Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Yaoi Gospel ❯ The Yaoi Gospel ( One-Shot )

The Yaoi Gospel

A DBZ fanfiction by SirPsychoSexy

A/N: What if the Z Girls were as obsessed w/yaoi as a lot of real girls are? This is what this fic is about. Excuse the weirdness. ALSO this has been condensed into one longer story from the 5 chappies on FF.net!

Bulma Briefs, heiress of the Capsule Corporation, awoke lazily one Friday morning. Vegeta was, as always, still training in the gravity room; Trunks was at school; and Bra was safely asleep in her crib.

And there was nothing to do for Capsule Corporation today that her parents couldn't handle. No meetings, no mergers. Just another normal, boring day.

Stretching her arms and sitting up in her bed, she rubbed her eyes and started looking for her slippers. She never kept them in the same place twice; usually she randomly threw them about when she went to sleep at night.

"Slippers, slippers, where are those God-forsaken slippers…" Bulma paced about her bedroom looking for the blasted things.

"Aha! There you are!" she grinned as she grabbed the two fuzzy foot-coverings from under her bed. But she noticed something else under the bed…

A magazine of some sort, perhaps a comic book.

"Hey, where did you come from?" she questioned it. Interesting, she thought, Son-kun and Vegeta are on the cover. They look a little weird, but that's them, all right…

This mysterious item of reading material had piqued Bulma's interest, especially because it was entitled "Forever Love".

Cautiously, she opened to the first page. There was Vegeta, in the gravity room, like in real life. Gokuu happened to show up, and suggested they train together.

Boy, thought Bulma, I don't know who drew this, but they make Son-kun's ass look cuter than it really is! The Capsule Corp. heiress lifted her head up and squealed like a schoolgirl.

She looked back down again and turned the page. Vegeta, surprisingly had let Gokuu in, and Vegeta started to strip…

Bulma blushed and giggled. And again she turned the page…

Now the two Saiya-in were fully naked and making out like mad…

Turned the page again. Several pages of hot, sweaty, romantic sex scenes between the two men…

This had Bulma captivated. She hadn't felt this boy-crazy since Namek! Hell, if she could watch this in real life, she would be the happiest woman alive!!

She read and re-read the doojinshi for hours and hours, replaying the really hot scenes in her mind, but with the real people.

She had to run downstairs to the gravity room and tell Vegeta.

__

"HEY! VEGETA! Open up!" She banged on the gravity room door.

"WOMAN! Can't you see I'm busy!"

"Sheesh, Vegeta!" she yelled. Then a thought came to her…

"Busy with what, huh?" she suggestively cooed.

"TRAINING, YOU IDIOT!"

"I'm not an idiot, you know! You're lucky you're staying here. I could kick you out on your sorry little ass…"

"Oh, hell! Come on in, woman! And don't take long!"

Bulma walked into the gravity room after she had opened the door and deactivated the artificial gravity device.

Carrying her doojinshi, she showed a few ear-marked pages to Vegeta.

"You know…you've been a little lackluster in the sex department lately, and I was wondering if you could do this for me…" Bulma smirked sexily at Vegeta as she showed him one of the more impressive sex scenes.

"WHAT?!? Is that me?!? WITH…WITH…KAKAROTTO?!? NAKED?!?" Vegeta was horrified. "Woman, I demand to know where you got this piece of crap."

"I-I just found it under my bed this morning."

"How, great hell, did it get there?"

"Dunno. It was- just- there. Found it beside my slippers."

"How unusual." Vegeta smirked. "And if you have anything like that to show me again, I'll kill you!"

Bulma had walked away, ignoring the Saiya-jin prince's rant.

I wonder if some of the other girls would like to see this….

Bulma was so enthralled with the doojinshi she found under her bed that she HAD to share it with someone. Since it was a Vegeta/Gokuu one, maybe Chi-Chi would appreciate it…

Nah, thought Bulma. I doubt Chi-Chi will go for this sort of thing…

…but there was always a slight chance she would. You never know until you try.

The Capsule Corp. heiress smiled insidiously as she bolted out to her air car.

__

Things were rough going to the 439th district area, but Bulma managed the drive smoothly. She landed near the Son residence and put her car back in its capsule.

She knocked on the door.

"Hello, who is it?"

"Bulma."

The door opened. "What did you want to see me for today, Bulma-san?" asked Chi-Chi.

"Ah- just wanted to show you something."

"A new invention? What? Come in, take your shoes off, stay a while. I made tea."

"Thank you." Bulma smiled as she took a seat at the kitchen table and Chi-Chi poured her some tea.

"So, what is it you came all this way just to show me?"

Bulma slapped the doojinshi down on the table. "Here. I found it under my bed this morning. Don't know where it came from, but it's pretty damn interesting."

"Is that Gokuu-sa on the cover?"

"Yep!"

"A-and Vegeta too?"

"Yep. I think it's some sort of omen. Like we should be doing something."

"Hmmm…." Came Chi-Chi's reply as she picked the doojinshi up and began to read.

Within the course of an hour, Bulma saw many unusual expressions riddle Chi-Chi's face, most of them fear, shock, anger, or a mixture of the three.

I knew she wouldn't like this….Bulma's stomach tied in knots.

Finally, Chi-Chi closed the back cover of the doojinshi.

"Is- is this REALLY going on behind my back? Gokuu-saaaaa…." Chi-Chi started crying.

"Don't worry, this is just a drawing someone did. It's not a photo. Here, I'll show you." Bulma opened the doojinshi to a random page. "Now", she said pointing to a picture of Gokuu, "is your husband's ass really THAT cute??"

"No…" Chi-Chi started to buck up "I-I guess this is a drawing."

Chi-Chi started to re-read the doojinshi, calmed knowing it was all fictional.

"Wow, they do look cute like that…"

"How about here? Wouldn't you like to see that in real life?" Bulma pointed to a hot sweaty sex scene.

Chi-Chi sweatdropped. "Umm…Gokuu-sa and I are having no problems. Why should I?"

"Haven't you ever wanted to watch two guys go at it like rabbits? C'mon, I'm not going to tell anyone…"

"W-well, I've thought about it once or twice…" Chi-Chi trailed off and blushed.

"Enough reason for me. I'm leaving this with you, you need it."

"O-okay…" Chi-Chi started to read the doojinshi for the third time.

And every other page, she sighed. They did get Gokuu-sa's romantic side in…and they made Vegeta look sexy for once….

Just then, Gokuu walked through the door.

"Hey, Chi-Chi, whatcha' readin'?"

Chi-Chi sighed. This WAS too cute to be true.

"Gokuu-sa, I'd like you to look at something." Her eyes were all aglow and she was blushing.

"What?"

"This, it's sooo cute!" She handed him the doojinshi, earmarked in the more romantic of places.

"Hey, what kind of sparring are me and Vegeta doing here anyways?" Gokuu scratched his head.

"Ummm…it's not…it's not sparring." Chi-Chi flushed an even deeper shade of red.

"Then what is it me and Vegeta are doing?"

"Ummm…uh…having…sex?!?" Chi-Chi pressed her index fingers together in a gesture of nervousness.

"Wait a minute. How can two guys have sex? I mean, they can't even fit together!" Gokuu smiled the cheesy Son grin.

"You don't mind it's VEGETA you're getting intimate with in here?"

"Nah. Probably be the same as fighting him." With that, Gokuu left the house to practice sparring with Goten.

Chi-Chi hid the doojinshi in one of the kitchen cabinets and sighed a long sigh of relief. Gokuu was too naïve for that kind of thing, anyway. She'd probably pull the book outr before they made love to get in the mood.

__

Bulma was back in her room, listening to music, when she felt something under the bed.

She looked down, and there were two other doojinshi's, one a Gohan/Piccolo, and the other a Trunks/Goten.

This should make for some interesting reading… she thought as she stooped to pick them up.

A/N: I know this is insane, demented, and…well, yaoi-y. If you don't like any of them, or the social commentary or weird-ass jokes I'm putting in, leave this fic at once and go read some het mush! - Rivka

Bulma decided to wait until Saturday to read the other two doojinshi. After she took a shower, she hopped into bed with an already-asleep Prince of Saiya-jin's.

Immediately she closed her eyes and fell asleep…

In her dreams, all around her, there were men in a luscious circle giving each other pleasure. Some Bulma knew, and some she didn't. But the loud moans were unmistakable. Seeing these men, especially her husband and Son-kun, lose all inhibitons in her dream began to make her hot…

And then she woke up. She KNEW she had to tell more people about this wonderful, wonderful thing!

---

As Vegeta had already gone to the gravity room to train, Bulma woke up alone. She immediately picked up the Gohan/Piccolo doojinshi and began to read.

Somehow, the artist managed to make Piccolo look ATTRACTIVE, which was very difficult to do. And Gohan had his father's hot little ass…

Bulma sighed. She was so engrossed in the stories she forgot completely that Namek-see-jin are asexual and that every single thing on those pages was believable.

Dear God, I've GOT to show this to Videl-san, said Bulma. She's pregnant, so no doubt she's suffering from a sex drought…

__

Bulma drove her air car to Satan City, doojinshi in hand, which was half an hour or so away. As it was a Saturday, the lanes were crowded with people who wanted to go shopping and eat lunch out. (A/N: No, you hentai's the meal, not the chara!!!) She quickly found Gohan and Videl's residence and put her car back in its capsule.

Gohan heard a knock at the door.

"Gohan, if it's the neighbors, tell them they can feel the baby kick another time!!!" yelled Videl.

"Ummm…yes, dear…"

The knock got louder.

"Open up, it's me, Bulma!"

Gohan cautiously opened the door. "Hi Gohan-san, is Videl-san in?"

"Umm, yeah, she's right over there, watching TV." Gohan indicated a couch where his pregnant wife was sitting.

"Hi Videl!" beamed Bulma.

"Hi, Bulma. I'm not feeling too good today. Morning sickness."

"Yeah, I know how that goes. Here, I've got something to show you to cheer you up." With that, Bulma whipped out the doojinshi.

"Heey- that's Gohan!" Videl whispered. "And Piccolo!"

"Yeah, aren't they cute!"

Together they flipped through the doojinshi pages, Bulma telling which scenes got her turned on.

"Ummm…does Gohan have a Namek-see-jin fetish he never told me about?" asked Videl, quizzically raising an eyebrow.

"No, this is art. Fiction." Bulma smiled. "See? In real life Piccolo doesn't have THAT," she said pointing to a certain part of his anatomy that shall not be mentioned.

"Oho…I see," blushed Videl. "Besides, Gohan's is better-looking, both in here AND in real life." She giggled a bit.

"I won't tell him you said anything about his package. Girl's secret, OK?"

"OK!"

"And you get to keep the book."

"All right."

With that, Bulma left.

__

Videl had turned the TV off and was thoroughly engrossed in the doojinshi.

"Videl, what are you reading?" asked Gohan.

"Ohhh…nothing," she giggled back.

"C'mon, you know there are no secrets between us. Let me see."

"You're probably not going to like it, Gohan." She turned to him and smiled.

Gohan walked towards her, and caught a glimpse of….Piccolo and him doing the nasty.

"What is that?" shrieked Gohan.

"Bulma-san gave it to me. She said she found it under her bed, and it kinda came from nowhere… Isn't it cute? It's kinda like a comic book."

Videl offered him another page of the doojinshi. Gohan fell on the floor laughing.

"Honey, what is it?" Videl slowly stood up.

"I-I can't believe…someone drew…Piccolo-san…w-with…with…a..D-DICK!!! That has to be one of the most hilarious things in the world! Idiot doesn't know Namek-see-jin are asexual!!" Gohan pounded his fists against the floor.

"Ok, fine, think what you will of it, but I think it's cute. And seeing as you won't give me the time of day in bed because of the baby…"

"A-alright, Videl, honey, we'll do something romantic tonight." Videl marched up the stairs first, followed by Gohan, who kept chortling, "Hehe, Piccolo-san with a dick."

Videl knew she HAD to hide this thing and only pull it out when she felt randy…or else Gohan would be saying his infamous line over and over and over…and it'd drive her slowly insane.

Bulma was back home, with no distractions. The kids were in bed and her husband was in the gravity room…

And so she decided to pick up the Goten/Trunks doojinshi…just out of curiosity. It was a little freaky seeing your son doing it, but, it was fictional, so all incestuous feelings and guilt could be easily remedied.

She opened the front cover to find that the artist had already portrayed them naked. Goten, it seems, had always had the Son butt- or was it the Son butt that everyone liked to draw? Anyways, Bulma was in heaven. She didn't seem to care that it was her son and his best friend she was ogling. This she would like to see in real life, even if it DID make her more perverted than Kamesen'nin.

Speaking of him…he had a few girls living under his roof. #18, her almost-teenage daughter Marron, and Lunch, who was attending a trucker's CEO conference in a city not far from the island, and was staying there for a few days. Her old home.

Maybe they'd be interested…

___

Bulma woke up the next day, her dreams having been filled with the pages of the previous doojinshi come to life. She had to get to the Kuri girls and Lunch.

So she got dressed, picked the Trunks/Goten doojinshi off of her dresser, and headed off in her air car to the Kame House.

She knocked at the door. "Anyone home?"

A girl in blond ponytails, wearing a red tank top and white cutoff jeans opened the door.

"Hi, Marron-chan!" beamed Bulma. "Is your mom around?"

"She's busy folding the laundry, and trying to wrestle her panties away from Rooshi and Oolong", she sighed. "That Lunch lady's helping her out."

"Do you know when she'll be done?"

"I think a few minutes, Mrs. Briefs, if she's lucky." Marron's blue eyes stared at the doojinshi. "What's that there? In your hand?"

"It's something for your mother."

"I want to see it! It has a cute picture of…Trunks and Goten on the front! Lemme look!"

"I don't think a nine-year-old girl should be looking at this."

"But Mrs. Briiiieeefss…" Marron pouted.

"Fine, but don't blame me if you get grounded!" Bulma stormed out the door, slamming the doojinshi on the table.

But she decided to wait outside this time, just to see their reactions.

___

Marron, being the girl she was, was looking over the doojinshi. She didn't exactly know what Trunks and Goten were doing, but their cuteness piqued her interest.

She sighed audibly, as preteen girls are wont to do whenever they see a cute boy.

This sparked the attention of her mother and Lunch, who came running into the kitchen where Marron was reading.

"What are you reading?"

"Mrs. Briefs said it was for you guys. I don't quite get it. Goten and Trunks are naked for some reason, but they sure are cute!!"

"NAKED BOYS?!?" Juuhachigoo threw a fit.

"Yeah, Mom, look!" Marron showed her mother a rather explicit portion of the doojinshi.

"MY GOD! They're having sex! Marron, give this to me this instant, and go to your room!"

"Yes, Mom". Marron sulked and went upstairs.

"I'm beginning to think Bulma's gone crazy", said the cyborg wryly. "Don't you, Lunch?"

"No, she's not crazy, I think this is cute! It'd be cuter if it was Tenshinhan and Chao Tsu, but we can't win them all can we?" Lunch smiled.

"Ah, well, to each their own. I'd better get back to doing the laundry before that horny old coot and that pig steal all of my panties." #18 sighed and left.

And then, upon turning the page, Lunch sneezed.

"All righty! Stuff that man-meat in there, brother! Way! To! Go! Damn, I love this shit! I wish there were more of 'em!"

Kushami continued to make lewd comments while Bulma opened the door.

Holding the doojinshi in one hand and a pistol in the other, the blonde demon yelled, "Who goes there?"

"Bulma. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Hell yeah! That old spoilsport with a number for a name almost threw this thing out!" Again, Kushami turned the page and sneezed again.

"I think I skipped a page," said Lunch. Oh, well…Bulma! What are you doing here! It's been ages!"

"I gave you that book, isn't it great?"

"I hope Rooshi doesn't happen upon it, he'll have a fit!" Lunch giggled and blushed.

"I'll make sure of that. Girl's promise." Bulma winked.

"Okay!" smiled Lunch.

What they didn't know was that someone was watching, itching to get their doojinshi back…Lunch was ogling the doojinshi, sneezing every few pages, turning into Kushami and threatening to shoot Bulma with her handgun and making NC-17-rated comments about the situations Trunks and Goten were in.

#18 came in, panties in hand. "What's with you two? Over some stupid book."

"Well, she can't help it, she changes when she sneezes!"

"I DO NOT!" yelled Kushami. "Now get your punk blue-haired ass against the wall! NOW!" She pressed the handgun into Bulma's head.

"Juu-Juuhachigoo-san, do you have s-some pepper?" asked Bulma nervously.

"On the table." She threw it to Bulma, and Kushami sneezed.

"Oh, oh my…what am I doing with a gun to your head? I'm sorry, Bulma-san!" Lunch blushed. "Now back to the story- it's sooo cute!" She dropped the gun and began to read.

But the three women were caught off guard by a strange presence forming in their kitchen.

Not a millisecond later, there stood Kaiobit and Roo-Dai Kaiooshin in the middle of the Kame House kitchen.

Kaiobit just stood there, head hanging low and blushing.

"C'mon, there, young'un, we ain't got all day! Apologize to these ladies fer whatcha did!"

"I-I- I didn't do it!" Kaiobit's tone changed from a whimper into a roar. "You decided to go through Kibito's…or is it MY… old stash!"

"Welp, I should've earlier. Wanted to get rid of that perved homo crap layin' around this planet." Roo-Dai crossed his arms. "First them sicko comic books ya found in an alternate Universe, then this Walt Whitman fella. Heh…kids these days…gone to the dogs…"

Kaiobit scowled. "You had no right to empty that stash! Maybe I should go empty YOUR stash!"

But Roo-Dai wasn't listening, as he was trying to grab a pair of #18's panties.

But she punched him in the face. "Argghhh…you old men are soo much alike, it's not even funny!"

As she walked back to her laundry, Roo-Dai yelled, "Aw, c'mon, ya old twat, gimme yer panties! I'll pay ya!"

"Not a chance in hell," Juuhachi yelled from the laundry room.

"So…what's this about a 'stash'?" asked Bulma.

Kaiobit thought for a moment. "Before we were fused, Kibito enjoyed collecting…well…male/male literature. He used to share it with me before we…aww, man, I probably said too much." He stared down and blushed.

"Now, ya idiot, the Universe's goin' to get yer ass!"

"You should be the one to talk, Elder!" Kaiobit cleared his throat. "Now, the trash cans on Kaiooshin-kai all have a portal leading to a part of the planet Earth. The one the Elder used led to the space below your bed, Bulma-san, or so I understand."

"I see. Impressive" Bulma sighed.

"So, can I have my doojinshi back now?"

"Hell no, sonny! I don't want no perved readin' materials on our sacred planet!" Roo-Dai roared.

So be it, thought Kaiobit in the back of his mind so Roo-Dai couldn't pick it up. So be it.

He set a hand on the protesting old man's shoulder and whispered, "Kai-Kai".

---

The next morning, the women got no sexy surprises, but Kamesen'nin…

Under his bed the old pervert found oodles upon oodles of Playboy's Sukebe's, Hustler's, Penthouse's, lesbian porno, and aerobics tapes.

"THANK GOD IN HEAVEN!" Rooshi shouted. "Oolong, forget Juuhachi's panties, we got better stuff!"

The pig raced in and ogled all of the stuff under Rooshi's bed. They spent HOURS in there, and #18 finally got to fold her clothes in peace.

Meanwhile on Kaiooshin-kai, Roo-Dai was fuming.

All of his hentai was gone! GONE!

Kaiobit laughed to himself, as he had found a garbage can that led to the Kame House. After all, HE didn't want perverted reading materials on the sacred planet of Kaiooshin-kai.

END