulse, "Not napping," she said, slightly panicky.

"Are you sure?" asked Bulma, but then she too checked for a pulse and then bowed her head and shook it slightly.

"We killed him," said Bana in awe.

"No…" murmured Gohan, "It was the Plot Bunnies…"

**Insert another, particularly menacing, flash of lightening**

Everybody looked around with terror in their eyes, like in a really cliché horror flick. You know, where they have really bad actors and they're just pretending to be terrified and-*Readers give author a murderous look*. Ok, ok, I'll stop now.

"Mmmm…so then, where do we sleep?" asked RJ perkily.

"Uh…we're going to sleep in a motel where some guy just kicked the bucket?" asked Reikon. The she turned to the silent caped person, "And who ARE you?!"

The caped person slowly took off her hood, revealing a 16-year-old girl, she was looking at Piccolo in disbelief as she addressed them, "You guys can all just call me Chipolata…" she didn't even give them a glance as she walked over to Piccolo, bowed at his feet and took out gifts of gold, frankincense, and mir (Hah! I'm a Catholic Christian and I doubt if I spelled 'mir' right, as in the stuff that was presented to baby Jesus. And no offense to my fellow Catholics, what I wrote down about the gifts just popped into my head about five minutes ago o_O).

Piccolo eyed her as though she was crazy, "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked, gesturing to the gold, frankincense, and mir.

"I dunno. There just happened to be a thrift shop selling it about five miles down the road," responded Chipolata shrugging, "Oh by the way, could I have your autograph?" she asked hopefully.

Piccolo stared at her.

"Uh…yes or no?" she asked slowly.

Piccolo stared again. Then he burst away crying.

"That's uncharacteristic," said Reikon with raised eyebrows.

"I've never seen Mr. Piccolo act like that before," said Goten, wide-eyed.

"Cover your eyes Goten, it's hideous!" yelled J'dee, covering her young muse's eyes.

"I'm not even a Piccolo fan and I know he doesn't act like that," said DA slowly. Then she took out a camera and snapped some pictures.

Inu Yasha snorted, "He's just a big baby."

"Sit boy," DA retorted under her breath. Inu fell into the ground.

"Piccolo…what's wrong?" asked Gohan, walking up to his large, green friend and patting him on the back. Piccolo whispered something to Gohan and it seemed that only Goku and Vegeta could hear it otherwise, with their advanced, full-Saiyan hearing. Vegeta started laughing.

Goku sighed, "Poor Piccolo. I didn't know you couldn't read or write. I could've helped you."

"GOKU!" screamed Piccolo, "WHY DO YOU THINK I ONLY WHISPERED IT! I DIDN'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW!"

"Besides Goku, you can't read or write either," muttered Chi-Chi, "Except for the words 'food', 'buffet', and your own name."

Vegeta continued laughing, "Kakarot and the Namek are illiterate!"

This caused Goku to blush and Piccolo looked on the verge of sobbing again. Bulma glared at her husband, "Oh don't worry," she announced loudly, "Vegeta can read English and Japanese well enough, but he couldn't write either if his life depended on it. Except with a keyboard to form the letters FOR him, of course."

"Onna!" yelled Vegeta at the top of his lungs. Reikon would have laughed since she didn't like Vegeta and all, but she decided that since Piccolo was 100% illiterate, she couldn't really laugh at someone who couldn't write.

Later on, after Piccolo had stopped sobbing and Chipolata and Reikon and enthusiastically offered to help him learn to read and write, S'rac and J'dee had offered to help Goku, and Bana, TRF, DA, and T-Sama had demand-er…told Vegeta they would help him write without a keyboard, they were setting up to stay the night in the creepy motel. The anime guys had insisted that they would sooner die than share a room with any of the fangirls, and S'rac had just gone along with that, being the only 'real' guy there.

The girls (after much huffing and exasperated sighing when the guys expressed their want to be separated) had decided to set up two different rooms. Unsurprisingly, Chi-Chi, Android #18 and Bulma were hard pressed to find roommates. Surprisingly, Bana had agreed to sleep in the room they would be in. Unsurprisingly, she did this with an extremely evil smirk on her face.

The other gals caught the extremely evil smirk quickly, and soon they were all begging to be in that room, and it was soon decided that if the guys could survive with one room, they could too.

At about 10:00 at night, Bulma sat reading a technical manual on a bed which she had painstakingly been able to claim as her own as the girls rushed into the room trying to get to one of only four beds to sleep on. The room also had two bathrooms, and right now, one occupied Juuhachigou who was helping Marron brush her teeth, and the other contained Chi-Chi, who was taking a quick shower. Bulma had no indication anything was wrong…the 'baka girls' as she called them, had been whispering for two hours now and nothing had gone wrong…yet.

"Hiiiiiii Buuuulmaaaaa," said Bana in a forced sweet voice, walking up to Bulma's bed.

Bulma put the manual down and turned to stare at her, "If this has something to do with my husband-"

"No, no, no!" replied Bana frantically. She gestured to DA behind her, "DA and I just wish to make peace. We're extremely sorry for the trouble."

"Yeah right. What are you after?" asked Bulma suspiciously.

"Truthfully…" began DA with a glazed expression on her face.

"Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know."

"Anyway," Bana said, patting Bulma's hand and trying hard not to cringe, "We want to say that we're sorry we couldn't get to know you better in this short time we've had with you."

"What?!" screeched Bulma.

"NOW!" yelled DA.

Suddenly, before Bulma could react, T-Sama and TRF had jumped her, and all four girls took out masking tape which TRF used to tape Bulma's mouth shut, T-Sama used to tape her hands together, Bana used to tape her feet together, and DA used to tape her upper legs and arms together. Then T-Sama took out a cloth that reeked of this stuff they use to make people pass out, and put it under Bulma's nose until she passed out (Duh), and TRF threw a net over the drugged woman.

"Where are you putting her again?" asked Kitami, really only half interested.

"The attic," replied T-Sama grinning.

"Do you need any help hauling her up there?" asked J'dee getting up.

"Sure," responded Bana.

"Cool. You know what they say. Friends help friends move…" TRF began.

"Real friends help friends move bodies," the rest of them chorused together.

Meanwhile, in the room, Juuhachigou walked out of the bathroom with Marron, and Kitami and RJ hurriedly leapt up and ran into the bathroom she and Marron had been in a few minutes ago.

Juuhachi looked around the room and then stared at Alexandra, Reikon, and Chipolata, "I'm afraid to ask, but where are Bulma and those other five girls?"

In the bathroom, RJ and Kitami smiled evilly and cracked their knuckles simultaneously.

"Ready?" asked RJ.

"Never been readier," replied Kitami. They walked over to the toilet and started flushing it.

In the OTHER bathroom, Chi-Chi was taking a nice, relaxing shower. Suddenly, the water turned colder. Chi-Chi shrugged it off. Then it started getting hotter. Chi-Chi assumed she was just using the last of the hot water and this was causing it to fluctuate. Then it got A LOT colder…Chi-Chi started shivering. And suddenly…

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" Chi-Chi shrieked as the water became steaming hot. She raced out of the shower, barely taking the time to grab a towel to cover herself, and ran into the other room.

Well, it's me again! Oh, and for the next few chapters, I would like to introduce my replacement muse, Kurama! *Applause*. Heero is on muse probation for being an asshole and giving into a bribe Vegeta gave him, but mostly the latter.

Kurama: Hello.

Kurama's a MUCH better muse than Yuy boy! *Glomps Kurama*

Anywho…I decided that fic advertising is fun and good, so here's some fics I'm advertising in case anyone besides the people in it actually reads it now:

Daily Life, by AishaNi- I told you already, but this is GREAT fic if you're a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho. It's about a girl named Kina, who's a classmate of Keiko and Yusuke, and she starts to get suspicious about them and sticks her nose into business that isn't hers. One day when trailing them, she gets attacked and possessed by a demon and when the Spirit Detectives take her to Koenma and once she's been exorcized and wakes up, Koenma says he can't erase her memory because it would damage her too much mentally, and she becomes a Spirit Detective. It's a great story because Kina is NO Mary Sue! She's a character you can identify with on some level (Unless you're just like her bratty younger sister, Mikasu) and she doesn't become some 'almighty, wonderful powerful' person just by training for a few days. I swear, this fic should be an official YYH OVA…Woah, you can tell I love this story way too much. Look at how long I ranted about it ^_^.

Fox Child, by Dream Fox- Another YYH fic, but this one centers on the wonderful Kurama! It's about his childhood in Minamino Shuichi's body, and his feelings of isolation from other humans. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but so far it's excellent!

The Return, by J'dee- Ah, most of you probably know about this, but I'll summarize anyway. In the original fic, Ain't Nothin' But Magick, a group of authors was transported to the DBZ world. Hey, hey now! Don't go making assumptions that this is your average fic! It's interactive like my Ain't Nothin' But Miracles, meaning the authors all have to write their own pieces for it. In the DBZ world, we forage bonds with the characters, fight new evil peoples, and let's just say not *all* the authors that came in were about to use their powers for *good*. Well, nearly all of us got sent back at the end of it, but now some of us are baaaaaaaaack! And this time I finally get my Juunana-Kun! But now I can't have Skittles-Sama. That ties in with how Heero is on muse probation…grr…but hey, it's a great fic to check out! It may take you a long while to read, though o_O.

The Official Fanfiction University of Dragonball Z, by Bananagirl- Now, if you didn't know about TR, I'm nearly certain you'll know about OFUD! It was one of the original fanfiction universities out there, and one of the best! In it, people who write Dragonball Z fanfiction are sent to a university to learn to write better. Nadia and Yoli, the two main characters are Vegeta fanatics and you just know that in and of itself is enough to make for some interesting scenarios (*Cough* Bribing Chibi Trunks for videos of his dad in the shower, anyone?). I wish OFUD was a real place, but I should probably be happy enough with my little cameo in it ^_^.

Ja Ne, until the next update,

~TRF